Confessions of a Serial Texter
by mida212
Summary: What if someone you never met, someone you never saw, someone you never knew - was the only someone for you? AU/Future Finchel
1. Finders Keepers

**_Disclaimer: Glee is not mine_**

* * *

><p><em><strong>"What if someone you never met, someone you never saw, someone you never knew - was the only someone for you?"<strong>_

_**-Unknown**_

* * *

><p>"<em>You (we) will be practically perfect in every waaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"<em>

Rachel held the last note, her arms in the air for effect. She'd _nailed_ it, she knew she did. And what's more, the producers and director watching her knew she'd nailed it too. She placed her arms at her side, staying in character by looking at the two child actors who'd been singing "_Practically Perfect_" with her. They'd already gotten _out_ of character, but she assumed that was because they were already cast in _Mary Poppins_ and her audition was simply seen as another part of the job for them. She waited the appropriate amount of time for the imaginary applause she was hearing in her head to die down before she dared to peek at the directors, busy conferring with each other and scribbling on their clipboards, her headshot and resume in front of them.

Quietly, she placed her hands in front of her as she waited, well familiar with this routine by now. This was her third callback for the role of Mary and she _desperately_ wanted it. She'd been in New York for 4 years and she had yet to land a leading role on Broadway, only coming as close as swing in _State Fair _just before it closed and a spot on the National Tour of _Beauty and the Beast_, which had led to her current audition. She'd sailed through the standard initial audition, singing sixteen bars of _On My Own_ and she'd showcased her monologue at the first callback, along with the full version of _On My Own_. The second callback found her showcasing her dancing skills while for this third (and hopefully final) callback she'd been given the scene of Mary introducing herself to Jane and Michel through the song _Practically Perfect_ to go through. The initial auditions and first two callbacks had been in front of the casting director and his assistant but for this round, the show's director and producer were sitting in. Unsure of what to do, she peeked to her left, wishing she had a stool to sit on like the two children playing Jane and Michael did.

After what seemed like _hours_ but in reality was a minute or two, the casting director looked up at Rachel. "Ok, Ms. Berry we have your info. We'll be in touch."

She nodded, quickly thanking each of them by name as her agent had instructed her to do. Her eyes lingered on Will Schuester, the show's director, pleased to see that he had a little smile on his face. What that meant, she didn't know, but she _hoped_ it was a good sign. She gathered her stuff and headed out, rummaging through her bag for her cell phone and dialing a number she knew by heart.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me!" Rachel greeted her fiancé cheerily.

"Rachel! How did it go?" Mike asked immediately.

"I think it went really great. I performed a full scene and I nailed that song, I know did," Rachel babbled, full of excitement as she exited the theater. She spied a Starbucks across the street and started to walk to the corner to cross. "The director smiled at me, I'm hoping that's a good sign."

"I'm sure it is," Mike replied warmly. "I have to go, the conference is starting now, ok? We'll talk later."

She hung up, staring at the phone for a minute. Truth be told, she was still in awe that she had a _fiancé_. In less than three weeks, she was going to be Mrs. Michael Chang Jr. The thought jarred her a little as she waited to cross the street, considering the fact that they'd known each other exactly six months and been engaged for approximately four of those months. Sure, Michael Sr. and Julia still weren't thrilled and she was positive they didn't like her, but Mike seemed to think they'd come around eventually, which she _hoped_ meant before the wedding. She glanced down at her left hand for reassurance, her right hand still loosely holding her Blackberry as she stared at the large (and family heirloom) engagement ring Mike had given her four months ago.

And that's when it happened.

They say in life there are those single defining moments that alter the course of your life and set you on a completely different path than the one you originally chose for yourself. It can be something as small as a haircut or getting a new job, but whatever it is; it changes you for the better and makes you see life in a new way, although when it first happens, you're unaware of the momentous occasion. For Rachel, it happened while crossing West 47th Street in Mid-town Manhattan.

Her cell phone was stolen.

She'd just stepped off of the curb and, intent on staring at her ring, failed to see the young man sidle up to her right side and yank the cell phone out of her hand.

"Hey!" she cried after his already retreating figure, taking off at a run after him. Her cell phone was her _life_. To save money she'd decided to forgo a landline in her apartment, which meant all her friends and family called her on her cell phone as well as her agent. Her agent in particular was fond of calling at all hours, which Rachel didn't really mind since it meant she was calling about auditions, but-

Her audition.

_We have your info. We'll be in touch._ The memory caused a sickening feeling in her stomach and made her run faster. She _needed _that cell phone. The guy who'd stolen her phone was the only thing standing between her and a starring role on Broadway, something she'd been working for ever since she'd graduated (with Honors) from The Miami University of Ohio and she'd be _damned_ if she lost her chance. She picked up the pace, but the thief had gotten a head start and by the time she reached the opposite corner, he'd disappeared into the crowd.

She paused on the corner of West 47th and Broadway, trying to catch her breath. Why couldn't he have taken her purse like a normal thief? At least then he'd only have gotten about $15 dollars in cash, some makeup and a tampon, all of which could be replaced whenever. Her cell phone on the other hand, she needed replaced like _yesterday_.

She straightened up, fretting. It had only been about five minutes since it'd been stolen. What if her agent Estelle had called within those five minutes to tell her she'd gotten another callback or even the part? The thought made her start wringing her hands.

There was clearly only one thing to do. Thankful that there was a Verizon store on nearly every street in Manhattan, she marched into the nearest one and waited impatiently for them to call her name, striding purposefully towards the counter when they did so.

"My phone has been stolen. I need a new one immediately," she announced to the clerk behind the counter. "_Immediately_. I'm expecting a very important call."

"Ok, well just let me get your information," the clerk replied, typing as Rachel gave her name and address. "Hmmm."

"What?"

"We don't have any information on you." He looked up at her, confused. "Are you sure you have an account?"

"What do you mean; no information? My fiancé and I share an account!" she cried, getting more panicked. She'd already been here half an hour, what if she missed the call? Cursing the man who'd stolen her phone, she focused on the clerk. "Try Chang. Dr. Michael Chang."

"Ah, here it is." He nodded affirmatively.

"Good. Just give me the same Blackberry I had, as fast as you can." Ordinarily, she might've taken the time to look around or possibly even upgrade, but this was turning into a matter of life and death.

"Coming right…oh."

"What now?" she asked, resuming her hand wringing as she watched the clerk peer at his computer monitor.

"I'm afraid the account is in Dr. Chang's name."

"So?" She stared at him, mentally willing him to get her the phone.

"The account is in Dr. Chang's name," the clerk said slowly. "Which means that only Dr. Chang can authorize a new replacement phone."

"Oh, that's not a problem, I'll just call him…" she trailed off, realizing that it _was_ a problem. He'd hung up quickly before because he was going into a conference. In _Los Angeles. _

She frowned knowing that there was no way she'd be able to get him out of the conference and even if there was, he'd be furious that she interrupted him for something as trivial as a cell phone authorization. "Look, he's in surgery right now but I'm his fiancée. See?" She held up her left hand, showing him the impressive ring residing right there. "It's a family heirloom. He'll be fine with me getting a new cell phone, I swear."

"While that may be, I cannot give you a new phone without his authorization. The only thing I can do is have you open a new account."

She gulped. Opening a new account was _not_ an option. She'd just paid her rent and credit card bills, along with her student loans and she was counting her pennies until her next paycheck came from her day job as a receptionist at a spa and rehabilitation center. She decided to try for the first tactic again but this time kicking it up a notch. "I'm telling you, I'm his fiancé! He's an up and coming Neurosurgeon and his father is Dr. Michael Chang Sr., an eminent surgeon in the field of Neurology. If you _don't_ give me a phone, I'm calling Mrs. Julia Chang, my future mother-in-law, who also happens to be lawyer of the year, according to the New York State Bar Association!"

The clerk seemed unimpressed, making Rachel wonder if he _knew_ that Michael Sr. and Julia didn't like her because she wasn't Asian and was only an actress. "I'm sorry. While your future in-laws credentials are impressive, I _cannot_ give you a phone without Dr. Chang's consent."

Even in the midst of a crisis, Rachel wasn't one to miss the drama of a situation and she threw up her hands in despair. "Fine! You may have just _ruined_ my life, but fine!" She stormed out, never one to miss the opportunity to practice her storm out.

Not stopping until she'd marched her way into the nearest Starbucks, she quickly ordered her standard coffee and a scone. She flopped down at the nearest table, ready to drown her sorrows in her coffee but immediately spilled her coffee on the table, soaking the newspaper someone had rudely left there. She sighed. For a day that had started out _so_ good, it had really turned to crap.

"Great. Just fucking great." She reached for some napkins, trying to move the newspaper at the same time. "People can't even clean up after them-" She paused, staring at what had been hidden under the newspaper.

A cell phone.

Glancing around to see if anyone was looking for it, she picked the Blackberry up. It clearly still worked, since it lit up as soon as she'd touched it. She snuck another glance around the coffee shop, expecting to see a frantic person looking for their phone, but everyone seemed to be calmly drinking their coffee or typing on their computers. She turned the phone over, wishing it was hers. Here she was, _desperate_ to get her stolen phone back and whoever this phone belonged to, they couldn't even be bothered to remember to take it with them. She was just about to get up and turn it in to the Starbucks employees when she heard it.

"Hey, Rachel right?"

Startled, she looked up to see the smiling face of the casting director from _Mary Poppins, _Jacob something. "Yes! I'm Rachel, Rachel Berry. I just auditioned for you. Thank you so much for the opportunity. I really appreciate it," she babbled.

"I see you have your phone out. Smart girl," Jacob confided, glancing down at the Blackberry still in Rachel's hand. His eyes roamed over Rachel's body appreciatively, making her squirm.

"Oh! No, this is-" Rachel started, frantic to explain the situation.

"A piece of advice," Jacob cut in, staring at her breasts. "Keep that phone with you at all times. I shouldn't be telling you this, but Will was _very_ impressed with your audition."

"Really?" she replied, trying to sound casual, even though her insides were threatening to explode. "I haven't heard anything from my agent."

"And you won't. Will _always_ calls to offer the roles himself. He feels it creates a more intimate environment so you won't be hearing from your agent. Just make sure you have that phone at all times."

Shit. Will Schuester could be calling her cell phone now and she'd have no idea. She glanced down at the Blackberry in her hand, an idea germinating in her mind. Did she dare? Was she that desperate?

She did and she was.

"Hey Jacob? Do you have a pen? Could you do me a favor?" she asked, turning the phone over in her hand and making the screen light up. Thankful that she had the same phone, she discreetly pressed the green phone symbol, glancing down to see the cell phone's number at the top of the outgoing calls screen. She glanced back up at Jacob, putting her best acting skills to use. She reached for Jacob's hand, trying not to notice how clammy it was.

"Of course," he breathed, still staring at her breasts as he handed her a marker.

"Well," she began, opening her eyes wide but disgusted by the feeling of his hand in hers as she wrote the Blackberry's phone number on it. "This is my _personal_ cell phone number. I don't give this number out to just anyone, but I feel I can make an exception for you. There's just no one else I can trust to pass it along to Will. Do you think you can get him this number and remind him to use it, _not _the one on my resume? My silly agent just informed me that she put the wrong number on my resume."

"Of course," he repeated staring in awe at the number and little heart she'd drawn on his hand. "I make up the lists of callbacks, so I'll put this number onto the list right away."

She clapped her hands in excitement, contemplating if it would be too much to throw her arms around him. She decided it wasn't and to Jacob's delight and her disgust, gave him a big hug. She quickly separated from him, watching in delight as he programmed the new number into his phone.

"There." He looked up at her. "I replaced your old number in my contacts with this one, so it'll be sure to get to Will."

"Oh, thank you, Jacob. You really know how to help a girl," she replied coquettishly. "I just don't know what I'd have done if you hadn't come along."

He grinned lasciviously at her, making her squirm again. She hoped he wasn't about to demand that she kiss him or worse, _sleep_ with him, but fortunately for her, the cell phone in her hand started ringing. Both Jacob and Rachel stared at the phone in surprise as Meredith Brooks' _I'm a Bitch_ started playing from the phone, disrupting the peace of the coffee shop.

"I'm sorry, Jacob, but I have to take this," she fibbed, thrilled to have an out. She gave him a quick kiss (again disgusted by his skin), and hurried out of the shop. "Hello?"

_"Get to Vitamin World. I'm out of Protein Shakes."_

"I'm sorry, you have-" Rachel started to say but was greeted by a dial tone. She stared at the phone in surprise, wondering at the audacity of woman on the other end. Whatever, this was _her_ phone now. She'd found it and she was sticking by the childhood rule of finders keepers. Forgetting about the protein shake lady, she sent out a text to Santana, telling her to forward her new number to everyone.

She wasn't a thief, she really wasn't. She fully intended to get a new phone once Mike got back, but for now, this would have to do. It was the perfect plan really. She'd simply use the phone sparingly and once Will called and Mike came back, she'd return the phone to Starbucks, explaining how she found it. She beamed as she skipped down the street, heading towards the subway. It really was a foolproof plan. She couldn't think of a single thing that could possibly go wrong with her plan.

The phone rang again, but unlike last time, it was a regular ringtone. Assuming it wasn't the protein shake lady, she picked it up, answering with a cheery hello.

_"Oh, thank God."_ A panicked male voice came through the phone.

Even in its current state of duress, Rachel liked the tone of his voice, shivering involuntarily. What she _didn't_ like were his next words.

_"You have my phone."_

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Welcome to a new multi-chapter fic!_**


	2. Define Stealing

_**Disclaimer: Glee is not mine :(**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>You'd be surprised how difficult it is to relinquish a cell phone. <strong>_

_**-Adrien Brody**_

* * *

><p>"<em>You have my phone."<em>

Four ordinary words that made Rachel's heart drop into her stomach. This _wasn't_ part of the plan. No one was supposed to claim the phone until _after_ she'd returned it to Starbucks. That was simply the way this was supposed to play out, there was no other option in her mind.

Clearly, this guy needed to go. She focused her attention on the slightly less panicked voice floating through the phone, a voice that was now asking where he could pick up his phone.

Well that wouldn't do.

"I'm sorry, what is your name?" Rachel asked, cutting him off mid-sentence.

_"Finn. Finn Hudson. Thank God you-"_

"Well Finn, I regret to inform you that this is _my_ phone now. I found it."

_"Huh?"_

Rachel paused at the top of the subway steps. "I found the phone so it's mine. Finders Keepers."

_"You're_** _phonejacking_ **_me?"_ Finn's voice resumed its panicked tone, making Rachel stifle a giggle at his choice of words.

"Absolutely not. I fully intend to give the phone back after I'm done with it," Rachel assured him. "I simply need the phone for a few days."

_"You can't phonejack me! I need my phone back!" _His voice was getting louder, making Rachel giggle outright. _"Who are you?"_

"My name is Rachel. Rachel Berry, soon-to-be Broadway star," she announced proudly. "And I already told you, I'm _not_ phonejacking you. You'll have it back when I'm done with it."

_"This is exertion! Do you want money or something? I could probably ask my brother to dip into his clothes fund. Or maybe he'd be willing to give you something designer?"_ She could practically hear the desperation in his voice becoming more evident by the syllable.

"I think you mean _extortion_, Finn," she responded, smiling at the mix-up. "But no, I don't want money or clothing. I simply want your phone. You see; I'm expecting a very important phone call."

_"I **need** that phone, Rachel."_

She drummed her fingers on the metal railing. "I don't see why you do. You obviously have access to another phone whereas I do not."

_"It's **my** phone! I need it back for work!"_ The frustration was growing in his voice._ "And what do you mean you're **expecting** a phone call? Who could possibly have **my** number and expect **you**?"_

"Unlike you, I really _was _phonejacked. I've already texted this number to my best friend Santana, which means that everyone I know in New York and Ohio already has this new number for me." She paused, a thoughtful look on her face as she descended the stairs to the subway. "Well except my grandmother in Ohio, but only because she doesn't know how to text or receive texts, no matter how many times I've shown her. But I'm positive my fathers will pass along my new number to Nannie."

_"Yeah, my grandparents can't figure out a cell phone either. __I remember this one time-**hey**! It's **not **your number!"_

"I'm sorry but it is. I _told_ you, finders keepers."

_"But it's my **work** phone! How am I supposed to do my work?"_

"Then you really shouldn't have been so careless with it," Rachel chided. "You're lucky I spilt my coffee on the newspaper it was hidden under. Who knows what kind of person might've found it?"

_"Gee, I don't know…a phonejacking soon-to-be Broadway star whose Nannie can't work a phone, maybe?"_

"Hey! Nannie can work a phone! She just has trouble with _cell_ phones!" Rachel defended, pausing midway down the steps.

**_"Give me my phone!"_ **

The fact that he was clearly losing patience made her more determined. "_No_. I'm expecting a _very _important phone call. I don't see why that's so hard to understand."

_"I'm going to report the phone stolen!"_

The threat made Rachel pale but she stayed strong. She _needed _this phone and no way in hell was he getting it back.

"You can't. The phone records will clearly show that you called it, which means that you know where it is," Rachel pointed out, forcing herself to be calm and hoping he bought it. She smiled as she heard him pause.

_"Then I'll cancel the account."_

"You can't do that either. It's your work phone, so you don't pay the bill, which means you'd have to admit to your company that you lost it. Judging by your panicked voice, I don't think you want to do that," she reasoned as she resumed walking down the steps. "What do you do anyway?"

**_"Give me my phone!"_**

"Look, I have to go, my train is coming, but someone just called and said to get her some shakes," Rachel replied, digging through her bag for her MetroCard.

_"What? She called?"_ The panic was once again in his voice, making Rachel wonder what he was involved in._ "Did she say what kind?"_

"You're lucky I have an eidetic memory." Having located her MetroCard, she zipped up her bag, prepared to end this conversation and catch her train.

_"Huh? A **what**?_"

"An eidetic memory. I can recall everything I hear perfectly," Rachel explained as she swiped her card. "It really comes in handy for the stage."

_"Look, you little thief. If you memory is so perfect, what did she **say**?" _

"I resent the implication that I'm a thief," Rachel huffed. "I'll have you know that I've _never_ stolen anything in my life, other than the occasional pen from the bank."

_"You're not supposed to take those! That's why they're chained! You really **are** a thief."_ She could practically hear the smirk coming through the phone.

"Everybody knows that you can take those!" she retorted. "I don't know where you bank, but my bank has jars of pens, _unchained_, for your information."

_"Would you just tell me what she said?"_

"_Get to Vitamin World. I'm out of protein shakes,_" Rachel recited, placing her MetroCard back in her bag. "She was really quite rude. I said hello and she said that and hung up."

_"Yeah, that sounds about right. __So where can I meet you to get my phone?"_

"Oh! My train is here! I've got to go, but it was lovely talking with you, Finn," Rachel said cheerfully as she began walking towards the stairs to the platform.

_"Wait! I need-"_

"Sorry, you're breaking up. Bye!" Ignoring Finn's protests, she quickly hung up, placing the phone securely in her bag, lest this one get stolen too. She felt bad, she really did, but there was just _no way_ his job as a protein shake getter could be more important than her phone call. As it was, she'd spent far too long on the phone with Finn and she wasn't about to miss a call from Will because she'd been talking to him.

Even if she secretly enjoyed it.

* * *

><p><em><strong>If you don't give me back my phone I'll <strong>_–

Finn paused his texting, unsure of what he'd actually do. This was the fourth text he'd sent to his work phone, all of which had gone unanswered. Sighing, he deleted the text, gripping the phone as he debated calling his phone for the third time. The first two times after she'd hung up on him had gone straight to his voice mail, but maybe she'd gotten off the subway and would answer this time.

He quickly dialed but was once again greeted by his own voice telling him to leave a message. The first time it had gone to voice mail he'd actually been stupid enough to leave a message before he realized that Rachel wouldn't be able to access the messages without his password. He frowned as the thought crossed his mind that Rachel had probably already figured out a way to change the password which meant that if she really did give the phone back, it would be _him_ who'd be unable to access his messages. Disappointed, he ended the call, wondering what to do now. He ran a hand through his hair, tugging a little at the ends.

_Women._

Frustrated, Finn made to throw his cell phone but thought better of it at the last second. He'd already lost one cell phone; he didn't need to lose another, especially one that he'd have to pay to replace himself. He grabbed the pencil cup of (unchained) pens off the counter and threw that at the wall instead, satisfied by the sound it made.

"Whoa, what the fuck?"

The voice stopped Finn from launching another object and he watched as a mohawked man emerged from the doorway next to where the pencil cup had hit the wall. "Sorry, Puck."

His longtime best friend came to a stop by the reception counter Finn was currently sitting behind. Technically they were both Personal Trainers but Beiste required all trainers to work reception on a rotating schedule. While Puck used it as a way to check out and evaluate the women coming in, Finn often used it as a chance to converse with the clients or read some comic books as he listened to his favorite classic rock station.

"What's your problem?" Puck asked, his eyes automatically checking the gym for any hot women. "Beiste yell at you for being late?"

"Oh, no. I…uh…had to go to Vitamin World," he stammered.

"_Vitamin World_? You having a problem taking a shit or something?"

"You're an ass," Finn stated, busying himself with picking up the pencils on the floor.

Puck eyed him suspiciously. "You weren't at _Vitamin World _at all, were you? Admit it; you were with the BCB right? She couldn't get enough of the Finnmeister?"

"Would you just drop that? I already told you I don't have a Booty Call Babe," he replied stubbornly as he sat back down, accepting the ID card a client was holding out to check her in. "You know perfectly well why I'm not dating at the moment."

"Right. You _totally_ don't have a standard appointment for banging. It's not like you get a phone call and then suddenly have to leave," Puck commented, busy scanning the client's retreating figure as she walked towards the locker room. "And it's definitely _not _the reason why you had to leave Sam's apartment in the middle of a Halo marathon last night."

"I told you. Kurt needed me to help him with something."

"And what was that? Gluing rhinestones on his designer jeans? This is like the time you told me you had to help your mom because she'd had prostate surgery, when you were really taking ballroom dancing lessons with her."

"That was for her wedding," Finn snapped. "I did it to make her happy."

"Well if you ask me, it was a total waste of money since my bowels have better moves than you do," Puck replied, smirking. "But as long as Carole and her precious Finny had some quality Mommy and Me time, I guess its ok."

Finn sighed. Kurt just _had_ to come up to the football table in their high school cafeteria to ask if he wanted to some extra help learning the steps since he hadn't mastered the foxtrot yet. He dreaded Mondays and Tuesdays when _Dancing with the Stars_ was on because Puck never failed to ask him who he and his mom voted for. "Don't you have a client or something?"

"Nope. Not for another half hour which leaves me free to question you about the BCB."

"For the last time, I don't have a fucking booty call!" Finn cried, a little louder than he intended, since he earned the glares of several moms dropping their kids off at the day care. Embarrassed, he lowered his voice as he glared at Puck. "Would you drop it?"

Puck held up his hands in surrender, watching as Finn angrily dug through his backpack and pulled out a bag of pretzels. He continued to watch quietly while Finn checked in a few more clients, one of whom was blatantly checking Finn out, not that he noticed. Using his years of dealing with Finn to his advantage, he waited another minute or two before speaking. "So seriously, dude. Why don't you just bang her in the locker room showers like I do? I don't know why you have to leave to do it."

Finn rolled his eyes. "Not all of us are willing to have our sex acts viewed by the 6AM Aquacise class."

"That was one time, dipshit. You ever gonna drop that?"

"No, because I was the one who had to clean the pool and then chlorinate it," Finn snapped, most definitely not in the mood to deal with anymore annoying questions. Sometimes he wondered why he worked as a Personal Trainer alongside Puck and their other best friend Sam, who chose that moment to walk over to the desk.

"Hey guys." The blonde looked from Finn to Puck curiously. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Finn said quickly, which immediately made Sam suspicious. He turned to Puck for answers.

"Just discussing Finn's panties being in a bunch because of his BCB," Puck replied evenly. "And why he's so embarrassed to admit it."

"Oh, she call already?" Sam asked. "You want me to cover the desk so you can leave?"

Finn threw his hands up. "Why don't you two believe me? A BCB is Puckerman's thing, not mine."

"He's got a point, Puck," Sam agreed. "He's not a hump and dump kind of guy. Carole raised her precious baby better than that."

"Thank you. Finally someone sees reason," Finn muttered. "For your inf- **_hey_**! I'm _not_ a mama's boy!"

Honestly. He misses _one _Friday night party in high school to watch _Steel Magnolias_ with his feeling-under-the-weather mom and he's forever labeled as a mama's boy.

Sam tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Although…I distinctly remember Lisa Anne Delvecchio senior year of college being so incredibly upset when you dumped her at the bar after fucking her in the bathroom stall." He grinned at the annoyed look that crossed over Finn's face as Puck snorted.

"I'd never been prouder of you, Hudson," Puck added. "Until now, when you got this BCB."

"Would both of you shut up?" Finn asked crossly, tossing a pretzel at Sam. "For the last time, you _know_ how obsessed Lisa Anne was with me. Thanks to you two idiots telling her where I was, she snuck into the men's room and actually jumped me when I turned around from the urinal!"

"Hey, we just thought she'd go down on you. We didn't force you into that stall and put that condom on you," Puck replied, the smirk back on his face. "Come to think of it, that just makes it all the more impressive since you could barely remember your own name."

"She was calling me for _months_ after that night." Finn shuddered. "And anyway, I would _never_ have done that if we hadn't done all those Irish Car Bombs at the bar."

"_Evans! Stop gossiping like hens in a hen house with Hudson and Puckerman and get your ass over here to spot me!" _

Guiltily, all three picked up their heads to see their boss and owner of the gym, Shannon Beiste, staring at them from over by the bench press. Not wanting to piss off the woman who could easily kick all three of their asses simultaneously, Sam hurried over to spot her.

"So this booty call. She a dog? That why you disappear?" Puck questioned as he returned to the previous conversation and crossed his arms. "Or worse, an old bag?"

"Dude! That's just gross!" Finn cried, scanning an elderly gentleman's card. The elderly gentleman threw Finn a dirty look, who smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, Mr. Henry."

It was Puck's turn to shrug. "Wouldn't be the worst thing you ever did. The dogs are usually the ones who are willing to do all sorts of kinky shit."

"Dude, I'm begging you to stop," Finn pleaded as he grabbed a pretzel from the bag. "You're gonna give me nightmares."

"So why are you mad? Booty Call hasn't called yet so you haven't gotten any today? Because I told you the solution for that." He leaned over the counter, swiping a few of Finn's pretzels out of the bag.

"I'm _not_ using the sauna to troll for girls! I'd like to meet a girl who doesn't think I'm a perv before I even open my mouth!" Finn snapped, moving his pretzels out of the way. "Did it ever occur to you that I'm mad for reasons having nothing to do with sex?"

"Nope. If you haven't gotten any today, you _should_ be mad."

Again, Finn rolled his eyes at Puck's one track mind. "If you _must_ know, I left my phone at Starbucks and now some girl is holding it hostage."

"She hot? Just bang her to get it back," Puck asked immediately. "Actually, if she's a dog it'll work too. She'll be so grateful; she'll give it right back."

"God, you're disgusting," Finn commented. "I'm not going to sleep with someone just to get my phone back."

"She's fat?" Puck guessed. He began thrusting his hips suggestively. "Get her in here for some _personal training._"

"I have no idea what she looks like." He accepted the ID card the mother who'd glared at him was holding out, quickly checking her in. "I only heard her voice."

"Well did she sound sexy?"

_Hell yeah._

The thought popped into Finn's head unbidden and he quickly pushed it aside. "I don't know."

"You sure you're not gay?" Puck asked, peering at him. "Maybe you've been spending too much time with Hummel."

"_Puckerman_! Get your ass in the back and get started on your paperwork!" Beiste called over to Finn's relief. "Don't think I didn't notice that you handed it in half assed and late last month."

Finn watched him scurry off, a smirk on his face for a moment before his thoughts returned to his current cell phone crisis, trying to figure out a way to get his phone back.

No matter what she said, Rachel was a _thief_. Finders keepers his ass. Whatever stupid reason she had for needing that phone, there was _no way_ it was more important than his reasons. He _had _to get that phone back. His mouth set into a determined line. He didn't know how he was going to get that phone back, but he knew one thing.

Rachel Berry, soon-to-be Broadway star, better watch out.

* * *

><p>Rachel emerged from the subway, a skip in her step. She paused at the corner news stand, eyeing the newest issue of <em>Brides.<em>

"Good afternoon, Mr. Hernandez. I'll take one copy of _Brides,_" she announced proudly. Fortunately, she was well known by Mr. Hernandez and he allowed her to keep a tab, which worked out well for her since she was flat broke at the moment.

Mr. Hernandez was just handing her the thick magazine when _I'm a Bitch _started blaring from her purse. Frowning, she pulled the phone from her bag, debating answering it. She quickly decided to answer it, if nothing else than to give the rude woman an etiquette lesson. "Hello?"

"_Cornelius needs to be picked up."_

"Look, I don't-" Once again, Rachel was cut off by a dial tone. She frowned, not liking being denied a chance to talk.

Waving goodbye to Mr. Hernandez, she walked away from the newsstand, contemplating how a person could be so rude. She glanced down at the phone, noticing that she had several texts messages and missed calls. Anxiously, she opened the missed calls, praying she hadn't missed Will. Luckily, the three calls were all from Finn, so she deleted them and turned her attention to the text messages.

_**Give me back my phone!**_

Obviously that one was from Finn, so once again she pressed delete and opened the next message.

_**Seriously, who phonejacks someone and then answers?**_

She rolled her eyes at that one. Clearly, if she had _known_ it was him, she wouldn't have answered. For the third time, she pressed delete and moved on to the next message from Santana.

_**Chica, why'd you change your number?**_

She quickly typed back an abbreviated response, figuring she'd tell Santana the rest when her shift as an ER nurse ended. She opened the next message, another from Finn.

_**I really really really really really need my phone back. Not all of us are soon to be Broadway stars, so we actually have to work.**_

That one made her smile. For some reason, she found his excessive use of the word '_really' _quite cute and her finger hovered over the delete button, debating answering his text. She'd just pressed "R" for reply when _I'm a Bitch _began playing again.

Beginning to really hate that song and determined to give this woman a piece of her mind, she answered, her voice steely. "Look, you-"

"_Just saw the protein shakes you dropped off. I wanted Strawberry Banana __**not**__ Mango. Have you picked up Cornelius?"_

For the third time, the dial tone beat Rachel to telling this woman off. Furious, she stared at the phone, contemplating calling this nut back and telling her off. Before she could do anything, the phone vibrated and beeped, indicating a new text message. Assuming it was Finn again, she opened it, surprised to see that not only was it was _not_ from Finn, it was from a number she didn't recognize, which meant it must be a message _for_ Finn. Intrigued, she opened the message.

_**Here's the deal. You're hot and we both know I'm hot. If you want to hit this, text me. I'm awesome.**_

That message piqued Rachel's curiosity. She reread the message, trying to figure out what it meant. How was this person awesome? The phone beeped again and she opened _another_ new message, this time an email from someone named Rory.

_**Where should I meet you tonight? **_

She mulled this new message over. Rory could be a man's or a woman's name and she wondered if Finn had a date tonight. If that was the case, she should really let Finn know Rory was confused about where to meet. She navigated back to the other message, wondering if Finn was a player. Not feeling the least bit of shame, she immediately navigated her way into Finn's emails to see what she could find out. She skipped over several boring looking ones and a few tasteless and vulgar forwards from someone named _Godsgifttowomen234_, stopping at a promising looking email from someone named _Sweetiepie713_.

_**Finn: **_

_**Just wanted to say how sexy you looked doing those squats, although I looked awesomer.**_

The message was unsigned and Rachel frowned when she realized that Finn had never responded to it, unless he'd done so on his computer. That was the second reference to Finn being hot or sexy and she wondered if it was true. His voice was certainly sexy.

She jogged up the steps to her building, debating if this was from Rory or the first sender. Waiting until she reached her third floor apartment, she resumed her snooping from the comfort of her couch.

She was just reading the email from his mom reminding him about Aunt Bernadette's birthday party and chuckling at the mention of _Steel Magnolias_ being on TV tomorrow night when _I'm a Bitch_ blared through her apartment.

"Hello?" she demanded, thinking that the assigned ring tone was quite apt.

"_Must I tell you again that Cornelius is waiting?"_

As usual, the call ended before Rachel could say anything. She rubbed her temples a few times wishing Will would call so she could be done with this woman.

The phone rang again, a normal ring tone this time and she sprung for it, hoping to hear Will's voice. "Hello?"

"_Give me my phone."_

Damn.

"Hi, Finn," she replied as she sank back into the couch, her hand on her head. "And no. I haven't received my call yet and until I do, I simply can't give up this phone."

"_Come on! I **need** that for work!"_

"I know. Cornelius is waiting and apparently he doesn't like to be kept waiting." She winced as her tabby cat Cosette jumped in her lap.

"_Crap! When did the call come?"_

"You mean _calls,_" Rachel stressed, petting Cosette between the ears. "Let's see. Someone named Rory would like to know where to meet you tonight. Who's that? A girlfriend?"

"_Never mind that. When did the call about Cornelius come?"_ Once again, she could hear the panic in his voice and she wondered what it was that made him so panicked.

"They've all come within the last 15 minutes. Are you going to dress up for Rory? I think it would be romantic if you wore a suit."

_"It definitely would **not** be romantic since Rory's a guy and we're meeting at Ruby's to play darts and drink beer. Were there any other calls about Cornelius?"_

"I'm not your secretary, Finn," Rachel replied, continuing to pet Cosette. "You really should give your friends the number you're calling from now."

"_No, you're just the thief who phonejacked me so I think you can tell me my messages."_

"Fair enough," Rachel conceded. "She called three times about Cornelius and also to say that she wanted Strawberry Banana not Mango. Is she your boss?"

"_Not exactly. Anything else?"_

"I like that choice of ringtone. It's very appropriate for her," Rachel continued, deciding to make him pay for calling her a thief. She _wasn't _a thief, she was simply a borrower.

"_Rachel. I don't have time for this. Is there anything else?"_

"Well someone from an unknown number would like you to know that if you want to hit this, text them, because apparently, they're awesome." She rolled her eyes at the desperate message.

A pause.

"Is this your girlfriend?"

"**_NO."_**

"Oh, I'm sorry. Your boyfriend?"

_"I'm not gay."_

"It's no big deal if you are, you know. Both of my fathers are gay," she added, trying to make him feel more at ease. It hadn't escaped her notice that he'd become distinctly uncomfortable once she'd mentioned this message.

_"Oh that's cool. My brother is gay." _She detected a more comfortable tone to his voice, so she decided to ask the question she'd been wondering since she saw the message.

"They also say you're hot. Are you?" she pressed. He certainly had a sexy voice, so she was curious to see if the body matched. In her opinion, Mike's sexy voice didn't really match his body. Not that she was complaining since he had an amazing, lithe body, but there was something about his body that just didn't _go. _

She assumed by the silence that he was blushing, something she was positive of when she heard the embarrassment in his voice.

_"Um..."_

She felt bad, so she decided to change the subject. "Don't forget you have to go to Aunt Bernadette's party so you need to get a present. Why didn't you get a present yet? Personally, I always like to get my presents as soon as I get an invitation."

_"Have you been reading my email?"_

"I thought the email might be for me," she huffed, putting her acting skills to use. She bit her lip as she waited for his response. She hadn't meant to reveal that, but at least it made him forget his embarrassment. "So what kind of present are you going to get?"

_"I don't know. Kurt will pick it up."_

"Who's Kurt?" Rachel asked curiously.

_"He's my brother. Give me my phone."_

"Oh. I'm an only child myself. Is he older or younger than you?"

_"He's younger, but only by- **hey! **Don't try and distract me. I need that phone."_

"Well you're not getting it," Rachel replied firmly. "Not until my call comes through. Besides, you don't have time to come get the phone since you need to go pick up Cornelius and get some more protein shakes. Now are we done? I really need to keep the line clear."

"_No, we're not done! We're not done until I have **my** phone."_

"I'll tell Rory to meet you at Ruby's but text me if you need me, Finn. Bye!" Once again ignoring his protests, she hung up the phone, quickly emailing Rory where to meet.

She continued to pet Cosette, deep in thought. She wasn't sure why Will hadn't called her yet, but she was positive about one thing.

Finn Hudson was _definitely_ hot.

* * *

><p>Finn trudged back into the gym, fresh from picking up Cornelius, who evidently was holding a grudge at having been kept waiting. He really just wanted to hit the bar and have a drink, but Beiste had informed him before he'd left that she'd made a last minute addition to his training schedule for the day. He waved to Sam who now was behind the desk.<p>

"Hey, how's the BCB?" Sam called back, grinning.

"Shut up," Finn replied, rubbing his temples. His conversation with Rachel had worn him out. He couldn't believe how much she could talk.

"The BCB wore you out, huh?"

Finn glared at Sam. "Would you just tell me where my client is?"

Sam hesitated. "Um...you're not going to like it. I tried to explain to Beiste, but you know her."

"Who is it?" Finn asked curiously.

Sam said nothing, pointing to the women's locker room door. Finn followed his gaze, taking a step backwards when he realized who was standing just outside the door.

This was _not _happening.

Taking another step backwards, he bumpred right into Beiste herself.

"Your next client is here, Finn," she announced, cracking her knuckles. "Why aren't you over there? She asked for you specifically."

"I know...I...I just need to...uh...do something." Not waiting to hear Beiste's reply, he bolted into the little office, pulling out his cell phone and dialing his number.

"_Hello? Will?"_

"Did you seriously steal my phone to wait for a call from a _guy_?" he demanded.

_"What do you want? I told you I need the line kept clear."_

"I know but-"

_"No. I really need the line open."_

His mouth dropped open as he heard the dial tone. This girl was_ unreal._ She steals his phone and then hangs up on _him? _He was just about to call her back when he heard the heavy footsteps of his boss coming towards the office. Not wanting to get caught making a phone call when he had a client, which was one of Beiste's pet peeves, he shoved the phone into his pocket.

"Hudson! Your client is waiting! I'd expect this out of Puckerman, but not you," Beiste barked, sticking her head through the door.

"Can't Sam or Puck take her?" he asked desperately.

"Nope. She wants you_."_ Beiste sat down at the table. "Tell you what. I'll arm wrestle. You win, you can pass her off to Puckerman."

Finn sighed, knowing there was no fucking way he could beat Beiste in an arm wrestling contest. "Fine. I'll do it."

He turned his back on Beiste, quickly pulling out his phone and typing a text.

_**"Ok, you little thief. I have a proposition for you."**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Hmmm...what's Finn up to? And who's waiting for him?** _


	3. A Spoonful of Sugar

_**Disclaimer: Glee is not mine :(**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.<strong>_

_**-Henry Kissenger**_

* * *

><p>"<em><strong>Ok, you little thief. I have a proposition for you."<strong>_

He waited with bated breath as the words left his phone; hoping Rachel was near her (his) phone to receive it immediately. He figured she would be, since she'd only mentioned fifty times that she was expecting a phone call, so he wasn't surprised when his phone buzzed almost immediately.

_**I don't know what kind of girl you think I am, but I assure you I cannot be propositioned sexually. R***_

He began coughing violently, earning the attention of Beiste. "You ok, Lurch?"

"I'm fine." He glanced down at the text again, rereading it. He hadn't meant _that_ at all, but maybe he should introduce this girl to Puck.

"Good. Then get out there. What's her name is waiting."

"In a minute," Finn replied, not particularly anxious to get out there. He quickly sent back his response.

_**No! I swear that's not what I meant! **_

Her response came back instantaneously.

_**Then what did you mean? A proposition means an offer or transaction of business. R***_

Geez, this chick was like a walking dictionary. Ignoring the blatant throat clearing of Beiste, he sent off another reply.

_**I just need your help with something.**_

"Hudson, you deaf? Get your ass out there! I feel like I'm dealing with Puckerman!" She picked up her copy of _Fancy Fitness._ "It's reading time and since Puckerman's in my bathroom, I need to find out how Jean-Claude bulked up for his latest role in absolute silence out here."

"I'm going, I'm going." He took a small step towards the door, pausing when Rachel's response came.

_**Oh. Well that's different. That's a favor. R***_

He stayed rooted to the spot, quickly answering, a small grin on his face.

_**Does that mean you're going to help me?**_

"Hey, White Boy, there's a client that says she's waiting for you," Roz, the Aquacise instructor announced, poking her head into the office. "She seems like a feisty one. Barking orders to get you while she's yapping on a cell phone like I'm her damn maid."

Finn glared at Beiste. Roz was _new_ here and even she could see that the girl was psycho, so why couldn't Beiste?

For her part, Beiste simply glared at Finn and pointed towards the door, turning her attention back to _Fancy Fitness_. He took a step closer to the door, glancing down as his phone beeped again.

_**If I help you, I get your phone. R***_

This girl was _unbelievable_. He couldn't help but hear her saying the words in his head. Grinning at the idea of throwing her words back at her, he quickly typed it out.

_**I don't know what kind of guy you think I am, but I assure you I cannot be blackmailed.**_

"Damn, boy. Who are you talking to? You're grinning like a fool," Roz commented. He glanced up at her, having completely forgotten that she was still there. Rachel's response came quickly and he diverted his eyes back to his phone.

_**Touché, Finn. R* **_

"Hudson, I swear if you don't get your ass out there, I'm going to grab you by the balls and swing you around by them for discus practice," Beiste threatened as she stood up, her magazine forgotten.

He winced, one hand moving to protect his groin instinctively but in spite of the threat to his anatomy, he didn't move. "Let me just send one more text."

_**Don't know what that means but you help me and you can keep the phone until you get your call.**_

"Hudson _now_." He was so intent on typing he failed to notice Beiste coming his way until she'd grabbed him by the collar and shoved him out the door. He glanced over his shoulder, hoping Beiste wasn't still behind him, but no such luck.

Sighing, he slowly marched over to his waiting client, Beiste in tow. His phone beeped while he was walking, but he didn't dare look at it with Beiste practically attached to him. He sighed again, now knowing exactly how Puck felt every time he had to work with an old man. Just like now, Beiste would escort Puck over to the man, making sure Puck didn't try to bolt or pass the old man off to Finn, which he often did.

They came to a stop in front of a slim pretty girl still talking on her cell phone. She held up one manicured finger to them, giving Finn time to secretly check his phone.

_**I'm afraid I'll need specifics before I can agree to anything. R***_

Damn her. She phonejacked his phone and now she has the nerve to be demanding when he asks for help? She's lucky he's not turning her into the police. He couldn't exactly give her the specifics of his idea though, not with Beiste still up his ass. He snuck a peek at Beiste, firmly at his side as she stared at the girl on the cell phone.

He couldn't blame Beiste for staring. The bane of his existence was currently dressed in what he could only imagine was a workout outfit that would make Kurt green with envy at the designer label. Had it been anyone else, Finn would have taken the time to admire the super short shorts and tiny sports bra she was wearing, but it was _her_, which meant that he was immune_. _Her long light brown hair was pulled into a high ponytail, tucked underneath a black and white bandana. The necklace she always wore, a thick twisted gold chain with a large heart hanging down from it, rested against what Finn knew was her artificially tanned skin. A Starbucks cup was clenched in one hand while the other held her blinged out cell phone to her ear. She hung up her cell phone with a flourish, dropping it into the quilted Chanel purse hanging off her arm.

"Here's Finn," Beiste announced. "He's looking forward to working with you."

"Why wouldn't he? I'm hot and he knows it." She crossed her arms over her chest, daring Beiste to disagree. "I probably shouldn't stand too near you, since it's making you look even more like a man, even if it make makes me look hotter."

"Is that right? Hudson, I believe you know Sugar," Beiste replied through gritted teeth. She caught him trying to inch backwards and grabbed him by the shirt, pushing him forward forcefully.

"Of course he knows me. Our mothers are _very _good friends, even if Carole didn't marry as well as my mother did. Finn and I are practically married," Sugar answered for him, waving the Starbucks cup at him.

"Aw, Hudson, I never got the wedding invitation," Beiste mocked, clapping Finn on the back and making him wince.

"What? No! We're not married!" Finn cried, incredibly annoyed that Sugar had shown up here. He glanced down at his phone again, dying to finish texting Rachel but he wouldn't put it past Beiste to yank the phone out of his hand and keep it. Not about to lose _another_ phone, he chose to scowl in Sugar's direction instead.

Like Sugar had said, their mothers really _were_ good friends, which meant that he'd been forced to spend inordinate amounts of time with her from the time they were in diapers. Even then, she'd carried around a miniature designer bag, which she frequently used to hit Finn with when he wasn't paying enough attention to her or had the nerve to play trucks instead of dolls.

Fortunately, Sugar had been shipped off to boarding school in Massachusetts, but she'd been just as annoying upon her arrival back home. As a general rule, he tried to avoid her as much as possible, but a lifetime of being avoided by people had made Sugar very adept at finding new ways to ingratiate herself into situations.

Case in point, the gym. He should have known something was up when she came in last week with her mother Rosemary. He'd been right to be suspicious when the two of them had claimed to be interested in the Zumba classes the gym had recently started offering.

He watched enviously as Beiste's own cell phone rang. She pulled it from the clip of her belt, squinting at the screen. "Oh, sorry Hudson. Gotta take this, it's Cooter. I'll leave you two to get started."

"Why are you here?" he demanded as soon as Beiste was out of hearing range. "I thought you said last week when you came that there's too many fat people in here and fat people are gross."

"Daddy bought me a year long membership and a personal trainer. _You._" She took a step towards him, attempting to put her arms around his waist, frowning as he backed up.

"Why don't you go put your bag in the locker room? I'll wait here," Finn directed, already opening up Rachel's last message to respond.

"Oh, no. This seems to be a poor person's gym. I'll keep my bag with me," Sugar decided, wrinkling her nose at the clientele. "Besides, it's not like I'll really be working out. You can do it for me."

Finn looked up from his phone. "I don't think so. _You're_ working out, not me."

"You're going to make me _sweat_?" Sugar cried, aghast at the idea. "That's for ugly people, like that girl over there."

"Yup," he replied, fully planning on torturing her. Not bothering to tell her that the girl she'd just called ugly could easily snap her in half, he glanced down at his phone again, typing out his response.

_**All I need you to do is to text me constantly.**_

"Hold my bag," Sugar directed, holding out her Chanel bag to Finn expectantly.

"Nope." He glanced down at his phone, pleased to hear the beep signaling Rachel's response.

_**Am I allowed to enquire as to why? R***_

Sugar, not pleased at losing Finn's attention to a cell phone, snapped her fingers. "Hello! I'm still here and I'm _still_ holding my bag."

"I told you to lock it up. I'm _not_ holding it for you," he replied. That was all he needed was to be caught holding a purse by Puck. He looked down at his phone again, typing out his answer to Rachel.

_**It's a long story.**_

Sugar huffed. "You're lucky your hotness quotient is almost equal to mine. Artie!"

Finn groaned as she beckoned to a young wheelchair bound man lifting one pound weights nearby. "Sugar, you can't make Artie hold your pocketbook on his lap."

"Why not? It's not like he's using his legs," Sugar commented, watching as Artie wheeled his way over. "He's like a rolling purse rack."

"Hey, Finn, Sugar." Artie rolled to a stop next to them, pushing his glasses up his nose. "What's up?"

"Daddy hired Finn to be my personal trainer. You can hold my purse," Sugar bossed, already shoving her purse into Artie's lap. "Just try not to get any sweat on it."

"_Sugar…_" Finn began, trailing off when his phone beeped. Eagerly he opened the message, happy to ignore Sugar, who was now chastising Artie for the lack of cupholders on his wheelchair.

_**I've got time. R***_

He glanced up at Sugar for a second, wondering how he could possibly convey how annoying she was over text. The purse matter was apparently settled, since it was still tucked securely on Artie's lap while his hand was clenching her Starbucks cup and he rolled his eyes at Artie giving in. Artie had always been a pushover; something Sugar had quickly discovered when they'd all met Artie in college. Finn had been struggling in his Statistics class but fortunately had had the good luck to sit next to Artie, who'd begun tutoring him. Artie quickly became friends with his group of friends, a group that thanks to his mom, still included Sugar.

"Are you ready?" he asked wearily. "Why don't we start with the paperwork?"

"Paperwork bores me. I paid Sam twenty dollars to fill it out for me," Sugar announced. "Get it from him; he should be about done now."

He rolled his eyes again. "Whatever. Let's just get started."

Just as he was leading Sugar and Artie to the warm-up area, his phone beeped again. Ignoring Sugar asking why he hadn't called yesterday, he opened his phone to see a text message with a picture attached.

_**Cosette and I are ready to listen. R***_

He examined the picture as he walked. She'd attached a picture of a grey striped tabby cat cuddled to what he assumed was Rachel's chest. He couldn't see her face, but he could tell by what he _could_ see that she was small. Cosette's head was resting near Rachel's shoulder, allowing him to glimpse some long dark hair. Intrigued, he continued staring at the picture as he walked, not noticing where he was going until it was too late and he'd walked into something solid.

"Hey! Watch where you're going or I'll kick your ass like I did Puckerman's after he tried to get to second base when he was training me!"

Finn winced at Lauren's words. The large girl, the same one Sugar had called ugly, was a gym regular, often lifting the heavy weights with Puck and Sam. He remembered all too well the day Lauren had picked Puck up and tossed him like a ragdoll when he'd asked if he could motorboat her.

Not wanting to piss Lauren off anymore than she already was, he quickly apologized and bolted to the warm-up area, making a slight detour to get Sugar's paperwork from Sam. "Alright Sugar, here's what you're going to do."

He quickly demonstrated the first set of stretches for her, taking advantage of Sugar beginning the stretches to text Rachel back, discreetly taking a picture of Sugar to attach to the text.

_**I've got girl problems. Well, not problems, just one problem. Her.**_

"I'm done."

He looked up to see Sugar staring impatiently at him, her arms crossed. Next to him, Artie had resumed lifting his one pound weights, Sugar's bag still on his lap. "Oh. Sorry."

"I'd hate to have to tell Carole that you were ignoring me," Sugar replied, watching as he demonstrated the next set of lunges. "She'd be _so_ upset, since I'm such an awesome person and all."

"Just shut up and do the next set ok?" he snapped, anxious to get to his phone, which had beeped again.

_**Is she the one who sent you that email saying how hot you looked doing squats? And the text about you being hot? What's her story? R***_

Keeping one eye on Sugar, he sent back his reply.

_**Yup. Old family friend. My mom guilted me into taking Sugar to a wedding and now she thinks we're dating.**_

"Hello! Waiting here!" Sugar huffed as she turned her attention to Artie. "If I find one drop of Artie sweat on my bag, I'll be pissed. The same goes for wheelchair grease."

That did it for Finn. He decided to break out one of Puck's warm-up moves, a move he reserved only for pain-in-the-asses or _really _hot girls. Depending on who was doing it, the move either made people (old men) who annoyed Puck look stupid in view of the whole gym or allowed him to check out the hot girl's ass. In this case, Sugar definitely fell into the first category. "Ok, Sugar, watch me."

Quickly he bent down, his palms flat on the ground as he assumed a pushup stance. Slowly, he walked his feet up to meet his hands, his rear end getting higher with each step, something he knew Sugar was watching intently. Once his feet were as close as possible to his hands, he started moving his hands until he was parallel to the ground again. Feeling stupid, he quickly demonstrated the next part, which was manipulating his body into the Caterpillar motion. He stood up, looking at Sugar. "Do a set of 10."

While Artie and quite a few men around them were focused on the movement of Sugar, Finn was focused on his cell phone which had beeped again while he was showing Sugar the next exercise.

_**Oh. But you're not? I thought you went out to dinner with her? R***_

So she _had_ been reading his emails, the little sneak.

In an effort to get Sugar off his case, he'd told her he'd switched phone numbers, giving her his work phone number and email, which left him free to conveniently ignore her calls. His plan was successful for the most part with the exception of one thing.

His mother.

Summoning every mother trick she knew, she'd managed to get him to agree to attend Quinn's wedding with Sugar. Tag teaming with Rosemary, she'd worn him down with the _it's-such-a-shame-to-see-a-handsome-boy-like-you-alone-at-a-wedding _as well as the _you're-both-attending-anyway-so-you-might-as-well-go-together _tactic and he'd finally agreed to go just to get his mother off his back.

Sugar had been ecstatic, arranging a dinner for the two of them, the details of which she sent in an email that Rachel had obviously read. He'd ignored the email until Sugar had mentioned to her mother that he hadn't answered, which meant that Rosemary told _his_ mother who'd forced him to go to. That had easily made his list of top ten worst nights ever, since he'd been forced to listen to Sugar plan out her wedding. He'd tuned out for a while, which was probably why he didn't realize the one key aspect of Sugar's planning, which was that _he_ was the groom. Puck had been no help, pointing out that since Sugar was in the bridal party, it was a guaranteed lay for him (he'd made sure it _wasn't_, although Sugar had certainly tried). He grinned as he typed out his response, forgetting about Sugar.

_**I thought you weren't reading my emails?**_

She must've been startled by his text because he didn't hear from her for a few minutes, giving Sugar plenty of time to dominate his attention. He put her through several basic toning exercises while he checked over her paperwork that Sam had filled out. He'd had to hold back a laugh when he'd seen that Sam had written "_Psycho" _next to name and "_annoying the hell out of others" _as her occupation. Fortunately, Rachel's reply finally came to distract him.

**_I'll have you know that I am not a snoop. I simply accidentally hit the email button as I was scrolling. R*_**

Accidentally his ass. She was _so_ checking out his email. He mentally ran through the emails he remembered, hoping he'd deleted some of the grosser forwards from Puck. He needn't have bothered, because Rachel's next text confirmed that he _hadn't_ deleted his emails from Puck's.

**_By the way, please tell Godsgifttowomen234 to stop sending those offensive emails to my phone. I'm going to guess that he's a macho man's man who insists on calling himself some stupid nickname, right? R*_**

He snorted at that, wondering what Rachel thought of _him_, if her assessment of Puck was so spot on. Still chuckling, he sent back his response.

**_Liar. You "accidentally" opening my email is about as likely as my getting hired as a backup dancer for Beyoncé. But you're totally right about Puck._**

Her response came back just as fast.

**_I'm going to ignore what you just typed. And really? He calls himself Puck and you're still friends with him? R*_**

He chuckled again. Rachel had unknowingly put in words the question he'd been wondering since the day he'd met Puck in Mrs. Nelson's 1st grade class. Smaller than all the boys and most of the girls, Finn had been upset when Maria Johnson wouldn't stop hitting him on the bus. This had continued for a while, until Puck took it upon himself to sit with Finn for protection, a sort of elementary school hired gun. As payment, he'd insisted on being called Puck rather than his given name of Noah, along with the cookies that were _always_ in Finn's Batman lunchbox.

Sam had come along when he'd moved to town the summer between 7th and 8th grade and had attended the same football camp as Finn and Puck, making the duo a trio. Sugar had been there for junior high, driving them crazy in her quest to join their group, but fortunately she'd been shipped off to boarding school, leaving them free to navigate girls, football and high school together.

High School graduation had seen the permanent return of Sugar, who to Finn's dismay had ended up at the same college as him and Sam while Puck had elected to go straight into the working world. Other than that one drunken fling Sam had had with Sugar after a particularly wild Frat party, he'd managed to avoid Sugar as much as possible, something that had proven impossible in the last few years, ever since Sugar had decided that Finn was hot enough to be worthy of her. Chuckling over some of the stupid things the three of them had done together, he typed out a response.

**_Have been for the past 20 years._**

"Earth to Finn! Why are you not looking at me?"

He sighed, knowing that Sugar had been watching intently as he'd checked his phone every few minutes, frowning when nothing was there. He could tell she'd grown increasingly annoyed as she'd watched him show Artie what Sam had written and they'd both started chuckling.

Her frown only grew larger when he pulled out his phone _again, _his fingers furiously texting away instead of fawning over her.

"What are you doing?" she demanded.

"Texting," he replied nonchalantly, barely looking up as his fingers continued to move. Rachel had just commented on how nice it was that he had longstanding friendships, even if they were with someone named Puck and he was anxious to get his response back, asking about her friends.

"How come you can text but I can't have my phone?" she questioned, one hand on her hip.

"Because you're supposed to be exercising and I'm not. Plus, you have that stupid _Sugar Sugar_ song as your ringtone." His eyes flickered up to look at Sugar for a moment before refocusing back on his phone, grinning at whatever had just appeared on his phone.

"Who are you texting? Artie, Sam, and Puck are all here," she enquired. "And your mom is out watching my mom shop on Fifth Avenue."

"Not that it's any of your business, but I'm not texting any of them." He glanced down at his phone and quickly read about Rachel's best friend Santana and how they'd become friends in Glee club, even though Santana had been her sworn enemy at first. "And for your information, I do have other people I text."

The fact that the only other people he really texted were his brother Kurt and his cousin Rory, he wasn't planning on mentioning. He sent his reply back to Rachel, not bothering to look at Sugar.

**_Sworn enemy turned best friend? Does that mean Sugar has hope? Cause if that's true, I'm moving to Jersey or someplace she'd never ever consider living in._**

"Like who?" she scoffed. His eyes flickered up to look at her for just a moment.

"My girlfriend."

The words were blurted out of his mouth before he could think and he had a feeling that the surprised look on Artie's face mirrored his own. Sugar's face was anything _but_ surprised, judging by the way her eyes narrowed.

"Your girlfriend? Your _girlfriend_?" she said, her voice deadly cold. "What about us?"

"Yup." He didn't bother looking up, smiling at Rachel's latest text message.

**_While I in no way advocate running away from your problems, I do have to say she did look a little crazy in that picture. Can I assume then that if this was a play you would be the hot male lead? R*_**

"Finn! Hello!" She stamped her foot as her voice grew in volume. "How could you do this to us?"

"There is _no_ us," Finn pointed out tersely. He glanced at Artie for help, who'd suddenly become incredibly interested in the stitching of Sugar's Chanel bag. He returned his attention to his phone.

**_Drama Queen much? I should give you Kurt's number. If I'm the hot male lead, what does that make you?_**

Her response came back so quickly, he wondered if she had it on standby, as if she knew what he was going to say.

**_I'm the stunning young Ingénue everyone roots for, of course. R*_**

He chuckled at that, his mind already imagining those words coming through the phone, sounding highly offended that he even had to ask.

"There's _always_ been an us, Fifi," Sugar whined, her voice sounding even more annoying as she used the hated childhood nickname she'd bestowed on him when they were 4 years old and she was bossing him around her playroom. "Especially since you got tall and hot. You _know_ I can't date a short guy like Artie."

"Hey!" Artie interjected.

"Sorry, Artie, but that wheelchair's not fooling anyone about what you've got going on in the height department. I've got hair extensions bigger than you," Sugar replied crossly before she turned to Finn again. "Fifi, explain yourself."

"First of all, stop calling me Fifi," he snapped. "And second of all, there's nothing to explain because there is no us! We're _not_ dating!"

"You _know_ we're supposed to end up together." She stamped her foot in frustration. "That's just the way it is."

"Maybe in your world, but not in mine."

Flabbergasted, Sugar continued to stare at him, her face the portrait of suspicion. "You don't have a girlfriend, because if you did, your mom would know about it."

Shit. She had a point. He was struggling to think of a plausible response just as Puck chose that moment to amble over to their little group.

"Hey Hudson, have you seen my..._oh." _He trailed off as he spotted Sugar. "How'd you get stuck with Goldie?"

Finn snorted at Puck's use of the abbreviated form of _gold-digger. _The dig was lost on Sugar though, who simply smiled at him. "Hello, Puck. You're looking good. Not good enough to be dating me, but better than usual."

"I'm surprised you're here, Motta," Puck retorted calmly. "We don't even have valet parking. Where'd you leave the designer broomstick?"

Sugar ignored that comment, choosing to return to the matter at hand. "We were just discussing Finn's new girlfriend, Puck. It's funny how he's never mentioned her to Carole."

Finn, who'd just begun to text Rachel again, paled. He looked up at Puck, hoping he didn't blow his cover. He needn't have worried, because for once, Puck's crudeness worked out in his favor.

"Most guys don't tell their mommies about the girl he's secretly fucking the brains out of," he replied. "Even if they are a mama's boy like Hudson."

Sugar's eyes narrowed dangerously as she crossed her arms. "Who is she, Fifi?"

"Yes, Fifi, who is she?" Puck mocked, also crossing his arms. "Who's the BCB?"

"Shut up, Puckerman. Don't you have something to do?" Finn asked as he started to type out a response to Rachel's stunning young ingénue comment.

"BCB? Are those her initials?" Sugar demanded, mentally running through a list of every girl she knew whose name started with B.

"Hudson's super secretive about this chick, but I think it's time he shares the name with us, don't you?" Puck questioned casually.

Finn ignored both of them, concentrating on finishing his text to Rachel.

**_An ingénue? Is that like another word for phonejacker?_**

He picked up his head just in time to see Puck not so discreetly checking Sugar's ass out. He grinned, suddenly figuring out the perfect revenge for Puck. "Hey Puckerman, can you train Sugar for a moment? Great, thanks! I'll be back."

He walked away before Puck could say anything, grinning at the put out look on both Puck's and Sugar's face for a moment before he turned his attention back to his phone.

**_Funny, Finn. An ingénue is a star, like Barbra. So is she leaving you alone now? R*_**

Checking to see where Beiste was, he settled into the office he shared with Puck and Sam, ready to continue his conversation.

**_Hardly. She's being her usual annoying self. I gave her all the exercises that make her look stupid plus I just passed her off to Puck._**

Figuring he should look busy in case Beiste appeared, he pulled out Sugar's paperwork, pretending to fill it out while he waited for Rachel's response, which as usual, came quickly.

**_Are you a trainer? Because if you are, I would hope you're giving her a carefully prescribed regimen, not one that would endanger her just because she's annoying. I would hate for my vocal coach to give me exercises that ruin my stellar voice. R*_**

Boy she was intense. Maybe he really _should_ introduce her to Puck. A quick romp in the locker room with Puck might loosen her up a little. For some reason, the thought made him frown a little and he buried it in the back of his mind as he sent off his response.

**_I am a personal trainer. Well, for now anyway. And don't worry; I would never have her do anything dangerous, even if she is the most annoying person I've ever met. Stellar voice?_**

Beiste walked past his office at that moment and he buried his head in the paperwork, hoping she didn't notice him. Unfortunately for him, Rachel's ability to rapidly answer his texts backfired on him because the beep of her incoming message was easily picked up by his boss's excellent hearing range. Before she could figure out where it came from, he glanced at the message.

**_I told you. I'm a soon-to-be-star; naturally I have a stellar voice, even if I don't necessarily have the traditional look for Broadway. R*_**

The tone of the message caused his frown to return. True, he had no idea what she looked like, but the girl on the phone definitely did _not_ match this message. The girl he'd spoken to on the phone and been texting had an air of self-confidence about her that was undeniable while this text message exuded self-doubt. He'd never even heard her sing, but just based on what she'd said, he knew it was only a matter of time before she was a full blown star. Thinking carefully, he typed out his response.

"Hudson! You want to explain to me why Puckerman's out there with _your_ client looking like he wants to strangle her with a jump rope?"

Guiltily, Finn looked up at Beiste's formidable frame in the doorway. "Uh, he _wanted_ to work with her?"

"Get your ass out there now before I find myself _wanting_ to use you as my own personal bench press," Beiste threatened. "Puckerman may be annoyed by her now, but it's only a matter of time before I have to disinfect the locker room again and if that happens, you'll be on your hands and knees scrubbing the disinfectant on with a toothbrush."

Finn gulped, already getting out the chair, his cell phone in hand. He attempted to scurry past her, but her hand shot out, blocking his way.

"Not so fast, Don Juan. Seems to me that you're a _little _distracted by that cell phone, so I'll take that." She plucked the cell phone out of his hand, placing it in the pocket of her striped polo shirt.

"But I need-" He was cut off from explaining that he hadn't gotten to send his message yet by Beiste.

"The only thing you need is to get your ass out there before I make myself a hat out of it."

The threat wasn't lost on Finn who gave one last longing look at his cell phone before he slunked back to Sugar and a furious Puck, who had Sugar walking backwards on the floor like a crab.

"Bout time, Hudson. If I have to listen to her yapping anymore, I'm gonna drop a free weight on my own foot," Puck hissed.

"Finn! You're back!" Sugar cried from the floor. "Puck just doesn't know how to train me like you do."

"Baby, if there's one thing I know it's how to _train_ a woman," Puck retorted, thrusting his hips a little.

Sugar rolled her eyes. "You're disgusting, Puckerman. You see what I had to put up with, Fifi?"

Finn, about to retort but catching Beiste watching him out of the corner of his eye, sighed as he thought longingly of his cell phone tucked securely in Beiste's pocket. Rachel was probably going to wonder what happened to him or accuse him of being rude for not answering…

Crap.

Once again, he'd been so completely distracted by Rachel that he forgot why he needed that phone back so badly. His face took on a mask of horror as he realized he'd agreed to let Rachel _keep_ the phone until she got her call. When he'd texted her, he'd been planning on telling her that he'd be more than willing to pass along any messages she got on his phone but she'd somehow finagled him into letting her keep the phone, the phone that _he_ needed.

"You ok, Hudson?" Puck asked, peering at him.

"I'm fine," he replied automatically, feeling anything but.

He was _so _dead.

* * *

><p>Rachel glanced at her cell phone for the umpteenth time as she bit her lip. It had been over an hour since Finn's last text and she was starting to get concerned. She'd been enjoying their banter and was starting to worry that something had happened to him.<p>

She checked the last text she'd sent, the one about not having the traditional Broadway look and she twirled a lock of hair around her finger in contemplation. Could he have stopped texting because he was afraid she was ugly based on what she wrote? She didn't really know him that well, but based on what she did know, she didn't think he was that type of guy.

**_"I'm a bitch/I'm a lover/I'm a child/I'm a mother..."_**

Sighing, she picked up the phone. "Hello?"

_"Where were you? Cornelius told me you were late and you know I don't like that. Did you get it?"_

As usual, the caller hung up before she could say anything, making her more curious about this situation. She got up, deciding to make herself a cup of tea and took the phone with her, placing it on the counter. She'd just placed a tea bag in a mug when the phone rang, but for once, it _wasn't_ the _I'm a Bitch_ ringtone. She stared at the phone, wondering if the fact that the phone was now playing the theme from _The Exorcist_ was a good thing or a bad thing. Cautiously, she picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Where is it, you doofus?" a childish voice demanded.

"Where's what?" she asked, curiosity fueling her. Her curiosity was in vain, because as usual, the caller hung up. Annoyed, she stared at the phone just as a text message appeared.

**_Sorry, my boss took my phone but why does it matter what they think is the traditional look anyway? A star is a star, no matter what they look like._**

She knew it. She knew he wasn't _that_ guy. Smiling, she quickly texted back, ignoring the whistling tea kettle.

**_Thank you Finn. R*_**

His response came back immediately.

**_No problem. Have I gotten any calls?_**

Rachel laughed. That was the understatement of the century. Besides the two calls she'd actually answered, _I'm a Bitch _had reverberated through her small apartment a number of times. Each time, she'd let it go to voicemail, hating that song more and more with each call. She quickly typed a response.

**_Cornelius isn't happy that you were late and wants to know where it is, while the Bitch lady wants to know if you picked it up. What's this all about? R*_**

She was starting to worry, wondering if he was involved in something illegal, something that could possibly derail her Broadway career if she was somehow connected to it. His response was less than reassuring.

**_Don't worry about it. But next time they call can you just tell them I left it in the locker? They'll know what it means._**

Her imagination growing in proportion to her worry, she sent back her response immediately.

**_Left what? R*_**

Again, his answer didn't do anything to assuage her fears.

**_Don't worry about it. Just pass along the message._**

Not going to happen. Will _still_ hadn't called and what if she passed along this message, a big drug deal went down and she was called down to the police just as Will was doing a background check?

**_I will do no such thing until I'm sure that there's nothing illegal about this. What are you talking about? What's in the locker? R*_**

There. That should make him tell her, if he was that desperate to have her pass along the message. His response came back immediately.

**_A tuba._**

She burst out laughing at his text. Here she was imagining all sorts or drug deals and weapons trading and he was talking about a tuba. Still laughing, she questioned him further.

**_A tuba? You play the tuba? You don't sound like the tuba playing type. R*_**

He sounded to her more like a lover of classic rock, like a guitar player or a drummer. She thought back over every tuba player she'd seen in the various shows she'd worked in, and none of them matched the voice she'd heard on the phone. The phone beeped again and she quickly opened the message.

**_That's because I'm not. The drums are my instrument of choice. If you must know, I left Cornelius' stupid tuba in his locker at his music school when I picked him up._**

She**_ knew _**it. She prided herself on her musical prowess and she just**_ knew _**someone with as sexy as voice as Finn had would**_ not _**be a tuba player. Nevertheless, she needed to make sure it was true.

**_How do I know you're not lying? R*_**

He was silent for a few minutes, making Rachel wonder if he was concocting a lie. After about five minutes, a video text came through. She opened it, expecting to finally see what Finn looked like, but to her surpise the phone was focused on a drum set. She could see a man she assumed was Finn sitting on a stool behind it, although she could only see from the neck down. From what she could see, he was tall and well built.

She liked it.

The sexy voice she liked so much began talking after a few moments. _"Sorry. I had to get Kurt to agree to film. Say hi, Kurt."_

A new voice was heard. _"Hello and may I say I had no input into what Finn is wearing? I mean really Finn. If you're going to put on a recorded performance you really should be wearing a tuxedo or somethi-."_

_"Shut up and film Kurt. This will prove that I'm not a liar."_

She could hear Kurt snickering. _"Oh really? Who dented Dad's car bumper when they hit that pole but claimed they didn't know how it happened?"_

_"Kurt! Shut up and film!"_

She chuckled at the two of them but was immediately awed by his talent. He really did play the drums and played them well. She waited for the video text to finish before she sent back her response.

**_You're amazing, Finn. _****_Nice choice of ringtones by the way. These people sound lovely. R*_**

His response came quickly.

_**It's nothing. As for the ringtones, I like to match the ringtone to the person. So does this mean you'll pass along my message?**_

She hesitated before she sent her response. She should say no, she really should, but something told her Finn wasn't the type to be involved in anything weird. It was just her insanely overactive imagination at work. _Of course_ he wasn't involved in anthing illegal since he was wearing a plaid shirt over a t-shirt and jeans. Didn't criminals always either wear track suits or actual suits when they were doing deals?

_**Yes. R***_

His response came just as quickly as before.

**_Awesome. One of them will probably call soon._**

He was silent for a few minutes after that, allowing her to go to the bathroom. She emerged from the bathroom just as the theme from _The Exorcist_ started playing again.

"Your tuba is in a locker at school," she barked into the phone.

"You're still a doofus," the childish voice she assumed was Cornelius announced before hanging up.

Sighing, she sent off a quick text to Finn informing him that she'd told Cornelius of the whereabouts of his tuba. His response came thanking her profusely. Still chuckling over her super active imagination, she started to text him telling him how she was picturing drug deals going down. She got as far as two words before the dreaded ringtone started playing.

_**I'm a bitch/I'm a lover/I'm a child/I'm a mother...**_

Beyond annoyed, she picked up the phone again, barking her greeting. "What?"

_"My shipment comes in at 7:45 tonight. Terminal One. JFK. Usual guy. Don't be late this time."_

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Bonding via texting :) I have to say, I was shocked when no one picked up on the Sugar clues I left in ch 2, I thought it was fairly obvious LOL**_


	4. Airing the Dirty Laundry

**_Disclaimer: Glee is not mine_**

* * *

><p><strong><em>You know Hobbes...some days even wearing my lucky rocket ship underwear doesn't help.<em>**

_-__**Calvin & Hobbes**_

* * *

><p>As she'd been doing for the last half hour, Rachel paced the floor of her apartment, wringing her hands. She'd lost count of how many times the theme of <em>The Exorcist<em> had echoed throughout her apartment, let alone _I'm a Bitch._ The words she'd heard coming through the phone the last time she'd answered were playing on an endless loop in her head.

_Shipment._

_JFK._

_Usual guy._

There was no getting around it, all signs pointed to the same thing. She paused her pacing as she considered the thought that had been making her sick for the past thirty minutes.

Finn was in the mafia.

He _had_ to be. What else could that phone call mean? How many times had she seen Paulie Walnuts and Silvio head out to pick up a shipment on _The Sopranos_? She resumed her pacing, trying to figure out what to do. Should she call the police and let them know an illegal operation of some sort was about to go down at JFK? That plan was shot down almost immediately once she realized that _she_ got the call which made her the go-between.

Oh God, she was Christopher.

If she called the police, she'd be arrested for having knowledge of the operation, she just knew it. They'd have to take her phone away and then she'd _never_ get her call. That was _not_ an option in her opinion. Angrily, she picked up the phone, scrolling through the recent call log until she found the one she was looking for.

"_Hello?"_

"Look, I don't know what you're doing and I can assure you I don't _want_ to know, but please don't involve me in your illegal plots," she barked in greeting.

"_Illegal plots? What are you talking about?"_

Finn's voice held a note of amusement, which only added to her ire. "Don't play dumb with me, Finn Hudson. I know how it works. I watched all six seasons of _The Sopranos._"

"_Oh that was an awesome show, although the ending kinda sucked. You see the one where Bobby Bacala got shot in the train store?"_

"Of course I did. I'm nothing if not dedicated to my shows," she replied. "I liked the one where Uncle Junior- wait a minute! I didn't call to discuss _The Sopranos_!"

"_So does that fact that you're calling me mean I'm getting my phone back then?"_

"Do you honestly think I don't know what you're up to?" she questioned, getting back to the matter at hand.

"_Wow, you knew I was making a sandwich before I go kick my cousin Rory's ass at darts? That's impressive, but it would be really impressive if you knew what kind."_

"I'm not calling to see if you're having tuna, Finn," she snapped. "I'm calling because I _know."_

"_Actually, I'm having turkey. I would __**never**__ have tuna before I went to the bar. What if I met a girl? And what the hell do you think you know?"_

She paused; temporarily distracted by the fact that he must not have a girlfriend based on his last statement. Shaking the thought from her head, she resumed her quest for the truth. "I don't_ think_ I know, I _know_ I know. And what I know is that you're in the mafia."

"_What! I'm not in the mafia."_

This statement was preceded by a burst of laughter, making Rachel more annoyed. Not that she expected him to admit it, but he didn't need to laugh. This was seriously affecting _her_. She highly doubted Julie Andrews was hired to play Mary Poppins based on her mob connections and criminal record.

"Oh, excuse me. You're in _waste management_," she amended, remembering too late the occupation that Tony Soprano always used as a cover. "Your next shipment of _waste_ comes in to JFK tonight at 7:45."

"_What? Seriously?"_

She noticed that he'd stopped laughing immediately, his voice again assuming that panicked tone. "Yes, the call just came in, making me Christopher to your Paulie Walnuts, so thank you for that. You need to meet the usual guy by the way and don't be late this time. Are you going to wear a track suit or are you the guy who wears the loud suit?"

"_I can't believe this! Why didn't you tell me earlier?"_

"I'm sorry. This is my first time being involved in a mob deal," she retorted crisply. "Had I known that meeting you would give me the opportunity to be whacked prematurely, I would have reported it to you right away."

"_Are you insane? Do you honestly think I'd let you keep my phone if I was in the mafia? Besides, I'm not even Italian!"_

Rachel paused, lacking a retort temporarily. "How do I know that there's not an Irish mafia? Not that it really matters, since Hesh Rabkin wasn't Italian and Tony still let him into the mob family on _The Sopranos._"

"_You watch too much TV, you know that? I'm __**not**__ in the mafia and there's nothing illegal about what I'm picking up at JFK."_

"Then what are you picking up?" she demanded. "Tell me."

"_Give me my phone."_

"No."

"_Then I'm not telling you."_

"Fine. Be that way." She paused for a moment. "Are you going to tell me?"

"_Are you going to give me my phone?"_

"Of course not. Tell me now."

"_Nope."_

"You're infuriating, you know that?" she demanded crossly.

"_I know. Just like I'm sure you know that you're annoying."_

"I'm not annoying!" she huffed. "_You're_ the one being annoyingly mysterious!"

"_Ok, but you are."_

"I'll have you know that many people find me endearing, which by definition means I'm beloved." The thought crossed her mind that Mike's parents were included in the few who _didn't_ find her endearing and a frown marred her face.

"_See? Who does that? Who goes around spouting definitions? Annoying."_

"A well rounded vocabulary is essential for anyone!" she defended. "It also serves me well when I play Scrabble. I was able to score 75 points with _quelled._"

"_Quelled? What the hell does that mean?"_

"Oh, so now you _want_ to know the definition? I don't know if I'm in the mood to tell you," she responded crisply.

"_Like I said. Annoying."_

"If you _must _know, it's the past participle of quell, meaning to vanquish or put an end to. As in _Finn quelled my fears about his illegal activities by telling me what he was picking up at the airport._"

"_Oh. Well you should try using the word 'business' next time you play. As in Rachel should mind her own business about what other people are picking up at the airport."_

"That wouldn't even get me a lot of points, Finn," she snapped. "Now for the last time, are you in the mafia or not?"

"_I am not."_

"Really. What's your mob name? Finny Guns?" she scoffed, ignoring his denial. The roar of laughter coming through the phone irked her to no end. "I fail to see humor in this, Finn!"

"_I'm sorry, but Finny Guns? If I __**was**__ in the mafia, I'd like to think I had a better name than __**that**__."_

"Well unlike you, I'm not in the mafia so I'm not quite sure how the naming process works," she retorted.

"_I'm not in the mafia!"_

"Of course you're going to say that! Just go pick up your secret shipment and don't involve me ok?"

"_Look, you're a soon to be Broadway star, right?"_

She could hear him sigh through the phone and she answered quickly, curious to see where he was going with this. "Of course. As a matter of fact, I'm in strong consideration for the lead in Mary Poppins."

"_Wow. You must be seriously talented."_

"I am. But go on."

"_Well how long have you waited for the opportunity to be in strong consideration for a lead role?"_

"Approximately 263 auditions or 4 years to you," she replied, still slightly bitter that she wasn't given a lead role 262 auditions ago.

"_So for four years you did whatever it took to get those 263 auditions right? To get noticed by the right people?"_

"Of course," she answered, remembering all the crazy things she'd done to get on casting director's radars, which included "randomly" running into them at restaurants and most recently, stealing a cell phone.

"_Well let's just say that the person calling you is my non Broadway version of getting noticed."_

"And it's not illegal?" she stipulated, her mind going into overdrive trying to think of what else he could possibly be doing.

"_Absolutely not. It has nothing to do with the mafia or any other crazy scheme you've got running in your head."_

Relief flowed through her. She wouldn't be attending rehearsals for _Mary Poppins_ with her parole officer in tow. "Oh. Well in that case, I need to go. Gotta keep the line free."

"_Wait! I-"_

"I'm sorry; I'm still waiting for my call but good luck at darts!" Quickly, she hung up the phone before he could say anything else and keep her on the phone. She'd already hung up on Mike earlier, she wasn't about to keep talking to Finn.

She suddenly found it disconcerting to know that she was _seriously_ considering pressing redial.

* * *

><p>"That's game, mate," Rory announced as he plucked the darts off the board. "Looks like you're buying next round, plus some shots for being late."<p>

"He wasn't late, he was banging the BCB," Puck responded. "We should be buying _him_ a shot."

Finn sighed as he finished off his beer and signaled for the waitress to bring another round. Thanks to his impromptu trip to JFK, he'd been an hour late to meet Puck, Sam, Artie, and his cousin Rory at their usual hangout, Ruby's. Puck of course had immediately assumed that he was off with the BCB and informed everyone so, which resulted in Finn earning a round of applause and a beer when he'd finally arrived. "For the last time, I don't have a BCB!"

"Whatever you say," Puck replied, shrugging.

"I don't know why you hide it, Finn," Rory commented in his Irish brogue, placing the darts on the table. "Is she a scrubber?"

"Translation?" Puck looked at Finn expectantly, Sam and Artie doing the same next to him.

"A classless girl," Finn answered, more than used to translating for his cousin. Rory's American mom Cheryl was _his_ mom's younger sister. Cheryl had met her future husband back in college when he was in the United States as an exchange student and once married, had moved back to his native Ireland with him, where they'd raised their two sons, Rory and Seamus. Cheryl and Peter had frequently brought the boys back to her native country, resulting in Finn, Rory and Seamus becoming fairly close.

Like his father before him, Rory had come over to the States for college, but _unlike _his father, had chosen to stay after college, easily obtaining a job with Aer Lingus. Thanks to Finn and especially Puck, he was very familiar with American slang, although every once in a while he reverted to his native Irish slang.

"Oh. Those are the best kind," Puck replied, taking a fresh beer from the round the waitress had just brought over. "Excellent for the hit and quit."

"Hit and quit?" Rory furrowed his brow for a moment. "That would be what you did with that girl in the bathroom, right Finn?"

"Exactly," Sam answered for Finn, who was clearly ignoring Rory's question. "It's Puck's personal mantra."

"Damn straight," Puck declared, holding up in beer in salute. "I can't be tied down."

"Preach," Artie added, holding his own beer up. "Bitches be crazy."

"Which is why Hudson's got the right idea with the BCB," Puck commented, taking a swig of his beer. "He gets to blows his load and then go; without the responsibility of a relationship."

"Can we please not focus on my love life?" Finn snapped, wondering why he'd agreed to come to the bar at all. "Maybe you all should pay attention to your own."

"Jeez, in a bad mood much?" Sam asked as he picked up the darts, sorting them by color.

"Aw, leave him alone," Puck directed, taking the white darts from Sam. "He's had a stressful week. He and Carole couldn't decide who to vote for on _Dancing with the Stars._"

Finn ignored that crack, distracted by the beeping of his cell phone. A small grin appeared on his face when he realized that Rachel had sent him a text message.

_**Are you winning? **_

He quickly sent back his reply, glad he'd lost the last game since it meant he could text uninterrupted.

_**Nope. Artie and I lost the last game against Puck and Rory, so Artie dumped me for Sam.**_

"Dude! You suck this game! It must run in the family."

Finn looked up from his phone to see Puck chastising Rory for failing to hit the 18. Not wanting to get involved in it, he turned his attention back to his beeping phone and Rachel.

_**Oh. I'm not very familiar with the rules, but I assume that's not permanent right? As someone who was usually picked last for gym, Artie's actions don't seem very nice to me.**_

He chuckled at that, easily imagining her spouting off a definition and getting pegged with a dodgeball.

_**No, it's ok. We usually just rotate each other into the losing team. So I'm guessing you're not a sports person?**_

He was willing to bet good money that she wasn't. His eyes drifted up to the dart game going on, where Artie and Sam were currently in a heated strategy session while Puck and Rory tried to act like they weren't listening by checking out a group of girls who'd just walked in. Not interested in any of their antics, he turned his attention back to his now beeping phone.

_**I'll have you know that I attend the Broadway softball league games every year, even if I choose not to play.**_

A smirk came on his face at her words, assuming _choose not to play_ meant she sucked. Before he question her further, a string of expletives coming from Puck's mouth made him look up.

"Dude, what's your problem?" Finn asked, startled.

"My problem, Hudson, is that your cousin suddenly _sucks, _while Abrams, who normally can't hit the broadside of a barn, can't miss. I'm starting to thi…" Puck trailed off, staring at something near the door. "Uh oh. In coming."

"Huh?" Finn, who'd lost interest in Puck's ranting and had turned his attention back to his phone, looked up again at Puck's warning. "What are you talking about?"

"_In coming_," he repeated, nodding his head towards the door. "Psycho at two o'clock."

Finn followed his gaze, his heart dropping. "Shit. Shit, shit, _shit._ Who told?"

He cast accusatory eyes around the small group, trying to figure out who the rat was who'd informed Sugar of his whereabouts. Puck, Sam and Rory were all wearing blank expressions while Artie was staring up at the ceiling, looking anywhere but at Finn.

"Dude! How could you?" he cried, launching a paper coaster like a Frisbee at Artie, pleased when it hit him right in the face.

"I didn't tell her! She asked me what I was doing tonight and I said I was going out with the guys. Obviously, she put two and two together," Artie defended.

"Really? She cracked that code?" Finn replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He could see Sugar, a look of distaste on her face at her surroundings, marching his way and he contemplated making a run for the men's room.

"Finn! There you are!" Sugar demanded coming to a stop by their table. She arched an eyebrow at Rory, who'd just sat down on the stool next to Finn. "Move it, Irish."

Rory, his crush on Sugar blinding him to her rudeness, immediately obliged, jumping out the seat and cleaning it off for Sugar. "There you go."

"You can hold my bag," Sugar decided, thrusting her Chanel purse into Rory's arms. Satisfied that he was correctly handling her purse, she focused back on Finn. "You didn't tell me we were hanging out tonight."

"That's because _we_ weren't," Finn corrected, taking a swig of beer. "Last time I checked, you were of the opinion that bars were full of single people and single people don't exist in your world, if I remember correctly."

"Don't be silly, Finn. If you're going to be here, then I am too, although it would have been nice hearing it from you, not Artie," Sugar admonished. "Mother always says if you want to make your man happy you need to go where he is."

Puck snickered. "And here my mom only ever told me that double bagging doesn't work."

Finn, who'd just reopened Rachel's last message, chuckled as he typed out a message to Rachel.

**_Oh no. Sugar's here at the bar._**

Sugar rolled her eyes at Puck's comment. "Fifi, must we hang out with such _vulgar_ people?"

"Yes," Finn replied shortly as his phone beeped. She must have been waiting for his response because it came back instantaneously.

**_So? Can't you leave?_**

"I find it funny that your _girlfriend_ isn't here," Sugar commented, a frown on her face as she watched Finn stare at his phone. "But since she's imaginary, it works out. I really only came to tell you that Todd and Margo are in town and they've invited us to a wine tasting tonight."

"Whoa, you're a lucky guy, Finn. A wine-tasting party? I'm jealous," Sam mocked. "They didn't invite the rest of us?"

"Of course not. Margo is a _Vanderbilt._ You think I'm going to introduce her to _that_?" She pointed to Puck, who was currently proving to Artie that he could in fact down two beers consecutively. Artie watched, awestruck as Puck slammed the second beer down and let out a satisfying belch. "Not to mention that your Joker mouth might freak them out."

"You weren't complaining about my mouth a few years ago," Sam retorted with a smirk. "Have fun, Finn."

"Huh?" Finn, completely distracted by Rachel's text, had missed Sugar's announcement entirely. Rachel's text was pointing out the obvious. Why _didn't_ he just leave?

**_You're a genius._**

"Fifi? Were you paying attention?" Sugar demanded. "We were supposed to be there an hour ago. Are you going to wear _that_?"

"Huh?" he repeated, standing up. "Sorry, gotta go."

"Good, Finn. Go home and get changed. You _cannot_ attend a wine tasting with my best friend from boarding school wearing jeans. Go have Kurt pick something out," Sugar directed.

Her words finally sunk in and he looked up at his friends in horror. Puck, Sam and Artie all wore matching expressions of amusement while Rory was staring at Sugar, who herself had an expectant look on her face as she stared at Finn. His phone beeped, buying him some time to think.

**_While I don't advocate lying, in this case it's justified. Once I'm a lead on Broadway and I've attracted a stalker, I have several plausable excuses all ready to go._**

"Sorry, I have to go…open a jar for my mom," he blurted out.

Puck's eyes lit up in understanding as he glanced at the phone in Finn's hand. "That was the BCB wasn't it? The only thing you're opening is her legs right?"

Sugar turned accusatory eyes on Finn. "_Finn_. I thought we already went through this at the gym. You _don't_ have a girlfriend."

Finn said nothing, pulling on his coat. He glanced around, willing the guys to back him up.

"Sorry, Sugar. Finn's been laying pipe with this girl for like a month now," Sam piped up. "At least, we think it's a girl. We've never seen her or even know her name."

"Finn?" Sugar arched her eyebrows, her arms crossed as she demanded an answer.

"Yeah, uh, gotta go. Pickle jar," Finn blurted out. "See you guys."

He hurried out before Sugar could protest, or worse, _follow_ him. Fortunately, her Jimmy Choo's prevented her from scurrying after him and he was able to get back to his apartment Sugar free.

Sighing, he made his way into his bedroom and flopped onto his bed, trying to figure out what the hell he was going to do with the rest of his night now that Sugar had ruined it for him. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, quickly typing out a text to Rachel.

**_I escaped to my apartment._**

He lay on his bed, waiting for the response he was sure was coming as he thought about what to do with the rest of his night. He could keep watching the game that had been on at the bar or he could play some _Halo, _but given the fact that his usual gaming partners were still at the bar, that seemed like a less viable option. He could play some _MarioKart_ though.

Scratching his chest, he rolled over, planning to change into some sweats but frowning when he saw the massive pile of laundry in the corner of the room. He'd forgotten about his laundry situation. Normally, he brought his laundry to his mom's house when he went there for Sunday dinner and football, but Beiste had sent him and Sam to that CPR seminar in Philadelphia last weekend which meant he'd missed dinner and laundry. Hoping there was something clean in his drawers, he opened the nearest one.

His phone beeped as he was examining the empty drawer and he momentarily forgot about his clothes quest to see what Rachel had to say.

**_I'm sure you can think of something fun to do at home. I've already cleaned my kitchen, had a cup of coffee and have just completed my yoga. Any ideas about what you're going to do?_**

He snorted at that. _Of course_ she would have done all that in addition to convincing herself that he was in the mafia. Suddenly feeling like his choice to lounge around and play _MarioKart_ was stupid, he eyed that pile of laundry in the corner as he sent back his response.

**_I just might have a few ideas._**

He ignored the little voice in his head that was insisting that talking to Rachel all night was one of them.

* * *

><p>This was a<em> bad<em> idea.

He rubbed the back of his neck as he stared at the massive pile of clothes on the table in front of him, a new appreciation for his mom sprouting. He'd thought it would be so kickass of him to do the laundry and save her the trouble of doing it for him. The only problem was that never having done the laundry before, he had no clue how to go about it.

He pulled out his cell phone, wondering who to call for help. His mom was out, since that defeated the whole purpose of him doing the laundry. He could call Kurt, but he'd probably show up in the Laundromat with stain guides and charts, so he was out too. If Puck and Sam ever found out that his mom did his laundry for him every Sunday, it would only fuel their belief that he was a mama's boy and he'd _never_ hear the end of it, so they were eliminated also. Rory had too big of a mouth to keep this secret and Sugar would die before she did the laundry, not that he'd ever ask her.

He turned the phone over in his hand, wondering if he dared ask Rachel for help. Sure, she'd been texting him the whole time since he'd made the mistake of asking her what songs she'd practiced and had received a detailed series of texts on the history of Barbra Joan Streisand and why her songs were so timeless but this was different, more personal. Out of options, he typed out a question.

**_Um…can I ask you something?_**

As usual, her response came rapidly, making him wonder if she ever put the phone down.

**_Yes, I honestly believe Barbra is the single greatest national treasure._**

He rolled his eyes at her one track mind as he answered.

**_No, I have to ask you something else. Something embarrassing._**

He eyed his laundry, wondering if he could bring himself to do what Puck always did, which was find the pieces that smelled the least and wear those. Luckily, before he could succumb to the temptation, Rachel's response came.

**_Embarassing? As in have I ever fallen off stage or something like that? Because the answer is no. I did slip on some butter once, but it in no way impacted my talent._**

The image of this intense girl slipping on butter made him laugh outright and the fact that she slipped and was more concerned with it affecting her talent than her reputation made him laugh harder. His eyes tearing, his fingers flew to type his text back.

**_I'll have to hear that story later, but I meant embarrassing for me._**

It wasn't quite the same as falling on butter, but he figured that she was bound to find the fact that he'd never once done the laundry funny. Her text confirmed his thinking.

**_Oh well that's different! So what's your question then?_**

He hesitated for a moment, but something told him that she'd help him.

**_How do you do laundry?_**

Her response came back even quicker than usual and he burst out laughing when he saw what she'd written.

**_What do you mean? Is that some sort of sexual innuendo?_**

He was totally going to have some fun with this. She came across as a little uptight, so he sent back a response sure to ruffle her feathers.

**_I mean exactly what I typed. And why do you always assume it's something sexual? I'm starting to think you're a little kinky._**

The phone almost fell out of his hands when he saw her response, a response he _definitely _wasn't expecting.

**_Wouldn't you like to know? ;)_**

Alright, two could play at this game. If she was going to take the conversation into this territory, he had more than enough ammunition to take her down.

**_You forget I've spent 20 years being friends with Puck, who's got all sorts of insane theories about women, one of which is that women who have 'well rounded' vocabularies are kinkier so I already know the answer._**

There. That should make him this round's winner, with a total knockout. He grinned as the phone beeped, already anticipating his win.

**_I'm going to ignore that. What's with the laundry?_**

Yup. TKO to him this round. Dropping it for now, he felt his face flush as he typed his next text.

**_I'm a laundry virgin._**

He pressed send before he could change his mind, ignoring the woman who'd been sorting her laundry nearby and staring at him as he laughed.

**_A what? What is that?_**

Unable to resist teasing her a little, he channeled his inner Puck as revenge for stealing his phone.

**_Been so long since you've been a virgin that you forgot what it means?_**

He sat back, curious to see what her response was. Puck would really be proud that he thought of that crack.

**_I'm going to ignore that also. I was simply questioning how it applies to laundry._**

She was really making this too easy, letting him throw back things from their earlier conversations in her face.

**_I'm just saying. You were so quick to whip out the dictionary for the definition of proposition and quelled._**

He smirked, hearing that gasp of indignation he'd heard so often on the phone in his head.

**_ A laundry virgin? How is that possible?_**

It was possible because he had a mother who was strong as steel when she wanted to be and both he and Kurt knew better than to argue with her when she insisted on something. Which was why both he and Kurt were always present on Sundays for dinner, something that had started back freshman year of college, when he was at Hofstra and Kurt was at NYU. While Kurt soon located a dry cleaner near his dorm that he felt could handle his designer clothes, Finn had happily come home from Hofstra every Sunday (usually hungover), with the requested bag of laundry in tow, something that continued well after college.

**_ As embarrassing as it is to admit, my mom always does my laundry for me._**

He wondered what she was thinking when she read the message he'd just sent. He didn't _think_ she'd laugh, but he wasn't sure. The response that came back surprised him with its vagueness.

**_I see._**

Hmm. He couldn't tell what she meant by that. Did it mean she shared the opinion with Puck and Sam that he was a mama's boy? Or did it mean something else? Feeling the need to elaborate, he typed his text back quickly.

**_I told her she doesn't have to, but she insists. And no, I'm NOT a mama's boy._**

There. That should stop her from calling him a mama's boy, something that annoyed him to no end. Puck and Sam had quickly picked up on the closeness between mother and son and had never let him hear the end of it. Burt and Kurt hadn't come along until 8th grade, which meant it was only him and his mom for 14 years, something neither of them could ever understand.

He glanced up at the woman still sorting her clothes nearby. She'd sorted out her underwear and bras and he wondered if he should do that too. She glanced up at him and he blushed, embarrassed at having been caught staring. Not wanting to look like more of a fool, he quickly began pulling his boxers out of the massive pile in front of him just as Rachel's reply came back.

**_I didn't say you were. _**

Well that was different. He wasn't expecting that response and he frowned, wondering if he'd put the idea in her head now. Just in case, he addressed it in his next text.

**_Well I'm not._**

Her response was simple and came back quick like always.

**_Ok._**

This girl was seriously infuriating. How was he supposed to know what she was thinking if she sent back one word answers? Did she think he was a mama's boy or not? He didn't think so, but he wasn't totally sure. Trying to get her to play her hand, he divulged a little back story.

**_Puck and Sam always make fun of me for it, but they don't get how it was just me and Mom for a long time. My dad died when I was a baby._**

She didn't respond for a minute or two and he wondered if he freaked her out. He went back to rummaging through his pile of clothes and putting his boxers in a pile as he waited for her response. He'd just pulled out a particularly embarrassing pair of Christmas boxers when his phone beeped. Ignoring the woman who was now laughing at his boxers, he lunged for the phone, curious to see what she said.

**_There's nothing wrong with having a close relationship with your mom. I think it's cute._**

He knew it. He knew she wouldn't think he was a mama's boy. Grinning, he typed out his response, his boxers all but forgotten as he tossed them on the pile.

**_Can you tell Puck and Sam that? They think it's hysterical._**

That last text was sent a little bitterly but he hoped Rachel wouldn't pick up on that. She obviously didn't judging by her response, either that or she just wanted to make him feel better.

**_I'll be sure and tell them._**

Whether she wanted to placate him or not, he couldn't help but wonder what would happen if she met his friends. He had a feeling she could hold her own with Puck and she'd get along with Rory, Sam and Artie. It would definitely be a lot different from Sugar being in their group, since Rachel seemed much cooler. He suddenly felt the need to tell her so.

**_Thanks. You're cool Rachel. Even if you are a phonejacker._**

He added that last part teasingly, wondering if she was ready to give him back his phone. He seriously doubted it.

**_I know._**

Her simple answer made him chuckle. The woman who'd been laughing at his boxers stared at him again and he turned his attention to the matter at hand.

**_So cool that you'll help me figure out my laundry situation?_**

The woman was now putting her clothing into the machines and he wondered if he should do that too. He was just about to ask her which machine was for underwear when Rachel's reply came.

**_Fine. Sort your colors into white, light and dark. While I myself divide my clothes into many subcategories, those three categories should suffice for a laundry virgin._**

Oh. Good thing he didn't just shove his stuff into the machine like he was planning to do. He quickly began sorting, frowning when he came to a green plaid shirt. Quickly, he sent off a text to Rachel.

**_What about plaid? What does that fall into? It's got white, dark and light colors in it._**

He frowned when he realized that he had _a lot_ of plaid stuff. Besides the shirt in his hand, he had several others, along with all his plaid boxers. Kurt had declared a war on plaid last Christmas, threatening to burn all his stuff instead of a Yule Log, but he'd just laughed it off. Right now though, he was starting to wish Kurt _had_ burned it all. For that matter, what about his basketball shorts? They were black but had a white stripe down the side, which pile should they go in? Panicking, he clutched the shirt as she waited for Rachel's response, which soon arrived.

**_What's it made of?_**

How was he supposed to know _that?_ It was a shirt, wasn't it just made of shirt fabric? She must've sensed that he was confused because she fired off another text.

**_Send me a picture. I'm waiting._**

Sighing, he threw the shirt onto a pile, quickly taking a picture and sending it off to her.

**_Is that Santa Snoopy I see?_**

Horrified, he looked at the pile he'd thrown the shirt on, realizing that it was the pile of boxers he'd made earlier. The image of Snoopy dressed in a Santa suit was clearly visible behind the shirt as was the rest of his (plaid) underwear and he blushed scarlet, ready to kill his mom for buying him embarrassing boxers that had kicked him in the ass twice. Three times really, since Puck had thought it was funny to pull his pants down at the bar one night, resulting in all of Ruby's getting a Christmas greeting from Snoopy. Furiously, he typed an explanation, hoping that it satisfied her and she'd drop it, distracted by his question.

**_My mom gets me and Kurt funny holiday boxers as a gag gift every year. Put it in the dark pile?_**

Her response came back within seconds and he frowned upon seeing it.

**_So you and Kurt have matching boxers?_**

Damn her and her insane curiosity. He should have known she wouldn't of dropped it, since she'd read all his emails. Sighing, he typed out an abbreviated response, one that he hoped didn't make him look like too big of a dork.

**_No. I got Snoopy, he got Woodstock this year. Should I put them in the dark pile?_**

He added on that question, once again trying to move her away from the topic of embarrassing underwear.

**_It's late February. Why are you wearing your holiday boxers now?_**

His firm denial was sent off quickly and he hoped she wouldn't take it as him lying since he totally was. The result of not going to his mom's in two weeks was that he'd quickly run out of clean boxers, reducing him to wearing the gag gifts his mom had bought him. Her response came just as quick and he mentally cursed the creator of Snoopy as he read it.

**_Clearly you are, if the Snoopy ones are in the laundry now. I myself only wear my holiday panties at the appropriate holiday season. Put the plaid ones in the dark pile and the Snoopy ones in with your pile of reds._**

Hold the phone. She was giving him shit about his Snoopy boxers and _she's_ got holiday underwear? Clearly, he needed to call her out on that.

**_Hold on. You have holiday underwear? I want to see._**

His laundry forgotten, he waited impatiently for her next text, which came after an unusually long pause.

**_Did you put them in the dark pile? And I am not showing you my underwear._**

Well well well. She was attempting to use his own distraction technique on him, which was not going to work. Puck would be _furious_ if he ever found out that Finn had the chance to see a girl's underwear and didn't follow through. He summoned his powers of persuasion into his text.

**_Come on. You saw mine._**

The response came fast and furious, making him smirk.

**_No. We're discussing your underwear not mine._**

He stared at the message, trying to figure out what Puck would type, grinning when a Puck-like response came to him. This time he was _sure_ it was going to get under her skin.

**_Why not? You have granny panties or something?_**

He highly doubted she did, her personality seemed more like she wore that underwear that looks like shorts, the kind hot movie actresses always wear in movies. Her highly offended text came back immediately.

**_I'll have you know that I have NEVER worn granny panties. I usually wear boy shorts if you must know._**

He _knew_ it. Hanging out with Puck for all those years actually paid off. Puck considered himself a connoisseur of ladies underwear and over the years had developed various insane theories about the levels of promiscuity based on what kind of underwear was favored. He prided himself on being able to identify the panty lines of the different styles through a woman's clothing, something he'd spent inordinate amounts of time trying to teach Finn and Sam to no avail. Still grinning, he typed back a cheeky response.

**_I'm afraid I can't believe that without photo evidence._**

The ball was in her court now. If she was going to phonejack him, the least she could do was show him her underwear. She didn't answer right away, which he hoped meant she was taking a picture.

**_Fine. But only because I can't have you falsely leaking to the tabloids that I wear granny panties once I'm famous._**

He almost dropped the phone when the picture came through. Rachel had sent a picture of a _tiny_ pair of white cotton panties covered in pink and red hearts bearing expressions like _Kiss me_ or _Too Sweet, _which she'd placed next to the matching bra. He examined the underwear critically, wishing that he had Puck's ability to gather information about women from the kind of panties they wore, but the only thing he could determine was that Rachel must be really tiny based on the size of the panties. He sent back a response, unable to resist getting another dig in at her.

**_Very cute, but it's late February, which means Valentine's Day is over and yet you're still wearing Valentine's underwear._**

As he stared at the picture again, he briefly wondered if she was showing those panties to another guy in person.

* * *

><p>"So you stole his phone?" Santana asked in disbelief as she sank onto the couch and watched Rachel sent off another text. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised, since you sent that girl to a crack house in high school."<p>

"It wasn't an_ active_ crack house," Rachel defended. "And she got to audition for Glee anyway, so I still don't see what the big deal is about that."

"Moving on. Not only did you steal his phone, you've been _communicating_ with him?" She stared at Rachel, who gave a small nod. "Have I not taught you anything?"

"I'm going to return his phone after I get my call, so I didn't _steal _it, as I've tried to explain to Finn multiple times," Rachel rationalized. "I already promised to pass along any calls he gets from this psycho who keeps calling."

"Girlfriend or ex-girlfriend?" Santana guessed.

"He has neither, but I'm not sure who this woman is," Rachel replied. "He's very mysterious about it. He's also got this old family friend who wants him but he doesn't like her, so I've been texting him to keep her away."

The fact that she was enjoying the texting was something she didn't feel the need to mention.

Santana sighed, holding out her hand for the phone. "I've failed you in _so_ many ways. Give me that phone."

"You can't take my phone!" Rachel cried, holding the phone to her chest protectively. "I'm waiting for Will to call!"

"Waiting for Will or waiting to see what gets texted back?" Santana asked skeptically. "Not that my moral compass points north, but you do remember you're engaged, right?"

"Of course I remember that," Rachel huffed. "I'm simply helping this guy out. Mike wouldn't mind. He'd-"

**_I'm a Bitch/I'm a Lover/I'm a child/I'm a mother..._**

"What the hell is that?" Santana cried.

"Watch." Rachel sighed as she picked up the phone. "Hello?"

_"Cornelius can't find his grey suit. Go find it."_

Not even bothering to attempt to say anything, Rachel hung up, rolling her eyes at Santana. "You see how horrible? She's always like that. I think she's the one who's been sending me gross sex messages too."

She shuddered at the thought of that first message that had come through while she'd been texting Finn through his laundry problems. The message had simply said _I dream of your hands on my body _and it made her even more curious to know what Finn looked like.

"So? It's not your problem. You stole the phone, not the stuff that goes with it. Let this guy nanny deal with it."

"He's not a nanny!" Rachel cried. "He's a personal trainer."

"Even better. Why don't you let this guy _train_ you," she suggested crassly. "Seems to me like the Asian's not doing it for you and you won't let me do it, so someone's gotta give you the good stuff."

"Santana!" Rachel admonished. "Just because Mike and I haven't made love in a while doesn't mean I need to look elsewhere."

"I'm just saying. You guys have only known each other for six months and been engaged for four. You should be permanently walking funny from the hurt he's put on your vagina."

"He's very busy going to conferences and doing surgery. You know wants to be Chief Surgeon like his father was," Rachel defended, trying not to show how much Santana's words were bothering her. She busied herself sending a message of congratulations off to Finn, who'd just successfully completed his first load of laundry.

"Look," Santana replied as she stood up. "I have to go, but promise me you'll think about what I said?"

"I promise," she replied, not looking up from her phone. "Bye."

Santana walked towards the door, pausing when she got there. Her eyes fell on Rachel, who was glued to her phone, a smile on her face at whatever was texted back to her just now. "Rachel."

"What?" She still hadn't bothered to look up, her fingers flying as she typed a response.

"Nothing."

Rachel, busy texting didn't even notice when she left, which was why she was surprised when a knock sounded on the door a few minutes later. Finn had sent her back instructions as to where the grey suit was, so she was ready the next time the call came through. Her cell phone in hand, she walked over to the door, assuming Santana had forgotten something. She opened the door as she started to speak. "I promise I will think about my sex life more, San-"

Horror flooded through here when she took in the sight of Michael Chang Sr. and his wife Julia standing impressively in the hallway, each holding a briefcase and wearing a stern expression. Her face scarlet, she stared at them, trying to figure out why they were at her apartment, something they'd _never_ done before. "Dr. and Mrs. Chang! What brings you here?"

"We need to talk."

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: So Finn's still mysterious, Sugar's still annoying and Rachel's just Rachel :D_**


	5. Asian Invasion

_**Disclaimer: Glee is not mine **_

* * *

><p><em><strong>"Super-successful parents expect nothing less from their offspring. And when it comes to college, that means the Ivies. It's more than just getting into college, it's setting a course for the rest of your life. And those who aren't legacies are no exception. When parents have sacrificed for their children, what kid would want to let them down?"<strong>_

_**- Gossip Girl**_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Oh-oh, here she comes Watch out boy she'll chew you up/Oh-oh, here she comes/She's a maneater_**

Startled, Rachel sat up in bed, trying to orientate herself to her surroundings. She clearly was in her bedroom, but at the moment she had no idea where the hell the music was coming from. She squinted at her alarm clock, frowning when she realized it was 6:13AM...on Sunday. Ordinarily, she would be up and working on her elliptical, but after the events of the other night, she'd called in sick to work and had planned to sleep away her problems.

**_Oh-oh, here she comes/ Watch out boy she'll chew you up/Oh-oh, here she comes/She's a maneater_**

She looked around as the music started again, finally realizing that the source of the loud music was her cell phone. Her head hit the pillows again as she mulled over answering it, knowing that since the phone was playing a set ringtone it was clearly someone calling for Finn. The fact that the phone was set to play _Maneater_ when this person called intrigued her, and she decided to answer it. She snuggled down into the covers as she reached for the phone and put it to her ear, her eyes closing again.

"Hello?"

_"Hello? Who is this?"_

Even half asleep, the nasally voice annoyed Rachel. "Rachel."

_"**Rachel?** Who are you?"_

"I'm Rachel," she repeated, sleep preventing her from elaborating.

_"This is Finn's phone! Why are you answering it? Where's Fifi?"_

"Sleeping," Rachel murmured, half asleep herself but still awake enough to register the nickname _Fifi._ "Fifi's sleeping."

"Sleeping? _Sleeping_?"

"Mmm-hmm. He has Snoopy boxers you know," Rachel mumbled, practically asleep.

"_H__ow do you know that? I don't believe this!"_

"He does. I saw them the other day," she murmured, the phone almost falling off her ear. "I have the pictures."

_"What?"_

"I have the pictures," she repeated, her voice heavy with sleep as she snuggled down into the blankets. "And a video."

_"Video? He sent you a video?"_

"Mmm-hmm. He was fooling around for me."

_"Fooling around? What do you mean fooling around?"_

"He put on quite a show." She snuggled deeper into the blankets, her eyes screwed shut as she held the phone away from her ear to avoid the screeching reverberating through it.

"_I don't believe you."_

"It was only from the neck down. He's big," Rachel murmured, her remembrances about Finn's body overriding her need for sleep.

_"I can't believe this! You must be lying!"_

"God, his hands are so talented," she mumbled, images of Finn on the drums floating behind her closed eyes.

"_Put Fifi and his talented hands on right now!"_

"**_No_**. Fifi's sleeping," Rachel insisted, just as stubborn when she was practically asleep.

"_Let me guess. Next you're going to tell me he's wearing his Snoopy boxers?"_

"No. I told him he's not allowed to wear them." She shifted, trying to find a cool spot on her pillow.

"_Put Finn on the phone!"_

"He's _sleeping. _Just like I should be," Rachel mumbled. "Are you done? I need sleep._ Exhausted_ from last night."

Without waiting for an answer, she hung up the phone, burrowing deeper into the covers and hoping it would block out the memories of the Chang's visit that was invading her dreams for the past two days.

_Rachel stared at the stern faced parents sitting primly across from her. Other than the one sentence Dr. Chang had uttered when she'd opened the door, the three had fallen into an uncomfortable silence. She'd never been alone with them before and honestly, with the matching disapproving expressions on their faces, she was glad she'd never spent time with just them. She and Mike had Dim Sum with his parents every Tuesday night, but this was honestly the first time she'd been left alone with them._

_She didn't like it._

_"So, um. It's so nice of you to visit me while Mike is in Los Angeles," Rachel ventured, finally addressing the giant elephant in the room. "Can I get you something to drink?"_

_"No, we won't be staying long," Dr. Chang announced coolly._

_"Oh." Rachel stared at them, unsure of what to say. "What did you need to talk about?"_

_"You've known Michael for how long?" Dr. Chang asked bluntly._

_"Six months," Rachel replied, getting a bad feeling in her stomach._

_"Michael has been our son for 30 years, six years longer than you've been on this earth I believe," Dr. Chang continued, giving Rachel a look that made her shirk from pointing out that she was actually 26, not 24 as he believed. _

_"Ok." Rachel looked from one parent to the other, trying to figure out where this was going._

_"For those 30 years, we've known what's best for Michael. He was sent to the best schools and associated with all the right people. Early on he was set on the path to a career in medicine."_

_Rachel nodded again, unsure of what to say._

_"Michael's always been a bit rebellious, as evidenced by his choice to attend Stanford rather than the Ivy League Dartmouth like generations of Changs before him," Dr. Chang continued. "It was a real slap in the face to us, since of course we've always been tremendous benefactors to Dartmouth."_

_"Oh, of course," Rachel added, assuming that's what they wanted to hear._

_"Despite that little bump in the road, he's maintained his focus on achieving his goal of becoming Chief Surgeon. He would, of course, be the fourth in the family to do so"_

_Rachel nodded. "He's been working hard for that."_

_"Has he?" Dr. Chang asked coldly, finally getting to the heart of the matter. "Because it seems to me that he's been distracted for the past six months, especially the last two."_

_Rachel frowned, the implications setting in. "I assure you that Mike remains just as focused as always."_

_"He's only attended three conferences in the last two months. Three," Dr. Chang informed her. "He even missed a conference with the world renowned Dr. George Smyth, a leader in the field of neurology."_

_"I can talk to him, if you want," Rachel offered nervously, still unsure of what exactly they wanted. It seemed to her that Mike went to conferences rather frequently. She had no idea when this Dr. Smyth had held his conference, but she was sure Mike must've had a reason for missing it. He'd missed their monthaversary dinner because he'd had emergency surgery and she was sure it was probably something simple like that._

_"That won't be necessary. We will be talking to Michael when he gets home," Julia offered, her voice taking on the steely courtroom tone that had won her so many cases. "For now, we need to address other issues."_

_"Such as?" Rachel shifted uncomfortably again, suddenly feeling like she was on the hot seat. _

_Julia looked around her tiny apartment, distaste written on her face. "Michael has lived his life accustomed to the way in which we have decided he would live. This includes living in the best neighborhoods and weekends at the museums or in the Hamptons. We're troubled to find that he's been coming here, to Astoria."_

_"There's nothing wrong with this section of Queens!" Rachel cried, not about to admit to them that she couldn't afford to live in Manhattan itself, unlike Mike, who maintained a large apartment on the Upper East Side. "It's a perfectly respectable neighborhood. The realtor described it as vibrant."_

_Julia sniffed. "That may be, but it's still not for Michael."_

_"He enjoys Astoria," Rachel commented, her tone going frosty. She refrained from pointing out that she and Mike spent most of their time in the city, which meant they were more often at his apartment. Whenever he had come to Astoria, he'd never seemed to mind it and he certainly loved the Astoria dance clubs they often went to. "We met at a club in Astoria actually, so he was coming here before me."_

_Dr. Chang waved his hand, dismissing that thought. "Another example of his rebellion. He knows we don't like him going to seedy areas. There was a time when he actually wanted to be a dancer, so naturally he would feel the need to hide his goings on in a different town, since we're so well known in Manhattan."_

_Julia nodded in agreement. "In addition, our position as pillars of Upper East Side Society have allowed us to create this lifestyle for Michael but we've also maintained strong ties to the Asian community." She paused. "A community to which you obviously don't belong."_

_Rachel gasped. "I hardly think that matters; and I know it doesn't matter to Mike."_

_Julia dismissed her comment with a wave of her hand. "It's simply another form of rebellion. Michael is well aware of the type of wife we expect him to choose."_

_Rachel stared, her mouth dropping open with each word she heard fall from Julia's lips. Her instincts had been right, they really did hate her._

**_I'm a Bitch/I'm a lover/I'm a child/I'm a mother…_**

_Horrified, Rachel looked anywhere but at Mike's parents as she silenced the phone. "I'm so sorry! That's-"_

_"Hardly an appropriate ring tone," Julia finished for her, disapproval written on her face._

_Dr. Chang looked at Rachel gravely. "We're going to level with you. We have plans for Michael. Plans that don't include a struggling actress from the mid-west. You're a very nice girl, Rachel, but you're not the girl we envisioned for Michael."_

_"I see. May I ask what this girl is like?" Rachel asked frostily._

_"She should be a college graduate-"_

_"I'm a college graduate!" Rachel exclaimed angrily. "I graduated **Summa Cum Laude **__from The Miami University of Ohio!"_

_"You have a degree in **theater** from a school more known for its athletics than academia," Dr. Chang responded, his tone implying that her degree was useless. "The girl for Michael should be well educated from an Ivy, preferably in a more traditional field like medicine or law, although we'd settle for accounting."_

_"So because I didn't go to an Ivy League school and am not Asian, you're telling me I can't marry Mike?" Rachel asked slowly._

_Dr. Chang nodded, picking up the briefcase he'd placed on the floor next to him. "Which brings us to the true purpose of our visit."_

_"Which would be what?" Rachel demanded, wondering what else they could throw at her as she watched him open the briefcase and pull something out._

_"We are prepared to offer you ten thousand dollars if you don't marry Michael." He pulled a pen out of his pocket, uncapping it before he opened the checkbook he'd taken out of his briefcase. He filled out the check and slid it across the coffee table to Rachel._

_Rachel's eyes flickered down to the check for a moment, a dumb expression on her face as she processed what had just been said. "You're bribing me?" _

_"Think of it as an investment," Julia offered. "You could use it for a down payment on an apartment in a more desirable neighborhood."_

_Rachel stared at them, words failing her for the first time in her life. She'd **never** felt so cheap and worthless. She eyed the check in disgust, hardly believing this was happening._

_"So are we in agreement then?" Dr. Chang asked, noticing Rachel eying the check. _

_"Is ten thousand dollars the going rate for getting rid of a son's choice of fiancé?" Rachel finally asked; her tone steely._

_"Is it not enough? We're prepared to go as high as twenty thousand," Dr. Chang asked anxiously._

_"I think you should leave," Rachel said in a low voice. "Now."_

_"Of course. You need time to think this over," Dr. Chang replied smoothly, standing up and grabbing his briefcase. "We'll leave the check with you and you just let us know when you accept. Do try and accept before Michael comes home."_

_Rachel followed them to the door, barely containing her anger. _

_"We'll see you soon, Rachel," Julia added, pausing at the door._

_"The only place you'll be seeing me is at the altar with Mike," Rachel managed to spit out. "On our wedding day."_

She tossed angrily onto her side, still furious that Dr. and Mrs. Chang believed she wasn't good enough for their son. Her eyes squeezed tightly shut, she tried to stop more memories from coming to no avail.

_Tears streaming down her face, Rachel closed the door behind her future in-laws. She rested her back against the door for a moment, letting the tears fall as she slumped to the floor. Cosette climbed into her lap with a meow, rubbing her face against Rachel's stomach in a comforting motion. Still crying, Rachel cuddled the cat to her chest, stroking the soft fur. "You like me, right Cosette?"_

_The cat meowed in response, snuggling her head against Rachel's shoulder. Rachel wiped her eyes with her free hand as she stood up, holding Cosette close to her chest. Slowly, she made her way over to the couch, settling onto it with a sigh. Intending to call Santana, Rachel reached for the phone. Before she could dial any numbers, the phone began blasting that song she'd really come to hate._

**_I'm a Bitch/I'm a Lover/I'm a Child/I'm a Mother…._**

_Great. This psycho was just what she needed right now. She debated not answering, but knew she'd just keep calling. Wanting to get it over with so she could call Santana and unload her problems, she reluctantly answered the phone. "Hello?"_

_"The pizza at this hotel sucks. Bring me some. And none of that Hawaiian crap you got last time. I want meat and it better be hot when it gets here."_

_As usual, the caller hung up immediately. Rachel sighed, opening up the texting function to alert Finn._

**_Go get a meat pizza._**

_She closed the text message function, ready to call Santana. The phone buzzed and she dully opened up the incoming text message._

**_What? _**

_Not in the mood to deal with this, she typed her response back._

**_She wants a meat pizza._**

_Once again, she closed the text message, prepared to dial Santana's number but was prevented from doing so by Finn's incoming message._

**_Seriously? She seriously wants me to bring a meat pizza to Connecticut?_**

_Didn't she just say that? Frustrated and upset, she typed an uncharacteristic one word response._

**_Yes._**

_She turned the phone over, knowing he'd be sending a response back momentarily._

**_Whoa, did you just type a one word response? Are you sick?_**

_Ordinarily, she'd share her impressive vitamin regime, but she just wasn't in the mood. She stroked Cosette with one hand, expertly texting with the other._

**_No._**

_His response came back immediately. Rachel did a double take at it, wondering if he was kidding._

**_Oh. Then are you having sex right now? Am I interrupting you getting it on?_**

_Still holding Cosette as she got off the couch and made her way into the bedroom, she typed a simple answer._

**_No._**

_Not in the mood to talk to Finn or even Santana anymore, she silenced the phone and placed it on the night table before flopping on the bed with Cosette, ready to wallow in her misery alone. The cat immediately curled up in a ball next to Rachel as the phone vibrated against the wooden night table, making an obnoxious buzzing that irritated her. _

_"Shut up!" she yelled, placing a pillow over her head as the phone buzzed for a second time. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!"_

_And a third. And a fourth. Desperately trying to ignore it, she held the pillow tighter to her head. The phone continued to buzz incessantly. _

_Beyond annoyed, she reached for the phone, her eyes falling on a multitude of text messages, all apparently from Finn. Unable to help herself, she scrolled through the messages._

**_So if you're not sick and not having sex, what's going on?_**

**_Are you having sex NOW? Is that why you aren't answering?_**

**_Are you dead? Text me back if you're not dead._**

**_Ok you didn't text back but I know you're not dead. Are you mad I asked about sex? I was just kidding!_**

**_Has she called again? Or Cornelius?_**

**_Seriously has she called? I forgot what hotel she's in._**

**_When she calls, ask her what hotel. I really really need to know._**

**_I see you in my dreams every night wearing nothing but a smile._**

_She'd scrolled through the messages with a smile until she got to that last one the only one **not** from Finn. Disgusted, she checked the number, not recognizing it. This was the second text she'd gotten like this and it really needed to stop. Furious, she sent off a text to Finn._

**_Please tell your meat pizza loving booty call to stop sending me sexual messages before I sue for harassment._**

_There. That should do the trick. Satisfied, she lay back on her pillow, expecting a response momentarily._

**_Huh? What the hell are you talking about?_**

_Like he didn't know. He clearly needed to accompany her to her weekly acting class. Perhaps Sandy could help Finn learn how to play dumb better._

**_I'm talking about the message that says "I dream of you wearing nothing but a smile" that I just received and another that stated something about dreaming of their hands all over your body._**

_He must've had the phone at the ready, because he answered quickly._

**_What? That must be one of your sick friends babe._**

_She startled momentarily at the word babe, not quite sure how she felt about it as she typed out her answer._

**_I don't think so. My friends are much more sophisticated than that._**

_Well Santana wasn't, but Finn didn't need to know that. A new message appeared in her inbox almost immediately._

**_So you automatically assume it's for me? I don't know who you gave MY number to._**

_Like she would ever give her number out to anyone who'd send out a cheesy text message like that. Mike didn't even send her sexts, since he was paranoid that he'd be humiliated if the phone ever got stolen. She bit her lip for a second as she typed, wondering what he'd say when he found out about her phone._

**_It's a sexual message, so yes, I assume it's for you. The number is blocked but I'm positive it's not for me. Therefore, someone is dreaming of seeing you naked wearing only a smile._**

_That girl Sugar had looked insane enough to send to send stalkerish sexts like that in her opinion. She bit her lip again as she waited for him to respond. Personally, she thought sexting looked like fun, provided the person receiving them could be trusted to never leak them to the press of course and had a strong passcode on their phone. _

_She'd once sent Mike a picture of herself with her shirt buttons opened to reveal the sexy lace bra she'd just bought and he'd sent back a very stern lecture about inappropriate texts falling into the wrong hands. Ever since then, she'd never sent him any racy pictures, but every once in a while she couldn't help but wish he **wanted** her to send racy pictures or notes. The picture of her underwear that she'd sent to Finn was even too racy for Mike and she'd been secretly pleased by Finn's reaction. Her phone beeped, signaling his answer._

**_Just because the number is blocked, it COULD be for you. _**

_Did she not just make it clear it was for him? Not about to tell him Mike's fear of sexting, she sent off her response._

**_Well it's not. I don't send sexts nor do I receive them._**

_There. Perfectly clear. That should shut him up. She rolled onto her side, pulling Cosette close to her as she waited for Finn._

**_Says the girl who sent me a picture of her Valentine's Day bra and underwear. That memory failing you again?_**

_Damn him. She'd only sent that picture because he goaded her, even if she did secretly have fun doing it. Her phone beeped again, revealing another message from Finn._

**_Which by the way was sexy…even if it was out of season._**

_Seriously? How many times did she have to explain to him that it's perfectly acceptable to wear Valentine's themed underwear the **entire** month of February, not only until 11:59PM on February 14th as he maintained? It was something that had been hotly debated between them via texts and they'd never reached a clear conclusion._

_She glanced down at her clothing, suddenly wondering what he'd think of her cotton Hello Kitty patterned bra and panties set. Mike didn't particularly care for it, since he claimed he wanted the lingerie of a woman not a high school girl. She'd rolled her eyes at that, explaining how it was more comfortable, but he still insisted on the silk and scratchy lace. She'd technically never met Finn, but she had a feeling he'd like it._

_Really like it._

Despite the early hour, she couldn't help but smile as she remembered that conversation. The ending date for wearing holiday themed underwear debate had resumed for quite a while and she'd ended up keeping Finn company as he brought the pizza to Connecticut for reasons which he still refused to divulge. They'd continued texting once Finn got in the cab bound for Connecticut, since he still wasn't sure what hotel he was driving to and Rachel had only received the answer '_the hotel with the crappy pizza'_ when she'd asked the bitch who'd called to find out the ETA on her pizza. She'd fallen asleep hours later, her phone clutched in her hand and a smile on her face, her in-law problem completely forgotten.

Of course, the sight of the check had brought it all back the next morning, which was why she'd called in sick to work, intending to spend the day in bed with Cosette and her phone. Santana had stopped by before her shift and it had taken Rachel practically jumping on her to keep her from going Lima Heights Adjacent on Dr. and Mrs. Chang once she'd heard what they'd done. She'd spit out a stream of Spanish expletives and Rachel had sincerely hoped Dr. Chang wasn't scheduled to make rounds at Lenox Hill or she'd be willing to bet she'd be bailing Santana out of jail.

She'd amused herself once Santana had left for work by reading Finn's email, trying to find out more about him, particularly repulsed by the ones from _godsgifttowomen234_, who she was willing to bet was Finn's friend Puck. Between reading his email and texting him, Friday and Saturday had passed quickly, despite the fact that that bitch kept calling for the most insane reasons, as well as Cornelius, who'd evidently forgotten his lunch money.

Cornelius.

The fact that this kid kept calling confused the hell out of her. She couldn't figure out the relationship between them, since Finn had only mentioned having a brother named Kurt. She supposed he could be Kurt's son and therefore Finn's nephew, but she doubted someone related to Finn would be that rude.

She mulled it over as she lay in bed, wondering if Santana was right. Finn refused to talk about the bitch who kept calling, but he'd divulged that info about the tuba willingly, so maybe he'd be more open if she asked about him. Her plan formulated in her mind, she squeezed her eyes shut as sleep came once more.

Her last thought before sleep took over was that she'd never spoken to Mike.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Can I ask you a question, Finn?<em>**

"Hello! Earth to Rachel!"

"Huh?" Startled, Rachel looked up from sending her text message to stare at the couch opposite her where Santana and Brittany were lounging, legs entwined. The Latina was staring at her with an arched eyebrow, while Brittany was wearing her usual happy expression.

"I said, what did Mike think of the Asian Invasion?"

"Um..." Distracted, Rachel looked down at her beeping phone, smiling at the words on the screen.

**_For the last time, I'm not in the mafia!_**

"Rachel! Put the phone down and answer me, chica!" Santana demanded, watching Rachel type out an answer.

**_No, it's not that. Are you a Manny?_**

"Um...Mike didn't say anything because I actually haven't spoken to him," Rachel admitted, biting her lip. She glanced back down at her phone, checking out Finn's answer.

**_A what?_**

"What do you mean, you haven't spoken to him? He left on Tuesday! It's Sunday!" Santana cried. "The Asian Invasion happened on Thursday, right?"

Rachel nodded, busy texting her answer to Finn. "I spoke to him after my audition, but not since."

**_A Manny. A male nanny, There's nothing wrong with it if you are. It's a perfectly respectable career._**

"And the fact that his parents basically bribed you to stay away from him wasn't something you thought he'd need to know?" Santana asked skeptically.

"Well he's really busy," Rachel hedged as her phone beeped again. "I actually tried calling him when I woke up, but I got his voicemail. He must be in conferences."

**_Seriously? You think I'm a Manny? Where the hell do you come up with this stuff?_**

"Maybe he's avoiding you," Brittany offered unhelpfully.

Rachel looked up from her typing to stare at Santana and Brittany with fearful eyes. "You think his parents got to him?"

**__What am I supposed to think when you're picking up tubas and I'm taking calls from an obnoxious kid who calls me a doofus?__**

"Oh of course not, Rachel," Santana assured her, frowning as Rachel's phone beeped _again_. "They said they were waiting to hear from you, right?"

**_I am not a Manny. I'm a personal trainer like I told you. By the way, going to Mom's for dinner and I'm gonna surprise her with my laundry skills._**

Fresh from reading Finn's latest message, Rachel looked up. "You think so?"

"I'm positive. Are you texting him now?" Santana asked, watching as Rachel's fingers flew across the keypad.

Rachel looked up again, a blush on her cheeks. "Um...yes. Yes, I'm texting him now."

Brittany seemed to buy her response, but Santana continued to stare at her, suspicion on her face. "You're texting the manny, aren't you?"

"Manny?" Brittany asked confused.

"I'm not!" Rachel huffed. "And he's not a manny, he's a personal trainer!"

"Rachel! What are you doing? You're _engaged!"_

_"_You don't need to remind me of that, Santana!" Rachel snapped. "I think Mike's parent's visit will keep that pretty fresh in my mind."

"Will it?" Santana asked. "Seems to me you've been glued to that phone! You seem to be using it to avoid the fact that Mike's parents tried to get rid of you!"

"It's nothing," Rachel insisted. "I'm just using his phone until I can get a new one."

"That's nice," Brittany commented. Next to her, Santana stayed silent as Rachel turned her attention back to her phone.

**_I'm sure she'll love her surprise, Finn. She'll be proud._**

"Do I have the word stupid tattooed on my forehead?" Santana finally demanded.

Brittany instantly leaned closer, examining her girlfriend's forehead. "No."

Rachel snorted as she checked out Finn's answer.

_**Probably. She thinks anything I do is great, but I really wanna make her proud for a legitimate reason, you know? Not just because I learned a household chore.**_

Huh. She read his message again, the thought crossing her mind that Finn's parents and Mike's parents had employed two very different child rearing techniques to raise their respective sons and she couldn't help but think that Finn's mom had gotten it right, even if she hadn't gone to any Ivy League school.

**_That's an admirable quality, Finn._**

She smiled as she sent off her text, ignoring Santana's pointed expression. "Look, I'll call him right now, if it bothers you that much, ok?"

"Do it," Santana challenged.

Rachel quickly dialed his number, frowning when she got his voicemail _again. _She quickly left him another message, telling him to call her as soon as he possibly could. "Satisfied?"

"Are you?"

"Of course I am. I'll talk to Mike when he calls. If not, he's coming home tomorrow," Rachel retorted.

Santana arched an eyebrow. "But was he the one you really wanted to talk to?"

"I..." Rachel frowned as the implications of her words set in. "Of course, he was the one I wanted to talk to! Why would I want to talk to someone I've never met?"

She ignored the voice in her head listing all the reasons why she _wanted_ to.

* * *

><p>"Mom?" Finn called as he walked into the house. "I'm back!"<p>

_"In here, Finn!"_

He followed his mother's voice to the kitchen, his nose already picking up on the awesome smells wafting out from there. He'd arrived earlier to watch the hockey game with Burt and show off his kickass laundry skills to his mom, only to have her send him out to the store for some forgotten ingredients once the game was over and the load was in successfully in the dryer.

Burt, Kurt and Rory were already seated at the kitchen table and he greeted them with a head nod as he headed over to his mother at the stove, greeting her with a kiss as he handed her the bag. "Smells great, Mom."

"You're just in time, Hugsy," Carole answered affectionately, using the childhood nickname she'd bestowed on Finn since as a child he'd loved to give hugs. She quickly took out the cranberries and walnuts from the grocery bag, adding them to the salad and handing the bowl to Finn.

Ignoring the smirks Kurt and Rory were sending his way, he took his traditional spot at the table, noticing for the first time that there were six spots set at the table as he set the salad bowl down. He eyed Kurt, wondering if Kurt had a new boyfriend he didn't know about. "Who's the sixth plate for?"

Burt, Kurt and Rory all said nothing, each shifting uncomfortably as they looked at Carole, who'd just sat down. Their silence unnerved Finn, who looked at his mother suspiciously. "Mom? Who's the sixth plate for?"

Carole opened her mouth to speak, just as a flushing toilet was heard down the hall and the clicking of heels against the wooden floor was heard getting progressively louder.

Oh no.

"_No_. No. No. _No_," Finn cried, jumping out of his chair. "_Mom_!"

"_Finn!_" Carole hissed. "Sit down."

Her tone left no room for argument and he sullenly sat down, a pout on his face as he realized that his evening just got that much worse.

The owner of the heels appeared in the doorway a moment later, her face lighting up when she saw Finn. "Fifi! You're here!"

"Of course I am. It's _my _family," he replied pointedly. "Why are you here?"

"I brought over some of Cook's famous cherry cheesecake and your mom invited me to stay for dinner. I know how much you like cheesecake, Fifi, and Mother always says you should make your man's favorite foods," Sugar replied, settling in the seat across from Finn.

"For the last time, I'm _not_ your man!" Finn replied tersely, pulling the salad out of the salad bowl with more force than was necessary. "And you didn't even make it! Your cook did!"

"_Finn_!"

His mother's admonishment was accompanied by a warning look and a swift kick under the table, while Kurt, Rory and Burt all snickered. He glared at them, failing to see the humor in this. Angrily, he jabbed at his salad, wishing Sugar would focus her attention elsewhere. Knowing his mom was expecting him to apologize; he chewed for a moment, trying to stall. "Sorry Sugar. Nice hat."

Sugar beamed, adjusting the large bow dwarfing her head. "It's actually a headband, Fifi. I _knew _you'd love it. It's an _Alejandro._"

Finn, who could only assume that Alejandro was a major designer based on Kurt's gasp, speared the last of his salad as he eyed the headband. "You look like Minnie Mouse."

"Don't listen to him, Sugar. It's lovely," Carole assured her, disapproval written on her face as she watched Finn help himself to the chicken in the middle of the table.

"It really is. Not many people can pull off this head band, but naturally I have the perfect skull structure for it. Alejandro himself told me that," Sugar replied proudly.

Finn rolled his eyes at her vanity. For as long as he'd known Sugar, which was forever, she'd always been incredibly vain. "So you mean to tell me that a person with a weird head can't wear a headband?"

"Of course not Fifi," Sugar replied airily. "But it doesn't matter. They don't exist in my world."

Unable to resist rolling his eyes at her _again_, he discreetly pulled out his cell phone, checking to see if Rachel had texted him. She hadn't, so he placed the phone next to his plate, wondering what Rachel was doing. He continued eating in silence, not really listening as Sugar animatedly described her _exhausting _day of shopping with her friend Margo to his mom and a jealous Kurt. He shoved the food into his mouth as fast as he could, hoping to get away from the table without having to talk to Sugar, but evidently Sugar had other ideas.

"So Finn, I had the most _delightful_ conversation this morning," Sugar announced suddenly, placing her fork on her plate as she waited for Finn to react.

Finn ignored her as he shoved some chicken in his mouth, hoping she'd get the hint.

Carole frowned at the rudeness of her son. "I'm sure Finn's anxious to know who you spoke to Sugar. If he took smaller bites, he'd be able to tell you that himself."

"Oh. Well, like I was saying Fifi, I had the most _delightful_ conversation this morning," Sugar repeated. "With _Rachel._"

Finn immediately began coughing violently, the extra piece of chicken he'd just shoved into his mouth flying out and landing near Sugar's plate.

"_Finn_! Gross!" Sugar screeched. She grabbed Rory's fork out of his hand and used it to flick the chicken back towards Finn, only succeeding in making it land in the bowl of string beans.

Burt reached over to hit Finn on the back, his face worried. "You ok, big guy?"

"Fine. I'm fine," Finn managed to stammer out as he reached for his water glass and gulped it down, ignoring the stares coming from around the table. No longer choking, he grabbed his cell phone, quickly typing a text.

**_What did you do?_**

"Baby, are you ok?" Carole asked in concern.

"Just went down the wrong pipe." His message sent, he continued gulping the water, hoping to avoid the shit storm was coming his way.

No such luck.

"You really need to be more careful, Finn," Sugar chided. "I don't think _Rachel_ would like you eating like a caveman in front of her."

Carole's ears pricked up at this. "Rachel? Who's Rachel?"

"No one," Finn replied immediately. His phone beeped with an incoming message from Rachel and he opened it, avoiding his mother's face.

**_What are you talking about? I passed along all your messages you claim aren't mafia related. I'm researching how to tell if a phone is tapped by the way._**

"Carole, you don't know about Rachel?" Sugar asked innocently. "Fifi, how could you not tell her? I'm sure Carole would _love_ to know all about the girl who answered _your_ phone at approximately 6:13AM this morning."

All eyes turned to Finn, who fixed his own on Sugar in a death glare for a moment before typing back his response.

**_That's not what I'm talking about and you know it._**

"So who's Rachel?" Carole asked again, her voice unable to hide the excitement in it.

"That why you had to leave last night? Why didn't you just tell us you had a date?" Rory questioned.

"You had a date? What did you wear?" Kurt demanded. "_Please_ tell me you didn't wear jeans."

"I…" Finn began desperately, unable to avoid the barrage of questions. He glanced down at his beeping phone, trying to think of a way out of this. Rachel was _so _dead.

**_What I know is that I DON'T know what we're texting about but I DO know that you should be having Sunday dinner with your family right now. Was your mom shocked when you told her you did the laundry?_**

"Where did you meet Rachel?" Carole queried; no longer bothering to hide the excitement as she watched a grin appear on his face at whatever appeared on his phone. His fingers began moving rapidly, typing something.

**_Yeah, she was amazed I did it, especially since I even used fabric softener. I demonstrated it to her with a load of Burt's clothes._**

True, he had a feeling that she gave him _only _Burt's clothes just in case he screwed up, but he'd totally done a kick ass job, thanks to Rachel's tutelage. The fabric softener had been a slight battle between them, but in the end he'd given up and listened to Rachel, who'd just sent her text back.

**_See? And you didn't want to use the Snuggle for fear of what your friends would say if they saw you using a bottle with a bear on it._**

"I don't know where he met her, Carole, but I can tell you that Finn was texting her the _entire _time he was supposed to be training me and I don't think that's what Daddy paid for." Sugar crossed her arms in annoyance as she too watched Finn read something on his phone and respond. "_Highly_ unprofessional. Daddy's considering suing."

**_Don't try and distract me. I'm mad at you._**

"No! I…I mean she…" Finn tried to explain as he put his phone down, wanting desperately to ignore the excitement written on his mother's face. Fortunately, his phone beeped with Rachel's rapid response.

**_And that would be why, exactly? _**

Hmmpf. Like she didn't know. He had to give her acting skills props since she was really good at playing dumb. He picked his phone up again, intending to get her to stop playing around and admit it.

**_Explain to me why I'm eating dinner and listening to Sugar tell my mom all about the delightful conversation she had with you._**

Her response was instantaneous, making him wonder if she had her denial already typed out and ready.

**_I did no such thing._**

Really? She was _still _denying it? Fingers flying, he sent back his retort, which was sure to infuriate her.

**_Apparently you did at 6:13 this morning. That eyeametic memory not working out so well?_**

"I'm really surprised you didn't know, Carole," Sugar continued, a frown on her face as she watched him text. "From what Rachel says, it's _quite_ serious, what with the amount of pictures and video Finn sends her."

"_Really_?" An elated Carole turned her attention back to Finn, who was rubbing the back of his neck. "Baby, why didn't you tell me? How long has this been going on?"

"What? No! She…" He paused, distracted as his phone beeped. A small grin formed on his face as he thought about what Rachel's reaction was going to be. She'd probably be all huffy as she tried to think of a way to one up him. He let his eyes wander down to the screen.

**_It's EIDETIC and it works quite well during normal waking hours and not when I'm half asleep…Fifi._**

Damn her.

And damn Sugar for giving him that stupid ass nickname when they were four years old while he was at it. Not to mention the fact that this ambush he found himself in was all her fault. He just _knew_ she was doing it on purpose. Glaring at Sugar one more time, he sent back his scathing response.

**_Well it's failed to help you remember that since you answered MY phone at 6:13 this morning, Sugar now believes we're hot and heavy which she's just informed my mom of, so thanks for letting me know I'd be ambushed at dinner._**

"It's been about a month Aunt Carole, hasn't it Finn?" Rory added, trying to help Finn and failing miserably.

Finn glared at his cousin. True, Rory didn't actually know he'd just made it that much worse, but still. His phone beeped as he frantically racked his brain trying to figure out a reasonable way out of this, finally deciding to downplay the situation. "It's nothing."

**_I hope you told them I'm going to be a Broadway Star. Do you need my credentials?_**

Rachel and her one track mind were too much. He's just told her that his family thinks they're basically in a sexual relationship and all she can say is _that?_

"Finn! How can you say that? From what Sugar and Rory say, this is definitely not nothing!" Carole exclaimed. "I can't wait to meet her."

"I know _just _how you feel, Carole," Sugar responded sagely, staring at Finn. "I certainly can't wait either. She sounds too good to be _true._"

**_Seriously? That's what you're worried about?_**

His text sent; Finn glanced helplessly at Burt, knowing that Burt would most likely be on his side since they shared the same opinion of Sugar. To Finn's extreme disappointment, the older man simply adjusted his baseball cap and shrugged as if to say _leave me out of it_. Annoyed, Finn fixed his attention on the other end of the table, where Kurt was calmly eating his salad.

Like him, Kurt was single and just like Finn, did _not_ enjoy being put on the hot seat by Carole to be grilled about his dating life. Finn eyed Kurt, hoping he remembered all the times he'd distracted his mom from pursuing her interrogation so that Kurt could keep his love life private. Kurt totally owed him and he wanted repayment _now. _His eyes bore into Kurt, silently begging him say _something_ that would help Finn out.

Kurt seemed to understand, because he placed his fork down on the plate and daintily wiped his mouth with a napkin before he spoke, allowing Finn to hope that he saw a light at the end of the tunnel. He really didn't care _what _Kurt said, as long as it got his mother off the topic of meeting Rachel. Satisfied that Kurt was going to help him, he allowed himself to see what Rachel had just sent back.

**_I'd hate to think that they thought I worked dinner theater or something like that. _**

Honestly. Even if she did dinner theater at a strip club she'd _still _be better than Sugar.

**_They think we were having sex this morning. I guess since you seem to be ok with that, you told Sugar how kinky you are?_**

He smirked as he sent the message, hardly able to wait to see what Rachel said to that. His message sent, he stared at Kurt, waiting for him to say _anything._

"So Finn, what does Rachel do?"

Except that.

His jaw clenched in annoyance as he stared at Kurt, now mentally cursing him out. Just _wait_ till he got wind of a potential new boyfriend for Kurt. He'd have his mom on the phone faster than Kurt could spot a knockoff pocketbook. Beyond annoyed, he glanced down at his once beeping phone.

**_Is that so bad? Sugar would leave you alone then, wouldn't she?_**

"Yes, Finny, what does she do?" Carole urged. "We know nothing about her other than her name."

"Carole, don't pester him," Burt admonished, doing a complete reversal of his previous stance. Finn shot him a grateful look, relieved that _someone_ was willing to help him out. "I'm sure Finn will tell you about her before he brings her around."

"Thanks, Burt…" Finn trailed off as Burt's words sunk in. "Wait. What?"

"I'm afraid Burt's right, Fifi," Sugar announced. "We're all just so _interested._ So come on, tell us all about what she does, Fifi."

Sugar's nasally voice, along with the continued use of the hated nickname, goaded Finn and almost before he knew it, he heard himself retorting. "She's an actress."

Kurt and Carole ooohed, impressed while Sugar narrowed her eyes, her voice full of scorn. "An _actress_?"

Finn buttered a piece of bread before he answered her. "Yes, an actress. A _very_ talented actress."

"Have we seen her in anything? What's her full name?" Carole asked, her dinner forgotten in front of her.

"Rachel. Rachel Berry." He bit his lip, unable to stop the avalanche he'd started.

"Never heard of her." Sugar's dismissal was accompanied by a wave of her hand. "If she's so talented, how come I've never seen her on _Gossip Girl_?"

Finn rolled his eyes. "Despite what you think, _Gossip Girl _is not the best show on TV."

"Well I'm just saying, how talented could she be?" Sugar defended. "Has she ever even been on a reality show?"

"She's _very _talented," Finn retorted. True, he'd never seen Rachel perform but she was being considered for a lead in a Broadway show so he figured she had to be. Plus, he wasn't about to let Sugar put Rachel down. "Not everyone's goal in life is to be a _Real Housewife_ like you. Rachel's a _Broadway_ actress. As a matter of fact, she's currently in consideration for the lead in _Mary Poppins."_

Kurt gasped, dropping his fork on his plate with a clatter. "You're dating a _Broadway_ actress? _You_? How could you not tell me?"

Shit. He'd forgotten that Kurt would hit the ceiling at the first mention of Broadway.

"It's nothing, Kurt," Finn replied desperately, dying to change the subject. He turned to Burt, who'd been quietly eating his dinner. "So Burt, you watch the Knicks game last night?"

"Don't try and change the subject, Finn," Kurt breathed, practically bouncing up and down in his chair at the news. "When do we get to meet her?"

"Yes, Finn, when?" Sugar tacked on, her voice sickeningly sweet.

"Well, she's really busy," Finn hedged, not about to tell them that _he'd_ never even met Rachel. He quickly shoved some mashed potatoes into his mouth, trying to buy himself more time.

"Nonsense, Fifi," Sugar said airily. "If she's not on _Gossip Girl _or a reality show, then that clearly means she has time to meet the family. I think I speak for the rest of the family when I say we can't wait."

"And you became part of this family, when?" Finn asked pointedly. "Last time I checked, it was me, Mom, Burt and Kurt."

"Hey!" Rory cried. "What am I?"

"Sorry, dude. Me, Mom, Burt, Kurt and Rory," Finn amended.

"_Finn_!" Carole chided. "You know Sugar's practically family."

"Thank you Carole. So now that that's settled, when do we meet her?" Sugar repeated, her voice still maintaining that sickeningly sweet quality that was really getting on Finn's nerves. "I'll need to clear my schedule of course."

"Naturally, since your schedule is so jammed packed what with all the shopping and annoying the hell out of people that you have to do," Finn countered, ignoring the look his mother was giving him. "It doesn't matter anyway, Rachel's really busy."

"So you're just going to keep her to yourself?" Sugar pouted. "That hardly seems fair to Carole, Fifi."

"Yeah, Finn. While your conversations about hockey touchdowns with Dad are simply _riveting_ dinner table conversation, Carole and I would appreciate more stimulating conversation in the form of the greatest spectacle known to man: Broadway," Kurt announced, adding a dramatic flourish to his words.

"Don't you get enough of that with Aunt Bernadette?" Finn asked dryly.

"Don't be ridiculous, Finn. Aunt Bernadette was a _Rockette_, not a Broadway star," Kurt snapped. "I don't know how many times this needs to be explained. It's like comparing apples and oranges."

"Whatever." Finn shrugged, still not seeing the difference despite having had this conversation many times. Kurt had been beyond thrilled when he'd found out that Carole's Aunt Bernadette had been a Radio City Rockette back in the 50's, inundating her with questions from the first time he'd met her and he'd almost fainted when Aunt Bernadette had shown him an actual costume that she'd kept as a memento.

Maybe because Finn had known this about Aunt Bernadette all his life it didn't seem that big a deal to him, but Kurt consistently treated Aunt Bernadette like a celebrity and he was sure he'd fawn over Rachel the same way. He smirked at the thought, knowing that Rachel would love the attention and would be thrilled to discuss all things Broadway with Kurt. She'd probably even consider him her first stalker and be excited to try out one of her escape plans.

"No, _not_ whatever. There's a _huge_ difference. _Huge_," Kurt insisted. "Clearly you need to have a talk with Aunt Bernadette again. Maybe between her and Rachel, they can finally make you see the difference."

"Aunt Bernadette would never shut up," Burt decided, taking a sip of his soda. "That woman could talk the hind legs off a donkey."

"Well Rachel could give her a run for her money," Finn replied, snorting at the thought. "She practically quotes the dictionary because she says a well rounded vocabulary is essential."

"She _has _to meet Aunt Bernadette," Kurt announced, clapping his hands together excitedly. "She just _has _to."

"So it's settled then, Fifi." Sugar crossed her arms, a smug look on her face as she stared at Finn. "I can't wait to meet her in _person._"

"The only thing that's settled is that you seriously need to _stop_ calling me Fifi," Finn snapped. He focused on his phone again, typing out his message.

**_Sugar's not backing down. She's very interested in you, since she doesn't think you're real._**

"We can all meet at Grand Central and take the train together," Kurt plowed on, getting more and more excited.

"Oh! That would be perfect!" Carole exclaimed. "Burt and I will be driving up there early, but we can meet her when you get there. You'll need to be picked up at the train station anyway."

"I'd say you could come in the limo but Daddy wants Antonio to drive the Bentley that day," Sugar added, irritated at the thought of having to suffer in the Bentley. "Why I don't know. Daddy _knows_ I need room."

Finn ignored Sugar as Rachel's next message came through.

**_Well I can't blame her for that. My personality is full of excitement and joie de vivre._**

He snorted at that, idly thinking she forgot a few words. He typed back his response, tongue in cheek.

**_Joie de vivre? That foreign for talks a lot?_**

Placing the phone on the table, he looked up to see his mom staring at him with a knowing smile. "What?"

"Is that Rachel?" Carole asked. "I hope she doesn't think she wasn't invited tonight. We would have _loved_ to have had her here."

"Like I said, she's really busy," Finn replied, grabbing his phone as it beeped, fully expecting a lecture via text.

**_Joie de vivre is French for full of life, Fifi. I can't help it if I'm an enthusiastic conversationalist._**

"You'd better tell Rachel that there's no room in the Bentley and she'll have to take public transportation," Sugar bossed. "I hope she has disinfectant."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Finn demanded not bothering to look up from his phone.

**_Enthusiastic or annoying?_**

"The car ride to Aunt Bernadette's," Sugar replied, her voice sounding surprised. "Mother, Daddy and I are taking the Bentley up to Sleepy Hollow and there'd be no room for your giant body, Fifi. I simply _can't_ be squished for the entire ride."

"Oh." He looked down at this phone, waiting for Rachel to answer. In his opinion, one of the few perks of being forced to be friends with Sugar was the fact that her family had some seriously sweet cars, along with a driver. Once, Puck had even convinced Antonio to let the boys take the Rolls out for a joy ride once they'd ditched Sugar in some store.

Rachel's response came back momentarily.

**_I'll have you know that many people find my conversations delightful, your girlfriend included._**

"So it's all set then. I'll meet Finn and Rachel at Grand Central. The three of us will take the train up to Sleepy Hollow for Aunt Bernadette's party and you two can pick us up at the station there. It's just too perfect," Kurt exclaimed, clapping his hands at the thought of a whole train ride filled with Broadway talk. "Are you texting her now?"

"Huh?" He looked up, his mind trying to decide what to send back in response to that crack about Sugar being his girlfriend.

"Finn! Weren't you listening?" Carole chided. "You and Rachel are going to take the train with Kurt to Aunt Bernadette's so we can all meet her."

"I for one can't wait, Fifi," Sugar added smugly.

Horrified, he looked back down at his phone, informing Rachel of this development.

**_So thanks to Sugar, my mom and Kurt have made plans for you to come to Aunt Bernadette's birthday party. Care to be my pretend girlfriend in person?_**

"Does that sound like a plan, Finn?" Carole asked; just as excited as Kurt.

"Yeah, sounds great," he replied, assuming Rachel would agree since she totally owed him.

"I can't wait!" Carole exclaimed, watching as Finn's phone beeped, signaling Rachel's response.

His eyes widened as he looked at the picture text Rachel had just sent him of her left hand. A left hand that was clearly sporting a very large engagement ring.

Shit.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: A word about updates: I plan NOTHING for a story nor do I outline. I just write based off a vague image in my head, which is why I sometimes get to the end of a chapter and go "Huh. Didn't see that coming" and end up as surprised as you guys. This is the reason that I CANNOT update more than once a week because sometimes I have no idea what's going to happen in the chapter. I need to think or wait for image to pop into my head. Well that and the fact that my chapters are generally at least 7,000 words. :)_**

**_And yes, Kurt is single in this one. I am Blaine-d out since Glee has become the Blaine show._**


	6. The Rules of the Game

**_Disclaimer: Glee is not mine._**

* * *

><p><strong><em>"Life is not like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What's good today may burn your ass tomorrow."<em>**

**_-Unknown_**

* * *

><p>"So Fifi, did Carole tell you that Daddy bought me a new Mercedes?" Sugar asked sweetly as she stood in front of Finn, effectively blocking his view of the hockey game he and Burt were watching. "Have you ever made out in one?"<p>

"What do you need another Mercedes for? You don't even have a license," Finn commented bluntly, craning his neck around Sugar to see the game. "You just sit in it hoping people see you."

"That car was _blue_, Finn," Sugar chided. "Blue cars are _so_ last year. _Everyone_ knows that this year it's all about the black car."

He rolled his eyes, not in the mood to deal with Sugar. Rachel's earlier picture of her engagement ring had put him in a funk and Sugar's nasal tones were only making his funk worse. His phone had been steadily beeping with texts and he'd ignored them, shoveling the remains of his dinner into his mouth and wandering into the den to watch the Rangers-Islanders game with Burt and Rory, completely phoneless. To his relief, Sugar had stayed in the kitchen with Kurt and his mom, chatting happily about some reality show. "Can you move? I can't see the action."

"I'm simply trying to give you back your phone, Fifi," Sugar responded, waving his iPhone at him as she sat on the couch, practically in his lap. Her own bedazzled iPhone was firmly grasped in her other hand.

Finn immediately shifted over, squishing himself against the armrest. Undaunted, Sugar shifted over also, their legs touching on the otherwise empty couch. "You know there's an empty chair right over there, Sugar."

"I'm good right here." She glanced at the phone still clenched in her hand. "You know, your phone's been going off nonstop."

"Has it?" he asked. Knowing full well why his phone was going off nonstop, he kept his eyes fixed pointedly on the screen.

"Yes. That beeping sound is really grating on my ears, Fifi," Sugar chided. "I simply can't have obnoxious noises around me so I've changed your text message alert to play _Bootylicious_ when you get a text."

"_What_?" Finn cried, his attention now fully on Sugar. "Are you insane? I'm a dude! I can't have _Bootylicious_ on my phone! I'll get my ass kicked!"

"Nonsense, Finn. Do you _know_ how many MTV Music Awards Beyoncé has won?" Sugar demanded. "_Eleven._ And that's not including the European ones."

"Oh, well that makes all the difference. I didn't know that," Finn retorted, sarcasm lacing every word. He glared at Burt, whose shoulders were shaking with laughter over in the recliner.

"I knew you'd understand, Fifi," Sugar replied excitedly, completely missing the sarcasm. "See? Now we'll match."

She pressed her own phone, allowing the sounds of Beyoncé to fill the room. "_I don't think you're ready for this jelly/I don't think you're ready for this/Cause my body's too bootylicious for ya babe,"_ Sugar sang along with the phone, sounding like a drowned cat.

Finn winced at the singing, deciding to focus his energy on ignoring her by turning his attention back to the game. Sugar's semi good intentions had increased his funk and he silently sulked as he attempted to follow the game.

Unfortunately for him, Sugar seemed just as determined to get his attention as he was to divert it. Squeezing even closer to him, she shook the phone in his face as _Bootylicious_ began playing again. "See? Another text. Rachel seems a little desperate if you ask me."

"Excuse me?" Finn asked sharply. Annoyed that she'd distracted him so easily, he turned his attention back to the TV.

"Mother says you shouldn't text your man too much if you want to keep him interested." Sugar explained.

"Is that right?" Burt questioned, unable to resist.

"Absolutely," Sugar replied firmly. "That's why I never text Finn more than five times a day."

Finn glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, resisting the urge to say that that was five times too much in his opinion.

"Rachel has been texting five times a _minute_," Sugar stressed. "Carole's getting annoyed. She could hardly hear my recap of last week's episode of _The Bachelor."_

Finn didn't answer, choosing to focus on the TV and ignore both Sugar and the snickering coming from Burt.

"I mean really, look at this. _Where did you go?_" Sugar read from the iPhone. "Stalkerish!" she sang out, ducking as Finn made a grab for the phone.

"You can't read my messages!" he cried, making a swipe for the phone again. "And it's _not_ stalkerish."

"Well of course I can't read them, I can't unlock your phone, Fifi," Sugar replied calmly. "I can only read them as they pop up on the screen but some of them are longer and then I can't read the whole thing. I need your password."

"You're not getting my password," Finn retorted.

"I already tried 3434 and 3466," Sugar mused. "I thought one of those would work."

"Why those?" Rory asked, finally jumping into the conversation.

"3466 is Finn and 3434 is Fifi. Duh." Sugar stared at Rory, her tone implying that she shouldn't have had to state something so obvious.

"Of course they didn't work. I'm not stupid enough to make my name my passcode," Finn snapped.

"Is it 3476? Our initials?" Sugar asked, typing it in and frowning when it didn't work. "Fifi? The passcode?"

"I'm _not _telling you my passcode," he retorted as a sudden thought hit him. He narrowed his eyes at Sugar. "How'd you even change my ringtone then?"

"Kurt unlocked your phone to see if there was a picture of Rachel for him and Carole to see but Carole stopped him before he could look." She shrugged. "I took the phone when he put it down before it could lock again. He was too busy arguing with Carole to notice."

"_Whoa_! Did you look at my stuff, you little Peeping Tom?" Finn demanded; his attention now fully focused on Sugar. If she saw that picture of Rachel's engagement ring, he was _so_ screwed.

"No. Carole took the phone before I could look," Sugar replied, not bothering to hide the bitterness in her voice.

"Oh." Relieved that at least his mom respected his privacy (most of the time), he held out his hand. "Give me my phone."

"How come Kurt knows your passcode and I don't?" Sugar demanded, holding both phones protectively to her chest.

"Because he's my brother and you're annoying," Finn explained, relieved that she hadn't seen the pictures. "Now give me the phone!"

"_No," _Sugar insisted. "Not until I see the texts. How do I know that it isn't Puck who was texting you during dinner?"

"It wasn't," Burt cut in before Finn could retort. "You think he'd be grinning like a fool if it was Puckerman texting him?"

Startled, Finn tore his eyes away from the TV to stare at Burt. He _wasn't_ grinning like a fool. He was just enjoying Rachel's texts.

"Margo thinks Rachel's fake," Sugar announced. "We were just discussing it on Twitter."

"Well she's not," Finn snapped, his eyes moving from Burt to Sugar. "You'll see."

How she'd see he had no idea, since he'd immediately rescinded his fake girlfriend proposal once he'd seen the ring. Kurt and his mom had happily continued planning for when they met Rachel at Aunt Bernadette's while he'd sat there typing apologies to Rachel and trying to figure out a way out of this mess. In the end, he'd decided to let them think Rachel was coming, figuring that she could 'cancel' on him at the last minute. At the moment though, he was more concerned with the fact that yet _another_ woman had taken his phone hostage.

"I'm gonna try 5878. That's K-u-r-t in numbers," Sugar decided, tapping the phone. She frowned when _wrong passcode_ flashed on the screen. "Damn."

"Try 2662," Rory suggested.

"2662? What does that spell?" Sugar asked, peering at the screen. Finn's eyes flickered over to Rory, trying to figure out what he was spelling.

"It spells _boob,_" Rory explained. "Finn's a big fan."

Sugar's eyes glanced down at her own breasts, frowning slightly. "That's just crass, Lucky Charms. Fifi is much more cultured than that."

"Yeah, Rory. All those _Playboy_ magazines I used to find hidden in the garage he kept solely for the articles," Burt added, snorting at the thought.

Finn glared at them again, taking advantage of the fact that Sugar was momentarily distracted by her own phone to make a grab for his phone again. She saw him at the last minute, ducking out of the way.

"I simply can't wait to meet this Real Rachel," Sugar commented sweetly, firmly holding onto his phone. "I'm so excited to see the girl who has our Fifi glued to his phone."

Finn glowered at her, his case not being helped by the fact that _Bootylicious _was blaring out of his phone. "Give me that!"

He turned as he yanked the phone out of Sugar's hand, hoping Sugar didn't see him typing in the numbers 7224. His passcode successfully entered, he turned further away from Sugar, ready to read all of Rachel's texts messages that he'd missed.

_**It's ok. How could you know?**_

_**Besides, you never told me if you had a girlfriend.**_

_**Do you?**_

_**I'm going to assume by your silence that you do.**_

_**Are you mad?**_

_**You are. I can tell.**_

_**You shouldn't waste time being mad. You'll get worry lines.**_

_**When I'm mad I simply do more circuits on my elliptical. I get fit and forget what I'm mad at. **_

_**But since you're a personal trainer, you probably already knew that exercise releases endorphins and make you happy.**_

_**I've been doing lots of extra circuits myself.**_

_**Are you exercising?**_

_**Oh wait. You're at your mom's. Does she have an elliptical you can use? I suppose a treadmill would work just as well though if she doesn't have an elliptical.**_

_**So seriously, are you mad?**_

_**Still silent? You really are mad!**_

_**How can you be mad? It's not like I lied. **_

_**Where did you go?**_

_**You still haven't answered, so you MUST have a girlfriend and just don't want to admit I'm right.**_

_**That's very hypocritical, Finn, as well as immature. You're mad at me for being engaged when you have a girlfriend?**_

He snorted at the increasing frustration her texts were showing as he debated how to answer. He could continue to ignore her, which would annoy both her and Sugar or he could answer her and annoy only Sugar. Sugar inadvertently made his decision when she placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to peer at his phone.

"What's so funny, Fifi?" Sugar demanded. "I highly doubt Rachel's texts are that hilarious."

"That's for me to know and you not to find out," Finn retorted as he moved the phone away from her view and typed his response.

_**I'm not mad and I don't have a girlfriend.**_

"Finn! I need that phone back! I want to change your ringtone to _Pour Some Sugar on Me_," Sugar bossed.

"You do realize that song's about sex right?" Finn asked, assuming she picked it based solely on the fact that it had her name in it.

"Don't be stupid, Fifi. A song that has my name in it is not about sex," she replied, attempting to grab the phone from him.

"Ok but it is." He ducked her, twisting his body to see Rachel's incoming answer.

_**So then why weren't you answering?**_

"Finn's right, Sugar. That song's about sex," Rory piped up.

"How would you know? Do they even have music in Ireland?"

Ignoring Sugar and Rory's words, he focused on his texting, rubbing his neck as he tried to figure out a way to explain to Rachel how shocked he'd been by her picture. Shocked and if he was honest, a little disappointed.

_**I was just surprised. Plus, I was eating.**_

There. Short and simple. No need to explain that the picture had left him with a dull ache. He'd been having fun with Rachel and it turns out that she's someone's fiancée.

_**Liar. I happen to know that you frequently text and eat. You told me so the other day when you were eating pizza with Rory.**_

Damn her and her eidetic memory. He frowned, trying to think of a clever comeback.

_**For someone who's so big on rudeness, you'd think you'd know that it's rude to text and eat at a family dinner.**_

He smirked, waiting to see what her reply would be.

_**Really? The person who was texting while eating pizza with his cousin is giving me lessons on being rude?**_

A grin appeared on his face. The fact that she was engaged clearly wasn't affecting the teasing banter they always had going.

"Fifi! Rory says I don't know good music. Tell him that's not true," Sugar demanded.

Finn looked up from his phone. "But you don't. You own more than one boy band album and you admit to going to the concerts. You're probably the only person who bought that American Idol winner's full album."

Ignoring Sugar's huff, he went back to typing to Rachel.

_**That's different…it was only Rory.**_

Fully expecting a lecture to arrive via text, he half listened as Sugar and Rory continued their debate.

"Look, all I'm saying is that Finn's right, the lyrics are about sex!"

"How would you know? You don't speak American!"

"Def Leppard is a British band," Finn interrupted. He glanced down at his phone as Rachel's answer came. As expected, it contained a lecture.

_**I fail to see the difference. Isn't he family? That's really quite rude not to consider your cousin family.**_

"What do you have to say now, Sugar?" Rory crowed triumphantly. "Last time I checked Ireland's a lot closer to Britain than America."

"Finn! Are you going to let Rory speak to me that way?" Sugar bossed, breaking his train of thought as he texted his answer back to Rachel.

_**Relax. I just meant there were no parents around. Family dinner my mom is sitting across from me.**_

"He's right. Ireland's like next door." He shrugged as he relaxed against the couch, waiting for Rachel's answer.

_**Oh. Well in that case I understand. I think it's sweet that you have dinner with your mom every Sunday. My fathers live in Ohio still so I don't get to see them that much. I call them as much as I can though.**_

Huh. No wonder why she was so attached to her phone. Trying to make her feel better, he typed a question about her fiancé.

_**Well does your fiancé have parents around?**_

He figured that was a safe question. Quinn loved to talk about her fiancé now husband Joe, so it was bound to make Rachel feel better.

"Fifi! Are you still texting?" Sugar screeched in his ear.

Finn sighed. "Why are you still here?"

"If you weren't so busy texting, you'd have heard me say that Antonio had to go pick up Daddy from Manhattan, so I'm waiting for him to come back with Daddy."

"Oh. Don't you have to go discuss the latest episode of _Real Housewives_ with Kurt?"

"We already did, Fifi, so I'm able to stay with you." She beamed, attempting to snuggle closer to Finn, who promptly stood up.

"I gotta take a leak," he announced, hurrying off to the bathroom before Sugar could follow him. He locked himself in the bathroom, settling down on the side of the bathtub just as Rachel's answer came.

_**Yes.**_

The simplicity of the answer surprised him and he knew immediately that there was more to it.

_**One word? What's wrong?**_

He drummed his fingers on the bathtub as he waited for her answer. The answer that came back once again surprised him, this time at its obvious change of subject.

_**So what are you going to do about Aunt Bernadette's party?**_

Hmm. Whatever was bothering her was something she wasn't willing to share yet, so he'd go along with whatever she wanted.

_**They think you're coming. So I'll just wait till its closer to the party to say that you had to work or something and you can't come. Kurt will probably cry at the thought of missing a real Broadway star, so bonus.**_

He dreaded that moment, having to tell Kurt that Rachel wasn't coming. Kurt had spent the rest of dinner categorizing his favorite Broadway shows in preparation for discussion with Rachel and he knew it would crush Kurt when he found out.

_**I would help you if I could but my fiancé and I are doing wedding stuff next weekend.**_

Maybe he should hire an escort? That could totally work especially if her name really was Rachel. Excited by his new idea, he quickly sent off a response.

_**It's cool. I don't know how I'll avoid Sugar during the party but I'll find a way. Think I can hire an escort? It can't be too hard to find one named Rachel right?**_

He hoped it wasn't anyway. The strip clubs he'd gone to with Puck and Sam had all had girls with names like Cinnamon or Candi, although escorts were more high class, so maybe they'd have normal names.

_**While I don't doubt that there are escorts named Rachel, there's the problem of her voice. I have a stellar voice and I'd hate to think that I was being impersonated by a person who's not my vocal equal.**_

Crap. He forgot about the Broadway aspect. Kurt would surely be planning on grilling Rachel about everything Broadway and there was a strong possibility that he'd want to hear a song or two. Figuring that the odds of finding an escort named Rachel who was also a singer were pretty slim, he abandoned that idea just as another text came in.

_**I'm sure you'll figure it out, Finn. I have faith in you.**_

Good thing she did because he sure as hell didn't.

* * *

><p>Rachel trudged slowly up the stairs to her apartment, exhausted after a long day of working the desk at the spa. They'd had a particularly rough schedule today and as receptionist she'd had to deal with quite a few difficult clients who were furious that they were running behind schedule. Each phone call she took and angry client she dealt with just solidified the fact that she couldn't <em>wait<em> to quit, something she couldn't do until Will_ finally_ called.

Cornelius had been calling her nonstop (once to demand that his forgotten Transformers be brought to his school for Show and Tell), as had the Bitch, but neither Will nor anyone associated with _Mary Poppins_ had called. She didn't really mind Cornelius or the Bitch calling, since it distracted her from Will's non-calling and each outrageous demand they posed gave her the opportunity to text Finn.

He'd been on her mind for the past three days, ever since he'd asked her to be his pretend girlfriend. She'd felt bad saying no, but at the time, Mike was supposed to have been coming home and she'd needed to deal with the whole parents hating her situation. Mike had ended up calling and saying he was staying at the conference for an extra few days, which gave her plenty of time to avoid the parent situation.

And maybe to text Finn.

True, she _had _to text Finn to let him know what Cornelius and the Bitch were demanding, but she often found herself texting him in between phone call messages too. She enjoyed the banter they had going and although it seemed to be an unwritten rule not to mention Aunt Bernadette's, she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to go to the party with him. Would _his_ family like her?

She had a feeling they'd be the opposite of Mike's family, just based on the emails she'd read. The emails from his mother were loving and it was obvious they had a close relationship. There was even an email from Aunt Bernadette, who'd chosen to send her first ever email to him. The fact that she stated in the email that she was going to call him to tell him he had an email made Rachel laugh and she couldn't help but compare his family to Mike's a little bitterly, highly doubting that Finn's family would ever pay her off.

She hadn't heard a word from Mike's parents since their surprise visit, but with Mike due back any minute, she fully expected that to change. Sullenly, she placed her key in the lock and entered her apartment, letting her bag drop to the floor as she flopped on the couch, her ever present cell phone clutched in her hand. She still wasn't sure how she was going to handle this situation and honestly, all she wanted to do was curl in a ball and take a nap with Cosette.

Her phone beeped and she sat up, instantly more awake.

**_You get home ok?_**

She smiled at Finn's concern. He'd been keeping her company all day as she worked and she laughed thinking of the conversations they'd had. She scrolled back through the texts, reliving the lively debates text by text.

**_I just got home. Thank you for your concern._**

Mike never bothered to see if she got home ok, but she rationalized that by the fact that he was often in surgery and couldn't call.

**_It's not a problem. Just watching out for my phone. I wouldn't want it to get phonejacked….oh wait. It already did._**

Honestly. How many times did she have to explain that she did _not _phonejack him?

**_Funny Finn._**

She sank back into the couch awaiting his answer. Cosette curled into her lap, ready to be gently stroked between her ears.

**_I try._**

She couldn't help but chuckle at that just as another text came in.

**_So I should probably leave you alone now, since Mike is coming back from LA any minute right? You'll probably want to break out the outdated Valentine's lingerie and get kinky._**

God he had a one track mind. Thankful that Mike was more mature, she typed out her reply.

**_Not that it's any of your business, but yes, I assume we'll be intimate._**

That was provided he hadn't spoken to his parents, but Finn didn't need to know that. She grinned as she stroked Cosette, wondering what his response was going to be.

**_I'm sexy and I know it/I'm sexy and I know it…_**

Rachel squealed, excited that Santana finally called so she could hear the ringtone she's specifically picked out for Santana. She'd spent a large part of the day texting Finn about the merits of assigning a song to a person, both of them scrolling through their iPods until they'd found songs for each person Rachel described. "Hello?"

_"You would not believe the day I had. We had three strokes come in, which means three emergency surgeries to relieve the brain blockage and that's in addition to the usual crap. Hey, tourist! You want to walk a little slower? Not like I just worked a 16 hour shift and want to get home!"_

"Hello to you too Santana." She smiled as she listened to Santana yell at the old man some more. "Sounds like you had a rough day."

_"You have no idea. Ask Mike. What is your problem, lady? Move along before I take your husband's camera and hit you with it!"_

"Mike?" Rachel replied, confused.

_"Yeah, I almost assisted on his 2nd surgery last night. He worked a 16 hour shift too I think."_

"He was there last night?"

_"Isn't that what I just said?"_

"But he called and said he was staying at the conference another few days and he'd be home _today_," Rachel stressed, clearly bewildered.

_"Look, all I know is that I saw him doing rounds and consulting with a nurse. I heard him paged a few times too. Seriously lady! This is New York. Walk fast or get the hell out."_

"I don't get it. Why'd he tell me he was staying?"

_"I don't know. Maybe the conference ended and he got called in right away. I'm sure it's nothing."_

"Maybe," she replied doubtfully. "Do you think he spoke to his parents?"

_"I think Chang would have the decency to tell you it was over to your face. Look lady, if you stop to stare at a building one more time, I **will** kick your ass."_

"You think so?"

_"I know so. Oh my God, Rachel. I have to go before I kill these tourists."_

She hung up before Rachel could say anything more. She bit her lip in contemplation, trying to figure out another possible reason Mike hadn't told her he was home yet. The sound of the door opening distracted her from her thoughts for a second.

"Rachel?"

"Mike!" She jumped off the couch to greet him, intending to give him a welcome home kiss as she led him to the bedroom.

"Hey." He ducked her advances, flopping down onto the couch. "I'm exhausted from that conference."

"I bet. Why didn't you tell me you were home yesterday?" Rachel demanded as she sat next to him.

"Hmm? Oh I went right from JFK to the hospital. I had two emergency surgeries and I got called in to consult on another. I barely had to time to change, let alone call you."

"But you _said_ you were coming home today. What changed?" Rachel insisted, trying to ease her worries. "Did you speak to your parents?"

"Oh, the conference decided to end early. It's no big deal, it happens all the time," Mike assured her. He placed a kiss against her temple. "Did Will call?"

She frowned. "Not yet."

"Well what have you been up to?"

"Oh! Call my phone!" She beamed, waiting for him to comply.

"Why? I know you got a new number, I already programmed it in. Why didn't you just get a new phone instead of a new number? It would have been easier."

"I was phonejacked. Now come on, call." She bounced excitedly on the couch, waiting for him to call.

"_Phonejacked?_ Since when do you make up words?" Mike queried, arching an eyebrow.

She rolled her eyes. "Fine. My phone was stolen, is that better? Now call it." She watched eagerly as he pulled out his phone and dialed.

**_I wanna sex you up/All night/You make me feel real good/I want to/I wanna rub you down/I wanna sex you up…_**

"What is _that_?" he asked; his eyes wide.

"It's my ringtone for you! Isn't it great?" she bubbled, grabbing his phone and playing with it for a minute. "Now watch when I call you!"

**_Let's get it on/Let's get it on, baby/Let's get it on…_**

"Rachel!"

"Isn't it great?" she repeated. "I thought long and hard about what songs should be our ringtones and I finally decided on these two."

She didn't bother to add that Finn had helped her or that she was trying to kill two birds with one stone. It had been quite a while since she and Mike had been intimate and she was a firm believer in subliminal messages, or in this case the _hit him over the head obvious_ message.

"Why don't we do what the song says?" she added seductively. She climbed into his lap, attempting to unbutton his shirt. "Come on, Mike. Let's get it on."

"Are you _insane_? I can't have that as my ringtone! If that goes off at a board meeting or during consultations, I'll die!" Mike cried as a sudden thought hit him and he stilled her hands. "My _father_ goes to those board meetings!"

"So put it on silent for those meetings," Rachel directed, still trying to unbutton his shirt. "But don't you like the idea of knowing that it's me calling just by the ringtone?"

"Yes, but as long as it's something appropriate. I'm going to be chief surgeon one day, I can't have _Let's Get It On _as my ringtone," he admonished, pulling her off his lap and depositing her next to him. He fiddled with the phone until he found his old ringtone.

"Yeah, I heard something about that," Rachel muttered as she lay her head against the back of the couch. Finn had found it funny when she suggested _Let's Get It On_, saying it could take the place of foreplay if she just pressed her phone, so she didn't see why Mike was so horrified by it. "Have you spoken to your parents?"

"No, but my dad called and left a message on my phone. I didn't call him back yet."

"Oh. Well, why don't you wait until you get home? We can cuddle now and have some _fun,_" Rachel suggested, wanting to get back to her sex quest. She resumed unbuttoning his shirt as she straddled him, surprised when Mike immediately deposited her back on the couch.

"Actually, I'm gonna head home. I'm exhausted and being on LA time doesn't help. It's only going to get worse when I go to Phoenix this weekend." He stood up, buttoning his shirt.

"Phoenix! But I thought we were going to do wedding stuff this weekend?" Rachel cried, upset at both being rejected and at this new development. "I mean, I know we're only getting married by a Justice of the Peace at the courthouse, but there's still stuff to do."

"And you can do them with my mom or Santana," Mike promised, giving her nose a kiss. "This conference is really important. My dad's friend is the key note speaker, so I _have _to go."

"But I want _your_ help! It's our wedding!"

"Ask my mom to help. It'll be good for the two of you." He adjusted his shirt a final time, hurrying towards the door.

"I doubt that," Rachel muttered, the check still very much on her mind.

"Then I'm sure you'll find something else to do this weekend, something fun," Mike promised, giving her a kiss on her cheek. "Now I have to go, but I'll call you later."

Rachel watched as he hurried out the door, her eyes narrowing in annoyance. She couldn't believe that he not only came back _yesterday_ and didn't tell her, but that he was basically leaving her alone tonight as well as this weekend. His words ran through her head, telling her to find something fun to do this weekend.

Grabbing her cell phone, she typed a simple text.

**_Meet me at the Starbucks on 42nd and 8th. I'll do it._**

* * *

><p>Finn drummed his fingers on the table impatiently with one hand, the other toying with his coffee up nervously. He glanced at his phone, wondering where the hell Rachel was. They'd agreed to meet at 4:00 <em>sharp<em> and yet it was 4:10 and Rachel was nowhere to be seen. A smirk appeared on his face at the fact that she'd been adamant about _him_ being on time and she was the one who was late, something he was planning on bringing up once she finally arrived.

Rachel's insistence that he be on time actually worked out well for him since it meant that he had to end a training session with Sugar early. She's been furious when he'd announced that he needed to leave early to meet Rachel. Sugar had immediately grabbed her iPhone and tweeted this new development to her followers, which meant _Finn_ had received an excited phone call from Kurt.

Horrified that Finn planned to wear the clothes he'd been wearing at the gym, he'd dropped off a bag of Kurt-approved date clothes. Ordinarily he'd be at pissed at Kurt, but since Kurt had handed him the bag right in front of Sugar with the directive not to overdo the aftershave if he wanted to get past second base, he figured he'd overlook it, seeing as how it only added to Sugar's ire.

The result of Sugar's tweet was that he was now sitting in Starbucks wearing dark jeans and what Kurt called a crewneck sweater. Kurt would be pissed if he knew that Finn had pushed up the sleeves but he'd deal with that later. Right now he was more concerned with Rachel being late and how he'd use it to his advantage. Sighing, he pulled out his phone to text her.

**_Where are you?_**

Almost as soon as he put the phone down, it beeped.

**_I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for you._**

He frowned, looking around the crowded coffee shop. There was an old lady sitting alone nearby and he gulped, hoping that she wasn't Rachel. Exhaling once he remembered that Rachel had long dark hair, he typed his response.

**_No you're not because I'm sitting here waiting for YOU. You practicing being a diva by being fashionably late?_**

He took another peek around the coffee house, wondering if she really was here. Not seeing anyone who remotely resembled what he thought Rachel looked like, he focused on his beeping phone.

**_I'll have you know that I am a true professional. I am never late. I arrive early or not at all. Clearly you don't subscribe to the same mantra._**

Was she insane? He was the one here on time, not her.

**_Clearly I do if I'm sitting at the table drinking coffee. I may have even gotten you a coffee, despite you accusing me of being late. Which I'm not._**

Hmmpf. Let her chew on that. He took another sip of his coffee, waiting for the response he was sure was coming momentarily.

**_What are you wearing?_**

Oh the possibilities. He thought for a moment before typing a response Puck would be proud of.

**_Are you trying for phone sex? 'Cause I gotta say, that's not an original line. It's gonna take more than that, babe._**

There. That comment should be payback for her being late. He could only imagine what she'd send back, but he was sure it would start with an admonishment.

**_Funny Finn. I was simply inquiring as to what you're wearing so I can find you if you really are here as you claim. By the way, this wouldn't be phone sex, since we're not actually on the phone. The correct term would be sexting and if I were to sext you, I'd come up with something a lot better than "What are you wearing?" I'm almost insulted that you think I'd be that unoriginal._**

He snorted at that, amazed that she managed to get yet another definition into her texts. Evidently, she wasn't done, since his phone began to beep again.

**_You still haven't answered my (not sexting) question. What are you wearing?_**

Once again, the multitude of possibilities swam through his brain. He could take this conversation in _so_ many ways.

**_Bet you're hoping I say boxers 'cause I know you've been wondering if I wear boxers or briefs._**

He sat back, just waiting to see what she replied to that. He took another glance around the crowded coffeehouse, trying to figure out which woman was Rachel.

**_Actually, that question was answered when you paraded your Snoopy boxers out for me to see._**

Damn. He forgot about that. His phone beeped again before he could think of a response.

**_ Never mind. I'll find you._**

He turned the phone over in his hands, debating if he wanted to continue annoying her. Deciding to play nice, he looked down at his phone, beginning to type in **_I'm wearing dark jeans and a sweater_** when a pair of legs appeared in his line of vision. Completely forgetting about the text message, his eyes drifted up the legs, roaming from the penny loafered foot to the hem of her plaid winter coat. His gaze drifted further up her tiny frame, mouth dropping open as he focused on the girl's face for the first time, the long brown hair he remembered from the photo cascading over her shoulders.

**_Whoa._**

His gaze lingered on the deep brown eyes staring expectantly at him. He could feel his mouth dropping open even further and he gripped his coffee cup tighter, unsure if he'd actually to be able to talk.

Fortunately the woman standing in front of him seemed to be in control of her facilities. "Finn, I presume?"

"Umm…" He stared at her in shock, one hand still gripping his coffee cup.

"You are Finn Hudson, are you not?" she queried, one hand gripping the strap of the little pocketbook crossing her chest. The other held a bag to her side.

"Umm…" he repeated, wishing he could say _something. _"Umm…yeah. Yeah I am."

She beamed. "I thought so! I was sitting over there by that potted plant, wondering which man in here was you, and when I saw you I said to myself that's him! I'm Rachel, of course."

"Umm…yeah. Yeah I know," he replied, wishing he didn't sound like such a loser. "Have a seat."

His attempt to be suave backfired, since instead of gesturing smoothly to the empty seat with the hand gripping his coffee cup like he'd intended, he somehow managed to use said cup to knock over the cup of coffee he'd bought for Rachel. He watched in horror as it flowed from the cup onto the seat she was just about to occupy.

"Shit!" he cried frantically, grabbing the few napkins he had to wipe up the coffee with one hand while he righted the cup with the other. "I'm so sorry! I'll get you another once I clean this up."

"It's not a problem, Finn," Rachel replied pleasantly. "We can just sit at another table."

He stared up at her, pausing his frantic wiping. "Oh. Oh ok."

She smiled down at him before moving to sit at a nearby table. "See? All better."

He followed, but remained standing. "Coffee! I'll get you another coffee," he blurted out. Not waiting for her answer, he hurried over to the counter, trying to collect himself.

He hadn't expected a phonejacker to be so…_hot._ She was like Angelina Jolie in _Lara Croft Tomb Raider _hot or even Catwoman hot. He grinned at the thought as he stood in line, knowing that Rachel could _totally_ rock a cat suit. She was seriously smokin' with those legs, even if he couldn't tell her boob situation under that coat.

And she was engaged.

Reminding himself of that fact, he placed her order, reciting _she's engaged_ over and over again in his head until he'd collected himself enough to form what he hoped would be coherent sentences around her. He paid for the coffee, taking a deep breath as he started to walk back to their new table.

"Uh…what's all this?" he asked, carefully handing her her new coffee and eyeing the folders and papers on the table. His eyes immediately noticed that she'd taken off her coat, revealing a fantastic body under a polka dot dress. She was clearly lacking in the boob department but from what he could see, the rest of her body made up for it. "Thanks for doing this by the way."

Rachel beamed. "It's not a problem. It'll be an excellent acting exercise."

"And your fiancé doesn't mind?" Finn asked, watching as she removed her scarf and coat.

Her smiled dimmed slightly. "He'll be away at a conference."

"Oh." He stared at her for a moment, trying to figure out why she seemed off all of a sudden. "Look, if this is going to cause you to fight with your fiancé, you don't have to do it."

Her smile returned. "I sort of owe you for that phone call that got you in this situation in the first place."

"And for phonejacking me," Finn added wryly, watching as Rachel pulled her (his) phone out of her bag and placed it on the table near his.

"I _didn't-_you know what? Never mind," Rachel retorted, not about to explain yet again how she was only borrowing it. She pulled the Blackberry closer to her. "Until I get my phone call, this is for all intensive purposes mine. You _said._"

"I know, I know," he grumbled. "Finders keepers."

She beamed. "Exactly. Now let's get down to business. Where are we going again?"

"We're going to my Aunt Bernadette's 70th birthday party up in Sleepy Hollow," Finn explained, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Sleepy Hollow?" Rachel exclaimed excitedly. "As in Washington Irving's epic tale of love and terror?"

"Oh yeah, the Headless Horseman," Finn replied, shrugging. "They do some pretty cool stuff around Halloween for that."

"I hold a particular fondness for that short story, you know." She smiled at him, taking a small sip.

"Yeah?" he asked, resisting the urge to wipe the little bit of coffee residing on her lip. He watched as she brought a napkin up to wipe her mouth, the large engagement ring serving as a stark reminder of why he had to keep resisting.

"Katrina Van Tassel was my first role," she announced proudly. "I starred in the Lima Junior High fall production of _The Legend of Sleepy Hollow."_

"Oh really? That's cool." He smiled at her, watching as her own smile grew. "I bet you were really good."

"It was critically acclaimed," Rachel agreed, nodding. "Despite my performance being slammed by the _The Lima Ledger_."

"_The Lima Ledger_?" Finn asked amused.

"The 8th Grade paper," she replied crisply. "It was my first brush with the paparazzi. They had the nerve to give me my only negative review, _clearly_ undeserved. I wrote a scathing rebuttal."

"I'm sure you did." He smiled at her again, just picturing a younger version of Rachel consulting the dictionary for the biggest words she could find to make her point. "How'd you know I was me, by the way?"

"It's simple math Finn," she replied seriously. "I simply took what I saw of your body from that video and applied it to each man in here."

"How so?"

"Clearly a man like _that_," she pointed to a heavyset man eating a brownie nearby. "Was able to easily be eliminated while a man like _that_," she pointed to a tall, lean man reading a magazine two tables away. "Warranted a closer look."

"Yeah? Why'd you eliminate him?" He leaned closer, curious to hear her response.

"Well I was on my way over to get a closer look but then I realized he was reading _National Geographic _and unless I'm mistaken, your texts didn't strike me as being written by someone who reads _National Geographic._ Am I right?"

"I read _National Geographic!_" he retorted hotly, not bothering to add that it was only when he, Puck and Sam wanted to see the pictures of the topless tribal women.

"I'm sure you do," Rachel replied, calmly taking another sip of her coffee as she also leaned closer. Her eyes opened wide as she smiled. "I bet you're very interested in _tribal_ culture."

He flushed, trying to think of a retort. "For your-"

"Oh!" Rachel cried, interrupting him. "Santana's here!"

He followed her gaze to see who she was beckoning to, finally deciding she was trying to get the attention of a tall Latina in hospital scrubs. His guess was evidently correct since the woman began making her way over to them.

"Santana!" Rachel beamed. "I thought you were working!"

"I'm on my way there now." She eyed Finn curiously. "Who's this?"

"Finn, I'd like you to meet Santana," Rachel introduced, smiling as she watched Finn hold out his hand.

"You're the manny," Santana said immediately, settling into the empty chair next to Rachel and removing her coat.

"I'm not a manny," he replied, blushing.

"Cornelius is simply…" Rachel trailed off, unsure of how to finish. "Well I'm not exactly sure what Cornelius is, but Finn's a personal trainer, Santana."

"That's right; you did tell me that, in between the texts that have you glued to your phone."

Rachel had the grace to blush under Finn's surprise gaze. "I'm waiting for a call!"

"Right. Cause Broadway is really going to be calling you at 11:30 at night," Santana quipped, watching as Finn joined Rachel in blushing. "Some girl's night we had the other day. Brits and I couldn't even hear the movie because Rachel's phone kept beeping."

"It wasn't that often!" Rachel defended hotly. She glanced at Finn to back her up, but he just smiled sheepishly.

"Whatever. All I know is that that phone was beeping so much, Brittany thought the ice cream truck was coming down the street," Santana commented, looking from one to the other as both their faces turned deeper shades of red. "What so was riveting? Were you two sexting?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Santana. I'm _engaged,_" Rachel snapped as Finn nodded furiously. "We were simply having a debate."

Finn snorted a little, remembering that _debate_ all too well. What had started out as a simple text asking if she was eating popcorn with the movie soon became a heated argument via text about which brand of microwave popcorn was better. _That_ had morphed into the butter vs. no butter debate, with Finn firmly pro butter (cause it's awesome) and Rachel pulling out web links to nutrition charts and graphs to bolster her argument.

Santana shrugged. "Whatever gets you off, Rachel."

"_Santana!_" Rachel hissed, horrified that she was being so crass in front of Finn.

"What? I told you the other day that if the Asian wasn't getting it done, you need to take care of it yourself." She shrugged again, taking a sip of her coffee. "Just stating the obvious."

"I'm going to get a scone," Rachel announced, her face still red as she strode away.

Santana watched her go for a moment before turning to Finn. "Look here Paul Bunyan. I like you and I could tell Rachel likes you too, probably more than she should but I'm telling you this. Rachel's from the nicer part of Lima. I however, am not. You screw with her and I'll cut your freakishly large body down to normal person size 'cause that's how we do it in Lima Heights Adjacent."

Finn gulped, clutching his coffee cup. "Um…she's just doing me a favor."

"Yeah? Well keep that _'favor'_ in your pants, buddy." She stood up. "She's engaged, even if…"

"Even if what?" he asked curiously. For someone who was engaged, Rachel barely spoke about her wedding plans or her fiancé. When Quinn had been engaged, she seemed to have forgotten how to talk about anything other than her wedding or Joe for the entire year leading to the wedding.

"Never mind. Just don't hurt her."

"I wouldn't," Finn replied honestly, sneaking a glance at Rachel's fantastic ass over by the counter. "She's just helping me."

"Keep reminding yourself of that," Santana warned as Rachel started to make her way back.

"I hope you two found something to talk about," Rachel teased as she sat back down. "Where are you going, Santana?"

"My shift starts soon. I have to get to work," she replied, pulling on her coat as she watched Rachel smile at Finn. "You two have fun and for God's sake don't forget to use a condom."

"_Santana!"_ Rachel hissed; her face scarlet. Across the table, Finn's face was a mirror of her own.

"Like you don't know what I'm talking about. I told you, if the doctor isn't in-"

"_Santana!"_

"Fine. I'm leaving. See you and the Jolly Green later."

Rachel waited until she'd left before sneaking a peek at Finn. "I'm so sorry. She's always been crass like that."

He smiled, taking a gulp of his coffee. "Uh, it's ok. Puck's the same way," he commented. "They should probably meet. They'd be perfect for each other."

Rachel stared at him, a wry smile on her face. "I don't think Brittany would like that."

Finn shrugged, catching onto her meaning. "Wouldn't stop him."

"Yes, I've seen the emails he sends you." She wrinkled her nose in distaste.

"I _knew_ you read my emails," Finn triumphed, throwing a smirk her way.

"I based my last statement on the repulsive subject headings of his emails, Finn!" she retorted hotly.

"Right. Because you knew about Aunt Bernadette's birthday party from just the subject heading," Finn commented smugly, taking another sip of his coffee.

"Which brings us to the matter at hand. Where's your information, Finn?" Rachel queried, clearly changing the subject.

"My what?"

"Your information! If we're going to do this, Finn, I thought it best to be prepared." She slid the folder on the table across to him. "Here's a short dossier on me, listing all the pertinent facts about me you'll need to know should anyone question our relationship."

She pushed the folder closer to Finn, who glanced down at it in shock. "You can't be serious."

"I assure you I am." She began ticking items off on her fingers. "Favorite colors, foods, my pet peeves and schedule are all listed, as well as my family tree going all the way back to Great Great Great Grandpa Barry."

Finn stared at her, his mouth open from shock. His mouth opened and shut a few times, trying to think of something, anything to say. "You have a relative named _Barry Berry_?"

"I fail to see why everyone finds that so amusing."

"It's just funny. Barry Berry, you don't hear it?"

"I do not."

"Oh." His gaze flickered down at the folder for a moment before returning to her face, which at the moment was staring at him expectantly. "What?"

"Where's your information?" she repeated, pulling a yellow legal pad out of her folder. "I can't adequately prepare for this role if I haven't thoroughly researched. I know nothing about your family other than that you have a brother named Kurt and an Aunt Bernadette who's celebrating a birthday soon. I don't even know your mother's name!"

"Carole," he replied, still a little shocked. "It's Carole."

She smiled as she uncapped her pen and wrote this new information down on her legal pad. "Now we're getting somewhere. And what about your dad?"

"Burt," he answered automatically. "Although he's my stepdad. My biological father died when I was a baby." He paused. "Kurt's technically my stepbrother, but it's been so long that I don't consider the step part of it, you know?"

She nodded in understanding, her pen flying furiously. "When's your birthday?"

"Um…April 24th, same year as you," he replied, having noticed her birthday in her folder.

Rachel gasped; her pen stilling as she looked up from her notes in surprise. "April 24th?"

"Uh, yeah, that's what my mom told me."

"Do you realize how lucky you are to be born on April 24th?" she demanded.

"Oh, because it's springtime? I guess." He shrugged, not seeing what the big deal was. It wasn't like it was warm enough to have a pool party or anything.

"Are you aware of who you share a birthday with?" Rachel pressed, her face starting to betray the fact that he clearly did not deserve to be born on April 24th.

"Oh yeah. You mean Chipper Jones, right?" Finn replied, surprised that Rachel knew that it was also the famous baseball player's birthday, let alone that she was a baseball fan.

Rachel stared at him, completely scandalized. "April 24th happens to be the birthday of Barbra Joan Streisand herself. Do you realize how incredibly lucky you are to share a birthday with her? The only musicians born on December 18th are Christina Aguilera, DMX and Keith Richards!"

"Really? You share a birthday with the Rolling Stones guitarist?" Finn asked, beyond impressed.

"I know, it's awful," Rachel agreed miserably. "It's also Brad Pitt, Katie Holmes and Steven Spielberg's birthday."

"That's pretty cool company," Finn offered, trying to console her.

"Not as cool as sharing a birthday with the legend herself," Rachel said mournfully. "I'd kill for your birthday. Did your parents plan that as a tribute?"

"Eww. Can we move on?" he asked, desperate to get off the topic of his mom's sex life. He picked up a paper off the table. "What's this?"

"Oh! That's a blank family tree!" Rachel exclaimed, brightening at the thought. "You need to fill it out now so I have ample time to study."

"I already told you my family." Confused, he stared at the paper, wondering what the hell he'd gotten himself into.

"Yes, but this party is clearly not going to be just Carole, Burt, Kurt and Aunt Bernadette in attendance," she insisted.

"Oh true. Rory will be there," Finn mused. "Sugar too."

"And that's the info I need to know," Rachel announced. "Is Aunt Bernadette married? Whose aunt is she? How is Rory related? Put it all on the tree so I can study."

Finn nodded, dutifully getting to work filling out the tree as best he could. He felt like he was back in school, doing class work under the watchful eyes of his teacher.

He'd never had a teacher this hot though.

* * *

><p>Rachel sat quietly as Finn finished preparing the tree, her mind whirling.<p>

She _knew_ it. She knew he'd be hot.

She just hadn't expected him to be _this_ hot. When he'd looked up at her, she'd had to grab her purse strap just to keep her hands from fanning her face. He had an air of goofiness about him that made him more endearing and his body well….she approved.

She watched as Finn ran his hands through his hair, clearly perplexed by something on his family tree. Quietly, she pulled out a hot pink plastic binder out of the bag at her feet, placing it on the table in front of her as she waited for Finn to finish.

"Here. Finished, although I couldn't figure out where to put Sugar and her parents since they aren't technically family, so I wrote it on the bottom." He pushed the paper across the table at her, noticing the pink binder for the first time. "What's that?"

"I'm so glad you asked, Finn." Rachel beamed, picking up the binder to show him. "As you know, I'm engaged, which is why I've come up with what I like to call the Relationship Contract."

She'd thought of it last night and now that she knew how hot Finn was, she'd never been more glad that she was obsessively prepared.

"Relationship Contract?" Finn repeated dumbly, staring at the binder.

"Of course!" Rachel replied. "This contract will define exactly what our relationship is!" She opened the binder, flipping through the pages until she found what she wanted. "For instance, what are our views on PDA?"

He shrugged. "PDA? I don't know."

"Exactly why we need the contract!" She gestured to the open binder, allowing him to see that she'd typed up the different types of PDA, with a yes/no checkbox next to each one. "Are we an affectionate cuddly couple? An only in private couple? Or maybe somewhere in between?"

"Uh, I don't know," he repeated, his face clearly wondering what he'd gotten himself into.

Rachel eyed him critically. "You seem like a hugger," she surmised. "I'd say you don't mind PDA. I'm going to check off affectionate."

"Uh, ok," he replied, shifting uncomfortably as his face flushed.

She checked off _affectionate,_ her pen poised over the sub-categories listed below it. "Hand holding?"

"Sure."

"Fingers interlaced?"

"Is there any other way?" he asked, quickly backtracking when he realized she was about to launch into a lecture on the various types of hand holding. "Interlaced is fine."

"Knuckle grazing?" she asked, eyeing his hands. "I think that would be you. I don't think my thumb could reach. Your hands are kind of big."

"What are you talking about? You could reach," he observed, staring at his hands. "And I think my hands are proportionate."

"No. Watch." She reached across the table, slipping her small hand into his much larger hand. Her mind immediately registered the way her fingers fit perfectly between his and she stared at their hands for a second, completely forgetting about the knuckle grazing dilemma.

"Well?" he asked, staring at their hands also.

She tore her gaze from their hands to stare at him as her thumb lightly began grazing across his hand. "Well what?"

He smirked. "I told you you could reach."

She glanced back down at their hands, annoyed to see that not only was he right, but the knuckle grazing had been something she'd done instinctively, without her consciously recognizing the action. Pausing her thumb, she yanked her hand out of his, placing it in her lap. "So um, that's settled. Let's move on, shall we?"

She randomly flipped to a new page, her gaze staring anywhere but at him. Curious to see what she'd opened to, she looked down at the page she'd so cunningly entitled _Kissing by the Rules._

Crap.

"What's next?"

She glanced up, her cheeks tinged with pink. "Kissing."

"Oh?"

The smug tone of his voice in that one word allowed her to recover her facilities as she showed the page to Finn. "I feel I should tell you that while I understand its part of my role as girlfriend, it is customary for actors and actresses to discuss what's appropriate."

He stared in amazement at the page in front of him. The typed page listed over twenty different types of kisses ranging from peck to French to butterfly. Like the previous pages, each kiss was accompanied by two boxes for yes and no. "Are you serious?"

"Quite serious," she replied, determined to forget about how she'd felt holding his hand. "Let's start with Eskimo. I myself feel that that's for five year olds and grandparents, so I'd say no to that one. What do you think?"

"Uh, I say no." He shrugged, clearly never having given much thought to Eskimo kisses before.

Rachel checked off _no_ before moving onto the next kiss. "Now what about your standard kiss? Open mouth or closed? I think for our purposes, open mouth is much more believable."

"I agree," Finn replied quickly, watching as Rachel checked off yes.

"Tongue?" She looked up, her pen poised over the paper.

"You're engaged! So I say no," Finn decided. "I wouldn't want my fiancée's tongue in another guy's mouth."

Rachel nodded; a small part of her wondering what it would have been like to check off yes. "Very well. I'll check no for French kissing."

They worked their way through the rest of the kissing styles, with romantic, smooching and pecking making the cut while public make-outs, neck nibbling and hickeys of any kind were strictly prohibited.

"Now let's discuss hand placement. I'm willing to give you butt, but I draw the line at breasts," Rachel said firmly.

"Agreed," Finn replied, his face falling slightly as if he was secretly disappointed. "So I should keep my hands on your butt all the time?"

"Finn!" Rachel exclaimed. "That is not what I meant! I simply meant that while kissing I won't object to your hands on my rear."

"What about the small of your back?" he asked, eyeing the list and noticing the glaring omission. "Like if we're walking and not holding hands with our fingers intertwined?"

Rachel considered, a small smile on her face. "That's a very intimate gesture."

He shrugged. "Maybe, but it's a natural reaction; at least for me. You gotta give me that if you gave me ass cupping."

Rachel bit her lip. "Very well." She wrote it on the bottom of the page. "Let's move on. How did we meet? Is it a meet cute? A blind date? Personally I like the meet cute. Our eyes could have locked when we both reached for the same copy of _Barbra Live at Forum_ at the music store."

"First of all, no. I'd never buy a Barbra CD and would get my ass kicked if I did."

Rachel huffed. "I'll have you know that Barbra's CD is considered-"

He held up a hand, silencing her rant. "Second of all, I think we should just keep it simple. We met at Starbucks which we sort of did."

"Well that's not very romantic!"

"It's our story," Finn said firmly.

"Fine," Rachel huffed. "Where did you take me on our first date?"

"Um. I don't know. A diner."

"A diner!"

He chuckled at the scandalized look on her face. "Yes a diner. What's wrong with that?"

"Well I'm just saying; I don't know how you ever got a second date if you think a diner is an acceptable first date."

"What difference does it make? We're not really dating!"

"It makes all the difference! Details are incredibly important to any performance!"

He rolled his eyes at her dramatics. "Fine. We went to dinner at a restaurant of your choice."

"And a show," Rachel insisted.

"No. Kurt will never believe that I went to a Broadway show. He'll spot that lie in an instant. Better make it a movie," Finn decided.

Rachel bit her lip, trying to think of a compromise that still gave her what she wanted. "Oh! There's a marathon of Rogers & Hammerstein classics playing one night only in the village. We could have seen that."

"Again, Kurt," Finn responded. "Kurt knows musicals like the back of his hand and anything musical related going on in New York City he knows about. If there was a marathon of musicals playing in the village I guarantee you he not only knew about it he was there. We went to see _The Avengers_."

"But I've never seen _The Avengers_!" Rachel cried. "How can I prepare for that?"

"It's just your superheroes. Don't you know them?" The blank stare on Rachel's face gave him his answer. "I guess you could Wikipedia it."

"That's hardly a reliable source Finn!" Rachel scolded. "Anyone can edit it! What if I quote something from Wikipedia and its wrong? Our cover would be blown!"

"Or maybe people would think we just didn't pay attention to the movie," Finn offered, quirking an eyebrow suggestively.

Rachel huffed. "I hope you don't think you scored on the first date. A kiss or handholding yes, make-out possibly, but sex no. That's for the third date and only if it's not the third week of the month." She flipped to another page. "Which reminds me. Where did it happen?"

"Where did what happen?" he repeated dumbly.

"Our first time of course. And please don't say a car or someplace awful like a public bathroom." She stared at him, pen poised over her paper.

He flushed at her words, knowing the tips of his ears were going pink. Surely there couldn't have been anything in his email about his bathroom escapades in college. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Umm ...is this really necessary? You're not going to tell Mom and Aunt Bernadette about our sex life are you?"

"Only if they ask," Rachel replied honestly. "I'm just giving our relationship more back story. Do you live alone? Could we have made love there?"

He flushed again. "Um yeah I do. I live on the Upper West side."

"Really?" Rachel asked more than a little jealous. She cast her eyes down. "I live in Astoria."

"No way! I love Astoria," he replied.

She picked her head up to stare at him. "You do?"

"Yeah. Puck, Sam and I used to share an apartment in Rego Park and Sam was dating this girl who lived in Astoria, so we were always in Astoria," he explained. "Puck always said Astoria had the hottest girls."

"Oh well the realtor failed to mention that when I signed my lease, but I like it." She laughed bitterly. "I mean it's not the Upper East Side, but it's not a criminally dangerous area."

He shrugged. "Nothing wrong with Astoria. They have an awesome Beer Garden."

"I wouldn't know," she replied, shifting in her chair.

"Oh you don't drink?"

"I drink, but my fiancé or rather his parents, feel that he should be setting an example so he doesn't drink. He's going to be Chief Surgeon eventually."

"So? Chief Surgeons aren't allowed to drink?"

"He needs to set an example. He is a very important part of the medical community you know."

"That doesn't mean he can't have fun at a beer garden." Finn pointed out. "It's also a restaurant."

"I know. I always wanted to go," Rachel admitted. "It looks like fun."

"You did," Finn said suddenly.

"What? No I said I _wanted_ to go," Rachel clarified.

"And you did." He smiled. "I took you there on our first date ok?"

"Really?" Her smile widened. "I'll have to look at the menu tonight to see what I ordered."

"You really are thorough," Finn observed.

"I told you. It's all in the details, Finn," Rachel admonished. "That reminds me. What nicknames are off the table? I don't have any nicknames, so it's a moot point although I dislike darling."

"Fifi," he replied immediately. "Put that down, highlight it, whatever you need to do to remember that how much I _hate_ that nickname."

Rachel smirked. "But Fifi is so cute."

"That can be your nickname then," he retorted. "Ok, Fifi?"

She paused her writing, a look of admonishment on her face. "Don't be silly Finn. Mine would have to be Rae-Rae, just based on the first syllable."

"Rae-Rae?" he repeated, his face morphing into a smirk.

"Don't even think about it, Finn," Rachel warned. "That was simply to make a point."

"Whatever you say, Rae-Rae. What's next?" He leaned back in his chair, a satisfied look on his face.

"Well Fifi, we still need to discuss attire. Since I have yet to see an invitation, I'm unaware of what the dress code is. What are you wearing?"

"Um I don't know. Jeans?" he hazarded. "Kurt will be furious I just said that."

"Maybe I should ask your mom what she's wearing. Is it casual? Fancy? Black tie?"

"It's at Aunt Bernadette's house. I don't think it's that fancy, although I'm sure Kurt will dress like it's an award show party. Actually, he's planning the party so it probably will be fancy."

Rachel nodded, filling in the attire section. "Do I dress you or pick out your clothes if people ask?"

"No one will ever ask that," Finn said firmly.

"But they might."

"They won't. Everyone knows Kurt would _never_ let a girlfriend choose my clothes without his input," Finn insisted, rolling his eyes. "He'll probably critique your clothes too, so be prepared. The only one who escapes his wrath is Sugar and only because the two of them are designer label whores."

"Oh." Rachel bit her lip worriedly. "I don't have anything designer."

"Don't worry about it," Finn assured her, eyeing her polka-dot dress which he noticed clung to her body in just the right places. "Just wear what you have on and you'll look hot...I mean cute!" He blushed, trying to fix his mistake. "Cute. I meant cute 'cause like you're um...well not that you're not...'cause you _totally _are but um..."

She blushed at his words, as did he. "Right. So um, will Cornelius be there?"

"God no." He stiffened. "Uh... you can't tell anyone about the phone calls."

"Why not?" Rachel demanded.

"You just can't."

"Why? What's the big deal?"

"You just can't," he repeated. "Don't mention them."

Rachel eyed him, noticing his agitation. "Fine. I'll drop it for now. Let's move on to pet peeves. Obviously Fifi is a sore spot for you but what else?"

"Um..."

"I'd say being called a mama's boy annoys you, based on your texts," Rachel announced, cutting him off.

"It does."

Rachel nodded, scribbling it down on the page. "I can't blame you for that. I found it annoying when people called me a diva in high school just because I wasn't shy about my dreams."

Her tone harbored a bit of resentment that Finn picked up on. "You knew even then?"

"Of course." She placed her pen down. "I've known since I was four, didn't you?"

"Uh no. I think at four I wanted to be Batman."

She smiled at that, noticing how his ears tinged pink at the admission. "Well I've always knew. I just didn't know it would be this hard."

"The 263 auditions you went on?" Finn guessed; his face sympathetic. "That must be rough."

"You have no idea," Rachel replied. "I've been told I'm too short, too ethnic, too girly, my nose is too big, my hair is the wrong type." She gripped her coffee cup tightly as she looked down, her voice dropping to a whisper. "Sometimes I just wish I was classically pretty."

"You're pretty," he blurted out. "I mean, like _really_ pretty. No, wait. I shouldn't be saying that. You have a fiancé to tell you that."

She stared at him, her eyes wide as she bit her lip. "You think so?"

He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as his face flushed. "Um, yeah."

Rachel didn't say anything, continuing to stare at him.

**_I'm a Bitch/I'm a Lover/ I'm a Child/I'm a Mother…_**

The moment was broken by the sound of the dreaded ringtone. Startled, Finn and Rachel both stared at each other before lunging for the Blackberry. They struggled for a moment before Finn's brute strength allowed him to wrestle the phone away from Rachel, quickly answering before she could do anything else. "Hello?"

Rachel stared at him as he listened to whatever the Bitch was saying. She arched an eyebrow as he hung up. "Well?"

"I have to go." He stood up, hastily swallowing the last of the coffee, the phone still clutched in his hand.

"Wait! What about the rest of the agreement?" she cried, gesturing to the binder. "Whatever that Bitch wants can wait. We still haven't covered-"

"I have to go," he repeated, already moving towards the door.

"But that's-"

"I'll read the Rachel Rules another time," he called over his shoulder.

Furious, Rachel watched him rush out the door. Here she was, doing _him _a favor out of the goodness of her heart and he couldn't even be bothered to stay the entire time. She grabbed the lone phone on the table, intending to type him a scathing text message about his rudeness. Her fury immediately turned to horror as she stared at the phone.

"Finn!" she screeched, ignoring the startled patrons glaring at her. She ran out of the coffee shop just in time to see Finn's head bobbing above the crowd crossing the street. "Wait!"

She raced to the corner, frowning to see him already on the other side and walking away. She gave a piercing yell, hoping he'd hear her.

_"Finn! You have my phone!"_

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Uh oh, phones have been switched again :) And don't worry, it definitely will NOT be as long between updates for ch 7._**


	7. Rachel Berry, PI

**_Disclaimer: Glee is not mine :(_**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life."<strong>_

_**- (500) Days of Summer**_

* * *

><p>"Finn! You have my phone!" Rachel called out frantically, waving his iPhone in the air. Ignoring the <em>Don't Cross<em> sign flashing, she raced across the street, hoping she didn't get hit by a cab as she tried to catch up to Finn, who'd turned and was already halfway down the next block of Eighth Avenue. "Finn!"

Her yelling was in vain, since the massive crowd of people heading down Eighth Avenue was preventing Finn from hearing her. Frustrated, she held the phone to her chest as she attempted to power walk through the crowd, keeping her eyes on Finn's head bobbing above the crowd.

_**Aaahh Freak out!/Le Freak, C'est Chic/Freak out!/Aaahh Freak out!/Le Freak, C'est Chic**_

Startled, Rachel took her eyes off of Finn, curious to see who he would assign a disco ringtone to. She grinned when she saw the name _Kurt _across the top of the screen, realizing this was her chance to get some more info about Finn. Eagerly, she pressed answer, her eyes reverting back to following Finn. "Hello?"

"_Hello? Who's this?"_

"Rachel. I'm Finn's-"

"_Oh, my God! Is this his new girlfriend? The Broadway star?"_

"I'm a soon-to-be Broadway star," Rachel corrected, frowning as she watched Finn cross W. 43rd just as the light changed. "I'm currently waiting to-"

"_You're in consideration for the role of Mary in Mary Poppins, one of the few Broadway shows I haven't seen. You have to tell me __**everything**__. Have you met Patti Lupone or Nathan Lane? How are they in real life? Wait. Don't tell me. I'm not sure I can take it if you tell me they're bitches in real life."_

"Well I-"

"_Have you been to the Tonys?"_

Rachel bit her lip, not about to admit that she'd only been to the Tonys as a seat filler when she'd first arrived in New York. "Well, you see-"

"_I can't tell you how perfect this is that you're coming to Aunt Bernadette's. You're the perfect accessory to my theme, you know."_

"Oh? There's a theme?"

"_Of course there's a theme! Finn didn't tell you?"_

"He mentioned that you were planning it, but that's about it. He made it sound fairly casual." She hurried to cross the street, trying to keep Finn in her sight.

An audible gasp came through the phone_. "Casual! Aunt Bernadette is turning 70! We're going all out. The theme is Old Hollywood, so your Broadway aura will fit in perfectly."_

"Old Hollywood!" Rachel squealed, excited by the dramatic element of it. "Do we have to dress up like our favorite movie character? I claim Audrey Hepburn's ball gown in _My Fair Lady!_"

"_This isn't Halloween! We're going for classy."_

"So what_ is_ the dress code then?" Rachel asked, suddenly doubting Finn's fashion advice. "Finn's wearing jeans."

The gasp was even louder. _"Finn is most definitely_ _**not**__ wearing jeans! I have his suit all picked out! This is a Black Tie affair, which means he will be in a suit and you'll wear a dress, the length of which is up to you, although I will tell you that Carole and Aunt Bernadette are both wearing cocktail dresses."_

Rachel gulped. "I'm glad you called then. I was under the impression that this was to be a very casual affair."

"_Don't listen to my brother. He thinks Black Tie literally means he __**has**__ to wear a black tie."_

She laughed, keeping an eye on Finn who was now crossing W. 44th. "I could see that."

"_If it wasn't for me, he'd be wearing all plaid all the time. He wanted to wear his gym clothes to meet you at the coffee shop today!"_

"Well he looked very handsome in that sweater I thought," Rachel commented absentmindedly. "I couldn't believe how hot he looked when I got there."

Her hand flew to her mouth when she realized what she'd just let slip. She'd just told Finn's brother that she thought Finn was _hot_. Which he was, but she shouldn't be thinking those things since she was _engaged_. As an engaged woman, she wasn't supposed to be thinking about how the deep blue sweater complemented his skin tone or how the fact that he'd pushed up the sleeves meant she was able to see how toned his arms were.

But she was.

Thanks to his abrupt exit, he'd left his coat behind which meant she could still see those toned arms hurrying down Eighth Avenue. She'd managed to grab his coat and backpack as well as her own as she'd hurried out of the coffeehouse after him and his toned arms. How he wasn't freezing in this frigid February air she didn't know, but she certainly appreciated the view.

She immediately chastised herself for even thinking that, turning her attention back to Kurt, who'd apparently been discussing the various options he'd been considering for Finn to wear to the coffee house.

"…_so when I thought about it, the blue crewneck was really the only way to go."_

"It was a lovely choice," Rachel responded, curiosity overtaking her. "Do you dress him for all his dates?"

"_He's hopeless when it comes to clothes. He thinks a plaid shirt over a band t-shirt is the epitome of fashion. Have you decided what you're wearing to Aunt Bernadette's?"_

She laughed as she watched Finn continue to hurry down Eighth Avenue, picking up her own pace at the same time. "I'll have to think about it. I just found out about the party, so I haven't really given it a thought."

True, she had more important things on her mind, like horrible in-laws and relationship contracts, but she wasn't about to tell Kurt that, especially since he'd just gasped in horror.

"_Well that's what you pay the stylists the big bucks for right? There's really no time to get a custom runway creation but I'm sure you could find something couture."_

She bit her lip, refraining from pointing out that she still hadn't gotten her career to the point where a stylist would be necessary as she watched Finn cross W. 45th. For all intentive purposes, Santana was her stylist, since she was often as horrified by what she called Rachel's perverted Japanese businessman fantasy style as Kurt seemed to be by Finn's clothing. "Kurt, I'm sure I can find something appropriate myself."

"_I certainly hope so. Finn will be enough of a challenge without having to worry about you too."_

"Isn't this just a family birthday party?" She picked up the pace, wishing she could match Finn's long strides and wondering what she'd said to cause Kurt to gasp loudly into the phone.

"_**Just** a birthday party? Did Finn not tell you who Aunt Bernadette is?"_

"It's his mother's aunt, the sister of his grandmother Helen," Rachel recited proudly, thrilled her ability to quickly memorize scripts was coming in handy.

"_Well yes, but Aunt Bernadette is famous, also."_

Rachel gasped, her mind running through every famous Bernadette she could think of. "Is Aunt Bernadette the great Bernadette_ Peters_?"

Her burst of excitement was immediately deflated by Kurt's sigh. "_I wish. Sadly, Bernadette Peters is only 64. Our Aunt Bernadette is turning 70."_

"Oh." Her tone bore signs of disappointment, since she'd already begun imagining herself performing a duet with the Broadway legend. "So how is Aunt Bernadette famous?"

"_She's a former Rockette and famed choreographer for them to boot."_

"_Really?_" Rachel, asked, beyond impressed. "She's really a former Rockette?"

"_Oh, yes. Finn fails to see the magnitude of this, of course, but she's choreographed many famous routines."_

She laughed. "I'm sure he's appreciative."

Kurt's scoff wasn't lost on Rachel. "_Hardly. It's a mystery to me why he's Aunt Bernadette's favorite."_

She smiled. "Is he really?"

"_Oh yes. He even calls her Bernie, despite no else being allowed to."_

Her smile grew as her eyes continued to tail Finn. "It must be that adorable crooked smile of his. He's a charmer."

"_You have no idea. I can't tell you how much stuff he got out of by flashing that smile. Did he tell you about the party he, Puck and Sam threw at my parent's house in high school? He flashed that smile and somehow that party was __**my**__ fault."_

"I could see that." She paused, her eyes trained on Finn's back. "I bet he got a lot of girls in high school with that smile."

"_All the girls wanted him. Not that that he knew it; he was so oblivious. Only Quinn Fabray managed to get through to him. Not like it was hard for her, being head cheerleader and all around Queen Bee."_

Rachel gulped. That definitely did not describe her high school experience. Until she'd befriended Santana (also a cheerleader), she'd been tormented by the popular kids. She just _knew_ Quinn was blonde and had a cute nose. "Did they date long?"

"_Off and on throughout high school until she went to Yale, then they just stayed friends. She was ok. Just got married actually."_

"What about college? Any girlfriends then?" she asked, with all the subtlety of a brick hitting someone in the face. Not that she was interested; Finn hadn't gotten to complete the background survey she'd prepared so she was simply determined to find out in order to flesh out her role.

"_Oh we met a few. Let's see. There was Lindsey, the girl who pronounced hysterical as 'asterical' and laughed like a hyena, Angela, the girl who literally could not make a decision without consulting Finn and who could forget Taylor, the girl who accessorized every outfit, and I mean __**every outfit**__, with a tube of chapstick hanging from a chain around her neck? That's just the ones I met when he hung out in the city with me and my friends. Of those three, only Lindsey made it to Carole."_

"Oh?" Rachel asked, suddenly slightly nervous. "Is Carole scary or something?"

"_Relax, Rachel. Carole likes you already, since Finn wasn't exactly subtle each time he received a text from you at dinner. His face lit up brighter than a Christmas tree."_

"Really? Why?" She bit her lip in surprise, hardly believing that her pretend boyfriend's mother actually _liked_ her, since her real boyfriend's mother certainly didn't. "She's never even met me."

"_So? She saw Finn's reaction and that was enough for her."_

Well that was a novel thought, Rachel thought bitterly as she watched Finn head towards the subway steps. A mother who just wanted her son to be happy.

"_What color are you planning on wearing so I can get Finn a matching tie?"_

"Sorry Kurt, my train is coming. Gotta go, bye!" Finn was now heading down the subway steps, which would be a major problem if she lost him. She shoved the phone into her bag and broke into a run trying to follow him. "Finn!"

As usual, the mass of people trying to get down into the subway with her prevented Finn from hearing her. She pushed her way through the rush hour crowd, keeping a careful eye on Finn, who'd just swiped his MetroCard. "Finn!"

Cursing his bad hearing, she pulled out her own card, quickly swiping it and following him down to the train platform, just in time to see him jump on the C train. Breaking into a full sprint, she pushed her way onto the same train, managing to get on just before the doors closed. The train roared to life, speeding along the tracks as it headed back uptown.

She bit her lip as she considered her options. Finn had boarded on the other end of the car and the standing room only rush hour crowd meant it was absolutely impossible to make her way over to him, let alone call out his name. Unable to even pull out the phone to text him, she eyed a suspicious looking man next to her, immediately clutching her purse close to her chest as she watched Finn's every movement.

She was just wondering if the suspicious looking man next to her was figuring out the best way to mug her when she noticed Finn had started moving towards the door nearest him. Relieved, Rachel started dodging and weaving through the crowd to get out, still keeping an eye on Finn. She pushed her way out, determined to make Finn hear her and get her precious Blackberry back. The thought that Will might be calling her _right now_ and she wouldn't be there to answer it made her sick and gave her the strength she needed to push a tourist wielding a large suitcase out of the way as she bolted up the stairs. Ordinarily, she'd apologize, but Finn was already above ground and if she didn't get up there soon, she'd have no idea which way he went.

Fortunately, his height once again worked to her advantage as she emerged above ground and saw that he'd started heading up Central Park West. She strode after him, uselessly calling out his name. "Finn!"

His long strides meant she was unable to catch him until he paused outside a building a few blocks up before heading inside. Surprised, Rachel also paused in front of the elegant mansion, wondering what Finn was doing inside. Curious, she stared at the plaque next to the doors, denoting the mansion as _The Brandon School._ Understanding dawned when young children started pouring out of the school, all wearing navy blue blazers with red piping and dark grey pants or skirts. Finn being inside could only mean one thing.

Cornelius was in the building.

Anxious to see the child who'd been calling her day and night, she stayed rooted to the spot as her eyes remained trained on the door, trying to guess which child was Cornelius. None of the children emerging seemed to match the voice she'd so often heard in her ear, although the young boy ripping his blue and red striped tie off and throwing it at what Rachel assumed was his nanny had possibilities.

Finn emerged after a few minutes and she stared in confusion as he appeared to be alone. Determined not to lose her chance, she marched up the steps, prepared to switch phones right then and there. "Finn!"

"Rachel!" Shocked, Finn stared at her as his eyes darted nervously back into the building. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," she replied as kids streamed out of the building around them. "I've been following you since you left Starbucks. You-"

"You really shouldn't be here," he insisted, his eyes once again looking over her head and back into the building.

"But you-" she tried again as he took her elbow and pulled her away from the door. She glanced down at the hand holding her elbow, then at the kids swarming around them, lowering her voice to a whisper. "If you're doing a mafia deal, this is hardly the place. There are children around!"

"Would you stop it with that?" he snapped, still holding onto her elbow. "I told you I'm not in the mafia!"

"Well how am I supposed to know? You hightail it out of Starbucks after one phone call. Although based on the fact that this appears to be quite the snooty school, I can only presume that Cornelius is nearby," she huffed. "That reminds me. You took-"

"_I'm ready to go, Doofus." _

Elated that she was right, Rachel peered around Finn to see a tall boy about six years old dressed in The Brandon School uniform. Like Finn, his thick blonde hair was messy, although _unlike_ Finn, Cornelius' hair appeared to be carefully styled that way. She stared at him, noting that his bright blue eyes were currently fixed on her, his face a mask of dislike.

He took a step closer to Finn, his voice laced with suspicion. "Who's this, Finn? Why are you talking to a _girl_?"

Finn cleared his throat before speaking. "Um…this is my friend, Rachel."

"You're friends with a _girl?_" Horrified, Cornelius stared up at Finn, his voice full of accusation. "_Why_?"

Finn laughed. "Give it a few years, Lil' C and you'll understand why."

"I'm very pleased to meet you, Cornelius," Rachel said brightly, holding out her hand.

Cornelius ignored the outstretched hand, glaring at Rachel before turning back to Finn. "Your girlfriend has a big nose, Doofus."

"She doesn't have a big nose!" Finn replied automatically. "It's- hey! She's not my girlfriend!"

"Yes she is. Your face gets even stupider when you look at her," Cornelius insisted, giving Finn a kick to the shins for good measure. "I bet you want to kiss her. Gross."

"I do not!" he retorted, his face going scarlet.

"Do too!" Cornelius taunted. "You _loooove _her and want to _kiiissss _her."

"Can we just go now?" Finn asked desperately, anxious to get Cornelius off the topic of kissing, especially since he'd been wondering what it would be like to kiss Rachel. He bet she used a lot of tongue.

"Good idea. Where are we going?" Rachel asked. Not about to miss an opportunity to find out exactly what Finn was up to, she looked from Cornelius to Finn expectantly. The child looked horrified, while Finn's eyebrows quirked up in a way that she was beginning to find endearing.

"She can't come!" Cornelius cried, glaring at Rachel again. "She's got girl cooties!"

"I assure you I don't have girl cooties," Rachel retorted. "I'm cootie free. So where are we going?"

Cornelius scowled and tossed his backpack at Finn, stomping off down the street. Finn glanced at Rachel for a moment before hurrying after him.

"Finn, wait!" Rachel cried, running after him. "I still don't know where we're going!"

She managed to catch up to Cornelius and Finn as they waited for cars to pass so they could cross W. 71st. "You two walk too fast," she accused. Her eyes immediately registered Cornelius' little hand being held in Finn's large one and she blushed, remembering how it felt to have her own hand tucked into Finn's.

"Tell your stupid girlfriend she _can't_ come," Cornelius demanded, looking up at Finn.

Finn rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. "I told you, she's not my girlfriend. And she's not stupid."

"I'm _not _stupid," Rachel added. "I happen to be a Broadway actress."

Cornelius was obviously unimpressed with this, since he scowled up at Finn again. "I don't want her to come."

"Well Finn wants me to come, so I'm coming," Rachel announced, smiling brightly. "Isn't that right, Finn?"

He smiled at her, a fact which didn't go unnoticed by Cornelius, if his deepening scowl was anything to go by. "I _knew _she was your girlfriend."

The traffic eased up, allowing Cornelius to drag Finn across the street and away from Rachel. Undaunted, she followed them, easily falling into step beside them.

"So are either of you going to tell me where you're going that's so great I'm not allowed to come?" she asked, looking up at Finn.

Cornelius ignored her, pulling Finn faster down Central Park West.

Fortunately for Rachel, Finn didn't seem to want to ignore her, smiling down at her as she marched determinedly next to him. "We're going to the Museum of Natural History."

"Oh!" Rachel exclaimed, clapping her hands excitedly. "I've never been!"

"We're going to see the dinosaurs," Cornelius announced. "My mom _said_."

"Well that's nice. I heard they have lovely diamonds and sapphires at the museum," Rachel added excitedly. "If I remember what I read correctly in my New York guide book, the Star of India, which is the world's largest sapphire, is housed there. We could go see that."

Cornelius paused, the scowl returning to his face. "_No._ We're only going to see the dinosaurs."

"I'm sure we'll have time to see the Star of India too," Rachel replied, slipping her hand into Finn's free hand, a move that didn't go unnoticed by Cornelius. "Let's go."

"Your stupid girlfriend can't hold your hand!" Cornelius pouted; his free hand on his hip. "She's allowed to cross the street by herself!"

"Maybe she's not, little dude." Finn glanced down at their hands for a moment, a grin on his face as his eyes shifted to look at Rachel. "Are your fingers entwined? Because I don't think it's allowed if not."

She laughed as Cornelius pulled them to the corner. "I believe they are."

Hands firmly entwined; the three of them crossed W. 72nd, Rachel spouting off random facts about the museum.

"So after we see The Star of India, maybe we could go to the planetar- why are you stopping? The museum's a few blocks further up Central Park West," Rachel commented; confused as to why both Finn and Cornelius had paused as soon as they'd reached the opposite corner.

"This is Poppy's building, stupid," Cornelius announced, stomping on Rachel's foot as he dragged Finn past the doorman and through the Porte-cochère. Finn being dragged meant that Rachel was being dragged and she tried not to gawk at the fact that she was being dragged into one of the most famous and elegant apartment buildings in Manhattan.

"Finn!" she hissed. "This is The Waltham! Judy Garland used to live in this building!"

"Yeah, its pretty cool. Lots of celebrities live here," he replied, obviously used to coming here.

"Come on, Doofus! Poppy is waiting!" Cornelius pulled a little faster, causing Finn to tug on Rachel.

"Wow," she breathed as they came to the large outdoor courtyard the building was built around. Even in the dead of winter and covered with a light layer of snow, the fountain in the center was impressive. She barely had time to take in the impressive architecture before she was being pulled again. She stared around in amazement as Cornelius made a left, heading for one of the corner entrances. She gripped Finn's hand with both of her own as she tried to look like she too was used to coming to the ultra exclusive building. "I've read about this place, you know. No two apartments are exactly alike and its renowned for the fact that every apartment has windows that overlook both the central courtyard and the street or Central Park, depending on what side of the building you're on. And furthermore-"

"You talk too much," Cornelius announced, once again stomping on her foot.

"Ow! What's with you stomping on my foot?" Rachel demanded, hopping on one foot. "I need that foot to dance!"

"Be glad it's not your shin," Finn muttered. "He's got a powerful kick."

Cornelius let go of Finn's hand to run the final few steps to the entrance, leaving Rachel with a new fear. "Poppy's not famous; is he?"

"About the only thing Poppy's famous for is being a pain in the ass," Finn commented darkly, rolling his eyes as he led Rachel towards the entrance. "You'll see."

"Can I assume since Cornelius has led us to the front left corner that Poppy's apartment overlooks the park?" Rachel asked excitedly. "Does he have any famous neighbors?"

"Uh, I think it does." He scrunched his brow in thought as he considered her questions. "I try not to spend too much time here so I don't know about the neighbors."

"So why are we here? I thought we were going to the museum?" she questioned, as they climbed the few steps. Cornelius had already disappeared inside and she spied him near the elevators as Finn led her inside the luxurious lobby. "Not that I'm complaining. Did you know that each side of the building has its own lobby? That's how I knew where Poppy's apartment would be."

"You work as a tour guide in a past life or something?" He smiled down at her.

"I told you. I own a copy of _Destination: New York!_ It was really very informative when I first moved here." She smiled back at him as he led them to where Cornelius was waiting by the elevators. "For example, did you know that-"

"Does she have to come?" Cornelius whined, looking up at Finn. "She doesn't shut up."

"Well of course I'm coming," Rachel huffed. "I'm certainly not going to wait in the lobby; although given the fact that this is a celeb friendly building it might not be a bad idea. Oh! Maybe Liza Minelli, Judy Garland's daughter, lives in her old apartment. I bet I could- _Ow!_"

Cornelius' foot once again stopped her mid-sentence. He turned to Finn, glaring. "Your stupid girlfriend talks more than Donkey from _Shrek_."

"She's _not_ my girlfriend!" Finn exclaimed, running his free hand through his hair in exasperation.

"You're holding her hand, Doofus," Cornelius pointed out accusingly. "And we're not even crossing the street."

"I do _not_ talk more than Donkey!" Rachel cried. "If anything, I'm Princess Fiona."

"Princess Fiona is bossy like you, but she doesn't talk more than Donkey," Cornelius replied, debating her words.

"Princess Fiona is not bossy! She's just a modern woman who knows what she wants. I hardly think that qualifies her as-"

"Shut up, Donkey!" Cornelius responded, attempting to step on her foot again.

Rachel anticipated it this time, expertly dodging it by ducking behind Finn. Undaunted, Cornelius quickly kicked Finn's shin.

"Whoa! Dude! I didn't do anything!" Finn exclaimed, rubbing his shin with his free hand. "Donkey said it, not me!"

"_Finn!_" Rachel screeched, smacking his arm. "I am _not_ Donkey!"

"Yes you are," Cornelius decided as he pressed the elevator button repeatedly. The ding of the elevator sounded and he stepped back as the doors opened, revealing a white gloved elevator bellhop. Cornelius stepped inside, directing his next words at the bellhop. "Take me to Poppy's, Joseph."

"In a minute, Master Cornelius. We need to wait for Mr. Finn and his lady friend," Joseph responded kindly, gesturing to Finn and Rachel still outside the elevator.

"That's Donkey, Joseph. She's Finn's _girlfriend_," Cornelius announced, a disgusted look on his face. "He wants to kiss her."

"I am not Donkey!" Rachel cried, horrified that she'd been introduced to a stranger as _Donkey_. She ignored the fact that Finn had turned scarlet next to her as she properly introduced herself to Joseph. "I'm Rachel. Rachel Berry."

"Nothing wrong with a little kissing, Master Cornelius. Well Ms. Rachel, are you and Mr. Finn going to join us in the elevator?" He gestured to the elevator, empty save for Cornelius and himself.

Rachel hesitated, unsure of what they were actually doing here. "Umm…"

Finn chuckled; pulling his hand from Rachel's to put his hand on the small of her back as he led her into the elevator. Joseph closed the doors and immediately pressed the button for the 7th floor. Finn's hand moved from the small of her back to rest around her shoulder, his lips near her ear. "At least you're an animal. He calls me Doofus."

Rachel laughed, her hand coming up to grab the hand hanging off her shoulder. "Well if I'm Donkey, that makes you Shrek."

"Shrek, huh?" He laughed, leaning close to her ear again. "What does that make Cornelius?"

She looked up at him, a grin on her face. "If I'm Donkey and you're Shrek, Cornelius is Lord Farquaad of course."

"I'm _not_ Lord Farquaad, Donkey!" Cornelius exclaimed angrily.

"Yeah, he's really more of a Gingy," Finn added, his voice grave but his eyes showing merriment. "I heard he knows the Muffin Man."

Cornelius' eyes narrowed, clearly torn between kicking Finn and stomping on a discreetly laughing Rachel.

"Gingy, huh? Where's your cute gumdrop buttons?" Joseph teased as the elevator stopped at the 7th floor.

Cornelius glared at them, his arms crossed as he waited for the doors to open. He stomped out the moment he was able to, Finn pulling Rachel out of the elevator to follow.

Rachel's eyes grew wide as she realized she was standing in a private foyer. Cornelius had made a beeline for the door on the left, pulling a chain with a key attached from around his neck. Expertly, he put the key in the lock, opening the door wide and running in.

Finn sighed, tugging Rachel towards the door. "Let's get this over with."

"Get what over with? What are we doing here?" she whispered, trying not to gawk at the ornate apartment she found herself being pulled into. She was only in the _hallway_ and her mouth was ready to drop. This was totally the type of apartment she planned on living in when she became famous.

"You'll see." He pulled her further into the apartment, letting her glimpse elaborate rooms.

Cornelius had disappeared, making her wonder what was going on. She gulped, holding Finn's hand tighter. "Are you luring me to my death? Because I think you should know that I carry a rape whistle."

He laughed, a rich timbre echoing through the silent apartment. "I think you'll be ok."

"_That you Boy?"_

Finn's laughter ceased immediately and he rubbed the back of his neck as he stared down at Rachel. "Whatever you do, just watch out for the cane."

"What? What does that mean?" Rachel cried, mystified.

"Exactly what I said. Watch out for the cane," he hissed as footsteps were heard coming from a room nearby.

Rachel barely had time to ponder his words before an elderly man wearing a track suit appeared to her left. Finn's mysterious words immediately became clear as her eyes fell on the cane being wielded in his right hand and she shifted uncomfortably.

The elderly man came to a stop in front of them, his free hand pulling a large pocket watch out of the pocket of his black tracksuit. "You're late Boy."

Finn rubbed the back of his neck. "Cornelius stayed after school and I had to take the subway here…"

"I haven't heard excuses this lame since I was a juror at the Nuremburg Trials," the tall man decreed, banging his cane on the hardwood floor. "Where's my grandson?"

"Here I am, Poppy!" Cornelius announced, suddenly emerging from the recesses of the apartment. To Rachel's amusement, he'd ditched his school uniform for an exact mini replica of his grandfather's black tracksuit and sneakers.

"There's my Shortman! Ready to exercise?" Poppy asked, ruffling Cornelius' hair. He turned his sharp eyes on Rachel, who suddenly felt the need to stand up straighter. "Well well well. What do we have here? I didn't know Cornelius was bringing a girlfriend from school here."

"What? No!" Rachel cried, mortified that she was being mistaken for an elementary school student.

"Shortman got an eye for the ladies already?" Poppy asked proudly. "It runs in the family, you know. Women flock to us like bees to honey. You kiss her yet?"

"Ew! I don't like _girls!_" Cornelius cried, horrified at the thought. "Donkey's with Doofus! He wants to kiss her, not me!"

Poppy's whole demeanor changed as he took in the fact that Rachel was now grasping Finn's hand with both of her own. He pointed his cane at Finn, who instinctively took a step back. "You the reason he's late? Were you two _necking?_"

"What? No!" Finn cried, the tips of his ears turning pink. "I told you, Cornelius-"

"I'm Rachel. Rachel Berry," Rachel announced quickly, just in case Cornelius insisted on calling her Donkey again. "And I assure you, I would never make anyone late like that."

"Berry?" he asked; his eyes still boring into her. "I knew a Herb Berry when I was a boy. He was a runner for the Jewish Mafia. Got run down by a milk truck in the fall of '41. You any relation?"

Rachel flushed as she watched Finn's face light up at the mention of her possible mafia connections. "No, I don't think so."

"You sure? Berry's not a common name and he was tiny like you. We used to shove him in the mailbox."

"I'm positive. I think I would know if I had a relative run down by a milk truck," she said firmly, hoping he dropped it. She could see Finn smirking out of the corner of her eye and she just _knew_ he was waiting to make a smartass comment about it. "Are we ready to go to the museum? I believe it closes at 5:45 and it's almost 5 now."

"Don't you know _anything_? We have to exercise first, Donkey," Cornelius replied, stomping on her foot before leading his grandfather away.

"But the museum is going to close!" Rachel turned to Finn, her eyes demanding answers. "How am I going to see the Star of India? We'll hardly have time to see that, Lucy the skeleton _and_ the dinosaurs!"

Finn arched an eyebrow. "First of all, you need to relax. The museum is open late tonight. I have to have a personal training session with Cornelius first unfortunately, then we can go."

"Isn't he like six? Does he really need a personal training session?" Rachel asked skeptically. "I would think that would be bad for him at that age."

"Not that Cornelius. Poppy's name is Cornelius also. I guess he's Cornelius Senior," Finn whispered as he led Rachel down the hall. "Although I prefer to think of him as the pain in my ass."

"He can't be Senior unless he's little Cornelius' father," Rachel corrected. "Which he's not."

"Oh. Well I call him Senior anyway." He shrugged, giving her that half grin she'd told Kurt was adorable.

"So what am I supposed to do?" she asked, her voice a low whisper. "Am I supposed to work out too?"

"Well I'm sure you could get in a quick mafia run," he commented slyly. "Since it seems to be the family business. No wonder why you knew so much about how the mafia is run. _The Sopranos _my ass."

"Finn! I am not now nor I have ever been in the mafia!" she hissed. She _knew_ he wasn't going to let that mafia comment slide.

Finn quirked an eyebrow. "I'm afraid I can't believe that. Bet you left him off that family tree you gave me before."

"I did no such thing. I provided you with a thorough family history, unlike you who could only put a question mark and the words _somehow related to Mom _next to a family member named Roger. That Berry in his story is no relation of mine, I promise you." She paused, trying to change the subject. "Where exactly are we going?"

Finn stared down at her, a grin on his face as he turned the corner and led her down yet another hallway. "What's your mafia name? Babyface Berry?"

"As I am not presently in the mafia, that is _not_ my name, nor will I answer to it," she replied crisply. "Now where are we going?"

"Right here." Finn paused before a door, holding it open for her. "After you, Babyface. You packing heat? Cause any weapons need to be left at the door."

"Very funny." Cautiously, she stepped inside, her mouth once again dropping open. While she considered herself lucky to be able to fit her elliptical into her apartment, Poppy's apartment was large enough to devote an entire _room_ to fitness. Various pieces of exercise equipment were scattered around the room, creating an impressive home gym. Young Cornelius evidently worked out here also, judging by the fact that almost every piece of equipment had a matching child sized version next to it. She giggled at that, noting that while the adult machines were made of dark metal, the child versions were bright and cheerful primary colors.

Cornelius, young and old, was over by the trampolines, the elder watching as the younger demonstrated how high he could bounce. Finn immediately headed that way, dragging Rachel with him.

"About time, Boy," Poppy barked.

He cast a suspicious eye on Rachel. "That girl better not be exercising. I'm not getting sued if she gets hurt using Shortman's equipment."

"Donkey can't use my stuff!" Cornelius cried; pausing mid bounce and clutching the support bar on his child sized trampoline protectively.

"_That girl_ has a name," Rachel replied pointedly, mortified that Poppy figured she'd need to use the child size equipment. "It's Rachel. And while I enjoy an intense workout, I'm certainly not dressed for it, so I will not be receiving the rigorous workout I'm sure Finn could give me."

Poppy glared at her. "Well save those _rigorous_ workouts with Finn for your own time."

Rachel blushed scarlet as she realized her unintended innuendo. "I assure you I meant workout as in exercise!"

"She can't use my stuff," Cornelius stressed, blissfully unaware of why both Rachel and Finn wore matching faces of embarrassment.

"Don't worry, Lil' C, she's not," Finn assured him. "This is man's work. Rachel's just gonna watch. Why don't you go tell Carlotta to get the drinks ready?"

Cornelius stepped off the trampoline, glaring at Rachel. "Don't touch my stuff, Donkey."

"Sorry, Rach." He rubbed the back of his neck as he grinned at her. "Turn around."

"What? I'm not even allowed to watch?" Rachel cried. "What kind of exercising are you doing?"

"Would you just turn around?"

"I don't see why I can't watch," she demanded.

"Got yourself a feisty one there, Boy," Poppy commented. "Used to date a girl like her back in '38. Or maybe it was '39. No, I think it was '38. Always wanted to take charge of our dates. Tried to get me to shave my mustache but I refused. Told her that Cornelius Wilhelm S-"

"Yeah, that's great, Senior," Finn cut in before looking back at Rachel and forcibly turning her around.

"Finn! What are you…oh." Realization set in as she felt Finn remove his backpack that she'd totally forgotten she was wearing.

"I'll be right back. I'm just gonna go change," he announced, holding the backpack in one hand as he gestured to a nearby couch with the other. "You can sit there, Rach."

"Finn!" she hissed, grabbing his arm to pull his head close to her. "You're just gonna leave me here with _him_?"

Finn glanced over at Poppy, who'd resumed the debate with himself over what year he'd dated the feisty girl. "You'll be fine. I'll be back in like two minutes."

"I'm coming with you," she announced loudly. No way was she being left in a strange apartment alone with an even stranger man, even if it was in The Waltham.

"And let you two _exercise_ in my spare bedroom? I don't think so. Sit down, Girl." Poppy pointed firmly to the couch with his cane.

Rachel eyed the cane warily, Finn's earlier words running through her head. Reluctantly, she accepted the hand squeeze Finn was giving her and sat down on the couch, choosing the end furthest away from Poppy. "Hurry back, Finn."

"I'll be quick," he promised, flashing that smile and scurrying out of the room.

"Well Girl, looks like you're in luck since Finn likes them bossy," Poppy observed. "Got the leash tight, don't you?"

"I don't have a leash on Finn," Rachel replied primly as she unbuttoned her coat. "We're just friends."

"Guess you wear the pants in that relationship?" he asked knowingly. "In my day a woman's place was in the kitchen."

"Well those days are over, Cornelius," she retorted. "I support myself and have for several years."

"I used to know a girl like you." He eyed her as Finn came back in the room now dressed in track pants and a white t-shirt. "She drove all the men away with her bossiness. Turns out she was one of them lesbians."

Rachel gasped. "Being bossy has nothing to do with lesbianism! Studies have shown that-"

"Uh…you ready to work out, Senior?" Finn asked quickly, hoping to stop the argument he could see coming. He could tell by the look on Rachel's face that she was fully prepared to whip out the charts and diagrams to prove her point and while it would be funny to see her go up against Poppy, he really just wanted to get this over with.

"I've been ready, Boy! You're the one fooling around with your crazy girlfriend!" He gave Finn's shins a whack with his cane for emphasis. "Where's my drink?"

Finn sighed. "I don't know; Cornelius went to get it. Let's just warm up while we wait for it."

"Absolutely not. You know I have to have my protein shake first." He shook the cane at Finn. "Carlotta!"

_"Coming!"_

A heavyset middle-aged woman appeared in the door momentarily, wearing the distinctive uniform of a maid and laden down with a silver tray holding three drinks, two bottles of water and a thermos decorated with dinosaurs."I have the protein drink, Meester C."

"It's about time," Poppy grumbled as he accepted the glass from Carlotta. He downed the drink, slamming it back on the tray. "I almost had to wait."

"Meester Feen," Carlotta went on in her thick accent, handing Finn a glass. She spied Rachel sitting on the couch. "Ah! You bring the girlfriend, Meester Feen?"

Finn blushed, saved from answering by the arrival of young Cornelius, who now had a large African Grey parrot on his shoulder.

"Percival wanted to exercise, Poppy," he announced happily.

"_Aawk! Time to exercise!"_ the parrot added, flapping his wings.

"Put him in his cage little dude and let him exercise in there," Finn directed, bending down to tie his shoe.

Cornelius nodded, placing the parrot in the large cage in the corner and leaving the door open for him. Rachel watched, fascinated as the bird immediately climbed out and scaled the outer cage, heading for the sea of toys on the roof.

"Oh! My drink!" Distracted, Cornelius lunged for his cup, carefully grabbing it and turning around. He failed to notice the cane lying on the floor and promptly tripped over it, sending the contents of his cup flying through the air and landing on Finn's clean white t-shirt. "Uh oh."

"Boy! You made Cornelius lose his drink!" Poppy cried. "What's wrong with you?"

Finn sighed, refraining from pointing out that his cane actually made him lose his drink. He glanced down at the red liquid staining his shirt. "It's ok."

"Ach! Take off. I clean," Carlotta demanded insistently.

"No, it's fine," he assured her, sneaking a glance at Rachel, who was still watching Percival play on top of his cage.

"Boy! Take it off! I don't want you dripping liquid from your shirt on my equipment," Poppy bossed, pointing his recently recovered cane at Finn.

Finn sighed again, pulling off his shirt and handing it to Carlotta. Rachel, he'd noticed, was no longer watching Percival, but was instead focused on him, her eyes wide as she bit her lip.

"_Woah! How **you** doin'?"_ Percival squawked, also watching Finn remove his shirt.

The famous pickup line from the TV show _Friends_ made Finn blush and he rubbed his neck awkwardly. "Right uh, let's just get started."

"Meester Feen, she want?" Carlotta asked, gesturing to the glasses.

"Oh I'm not his girlfriend," Rachel answered, her eyes looking anywhere but at Finn. To her amusement, little Cornelius had also removed his shirt. "And I'm fine, thank you."

"Finn _loves _Donkey," Cornelius announced, making kissing noises. "He told me."

"I did not!" Finn replied, blushing even more. He focused his attention on preparing the first apparatus for Poppy. "I don't love her!"

"_Love, exciting and new/Come Aboard. We're expecting you/Love, life's sweetest reward/Let it flow, it floats back to you,"_ Percival sang. _"Love Boat soon will be making another run/The Love Boat promises something for everyone/Set a course for adventure/Your mind on a new romance."_

Rachel's mouth dropped open as Percival continued to sing. She glanced at Finn, trying not to notice how nicely toned his body was. "Is that parrot singing a TV theme song?"

Finn glanced up from the machine. "Yeah. His specialty is TV shows from the 60's and 70's, though."

"My late wife Doris trained him," Poppy announced proudly. "He has a larger vocabulary than you do."

Finn fought back a laugh at the idea of_ anyone_, let alone a parrot, possibly having a bigger vocabulary than Rachel.

Rachel clapped her hands as she stood up. She'd been planning on going through Finn's iPhone for more information while she waited, but this was even better. "I _love _TV theme songs."

"Really?" Finn asked, surprised. "That's not exactly Broadway."

"I'll have you know that TV theme songs are excellent practice," Rachel replied as she strode over to Percival's cage. "Daddy would often mute the TV when the song came on and I'd sing it instead."

"What are you doing?" Cornelius asked; his voice full of suspicion. Percival himself seemed a little wary, finishing his song to slide down his cage and back inside.

"You just work out with Finn and Poppy," Rachel replied smoothly. "Percival and I will handle the entertainment."

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Oooo jealous Cornelius :) I wouldn't want to share Finn either. _**

**_I broke this chapter up because it was over 10,000 words and I hadn't even uploaded the second half . While I think I've uploaded a 20,000 word ch before, I decided to be nice and break it up. Look for part II tomorrow!_**


	8. Dino Date

_**Disclaimer: Glee is not mine**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>"Is it possible to be just friends with someone I have these sort of immoderate feelings for?"<strong>_

_** - Felicity**_

* * *

><p>"Again, Percival. Listen to me," Rachel directed, easily running through a scale. "Now you do it."<p>

"_La la la la la la la_," Percival trilled, unable to resist adding a song lyric. "_A horse is a horse of course of course..."_

"He sounds good, Rach," Finn called over, pleased when she grinned from ear to ear.

"He does, doesn't he?" Rachel beamed, letting Percival finish his lyric. She was sure his tone would be much improved thanks to her tutelage and it definitely helped distract her from Finn's bare chest. She knew as a personal trainer he'd be fit, but he wasn't overly fit like some muscleheads. Mike's body was rock hard from hours in the hospital gym but she almost felt it subtracted from his appeal whereas Finn's little bit of belly fat made him more endearing (and cuddly-she was sure of it). "I think we're ready for a full song."

Percival seemed to agree, immediately launching into song. "_Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale/A tale of a fateful trip/That started from this tropic port aboard this tiny ship."_

_"_No, Percival, let's do a duet," Rachel urged. "You already sang a tropical one, remember? That means it's my turn to pick. Let's do _All in the Family_. I'll start."

_"Boy the way Glen Miller played,"_ Percival sang out immediately.

"Did you hear me, Percival? I'm going to sing the male part," Rachel corrected.

_"Boy the way Glen Miller played,"_ Percival repeated.

"Percival!"

"He's got to be Archie, Girl!" Poppy called over. "He won't be embarrassed by singing awful like Edith."

"_Aawwk_! I'm Archie!" Percival added, dinging the bell in his cage for effect.

"While you have a stunning voice Percival, I believe my voice suits the Archie Bunker part better. You can be Edith," Rachel bossed, watching as Percival climbed out of his cage to sit on the door. "Ready? _Boy the way Glen Miller played…"_

"_Boy the way Glen Miller played…" _Percival sang insistently, shifting on his door.

"No! You're _Edith_! You sing _songs that made the hit parade…_" she reprimanded.

"_Guys like us we had it made. Those were the days," _Percival continued, clearly just as intent on singing Archie Bunker's part as Rachel was.

Rachel gasped, furious that Percival was taking the better part. "Percival! _I'm _Archie. _You're _Edith. Now focus. _Boy the way Glen Miller played…"_

"Percival sings it better, Donkey," Cornelius taunted from his bench press. "Sing the Flintstones song, Percival."

"_Aawwk! Yabba dabba doo!" _Percival began immediately._ "Flintstones. Meet the Flintstones/They're a modern stone age family…"_

Rachel's mouth dropped open as Percival continued to sing, aided by Cornelius as he lifted his weights. The second he finished, she clapped her hands, determined to get him singing what she wanted. "Ok, Percival. While that was lovely, I think we should duet on something that complements both our voices, which is why I've picked the perfect theme song. I hope you know it."

"Of course he knows it, Girl! Doris was incredibly thorough in his training," Poppy grunted as he lifted the weights under Finn's careful supervision. "She left the TV on for him at all times. You just name the show."

Rachel clapped her hands excitedly, bouncing in place. "Excellent! Then we'll start with Daddy's favorite old show, _Green Acres_. Hit it, Percival."

Percival complied, lifting his wings once and letting out a squawk before he launched into the first stanza. "_Green acres is the place for me/Farm livin' is the life for me/Land spreadin' out so far and wide/Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside."_

Rachel immediately picked up where he left off._ "New York is where I'd rather stay/I get allergic smelling hay/I just adore a penthouse view/Dah-ling I love you but give me Park Avenue."_

"_...The chores_," Percival sang.

"_...The stores,"_ Rachel trilled.

"_...Fresh air."_

"_...Times Square!"_

"_You are my wife."_

"_Good bye, city life." _She sang this part with a flourish, noticing that Finn was staring at her, Old Cornelius and his weights completely forgotten until a sharp rap of the cane across his shins made him refocus.

"_Green Acres we are there!" _They finished together, each holding out the last note and earning the applause of Finn, while Cornelius old and young pointedly ignored them.

"Percival and I thank you, Finn," Rachel beamed. "We're open to requests, you know."

"In that case I want to hear the _Baywatch _song," he replied, curious to see if she'd actually sing it.

She wrinkled her nose. "Really Finn? _Baywatch_? Percival and I have much broader vocal ranges, not to mention much better taste than that."

"What?" he defended. "Percival sang _The Flintstones_ before!" He paused, grinning slyly. "On second thought, I want to hear _The Sopranos_ theme."

Rachel's eyes narrowed. "I will not sing _Baywatch_. That show is degrading to women."

Percival however, seemed to have no qualms about it, immediately launching into song. "_Some people stand in the darkness/Afraid to step into the light_/_Some people need to help somebody/When the edge of surrender's in sight._.."

"Percival! I thought we were friends!" Rachel cried. "How could you sing that song? Stop singing _Baywatch_ right now!"

"_Don't you worry/It's gonna be alright/Since I'm always ready I won't let you out of my sight," _Percival continued, unaffected by Rachel's pleas.

"Percival! That song is meant for someone with deeper voice than you! It's completely unflattering!" She turned to Finn as Percival ignored her and continued to sing the offending song. "Honestly, Finn. How could you make him sing that song?"

Finn waved her off, grinning at her frustration. "He's a dude; of course he likes _Baywatch_."

"Finn! Do I need to list the reasons _why_ that show is demoralizing to women?"

"Relax, Rach. I was just kidding." He gave her that smile that she was finding more and more adorable. "I did always like _The Muppet Show_ song though."

"Aaawk! _It's the Muppet Show!/It's time to play the music/It's time to light the lights/It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet show tonight…" _Percival sang, easily switching songs.

"_It's time to put on makeup/It's time to dress up right/It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet show tonight," _Rachel added, relived that Percival had switched songs. She smiled as Percival continued with the next stanza, watching Finn 'spot' young Cornelius lifting his plastic weights.

Finn looked up at her, giving her a large smile as she sang. She smiled back as she finished the song and she couldn't help but feel that his simple smile was almost as good as a standing ovation.

Not that she would know, thanks to Will and his non-calling, but still.

She and Percival easily ran through _The Brady Bunch, The Facts of Life _and_ The Beverly Hillbillies _before Percival took it upon himself to sing the theme to _The Golden Girls._

_"Thank you for being a friend/Traveled down the road and back again/You're heart is true/You're a pal and a confidante..."_ Percival sang.

Rachel's eyes lit up. _Finally _a song where she could truly unleash her singing prowess. Holding a finger up to silence Percival, she continued the song, going all out. "_And if you threw a party/Invited everyone you knew/You would see the biggest gift would be from me/And the card attached would say/Thank you for being a friend."_

"Not bad, Girl," Poppy grunted. "You've got some impressive chops there. Bossy chops, but impressive nonetheless."

Rachel beamed at the veiled compliment. Her eyes found Finn, who was standing dumbly next to Cornelius, his mouth hanging slightly open. "Thank you. Any other requests?" She glanced at Percival who was now back in his cage, perched on his food bowl. "On second thought, I think it's intermission."

She made her way over to the trio, sitting on the edge of Poppy's chest fly machine. Quietly she watched a still shirtless Finn alternate between Poppy and Cornelius. Poppy was constantly grumbling and complaining while Cornelius boasted about how heavy his weights were. "Can I have some weights? I could work on my arms."

"You couldn't lift these weights," Cornelius taunted, glaring at Rachel as he lifted his plastic weights above his head for added effect. "Only super strong guys like me, Poppy and Finn can lift these weights."

"I could lift them!" Rachel retorted. "I'll have you know I maintain a rigorous exercise program. Every morning-"

"Shut it Donkey! This is man's work!" Cornelius replied, echoing Finn's earlier words. "Right Finn?"

"Girls can lift weights, bud," Finn replied easily, spotting Poppy as he did his reps.

"She can't lift _my _weights," Cornelius boasted. "They're heavy, like yours."

"That's true, Rach. His weights are super heavy," Finn agreed, winking at her. The simple act combined with his shirtless state, made her flush.

"Told you." Satisfied, Cornelius put his plastic weights down. "I have to go to the bathroom. Don't touch my stuff, Donkey."

Rachel waited until he ran out before she stood and grabbed a weight, doing some arm curls as she watched Finn. "So Mr. Personal Trainer, how many reps would you recommend for someone my size?"

Finn glanced over at her, a smile on his face. "Well-"

"Find that out on your own time, Girl. I'm not paying him to train you," Poppy barked.

"Actually, you're not paying me at all, so I can talk to Rachel if I want to," Finn pointed out, taking the hand grips out of Poppy's hand. "Let's try some leg exercises."

Satisfied that Poppy was doing the exercises correctly, he turned his attention back to Rachel, who was still doing her arm curls. "As for you, if you're going to insist on using the super heavy weights Lil'C uses, then I think it's best to do no more than five."

"Oh really?" she asked coyly, flipping her hair over her shoulder with one hand as she lifted a weight with the other. "Is that your professional opinion?"

"It is." He grinned at her, forgetting momentarily about Poppy until the elderly man used the leg exercise he was doing to his advantage to kick Finn.

"Well in that case, maybe I better try Cornelius' weights." She picked up one of the discared plastic weights, making a show of lifting it over her head.

_"Are you using my weights?"_

The unexpected voice made them both turn around to see Cornelius, his face horrified and on the verge of tears, standing in the doorway. Rachel hastily put the weights down, biting her lip as she stared at Finn, who was rubbing the back of his neck. "Cornelius! I was just-"

"Are you using my weights?" he repeated. "You're a girl!"

"I was simply showing Finn-"

"Are those _girl_ weights?" he demanded, horrified at the thought. His voice took on a note of hysteria. "Did my mom buy me _girl _weights?"

"Apologize!" Finn hissed to Rachel. "Apologize now!"

Rachel opened her mouth, prepared to undo the damage she'd done, but was cut off by Poppy.

"Of course not, Shortman! The girl is clearly freakishly strong," Poppy decided. "Must be a man in disguise."

Cornelius clearly wasn't assuaged by Poppy's declaration since he ran over to the phone, dialing furiously. He waited a moment before bursting into a mix of words and tears. "Donkey lifted my weights!" he wailed into the phone. "You bought me _girl_ weights! I wanted _boy_ weights like Finn's!" He listened quietly to whatever was being said for a moment, still sniffling. Satisfied at whatever he heard, he hung up the phone, wiping his eyes.

"You want to use my weights, little dude?" Finn offered immediately, holding the one pound weights out enticingly. "These are boy weights."

"Are they _really_?" Cornelius asked. He glared at Rachel. "Has _she _ever used them?"

"No way, dude. No Donkeys allowed on these weights," Finn replied quickly, his eyes constantly darting between Rachel and her purse. "I don't want her girl cooties on them."

Cornelius accepted the weights, glowering at Rachel at the same time. "Don't touch our stuff, Donkey."

"Can I sing a song of your choice as an apology?" Rachel offered, trying to figure out why Finn kept staring at her and then her purse lying nearby. "Maybe-"

**_I'm a Bitch/I'm a lover/I'm a Child/I'm a mother..._**

_Oh._ Understanding Finn's actions immediately, Rachel ran over not to her purse, but to Finn's backpack, digging around until she found the Blackberry. "Hello?"

_"Cornelius needs new weights. Go get them."_

"Of course, no problem." Rachel hung up, a smile on her face as she stared at the three males and threw the Blackberry back in the backpack. Finn was shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot, his face pale, while Poppy had his usual grumpy look and Cornelius had resumed his weight lifting, still sniffling. "That was my Aunt Mildred. She wants me to make a stop at the store."

"That's a rude ringtone, Girl," Poppy grumbled. "In my day music was _music_, not this crap young fry listen to today."

"Yes, well I think I'll go now and meet you at the museum?" Rachel questioned. "Maybe Finn could walk me out?"

"Yeah, sure," Finn replied immediately, abandoning Poppy and stepping towards Rachel. He grabbed her purse, guiding her by the elbow towards the door. "You two wait here. I'm just gonna bring Rachel downstairs."

"_Aaawk! No necking!" _Percival squawked from his cage. _"Keep it in your pants, boy!"_

"Goodbye Percival!" Rachel called over her shoulder as she was led away. "Don't forget to work on your scales!"

_"Well now its time to say good by to Jed and all his kin/And they would like to thank you folks fer kindly droppin in," _Percival sang in response._ "Y'all come back now, you hear?"_

"What did she say?" Finn asked immediately.

"Go buy new weights. Don't worry, I'll go buy them now," Rachel assured him. "I kind of owe him."

"You think?" Finn hissed. "You humilated him!"

"Well it wasn't my fault!" Rachel cried, her hand on her hip. "Percival was the one who decided it was intermission! I had the theme song from _Cheers_ all ready to go!"

"Oh too bad. I like that one," Finn commented, momentarily distracted. "Wait. Don't blame it on the parrot. _You_ need to make this up to him, not Percival."

"Maybe I should make him my famous _I'm sorry _cookies," she mused. "They really work wonders, you know."

"Just go get the weights." He handed her her purse. "Go to the sporting goods store on the corner, tell them it's for me and they'll let you order without paying. Just have them send it here. Got it?"

She gave him a salute. "Aye aye, Captain."

He exhaled, leaning against the wall. "I can't believe he called her. I _knew _she'd call me immediately. You think Senior knew?"

"Of course not! He was dazzled by my superior acting skills," Rachel assured him.

"You think?" he asked, still doubtful.

"I know so." She leaned in suddenly, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. Finn seemed surprised at first, but his own arms enveloped her as she rested her face against his bare chest. His hand moved to softly stroke her shoulder.

She _knew _it. He was definitely cuddly.

They stayed like that for a moment until Rachel pulled away, a pink tinge on her cheeks. "Right. Um. I'm just going to..."

"Yeah." He pressed the elevator button, looking anywhere but her direction.

The doors opened almost immediately, allowing Rachel to step into the elevator. She smiled at Joseph before looking back at Finn. "I'll meet you at the museum. I'll text you."

"Ok." His lopsided smile was the last thing she saw before the doors closed and she zoomed downwards, alone with her thoughts.

And maybe a tingling sensation on her shoulder from where he'd stroked.

* * *

><p>Her mission to order the weights sucessfully accomplished, Rachel sat on a bench in the main rotunda of the Museum of Natural History, staring up in awe at the dinosaur in front of her. The immense freestanding dinosaur skeleton was on her hind legs, a skeleton of a baby dinosaur next to her as they greeted guests entering the museum. Since Finn and the Cornelii hadn't arrived yet, she wandered over to the plaque in front of the dinosaur, curious to see what it was.<p>

**_The Barosaurus defends her young._**

Well that hit a _little _too close to home. She backed away from the Barosaurus, Julia's words ringing in her ears. Reclaiming her place on the bench, she pulled Finn's iPhone, still annoyed she'd shoved the Blackberry back into Finn's backpack when the Bitch called. Her annoyance grew when she realized Finn had a passcode set in place, which meant that she couldn't go through his text messages and emails (simply to get a better feel for who he was of course). She tried a few combinations of numbers, growing more annoyed each time the wrong passcode message flashed. She was just trying Finn's name when the phone started ringing.

**_Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir/Voulez-vous coucher avec moi..._**

She rolled her eyes when she saw the name Puck across the top of the screen, recognizing him as the sender of the gross email forwards. "Hello?"

_"Fuck you at? I thought we were gonna hit that bar for happy hour? That fucking hot waitress is working now and I look like an ass sitting by myself."_

"This must be Puck," Rachel commented, her eyes on the door. "Sender of the gross emails."

_"The one and only. Who the fuck is this? Wait, is this the BCB?"_

"A BCB? What's that?" Rachel asked curiously. "And incidentally, what's your real name?"

_"What's your name?"_

"Rachel Barbra Berry," she announced proudly. "Now tell me your real name so I can address you properly."

_"That's for me to know and you to scream later, sweetheart."_

"Fine. If you won't tell me your real name, I'll just ask Finn," Rachel decided. "I bet it's something serious, like Leonard so you gave yourself the nickname Puck to sound cool."

_"Fuck no it's not Leonard. And I'm called Puck because my last name is Puckerman, if you must know."_

"Well then why won't you tell me?" She glanced at the door again, wondering where Finn was. "You still haven't told me what a BCB is, by the way."

_"Ask Finn. I'm sure he'd be more than willing to explain."_

"Is it George? Eustace?" Rachel pressed.

_"No and fuck no. Where's Hudson?"_

"Finn at the moment is not available, Irwin," Rachel said slyly.

_"I'm not fucking Irwin and where is he? Taking a crap?"_

Rachel bit her lip, unsure if Puck knew about Cornelius. "He is not taking a crap, as you so eloquently put it. We're at the museum."

_"What? He promised he wouldn't go to that sex museum without me!"_

"I find it hard to believe that Finn would go to a sex museum, Howard," Rachel replied crisply. "We're at the Museum of Natural History."

_"No? Ask Finn what happened Spring Break junior year. Or better yet, ask him about his bathroom buddy Lisa Anne."_

"I'll be sure to do that" she replied. "I noticed you didn't deny Howard. Does that mean your name is Howard?"

_"Jeez you don't give up, do you? No wonder why Hudson's been keeping you to himself. And no, it's not Howard."_

"He is _not_ keeping me to himself. I was just talking to Kurt before, if you must know."

_"Yeah? Carole meet the girl doing the no pants dance with her precious baby boy yet?"_

"He's _not_ a mama's boy," Rachel snapped. "Stop calling him that."

The laughter that greeted her statement only added to her ire. "_He tell you he's not a mama's boy? Hate to break it to you, but Carole says jump, he jumps_."

"I'm sure you're exagerrating."

_"Keep thinking that baby. Now put Finn on the phone."_

"I told you. We're at the museum," she explained. Technically, Finn wasn't here but Puck didn't need to know that. "We're going to see The Star of India, which is the world's biggest sapphire, and then we're going to see Lucy, one of the most complete skeletons on Earth. She's less than 4 feet tall and around 4 million-"

_"Hudson tell you about the Lucy display at the sex museum? Her boobs are a size-"_

"No he did not tell me about that," Rachel snapped. "We talk about much more cultured stuff."

_"Sounds like you could give Mama Carole a run for her money in the keeping Finn on a tight leash department."_

"Why does everyone keep saying that? I do not have him on a leash."

_"Whatever. He's been glued to that cell phone. _I bet he made your name his passcode, he's lame like that._" _

Rachel's eyes lit up. "I'd hardly consider that lame. It's quite the romantic gesture."

_"Yeah? Would you say that would get him into your pants quicker? Maybe I should try that line out."_

"Why is Finn's phone set to play Lady Marmalade when you call?" Rachel asked, honestly curious.

_"**What**? That fucker set that as my ringtone? I'm going to kill him."_

"Sorry. Gotta go." She hung up the phone, watching as it went back to its locked position and mulling over Puck's words.

_I bet he made your name his passcode, he's lame like that._

Could it be? He barely knew her so she doubted he'd make her name his passcode. Still...that was the second time she'd heard that he was glued to his cell phone because of her. She, Rachel Barbra Berry actually had a guy eagerly awaiting her texts. Husband-to-be aside (and even then she doubted it) that had **never** happened before.

She stared at the keypad. Clearly her full name was too long, but R-a-c-h could work. Carefully, she coordinated the letters to the numbers, slowly typing in 7224.

Bingo.

* * *

><p>"<em>Come on<em>! We need to see the dinosaurs!" Anxious to get there, Cornelius tugged on Finn's hand harder.

"Whoa, slow down Lil'C. I'm pretty sure the dinosaurs aren't going anywhere," Finn responded. "Besides, we have to find Rachel first."

Cornelius scowled, not quite ready to forgive Rachel for using his stuff. "_She's _coming? I thought she went home."

"Of course she's coming. She's gotta keep an eye on her man," Poppy announced from beside Finn. "She's scarier than any dinosaur."

Finn glared at him. It was bad enough he was stuck with Poppy for the hour he had to train him, but now Poppy had insisted on accompanying them to the museum to, as he put it, "prevent Cornelius from the sickening displays of affection and necking he was _sure_ Finn would be participating in with Bossy Girl."

Cornelius pulled him up the steps of the museum and through the doors, pausing almost immediately when he saw the immense dinosaur in the lobby. "Wow."

"Yeah, it's pretty cool, little dude," Finn agreed, his eyes scanning the lobby. He spied Rachel over on a nearby bench, apparently engrossed in whatever she was looking at on her phone. He frowned as he realized she was reading _his _phone, since he'd found the Blackberry in his bag when he'd changed back into his regular clothes but breathed a sigh of relief when he realized she didn't know his passcode.

"Come on, let's go see the T-Rex," Cornelius decided, trying to drag Finn off towards the stairs.

"In a minute. We have to get Rachel first." Finn pulled Cornelius in the opposite direction, leaving Poppy to trail behind them. He pulled to a stop in front of Rachel, who was still engrossed in her phone. "We're here, Rach."

She looked up, a guilty expression on her face. "Finn! You startled me!"

"I bet. Trying to crack passcodes is hard work," he said dryly.

She flushed for a second but recovered quickly. "I wouldn't know."

"Uh huh. _Sure_ you don't." He grinned at her, holding a hand out to help her up. "Did you get your shopping done?"

She smiled as she slipped her hand into his and stood. "I did."

"Who _cares_, Donkey?" Cornelius interrupted, placing his own hand in his grandfather's. "Let's _go."_

"Lead the way, Lil'C," Finn replied, suddenly feeling more cheerful than he had all afternoon. Cornelius grinned and immediately began dragging his grandfather off towards the stairs, leaving Finn and Rachel to trail behind, hands still entwined. "So."

"So I just had a _most _interesting conversation with Puck," Rachel began, making Finn tense instantly.

"Oh?" he asked casually, his mind running through every stupid thing they'd ever done together or that Puck had ever seen him do. "What did you talk about?"

"He's very vulgar, isn't he?" she commented as they strolled along.

"That sounds about right." Finn rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. "He uh, didn't mention anything embarrassing did he?"

"I'm supposed to ask you about Spring Break junior year and about some girl named Lisa Anne," she replied, glancing up at him and smiling as his face turned scarlet.

"Can I plead the 5th for now?" he begged, not wanting to tell her that story.

"Hmm. Since I'm more curious about something else, I'll let it drop for now, but only if you answer my question," Rachel decided.

"Yeah? What would that be?" he asked, wondering if Puck had told Rachel about the time in high school when he'd fallen asleep drunk at a party and woke up with a full face of make-up and his nails done.

"I refuse to believe that Puck calls himself Puck due to his love of Shakespeare and I simply will not call him that. Despite what he says, his mother _must_ have given him a proper name, a name which he refused to divulge on the phone."

"Ah, so you what to know what Puck's real name is," Finn replied, understanding immediately.

"Yes." She nodded eagerly. "I refuse to believe that his grandmother calls him Puck."

"She doesn't. Neither does his mom or my mom," Finn confided as they headed up the stairs behind Poppy and Cornelius.

"Exactly!" Rachel crowed. "So what is it?"

"Oh, so you want me to break the sacred bro code?" he teased. "I don't know if I can. I have a few questions of my own, you know."

"Really." She cast a skeptical eye at him. "And what would that be?"

He leaned closer to her. "I notice you have my iPhone. Did you or did you not crack my passcode?"

"I did not."

Hmmpf. He could tell she was lying by the way she was worrying her bottom lip, but he let it drop for now. "Alright. Answer me this then. How did you get it?"

"You took the Blackberry at Starbucks and I followed you trying to switch it, but you never heard me," she explained. "You really should consider getting your hearing checked. What if I had missed my call because you didn't hear the phone?"

"My hearing's fine," he replied easily as he leaned down close to her ear. "It's certainly good enough to hear Puck's mom call him _Noah._"

"I _knew_ he'd have a name like that," she trilled, earning strange looks from the people around her. "I can't wait till he calls again. He's quite mad about his assigned ring tone, by the way."

Finn laughed, leading Rachel towards another staircase. "I'm sure he didn't like being reminded of the time when his drunk ass dressed up like a saloon girl and sang _Lady Marmalade_ with a bunch of drag queens. He even had a feather boa."

"Now I _really_ can't wait till Noah calls," she responded gleefully. "I bet-"

**_You're simply the best/Better than all the rest/Better than anyone, anyone I ever met..._**

Startled, Rachel glanced down at her purse, rummaging through it to find the ringing phone.

Finn lunged for the phone, knowing it was his mother. "Gimme it. It's Mom."

"Well then I should certainly introduce myself don't you think?"

"Not till the party. Now gimme the phone."

"Nope." She took a few steps away from him, phone in hand, but before she could answer, she was tackled from behind. She squealed as Finn's arms wrapped around her, pinning her to his chest as he tried to wrestle the phone out of her grasp. "Finn!"

"Give me that phone!"

"Boy! You two do your necking in private! Not in the middle of a museum!" Poppy cried out as he turned around, aiming his cane for the closest leg, which happened to be Rachel's.

"Give me that phone!" Finn repeated in a slightly lower voice.

"_No_." Determined to answer, Rachel took a page from Cornelius' book and stomped on his foot, adding an elbow to the stomach for effect. Freeing herself from Finn, she ran a hand through her hair, composing herself before she answered. "Finn's phone, Rachel speaking."

_"Rachel? As in Finny's new girlfriend Rachel?"_

"That would be me," she replied, slipping into character and trying not to laugh as she watched Finn pout and rub his stomach.

_"I've heard so much about you from Finn at dinner and Kurt just now."_

"All good things I hope." She dodged the large hand trying to grab the phone.

_"Of course. How exciting that you're a Broadway actress!"_

Huh. Well at least one of her boyfriend's moms liked her chosen career. "Well I haven't really been in anything big yet."

_"Finn says you're in consideration for a lead role. We heard all about it at dinner. I hope you don't think you weren't invited, but God forbid my son tell me about his new girlfriend. I didn't find out about you until Sugar mentioned it halfway through dinner."_

"Really? I would have loved to have joined you at dinner. Finn failed to mention it." She pushed him away, continuing to walk down the halls behind the Cornelii. "I'm looking forward to the party. Kurt seems to be creating quite the affair."

_"You know, Finn didn't even tell me how you two met."_

"Oh we met at a music store when we both reached for the same Barbra CD," Rachel announced cheerfully, ignoring Finn's groan of protest. "Our eyes just connected and we stared."

_"How romantic!"_ Rachel smiled at the gasp coming through the phone. She _knew _that meet-cute would work. _"Finn must've been really trying to impress you if he was reaching for a Barbra Streisand CD."_

"I know, right?" She laughed, watching as Cornelius ran ahead into the dinosaur room. "I don't think he could even name a Barbra song."

_"Where is my son?"_

"Oh he's right here, I'll put him on. It was lovely talking to you," Rachel replied as she passed the phone over to Finn, who glared at her.

Undaunted she slipped her hand back into Finn's listening as he spoke to his mother. She couldn't really gather much from Finn's end of the conversation since his end consisted of a lot of _yeah _and_ I know _although there was one _yeah, she's great,_ that she thought could apply to her.

Cornelius had been running from dinosaur skeleton to dinosaur skeleton, pausing only to demand that someone read the name to him, while Poppy sat on a nearby bench, his eyes fixed on Finn and Rachel, ready to use the cane at the first sign of necking. Cornelius stopped near Rachel and Finn, who happened to be standing next to the T-Rex skeleton. "Read the plaque, Donkey."

"Oh, I don't need the plaque," Rachel assured him, now resigned to being called Donkey. "I know all about this T-Rex skeleton. It was originally built upright, but the scientists at the museum felt it would be more accurate to-Ow!"

"Shut it, Donkey!" Cornelius cut in with a foot stomp. "Read what the plaque says."

Sighing, she read the plaque word for word until Cornelius was satisfied. "That better?"

"Sing the Spongebob song," Cornelius demanded.

"I'm not going to sing the Spongebob song here," Rachel replied, ignoring the fact that Finn was trying not to laugh as he spoke to his mother. While she normally jumped at the chance to perform, she highly doubted it would be welcomed in a museum.

"Sing it, Donkey! You promised!"

"I did not."

"Yes, you did. You and Percival were gonna sing a song for me after you used my weights," Cornelius reminded her. "But then you left and Percival only wanted to sing that stupid scale you taught him over and over."

"Oh good! He's practicing! His tone is going to be so much better now," Rachel replied, beaming at the thought. "Maybe I'll sing the Spongebob song later, ok?"

"_No_. Now, Donkey. The dinosaurs want to hear it too," Cornelius insisted.

"He's right, Rach. You owe him," Finn added, having ended his conversation.

"Fine." She glared at both Finn and Cornelius before launching into song. _"Are you ready, kids? Aye aye Captain!/Ooooh, who lives in a pineapple under the sea?"_

"_Spongebob Squarepants!"_ Cornelius chanted.

_"Absorbent and yellow and porous is he,"_ Rachel sang, too mortified to look anywhere but at Finn. Once again, he was simply staring at her, his mouth slightly open. She continued the rest of the song, Cornelius and several other kids nearby adding in the Spongebob chants when necessary. She finished the last note, holding it out as people around her began clapping.

"Thanks, Donkey. You sang it better than Percival." Satisfied, Cornelius scampered off towards Poppy, leaving a mortified Rachel with Finn.

"I can't believe I just did that." Too embarrassed to look at the people still clapping, she wrapped her arms around Finn, burying her face in his sweater.

"That was _awesome_. You have an incredible voice and I haven't even heard you sing a real song yet," he replied, wrapping his arms around her. "You got a standing ovation from people in a museum and Cornelius said you sing better than Percival, so I'd say you're pretty good."

She laughed, turning her head to rest against his chest. "True, he's a tough critic. He blasted my rendition of _The Facts of Life_."

"You should write a scathing rebuttal," he teased, remembering what she'd told him about the 8th grade newspaper.

She glared at him as she picked her head up, smacking his chest with her hand. "Very funny."

"I thought so."

She replaced her head on his chest, watching as Cornelius ran over to another display, narrowly missing a group of important looking people who had just entered the room. She blanched, separating from Finn as she realized who was leading the group.

Her future mother-in-law.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: A day later than planned. Sue me._**


	9. Words with Friends

**_Disclaimer: Glee? Still not mine_**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Everyone hears what you say, friends listen to what you say, and best friends listen to what you don't say<em>**

**_-Unknown_**

* * *

><p>"So let me get this straight," Santana asked as she dumped her laundry on the table. "First, you agree to meet him and be his girlfriend at a birthday party then you go on a <em>date <em>to a museum? Where you run into your fiancé's _mother_?"

"No. I agreed to be his _pretend_ girlfriend first," Rachel corrected as she carefully sorted her clothes, adding a dress to the pile on her left. "That's why we met so we go could over the contract I drew up. And it wasn't a date; I simply joined Finn, Cornelius and Poppy at the museum, having never been there before. Did you know that the world's biggest sapphire is there? We went to-"

"Oh well if you have a contract, then nothing could possibly go wrong with this," Santana commented sarcastically. She began sorting her own clothes, muttering under her breath in Spanish as she flung the clothes from side to side. "Where does his mother come into this?"

"Carole just called while we were at the museum," Rachel explained, intent on sorting her laundry. "I only spoke to her for a few minutes but she sounds lovely."

"_Carole?_ Last time I checked, your future mother-in-law is named _Julia,_" Santana pointed out, her eyes immediately registering the little smile on Rachel's face as she sorted her laundry. "I meant, how did Julia come into this?"

"Oh." Rachel bit her lip as she recounted the awful moment. "Well I had just finished singing the Spongebob song and I was watching Cornelius run from exhibit to exhibit while I was hugging Finn."

"Hold up. I'm going to ignore the fact that you were singing Spongebob in a museum to focus on the fact that you just used the words _hugging_ and _Finn_ in the same sentence," Santana stated, holding up a hand to stop Rachel, a yellow lacy thong hanging limply from her fingers.

"I was mortified! Finn was consoling me!" Rachel defended as she watched Santana throw the thong on a pile of shirts. "You know, you really should separate your delicates."

"Right. Because I always have to hug Brittany after I sing TV theme songs." Santana rolled her eyes as she started an underwear pile. "What's gotten into you?"

"Cornelius made me do it! If I didn't he'd stomp on my foot or kick Finn! And who _knows_ what Poppy would have done," Rachel justified. "And nothing's gotten into me."

"You sure? Cause I think Finn had something he'd like to put in you," Santana sniped, her underwear pile forgotten as she threw a pair of red silk panties on top of a pile of pants.

"Do you want to hear what happened or not?" Unable to stand the Santana's haphazard sorting, Rachel reached over and quickly sorted her delicates from her regular laundry. "There, that's much better. I helped Finn with his laundry too and he got such fantastic results, he even-"

"Who _cares_? Get on with it!" Santana bossed, crossing her arms in boredom. Her eyes, however, held a curious glint as she watched Rachel's interactions.

Rachel sighed as she pulled out a Ziploc bag of quarters from her laundry basket. "Well like I said, I was _mortified _and Finn was comforting me. He says my performance was amazing, but the acoustics in the dinosaur hall don't exactly lend itself to an impromptu musical performance, so-"

"Rachel, I swear to God, if you don't get on with it, I'm gonna go Lima Heights Adjacent on you with just a thong," Santana interrupted, holding a thong up around her neck as if it was a rope.

Rachel gulped. "So there I was, getting comfort in Finn's arms as I watched Cornelius run around when Julia walked in with a group of benefactors."

"Wait. I thought she was some big shot lawyer?"

"She's on the Board. It's one of her charities," Rachel explained, carefully counting out the required amount of quarters. "The dinosaur hall was just redone so she was showing off the renovations and trying to pump more money out of them I'm sure."

"Did she see you?" Santana asked, jumping up to sit on the table, her laundry forgotten. Rachel flushed and looked down at her quarters, giving Santana her answer. "Hold up. You _totally_ got caught in Gigantor's arms."

"We were just hugging!" Rachel retorted. "She really didn't need to act like she did."

_Rachel paled, separating from Finn immediately, but it was too late. Julia had already led her group towards them and consequently spotted Rachel in Finn's arms._

_"Rachel." Julia's tone was cool as she looked Rachel over. "What are you doing here? This is hardly a place I'd expect to see you at."_

_"I happen to love museums." Rachel's tone was equally cool as she stood next to Finn, who was looking from one woman to the other with a look of bewilderment on his face. "We do have museums in Astoria, you know."_

_Julia laughed; using the fake laugh Rachel had often seen her use on her lawyer friends. "Yes, that little movie museum, how quaint."_

_"It's the Museum of the Moving Image and it celebrates the history of film," Rachel corrected. "It's wonderful."_

_"Oh! I've been there!" Finn added. "It was cool. That's where Puck met these two gi-" He paused, face flushing as he realized what he'd been about to reveal._

_Julia's eyes ran up and down as if she was about to cross examine him on the witness stand. "Forgive me. I don't think Rachel introduced us."_

_Rachel flushed. "Julia, this is my friend, Finn. Finn, this is Julia Chang, my future mother-in-law."_

_Finn held out his hand, only to have Julia stare at it coolly. "You two are obviously very good friends given the way you were hugging just now but I'm afraid Rachel's never mentioned you."_

_"We are." Finn stared at Rachel in surprise, noticing the steely tone of her voice. "Finn and I have been friends for a long time but you'd know that if you'd ever bothered to find out anything about my life other than where I went to school or my address."_

_"Boy! We need to leave so I can take my medicine," Poppy called out, a welcome interruption to the showdown._

_Julia turned her attention to Poppy's bench, eyes growing wide. "Is that Cornelius Sylvester?"_

_"Uh, yeah, yeah it is," Finn replied, blanching as he saw Poppy start to slowly get up, Cornelius still running from dinosaur to dinosaur._

_"As in **Judge** Cornelius Sylvester, Professor Emeritus of Columbia Law?" Julia asked slowly, her eyes reappraising Finn. Rachel couldn't help but roll her eyes at Julia's sudden change of opinion, snobbery being high on the list of things she couldn't stand. "The same Judge Cornelius Sylvester who is a former Chief Judge for the New York State Court of Appeals?"_

_"I guess so." Finn shifted uncomfortably, watching as young Cornelius almost took out a toddler in his haste to get to another dinosaur skeleton._

_"Well!" Julia's voice suddenly took on a much more cheery tone, putting Rachel even more on guard. "You must join us for Dim Sum, Finn! I insist."_

_"That's ok, Julia, Finn's really busy," Rachel replied, watching as Finn rubbed the back of his neck. **She'd** never even been invited to Dim Sum until Mike asked his parents if she could come, after they'd gotten engaged. "He's a personal trainer and he has so many clients, he simply couldn't join us."_

_"Nonsense!" Julia trilled. "You'll join us on Tuesday, won't you Finn?"_

_"Well, I…" He rubbed his neck again, unsure of what to say._

_"He's busy, Julia," Rachel said firmly._

_"Maybe we could all go now? You could even bring the Judge," Julia offered smoothly. "I'm almost done showcasing the renovations, so I can be ready shortly."_

_"Boy! You think I'm kidding? Round up the shortman and let's go!" Poppy called out, oblivious to the fact that he was being discussed. "Percival listens better than you do!"_

_"Um, well…" Finn trailed off, not sure what to do, casting a helpless look at Rachel._

_"I'm sure you and the doctor have fabulous dinner plans somewhere on the Upper East Side," Rachel announced. "We couldn't possibly ruin your night."_

_"Don't be silly, Rachel." Julia waved a hand dismissively as she stared at Rachel. "I simply can't wait to call my son and tell him how I ran into you at the museum with Finn. Funny how that's never happened before."_

_Rachel's eyes narrowed at the veiled blackmail, but she refused to back down. "I told you, Finn's busy and you heard Poppy. He needs his medicine." She crossed her arms, waiting to see how Julia responded, but fortunately Cornelius came to her aid._

_"And who do we have here?" Julia asked, still using that fake cheery tone that was quickly getting on Rachel's nerves._

_"I need to pee," Cornelius announced, tugging on Finn's pant leg and ignoring Julia, to Rachel's delight._

_"There's a bathroom nearby, but perhaps he'd like to use the executive bathroom?" Julia offered. She bent down to Cornelius' height, who eyed her suspiciously, his hand still on Finn's pant leg. "Would you like that?"_

_"You have a big head," Cornelius replied bluntly, again to Rachel's delight. He looked up at Finn. "Can we go? I have to pee and Poppy needs his power pills."_

_"I'll walk you out," Julia offered immediately, clearly having connected the link between Cornelius and Poppy._

_"We're perfectly capable of seeing ourselves out," Rachel replied firmly. "You've got your benefactors to show around."_

_"I have to pee, Donkey! Let's go!" Cornelius, his need to pee overriding his hatred of girls, slipped a hand into Finn's and the other into Rachel's, pulling them away from Julia._

_Rachel looked over her shoulder at Julia, whose mouth had dropped open in surprise. She got a perverse sense of satisfaction at Julia being bested by a little kid but she had the feeling this wouldn't be the end of it. Mike wasn't the only one in the Chang family with lofty aspirations. Julia's judicial aspirations were common knowledge, something to be discussed at every opportunity. Rachel had once tried to join the conversation, but had been immediately shut out of it and since then, she'd stayed silent. She had the feeling however, that she'd suddenly become valuable to Julia._

_Very valuable._

"I don't get why you let her treat you like that," Santana commented as she watched Rachel shove her first load into the washer. "She put you down and ignored him until she realized he somehow has connections, then she becomes your best friend."

"I can't be mean to her and give her more ammunition! She's trying to buy me off, remember?" Rachel replied as she put her quarters in.

"Yeah, and now that you're more valuable, you can demand more money," Santana decided as she examined her nails. "Hold out for more. You could totally make a killing."

"I'm not taking their money!" Rachel snapped, turning on the washer and stepping back over to the table to continue sorting her delicates. "I'm marrying their son!"

"I'm just saying. You could take their money and secretly marry Mike to really stick it to them," Santana suggested, making a screwing motion with her hands.

"I'm _not_ taking their money!" Clearly agitated, Rachel sorted her delicates with more force than necessary. "I don't want to talk about her ok? I have enough to deal with, since Will _still _hasn't called, only the Bitch and that creepy person who keeps texting about dreaming of seeing Finn naked."

"You sure that's not you?" Santana asked slyly.

"I'm engaged!" Rachel snapped, the blush on her face appearing as she thought of Finn shirtless. She looked down, concentrating on her sorting.

"So since you're engaged, I'm _sure_ you walked out of the museum and went home," Santana mocked, noticing the way Rachel was flinging her laundry around.

"No, once Cornelius camb back from the bathroom, he wanted to go to the planetarium." She smiled, thinking of how Finn had fallen asleep during the show on her shoulder. "Poppy was okay with it, so we saw the space show. I highly recommend it."

"Thirty minutes in the dark? What's not to like?" Santana smirked, watching the flush spread across Rachel's face. "Did he put any moves on you in the dark?"

"He did not. He knows I'm engaged. Finn was nothing but a perfect gentleman," Rachel retorted, looking back down at her laundry. Her smile grew a little wider, remembering how once they'd dropped the Corneli at home, they'd grabbed a bite to eat at a diner to finish hammering out their contract until Finn had escorted her home on the train, despite living near the diner. She'd protested, claiming her rape whistle was more than sufficient protection for the ride back to Astoria but he'd insisted and she didn't think she'd ever enjoyed a train ride more. Finn kept her entertained the entire ride and he'd even walked her from the subway station to her apartment building, claiming that there was always the possibility that her rape whistle could be clogged or something. Their conversation had flowed easily, Julia never once coming up, nor did Finn's connection to the Corneli. Finn had kept her entertained with funny stories about life with Puck, filling her in on the events that led to Puck singing Lady Marmalade.

"Why even go to the museum?" Santana pressed. "You could have just swapped phones outside the school and been done with it."

"I'd never been to the museum before and I wanted to go." She shrugged, as if that ended the matter.

"But you didn't know about the museum until the kid told you," Santana insisted.

"Can you just stop grilling me and hand me my delicates?" Rachel snapped. "Aren't you even going to do yours?"

Truthfully, _she_ didn't even know why she went. Like Santana pointed out, she'd had multiple opportunities to switch the phones back, but she never did, until Finn had walked her back to her apartment. She figured it was her curiosity about what exactly Finn was up to and although the identity of Cornelius had been revealed, he'd still never told her exactly _why _he'd had to pick up Cornelius from school and bring him to the planetarium. Now that she'd thought about it, he'd never told her what he'd picked up from JFK either, and she made a mental note to find out when she saw him at Bernadette's party.

"I've been a little distracted by the soap opera you've got going on," she retorted, handing Rachel her delicates. She eyed a pair of pink panties that had _Let's Get Physical_ written across the back in rhinestone letters and immediately snatched them back. "Wait a minute. Brits has this same pair."

"So?" Rachel asked, looking down at her laundry.

"The letter on Brittany's pair are just white, yet yours are silver _rhinestones_," she observed, her voice accusatory.

"So?" Rachel repeated, not quite meeting Santana's gaze. "Maybe Victoria's Secret has different styles."

"They don't. I was there when Brits bought them." Her eyes narrowed. "Did you seriously bedazzle your underwear?"

Rachel blushed. "I may have had some rhinestones left over from my cell phone case."

"So you bedazzled your _panties?_" She shook her head. "It's bad enough you bedazzled your microphone, Cosette's cat dish and collar, plus your hair brush and cell phone case. And I _still_ can't figure out how you managed to bedazzle the handle of your curling iron."

"It was easy! It only took me-"

"Save it." Santana held up her hand, a lecherous grin appearing on her face. "All I'm saying is that I can think of a much better place to put your leftover rhinestones."

"_Santana!_" Rachel hissed, horrified. "Unlike you, I will _not_ be defiling my Bedazzler by bedazzling my vagina."

"Hey, it got good reviews." Santana smirked, lost in her memories for a moment. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," Rachel replied, quickly snapping a picture of her bedazzled panties.

"Hang on. Did you just take a picture of your _underwear_?" Santana questioned, suspicion lacing every word.

"So what if I did? It's my underwear, I can take pictures of it if I want to," Rachel huffed.

"There's only one reason to take pictures of your underwear." Santana arched an eyebrow. "Are you _sexting_?"

"Of course not," she replied, not bothering to look up as she texted. "I'm simply sending a text."

**_How'd your work uniform get in my laundry?_**

"Yes you are," Santana insisted. "Don't play dumb with me. You're sexting and I don't think it's the Asian. You're sexting tall, dark and doofy aren't you?"

"He's not doofy," Rachel snapped. Her attention was diverted by the beeping of her phone.

**_ Cute, but definitely too small for me. Must be Puck's._**

She giggled at that, trying to think of a response.

**_He's a fan of pink, huh?_**

"You are. You're sexting," Santana pressed. "Is this your way of getting some since the Asian won't put out? I saw the way Paul Bunyan was looking at you. I guarantee you he won't mind being on the receiving end of some sexts. It looked to me like it's been a while for him too."

"Is that all you can think of is sex?" Rachel asked, peeking down at her phone to see Finn's text. "You really should meet Finn's friend Noah. He's you with a penis."

**_Yup, he's a big fan. Personally, I like patterns._**

"So does he like them?" Santana asked, shoving her laundry into a washer haphazardly. "And for the record, if you were getting some on a regular basis, you'd be thinking of it all the time too."

"You really should separate your hospital scrubs from your clothes," Rachel directed as she typed. She hesitated before answering Santana's question. "And yes, he said they were cute."

**_They were originally just pink and white but I added the rhinestones on myself. I think it gives it a kick, don't you? I like patterns too; they're much more fun than solids, that's why I bedazzled mine._**

"Of course he says that," Santana pointed out. "He wants to be _in_ your panties, he'd let you bedazzle his dick if he thought it would help."

"We're just friends! Why do you have to be so vulgar?" Rachel chided as she stared at Finn's incoming message.

**_Looks good. Better than it did on my football helmet._**

She burst out laughing at that, trying to picture Finn with a bedazzled football helmet. Ignoring Santana, she typed out her cheeky response.

**_I don't know. I bet you looked pretty tough in it._**

"Hello? Did you even hear what I said?" Santana snapped, watching Rachel's interactions closely. She'd gone back to looking at her phone, checking for incoming texts.

**_Hardly. I spent an entire Friday night trying to unglue the red rhinestone 'M' Kurt had glued onto my helmet as a surprise for Homecoming._**

"What?" Rachel asked; a grin on her face at the text. She could just picture a young Finn furiously trying to get the rhinestones off his helmet before anyone else could see.

"I said, what are you planning on wearing to Aunt Bertha's party?" Santana repeated.

"Oh. I thought I'd wear my black dress, since it's a black tie event." She shrugged; her fingers busy composing her text. "And it's Aunt _Bernadette_ not Aunt Bertha."

**_I bet it looked lovely. I always perform better with my bedazzled microphone, I'm sure you would have too._**

"No way. You are _not_ wearing that ruffled monstrosity that looks like you stepped out of a bad 80's movie," Santana decided, throwing her laundry that was still on the table back in her basket before doing the same to Rachel's. "You were supposed to throw that dress out, along with the one that looks like the dress Amish women wear."

"What are you doing? That's all sorted and ready for the machine!" Rachel cried, horrified that her hard work was being ruined. She huffed slightly. "I don't know why you hate that black dress so much."

"Forget laundry, we've got some shopping to do," Santana directed. Her eyes scanned the Laundromat, falling on the young boy looking bored behind the counter. "Hey kid!"

"If the machine ate your quarters, it's not my problem lady," he replied in a bored voice, going back to the comic book he was reading.

Santana snapped her fingers to get his attention. "I'll give you fifty bucks to watch these two machines and transfer the clothes to the dryer when they're done, plus watch these two laundry baskets of clothes. Got it?"

"Whatever." The boy nodded, holding his hand out for the money. Santana dug into her purse, holding the fifty just out of his reach. "Just an FYI. My friend and I know _exactly_ how many pairs of panties and bras we have between us, so don't go thinking you can swipe a pair to convince your loser friends you scored while you play video games in the basement on Friday night. I'm subtracting five dollars for each pair of underwear or bra that goes missing when we pick our laundry up and I better not see any being sold to your friends." She paused. "Unless it's the bedazzled pair. You can sell those."

"Santana!" Rachel cried as Santana grabbed her hand and started to pull her towards the door. She glanced over her shoulder at the boy, who'd gone back to his comic book. "I _swear_, if my clothes aren't here when we get back-"

"It'll be an improvement," Santana finished for her. "Now come on. If you're gonna do this, you're gonna do it right."

* * *

><p>"Are you finally ready?"<p>

"Not yet. Perfection takes time." Puck critiqued the team assembled on the screen for a moment. "And I'm telling you it's true. Girls are more likely to put out if you bring them to an Italian restaurant. You know, sharing spaghetti and all that shit. German restaurants don't get them as horny."

"That's the stupidest thing I ever heard," Finn replied, rolling his eyes but secretly wondering if he brought Sugar to a German restaurant would she leave him alone. "Will you just finish making your dream team so I can kick your ass before Sam gets here with the food?"

"Not gonna happen. You haven't beaten me since my injury plagued season two years ago," Puck boasted. "And if you don't believe me about the restaurants, ask a girl. Oh wait. You don't know any."

"Shut up," Finn cleverly retorted, flicking a beer cap at Puck. Bored waiting for Puck to perfect his team, he pulled out his phone.

**_Settle a debate. Puck says that girls get more turned on at Italian restaurants than German ones. Is that true?_**

"Where the fuck is Evans with the food? I'm _starving,_" Puck griped as he analyzed his choice. "And what the fuck are you doing playing with your phone? You better not be looking up cheats."

"I'm sending a text, dipwad." He looked down at his phone, smiling when he realized Rachel had responded.

**_That's easily the stupidest thing I've ever heard. While certain foods are known aphrodisiacs, I've never heard of the food of an entire culture being a turn off, unless you don't like the food; then I suppose it would be. I personally, abhor Indian food, so I suppose that would be turn off if a man took me to an Indian restaurant on a date but that doesn't mean that Indian food as a whole is a turn off to all girls. Does that settle your debate? _**

Hell no. Her answer left him scratching his head since the only thing he got out of it was that she thought it was stupid, but that could just be her.

**_Thanks. So what are you doing?_**

Whatever she was doing was probably a hell of a lot better than what he was doing. Puck had come over for their NBA2K12 tournament but a recent loss to Sam had forced him to retool his team, which meant that Finn was stuck sitting on the couch with a beer watching as Puck hemmed and hawed over the merits and contributions of each player.

**_Shopping for a dress for the party, since Santana says my dresses are atrocious._**

He doubted that. As Kurt was wont to say, the fashion train had pulled away from the station with him on the platform running after it, but he thought the polka dotted dress she'd been wearing yesterday was cute. It seemed very _Rachel _and he doubted even Kurt could find fault with it, although he _knew_ Kurt was going to run a critical eye over Rachel the second he saw her. Honestly, sometimes he thought Kurt made up his criticisms and he wouldn't put it past him to do it with Rachel. He'd had to listen to Kurt's bitching about his shirt last week, but he still didn't see how the hell a shirt could be the wrong shade of black. And for that matter, how could the shape of his ears possibly determine whether or not he could wear pinstripes?

**_I liked the dress you were wearing yesterday. Why don't you just wear that?_**

He hoped she'd agree. That dress clung to her in all the right places and had the added advantage of showcasing her legs. Rachel's performance with Percival had given him an awesome opportunity to stare without being a perv, although once she'd starting singing he'd forgotten about her body because he'd been blown away by her voice. How she wasn't a star on Broadway already, he'd never know. He grinned as he thought of her singing, slightly jealous of Percival for getting to sing with her.

"Stop it. She's engaged," he muttered to himself, running a hand through his hair.

"Fuck you say?" Puck asked; his eyes on the screen.

"Uh…I hope your trade pays," he improvised, hoping Puck bought it.

"You bet your ass it will. That fucker cost me the game against Evans, so he had to go." He turned to look at Finn. "You done texting Carole?"

"Would you knock it off? I'm not texting my mom!" he snapped. Rachel's answer came back at that moment, which didn't help his case.

"Better see what Carole wants," Puck replied, gesturing towards the phone in Finn's hand. "And make it quick because I'm ready to play."

He glared at Puck as he checked the phone.

**_That's hardly appropriate for a black tie event. Kurt's already warned me not to take fashion advice from you._**

Damn him. Just because he didn't get excited by Fashion Week like Kurt didn't mean he was _completely_ inept. Despite what Kurt thought, he'd been successfully dressing himself for years.

**_Well I liked it._**

"Dude!" Puck snapped his fingers to get Finn's attention. "Put the phone down and let's play! Evans just texted me and he's on his way with the food so I've got time to kick your ass before I kick his."

"Finally," Finn grumbled as he tossed his phone on the table and grabbed his controller. "I've been ready for the last half hour."

"That's cause your team sucks no matter what you do to it," Puck replied. "So a mid season trade like I just made wouldn't help you."

"We'll see," Finn retorted as they began the game.

They managed to play through the first half with minimum trash talk and claims of cheating. Fortunately, Rachel didn't text at all, so he was able to fully concentrate on the game at hand. Puck's mid season trade wasn't working out as well as he'd planned, so Finn was actually able to maintain a sizeable lead.

Puck soon benched his new players to teach them a lesson, which meant that he was able to cut Finn's lead in half by the middle of the fourth quarter, a fact he chose to rub in Finn's face frequently.

"Time out, dude. I have to take a shit," Finn announced, pausing the game to the protests of Puck.

"Seriously? We're right in the middle of a game!" Puck cried; his player paused mid dunk. "I thought we made the rule that all dumps have to be taken during halftime after Evans got scored on while he was in the crapper."

"You started the game again without me!" Sam accused as he placed the buckets of chicken on the coffee table. "My guy got an ankle injury and was limping for the rest of the game!"

"Should've crapped before you came over," Puck replied, pulling the cover off of one of the buckets.

"That loss cost me the playoffs!" he cried, glancing at Finn for backup and frowning when he realized Finn was checking something on his phone and not really paying attention.

"You'd been in the can for over a half hour," Puck pointed out as he grabbed a piece of chicken out of the bucket. "Standard video game rules. Any crap over a half hour and your controller is fair game."

"I was under the 30 minute mark and you know it!"

"Not this again, Evans. You _know_ Finn's Batman clock is the official time and it said you were in there for 31 minutes," Puck replied, pointing to the clock on the wall with a chicken leg.

"You moved the hands of the Batman clock!" Sam insisted. "Finn?"

"Hey, Batman's the timekeeper not me. You two battle this out while I'm taking a crap," Finn announced. "Just try not to break my couch like last time."

"There's only two minutes left in the quarter. Squeeze'em together like a man and play it out," Puck directed, unpausing the game.

"No fucking way. I gotta go," Finn decided, pausing the game again and throwing his controller on the couch. He stood up, stretching his arms. "Food's here anyway. You can just eat while I'm in there."

"Fine, but don't be surprised if there's no chicken _and_ your player has an injury that keeps him out for 12 weeks when you come back," Puck called after his retreating figure. He glanced at Sam as he bit his chicken, waiting until he heard the bathroom door shut before speaking. "Actually, this works out well. I've been waiting for Finn to drop a deuce."

"Why?" Sam asked, busy selecting his own piece of chicken.

_"Very funny, Puckerman! Where the fuck are my magazines?"_

"That's why," Puck replied smirking before he called out towards the bathroom. "The fuck you talking about? All your magazines are in there!"

_"No, my Maxim and Sport Illustrated are gone. The only magazines in here are old lady ones, like Oprah and Ladies Home Journal."_

"So? I'm sure there's an article about what to do with those pesky leftovers. You better read it so you can discuss it with Carole next time you wash her hair," Puck yelled back. He grinned when the steady stream of expletives flowing from the bathroom hit his ears and he looked at Sam. "Serves him right. That fucker was texting constantly before you got here."

As if on cue, the phone Finn had left on the table buzzed, making Puck grin mischievously. "Aww look. Carole must be checking to make sure Finny ate a good dinner." He picked up the phone, intending to make fun of Finn more, but his grin grew when he saw the message flashing on the screen. "Well well well. Look at what we have here."

"What?" Sam asked, peeling the skin off of his chicken.

"Turns out someone other than his mommy texts him." He tossed the iPhone over to Sam. "What we have here is a text from the BCB."

"So? Didn't you talk to her the other day?" He caught the phone easily, glancing down at the message visible on the locked screen.

**_I got my dress for the party._**

"You can be seriously dense, you know that? We have a prime opportunity here to get more information about this woman Finn's been hiding," Puck insisted, holding his hands out for the phone. "What if she's a dog? It's our duty to get him away from that. Or, if he's hiding her because she's super model hot, then we need to see and approve so she can hook us up with her hot friends. The question is; what are we going to do about it and how can we make it happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"The dipshit locked his phone," Puck replied, trying a random combination. "You believe he doesn't trust me enough to tell me his passcode?"

"Fortunately for us, he _does_ trust me," Sam retorted smugly. "And fortunately for _you_, I'm in the mood to share. Finn's going to be sorry he didn't help me out before. Gimme the phone back." He took the phone from Puck, quickly typing in the passcode Finn had once shared before he handed it back. "How you gonna respond to the text about the dress?"

Puck smirked, glancing at the closed bathroom door before he began typing. "Don't worry about that. You just listen for the toilet flushing."

**_Yeah? Is it easy for me to take off?_**

"Wait. You need to text as if you're Finn," Sam pointed out. "He wouldn't say that."

"He does now." Puck shrugged as he threw the phone on the couch between them. The phone buzzed against the cushion and he picked it up. "Here she is now."

**_Very funny. It happens to be a cocktail dress like Kurt told me your mom is wearing._**

"Told you," Sam responded smugly, reading the text over Puck's shoulder. "What are you going to ask her about? Her looks?"

"Are you an amateur?" Puck demanded. "Look who she just mentioned! _Carole_. I'm gonna have some fun with that first."

**_It's like what my mom wears? Then I'll love it. Did I tell you how much I love my mom? Seriously._**

"He's going to _kill_ you," Sam announced as soon as he saw what Puck had typed. "Mention _Steel Magnolias._"

"Then he should have taken his cell phone into the can with him, instead of reading about how to lose those final five pounds by eating only foods that are red," Puck decided. "He really should know better than to leave his cell phone unguarded around us."

**_You mentioned that you have a strong bond, yes._**

Puck snorted as he read the incoming text. "Bond? Is that what he calls it?" He thought for a moment before typing. "Let's see what she thinks when she sees an example of that bond."

"What are you going to use? Chick flick marathon?" Sam questioned. "Oh! Mention the ballroom dancing."

Puck waved him off. "Don't worry. I got this."

**_Did I show you the matching sweatshirts we got from our mommy and me trip to Hilton Head? It's got a picture of us dressed as a Union soldier and a Southern belle on it._**

Sam snorted. "That's really pathetic. It's perfect."

Puck grinned. "I wouldn't put it past Hudson to take a picture like that if Carole wanted one."

The phone buzzed and they scuffled for it, each dying to know what the reaction would be to that. A quick shove to Puck's face enabled Sam to grab the phone, his eyebrows raised as he read the text out loud.

**_Why would a union soldier take a picture with a Southern belle? It would be more accurate if you were a Confederate soldier._**

"Really?" Puck commented, slightly amazed as he yanked the phone out of Sam's hand. "_That's_ what she focuses on?"

Sam peered over his shoulder, laughing. "Well she's right."

"Never mind that." Puck waved him off before he began typing furiously. "Let's get to the good stuff."

**_The Confederate costume didn't fit my giant body. Not like I fit in you, baby._**

"Well that's a sudden switch," Sam commented. "It's also something Finn would _never_ say."

"Don't remind me. You know how many times I've tried to teach him sexting?" Puck replied with a roll of his eyes. "He's hopeless. It's worse than when I had to teach him how to take a bra off with one hand, remember that?"

Sam nodded, remembering those high school nights spent in Puck's bedroom. Using bras stolen from Quinn and her sister, Puck had expertly demonstrated how to remove the bra he'd placed on his own sister's Cabbage Patch Kid with one hand before doling out a bra clad stuffed bear to Sam and a hippo wearing a floral bra to Finn. Sam had managed to get the bra off his bear fairly quickly and graduated to the dreaded front clasp, but Finn had fumbled, claiming the fat stuffed hippo he'd been given made it harder. His frustration had grown when Puck had announced that Finn had better get used to taking a bra off of fat things like Henrietta because no skinny girl was going to wait around while he tried over and over to unhook her bra. "It took him _ages_ to get to third base with Henrietta Hippo."

Puck waved the phone in the air as it beeped. "Fortunately, we have the means to find out just how lame he still is."

**_Excuse me? _**

"She's gonna play it like that?" Puck mused, trying to think of what to say. "She must be fantastic in bed if he's willing to put up with her bitchiness."

"Make sure you sound like he would," Sam reminded. "Don't ask her flat out how his performance was."

"Hold on. I got this." Puck began typing, his customary smirk on his face.

**_So of all the ways we've done it, what was your favorite position? I couldn't tell since you were screaming my name so loud every time._**

"I still think you should word it like he'd say it," Sam worried as he watched Puck type and send. "She's gonna know it's not him."

"Relax, she'll never know. I speak fluent Finn," Puck predicted as the phone beeped.

**_Wait. Is this Noah?_**

"I told you," Sam crowed. "Not only does she know it's _not_ Finn, she knows your name, _Noah_."

"That dipshit must have told her my name." Puck frowned as he thought of a response. "For that, he must pay."

**_Can't even remember the name you screamed, huh? You juggling a few guys? Cause that's not cool._**

"Says the guy who routinely juggles multiple girls," Sam commented, peering over Puck's shoulder as he typed.

"Fuck off Evans. It's perfectly acceptable for me to do it, it's like it's expected," Puck boasted as the phone beeped again.

**_This must be Noah. Finn would know that I have an Eidetic memory and would never forget a name._**

"What the hell is an Eidetic memory?" Puck asked, scratching his head. "How the fuck do I respond to that?"

Sam reread the text. "She said she never forgets a name, use that."

"That's why you're my assistant." He looked down, smirking as he typed. He paused for a moment, turning to yell down the hallway. "Yo Huds! What do you like to use as slang for sex?"

_"Huh?"_

"What do you like to use as slang for sex?" Puck repeated. "And if you tell me making love, I'm gonna break down that fucking door and beat you senseless with that _Better Homes and Gardens_ magazine I know you're reading."

_"Fuck you, Puckerman. I'm reading Ladies Home Journal."_

"My mistake." He rolled his eyes. "So out of these three, which do you like? Lust and thrust, riding the magic wand or bouncing on the pogo stick?"

_"The third one!"_

"Thanks!" Puck called back. "You can go back to finding out what those high heels are really doing to your feet."

_"I'm only reading this since my Maxim mysteriously disappeared and you know it!"_

Puck ignored Finn's response, busy typing as Sam howled with laughter next to him.

**_If your memory is so great, you should have no problem answering my question. You bouncing on some other guy's pogo stick?_**

He sat back as he awaited her answer. "There now you can stop nagging me that I'm not using things Finn would say."

**_Finn would never ask such a vulgar question outright. He'd be much more gentlemanly._**

Puck snorted as he held the phone out to Sam. "Check this out."

"Gentlemanly?" Sam grinned. "Time to correct her on that."

"You know it."

**_Yeah? He tell you about the bathroom yet?_**

Sam snickered. "He's never gonna live that down."

"Hey, he made it even more memorable by dumping her immediately afterwards," Puck replied, grinning as a text came in. "I know I trained him to hump and dump but even I thought that was crazy."

**_I KNEW it wasn't Finn. Am I correct in assuming that this is Noah?_**

"Way to go, Puckerman. You used 'he' instead of 'I'," Sam cried, smacking the back of Puck's head.

"Crap." Puck bit his lip as he typed. "But this changes nothing. We still need answers."

**_The one and only. So come on, tell me._**

"She's not gonna tell. Girls only kiss and tell with other girls," Sam pointed out.

"Figures the one time we actually _need_ Sugar she's not here. No one gets information like she does," Puck replied bitterly. "She's probably at the zoo getting her talons sharpened."

"Finn told her he moved, remember?" Sam reminded him. "She thinks he lives in Queens again and you know she won't go there."

**_I am not telling you about our relationship._**

"Really? She's taking a vow of silence? Hudson must be lame in the sack," Puck decided as he typed a retort.

**_Come on. I shared a bedroom wall with him when we shared an apartment. I've heard him jerking off so it's cool. You can tell me where you and Huds have done the nasty._**

"Dude you listened to him jerking off?" Sam cried. "That's just gross."

"I didn't _listen_. I just heard it," Puck defended. "There's a huge difference. Hudson's loud when he watches Skinemax. He's like you when you see a picture of an Avatar."

"I don't jerk off to Avatars!" Sam defended hotly.

"You said they were hot."

"I meant the _girl_ in it was hot! Not the Avatars themselves!" Sam crossed his arms in annoyance as he glared at Puck, who was distracted by the phone beeping.

**_Where is Finn and why do you have his phone?_**

"Hmm. What should we tell her? Out bra shopping with Carole?" Puck mused. He eyed the bathroom door for a moment before typing.

**_He's taking a crap while reading Ladies Home Journal. He needs to find a new recipe to make to bring over to Carole's on Monday when they watch Dancing with the Stars. _**

"Nice. You got in two digs at him in one text," Sam announced, the fact that he was impressed overriding his annoyance at Puck's _Avatar_ accusations.

"Not my first time," Puck boasted. "Here's her answer now."

**_How very vulgar of you. And for the record, Dancing with the Stars is a fantastic show._**

"Geez this one's got a stick up her ass," Sam commented. "She seems intense."

"You should've heard her on the phone," Puck muttered as he typed.

**_I'd say you could join them, but Carole doesn't like anyone intruding on her time with her precious Finny._**

"You're really sticking it to him. He's seriously gonna kill you," Sam replied between bursts of laughter at what Puck had written.

"Then he shouldn't have stuck me with that psycho Sugar so he could have phone sex with this broad," Puck snapped. **"**I was ready to shove a weight down her mouth after only ten seconds of training her."

**_Stop making fun of him for that. You know he doesn't appreciate being called a mama's boy._**

"He always did like the bossy ones. Remember how Quinn used to boss him around in high school?" Sam mused as he checked out the incoming text.

"I put a stop to that," Puck reminded him as he typed.

**_That just makes it more fun. So out with it. Where'd you two play hide and go fuck? And don't tell me the bedroom._**

"Only because you secretly started dating her," Sam pointed out. "You have the black eye in the yearbook to prove it."

"Hudson got in a lucky shot," Puck glowered as a new text arrived on the phone. "He was going to break up with her anyway, I just helped him out."

**_Wouldn't you like to know?_**

"Isn't that what I've been saying?" Puck looked up at Sam incredulously as he read the text aloud.

**_I would. And I want something good, like behind the T-Rex exhibit at the museum, although I don't think even a T-Rex could hide Finn's enormous body._**

"Finn would never have sex in a museum," Sam decided. "He's not a sex in public kind of guy unless he's drunk."

"I'd have to be drunk to go to a museum," Puck muttered.

**_His body is lovely. And considering that a T-Rex's jaw alone is 4 feet long, I think a T-Rex could easily hide his body._**

"This girl ever hear of sarcasm?" Sam questioned.

Puck rolled his eyes. "I told you. You should've heard her on the phone."

**_Spare me the science lesson. Tell me where it went down and I'll tell you where it ranks on Finn's list of memorable fucks._**

He snorted at what he'd just typed. "Let's see what she says to that, even if his list of memorable fucks is pretty pathetic."

Sam chuckled. "It's not that impressive."

"Yeah, not everyone can list a fuck in the Motta-mobile and the Motta-copter," Puck commented slyly.

Sam flushed. "Don't remind me."

"Hey, you got into the half mile club with that helicopter fuck, although technically that was just a handjob," Puck retorted as he checked the phone again. "But I'm feeling generous, so I'll give that one to you."

**_I shudder to think of what number one is._**

"Lisa Anne," Sam and Puck announced simultaneously, each nodding in agreement.

"I think it's time that the BCB knows what her competition is, don't you Evans?" Puck questioned as he typed out a response. "Lisa Anne may have been crazier than the guy in Psycho but she still put on a performance worthy of entry into the Sex Hall of Fame."

**_That would be Lisa Anne. You'd have to be damn impressive to knock her out of the top spot._**

"That's for sure," Sam added. "I still can't believe he did it."

"I know. I thought for sure he'd come running out of the bathroom when I told her to go in there," Puck commented.

**_That's the second time I've heard about her from you. What did she do that was so great?_**

His eyebrows shot up as he read the text and he snickered. His fingers flew as he began typing. "Look Sam. She wants to know what Lisa Anne did."

**_How about she ambushed him at a urinal, went down on him and then had him fuck her senseless in a bathroom stall?_**

Sam snorted as the response came back incredibly quick. "What's she say?"

**_That seems highly unsanitary. I hope she at least put a toilet seat cover on the floor to kneel on and waited till he was cleaned off before commencing her sexual escapade. I understand urinals can be quite messy._**

Once again, Puck rolled his eyes at the response before he began typing his own.

**_I'm sure that was the first thing she did. Think you can beat that?_**

He eyed the bathroom door, hoping Finn wasn't going to be finished anytime soon. It had been a while since he'd heard anything about Finn's sex life and since he pretty much taught Finn everything he knew about sex (something he either boasted about or kept quiet, depending on how Finn performed), he felt he was entitled to some details.

**_While I normally don't kiss and tell, it just so happens that I can, Noah._**

"Now we're getting to the good stuff," Sam cried. "He's been keeping all this stuff to himself for a reason. I bet she's a sex shark and he can't keep up."

Puck snorted as he typed. "Hudson couldn't keep up with a kitten."

**_I'll be the judge of that._**

"Ball's in her court. Let's see where Hudson got it on." He snickered. "Watch she says the foot of the bed."

**_I would think that sex in the workplace would certainly beat that bathroom tramp. While there was no bathroom stall involved, we did have sex on a bench in the locker room…and in the pool…and against the lockers._**

"Whoa, Finn's got you beat, Puck," Sam commented. "Don't you usually just use the shower stall?"

Puck waved him off dismissively. "She's lying. There's no way Finn got it on in the gym. He'd be too scared Beiste was gonna try and join them or worse, tell Carole what her precious baby was doing at work. I'm calling her bluff."

**_Bullshit. Hudson doesn't have the stamina for that._**

"He has been locking up the gym a lot lately," Sam said doubtfully.

"Only because Beiste banned me from doing it after I had that pool party," Puck replied as an incoming text arrived. "No way Hudson's doing that. He's just locking up and going home to jerk off alone."

**_I assure you it's true. I surprised him when he was locking up one night, wearing my lingerie under my coat. He surprised_****_ me_****_ by picking me up and holding me against the lockers, kissing me until I practically forgot where I was and the next thing I know I'm naked in his lap. _**

"That fucker!" Puck cried, handing the phone to Sam so he could read it. "He's giving me shit about fucking at work and he's doing it?"

"That's impressive, if she showed up in lingerie," Sam added.

"Wait a minute." Puck's brow furrowed as he remembered something about Finn.

**_You expect me to believe that Hudson didn't blow his load at the first sight of lingerie? He's scared of lingerie, can't figure out how to get it off._**

Sam snorted. "Tell her about Henrietta."

**_He did not 'arrive early'. Although he did rip my bustier in his eagerness and excitement._**

"Now that I believe," Puck decided. "He must've got frustrated and ripped it, like he did with Henrietta. Remember how pissed he was that he'd ripped Quinn's bra getting it off and he couldn't even tell the football team because he'd ripped it off a stuffed hippo and not Quinn herself?"

"Well you threatened to bring in pictures of him practicing on Henrietta," Sam pointed out. "So he couldn't even lie."

Puck smirked as he began typing. "He makes it too easy."

**_That makes sense. It's been a while since he's gotten any before you came along. I was starting to think he was gay._**

Sam chuckled. "I can just see him when he reads these texts. You better run."

Puck shrugged as the phone beeped. "Like this is any worse than that time he volunteered me to go on stage with those drag queens."

**_He is most definitely NOT gay. He's a very thorough and romantic lover, for your information._**

"Alright, we need answers from Loverboy now." He stood up, marching determinedly over to the bathroom door to pound on it. "Hudson! Get out here now!"

_"Dude, I'm taking a crap!"_

"Stop looking for recipes and get your ass out here now. The BCB has just informed me of all the places you've fucked at the gym."

"_What_?"

The sound of a flushing toilet was heard immediately. Puck crossed his arms and smirked as he sat back down, his eyes fixated on the closed bathroom door.

Finn came out a moment later, his boxers on correctly but his pants around his ankles as he hastily walked out of the bathroom, a magazine tucked under one arm. "Dude, what are you talking about?"

"You done reading about how to make seven meals using only five ingredients?" Puck asked calmly, not relinquishing the phone. "Cause I know you've been wondering about that."

"Shove it, Puckerman. Why are you talking to Rachel?" he demanded, yanking his pants up and almost injuring himself as he zippered his jeans.

"Careful there, Huds. You don't want to injure what little manhood you have left," Puck commented calmly.

"Why are you texting Rachel?" he repeated, smacking Puck on the head with the _Ladies Home Journal _that had been tucked under his arm.

"I can't help it if she texted to let you know she got a dress," he replied. "Just like I can't help it if you left your phone on the table unguarded."

Finn glared at him. "You should've just left it."

"It would be rude to ignore the text," Puck retorted, leaning back against the couch. "And Carole wouldn't want you to be rude, Finny."

Finn flipped him off before he turned to Sam. "You told him my passcode."

"I didn't tell him the passcode," Sam defended. "I typed it in myself."

Finn threw up his hands. "How much damage did you do?"

"Why do you assume I did damage?" Puck queried. "Maybe I helped you."

"Yeah, cause I'm sure that's what happened," Finn retorted, sarcasm dripping off of every word. "I'm _sure_ you told her all about how wonderful I am."

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't," Puck replied, tossing the phone from one hand to the other. "But what I'm more interested in was the BCB telling Sam and me all about how you two have _sexercised_ all over the gym, you hypocrite."

"She said that?" Finn asked, not wanting to add anything in case it didn't match whatever Rachel had said.

"Told us all about the bench in the locker room and the pool," Sam added helpfully. "Puck's pissed because I said you beat him when she told us about you banging her against the lockers since he just uses the shower stall."

"Can it Evans," Puck snapped. "I don't just use the shower stall. Stops on the Puckerman Sex tour have included the hot tub, sauna, aerobics room, break room and Finn's desk."

"_What_?" Finn cried, smacking him with the magazine again. "You used my desk? Why didn't you use your own?"

"Too messy. Beiste would kick my ass if she came in and there were papers all over the floor," Puck explained. "Besides, your desk is closer to the door."

"Dude! You threw _my_ papers on the floor! I got ripped a new one when Beiste saw!"

Puck shrugged. "Be glad I didn't break your chair like I did Evans."

"I _knew _that was you and not Finn's big ass like you claimed!" Sam cried. "I saw you going in there with that girl and when I went in later, my chair was broken."

"_Hey!_ What do you mean, my big ass?"

"Can we get back to the matter at hand?" Puck demanded. "Which is the fact that Finn's been doing two person pushups all over the gym and never told us?"

"I don't tell you everything," Finn snapped, making a failed attempt for the phone. "Now give me the phone."

"Nope." He tossed the phone to Sam. "Not till you tell us about this chick. And for the record, you _do_ tell us everything. You lasted what, ten minutes before you called and told us you touched Quinn's boob over the bra but under the shirt?"

"Fine. We met at the music store when we both reached for Ba- a CD. We both reached for a CD," he amended, cursing Rachel for setting that stupid story into play.

"Who the fuck cares how you met? Get to the important stuff," Puck cut in. "Is she hot?"

"You have _no_ idea," Finn replied idly, his mind conjuring up a picture of Rachel as she sang with Percival.

"So? What kind of underwear does she have? What are we talking about sexwise?" Puck demanded. "Based on her texts I'd say she's a g-string wearer or just goes commando but when I spoke to her on the phone I got the impression she's a possible candidate for granny panties."

"She's _not_," Finn snapped, annoyed by the idea of Puck even thinking about Rachel's underwear. "She wears boyshorts. I have the pictures to prove it."

Shit. He hadn't meant to say that last part, since he knew that Sam and in particular Puck wouldn't rest until they'd seen the pictures. Sure enough, Puck ripped the phone from Sam after he'd typed in the passcode, the two of them hunched over as they scrolled through Finn's pictures.

"Congratulations, Hudson. You've officially been sexted," Puck announced as he critically examined the picture Rachel had sent before. "Now let's see what we're dealing with."

Finn stilled, curious as to what Puck would say about the panties.

"Hmmm. She's definitely got a great body, based on the size," Puck surmised, Sam nodding in agreement next to him. "Either that or she's trying to shoehorn herself into a smaller size. And words on the ass? She's just begging for action."

"Her body is amazing," Finn snapped, his brain immediately wondering what that amazing body would look like writhing underneath him. His pants immediately began tightening and he flushed, trying to calm himself before anyone noticed.

"Geez calm down and tell Little Finn to calm down also," Puck directed, correctly reading the flush on Finn's face. "Now, as to the color, I'd say the pink means she's really girly, probably wears lots of skirts and dresses. What's interesting about these panties is the sequins. Having taken off many a pair of these _Let's Get Physical_ panties, I know for a fact that they don't come with the sequins."

"So? The sequins give it a little kick," Finn replied, repeating Rachel's earlier words. He sighed, knowing he was going to regret asking the next question. "What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is the fact that she _added_ the sequins," Puck explained. "Sam, as assistant Panty Detective, tell Finn what that means."

"Um…she likes things that are shiny?" Sam guessed, staring at the picture. "I kind of like the sequins."

"You would," Puck snapped. "I bet Sugar's panties were all blinged out." He turned his attention back to Finn. "You've got a real problem here, Hudson."

"How so?" He paled, wondering if Puck could somehow tell Rachel was engaged from the panties.

"She blinged out her panties," Puck explained. "That means that she's high maintenance but _thinks_ she's low maintenance. She thinks she's being cute, but really, she's telling you what she expects."

"Or maybe she just likes sequins," Finn retorted, wisely not adding that she'd blinged out her stolen cell phone and her iPod case. "And actually, they're not sequins, they're rhinestones."

"Oh excuse me, _Kurt_," Puck mocked, earning another hit with the magazine from Finn. "The _rhinestones_ prove she's high maintenance. That better?"

"Much," Finn snapped, jerking his cell phone out of Puck's hand. "Do I even want to see what you told her?"

"We only told her the truth, Hudson," Puck stated, tossing a controller to Sam. "You're up next for an ass kicking, Evans."

"Why do I seriously doubt that?" Finn snorted as he glanced down at the phone.

"It's true, Finn," Sam offered as he set up his team. "You make a trade, Puck?"

"Yeah, had to be done. I lost to _Rory_," he replied, watching as Finn scrolled through the texts. "Ready?"

"Hey!" Finn cried, jumping up off the couch. "I am _not_ afraid of lingerie!"

"Yeah you are." Puck's words were stated matter of factly, his eyes focused on watching Sam set up his team.

"I am not!" he retorted. "Sam's the one who won't buy it, not me."

"Only because I don't want to get the wrong size and be shut out!" Sam justified.

"Dude, two words," Puck responded, holding up two fingers. He lowered a finger as he pronounced each syllable. "Henri. Etta."

"You told her about _Henrietta_? How could you?" Finn cried, horrified at the thought of Rachel knowing about his bra failures. "I'd never tell a girl about the how you let your sister practice for her cosmetology license test by putting make-up on you."

"I have a good skin tone and you know it," Puck huffed.

"She did your nails too, didn't she?" Sam asked as he finalized his team.

"No," Puck replied quickly. "You ready for tip off?"

Too quickly, since Finn turned an interested eye towards him. "Is that right?"

"Yeah she did," Sam insisted. "I remember because she said she was dying to get her hands on your rough cuticles."

"Why are we talking about me? This is about Hudson's fear of the bra," Puck sputtered. "And not that it matters, but yes, my sister has been taking regular care of my cuticles since she became a licensed nail technician."

"Yeah? You're what Kurt calls a metersexual?" Finn asked with a smirk, his mortification momentarily forgotten.

"It's _metro_sexual, dipshit," Puck corrected. "Maybe you should stop reading the old lady magazines and start reading Cosmo. And for the record, the BCB is unaware of Henrietta, but only because you came out."

"Oh." Relieved, he sent out a text to Rachel.

**_Sorry about that, it's Finn again. They grabbed my phone while I was in the bathroom._**

"So what's she talking about? What party?" Sam asked, concentrating on winning the tipoff.

**_If this is Finn, how many auditions have I been on and what horrendous nickname did I earn?_**

"She's coming to my Aunt Bernadette's birthday party this weekend," he replied absently as his mind whirled, trying to remember how many auditions she'd been on. Hoping Puck and Sam didn't notice, he quietly snapped a picture of himself to send with the text as proof it was really him.

**_You've been on 263, Donkey._**

"What. The. Fuck." Puck paused the game, turning to look at Finn.

Finn, who'd been staring at his phone, didn't bother to look up, assuming Puck was pissed about something Sam did in the game. Rachel had sent back a picture herself cuddling with Cosette, holding up the cat's paw as if to wave hello. He grinned at the picture, noticing how her hair was now in pigtails.

**_It is you! Ordinarily, I'd require a photo identification, but you beat me to it. Now that I know it's you, how'd you like my improv? I debated between two different sexual stories and had I known that you're afraid of lingerie, I would have chosen the other one, but I think I covered it well. That really should have been mentioned in your dossier, Finn._**

God, he was going to _kill_ Puck. Furious, he typed back his answer.

**_Don't listen to Puck. He thinks he's funny. But yeah, your improv was AWESOME. They totally think we got it on in the gym. Puck's jealous since he's the one who always uses the gym for sex._**

He'd just pressed send when something hit him on the side of the head. "Dude!" he cried, as he glanced at the fried chicken breast that had fallen into his lap. "What the hell? I think I have chicken in my ear!"

"What. The. Fuck." Puck repeated as he crossed his arms, the game still paused on the screen.

"What's your problem?" Finn asked, his finger in his ear. "You see any chicken in my ear, Sam?" Before Sam could check, a biscuit came flying from Puck's direction, hitting Finn in the forehead. "Seriously, knock it off!"

"Since _when_ does the family meet the new chick before the bros?" Puck demanded. "Especially for a mama's boy like you. Carole may be the final round, but this chick's not moving onto Kurt before Sam and I give her the once over."

"He's got a point Finn," Sam chimed in, watching as Finn glanced down at his phone.

**_I thought you'd like it. I worried that the pool was a little much, but I think it went over well._**

Finn groaned. "You're not meeting her. Don't you think texting Rachel was enough?"

**_The pool was awesome, especially since Puck once got caught in there naked with a girl by the aquacise class._**

"Fuck no." Puck shook his head firmly. "She meets us first. We approve, she moves onto Kurt. _He _approves, she moves onto Carole. That's just the way it is."

"You're not meeting her. I'd rather not scare her off." He glanced down, grinning a little as he read her response.

**_Oh well that works then! It's just like I told you, it's all in the details._**

"Whoa whoa whoa." Puck held up his hands. "We have to hang around with her too."

Finn rolled his eyes as he typed. "How do you figure that?"

**_Yeah, he got caught by the class but I was the one who had to drain and clean the pool. _**

"Basic rule. Guy gets a chick, he starts bringing her around because she's not gonna let him let him off the leash. You think Evans and I are gonna hang around with a girl who's a bitch?" Puck replied. "So it's our_ jobs_ as the best friends to check her out."

"_Especially_ if she's hot and has hot single friends," Sam added.

Finn rolled his eyes. "Still not meeting her."

**_Well that hardly seems fair. Had I known that, I would have said we had sex against HIS locker, rather than just the lockers in general. Since I lacked a floor plan of the gym, I was afraid to get too specific._**

"Bring her to wing night tomorrow," Puck decided. "It'll be perfect. I can kick your ass and check this girl out at the same time."

"Rachel's not a wing night kind of girl," Finn snapped. "And even if she was, you _still_ wouldn't meet her."

**_It's ok. I got back at him by slipping him a laxative. He spent all day ditching clients to run to the bathroom. My boss was so pissed at him, she made him teach the Senior Citizen power walking class._**

"Fine. So we'll go to the bar instead," Puck replied impatiently as he pulled out his phone. "Or is that slummin' it for her?"

"She drinks." He shrugged. "But it doesn't- What are you doing?"

"Texting Abrams and Rory. We meeting at the usual time?"

"No. I have client at 6," Finn replied automatically. "Then I have to- Wait a minute. What are you texting them?"

"Abrams and Rory are on the approval committee now," Puck announced as he peered at his beeping phone. "They both said they can be there."

"I don't even know if Rachel's available tomorrow!" Finn insisted, his mind whirling as he tried to figure out a way out of this. There was nothing in the contract Rachel had drawn up that included meeting his idiot friends and he doubted that her fiancé would be willing to share her again. She was seriously awesome for coming to the party but there was no way he could ask her to hang out at a bar.

"So text her and find out," Puck replied impatiently. "We're meeting her. This girl's had you on the hop for a month. I wanna meet the girl who's putting that stupid grin on your face every time you get a text."

"Fine." He grabbed his phone, figuring he'd send Rachel a normal text and then just tell Puck she was busy. He stared in surprise at the screen, noting that he'd somehow missed a text from Rachel.

**_Will Noah be at the party? I'd be curious to meet him._**

Huh. Evidently the feeling was mutual.

"Well? What does she say?" Puck asked smugly. "I'm sure she's excited about meeting me."

"Actually she is for some reason." He rolled his eyes, wondering what Rachel would think when she saw him in person. "But you're not meeting her."

"I know why he won't let us meet her," Puck suddenly announced. "He's afraid she's gonna take one look at Puckzilla and fall like the others."

"Didn't we settle this with Quinn in high school?" Sam worried. "Remember? You gave Puck the black eye and he gave you the fat lip?"

"That's not it," Finn snapped. He wanted to meet her so bad, fine. Ignoring Puck's smug look and Sam's worried ones, he quickly typed out a text.

**_Funny you should ask…_**

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Huge thanks to E for having a pair Let's Get Physical panties to springboard this chapter :D_**

**_Slowly making our way up to Sleepy Hollow ;)_**


	10. The Dress Rehearsal

_**Disclaimer: Glee is not mine**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Monica: I mean, why should I let them meet him? I bring a guy home and within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, they're like...coyotes, picking off weak members of the herd.<strong>_

_**Paula:**_ **_Listen. As someone who's seen more than her fair share of bad beef, I'll tell you: that is not such a bad thing. I mean, they're your friends. They're just looking out for you.__  
><em>**

_**-Friends**_

* * *

><p>Rachel stared in annoyance across the table at <em>T<em>_he New York Times_ facing her. Behind it, her fiancé continued to read the Arts and Leisure section, completely unaware that his frequent flicks of the paper to keep it crisp were setting Rachel on edge.

He'd come home early from the hospital, calling Rachel to meet her at her apartment for an early dinner. She'd rushed around cleaning (after putting on her best lingerie), stupidly assuming that dinner meant something else. Instead, Mike had kissed her hello and announced that he'd ordered them some Sushi. She'd gone along with it, hoping Mike had some plan but once he'd picked up the Times, she'd given up and pulled out her phone frowning when she saw yet _another _text from whoever was sending Finn those creepy text messages, this one commenting on how the sender imagined playing "_with your illustrious brown hair."_

She'd stared at the message, wondering if it was really Finn's friend Noah sending these messages as a joke. Finn didn't seem to think so, but she'd be sure to ask him at the bar herself tonight. Since her fiancé seemed more concerned with reading about the American Ballet Theater's new production, she'd busied herself sending to texts to Finn, who unlike her fiancé actually _wanted _to talk to her. The texts had flowed easily between them and she grinned as her phone beeped, excited to see what he said in response to her query about Noah's relationships.

**_Of course he's single. According to him, no chick can tame the Puckzilla. Which is crap because I've seen him wear certain shirts just because a girl liked him in it. I've also recently become aware of the fact that he lets his sister do his cuticles every week._**

She giggled at that, trying to think of a clever response.

**_Aw, you guys have a girls night and gossip while getting your nails done? Or are you too manly for that?_**

"What are you giggling about?" Mike asked from behind his paper.

Startled, Rachel looked up from her phone, having completely forgotten he was there. "Nothing. Just a text."

"Oh. Tell Santana I said hi."

Once again, the voice floated out from behind the paper, annoying Rachel. Her annoyance dissipated when her phone beeped with an incoming text.

**_Despite what Kurt thinks, my cuticles are not in desperate need of attention, so no, Monica will not be doing my nails._**

She glanced at Mike, glad he'd said he was going to that symposium on neurons tonight which left her alone and free to do what she wanted. Her only concern at the moment was Mike's parents and if they'd spoken to him. She didn't think so since Julia had called several times to speak to _her_ (and not Mike) about having Finn bring Judge Cornelius Sylvester over for Dim Sum, the picture of kindness over the phone but she wasn't sure. As for Dr. Chang, since she had no connections that would be of use to him he'd been his usual elusive self, which was fine with her. The thought struck her that Dr. Chang might be at the same symposium Mike was going to and she paled. Julia might suddenly be acting nice to her but she had a feeling Dr. Chang's Rachel Removal was still going on as scheduled. Dying to know, she flicked his newspaper in an attempt to get his attention.

Sure enough, the top of the paper folded down to reveal an annoyed Asian. "_Rachel_. Why are you interrupting my reading? You know I hate that."

"I just wanted to know what time your symposium is?" she asked innocently.

"Seven and it'll probably be really late so I'll stay at my apartment tonight." The paper folded back up, effectively ending the conversation.

Undaunted, Rachel flicked the paper again. "That's fine. I'll be out late tonight anyway. Is your father going to be at the symposium?"

The paper flicked back up. "Oh. Uh yeah. Yeah he is. So what are you doing that you'll be out late?"

"I'm going to the bar," she replied, not revealing why. She glanced down at her phone, quickly typing a response.

**_Proper nail care is an essential element of good hygiene, Finn. I myself have a very rigorous bathroom routine in which step 26 is a thorough nail inspection._**

"Oh. Have fun. Santana going too?" The words came from behind the paper, something Rachel was immensely glad of.

"I'm going with my friends. Who else would I be going with?" She left it that, letting Mike interpret that as he wanted.

"Don't drink too much. I'll be leaving for Phoenix early tomorrow so I won't be there to take care of you if you get a hangover."

"I won't," she promised. "When's your flight again?"

"Nine. You going to be planning with my mom this weekend?"

Rachel was saved from answering by the opening of her front door. She turned to see Santana stroll in, fresh off a shift.

"Oh awesome, I'm starving," she announced as a greeting. "Did you get spicy tuna?"

The paper was folded down again just in time to see Santana sit down and grab a California roll. "Hello to you too, Santana."

"S'up Doc?"

"Working up an appetite for the bar?" he asked good naturedly as she shoved sushi in her mouth.

"Huh? I'm not-"

"Of course she is!" Rachel cut in quickly. "You know how much she likes to dance."

Her phone beeped and she hurriedly opened the text before Santana could say anything.

**_Whoa. I shared a bathroom with Kurt for years. I thought he was bad but I don't think even he has 26 steps. What the hell else do you do in there?_**

Santana glanced at her strangely as she swallowed and looked at Mike. "Rachel tell you about her new role?"

Mike turned to Rachel with an interested eye. "_Mary Poppins_ called? You didn't tell me!"

"No I'm still waiting for Will to call. This is...something else," Rachel replied, glaring at Santana before she typed.

**_Brush, floss, moisturize, shampoo and lather. It's really an intricate process, one that's too involved to text but if you're interested in enhancing your own bedtime routine I'd be more than happy to provide a detailed breakdown via email. It's really all things that I would hope you'd stress as a personal trainer_**.

"You play the role of the girlfriend, right Rachel?" Santana pressed with an evil grin.

"I am." She glared at Santana again. "It's-"

"How's the guy playing the boyfriend?" Santana took a bite of her California Roll, the portrait of innocence. "He's a manny in the show, right?"

"He's lovely," Rachel retorted. "And for the thousandth time, he's a personal trainer."

"A mink coat is lovely. I meant do you think he's hot? Are you working with a future Brad Pitt?" Santana asked bluntly, smirking at Rachel's narrowed eyes.

"He's a perfect gentleman, Santana," Rachel snapped before turning her attention to her phone and Finns answer.

**_Thanks but I'll pass. Bad enough Kurt's got me using this stuff for my oily T-zone along with some special scented body wash he got in Switzerland_**. _**It's supposed to open my pores, whatever that means.**_

Santana arched an eyebrow. "You didn't answer my question. Is he hot?"

"Santana!" She glared at Santana, her fingers furiously typing a response.

**_Well if it means anything, that body wash is working. I think you smell heavenly._**

"Yes or no. It's a not a hard question."

Rachel flushed. "He's quite handsome, yes."

Her flush grew when she saw Finn's incoming response.

**_Heavenly? I KNEW Kurt was wrong! He insisted pomegranate was a man's fruit. Does the fact that you were smelling me mean you were checking me out?_**

"I thought so," Santana crowed, incorrectly interpreting Rachel's blush. "Guess he doesn't have giant man boobs then, if he's supposed to be a personal trainer?"

"I wouldn't know, it's not like he'll be taking off his shirt in front of me," Rachel retorted, desperately trying to block the image of a shirtless Finn from her mind. "There's no nudity involved in this role."

Santana crossed her arms, watching as Rachel texted yet again. "You have a kissing scene in this one?"

**_I did no such thing. The pomegranate smell simply inundated my senses._**

"I _am_ playing his girlfriend, so yes." She flushed again. "But like actors do, we've come up with mutually acceptable rules for kissing."

"I bet you have. What happens if one of you violates them?" Santana probed, her eyes wide with feigned innocence. "Say he slips a little tongue in there, what happens? I'm just curious."

"That's _not_ going to happen," Rachel replied tersely. "The rules are there for a reason."

"But it might."

"It won't," Rachel replied through gritted teeth. Too annoyed to look at Santana, she checked her phone again.

**_Well the next time you're NOT _****_checking me out I'll make sure I smell heavenly_**.

Honestly. She _wasn't_ checking him out. The smell had just hit her when she hugged his bare chest. The thought immediately brought the image of a bare chested Finn to the forefront of her brain again and she flushed even deeper, annoyed that the image wouldn't leave.

**_I wasn't checking you out. I've simply been looking for a good pomegranate body wash and when I smelled yours I had to investigate._**

"You sure?" Santana stared her down, her eyes taking in the flush of her cheeks.

"Positive." She dropped her eyes to the phone again, trying not to smile at Finn's response.

_**Uh huh, right. Just like you HAD to investigate my email. Good thing Mary Poppins never lies because you suck at it.**_

Santana turned to Mike, who seemed confused by the conversation. "You going to the show?"

"It's a one night only workshop, Santana," Rachel cut in. "He'll be away."

_**I do not suck at anything, Finn. Should I choose to, I believe I could lie quite effectively. And traditionally, the pomegranate is the symbol of fertility. Does that mean there's lots of little Finns running around?**_

There. that should shut him up. Pleased at her response, she put the phone down on the table just as Santana opened her mouth yet again.

"Oh that's a shame. Or convenient, depending on how you look at it," Santana commented, popping another piece of sushi in her mouth.

"I'm sure it's not _that_ bad of a play, Santana," Mike reasoned, incorrectly assuming that she meant it's convenient because he'd be out of town and would therefore miss a few hours of torture.

"Hey!" Rachel cried, aghast at his comment. True, she'd been in workshops that hadn't had the best scripts, but that was in college, long before she'd even met Mike. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. I'm just saying that I don't think it's a big deal if I miss it since its a one night only show."

She glared at him, not quite sure if she should be insulted or not. Her indecision was immediately forgotten when her phone beeped.

_**You don't suck at anything, huh? Is that a good thing or a bad thing for your fiancé? Not that there's any little Finns running around but if that's true about the fertility I'm going to kill Kurt.**_

"Rachel, I-" He glanced down at his pants, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "Oh. I need to take this. I'll be right back."

Rachel watched him head out of the room before she turned on Santana. "What are you _doing_?"

Santana arched an eyebrow. "Apparently I'm going to the bar."

Rachel flushed. "Well he assumed I was going with you. I just didn't correct him."

_**While I'm an advocate of safe sex, I have to say that I think a mini you would be adorable. And don't kill your brother. He simply wants you to not smell like a typical boy.**_

"You're going with the manny, aren't you?"

"So what if I am? We're practicing for Saturday on his friends." She crossed her arms, daring Santana to question her further.

"You sure that's all you're doing?"

"I resent the implication that I'd do anything else," Rachel huffed as she stood up. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready."

She strode out phone in hand, the bathroom door slamming a minute later followed by the sound of running water leaving Santana with little doubt as to where Rachel had gone. Rachel's voice soon reverberated through the apartment as she practiced a medley of _Mary Poppins_ songs and Santana smiled, remembering the days when they'd shared an apartment and she'd frequently been woken up by Rachel's shower concerts.

Satisfied that she'd pressed enough of Rachel's buttons she resumed eating, leaning over to grab some wasabi from Rachel's plate. She failed to see the half empty wine glass Rachel had left behind, knocking it over with her elbow. The red wine flowed out of the cup and onto the table, heading right towards her lap.

"Shit!" she cried as the first drops landed on her lap. She jumped up, letting the wine land on the tile floor instead as she ran to the sink and frantically began scrubbing at her pants. A useless endeavor since the wine was already set and she groaned, not looking forward to buying a new set of scrubs.

Sighing, she headed down the hall towards Rachel's room, hoping she had something halfway decent in her closet to borrow. She made quick work of Rachel's bureau, finding nothing to her satisfaction, and went over to the tiny walk-in closet, the entire reason Rachel had chosen this apartment.

"No...definitely not...she was supposed to throw that out...no way in hell..." she murmured as she went through the racks of dresses. "God, doesn't she own anything that doesn't look like it belongs on Sesame Street?"

The click of the bedroom door closing caught her attention and she paused her musings, about to call out to Rachel when a new sound hit her ears.

_"You have my tux?...you'll have to bring it to Phoenix this weekend, you know, since I can't. I can't wait to see how your dress came out..."_

She opened the closet a crack to see Mike, his cell phone to his ear and his back to the closet, talking on the phone.

_"No, there's actually a medical conference in Phoenix this weekend, so I'll just sign in and be seen then leave... Trust me, it's easy. I've done it for the last three conferences I went to, remember?"_

**Whoa**.

Smoke practically coming out of her ears, Santana stayed still in the closet, waiting to see if Mike was done before she sprung out and went Lima Heights Adjacent on his ass. Rachel had stopped her singing in the shower which meant that she was probably finished and she'd really like to have his balls on a platter before Rachel could stop her.

Mike must've realized Rachel was almost done too because he spoke urgently into the phone as he got up. "I gotta go...dont forget that bag I left with you last time...I'll see you at the airport tomorrow, ok?"

Santana bent down to grab a high heel from the floor, cursing Rachel for not owning a pair of stilettos since it meant she'd have to attack with a kitten heel. Her eyes did a random sweep of the shoes organized neatly on the floor, hoping a stiletto might magically appear. She grabbed the closest shoe, waiting until she was back at her full height before flinging the closet door open, the heel raised high in the air ready to strike.

"Alright you two-timin..." she trailed off as she realized the room was empty, Mike clearly having made his escape when she was choosing her weapon. She stalked towards the door, prepared to use the heel still clenched in her hand on the first Asian she saw.

Mike was nowhere to be seen, but the muffled voices coming from the bathroom caught her attention. Not feeling the least bit of shame, she pressed her ear to the door, hoping Mike was coming clean so that she could barge in and perform a penis removal using only a kitten heel.

_"Rachel, no. Santana's here."_

_"So? She won't care. I've heard her with Brittany."_

_"I have to go, Rachel. I'm going to be late."_

_"Come on. I'll be quick, I promise."_

_"Put the towel back on. I need to go."_

_"Can't you stay a little longer? We haven't made love in over two months."_

_"We've been busy. We'll find time."_

_"What's wrong with right now?"_

_"The symposium starts soon. I need to leave and pick up my dad."_

Santana snorted at that, wondering if Mike was keeping a straight face.

_"Sometimes I think you care more about your career than me."_

_"You know that's not true."_

Again, Santana snorted, barely resisting the urge to barge in there and set Rachel straight.

_"Your parents think it should be."_

_"What are you talking about? My parents want me to be happy."_

_"Do they? Or do they want you to be happy the way they think you should be happy?"_

_"Rachel you're talking crazy. I don't have time for this. I gotta go and I'll call you when I land in Phoenix. Ok?"_

_"But-"_

_"I'll call you tomorrow. My dad is waiting for me."_

The sound of footsteps heading towards the door made Santana jump away from it. She beat a hasty retreat into the kitchen, her mind whirling as she processed this new information. Rachel and Mike hadn't slept together in _two months_. She knew it had been a while but she didn't think it had been _that_ long.

It clearly wasn't an issue for Mike based his telephone call but she wasn't concerned with him. No, her concern was for Rachel, who was keeping everything bottled up and needed some way to let it all out. Ordinarily she'd recommend sex to relieve tension, but that was obviously not an option here. She was so lost in her thoughts that she failed to see Mike stroll by and out the door.

Obviously this needed further investigation. Not above snooping, she looked over the table for Rachel's phone, frowning when she realized she must've brought it with her into the bathroom.

"Santana?"

Rachel's voice snapped her out of her reverie and she stood up, the kitten heel still in her hand as she called out. "What?"

"Can you plug in my curling iron? I forgot to do it before and I don't want to be late."

Santana rolled her eyes as she stepped into the small hallway to see Rachel peeking her head out of the bathroom. "God forbid you be late to see the manny."

"Stop calling him that!" she admonished as she noticed Santana's red wine covered pants. "Did you get your period?"

"No that's that cheap ass wine the Asian bought," Santana snapped, having totally forgotten about her pants. "Considering how much they're spending to get rid of you, you'd think the family would drink good wine."

Rachel opened the door wider. "Very funny. Now can you go plug in my curling iron?"

Santana placed a hand on her hip. "You're curling your hair for the manny?"

"So what if I am?" Rachel asked, her hand playing with the doorknob.

"You don't even curl your hair for Mike!" Santana commented suspiciously.

"I do too," Rachel huffed. "I have, you just didn't notice."

"No, you haven't. I know you haven't because you said it takes too long even though he said he likes it curled," Santana insisted. "But yet you're going to curl your hair for the manny."

"Are you going to plug it in or not?" Rachel demanded, ignoring her last statement. "You know what, never mind. I'll do it myself."

She stomped past Santana and into her bedroom, returning a moment later with her curling iron. Santana watched as she stormed back into the bathroom and plugged it into the wall, continuing her preparations as the curling iron heated. Her pants forgotten, Santana stepped into the bathroom and sat on the toilet, watching as Rachel grabbed the comb to carefully begin parting her hair.

"What?" Rachel questioned crossly, eyeing Santana in the mirror.

"So what time are we going to the bar?"

Rachel stared at Santana in the mirror. "You don't need to come. Mike just assumed when I said friends that it meant you."

"Oh I'm coming. You think I'm going to miss the manny's reaction when he sees you after I do your hair and makeup? I bet he comes right there," Santana predicted.

"You're not doing my hair or makeup and you're _not_ coming," Rachel retorted. "I want to do my own hair and makeup. And I want to go by myself."

"I'm coming."

"You're not."

"You think you can stop me?" Santana demanded. "Last time I checked, I'm the only one who carries razors in my hair."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "You don't carry razors in your hair. You're all talk."

"Oh yeah? Let the manny put the moves on you for real, then we'll find out if I'm all talk."

"Would you _stop_ calling him that?" Rachel snapped, turning around to face her friend. "He has a name."

"Geez, don't get your panties in a twist," Santana commented, examining her nails. "Why are you getting mad?"

"I'm not mad. I just think you should refer to Finn as Finn," Rachel retorted as she turned back to the mirror. "Especially since he's a personal trainer."

"That right? How come you don't get annoyed when I call the Asian the Asian? Or when Brits calls him Mr. Miagi?"

"I most certainly do get mad," Rachel insisted as she picked up the curling iron and wrapped a chunk of hair around it. "I've told Brittany numerous times to stop asking him to teach her the wax on wax off methodology."

"Don't lie. This is me you're talking to. You've got a thing for the manny," Santana stated bluntly. "_That's_ why you're curling your hair."

Rachel flushed. "I do not! I just happen to feel like curling my hair."

"Right." She sighed, annoyed with Rachel's stubborness as she tried a new tactic. "Remind me again. Why are you with the Asian if he won't put out?"

"Is that all you can think of?" Rachel huffed. "And he does put out."

"Oh really?" Santana questioned. "When was the last time you two did it?"

"Recently," Rachel hedged, not looking at Santana as she curled another section of hair, holding it against her head for a moment before she released it.

Santana scoffed, taking the curling iron from Rachel and curling a tiny chunk of hair. "You're a horrible liar. My Abuela gets more action than you do and she's in a nursing home."

Rachel flushed, looking down at her phone next to the sink for a distraction. Fortunately, Finn had sent a text while she'd been in the shower.

_**Ah, so you do think I'm adorable. I'm glad someone other than my mom and Aunt Bernadette does.**_

Rachel gasped, whether from the text or from Santana pulling her hair she wasn't sure. "Could you be a little gentler? I'd like to have some hair left to curl."

Santana ignored her, purposely curling a section of hair and pulling so she could read whatever Rachel was typing on her phone.

_**I'm sure Sugar finds you adorable, Fifi. And for the record, I said a MINI you would be adorable.**_

"Who's Sugar?" Santana demanded as she released the hair from the curling iron.

Rachel whirled around, clutching the phone to her chest. "Are you textdropping?"

"Yup," she replied cheerfully, unashamed at having been caught eavesdropping. She turned Rachel back around, picking up another chunk of hair to curl. "So who is she?"

"She's a family friend who's obsessed with Finn," Rachel replied, frowning when there wasn't an immediate response on her phone. "I'd imagine she won't be too happy to see me at the party."

"So there's two of you obsessed with the manny?" Santana asked, curling another chunk of hair. "I don't see the appeal of that constipated look on his face myself. "

"He doesn't have a constipated look on his face," Rachel snapped as her phone beeped.

_**Actually, according to Sugar, I'm not adorable, I'm boy band hot.**_

"Seriously? He's hardly on par with Justin Timberlake," Santana scoffed, reading over Rachel's shoulder.

"Would you _stop_ textdropping?" Rachel screeched. "I don't read your texts to Brittany!"

"That's because we're usually sexting and my sexts are too hot to handle," Santana retorted, curling another chunk of hair. "The manny wouldn't know what to do if you sent him a sext. Ooo! Let's have some fun with him. Ask him how big he is."

"Santana!" Rachel whirled around to face her, the curling iron still in her hair. "That would be highly inappropriate."

"Please. Like you haven't noticed his hands," Santana scoffed, turning her back around to face the mirror.

Rachel flushed, remembering how it had felt to have her hand in his. "As an engaged woman, I have not."

"Liar. You expect me to believe that, don't blush," Santana directed.

"I wasn't blushing. It's the heat of the curling iron," Rachel insisted lamely.

"Uh huh, right." She picked up another piece of hair to curl, sensing an opportunity to get some info from Rachel. "You honestly believe that the Asian has put on the blinders when it comes to other women?"

"Of course he has!"

"You keep thinking that Rachel," Santana commented cryptically, releasing the hair from the curling iron. "He's a man being guided by his dick. He's checking out other women."

"He's engaged, of course he doesn't look at other women! Finn and I had a whole discussion about it via text the other night. He says that when a guy is in a relationship, he notices because it's a requirement for being a guy but he doesn't really _notice _if you know what I mean."

"So you've discussed this with Finn but not Mike?"

"It happened to come up in conversation when we were watching a movie," Rachel replied flippantly. "Are you almost done? I want to start my makeup."

"Whoa. Hold up. What do you mean you were watching a movie?" Santana stared at her in the mirror, the curling iron paused mid air. "Man Boobs was here?"

"Relax. I simply meant that we were watching _Valentine's Day_ on TV at our individual apartments and it came up while we were texting." She took the curling iron from Santana, redoing a curl in the front. "He also agrees with you that that movie is horrible, by the way."

"That's because it is. That awful movie cost you movie picking rights for a year, remember?"

Rachel nodded, remembering all too well the ban Santana had imposed on her. Since Brittany had received a similar ban after wanting to go see some cartoon about cats, they'd been forced to go see Santana's horror film choices for a year. "Finn said it was two hours of his life he'd never get back, but since he made me sit through an episode of _The Simpsons_, I consider us even."

"And yet he still sat through the movie with you. Interesting." She arched an eyebrow at her through the mirror. "Kinda funny that Mike won't go to the movies with you."

"He's not a movie goer," Rachel agreed. "Unless it's a Fred Astaire movie, then he likes to watch."

She glanced down at her phone, suddenly realizing that she'd never answered Finn. She grinned a little as she typed a response before she started on her makeup.

**_Yeah? You have the moves to be in a boy band?_**

Satisfied that she'd bested Finn, she turned her attention to her makeup, ignoring Santana asking if the manny liked that shade of eyeshadow on her. Despite what Santana seemed to think, she _didn't_ like him. She was simply getting ready to do a full dress rehearsal. This was part of a promise and she was sticking to it. Continuing to ignore Santana, she grabbed an eye pencil, concentrating on lining her eyes. Only the beeping of her phone broke her concentration and she dropped the eye pencil back into her makeup bag, dying to know Finn's response.

**_According to Kurt and practically everyone else I know, absolutely not. Kurt says I couldn't even dance in that little kids group The Wiggles._**

She giggled at that**, **completely forgetting about her makeup and the fact that she only had one eye lined. It took about ten seconds before her fingers began typing a response and she peeked out of the corner of her eye, knowing that Santana was watching her every move. "What?"

**_The Wiggles are still a type of boy band. I'm sure you could handle their dance moves._**

"I'm just saying, you don't get that excited by a text from the Asian." She stared Rachel down, daring her to deny it.

"You know he's not a texter," Rachel shot back, suddenly distracted by another incoming message. "And I'm not excited. I'm in a perfectly normal mood."

**_ You know, you really don't have to come tonight if it's going to be a problem._**

Turning her back on Santana, she typed out her response.

**_I'm almost ready._**

Her text sent, she faced Santana again. "If you're going to insist on coming, I think you should get ready. I'm about to leave."

"Really? You sure about that?" Santana asked, eyeing Rachel critically.

"Yes. I'm just going to grab my purse and go now." She moved towards the door, her phone clasped firmly in her hand.

"Funny. You didn't tell me the manny was into eye makeup on only one eye," Santana mused.

Rachel flushed, stalking back to the counter to finish her makeup. "If you weren't distracting me with insane questions, I would have noticed that."

"Right. Because being glued to your phone had nothing to do with it."

"It would be rude not to answer a text." Her answer given, Rachel applied her eye makeup, looking at Santana in the mirror. "Are you planning on wearing stained scrubs to the bar? Because looking slovenly when meeting new people could also be construed as rude."

Santana rolled her eyes. "Fine we'll stop at my building before we go ok?"

"We'll be late. Borrow something of mine," Rachel insisted, checking her phone.

"And risk looking like I belong at story time? I don't think so. We'll stop at my apartment." She grabbed Rachel's elbow, guiding her towards the door. Rachel put up a slight fight, unable to text with Santana holding her. "For someone who's so concerned about being late, you're not helping."

Rachel glared at her. "Can we just go?"

"Don't let me stop you." She stepped aside, giving Rachel the opportunity to practice her storm out.

Santana watched her closely, her mind whirling. If Rachel was going to insist on going through with this charade, then it was going to be up to her to make sure that Finn was worth breaking off an engagement for.

Fortunately, she was more than up for the task.

* * *

><p>"So what time's the BCB coming?" Sam asked, lining up his dart to take a shot.<p>

"She'll be here as soon as he blows her up," Puck answered for Finn, a smirk on his face.

"Her name is Rachel and she should be here soon," Finn snapped, his foot nervously tapping the floor as he sat on his stool by the dart board. "Can you guys not be such douchebags for once?"

"Geez, that time of the month, Finn?" Sam asked, watching as Rory launched a dart at the board.

"Shut up. I just don't want a repeat of when you met Sarah," Finn grumbled, his hands playing a drum beat against his legs. "I never heard from her again after she met you losers."

"You ever think it was your lame ass self that sent her running?" Puck questioned. "Most girls run _to_ me not away from me."

"I think it had more to do with you and Sam trying to light your farts on fire," Finn retorted.

"Why are you so worried about us?" Puck demanded. "It's Kurt you should be afraid of."

"Considering Kurt's never tried to light his ass on fire at the dinner table, I highly doubt that," Finn scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"All I'm saying is Sam and I are the least of your worries, right Evans?"

Sam nodded. "If she's hot, we'll approve. Kurt won't be so easy."

"They're right Finn," Artie piped up. "Kurt has very high standards when it comes to your girlfriends."

"Exactly. That's why so few make it through to Carole," Puck added. "She's gotta be strong enough to take on the tag team of Kurt and Carole. She shows up in last year's fashions and he'll rip into her like a lion on an antelope before Carole comes in for the TKO."

"Seriously, could you two be any stupider?" Finn asked, rolling his eyes. "Don't the mom jokes ever get old?"

"Nope. It's hysteri-_holy shit_. Legs that'll be wrapped around me later by the door," Puck exclaimed, his beer paused midway to his mouth.

Rolling his eyes, Finn took a swig of beer as he swiveled on his stool to see the girl Puck was ogling. The beer he'd just swallowed threatened to spew out of his mouth as he took in the sight of Rachel unbuttoning her coat over by the door. He temporarily forgot his annoyance at Puck as he took in her short plaid skirt and black turtleneck, both of which highlighted her curves nicely and showed off her legs, causing him to wonder what it would be like to run his hands up those legs.

Fortunately he had Puck to break him out of his stupor. "The legs on that one cancel out the small rack…and her friend there makes it even better. Gonna be a good night for Puck, could be my first Jewish-Spanish threesome." He sat back, his eyes fixated on the door, never noticing Finn reach from his stool to smack him on the back of the head. "Hey! What's your problem? I saw them first!"

"That's Rachel, you ass. Stop ogling her," Finn snapped as he pulled out his cell phone. Rachel hadn't noticed him yet so he typed a message, watching as she received it.

**_I see you. Unfortunately Puck does too._**

"No shit? Legs is the BCB?" Puck questioned, putting his beer down on the stool to study Rachel further. "How you liking having them wrapped around you?"

"Shut up!" Finn hissed, his eyes still watching Rachel fish through her bag, presumably having felt the phone vibrating.

"Have you even graduated from missionary?" Puck continued. "Seems a shame to waste legs like that on such a beginner's position."

"Of course he's moved on from missionary. He banged her against the lockers remember?" Sam pointed out, turning to Artie and Rory. "You two hear that Finn's been giving lots of private lessons Puckerman style at the gym?"

Both Artie and Rory turned interested eyes on Finn but it was Rory who spoke. "That why you told Aunt Carole and Kurt you couldn't go pick out tablecloths for the party the other day?"

Finn glared at his cousin, knowing that there was _no way_ Puck would be able to resist the set up Rory had inadvertently given him. Fully expecting to be insulted, he turned to Puck, who didn't disappoint.

"Whoa. This girl must be the real deal if you passed up tablecloth shopping with Carole. I know how much you enjoy that."

"_Shut up_!" Finn repeated; grabbing some mixed nuts from the bowl to throw at Puck. He really _had_ used that as an excuse (why they thought he'd _want_ to go to the Linen Barn was beyond him) since he couldn't exactly tell them that _she'd_ called and he'd been forced to take Cornelius young and old shopping for new underwear. Despite the fact that he'd been told to buy little Cornelius character tighty-whiteys, the younger Cornelius had insisted on getting whatever type of underwear _he _was wearing at that moment, which meant that both he and young Cornelius left the store rockin plaid boxers while old Cornelius bought his usual old man underwear.

"How's Carole liking sharing her baby boy?" Puck pressed on, goaded by the snickers of Artie, Sam and Rory. "Bet it must suck to have both of them keeping the leash so tight. I know Carole doesn't, but Legs let you have your balls back once in a while?"

"Her name is _Rachel," _Finn growled, growing more annoyed by the minute. He hadn't been serious when he told Rachel that if she wanted to come to the bar and meet Puck she could (well maybe part of him was) but she'd agreed immediately, claiming she needed to see him for herself in order to understand exactly why he'd been friends with Puck all these years_._ His annoyance tempered as he watched Rachel pull out her cell phone to read his message, watching in amusement as her head snapped up to attempt to find him. Her eyes roamed the bar for a moment before they fell on his little group and she smiled widely, giving a little wave as she waited for Santana to finish taking her coat off.

"So who's _Rachel's_ smokin hot friend?" Puck demanded as he watched the girls.

"That's her friend Santana. She's a...you know what, never mind," Finn retorted, deciding it would be too much fun to let Puck find out that Santana was a lesbian on his own.

"She's a what? A bitch? A pain in the ass?" Puck pressed, his eyes still on Santana. "Cause for that body I can deal."

"Um...a nurse. She's a nurse," Finn replied, slightly distracted as he watched Rachel laugh at something.

"The fuck I care if she's a nurse?" Puck demanded. "Unless she wants to be a naughty nurse in the bedroom, that's a different story."

"I'm going to go get them. Try not to be your normal ass self when they come." He may have sounded confident, but Santana's presence unnerved him slightly, her words from their last meeting running through his head as he walked over to greet the girls, ignoring Puck's comments behind him.

"Finn!" Her smile grew as she watched him come closer.

"You made it," he said warmly, unsure if he should kiss her since they were technically supposed to be dating and he _knew_ Puck, Artie, Sam and Rory were watching his every move behind him.

Rachel solved that problem by slipping her hand into his, her face beaming as she looked up at him. "I did! I hope you don't mind that Santana came."

He glanced over at Santana who was watching him carefully. "Uh no, not at all. Hey Santana."

"Manny." She nodded at him curtly.

"Santana! I told you he's _not_ a manny!" Rachel chided. "He's a personal trainer, as I've told you numerous times."

Santana stared at her nails, a bored expression on her face. "Whatever. Can we just get our drink on?"

"Puck has a tab," Finn offered. "Just get what you want and tell them to put it on there. Even better if you order top shelf."

Rachel beamed up at him as Santana hurried off. "Ready to go meet your friends? They've been watching us, you know. They're really doing a poor job of hiding it, I should offer to give them lessons."

Finn laughed. "Yeah, they're not too subtle."

She smiled up at him again. "I was just telling Santana on the way over here that this would be excellent practice for Aunt Bernadette's."

He ran his free hand through his hair. "You're sure about this?"

"Of course! I promised you I'd help didn't I?" She eyed the group of men all still pretending not to watch them. "I'm going to guess that Noah is the one with the Mohawk right?"

"You got it." He squeezed her hand as he led her over to the group, hoping this wasn't going to blow up in his face. Rachel gripped his hand with both of hers as he paused next to Artie's wheelchair. "Guys, this is Rachel. Rach, this is Artie, Sam, Rory, and I know you've spoken to this fool."

Rachel greeted each of them as Finn pointed each of them out, saving Puck for last, who'd chosen to show his displeasure at being called fool by smacking Finn on the head.

"Noah! Don't smack Finn on the head. I'm sure he doesn't appreciate it and I know I don't appreciate seeing my boyfriend get hit," Rachel chided, immediately getting into character. "But it is nice to meet the man behind the lewd texts and emails."

Puck turned an interested eye on Finn. "You _ever_ wear the pants in the relationship?"

"For your information, Noah, Finn and I have an equal relationship," Rachel defended.

"Equal?" Puck snickered. "How is you keeping his balls on lockdown equal?"

"Dude! Can you ever not be you?" Finn hissed, dusting off a stool for Rachel to sit on with his free hand before helping her climb on. He smiled at her, his tone suddenly much nicer. "I'm gonna get a beer. What do you want, Rach?"

"I'll have a Vodka Cranberry." She smiled back at him, her hand reaching up to caress his face. "Thank you, Finny."

Puck arched an eyebrow. "Better be careful, Rachel. Carole finds out you're using her special nickname for her precious baby you two are gonna go a few rounds. She'll take you down faster than it takes Hummel to spot a sale on sweaters."

"I highly doubt that, Noah. While I haven't met Carole yet, I did have the opportunity to speak to her and she sounds lovely," Rachel retorted, biting her lip and wondering if she'd made a mistake in calling him Finny. "I'm sure she wouldn't mind my calling Finn Finny."

"Yeah? Try it at the party," Puck goaded. "Bet she has you in a chokehold in under 10 seconds."

Finn said nothing, glaring at Puck as he turned to Rachel, who was looking at him with wide eyes. Carefully, he leaned into Rachel, caging her on the stool by placing an arm against the bar on either side of her. He lowered his head so that his lips were close to her ear, murmuring so that only she could hear. "Ignore him. You're doing fine."

She wrapped her arms around his neck, turning her head towards his ear. "You should have put that only your mom calls you Finny in your dossier."

"It's not exclusive to her," he promised, his arms wrapping around her automatically. "As long as its not Fifi, you can call me whatever you want."

"Hey! Get a room!" Puck interrupted. "Or at least a _urinal_."

"Dude!" Finn hissed, as he separated from Rachel. Glad for the dimness of the bar so Rachel couldnt see his flushed face, he punched Puck in the arm and walked away.

Rachel watched him go for a moment before turning back to the group. "Should I take your crudeness to mean that this is where the Bar Tramp rose to number one on Finn's list of memorable sexual experiences?"

"Nope. That was at an on campus bar but if you want to make a run for the crown, the bathroom's over there," Puck replied, pointing to the bathroom door. "You gotta provide your own toilet seat covers to kneel on though."

"Very funny, Noah," Rachel snapped. "I told you, my work surprise beat that Bathroom Slut."

"I'm afraid we're gonna need more details before we can rule in your favor, right guys?" Puck answered as he looked around the group. "Spare us the details about Finn's Johnson and start with your lingerie."

"I've told you all you need to know to make an informed decision," Rachel huffed. "It's really no contest."

"I bet you're a pink lace babydoll kind of girl," Puck surmised. "I don't think you could handle garters and I _know_ Hudson can't."

"I told you. It was a bustier," Rachel admitted grudgingly, thinking of a bustier she'd bought for Mike to enjoy that at the moment was sitting in her lingerie drawer with the tags still on. "But it was lace."

"G-string?"

"I'm _not_ sharing my lingerie with you!" she insisted. "That's between Finn and I."

Puck eyes her critically. "Probably for the best. I have a feeling your lingerie involves granny panties."

"I don't wear granny panties!" Rachel cried, beyond horrified. "Did Finn tell you that?"

She whirled around on her stool to face Sam, who immediately hastened to clear the misunderstanding. "No! Finn didn't say anything! Puck's just being an ass! Ask Rory!"

Rachel narrowed her eyes as she turned to Rory. "Rory? Are you aware of my underwear preference?"

Rory shook his head quickly. "No...no. Finn didn't say anything to me, I swear."

Rachel crossed her arms. "I would just like to state for the record that I do not, under any circumstance, wear granny panties. I wear-"

"Boy shorts. We already know," Puck finished for her as she gasped at his words. "Hudson showed us the picture of your bedazzled drawers."

"Finn showed all of you my underwear?" she demanded, her cheeks burning.

"He didn't show me," Artie offered.

Rachel exhaled. "Oh well-"

"I saw it on the forward Puck sent," Artie continued. "And may I say nice job on the bling."

Rachel beamed at the compliment, her humiliation momentarily forgotten. "Why thank you, Artie. I always think-_hey!_ What do you mean the forward Noah sent?"

"Can we move on?" Puck demanded. "If you won't describe the lingerie, at least rate Hudson's performance on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being incredibly lame and 10 being rock star status."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "I am not rating Finn's performance, especially since I'm sure you'll say I rated him too high."

"Damn straight. Anything higher than a negative five is unrealistic for Hudson."

"Negative five?" Rachel raised an eyebrow. "And what would you be?"

Puck puffed out his chest. "On a scale of 1 to 10 I'm a 23."

"A 23? Don't you think _that's_ a little unrealistic?" Rachel questioned.

"You didn't see what I did with the Nelson twins."

"He's right Rachel. He got bumped up from a 19 for that," Artie offered.

Rachel wrinkled her nose. "Moving on. My friend Santana is here too. I'm sure she'll be along in a moment."

"She the hot one you came in with?" Puck asked bluntly. "Rory almost did an Irish jig in his pants when he saw her."

"I did not!" Rory cried. "You're the one who said legs that'll be wrapped around you later by the door!"

"I did not. That was Evans," Puck replied casually.

"I didn't say that!" Sam retorted, not about to add that he'd been thinking it.

"No it wasn't," Rory insisted. "It was you. I remember because Finn hit you on the back of the head."

Rachel smirked. "You checking out my friend, Noah? I can assure you that she's not your type."

"Every woman is my type, Rachel," Puck boasted. "I'm irresistable."

"It's true, Rachel," Sam added. "I think it's the Mohawk."

Rachel eyed the Mohawk with distaste. "I highly doubt that Sam."

"Believe it, Rachel. The Mohawk even gets the Lesbians," Puck retorted, running a hand over the hair in question.

"Oh really? Lesbians too?" Rachel asked, amused at the thought.

"Yeah, they're usually pretty easy to spot, so I don't put as much effort into them, but they flock to me too."

"I'd like to see that." Rachel bit her lip, trying not to laugh.

"You challenging me, Rachel? Because that's a bet I'll take. I never met a girl I couldn't get. Sooner or later they all succumb to Puck." He crossed his arms, confident in his statement.

Rachel's smirk grew wider. "I look forward to seeing you in action, Noah."

"Watch and learn Berry. Guarantee Hudson didn't use moves this smooth. Look at him talking to her up there, probably about something lame like the weather."

Rachel followed his gaze to see Finn deep in conversation with Santana and she suddenly got worried that Santana was going to blow this for her...him.

"It doesn't matter what they're talking about," Artie pointed out. "He's not dating her."

"Still if he's boring her to death and being his usual lame ass self, that's gonna hurt _me_," Puck decided.

"Finn is not lame, Noah," Rachel defended. "He's a lovely conversationalist."

Puck snorted. "If you stick to sports, cartoons or food maybe."

"For your information, Noah, Finn is able to converse perfectly well on other topics." She eyed Finn coming her way with a drink in one hand and a beer in the other, Santana close behind. "But if your such a great conversationalist, here's your chance to show Finn how it's done."

"Not a problem," Puck boasted. "Give me ten minutes and you'll be dumping Hudson for me."

"I highly doubt that, Noah, but proceed," Rachel said sweetly as Finn approached.

"Here you go, Rach," Finn replied easily, handing her her drink.

She smiled up at him, her fingers grazing his as she accepted her glass and she shivered a little. Trying to recover, she blurted out the first thing she could thing of. "I was just talking to Noah."

He smiled back at her. "Yeah? You survived a conversation with him?"

"Fuck you, Hudson. Girls love to have conversations with me." Puck smirked, not about to waste an opportunity to stick it it to Finn. "I may not be as _lovely_ a conversationalist as you, but I'm pretty good."

"Uh right." Finn glanced between Puck and Rachel, the latter glaring while the former bit back a laugh.

"Where'd Santana go?" Rachel asked, pausing her glaring to turn back to Finn. Trying to play her part, she slipped an arm around Finn's waist, running her fingers lightly across his back.

"She's coming," Finn replied, a smile appearing on his face at her actions. "She just went to the bathroom."

"I hope she gets here soon. Noah's _very_ anxious to meet her," Rachel announced, exchanging a conspiratorial smile with Finn.

"I bet he is." Finn winked at Rachel. "He was just telling me before."

"It's all good. I can wait," Pick announced. "Wanna play some pool, Huds? Jewfro's been circling and I'm not playing with him."

Finn hesitated, looking at Rachel. "I'm good."

"Come on Hudson," Puck whined. "Evans and Abrams are playing darts and Rory sucks."

"Hey!" Rory cried. "I do not suck!"

"Ok but you do." He turned back to Finn. "Come on Hudson. You can bring the ball and chain with you."

"Dude! Don't call her that!" Finn defended, correctly sensing that Rachel's gasp next to him meant she didn't appreciate the moniker.

"What? It's not like I called her the _old_ ball and chain!"

"I told you before that her name is Rachel," Finn snapped. "Use it."

"I might...if you play pool," Puck offered. He turned to Rachel. "You play, _Rachel_?"

"As a matter of fact, I do not," Rachel announced. She turned to Finn, placing a hand on his bicep and trying to resist squeezing. "Don't let me stop you Finn. If you want to play go ahead."

"You sure?"

"Hudson! Come on!" Puck called over his shoulder, already moving towards the empty pool table. "If I get stuck with Jewfro, I'm gonna tell Beiste you were the one who clogged her toilet and used her spare shorts to clean up the water overflowing from it."

"That was you!" Finn cried. "That got us banned from her private bathroom!"

Puck smirked, grabbing a pool cue off the wall. "Hey all Beiste knows is that she regretted spilling that Powerade on her shorts since her spare pair was mysteriously soaked."

In spite of himself, Finn had to chuckle remembering how confused (and eventually furious) Beiste had been when she'd gone into her office for her spare clothing and found them neatly hung up like always but somehow soaking wet. The cause of the wetness was revealed as soon as Beiste took her copy of Fancy Fitness into her office bathroom and saw the flood that had once again formed. Furious, she'd rounded up the most likely suspects, Puck, Sam and Finn, each of whom denied any knowledge. Lack of a culprit didn't stop Beiste from banning each of them, nor did it stop her from making the three of them figure out a way to fix her toilet and clean up the mess while she sat nearby supervising and reading her magazine. He turned to Rachel again. "You sure you don't want to play?"

"Yeah Rachel, Hudson's got a cue stick in his pants you can use," Puck offered, snickering at the innuendo. "Might be little small though."

"I'm going to chose to ignore that," Rachel announced as she took the hand Finn was offering and climbed off the stool. "But I _will_ move my stool next to the pool table so that I can cheer Finn on."

"Wise move Berry. Hudson's in for an ass kicking so he's gonna need all the support he can get," Puck replied as he chalked up his cue stick. "Hope you're skilled at removing pool cue sticks from asses, Rachel."

"I'm sure that's not true, Noah," Rachel replied pleasantly, dragging her stool over with one hand, the other having found its way back into Finn's. "And I believe the correct term would be cuestick-ectomy, although I'm not positive about that, having never had to remove a pool stick from anyone's ass. We can ask Santana when she comes back. She's a nurse, you know."

Puck quirked an eyebrow at Finn. "Yeah, I heard something about that."

Rachel beamed, turning her head to look towards where the bathrooms were and missing the lewd gesture Puck was performing for Finn's benefit as a result. "Here she comes now!"

"Excellent. It's go time for Puck," Puck announced, running his hand over his Mohawk as he watched Santana approach. He leaned casually against the pool table as Santana fought her way through the crowd and over to Rachel.

"You think you could pick a more of a dump, Manny?" Santana demanded.

"Santana! I'd like you to meet Finn's friends," Rachel cut in quickly. "This is Artie, Sam, Finn's cousin Rory and _this_ is Noah." She went quiet as she watched Santana greet each of them, curious to see her and Noah interact.

"S'up?" Puck questioned casually, still leaning against the pool table and adding a head nod for emphasis. "Call me Puck."

"Are we playing pool? I'm shocked you got Rachel to play, Manny," Santana barked, grabbing the cue stick in Finn's hand. She tapped her chin thoughtfully as she stared at Rachel. "Although maybe I shouldn't be that shocked."

"Finn and Noah were just about to play," Rachel explained before Santana had the chance to say anything else. "I was going to watch."

"The four of us could play," Puck offered. "Shirts and skins. Finn and I'll be shirts."

"Dream on," Santana scoffed as she bent over to rack up the balls. "I'll take the two of you on."

"Yeah? Does that extend to the bedroom?" Puck asked, casually flexing his muscles.

Santana held up a hand. "Don't bother. You've got one too many body parts for me."

Puck quirked an eyebrow. "Lack of interest is not a problem for me."

Rachel grinned as she noticed Puck eyeing Santana's low cut top and ample exposed cleavage but her grin died a little when she noticed Finn's eyes were focused on the same thing. "Santana is something of a pool shark, Finn."

Santana looked up. "Rachel! How many times do I have to tell you not to tell people that? It takes the fun out of kicking their asses!"

"Sorry." She bit her lip, turning to Finn and burying her face against his shoulder for a minute.

Santana stared, taking careful note of Rachel's actions. "You ready, boys?"

"I was born ready," Puck replied smoothly. "I've got mo-_shit._ Jewfro is circling, Hudson."

Finn glanced over, his face contorting into a grimace. "Shit."

"You have to play Rachel. We need a fourth. You and Hudson versus me and Santana," Puck added quickly, his eyes darting over to look at something.

"But I don't want to play!" Rachel protested.

"You have to," Puck retorted, still looking behind Rachel.

"_No_. I don't want to." She crossed her arms, making Finn see the stubborness of her texts come to life.

"Hudson! Talk some sense into your woman and quick," Puck hissed. "He's almost in sniffing distance."

"You don't have to play. We just need you to _pretend_ to play, Rach," Finn explained. "Just hold the cue and look like you're playing."

"You're asking her to pretend to do something?" Santana asked casually. "Imagine that."

Rachel glared at Santana as she slipped off the stool. "Fine. But somebody better explain to me who this Jewfro is and why I need to play."

Finn placed a hand on the small of her back as he handed her a pool cue. "He's this gross guy who's always hanging around here trying to get in our group."

"Oh." She bit her lip as she stared up at him. "You'll have to show me how to play."

"Careful, Hudson. Make sure you're using the right stick," Puck cautioned with a smirk and a thrust as Finn moved behind Rachel.

He ignored Puck, a small grin on his face as he wrapped Rachel's hands around the stick and moved her into place."It's easy, Rachel. You just use the stick to hit the balls." He thrust her hands forward, gently letting the stick hit the balls.

Rachel's face fell as she watched one of the solid balls fall into a pocket. "Oh that wasn't good. The purple ball fell off the table."

Finn laughed. "Actually that's a good thing, Rach."

Her eyes went wide. "Is it?"

"It is." He grinned as Rachel gasped and jumped up and down, clapping her hands excitedly for a moment before she wrapped her arms around his neck, squeezing tightly. His own arms came around her easily picking her up against his body as they hugged.

"God Rachel. You really need to get some. You're practically climbing him."

Annoyed at the interruption, Rachel glanced to her left from the safety of Finn's arms. "Santana!"

"Bathroom is open," Puck offered. "Evans just unloaded in there so you might want to hold each others noses while you do the lust and thrust though."

"Dude!" Finn hissed. "Stop being such an ass!"

Rachel unwrapped herself from Finn, slowly scaling his body. "Honestly, you two are both perverts. I assure you should I choose to _climb_ Finn, it's when no one is around."

"So you _didn't_ have a boinkfest at Beiste's?" Puck demanded. "I _knew_ Hudson would be afraid Mommy would find out."

"He's _not _a mama's boy!" Rachel snapped, rising to Finn's defense immediately. "If you must know, the amount of places we've had sex in has been insane."

"Let me guess. That would be the head of the bed and the foot of the bed, you wild and crazy thing." He lined up his shot, easily sinking a striped ball.

"I refuse to divulge anything other than my work surprise for Finn," Rachel retorted. "But Finn can be quite creative and romantic."

Puck snorted as he watched Rachel reach up and caress Finn's cheek gently. "Well he is the same guy who handed out Snoopy Valentine's every year."

Rachel quirked an eyebrow. "_Snoopy_? That explains the-"

"Ok, how about we do some shots?" Finn asked quickly before she could divulge about his mom buying him special boxers, something he knew he'd never hear the end of from the guys. He gestured to the passing waitress, signifying a round of shots. "And it's your turn, Rach."

She examined the pool table. "Are you going to help me?"

He grinned. "Sure. Which balls you want?"

"I'm gonna guess the blue ones in your pants, Hudson," Puck answered for Rachel with a snicker.

"Funny Puckerman. I meant the balls on the table," Finn snapped as he got in position behind Rachel. "Now which solid color do you want to hit? The brown one will be easy."

She appraised the ball colors critically, well aware of his proximity and his hands guiding hers on the cue stick. "No, the brown is ugly. I like the red one."

"You sure? The red one will be hard," Finn commented doubtfully.

"Incoming!" Puck hissed. "Everyone look busy. Don't make eye contact!"

Rachel watched confused as all the boys immediately began looking busy. "What's going on?"

Finn pushed himself against her, murmuring into her ear. "Don't look. Just play."

"You guys need a fourth?"

"We're good, thanks," Finn replied as he helped Rachel push the cue stick. As predicted, the red ball didn't budge, but the cue ball managed to hit a striped one, sending it right into a pocket.

Rachel beamed, straightening up to hug Finn. "Look! I got the green striped ball in!"

Finn ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, that's bad, Rach."

"Why? I got it in!" She stood on her toes, wrapping her arms around his neck and not noticing how quickly his hands came to rest on her waist.

"Obviously, you're unaware of standard pool rules which state that you must sink the balls that correspond to the type you first sunk, stripes or solids. I run a blog on it, I should know."

Rachel turned her head at the new voice, her mouth dropping open in surprise. "Jacob?"

"Rachel?"

"You know Jewfro?" Puck demanded, his head swiveling between Rachel still in Finn's arms and the unwelcome interruption.

"_Jacob_ is the casting director for _Mary Poppins_," Rachel explained as she disentangled herself from Finn. She eyed Jacob, wondering if she could get some information out of him about Will calling. "How have you been?"

"I've been better," he replied, blatantly checking her out.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Rachel murmured with false sympathy. Trying not to be grossed out, she placed a hand on his arm. "I'm sure it's a highly stressful job you have."

"You have _no_ idea. Especially now that Will is down with pneumonia," Jacob replied, pushing his glasses up his nose.

Rachel exchanged a glance with Finn. "Will has pneumonia?"

"He got it just after your audition," Jacob explain, attempting to step closer to Rachel by stepping in between her and Finn. "It's really thrown a wrench in casting, since Will _insists_ on having the final say and making the calls himself."

"So he hasn't called anyone?" Rachel questioned, once again trying not to be repulsed by placing her hand on his arm and squeezing.

"Nope. But don't worry, I've still got your personal number, which I'm _sure_ you're aware of." Emboldened by the hand on his arm, he reached out and twisted a lock of her hair around his fingers as he closed his eyes. "Ooooh. It's better than I imagined."

Horrified, Rachel looked to Finn, who took charge and very firmly removed Jacob's hand from her hair. Not wanting to ruin Rachel's shot at stardom, he kept his temper in check, appealing to Jacob's pathetic attempts to join their group. "Okayyy. We were just about to do some shots, Jewf.._Jacob_. You want to do some shots with us?"

Jacob glanced up at Finn before looking back at Rachel, thrilled to be spending more time with them. He nodded eagerly as the waitress approached with the round of shots. "Yes!"

"Whoa!" Puck hissed, grabbing Finn's shirt. "What the fuck? Are we gonna dump him in a dumpster later?"

"Dude! He's the casting director for Rachel's show! He can make or break her career. We're hanging with him," Finn whispered firmly. "_Be nice_."

"We'll _never_ get rid of him," Puck stressed. "Never. This'll be worse than that foreign kid you insisted on hanging around with in high school, the one who smelled like cheese."

"Shut up and deal." He plucked a shot glass off the tray, handing it to him as Rachel did the same to Jacob, laughing at something Jacob said. "And Slawomir's mom made amazing pierogies."

"But-"

"No. _Be nice._" He turned to the rest of the group, pleased to see that Rachel had handed out shots to everyone. "Everyone ready? Count of three."

Nodding they all downed their shots. Rachel slammed her shot glass back on the tray, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She hiccupped slightly before smiling at Jacob, who looked like Hanukkah had come early.

"So Jacob, Puck and I were just playing Finn and Rachel in pool. Maybe you'd like to play with Rachel while Finn and I go get drinks?" Santana asked sweetly, handing Jacob a pool cue.

"What? No! I don't need another drink!" Rachel cried, horrified at the thought of being left alone with Jacob. "Finn doesn't need to go."

"Oh but he does. I need his big ass to carry all the drinks because I'm sure as hell not doing it." Without even asking what anyone wanted, she grabbed Finn's arm pulling him away before he could protest, leaving Rachel with Jacob and a surly Noah.

"I'll be on Noah's team," Rachel announced, pulling Sam from the dart game he was watching between Artie and Rory. "Sam can be Jacob's partner."

"Fuck no. You suck and not in a good way," Puck replied. "Evans is with me."

"Don't worry, Rachel. I'll help you," Jacob added eagerly, his grin lecherous.

"Great." Realizing this might help her career, she resigned herself to playing with Jacob, giving him a brilliant smile. She glanced at the bar, noticing that once again Finn and Santana were deep in conversation as they waited for drinks. He must've sensed her staring because he pulled out his phone, typing a message while Santana ordered.

She grinned when her phone beeped, quickly opening it to see what he'd sent.

_**Does she really carry razors in her hair?**_

Laughing, she sidestepped Jacob's attempts to put his arm on the small of her back as she typed.

**_Of course not. Don't let her fool you about that. Razors aren't her thing. She'd be much more likely to poison you, having access to a wide variety of drugs. Or give you mono, whichever is easier._**

She watched him read the message, noticing his right eyebrow quirk up in surprise. He looked over at her and grinned, giving a small wave. Smiling widely, she waved back, Noah's bitching about the shot Sam had just missed going completely unheard next to her. Santana chose that moment to turn around, stepping closer to Finn and continuing whatever they were talking about.

The thought crossed her mind that once again Santana might ruin this for him.

And _maybe_ for her.

* * *

><p>"Well that didn't go to bad," Finn announced as they climbed out of the subway. He pulled Rachel closer to him, wary of thieves taking advantage of her slightly tipsy state.<p>

"I think it was a splendid dress rehearsal!" she bubbled, slipping her hand into his. "Even with Jacob showing up. But being the brilliant actress that I am, it didn't throw me at all. Your friends firmly believed that we're dating. Sam even said I'm allowed to meet Kurt."

Finn rolled his eyes. "They're unbelievable."

"You really didn't have to escort me home, you know. It's quite chivalrous, but completely unnecessary." She gripped his hand harder, swinging their hands lightly. "I would have been fine. I carry a rape whistle you know."

"Oh it was necessary, even with the whistle. I can't have you being kidnapped. I'd have to take Santana to the party tomorrow and I don't think that would go over well," Finn teased.

"I could have just gone with Santana to Brittany's apartment," Rachel insisted. "I carry my headphones, so I could have blocked out the noise."

"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't escort my girlfriend home?" he joked.

"A very bad one," she agreed. She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Mike..."

He glanced down at her wondering what she'd been about to say but not pushing the issue. His mind drifted back to his conversation with Santana.

_"So here's the deal," Santana announced once they were out of earshot of Rachel. "I told you once, you hurt her and I will cut you with the razors in my hair, pretend boyfriend or not."_

_"I'm not going to hurt her! Why don't you believe me?" he demanded._

_She discreetly cupped him through his jeans. "Because you think with that and despite what she thinks of herself, Rachel has a hot little body. I'm telling you, you hurt her and that's the first thing to go."_

_He blanched at that, taking a step backwards to get out of the tight hold she had his penis in. "I told you I won't."_

_"Yeah because I believe that. I'm sick of the men in Rachel's life secretly dicking her over," Santana snapped. _

_"Huh? What are you talking about?" Finn asked, confused._

_"Nothing. I'm just sick of secrets."_

_"I only need her to be my pretend girlfriend for one day," Finn explained. "It's really not a big deal."_

_"God you're stupid. This could be your chance and you don't even know it," Santana muttered as she turned towards the bartender. "And she's just as stupid for not realizing it."_

_"Huh?"_

_"Never mind."_

She gave his hand a squeeze, snapping him out of his reverie. "I had fun tonight, you know."

"Yeah? Even with Jacob trying to cop a feel?"

"Trying being the key word. I shifted quickly and he ended up grabbing Noah's rear end," Rachel announced proudly.

Finn chuckled. "He almost crapped in his pants when Puck turned around."

Rachel laughed, the sound filling the cold night air. "I'm excited for tomorrow. Especially since I know Jacob can't show up."

"Well it was kind of good that he did though, right? At least you know why you haven't gotten a call." He glanced down at her, watching in concern as she shivered.

"True." She placed her free hand on top of their enjoined ones, the heat from their joined hands warming her fingers. "I wish it wasn't so cold."

He glanced down at her legs, clad only in tights and released her hand to unzip his coat. "Come here."

She smiled, allowing herself to be pulled under his coat with him. Trying to make herself warmer, she wrapped her arms around his waist, the heat from his body immediately making her warmer as she buried her face against his sweater. "Mmm. You're like a toaster, Finn."

He laughed. "I think that's the first time I've ever been told that."

They continued walking like that, Rachel under his coat and her arms around his waist, while his own arms were wrapped around her. Finn's hand rubbed her arm, trying to make her warmer as a thought occured to him. "Hey Rach?"

"Yes?"

"She didn't call did she?"

Rachel looked up from under his coat, her head still pressed against his sweater. "Actually, now that I think about it, she didn't call all day. Neither did Cornelius."

"Really?" he asked, slightly worried. "She's _never_ not called."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Rachel asked, shifting her face to look up at him again. "I would think it would be."

"I'm not sure. She was supposed to be at...never mind." He trailed off, his hand absently rubbing her arm harder. "You getting warmer?"

"Much." She snuggled deeper into his body, rubbing her face against his chest as Finn pulled the jacket tighter around her with his free hand. A few minutes passed in a comfortable silence and she frowned as they reached her building, reluctantly removing herself from under his coat to fish her keys out of her bag. She paused on the steps of the building, making her even in height with Finn. "So I guess I'll see you tomorrow? The 3:55 from Grand Central right?"

"Yup. You don't have to wear your dress there, if you don't want to. We'll be early so you can get ready at Aunt Bernie's."

"Oh! I'm glad you told me! I would have been _so_ embarrassed to meet your mother dressed to the nines if no one else was," Rachel admonished, placing her hands on his shoulders.

"She wouldn't care. Don't listen to Puck," Finn promised.

She laughed. "So I don't need to bring my boxing gloves?"

"Only if you wear a knockoff and Kurt sees it," Finn decided. "You'll need some way to defend yourself if that happens."

"I'll have you know that I took self defense in my preparation for my move to New York," Rachel huffed.

"And yet you still got phonejacked," Finn mused, laughing when an indignant Rachel smacked his chest. "Maybe you should carry some razors like Santana."

"Had I known I was about to be phonejacked, I would have been prepared to do one of my self defense moves," she defended crossing her arms.

He laughed. "You better get inside and get warm before you get sick."

"I take a healthy regimen of vitamins, I won't get sick. You on the other hand have an open coat."

He shrugged. "I'm not worried. Apparently I'm part toaster."

"Still." She stared at him, reaching for the zipper of his coat, slowly pulling it up while her eyes maintained contact with his. "There. Much better."

"So..." He shifted, unsure of what to do.

"So I'll see you tomorrow at 3:55," Rachel promised. She leaned forward impulsively, placing a soft kiss on his cheek. "Goodbye Finn."

"Bye Rachel." He watched her go up the stairs and into her building, waiting until the door shut behind her before he began walking back to the subway. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out, grinning when he saw the message.

**_Just so you know, you're an awesome pretend boyfriend._**

He quickly typed out a cheeky message.

**_I know._**

His phone beeped almost immediately, revealing a picture of Rachel and Cosette along with the message.

**_Despite your response, Cosette insisted we say good night._**

He smiled at the picture of Rachel now in pajamas decorated with cupcakes.

3:55 suddenly couldn't come quick enough.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: To the reader who says my lack of updates is out of laziness, questions my dedication and is forced to wait for updates: I work in Manhattan, leaving very early in the morning and coming home late after taking two different subway routes and a regular train each way. I'm sorry my having a life forces you to wait for updates but there are nights when I come home and I just don't feel like writing because I am TIRED. I honestly shouldn't even have to justify updating, something I enjoy and do for FREE but there it is_.**

_**Ironically, your review has caused this update to be delayed more since I stopped writing for a few days to think about how to put this in.**_


	11. Pre-Show Meet n' Greet

**_Disclaimer: Glee is not mine._**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Sometimes, the two people most meant for each other are the last two to realize it.<em>**

**_-Unknown_**

* * *

><p>"Dress. Check. Shoes. Check. Jewelry. Check."<p>

Rachel stared at her ensemble spread out on the bed, wondering if she should switch out the heels Santana had lent her for another pair. She eyed a pair of patent leather Mary Janes lying nearby, debating adding it to her little rolling suitcase. Deciding to bring them as _backup/her feet hurt/Santana doesn't know what she's talking about _shoes, she took a step towards them.

"Don't even think about it."

Damn. She peeked over her shoulder, wondering when Santana had arrived. Putting on her best _I wasn't going to do what you think I was going to do_ face, she turned around, a hand on her hip. "Don't think about what?"

Santana smirked as she leaned against the door frame. "Like you don't know. You were planning on slipping those Mary Janes that no one over the age of 4 wears but you think are sexy into your suitcase."

"They're far more sensible than those heels you lent me!" Rachel defended, pointing to the designer shoe box on the bed next to her suitcase. "And I've seen women wear Mary Janes. They aren't just for toddlers."

"Rachel." Santana strode over to the Mary Janes, grabbing one with a look of distaste on her face. Carefully, she sat on the bed, pulling out one of the heels she'd lent Rachel. She admired the shoe for a moment before she held up both for Rachel to see side by side. "Look. In my left hand is your cheap discount store patent leather kitten heeled Mary Jane that I'm embarrassed to be holding. This thing should not be allowed outside a preschool unless you're a spinster librarian named Marian."

"_Hey!_ Those shoes cost-"

"In my right hand is a silver cuff sandal with a four and a half inch heel designed by Manolo Blahnik," Santana plowed on, ignoring Rachel's protests. "This shoe screams sexy, intelligent _woman._"

"Intelligent? How is paying seven hundred dollars for shoes _intelligent_?" Rachel demanded; a hand on her hip.

Santana opened her mouth to respond. "That's-"

**_I'm a Bitch/I'm a Lover/ I'm a Child/I'm a Mother…_**

Sighing, Rachel reached for the phone, cursing the fact that this was the fifth time she'd heard that ringtone today. "Hello?"

_"I'm out of tampons. Go pick some up."_

As usual, the phone was hung up before Rachel could say anything and she rolled her eyes, immediately texting Finn the message.

**_She needs tampons. Go get her some._**

"Texting again?" Santana pointed at Rachel with the Manolo, her eyebrow arched.

"I'm simply passing on a message," Rachel huffed. "You know I have to pass on messages from her. It's of the utmost importance to his career."

"Uh huh. And what's this message of the utmost importance say?" Santana demanded, her eyes immediately noticing the grin on Rachel's face as her phone beeped.

"She needs Finn to get her tampons," Rachel replied, giggling at Finn's response.

**_No way. I am not doing that._**

"How is getting someone tampons a career boost for the Manny? He going to be allowed to watch two kids if he gets super absorbency?" Santana mocked, watching Rachel texting furiously.

**_Why not? It's just tampons._**

"Don't be stupid, Santana," Rachel snapped, tearing her eyes from her phone for a moment. "It's his chance to get noticed."

How he'd get noticed she wasn't sure, since Finn was still keeping her in the dark as to exactly why this woman was so important to his career but it seemed to be really important to him so she'd made sure to send all messages immediately. She couldn't help it if passing on his messages generally started a texting conversation. And it certainly wasn't her fault that the text conversations often lasted hours.

"Whatever. Explain to me why you aren't getting ready?" Santana asked, already bored of the conversation. "Isn't tonight the night the Manny gets to pretend he bangs you?"

"We're going to be early so we'll get ready there. The party doesn't start until seven," Rachel explained, busy looking at her phone.

**_I'm a dude. I can't go down that aisle. I can't. It's like a rule._**

"And what's with the suitcase? I thought this was a one night thing?"

"it's just got my shoes, hair supplies and makeup in it," Rachel replied, rolling her eyes as she checked her makeup bag and typed a message to Finn. "Oh and my jewelry."

**_I don't think they'll ask to see proof of a vagina before you're allowed to go down the feminine hygiene aisle, Finn._**

"Jewelry?" Santana stared, her interest piqued. "You're wearing the ring?"

"Of course. It matches my necklace," Rachel replied, distracted by an incoming text.

**_I'm not doing it. I can't._**

"You're really bringing it?" Santana lunged for the travel jewelry box Rachel had sitting on her bed, dying to see for herself that Rachel was actually going to bring her engagement ring. She opened the box, confused when she saw only a simple pair of diamond earrings, plus a silver infinity necklace and matching ring Rachel's dads had given her. A quick check of Rachel's left hand showed it was devoid of any rings. "Hold up. Where's your engagement ring?"

"Huh? It's over there somewhere." Rachel pointed vaguely to her bureau, busy with her phone. "I took it off the other day and I think I put it over there."

**_ It's not a big deal._**

Once again, Santana stared, trying to remember the last time she'd seen that monstrosity of a ring on Rachel's finger_. _She eyed Rachel, who seemed more preoccupied with checking to make sure that she had her curling iron _and_ straightener in her suitcase along with the necessary styling products for each than with the whereabouts of her engagement ring. "It doesn't bother you that you're not wearing it?"

Rachel shrugged. "Not really. Do you think I should bring the extra hold hair spray or the medium hold? Finn says there'll be a dance floor and I don't want my hair to fall." She stared at Santana expectantly. "You know what? I'll just bring both."

Her question self answered she placed both in the suitcase just as her phone beeped. She lunged for it, ignoring Santana's narrowed eyes watching her.

**_It really is. This is a girl job. You use it, you buy it._**

Rachel rolled her eyes at the text as she added a can of mousse to her suitcase_. _She paused for a moment before typing_._

**_Really? That seems archaic. Does that mean I'd never have to buy a box of condoms?_**

"I really don't think it matters if your hair falls. The Manny will be drooling either way," Santana replied dryly. "He was practically undressing you with his eyes at the bar."

Rachel looked up from her phone. "He was not."

"And how would you know? You were too busy dry humping him while attempting to play pool," Santana commented. "Very poorly, I might add."

"It's called acting, Santana," Rachel snapped. "I'm playing the role of his girlfriend, remember?"

Santana snorted. "Please. You're not that good of an actress. That was all real."

"I assure you it was not," Rachel huffed as she checked her phone. "I was simply doing what was necessary for the role."

Santana scoffed. "You keep thinking that."

"I will because it's true," Rachel said firmly. She glanced down at Finn's incoming message.

**_Have you ever?_**

She huffed. If she absolutely _**had**_ to she would, but Mike always had them in his drawer so there had never been a need for her to do it. Reluctantly, she typed back an honest answer.

**_Well no._**

"Lover's spat?"

"Shut up, Santana," Rachel snapped, pulling the zipper on her suitcase with more force than she intended. Her annoyance at her friend disappeared when her phone beeped.

**_That's because it's a guy's job._**

Santana held up her hands. "It's no business of mine what you fight about with the boyfriend you really want to hump."

"Thank you. I'm glad you finally see it my way." Rachel looked down at her phone as she began to type, seemingly unaware of Santana's dig.

**_ So you buy the condoms in our relationship?_**

Her text sent, she turned back to Santana. "Do you have anything else you'd like to comment on? My dress, maybe?"

"I picked it out, so no," Santana decided. "I do have a few more comments about the Manny though, starting with his weird shaped chest."

"His chest is amazing," Rachel snapped, blushing at the memory.

"Oh? And how would you know?" Santana's eyebrow arched as she waited for Rachel's answer.

Rachel's blush grew at Santana's implication. "Cornelius spilled his drink while they were working out and Finn had to take his shirt off. Carlotta insisted."

"Did she also insist that you stare?"

"I wasn't staring. I was simply providing the entertainment along with Percival and Finn happened to be in my line of vision," Rachel huffed, checking her phone to see if Finn had responded.

Santana rubbed her temples. "I didn't understand half of that."

"Oh, well Percival is-"

"Save it. I don't care that much," Santana interjected. "I just wish you'd admit you want him like he wants you."

"I don't-"

"You do."

"I'm engaged!"

"And yet you spend more time on the phone with the Manny than the Asian. That should tell you something," Santana pointed out.

Rachel didn't answer, choosing to glare at Santana before she checked her phone again.

**_Absolutely. But being the amazingly thoughtful guy I am, I do get the ones that say 'for her pleasure on them.'_**

She giggled at that, her fingers flying as her anger at Santana dissipated.

**_Very generous of you. I really think you're making too big a deal out of this._**

"What are you doing?" Rachel asked as she looked up to see Santana texting. "Are you texting?"

"What, you think you're the only one who can text?" Her text sent, Santana crossed her arms to stare at Rachel.

"Who are you texting?" Rachel demanded suspiciously, not putting it past Santana to steal Finn's number from her phone.

"If you must know, I'm texting Puckerman," Santana replied, busy examining her fingernails.

"Noah? You're texting Noah? _Finn's_ Noah?" she stipulated, slightly worried what this could mean for her.

"You know another?"

"Why? What are you talking about?" she demanded. "Did you tell him?"

Santana held up her hand. "Relax, the Manny's secret's safe with me. I was just updating Puckerman about our bet."

"Oh ok." Rachel glanced down at her phone quickly reading what Finn had sent with a smile on her face before her head snapped up. "Wait what?"

**_Yeah? Then go buy some condoms._**

"Puckerman and I had a bet about how long you two will last at the birthday party before doing the Horizontal Mambo, hopefully not on the dance floor," Santana commented.

"You bet on _what_?" Rachel screeched. "I'm not going to be sleeping with him!"

"Please. You're like a cat in heat around him," Santana retorted. "Just try to do it within the first hour and a half, otherwise Puckerman wins."

Rachel zipped her suitcase up with a huff, pulling it off the bed and placing it on the floor before she typed a response. "You two are abhorrent."

_** Maybe I will.**_

There. That should shut him up. She had no intention of ever buying condoms but he didn't need to know that. She pulled the handle of her suitcase up, pleased she'd one upped him and strode purposefully past Santana, head held high.

"That may be but you can't deny it," Santana insisted as she followed Rachel and her suitcase out of the room. "Neither of you are subtle."

Rachel ignored her, busy checking her phone.

_**You won't. You say you will, but you won't.**_

She bristled at that. How dare he presume to know what she would or wouldn't do? "What nerve!"

"Let me guess, the Manny ask you to start a babysitters club with him?"

"He says that I would _say_ I'd buy a box of condoms but when it comes time to get them, I won't do it," Rachel huffed as she typed. "Do you believe that?"

_**That's rich, considering you won't buy tampons, which are in no way as embarrassing as condoms.**_

"The Manny is right," Santana announced to Rachel's indignation. "You got embarrassed at that sex toy party I threw."

"There were people demonstrating the toys!" she cried. "And I _would_ buy condoms."

"Puck's not the only one getting fooled," Santana muttered.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rachel demanded, not even bothering to look up as she read a new message.

_**They're more embarrassing. Buying condoms lets people know I'll be having sex soon. Buying tampons just means people think I'm whipped.**_

"Nothing. Just that you should wake up."

"Oh. Well if you'll excuse me, I have a show to do and I have to make a stop somewhere else before the train," Rachel announced as she wheeled towards the door.

"Make sure you get the condoms that are beneficial to you," Santana commented dryly.

Rachel whirled around. "I'm not...How did you..."

"Please. I know you. You're going to buy condoms just to prove me and the Manny wrong," Santana stated, pleased to see that she'd finally thrown Rachel. "Which is actually a good thing, since I'm sure you'll need them at the party."

Rachel flipped her hair over her shoulder. "I'm an enigma. You have no idea what I'm going to do."

"Yeah, I do. and if I were you, I'd get the warming sensations pack," Santana replied. "Just make sure you get some extra lube. You'll probably need it, if the Manny can even figure out what he's doing down there."

"Santana!" Rachel screeched, the image of Finn naked in a bed immediately inundating her mind. "I'm sure Finn's skills are more than adequate."

Santana arched an eyebrow. "Not from what I heard from Puckerman. The Manny can't even get a bra off without taking lessons from Puck apparently. Congratulations Rachel. Both boyfriends, real and imaginary, are lame in the sack."

Rachel frowned. "I'm sure Finn is not lame. He's a cuddler. Cuddlers are generally quite thoughtful in bed."

"Yeah? Well when you cuddle after sex, call me and let me know," Santana retorted, noticing that Rachel had only defended Finn and not Mike.

"I'm done talking about this," Rachel announced as she opened her door. "It's show time. I'll call you tomorrow. Try not to eat all my food."

She strode over to the stairs, marching down them and out the door, her mind on her previous conversation as she dragged her suitcase to the corner drugstore.

Steeling her resolve, she paused open the door, quickly locating the condom aisle. She gulped, eying the different boxes. She hadn't realized there'd be so _many_. A box caught her eye and she smiled as she caught the words _for her pleasure_ on them.

Her phone rang at that moment and she grinned, recognizing the _Baywatch_ tune she'd programmed for Finn, her mind immediately conjuring up an image of him in a bathing suit. Still staring at the boxes, she picked up. "Hello?"

_"There's like 90 different types of tampons! You have to help me!"_

She laughed at the panic in his voice. "Well, what day is it?"

_"It's Saturday."_

She laughed. "No I meant what day of her cycle is it?"

_"Uh, the day that makes her more of a bitch than usual?"_

"I'd say the beginning then but get the combo box to be sure," Rachel decided, picking up a box that said 'rough rider', curious to see what it did.

_"But there's a box that says sports and this one says 360! Is that a tampon a day or something?"_

She burst out laughing. "That's degrees, Finn. It provides more coverage supposedly."

_"Oh. What brand should I get?"_

"She didn't say?" she asked, now looking at a box called 'pleasure pack.'

_"No. What brand do you use?"_

"I'm not telling you!" she cried. "That's personal."

_"Oh come on. Just tell me."_

"Fine. You tell me what brand of condoms you use," she bargained.

_"Trojan. Now spill."_

"Playtex, but don't blame me if that's the wrong brand," Rachel retorted, eyeing the Trojan boxes and sorely tempted to ask what _specifically_ he used. "I get the pink box."

_"Got it. Lemme pay and get these to her before she calls you again."_

"You ever going to tell me what her deal is?" Rachel asked, picking up the Trojan pleasure pack again_._

_"Gotta go. See you at the train. Bye."_

She frowned at the brush off, more determined than ever to find out who this person is. For now though, she can at least prove Finn and Santana wrong by buying the condoms. Head held high and clutching the pleasure pack to her chest, she strode determinedly over to cashier and joined the line, ignoring the looks she was getting as she waited patiently.

"Good afternoon," she said pleasantly when it was her turn. The cashier, an elderly lady, smiled in return. "Would you mind taking a picture of me?"

"Not at all dear," the cashier replied.

Beaming, Rachel set up her phone and handed it over, her mind running through all 36 of her prepared poses. Finally settling on her product placement pose, she placed the box the appropriate distance from her face, her smile wide. "I'm ready."

Startled, the cashier snapped the picture, ringing the condoms up as Rachel examined her photo before sending it off to both Finn and Santana.

There. Let them think they know her.

She paid for her condoms, slipping them into her suitcase before she strolled outside, wrapping her coat tighter against the frigid air and wondering who'd be the first to respond. Her phone beeped about a minute later, ending her wait and she opened a message from Finn.

_**Pleasure Pack...Kinky. Bet that's a box of candy you photoshopped to look like condoms. You on your way?**_

She huffed at his response, partly out of annoyance at him and partly out of annoyance at herself for not thinking of that.

**_Of course I'm on my way. I am never late for a performance. I once read that Barbra shows up 10 minutes early for every performance or interview so I choose to do the same._**

Head held high, she marched towards the train station ready to put on the greatest performance of her life.

* * *

><p>His tampon mission successful, Finn paced nervously, shifting his suit bag from arm to arm as he waited for Rachel to arrive. They'd agreed to meet at 3:30 in front of the Starbucks in Grand Central and the time was now 3:25 with Rachel, '<em>Ms. I'm always 10 minutes early'<em> nowhere insight. His pacing increased as he wondered if he should start thinking of excuses for why he's arriving at the party alone, just in case Rachel had backed out.

He pulled out his phone, checking to see if Rachel had texted him, but the only thing she'd sent recently was the picture she'd taken of herself with a box of condoms and the message following it. In spite of the fact that he knew she'd sent it to prove a point, he couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to use those condoms with Rachel.

"Finn!"

He looked up to see object of his musing powerwalking towards him, a bright pink hard-shelled suitcase being towed behind her and he couldn't help but smile when he saw her waving excitedly at him. "You made it! I was starting to think you changed your mind."

"Well of course I made it," she huffed. "It would be rude and unprofessional to cancel at the last minute."

He resisted the urge to ask if it was rude and unprofessional to arrive only five minutes early, choosing instead to take the handle of her suitcase from her. "I bought our tickets already."

She beamed, shifting her dress bag from one arm to the other. "Great! That means we have ample time to get some coffee before the train."

"Sounds good," he replied easily, following her into Starbucks and onto the line.

"On second thought, I think I want a Hot Chocolate," Rachel announced, peering at the menu. "It's so cold outside, I thought my face was going to freeze while I walked to the subway."

"Yeah I know, I-" He trailed off as he noticed a curly haired man nearby waiting to pick up his drink. "Oh no."

"What?" Rachel asked, her eyes following his.

"Let's go get coffee at another place." He took a few steps backwards, watching as the curly haired man examined the drink the barista handed him critically.

"That would be silly. We're almost at the front of the line," Rachel reasoned, stepping forward. "Why the sudden switch?"

"Excuse me! Barista! I ordered a Venti Caffé Mocha-nonfat-sugar free-no whip with Hazelnut. This is _clearly_ a Caffé with 2% milk. Do you _know_ what that could do to my vocal chords?" the curly haired man demanded loudly.

"_That's_ why." Finn nodded his head at the curly haired man. "That's my Aunt Bernadette's husband's nephew. Let's get out of here before he sees us."

"Oh! He's family?" Rachel exclaimed. "We should say hello, not leave!"

"Jesse's _not_ family. He's not related to me," Finn said firmly. "He's a real tool. Now can we go?"

"Alright, even though we're next on line," Rachel replied, looking longingly at the drink in Jesse's hand. Jesse chose that moment to look up, his eyes falling on a staring Rachel. He shot her a smile and a wink as the barista handed him a new drink.

Rachel immediately took a step backwards, ready to follow Finn, who'd already turned to go.

With a self assured air, Jesse walked over to Rachel. "Why hello. I couldn't help but notice you staring at me and I can assure you it's true. You really are looking at the one and only Jesse St. James."

"Save it Jesse. That's my girlfriend you're very poorly hitting on," Finn announced, turning around.

"Finn! I didn't see you there and with that enormous body, that's saying something," Jesse replied smoothly. He turned back to Rachel. "Does your girlfriend have a name?"

"I'm Rachel, Rachel Berry," Rachel replied, taking another step backwards towards Finn.

"Can I presume that you're on your way to Uncle Howard's?" Jesse enquired, taking a sip of his drink.

"We are. Now if you'll excuse us, it's our turn to order. I guess we'll see you at Aunt Bernie's," Finn replied shortly as he stepped up to the counter, quickly placing the order for Rachel's hot chocolate and a coffee for himself, plus a cookie.

"I'll wait. It'll give me time to get to know Rachel." He took another sip of his drink. "Is this your first time going to one of Kurt's little parties?"

"Kurt throws amazing parties, Jesse," Finn retorted tightly as he paid. "You know he's done celebrity parties."

"Really?" Rachel squealed. "You didn't tell me that! Like who?"

"You mean that B list actress on a soap opera? I'd hardly call that a celebrity," Jesse scoffed as he looked down at the pink suitcase by Finn's feet. "Nice suitcase. That the latest in exercise gear?"

"Don't you have a train to catch?" Finn demanded.

"So Jesse, how are you related to Finn?" Rachel cut in, attempting to smooth out the tension. "Finn said through Aunt Bernadette?"

Jesse nodded, following them as they stepped to the side to wait for their order. "Her husband Howard is my mother's older brother."

"Lucky for us," Finn muttered under his breath, just loud enough for Rachel to hear.

"I must say, I'm a little surprised to meet you," Jesse went on. "It's quite unusual to see Finn with a girl. Our side of the family was starting to wonder."

Finn glared at Jesse as he accepted the coffee the barista was holding out. Rachel, correctly assuming this was taking a turn for the worse, placed a reassuring hand on Finn's arm as she spoke to Jesse.

"Are you here alone?" she asked sweetly, weaving the arm not holding her garment bag into Finn's.

"As it happens, yes. My career is far too involved for me to maintain a relationship at the same time. We can't all spend our spend our days playing with weights like Finn," Jesse boasted.

Rachel gripped Finn's arm as a warning and he stayed silent, busy getting the hot chocolate from the barista. "What is it-_oh_!"

Her eyes widened in horror as an elderly woman passing behind Jesse suddenly tripped and crashed into his back, making him spill his coffee all over himself. She couldn't help but smirk a little at the sight of him sputtering and covered in coffee. Next to her, Finn was not even bothering to conceal his smile.

"Wow that sucks, Jesse," Finn commented, his voice loaded with false sympathy. He handed Rachel her hot chocolate. "Well, guess we'll get going. Ready babe?"

Rachel barely had time to utter a goodbye to Jesse as she hurried after Finn, her mind registering the term of endearment.

"God, I hate him," Finn muttered as they strolled along the concourse to their platform. "I was hoping he'd stay in Ohio."

"He's from Ohio?" Rachel asked in spite of herself. "What part?"

His forehead scrunched in thought and she couldn't help but notice how cute it looked. "Uh I'm not sure. I know he's like a big time glee club director or something. He never shuts up about it. Vocal something."

Rachel gasped. "Vocal Adrenaline?"

"I guess so." He shrugged. "You know them?"

"They were the four time national champions till my high school glee club, the New Directions, beat them my senior year," Rachel announced proudly.

"I knew I liked you," Finn teased as they arrived at their platform. "Make sure you rub that in his face."

"I'll be sure to do that," she replied as she followed him onto the train. He gestured for her to sit next to the window, giving her his coffee to hold while he placed her suitcase and their bags on the rack above them.

"Geez, what do you have in here?" he grunted as he lifted her suitcase. "I could use this for free weights."

"My hair and makeup products. I had to prepare for every hair possibility, since I wasn't sure what the weather would be," Rachel replied, watching him lift the suitcase. Her eyes landed on the expanse of skin being exposed just above his jeans as he lifted, noticing the band of his boxers sticking out.

"Is that a heart I see?" she gasped.

"Huh?" He finished putting the luggage up and sat down, taking his coffee back from her as he sat down next to her.

"On your boxers. I saw a heart just now, you hypocrite," she retorted. "Mr. _I-won't-wear-holiday-boxers-after-the-holiday_ was just caught wearing Valentine's boxers after Valentine's Day, admit it."

"Checking me out?" he teased, not willing to admit that he was in fact wearing Super Mario boxers that _may_ have a heart or two on them.

"Your groin just happened to be in my line of vision," she retorted. "And don't try to change the subject. Are those Valentine's boxers or not?"

He sipped his coffee before answering. "They are not."

"Liar. I saw a heart," she insisted.

"That doesn't mean anything."

"Yes, it does. You have outdated holiday underwear on, I know it. Let me see." She leaned over, attempting to lift his shirt.

"No way!" he cried, blocking her hand.

"Finn! Let me see!" She moved her hand again, accidentally tickling his stomach. Grinning once she realized he was ticklish, she tickled harder, causing him to cover his stomach.

"Knock it off!" he gasped between bursts of laughter.

"Are you going to admit it?" she demanded, still tickling.

"They're Super Mario boxers!" he finally exclaimed. "He's dressed as the doctor of love, but they're not Valentine's! It's a known fact that Mario is a ladies man!"

She tickled him again. "That counts."

"Does not." He gripped her hand, stilling her tickling. "Of course this means I get to see yours now."

She smiled, pulling her hand from him. "You've already seen mine, Dr. Love."

He grinned, putting his coffee cup on the floor before he leaned closer and tickled her stomach. "Not today I haven't."

"Finn!" she squealed, her hands moving to block her stomach. "Don't!"

"Don't what?" He tickled her again, earning another squeal.

"Finn stop!" she cried, her tone implying otherwise.

"Come on, not even a bra strap?" he implored, still tickling as he leaned closer to whisper in her ear. "I _am_ your boyfriend, maybe you're wearing lingerie I bought for you."

She smiled coyly at him. "I doubt it. Noah told me you're afraid of lingerie."

"You gonna be like that?" he growled, tickling her harder.

She squealed, turning her body in an effort to get away from his hands. He moved closer, his body covering hers as he continued to tickle.

"How cute. The Tickle Monster's on the train," a dry voice cut in. "You're not in junior high school, Finn. There's better methods of foreplay."

Finn paused his tickling, looking over his shoulder at the unwelcome voice. He sat back against his seat, Rachel doing the same beside him, and glared up at Jesse's smug face next to him. "What do you want?"

"I'm simply finding a spot to sit for the ride to Uncle Howard's," Jesse replied, pulling his messenger bag off his body and placing it on the seat across from Finn.

"You're sitting here?" he groaned, conscious of Rachel slipping her arm through his and resting her head against his shoulder. "There's like a million empty seats in other cars."

"Don't be ridiculous, Finn." He unwrapped the scarf from around his neck as he sat down across from Rachel. "How else could I get acquainted with Rachel? Kurt always has the music so loud at these parties and since I'm sure we'll be at the same table, I won't be able to talk to her at the table with that blasting music."

"Don't bet on that," Finn muttered, knowing full well that Kurt, not a fan of Jesse either, had already done the seating arrangement and had placed Jesse far from them.

"Well Rachel, we have about a half hour before we get there," Jesse plowed on, ignoring Finn. "Being a renowned director, you probably know all about me, but I'm afraid I can't say the same about you. Finn's been rather tight lipped, which is strange considering what a big mouth he has."

Rachel's head shot off Finn's shoulder quickly. "You know, you look familiar," she commented sweetly. "Were you by any chance in Vocal Adrenaline when it lost to New Directions?"

Finn grinned as the look of smugness was immediately wiped off Jesse's face. "You mean Vocal Adrenaline has _lost_?" he asked in mock horror.

Jesse moved the hair off his forehead before he spoke. "The judging was lax that year. Everyone knows that."

Rachel's eyes narrowed. "Really? I heard that New Directions rendition of both _The Edge of Glory_ and _Paradise by the Dashboard Lights_ was phenomenal. Not to mention their lead singer's spectacular rendition of _It's All Coming Back to Me Now_."

"It was a little pitchy from what I remember," Jesse replied airily.

Rachel gasped. "Pitchy? _Pitchy_?"

Automatically, Finn's hand moved to grip Rachel's leg, correctly assuming that she was the one belting out Celine's hit song. She seemed to relax at his touch, calmly placing her head back against his shoulder as she glared at Jesse.

Jesse seemed unfazed by her glare, choosing to rewrap his scarf just so around his neck before he spoke again. "So Finn. I'm surprised you're showing your face at Uncle Howard's after last time, what with the fire and all."

"Fire?" Rachel asked immediatly.

"Finn didn't tell you?" Jesse replied innocently. "He practically burned my uncle's house down when he tried to barbecue."

"Burt _said_ to add the lighter fluid!"

"That doesn't mean the whole bottle," Jesse retorted. "Those flames were like three feet high. Poor Sugar's hair extensions caught fire!"

Rachel picked her head off Finn's shoulder, her hand in her coat pocket. "Really? You set her hair on fire?"

"Just the ends," Finn muttered, his face scarlet. "Once she was done yelling, she got on the phone with her stylist and ordered new extensions, so I don't see what the big deal was."

Yelling was a bit of an understatement. Screeching would probably be a better word for what Sugar had done when she'd realized her hair was on fire, but he figured that if she hadn't insisted on standing at the barbecue just because he was (despite her fear of being mistaken for the help), then her imported hair extensions wouldn't have been caught in the blaze.

"I can't tell you how annoyed Uncle Howard was that he had to buy a new barbecue," Jesse pressed. "That barbecue was vintage."

"Thats funny because Aunt Bernie _thanked_ me, since she'd been trying to get Uncle Howard to buy a new one forever," Finn snapped, growing more irritated with Jesse by the second. "And I did Sugar a favor, since she discovered a new hair style she liked better while she waited for her new hair extensions to arrive."

Rachel leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm sure both Aunt Bernadette and Sugar appreciated the gesture."

He grinned. "Well Aunt Bernie did secretly buy me the new Grand Theft Auto as thanks. Sugar just bought herself a present."

She giggled. "I won't be meeting her till later, right? She's not going to appear on this train, will she?"

"Absolutely not. She's afraid the paparazzi will snap her picture on the bus or train and people will suddenly think she's poor because of it."

"An understandable worry. You can't _imagine_ what it's like to have to worry about the paparazzi," Jesse agreed sagely.

"I'm sure the paps are really interested in a high school glee club director," Finn commented, sarcasm lacing his words. "I bet a pic of you with sheet music is worth big bucks."

"You have _no_ idea." He nodded firmly. "I have to carry decoy sheet music."

Jesse's phone rang just then and Finn listened to him bitch about some Vocal Adrenaline disaster for a minute before he felt his own phone beep. He pulled it out of his pocket, grinning when he saw the message.

_**Is Uncle Howard as much of an ass as his nephew?**_

He looked up just in time to see Rachel tucking her phone back into her pocket, a sly grin on her face. She wove her arm though his again, replacing her head on his shoulder. The simple action made him grin even more and he laced his fingers through hers, as per the relationship contract (and maybe because he wanted to).

Rachel squeezed his fingers and he suddenly felt like maybe, just maybe, they'll get though the night with no major humiliations and everyone will buy their story.

Maybe.

* * *

><p>"Tarrytown, this stop!"<p>

"That's us, Rach." He nudged her off his shoulder, where she'd been comfortably resting her head while her hands scrolled through his iPod on his lap. Thankfully, Jesse had dozed off, leaving them to discuss the merits and shortcomings of Finn's music library.

She looked up in surprise. "I thought we were going to Sleepy Hollow?"

"We are. That's why this is our stop," Finn whispered, standing up to grab their bags off the luggage racks. "We'll get a cab from here. Now shhh and hurry."

"Why are we whispering?" She stood up also, holding her hands out for the garment bags.

Finn maintained his hold on their luggage, nodding towards a sleeping Jesse. "You want to share a cab with him?" He smirked when a look of distaste crossed over Rachel's face as she pulled on her gloves. "Didn't think so. Lets go before he wakes up. Hopefully he ends up in Canada."

Rachel giggled, risking a glance at Jesse as she moved past him. Finn gestured for her to go, following her off the train as he wheeled her suitcase, the garment bags still slung over his arm.

Rachel shivered and wrapped her coat tightly around herself, the frigid air hitting her face immediately as she stepped onto the platform. She eyed Finn as he began to walk next to her, wishing she could snuggle under his coat again for warmth.

_"Finn! Over here!"_

Finn stopped in surprise, staring at a man leaning against a car nearby. "Oh awesome! Burt's here."

"Burt?" Rachel asked immediately, her mind going over his family tree. "As in Burt, the father of Kurt and husband of your mother? That Burt?"

"No, Burt as in the possibly gay roommate of Ernie," Finn quipped sarcastically. "Of course I mean my step-dad."

"I'm just checking. How emabarrassed would I have been if that Burt turned out to be a neighbor or local farmer and I wasted the greeting I planned for your stepdad?" she huffed as she followed him.

"You planned a greeting?" He cast an interested eye on her as he walked.

"Of course. I'm nothing if not prepared." Unable to hold his hand due to the luggage he was carrying, she gripped his elbow as they walked towards Burt and the waiting car.

"Burt's not that fancy, trust me." He smiled down at her. "You might want to save that speech for Kurt."

"I had a different one for him. Do you think I should switch?" she worried, gripping his elbow harder.

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure it's fine." His tone both assured and amused, he turned his attention to Burt. "Hey!"

"About time you got here. Mom and Kurt had me up here at 8AM," he greeted, adjusting his baseball cap. He stared at Rachel, who'd gripped Finn's elbow and forearm with both hands. "You must be the girl who's had Finn glued to his phone."

"Yeah, uh, Burt, this Rachel," Finn introduced, his cheeks tinged with pink. "Rachel, my step-dad Burt."

"We've heard a lot about you," Burt added with a grin, holding out his hand.

"Pleasure to meet you," Rachel replied, shaking his hand lightly.

"Let's get you two back to Bernadette's before we all freeze to death," Burt announced, taking the garment bags from Finn. "I've got the heat on, Rachel. Feel free to get warm in the car while I put Finn's pink suitcase in the trunk."

"Funny Burt." Finn opened the door, gesturing for Rachel to get in. "Hop in."

She slid in gracefully, glad to get out of the cold. Finn reached in, his lips close to her ear as he buckled her in.

"That was quite the greeting you gave Burt," he teased. "Bet it must've taken you a long time to come up with _pleasure to meet you_. Not to mention what a bitch it must've been to memorize."

"I altered at the last minute since you said Burt's not that fancy," she retorted, her cheeks pink from embarrassment.

"Uh huh, right. Can't wait to see what you've come up with for everyone else." His eyes twinkled as he finished buckling her seatbelt. "I mean, _pleasure to meet you_ really bowled Burt over, I can tell."

"Shut up." She pushed his face away with her hand playfully as he laughed.

"Finn! Your pink suitcase weighs a ton! Get out here and lift it in the trunk!" Burt called out.

"Be right back." He straightened and closed the door, walking around to the back of the car.

"Finally. I was afraid to lift your suitcase just in case people think it's mine," he teased. "You'll have to show your brother your bedazzled ID tag. You know he enjoys a good bedazzling."

"You're hysterical, you know that?" Finn grunted as he lifted the suitcase. "It's Rachel's. She's got all her hair crap in it because she says-"

"Tell me in the car. It's freezing out here," Burt interjected, already heading for the driver's side.

Finn nodded, slamming the trunk before he walked to the passenger's side. He paused at the door, surprised to see a very unwelcome figure in the form of Jesse sitting next to Burt.

The window slid down slightly. "Can you get your enormous body in the car so we can go? I need a cup of herbal tea, stat."

Annoyed, Finn stalked around to the other side of the car, sliding in next to Rachel, who immediately put her head on his shoulder, a comforting hand on his leg. "So Jesse, have a nice nap?"

Jesse turned around to look at him. "Despite not being woken up and almost missing my stop, I did. Luckily, a woman hit me with her bag as she passed, waking me up. I looked out the window and just happened to see Finn's pink suitcase so I hurried on over and got in from the cold."

"You couldn't have a black suitcase like everyone else?" Finn murmured to Rachel as Burt pulled out of the parking lot. she shrugged in response, her head still on his shoulder.

"So Rachel, Finn says-"

"Burt, did you know that I've brought a DVD of Vocal Adrenaline's performance at Regionals?" Jesse cut in. "We can watch it before the party and critique all the other squads, starting with New Directions."

Rachl glared from her perch on Finn's shoulder, her nails digging into his thigh. He shifted, trying to rescue his leg.

Burt cleared his throat, glancing at Finn in the rear view mirror as he drove. "As great as that sounds, I think Bernadette and Carole have something planned. Maybe next time."

"Finn? Rachel?" Jesse turned around to look at them expectantly.

"Sorry, Jesse. Gotta help Rachel wash her hair," Finn improvised before Rachel could say anything. "You know, for the party."

"So Rachel," Burt tried again as he made a left. "Finn says that you-"

"Does anyone know what the music list is for this party? I hope it's more of a variety than last time. For an event planner, Kurt really doesn't take into consideration the party guests, does he?"

Finn bristled at the insult to Kurt and he could tell Burt was doing the same. To his credit though, Burt managed to bite his tongue, letting Jesse chatter away about Vocal Adrenaline as he drove through the streets of Tarrytown and into Sleepy Hollow.

Finn forced himself to tune Jesse out, watching Rachel as she excitedly took in the sights of the famous town.

"Oooh! Finn! Look there's the Old Dutch Church!" she squealed as they passed the little stone church. "The real Katrina Von Tassel is buried there you know, as well as Washington Irving himself."

He smiled at her excitement, unable to resist teasing her again. "Yeah? You read that in _The Lima Ledger_?"

"Shut up." She ran her fingers over his stomach, tickling him lightly.

He laughed, swatting her hand away. Rachel slipped her hand into his, dropping them onto his lap and while he knew she was only doing it for appearance's sake, there was a part of him that liked her hand in his.

_Really_ liked it.

His body suddenly felt warm, which he highly doubted was a result of the heat Burt was blasting through the car. A grin crept onto his face and he forced himself to look out the window, listening as Rachel continued to spew out facts about Sleepy Hollow all the while ignoring the thought in his mind that her hand felt so right in his.

Fortunately, Burt turned onto Bernadette's street and into her driveway, which meant he could stop trying to ignore it. Instead, he watched Rachel's eyes take in all the catering trucks and party rental vans parked haphazardly in front of Bernadette's stately brick Colonial. Not that he blamed her for looking wide-eyed. Having been to many of Kurt's parties, he knew what to expect yet still managed to come away awe struck, so he could only imagine what Rachel was thinking.

Kurt himself was standing in the middle of the driveway, barking orders into a headset while consulting the clipboard in his hand. Whatever he was saying was forgotten as soon as he saw the car since he ran over to it, pulling open Finn's door. "Where is she?"

"Hello to you too, Kurt," Finn grumbled as he climbed out. "And if by _she_ you mean Rachel, she's right here trying not to be freaked out by my Broadway crazed stalker of a brother."

"I'm not a stalker. I'm a Broadway Enthusiast," Kurt clarified as he watched Finn help Rachel out of the car. "There's a _huge_ difference."

"Oh that's too bad. Rachel could've used you for practice," Finn lamented, winking at Rachel. The laughter barely came out of his mouth before Kurt pushed him away to get to Rachel.

"Are you Rachel?" he breathed excitedly, ignoring the voice coming though his headset. "The Broadway star?"

"Well I'm-"

"A-F-H, Mercedes, A-F-H!" he yelled into the headset.

"A-F-H?" Rachel looked at Finn for a translation

"Away from headset." Finn rolled his eyes. "Kurt, this is my-"

"I need to know everything. _Everything," _Kurt cut in, taking her hand. "Finn says you're possibly going to be the lead in_ Mary Poppins._ Tell me every step of the audition process. Is it like_ A Chorus Line? _And don't leave out the scandalous backstage gossip."

"I've hardly-"

"I can't tell you how thrilled we were that a Broadway star agreed to date _Finn _of all people," Kurt pressed. "Especially since I'm sure you must meet so many celebrities."

"Hey!" Finn cried, glancing at Kurt's headset. "Don't you have people to boss around?"

Kurt glared at him as he began to pull Rachel away. "I apologize profusely for not riding the train with you, but I had to be up here early to supervise."

"Oh, it's-"

"Let's go find Carole. She's _so_ excited to meet you," Kurt announced, pulling her away. He seemed to notice his father and Jesse for the first time just then. "Dad! I didn't see you there! Oh. Jesse's here."

"Hello Kurt. I hope this is a better party than last time," Jesse responded. "My food was cold."

"Speaking of cold, why don't we get in the house?" Burt wisely suggested before any trouble could start.

"Good idea. Carole and Aunt Bernadette are dying to meet the girl who's got Finn so enamored," Kurt agreed. "Let's go, Rachel."

"But my bags are still in the car," Rachel replied, finally managing to get a full sentence in.

"Finn will get them." He looked over his shoulder as he towed her towards the house. "Finn! Bring Rachel's bags in. We'll be in the family room."

Finn watched open mouthed as Rachel disappeared into the house, Kurt firing questions at her all the while, Jesse trailing behind them. "Did that seriously just happen? Did my brother just steal her?"

"What did you expect would happen when he found out she's on stage?" Burt asked, grabbing the garment bags. "I'll leave the pink suitcase to you."

"Great." He sighed, pulling the suitcase out of the trunk and following Burt inside the house.

As he'd suspected, Kurt was standing next to Rachel in the center of the room, watching excitedly as Rachel greeted Rory's mother Cheryl. His own mother, as well as his aunt were nowhere to be seen. Deciding to rescue Rachel from Kurt's clutches, he left the suitcase by the doorframe and crossed over to the little group, clearing his throat to make his presence known.

"Finn! I haven't seen you in so long!" Cheryl cried, pulling him to her for a hug. "I think you've grown even more."

He laughed as he hugged her. "I'm pretty sure I'm the same height since you saw me over the summer. Have you met Rachel?"

"I have. Kurt just introduced us." She maintained her grip on him, leaning up to whisper in his ear. "She's just the cutest thing. Carole's going to love her."

He straightened as Rachel stepped over to him and played her part perfectly, wrapping her arms around his waist. His cheeks pinked as he looked down at her before placing his own arms around her, glancing around the room at the same time. "So uh, where's Mom?"

"She's upstairs with Aunt Bernadette, showing her the dress she got while Bernadette gets her hair done," Cheryl replied. "And Rory and Seamus are in the basement."

Finn paused. "Jesse go down there?"

"I believe so."

"Then we'll go upstairs and see Mom," Finn decided. "Come on Rach."

"It was lovely to meet you," Rachel gushed. "I'm sorry I thought you were Carole at first, but you do bear a resemblance to Finn."

"I'll come with you," Kurt announced. "After all, it's not everyday you bring home a Broadway star to meet Carole."

"Yeah, uh, Mercedes is looking for you, Kurt. Something about a DJ setting up on the wrong side of the dance floor," Finn blurted out, hoping to distract Kurt.

Kurt gasped, adjusting his headset frantically. "B-O-H Mercedes! B-O-H! Speak to me!"

"B-O-H? Let me guess. Back on headset?" Rachel whispered, watching Kurt yell a stream of directions into the headset.

"Yup." Pleased that he'd succeeded so well, Finn smiled down at Rachel. "Let's go Rach."

Rachel nodded, slipping her hand into his as he led her from the room, grabbing her suitcase as he passed. She followed him up the wide curved staircase, trying not to let her jaw drop at the impressive house.

"So since you thought Aunt Cheryl was Mom, does that mean she got the greeting you prepared for my mom?" he teased as he reached the top. "Did you waste a greeting?"

"Just the beginning," she admitted. "But I can easily adapt for your mom."

"Can't wait to hear this," he commented as he paused in the hallway. "Mom?"

_"In here, baby!"_

She followed him down the hallway towards the voices, pausing by the door of what she assumed was a bedroom. Sure enough, she glimpsed two older ladies inside, one getting her hair done while the other sat on the bed watching. At first glance it was hard to tell which one was Finn's mother, since both had Finn brown hair, but once the woman on the bed turned her head, there was no doubting the resemblance between mother and son.

Finn pulled on her hand, dragging her into the room. "Mom?"

"Finn, baby, you made it!" As she'd suspected, the woman on the bed immediately stood, coming over to hug Finn. She pulled away from Finn to stare at Rachel with kind eyes. "And is this Rachel?"

"Yup. Rach, this is my mom Carole," Finn introduced, winking at Rachel. "Rachel's been waiting to meet you, Mom."

"Well I've been waiting to meet her," Carole replied warmly as she pulled Rachel in for a hug. "A real Broadway actress! How exciting! You'll have to tell us all about it!"

Her prepared greeting having included a hand shake not a hug, Rachel was thrown off, her carefully scripted greeting flying right out of her head. Instead of the eloquent words she'd memorized, she blurted out the first thing she could think of. "Your son is lovely."

Mortified and unable to look at a Finn, she pulled away from Carole. Even in her mortification though, the fact that her pretend boyfriend's mother not only sounded interested in her career but _approved_ didn't go unnoticed by her and she couldn't help but marvel at the difference between her real and fake boyfriend's families.

"Thanks, I think we'll keep him," Carole replied, her tone amused. "What do you think, Aunt Bernadette?"

"Only if he comes over and gives me a hug," Bernadette replied as her hair dresser teased her hair into an elegant updo.

"Hi Aunt Bernie." Finn crossed the room and leaned down to hug her as best he could. "Happy Birthday."

"Who's this girl you've convinced that you're lovely?" Bernadette teased.

"Aunt Bernie, this is Rachel," Finn replied, pushing Rachel forward.

"Happy Birthday," Rachel added shyly, slipping her hand back into Finn's and gripping it tightly with both of her own.

"It's almost 5. Why don't you two go get ready?" Carole asked kindly, the hand holding not lost on her. "I'm sure you'll want to shower and get rid of the train feeling. You can use your usual room baby, and then we can get to know Rachel after."

Finn shrugged. "Sounds good. Ready Rach?"

"Ready." She smiled at Carole and Bernadette as Finn gripped her hand and towed her out of the room.

He managed to wait five seconds before he smirked and looked down at her. "Those were some greetings. How long did it take you to come up with _Happy Birthday?_ That was a real gem. You should save that for a Tony speech."

She flushed. "Your mom threw me off!"

He grinned. "Probably because you were in the presence of such loveliness. I probably should've left the room."

"I hate you," she announced as he led her into a bedroom.

"No you don't." He flipped on the light, depositing their bags on the bed.

"I do," she replied, opening her suitcase to grab her toiletry bag.

"In that case, I want my phone back." He grinned, watching as she paused.

"Fine. I hate you enough to announce that I'm showering first," she amended, stepping towards the bathroom.

"I'll make sure to go in another bathroom and flush the toilet then," he teased, flopping onto the bed.

"Don't you dare." She whirled around to face him. "I'll tell Kurt you were seen buying tampons."

"You kids ok? Can I get you anything?" Carole poked her head into the room.

"We're fine Mom. Rachel's just going to take a shower."

"Don't let me keep you, then." She smiled at Rachel. "I can't wait to hear all about Broadway. Finn says you're very talented."

She flushed. "Well I've only been in a few shows so far."

"Really? How exciting!"

"She was in _The Legend of Sleepy Hollow_," Finn added, his eyes twinkling. "It was critically reviewed."

Rachel's eyes narrowed, waiting for him to mention _The Lima Ledger_ review.

"I can't wait to hear about it," Carole replied warmly. "I know Kurt is over the moon about a genuine Broadway star dating my Finny, but you'd better get in the shower now."

Rachel nodded. "It was lovely to meet you."

"Almost as lovely as me?" Finn asked, laughing at the glare she threw him before she shut the door.

She leaned against the closed bathroom door, a smile on her face. Her ears pricked up when she heard the conversation continue without her.

_"She's wonderful, Finn. You two are so cute together."_

_"Mom!"_

_"She's so tiny next to you, but you look adorable."_

_"Mom, seriously!"_

_"Bernadette loved her too. And the fact that she wants to work on Broadway made her like Rachel even more."_

_"Mom!"_

_"I'm just saying. Rachel likes you as much as you like her. Mother's intuition."_

_"Mom, are you determined to embarrass me?"_

_"All I want is for you to be happy, baby. And I can tell you are."_

Huh. She stepped away from the door, deep in thought as she wondered if Mike and Julia had had the same conversation after she'd met Julia for the first time.

Somehow she doubted it.

* * *

><p>Rachel hummed happily to herself as she stepped out of the shower, carefully wrapping a fluffy towel around her body and another over her hair. Bernadette's shower had been incredibly rejuvenating and she'd used the time to flesh out the details of their meet cute, deciding that she hadn't been planning on going to the music store that day.<p>

Satisfied that she'd done everything she'd wanted to in the bathroom, she opened the door and strolled out to find Finn stretched out on the bed watching TV, his suit lying on the bed next to him. He did a double take when he saw her towel clad body and she flushed, wondering why she didn't take off her towel turban before she'd come out. "I'm done in the bathroom. Your turn."

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, ok."

She watched him scramble off the bed, his back to her as he hurried into the bathroom, quickly shutting the door. Not wanting to be late, she pulled the lacy black G-string she'd never gotten to wear for Mike out of her garment bag, dropping her towel and slipping it on before rummaging through the bag for the strapless bra she'd need for her dress.

"Aha!" she cried, finally locating the bra in the recesses of her bag.

"Forgot my stu-"

She gasped at Finn's voice behind her, knowing by the way he'd trailed off that he'd seen her bare ass clad only in her G-string. Horrified, she lunged for his suit jacket on the bed, holding it to her bare breasts as she turned around. "_Finn_!"

"Sorry!" he cried frantically, looking up at the ceiling, the image of her ass now burned into his eyes. "I didn't...I mean I..."

"You saw my ass!" she accused, carefully sliding one arm at a time into the jacket without exposing her breasts to him. Fortunately, the jacket was like a dress on her and she was able to put the jacket on without mishap.

"Sorry!" he blurted out, still staring at the ceiling and not at all sorry since her ass was fantastic. "I just forgot my shower stuff. I'm not a perv, I swear!"

Wrapping the jacket tightly around her waist, she watched him creep towards his bag while avoiding her gaze. She waited until he'd grabbed his bag and begun to slink back towards the bathroom before she spoke. "I want to see your ass."

"Huh?" He turned around to stare at her. "You what?"

"I want to see your ass," she repeated calmly. "You saw mine, it's only fair."

He chuckled nervously. "I don't think so."

"Oh I think so." She sat on the bed, the jacket held firmly against her chest. "Lose the jeans and turn around, Peeper."

He flushed. "I'm not a Peeping Tom! And I'm not showing you my ass!"

"You owe me an ass," Rachel insisted. "So go ahead, moon me."

"I'm not mooning you!"

"Why not? Noah told me at the bar that you do it to him all the time."

"That's different!" he cried, backing towards the bathroom.

"How? The sole purpose of mooning Noah is to show him your ass, is it not?" Rachel reasoned.

"It just is! I'm not-"

_"Fifi! I'm here!" _

"Shit!" he hissed. "It's Sugar!"

_"Fifi! Open this door!"_

"I can't meet her yet! I'm not dressed..." Rachel trailed off, her eyes gleaming. "Give me your t-shirt."

"What? Why?"

_"Fifi! Open this door right now! I need to make sure you're not wearing something from a department store!"_

"You want to get rid of her? This is how," Rachel whispered. "Now take off that sweater and give me the t-shirt underneath."

_"Finn! This isn't funny! You know I can't be kept waiting!"_

"Fine," he grumbled, pulling off his shirts. "Here."

Rachel accepted the t-shirt, her eyes glued to his bare chest. "Um...turn around."

He obliged and Rachel quickly exchanged the jacket she was wearing for his t-shirt, slightly disappointed when he didn't even try to turn around and peek. "Ok, you can turn around now."

He turned around, his mouth open slightly and she fisted his shirt in her hands, her mind registering how soft the shirt was and how warm it was from being on him.

_"Finn! I'm counting to three!"_

"Go wait in the bathroom!" Rachel hissed. "I'll take care of her."

He nodded, running into the bathroom. She waited until she'd heard the click of the bathroom door before marching over to the main door and opening it wide. Her eyes took in Sugar for the first time, looking with envy at the designer clothes and the Birkin bag that probably cost more than her college tuition being held in her perfectly manicured hand. All things that Julia had and would probably make her like Rachel better if she had them. "Can I help you?"

"Where did you get that shirt?"

"Nice to meet you too," Rachel commented sweetly. "I'm Rachel. You must be Sugar. I believe we spoke on the phone."

"Where did you get that shirt?" Sugar demanded as she pushed her way into the room. "Did Fifi give it to you?"

Rachel shrugged. "Well...he didn't so much give it to me as I needed something to wear to answer the door." She giggled. "You kind of caught us at a bad time."

Sugar's eyes narrowed. "Where's Fifi?"

"He's still in the shower. He couldn't come out to answer the door because...well you know." She smiled suggestively.

"Finn _can't_ have shower sex. He told me his building doesn't allow two people in the shower. It's a violation," Sugar insisted. "Plus, he's afraid he'll get soap in his eyes."

"I assure you he's gotten over that fear," Rachel replied, trying not to laugh at his lame excuses. "Soap in his eyes is no longer a concern."

"I don't hear water running," Sugar observed, suspicion in every word.

Rachel paused, kicking herself for that oversight. "Well..."

_"Hey babe can you...oh hey Sugar."_

Rachel and Sugar both turned in the direction of the voice, two pairs of eyes going wide when they saw the bathroom door open and Finn step out in nothing but a towel.

He crossed over to Rachel, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pressing a kiss to her temple. "I just came out to get my razor and find out what was taking you so long. Didn't mean to interrupt your conversation."

"Did you miss me?" Rachel asked, reaching up to stroke his face.

"Of course I did," Finn pouted. "You know how much I hate showering without you. It's no fun."

"I promise I'll make it up to you tonight," Rachel replied, unable to resist. "I'm sure I'll be extra dirty."

"Mmm. Promise?" he asked, lowering his lips to her ear. His voice dropped so Sugar couldn't hear his next words. "You rock."

"_Finn_! Who is this and why is she wearing your shirt?" Sugar screeched.

"This is my girlfriend Rachel, the one you _insisted_ on meeting," Finn replied, wrapping his arms around her tighter as Rachel brought her hands up to grip his forearms, a smile on her face. "And she's wearing my shirt because she can't answer the door naked."

"This isn't funny, Fifi. I'll be speaking to your mother about this," Sugar announced. She flounced towards the door, turning at the last moment to glare at Rachel before she stormed out.

"Oh my God, that girl is insane," Rachel declared once they were alone. She turned on Finn's arms to stare up at him, surprised when she found herself being picked up off the ground by him. "_Finn_!"

"Rachel, that was awesome!" he cried, well aware of the fact that his shirt was riding up on her and he was essentially holding her bare ass as she wrapped her legs around him to steady herself. Rachel didn't seem to realize this, and he took the opportunity to _accidentally_ stroke her ass, rationalizing that their relationship contract did say that he could cup her ass.

She laughed, putting her arms around his neck. "It was, wasn't it? Although your mom will now think I'm a whore."

"Don't worry about her. She knows I can't stand Sugar," he replied, still stroking her ass.

"You better tell her I'm not a whore," Rachel stressed, making no move to get down.

"I will."

They stared at each other for a moment before Rachel seemed to remember where she was, unlocking her legs from around him and sliding down his body, her movements loosening his towel to reveal the boxers he had on underneath. "Um..you should get in the shower."

"Yeah, yeah I should." He backed away from her, holding the towel tightly to him as he went back into the bathroom.

She watched him go, part of her amused at the fact that he'd worn his boxers under the towel and another annoyed that she hadn't gotten to see his ass when the towel had loosened.

Intent on revenge, she stepped quietly over to the bathroom door, bending down and peeking through the key hole just in time to see Finn turn on the shower and test the water, his back to her. She leaned closer when she saw his hands reach for the waistband of his boxers, pulling them down in one swift motion.

My _God_.

Her eyes widened as she stared at his tight ass, tracing the contours of it while the overwhelming urge to bite and squeeze seized her brain. Unable to look away, she watched him step into the shower, but to her disappointment, he turned towards the far wall to pull the curtain, denying her a front view.

Sighing, she stood and walked back over to the bed, reluctantly pulling off Finn's shirt to put her bra on. She pulled her dress out of the bag, fingering the deep purple silk for a moment before lying the dress on the bed next to Finn's suit and slipping his t-shirt back on, reasoning that she still needed to do her makeup and didn't want to get anything on her dress.

She used the time Finn was in the shower to heat her curlers and set her hair (while trying not to think of what she'd seen), earning a chuckle from Finn when he finally opened the bathroom door.

"Nice hair," he teased, tapping a hot roller on her head as he watched her set her makeup and hair supplies on the counter. "You trying to get better reception for my phone with those things?"

"Nice boxers. Dr. Love not allowed to come to the party?" she retorted, eyeing his plaid boxers.

"Funny." He gave her a gentle shove, stepping in front of the counter to focus on his own preparations.

"Finn!" she cried, shoving him back and frowning when he didn't move. Annoyed, she shoved him harder, leaning against him as hard as she could but only causing him to move a few inches. Satisfied at that, she turned her attention back to her hair products.

"Love the dress," he commented casually as he pulled his electric razor out of his bag and gave her a hip check, sending her flying away from the counter again. He smirked at her sputter of indignation. "I didn't know a t-shirt is black tie."

"You're so immature!" Annoyed by his laughter as she fruitlessly attempted to shove him again, she reached behind him and pinched his ass, pleased when he jumped (and also by the way his ass felt). She resumed her position in front of the mirror, well aware of him standing in close proximity next to her. "I'm simply wearing this so I don't get makeup on my dress."

"Uh huh. This sounds a lot like your stealing versus borrowing theory about cell phones." He stared at her in the mirror as he turned his razor on and began shaving his neck.

"Are you implying that you've been shirtjacked?" She watched him in the mirror, reaching for a bottle in her makeup bag.

"You see anyone else wearing my shirt? I don't, just you."

"Just for that, I think I will shirtjack you," she replied, smiling at the thought. "You did see my ass, so it's a justified shirtjacking."

"I'm sure it'll be easy for you since you're such a good phonejacker," he quipped. "And it's not my fault I saw your ass. No one told you to wear a thong."

"It's a G-string, not a thong, if you must know. And it's necessary, otherwise everyone at the party will be talking about your girlfriend's VPL," she replied haughtily.

"There's a difference?" he questioned. "And what the hell is VPL?"

"There's a major difference. A thong has a thick piece of fabric in the back while a G-string is literally a string." She smiled slyly. "I'm surprised Noah didn't cover that in his bra removal classes."

He flushed. "Ignoring that. So what's VPL?"

"Visible panty line." She turned slightly, pulling his shirt tight against her butt. "See how smooth? No lines. My G-string eliminates that."

"Um yeah, yeah I see," he stammered, his eyes tracing the contours of her ass. "No lines."

"Sugar ever have VPL?" Her eyes followed the movement of his hand as he shaved.

"To answer that means I've checked out her ass, so I have no idea. You'd have to ask Rory," he replied, moving the razor closer to his jaw.

"Are you going to go completely clean shaven?" she asked as a change of subject, applying her foundation.

"I might. Why?" He resumed his shaving, watching her spread her foundation.

She shrugged. "Not too many men can carry off the scruffy look elegantly. You can."

"Yeah? You checking me out?" He smirked, making a show of flexing in the mirror for her benefit.

She giggled, trying not to show how impressed she was by his muscles. "I'm simply making an observation. And what I've observed is that you look nice with just a bit of scruff."

"Just nice? Not lovely?" he teased, resuming his shaving.

"Finn!" She managed to catch him off guard, her shove actually moving him. Pleased, she turned her attention back to her makeup, gasping when she felt herself being picked up and deposited away from the mirror. Shocked, she watched him step in front of the mirror to continue shaving. "_Finn_!"

His lips quirked as he stared at her in the mirror. "What are you doing over there? You really should be getting ready."

She glared at him as she slipped in between his body and the counter to calmly resume her makeup application. "I'm now officially keeping your shirt."

He continued shaving, taking a step closer and pinning her body against the counter. "You think so."

"I don't think, I know I am." She finished applying her foundation and reached for her eye makeup, leaning closer to the mirror to begin applying it.

"We'll see about that." The fact that her ass was pressing against him as she leaned over was causing some serious problems for him and he nicked himself with his razor as he shifted to keep her from knowing how much of a problem it was. "Shit!"

She paused, her hand midway to her eye as she stared in concern. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. I just nicked myself."

She turned around, her body pressed against his as she reached up to examine his nick. "You're bleeding."

"I'll be fine." He smiled down at her.

"You need to take care of that," she insisted, reaching over to grab a few tissues and holding it to his cut. "You could bleed to death and then I'd be stuck with Cornelius."

He chuckled, taking the tissues from her. "Well we can't have that."

"I'm glad you see it my way." She stood on her toes, pressing a kiss under his jaw. "There. All better."

"It better be. I blame you for my cut," he teased as he resumed shaving.

She turned again, watching him watching her in the mirror and continuing her makeup application. "And why would that be?"

"If you weren't here, I would've gone clean shaven, but instead, I have to carefully shave since I'm one of the few who can carry off scruff as elegant," he replied, shaving his left side carefully. "Must be because I'm so lovely."

She glared at him in the mirror, noticing that he hadn't moved from behind her, despite there being room next to her. "Am I ever going to hear the end of that?"

"Nope. It's one of my favorite things about you." He gave her a half smile as he shaved the right side of his face.

She bit her lip in a smile, glancing down at her eye compact, for once unsure of what to say.

They remained in that position, one in front of the other as they continued to get ready, only moving once Finn left to put on his suit. He returned after a minute with her dress, hanging it on the door before resuming his place behind her to tie his tie, watching her remove her rollers and finger comb her hair.

Rachel inhaled as she unrolled her rollers, noticing immediately that he'd put on cologne while he was in the bedroom, the incredible smell invading her nostrils. Her mind went into overdrive, trying to identify the scent as she ran her fingers through her hair, inhaling happily with every move Finn made.

"You ok?" he asked, moving over slightly to nudge her hip.

"Mmmhmm." She inhaled once more before turning to look at him and admiring the way he looked in his dark suit and deep blue shirt and tie. "Out. I need to put on my dress."

"So? I've already seen your ass, remember?" he teased, running his fingers through his hair.

"Out," she said firmly, pushing him as hard as she could towards the door to no avail, since Finn stayed in the same spot. "God, you're like a slab of stone."

"I'm guessing you want me out?" he quipped.

"I do." She pushed again.

"Fine. I can tell when I'm not wanted." He headed out into the bedroom, leaving her to dress.

She slipped on the short purple silk one shouldered dress Santana had picked out, admiring the way the dress had two pieces of purple silk flowing from the shoulder. The dress was form fitting and she turned from side to side, wondering how she'd let Santana talk her into it. Quickly, before she could question herself, she stepped into the Manolos Santana had given her, checking herself in the mirror one last time before she opened the door. "I'm ready."

Finn was once again laying on the bed as he waited, idly flipping through the channels. He jumped up as the door opened, his mouth dropping. "Rachel! You look...I mean...you're..."

"Lovely?" She smiled shyly, looking at the ground.

He laughed. "If lovely means incredibly hot, then yes. Sugar's going to die."

She blushed, giving him a shove. "You don't look so bad yourself."

He held out his hand. "Ready, Babyface Berry?"

She took his hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. "Ready, Fifi."

He led her down the back stairs, heading towards the French doors the party tent was connected to. Even though the entrance was sealed off, the cold air swirling around outside was seeping through the door, making Rachel shiver as they paused at the door.

He grinned down at her. "It's showtime."

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Confession: The entire party was supposed to be in this chapter, but it's way too long, so I cut it in two. The good news is that it's mostly written, so I'm not anticipating a super long wait like this one was._**

**_Also, subtle homage to my other favorite show :)_**


	12. On With The Show

_**Disclaimer: Glee is not mine.**_

* * *

><p><strong><em>"When you're falling in love, sometimes one night makes it complete." <em>**

**_- Down To You_**

* * *

><p>"Champagne?"<p>

Rachel nodded dumbly at the waiter who greeted their arrival in the tent, her eyes busy taking in the incredible sight in front of her. Truthfully, she hadn't been sure what to expect based on the conflicting reports she'd been getting, but whatever vague image she'd formed in her head paled in comparison to what was in front of her.

Tables decorated in the color scheme of black, white, silver and gold were scattered around the large tent, a gleaming dance floor right in the middle. Gauzy white material and delicate strands of lights draped across the ceiling, culminating in the chandelier hanging over the dance floor. Despite the chandelier and the uplighting, the tent was dimly lit, adding to the Old Hollywood aura in the room. She gasped a little as she noticed the centerpieces adorning some of the tables, tall vases of the largest, whitest feather bouquets she'd ever seen, while other tables had tall bouquets of red roses.

"Finn, this is amazing!" she whispered, holding his hand with one hand while accepting the glass of Champagne with the other. She eyed the centerpieces again, secretly hoping to sit at a table with the feather bouquets.

"Yeah, Kurt does a pretty good job," he agreed with a grin, getting a glass of his own. "He's been written up in a few papers. Nothing as big as _The Lima Ledger_ though."

"I'm sorry I told you that," Rachel retorted, glaring at him as he tried to keep a straight face. "For your information, it's well known throughout Allen County that _The Ledger_ is a notoriously tough critic."

"I bet," he teased. "Those junior high journalists are a tough crowd to please."

"While I'm aware of the fact that you're mocking me, I'm afraid I'm going to have to agree with you," Rachel replied seriously. "Lauren Zizes was ruthless, Finn. _Ruthless_."

He laughed, earning a pout from Rachel. "You try that pout on Lauren?"

"It's not funny, Finn. She gave me a negative review even after I gave her a box of Mallomars!" She gripped his hand tighter at the injustice.

"You tried to _bribe_ her?" This only caused him to laugh harder; earning him a slap to the arm once she'd separated her hand from his. "That's hysterical!"

"It most certainly is _not_," she huffed, sipping her Champagne as she glanced around the room.

"Ok, but it is." He glanced around in a Sugar check, pleased to see she was nowhere in sight.

"I'm glad you find it so funny," she added, giving him a gentle shove.

"I do." He grabbed her hand again, giving her a sly half smile. "It's almost as amusing as your prepared greetings."

She glared at him, poking his stomach with their hands. "First impressions are important!"

He laughed harder, lacing their fingers together. "That's why I'm so glad you hit my mom with _your son is lovely_. That really floored her."

"Jerk." She turned her attention back to the tent, her eyes roaming over the guests milling nearby. "Oh! Aunt Bernadette looks beautiful!"

Aunt Bernadette, dressed elegantly in a vintage beige chiffon cocktail dress reminiscent of the 1950's with its tight waist, black sash, pouffy skirt and sheer black overlay of beaded leaves, came striding over to greet them, a tall, distinguished looking man with gray hair next to her. "Finny! I was wondering where you two were!" she cried. "I've been wanting to introduce Howie to Rachel."

"Rachel's been dying to be introduced to everyone, Aunt Bernie," Finn replied, unable to hide his grin.

"Rachel dear, this is my husband, Finn's Uncle Howard," Bernadette introduced with a smile.

"The husband of Bernadette and Jesse's mother's older brother," Rachel replied, shaking the hand Howard offered and pointedly ignoring the fact that Finn's shoulders were shaking.

"Uh, right. That would be me," Howard answered, his words laced with amusement.

Finn, barely able to control his laughter, took pity on a blushing Rachel, separating his hand from Rachel's to pull something out of his pocket. "You look beautiful, Aunt Bernie."

Bernadette beamed, spinning in place. "Kurt picked it out of course."

"It's gorgeous," Rachel added admiringly.

"It needs something," Finn announced, reaching out to pin something to Bernadette's dress. "There."

Rachel laughed as she saw the black birthday ribbon he'd pinned to her dress. "70 is fine when you look 59," she read aloud off the button in the middle of the ribbon.

Bernadette laughed, giving Finn a kiss. "Love it, Finny."

"Just in case Kurt doesn't want to kill me for the button, watch this." He reached over again, pressing the button, which began to blink merrily to the delight of Bernadette. "Great, right?"

"I love it, but you better steer clear of Kurt," Bernadette quipped.

"Oh, Bernie, looks like Lillian and George have arrived," Howard interjected as he looked past Rachel's towards the tent entrance.

"Excuse us," Bernadette replied, kindly. "I have to greet guests."

Rachel waited until they'd walked off, turning to Finn, who had a grin on his face. "Shut up. Not one word."

"What? I think it's great you told Uncle Howard who his family members are," he replied innocently. "How else would he have known he's married to Aunt Bernadette?"

"Are we ever going to find our seats or are you just going to stand here and make fun of me all day?" she huffed. "And who are George and Lillian? I don't recall those names on your tree?"

"Lucky for you, I can do both," he teased, placing a hand on the small of her back, leading her over to the table cards and plucking the card that read _Mr. Finn Hudson and Ms. Rachel Berry, Table 2 _on it in elegant script. He handed it to her with a smile. "And as for George and Lillian, no idea who they are."

"Oh. That's a relief." She glanced down at the card, idly thinking how nice their names looked next to each other. The few times she'd gone with Mike to events, she'd been simply 'guest'.

"I'm sure. Wouldn't want to waste a greeting," Finn agreed solemnly as he slipped his hand into hers. "_Shit_."

"What?" she asked, still looking at the place card, a smile on her face.

"Sugar and her parents are sitting at our table," he replied crossly as he led her to the table. "I'm gonna _kill_ Kurt."

"We'll hardly be at the table, Finn," Rachel reasoned. "I expect we'll be on the dance floor most of the night."

"You expect wrong. I don't dance," Finn replied firmly.

"Of course you do. It's a party," Rachel insisted.

"Nope. Not even then." He came to a stop next to their table, where his mother already seated. He eyed the table, trying to figure out which seat would help him best avoid Sugar. He pulled out the chair two seats away from his mom for Rachel, plopping down in the seat next to his mom himself once Rachel was seated. Happy that there was no way Sugar could sit next to him, he turned to his mother. "Hey Mom."

"Rachel, you look beautiful!" Carole exclaimed. "Finn baby, doesn't she look beautiful?"

"Yeah, yeah she does," he replied, using the opportunity to stare at her again.

Rachel blushed, not looking at Finn. Instead, she focused on Carole's navy blue lace dress. "You look wonderful, Mrs. Hummel."

"Call me Carole." She smiled at Rachel, noticing that Finn was still staring at her. "Oh! Rosemary! Over here!"

Intrigued by what she knew was Sugar's mother's name, Rachel turned to see an older version of Sugar dressed elegantly in a black cocktail dress heading their way, a man on his cell phone and Sugar herself just behind her.

Her eyes grew wide as she took in Sugar's dress. Like Rachel, Sugar's dress was purple based, but that was where the similarities ended. The strapless sweetheart bodice of the dress was blinged out in different shades of purple and green sequins before it gave way to a wide mauve colored sash while the bottom was what could only be described as a massive pouf of mauve and purple ruffles. A pair of blinged out, incredibly high heels and a matching pouf of a headband completed her look.

"What is she wearing?" Rachel hissed to Finn.

"I'm sure it's something designer, but it looks like that thing Kurt used to hang in our shower," he murmured in her ear.

She giggled, knowing Finn had just hit upon the perfect description of Sugar's dress. "You mean a loofah?"

"Yup. She looks like a purple loofah," he murmured as she continued to giggle.

"Rachel, I want you to meet one of my oldest friends, Rosemary," Carole said fondly, standing up to greet the trio. Rachel stood up also, the hand she slipped into Finn's pulling him up as well.

"Pleasure," Rosemary said warmly, holding out a hand. She waited for Rachel to free her hand from Finn and shake before she introduced her family, pointing to the man in the pinstripe suit next to her. "This is my husband Al and my daughter Sugar."

Still on his cell phone, Al nodded at Rachel, who'd moved to grip Finn's elbow, well aware of the daggers Sugar was throwing at her with her eyes.

"Sugar dear, this is Finn's friend, Rachel," Carole added, clearly ignoring the death glare Sugar had on her face.

"We've met," Sugar replied crisply. "Mother, this is the girl Finn _claims_ he's dating, which is ridiculous since his Facebook page says single and Finn has stated numerous times that he _doesn't_ date dark haired girls. That's the whole reason I went to a light brown with blonde lowlights."

"You look beautiful, Sugar Plum," Al commented idly, apparently on hold. "I'm sure Finn agrees."

"Fifi? What do you think of my dress?" Sugar demanded, spinning to give him the full effect.

"Nice. You look like a sparkly loofah," he offered.

"Finn! This is an Elijah! It's straight off the Paris runway not Bath and Bodyworks!" Sugar screeched.

"Well you're very...ruffly," he tried again. "And purply."

"Well _this_ shade of purple happens to be cutting edge," Sugar commented, eyeing Rachel's deep purple dress. "Anything deeper than Amethyst is _so_ five minutes ago. Apparently, a_lmost_ everyone knows that."

Finn bristled at the dig to Rachel. "Weren't you wearing all dark purple when you barged into Sam's apartment last night? I remember thinking you looked like a can of Grapeade Snapple."

"Don't be stupid Finn. That shade was Amethyst, so it was ok," Sugar huffed.

"Didn't stop Puck from calling you Barney all night," he retorted. He slipped an arm around Rachel. "Want me to get you a drink?"

"I'll go with you," she replied sweetly, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek before she wrapped her arms around his waist. "Would anyone like anything? Sugar? Can I have my _boyfriend_ get you anything?" She lowered her voice so that only Finn could hear. "Maybe some Grapeade Snapple?"

Finn snorted, making Sugar narrow her eyes. "We'll be back."

He led Rachel away before Sugar could say anything else, his hand on the small of her back. Not moving his hand, he leaned down low to murmur in her ear. "That was _awesome_, Rach."

His lips tickled her ear and the thought crossed her mind as to what it would feel like to have those lips on hers. She shivered a little just as the idea that he'd be a really good kisser entered her thought process. Smiling, she glanced up at him, her arm reaching around his waist. "I'm glad you liked it, even if my dress is a color that's _so_ five minutes ago."

"Well it may be five minutes ago but at least you don't look like a sponge," he replied, grinning.

_"Finn! A word!"_

Finn and Rachel turned at the voice to see Kurt, resplendent in a tuxedo, stalking their way. Finn grinned wider, knowing the probable cause of Kurt's needing to speak to him. "What's up?"

Kurt pulled to a stop in front him, blocking their path to the bar. "Are you _trying_ to kill me?"

"Not today, no," he quipped, the hand he had on Rachel's back moving to her waist and pulling her closer. "But try buying me a fur hat again and we'll see."

"That was faux fur and the height of fashion!" Kurt retorted. "The Mouton hat was all over the men's runway that year!"

"It looked like the hat Mussolini wore! No kid wears that to high school!" he cried, the giggle escaping from Rachel's mouth echoing in his ears.

"I did!"

"Did I or did I not have to pull you out of the dumpster every time you wore it?" Finn asked. "I finally had to have a _talk_ with Azimio!"

Kurt ran a hand across his perfectly styled hair. "We're getting off track. Are you the reason Aunt Bernadette is lit up like a Vegas marquee?"

Finn grinned. "I am. I thought you'd like that button."

"Are you aware that the pin holding that monstrosity to her body is running through the Belgian lace of her vintage Valentino?" he demanded. "That lace will never recover. _Never_."

"It's a pin, Kurt. Aunt Bernie likes it," Finn defended. "It totally matches her dress. It's black."

Kurt threw up his hands in disgust. "Why am I not surprised? At least it's better than the birthday hat you got her a few years ago, the one that looked like a massive birthday cake."

"Hey! You wore that hat on your birthday too!" He looked down at Rachel, who'd been following this exchange with a look of amusement. "And it didn't even match his outfit."

"Not by choice!"

She laughed. "I think it sounds fun. I wish I had seen it."

"We took a picture of Kurt in it while he was passed out," Finn replied with a grin. "I'll have to show you."

"You _said_ you deleted that!" he cried, horrified that Rachel would see him like that.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't," Finn answered, looking down at Rachel and mouthing _I didn't__. _

Rachel giggled again, deciding to end the brotherly spat. "You've planned a wonderful party, Kurt."

Kurt beamed. "And may I say I love your dress? Where did your stylist find it?"

"Um...Nordstrom." She shifted uncomfortably, still not willing to admit to a lack of a stylist.

"_Really_? I didn't know stylists shop in chain stores," Kurt mused. "Have you _seen_ Sugar's dress? Isn't it something?"

"Oh it's something all right," Finn replied for Rachel as a short African-American woman came running up to them. "Oh hey, Mercedes."

"Kurt, the caterers forgot the edible flowers for the food," she announced in a rush. "What are we going to do?"

Kurt gasped. "No! My entire décor for the meals revolves around those!"

He hurried off, Mercedes on his heels, leaving Finn with Rachel. She looked up at him, her eyes full of mirth. "You never told me you had a fur hat. It's so cold out today you could have worn it here. I bet Sugar would have liked it."

"Shut up," he replied as he stepped over to the bar and ordered her the same drink she'd had at the bar the other night plus a beer for himself. "He got Burt one too. I don't see you ragging on him."

"I'm still making a good impression on him," Rachel replied seriously. "I can't tease him yet!"

He grinned, handing her the drink from the bartender. "Relax Rach. My parents love you."

She sipped her drink, playing with the glass nervously. "How do you know?"

He shrugged. "I like you. That's good enough for them."

Her mouth dropped open at the thought. She'd had a grand total of one conversation with Burt and approximately three with Carole and they _liked_ her. The first time she'd met Dr. Chang, he'd barely spoken to her, except to ask her where she'd gone to school. Julia had been slightly warmer, building on the school question to find out what her major had been and if she had a Master's. Neither Burt nor Carole had asked about her education, making the determination if they liked her based solely on their son's feelings.

"Rach? You ok?" Finn asked, concern on his face.

"Picture?"

They turned to see the photographer gesturing them together. Rachel automatically stepped into her red carpet couples pose, one leg bent as her body turned towards Finn's and her hand on his stomach.

She grinned widely, waiting until the flash went off and the photographer had left before she spoke.

"I'm perfect."

* * *

><p>The party had been in full swing for a while, and true to his word, Finn had stoically remained off the dance floor, with the exception of Rachel and his mom tag teaming him for the YMCA. They'd somehow managed to keep him out there for the Chicken Dance, claiming it was his speed and alternating spinning with him but he'd escaped to the safety of the sidelines immediately after, while Rachel stayed out there with his mom, dancing away.<p>

Fortunately, fellow non dancer Burt had managed to smuggle a few cigars past an all-seeing Kurt and he'd spent some time freezing his ass off outside secretly wishing he had that fur hat while Burt and Uncle Howard smoked. Fear of Bernadette, or worse _Kurt_, catching them, combined with the fact that it had started to flurry had put an end to the cigars and he'd made his way over to the bar, waving to Rachel on the dance floor while he waited for his drink.

"Oh, Fifi, there you are! I've scheduled us for a slow dance," Sugar announced, sidling up to the bar. "I've asked the DJ to play our song."

"Huh?" Finn asked, staring at Rachel as she Vogued with Kurt and Aunt Bernadette.

"The DJ is going to play our song," Sugar repeated happily. "It should be coming up soon."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Finn demanded, finally focusing his attention on Sugar. "We don't have a song."

"Don't be stupid, Fifi. Of course we have a song," Sugar replied airily. "It's the song we danced to at Quinn's wedding."

"The Macarena?" He stared at Sugar, horrified by the memory of his mom dragging him out there for that dance. Sugar of course, had placed herself directly in front of him, gyrating all around him as he'd tried to follow the movements of the dance. "I hate that dance."

"There's that droll sense of humor I don't appreciate," Sugar responded dryly. "You know the song we slow danced to was _God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You._ That song is _very_ applicable to me of course."

"Are you insane?" he cried, cursing his mom for making him promise to slow dance with Sugar at that stupid wedding. "We _don't_ have a song! And if we did, it wouldn't be that one!"

"What's wrong with NSYNC?" Sugar demanded.

"Nothing, except for the fact that they suck." His eyes strayed out to the dance floor again, where Rachel was laughing at something Kurt had apparently just said.

"_Every _couple has a song, Fifi." She leveled her arms against her chest. "It's like a rule. Don't you read _Cosmo_?"

"Do I look like Kurt?" he snapped, annoyed enough to consider going out on the dance floor to get away from Sugar. Rachel, he noticed, had stopped laughing with Kurt and was now watching him.

"So, Fifi, tell me. Do you have a song with _her_?" Sugar asked sweetly, determined to be one up on Rachel. "I bet she hasn't picked one out."

"Of course we have a song. It's..." He trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"I'm waiting." Sugar crossed her arms expectantly.

"I don't know if I want to tell you," he stalled, crossing his own arms. "It's special to me and Rachel."

"You don't want to tell me because you _don't_ have one," Sugar insisted.

"Don't have what?"

Finn turned his head at the welcomed interruption, pleased to see Rachel sidling up to him. She smiled at him as she slipped her arms around his waist and he smiled back, his own arm coming to rest on her shoulder.

"Don't have what?" she repeated, her hands locking around his waist as she leaned her head against him.

"A couples song. Fifi claims it's a secret," Sugar taunted as her eyes took in Rachel's hand placement.

"That's because it is," Finn snapped. "It has special meaning to us."

"You _don't_ have a song," Sugar insisted. "You're just doing this to annoy me."

Rachel unwrapped herself from Finn to stare at Sugar. "As a matter of fact, we _do_ have a song," she replied coolly. "It happens to be the song that was playing on the radio when we kissed for the first time."

"Oh really and what would that be?" Sugar asked though narrowed eyes.

"If you must know, it happens to be Celine's blockbuster hit _My Heart Will Go On_," Rachel retorted. "Isn't that right, baby?"

"Totally." Finn grinned, pulling Rachel close to him. The fact that Rachel had unknowingly gotten a direct hit when she mentioned that song made him grin even more since _Titanic_ was Sugar's all time favorite movie and would no doubt be furious another girl was using the song from it with him.

Sure enough, Sugar gasped. "The theme song from the greatest movie ever made?"

Rachel frowned. "Well I don't know about that. Surely Barbra has made-"

"Fifi! How could you!" Sugar screeched. "That was going to be our wedding song!"

Finn rolled his eyes. "Considering we're _**never**_ getting married, I think it's ok."

Sugar's eyes narrowed to slits as she turned back to Rachel. "FYI, that song is taken. I claimed it back at my Sweet Sixteen when I had Fifi do a spotlight dance with me."

Rachel crossed her arms as she stared back at Sugar. "Really."

"It's on Facebook." Sugar placed her hand on her hip. "It has 593 likes."

"Plus a comment that you're insane," Finn offered helpfully.

"And once again, I _didn't_ appreciate you writing that," Sugar admonished.

Rachel turned her head into Finn's chest, his shirt muffling the very unladylike snort escaping her mouth.

Finn glanced down at her, his lips quirking into a smile.

"And furthermore, as I've told you numerous times, it does no good to use the word insane as a term of endearment. Mother has given me a list of acceptable names. I'll have Daddy's social secretary fax it over yet _again_." Sugar turned her attention back to Rachel. "And as for you, _everyone_ knows that what's posted on Facebook is like totally binding and true."

"So you _are_ insane?" Finn cut in.

"Funny, Fifi," Sugar snapped. "Are you ready for our slow dance? It should be coming on any second."

Rachel separated herself from Finn immediately, sliding her hand into Finn's as she glared at Sugar. "Well _Fifi_ promised to dance with me, so I'm going to bring him out on the dance floor now. FYI."

Satisfied by the indignant spurts coming from behind her, Rachel towed Finn onto the dance floor, not stopping until she'd reached Kurt and Aunt Bernadette. Her hand still in his, she smiled up at him. "Sorry for the ambush but you looked like you needed saving."

He glanced down at her, giving her a crooked smile. His eyes roamed over to the side off the dance floor where a very unhappy Sugar was watching with narrowed eyes and he lowered his face to Rachel's so that his lips were near her ear. "I could think of worse people to be ambushed by."

She giggled, placing her free hand against his cheek. "Let's dance."

"Yeah, not going to happen." He glanced down at her, noticing that she was already swaying to the beat, her hands on his hips. "Bad enough I was out here before."

Kurt snorted. "Good luck with that. I'm amazed you got him out on the dance floor once. Finn doesn't dance."

"I'm sure that's not true, Kurt," Rachel chided. "I'm sure Finn can dance."

"I told you before, Rachel. I don't dance," Finn said firmly.

"It's for your own safety," Kurt added. "He's like a national disaster. The man cannot dance."

"Hey!"

"Kurt, you know that's not true," Aunt Bernadette interjected. "There's one dance Finny can do."

"Oh really? What would that be?" Rachel asked, noticing that Finn's face had darkened in color.

"Finn didn't tell you?" Aunt Bernadette glanced from a confused Rachel to a scarlet Finn.

"Aunt Bernie..." Finn pleaded, a slight note of panic in his voice. "Don't."

Bernadette waved him off with her hand. "Don't worry Finny. I'm sure Rachel would love to know all about the routine I choreographed for you when you were younger."

Rachel gasped. "Really? A Rockette choreographed a routine just for you?"

Bernadette beamed. "Oh yes. Before Carole remarried, Finn used to come to the dance studio with me to choreograph Rockette dances while Carole worked. He just loved coming and he kept crying because he was too small to dance in the kick line so I made him his own routine."

"_Really_?" Rachel squealed, wrapping her arms around a mortified Finn. "You never told me this! You must have looked so cute!"

"Absolutely. We had to do that routine at the end of every rehearsal," Bernadette replied, patting Finn's arm affectionately. "We even made him a little soldier costume like the ones the Rockettes wear."

"That is beyond adorable," Rachel announced, squeezing Finn's middle. "You wanted to be a Rockette!"

"I was five!" Despite his mortification, the feeling of Rachel's touch was not lost on him and his hands moved to wrap around her automatically.

"Finn had a costume?" Kurt demanded. "And why am I only hearing about this _now_? There better be photo evidence of this."

"It's with the picture of you in the birthday hat," Finn snapped.

"Oh don't worry, Kurt. I have a whole photo album," Bernadette announced cheerfully, either not noticing that Finn had buried his face in his hands or else ignoring it. "Why don't you go tell the DJ to play Finn's song?"

"What? No!" Finn cried, to no avail since Kurt was already hurrying off to the DJ. "Aunt Bernie!"

"Do you know how lucky you are?" Rachel squealed, bouncing in place. "I'd kill to have a personally choreographed routine on my résumé!"

"Yeah, it's great," Finn muttered.

"What's the song?" Rachel demanded, still bouncing in place as she stared up at him.

"Only my Finny's favorite song," Bernadette announced enthusiastically. "Ready, Finn?"

Rachel cocked her head as the next song began to play. "Is that...?"

Finn nodded miserably. "Unfortunately yes. But in my defense, I was five."

Rachel giggled as the vocals of The Village People's _Macho Man_ reverberated around them. "Let's see those moves, Mr. Rockette."

"Not gonna happen," Finn said firmly.

"Come on, Finn!" Bernadette called, her birthday button blinking merrily on her chest as she began the dance.

"No way," he called back.

"Rachel! Get your man to dance!" Bernadette directed as she danced.

"I'm on it!" Taking Bernadette's directive seriously, Rachel turned back to Finn, her eyes wide.

"No, Rachel. Just no," Finn replied quickly, already weakening as Rachel wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Please, Finn?" She stared up at him with wide eyes. "Do it for me?"

He stared down at the brown orbs trained on his face and sighed, the cute way she was biting her lip making him completely cave. "Fine."

Rachel squealed and stepped away from him, clapping her hands excitedly. "Begin!"

He sighed again, hardly believing he was doing this but Rachel's eyes were shining and her smile was so wide that he found himself launching into the routine.

His pathetic dancing, showcased brilliantly next to his aunt's, caught the attention of other party goers and a dance circle formed around them much to his chagrin. Kurt certainly didn't help matters since he was pushing people back to make more room.

His mortification was officially off the charts when he spied Burt recording him, knowing that Kurt would be uploading it to YouTube the second he was done dancing and he could only pray that it didn't go viral.

Any worries about YouTube were forgotten when he peeked over at Rachel, standing off to the side with Rory, her eyes shining as she watched him dance. He smiled at her, dancing his way over, his hand outstretched.

"Finn, no!" she protested, laughing as he pulled her out into the dance circle.

"Come on, Broadway. Let's see you break out the moves like Jagger," he teased, dancing goofily around her, his original dance forgotten.

Rachel burst out laughing as he continued to gyrate around her, grabbing her hands and forcing her to dance with him. Channeling his inner Fred Astaire, he tried to twirl her around, only to send her into his cousin Peter.

"Finn!" she chided, laughing at the same time.

"Sorry, dude," Finn called over as he pulled Rachel back over to him.

"I told you he's a hazard on the dance floor," Kurt called over.

Finn glared at him as the song mercifully ended, taking a step towards the edge of the dance floor having spotted Sugar dragging Rory onto it.

Rachel grabbed his hand as a new song started. "Oh, you're not going anywhere."

He flinched, recognizing Usher's _Yeah!_ begin to play_. _Sugar positioned herself nearby, already dirty dancing with Rory_. "_This really isn't my kind of dancing._"_

_"_Of course it is!" she decided, grabbing his hand and turning, her back to him as she wrapped his arms around her. "One dance and then we'll go eat."

He looked longingly at the table, watching the waiters place the salads down until he felt Rachel grind against him, her hands moving his to her waist. All thoughts of salad were immediately forgotten as he concentrated on not embarrassing himself, his dancing suddenly the least of his worries. Rachel kept her hands firmly on his as she continued to grind against him, moving both of them to the music.

Relief came for a moment when she separated from him, only to place his right arm around her waist as she changed positions, placing her hand on his right shoulder as she ground against his side. His eyes closed at the movements, his hand clutching her waist tightly. Just when he thought he'd have to excuse himself in embarrassment, the song ended and soft dinner music came on.

Rachel hugged his waist. "See? That wasn't so bad, was it?"

He slung an arm around her shoulder, grinning at the thought of her grinding. "Nope. Not bad at all."

In fact, he'd say her grinding against him was more like _awesome_. He didn't know if that was banned in that contract but he was willing to violate it if it was.

More than willing.

* * *

><p>"So Rachel, tell us. How come a big Broadway star like you had time to come to party like this?" Sugar asked sweetly as the waiter placed her salmon dinner in front of her. "I would think you'd be <em>super<em> busy. Although I suppose texting Finn all day takes up a lot of your time."

Rachel stared at her across the table, taking a sip of her water and picking up her fork before she answered. "I'm between roles at the moment."

"You know she's waiting to hear about the lead in _Mary Poppins_," Finn added as he cut his Filet Mignon.

Beside him, Rachel used her fork to grab a forkful of his mashed potatoes, slipping it into her mouth as Sugar watched her every movement. "Mmm. Those are good Finn."

"I'm surprised you're eating carbs," Sugar commented. "I would think you'd need to watch your weight. No costume on _Gossip Girl_ is bigger than a size 2, you know."

She shrugged. "I'm ok then. Besides, I can always have Finn train me. He gives _such_ a good workout."

Sugar narrowed her eyes at the innuendo, watching Rachel spear a carrot off his plate and eat it.

Smiling at the fact that she'd thrown Sugar, Rachel broke off a piece of her Eggplant, holding it up to Finn's mouth. "Here baby."

Sugar's eyes narrowed further as he accepted the forkful and chewed. "Finn doesn't like Eggplant, Rachel. I would think a _girlfriend_ would know that."

Finn swallowed, not about to admit that she was right, that he felt like he was eating rubber. "Rachel makes an amazing Eggplant and she got me liking it."

"You only like the way Cook makes it," she commented suspiciously.

Finn shrugged as Rachel grabbed another forkful of mashed potatoes off his plate. "Turns out I don't."

Sugar stayed silent for a few minutes as she ate, giving the other occupants of the table time to question Rachel about her chosen career, listening excitedly as she described the shows she'd worked on.

Loving the attention, Rachel enthusiastically answered all their questions as she ate (occasionally stealing more potatoes off Finn's plate). Finn stayed silent, letting her have the spotlight as he ate his steak, pleased that their ruse was going so perfectly. He glanced out the window of the tent, noticing the snowflakes swirling past as he chewed.

"So Finn. I've asked the DJ to hold off on our song until after dinner," Sugar announced to the amusement of the table. "It looks like he's about to start up again, so I expect it'll be soon."

"I'm afraid I can't permit that, Sugar. Finn has promised me the next slow song," Rachel replied; calmly dabbing her face with her napkin. "I hope it's our song."

_"Alright, alright! Who's ready to slow it down with some Elvis?"_

The DJ's voice reverberated around the room, making a grin break out on Rachel's face. She turned to Finn, her hand on his thigh. "It's not our song, but shall we?"

"We shall." Smiling, he stood up, offering his hand to her.

"We'll join you," Carole decided, pulling Burt up with her.

"Watch your toes, Rachel!" Kurt called after them as they walked onto the dance floor.

"You owe me big time," Finn murmured as they stopped in the center of the dance floor. "I don't dance."

She smiled impishly. "You keep saying that, but yet I keep finding you out here."

**_Wise men say only fools rush in  
><em>** **_But I can't help falling in love with you_**

Rachel flushed at the words as she stepped closer to Finn, her hands tentatively resting on his shoulders while his came to rest on her waist. She smiled shyly up at him as they began swaying slowly side to side.

**_Shall I stay  
><em>** **_Would it be a sin_**  
><strong><em>If I can't help falling in love with you<em>**

Rachel smiled, noticing at the same time that Finn had pulled her a little closer. She slowly moved her arms so that they were under his, her finger splayed gently across his back. Her head is suddenly resting against his chest, the sound of his heartbeat reverberating in her ear and she smiled again when she felt him place his hands on the small of her back.

**_Like a river flows surely to the sea  
><em>** **_Darling so it goes  
><em>** **_Some things are meant to be  
><em>** **_Take my hand, take my whole life too_**  
><strong><em>For I can't help falling in love with you<em>**

She sighed as she felt his left hand come up to grab her right and hold it against his chest. They swayed gently to the music, Finn's head lowering to rest near hers and she closed her eyes, completely content at that moment.

**_Like a river flows surely to the sea_**  
><strong><em>Darling so it goes<br>_** **_Some things are meant to be_**

Her head shifted on his shoulder, moving closer towards his neck and that intoxicating smell. She inhaled deeply, glad Santana had forced her to wear the Manolos since it gave her the height she needed to bury her face in Finn's neck. Finn himself had moved his head so that his cheek was resting against her head and she sighed, placing a light kiss against his neck. His head shifted again at her touch, his hands pulling her closer.

Overcome by the feeling of being in his arms, she placed another soft kiss on his neck, this time close to his jaw. He held her close as a third kiss was applied to his jaw, just as light as the first two. It was followed immediately by her lips trailing ultra soft kisses along his jaw and he turned his face slightly, just in time for her lips to find his.

All pretense of dancing stopped as their lips met softly. The initial softness gave way to a more firm kiss, their mouths opening as he returned her kiss, his hand coming up to hold the back of her neck. She brought her arms up to rest around his neck, sighing against his lips when she felt him pressing her body against his.

**_Take my hand, take my whole life too  
><em>****_For I can't help falling in love with you  
><em>****_For I can't help falling in love with you_**

They broke apart, staring into each other's eyes for a second before Finn cupped her face with his hands, leaning down to kiss her again. Her tongue slipped out to trace his bottom lip, easily sliding into his mouth and she fisted his hair as their tongues did their own dance.

"Ahem."

Startled, Rachel broke apart from Finn to see Kurt staring at them, his foot tapping the ground impatiently. Breathing heavy, she placed her head on Finn's shoulder as she stared back at Kurt.

"What do you want? We're busy," Finn replied, still holding Rachel close to him.

"Yes, I can see that you're busy standing in place but I need to ask a big favor of Rachel," Kurt retorted. "I'm in crisis mode."

"What do you need, Kurt?" Rachel asked, her head still resting against Finn's chest.

"Aunt Bernadette had only one song she wanted played and the DJ has just informed me he doesn't have it," Kurt explained in a rush. "How familiar are you with _My Fair Lady_?"

Rachel's eyes lit up as she pulled her head off Finn's chest. "I played Eliza in a college production."

"Yeah?_ The Lima Ledger_ slam you?" Finn asked, chuckling at the thought.

Rachel slapped his chest playfully. "Funny. For you information, my college paper gave me lovely reviews. One review even said I moved them to tears." She turned back to Kurt. "How can I help?"

"I need you to sing!" Kurt rushed out. "You _have_ to perform Aunt Bernadette's song, you have to."

"Kurt! She's not a circus act," Finn snapped. "She's a guest."

"It's ok, Finn," Rachel replied, separating herself from him. "I'd be more than happy to sing."

"Great! Let's go!" Kurt cried, yanking her out of Finn's embrace.

"Kurt, wait." Finn grabbed Rachel's hand, pulling her back towards him. Tenderly, he used his fingers to lift up her chin. "You don't have to do this."

She smiled, pressing a kiss to his lips. "It's ok. I'd be more than happy to sing."

"You sure? You don't have to," he murmured, unable to resist issuing a kiss of his own.

She smiled, her tongue running over her lips. "I want to."

"_Rachel_. You two can make out later," Kurt insisted, pulling Rachel towards him again. "Come on."

Rachel barely had time to look over her shoulder as Kurt yanked her away. "You mean right now?"

"Thank God, you're here. I almost had to resort to using Jesse," Kurt whispered as he pulled her towards the DJ. "And he has way too many demands. I'm not changing the lighting just to suit him."

Rachel laughed uneasily, having just been wondering if she could somehow do a Barbra and only have the photographer shoot her left side.

"But since you're a legit Broadway star, you totally blow him away," Kurt gloated. "I hope you don't mind if I do the maid's background part in the song."

"Not at all," Rachel replied graciously, secretly wondering if he could sing.

"I was a featured soloist in my high school glee club you know," Kurt confided as he gestured to the DJ to hold off on the next song. "I'm a Countertenor."

"Really?" Impressed, she accepted the microphone Kurt handed her, quietly beginning to warm up her voice with a set of scales.

"Oh yes. You just keep warming up while I do the photo montage," he directed, grabbing the DJ's microphone as the current song ended. "Excuse me! Can I have your attention please?" He waited till the room had gone quiet before he spoke. "As you know, we're here to celebrate Aunt Bernadette's birthday, and with the help of her daughters, we've put together a montage. Aunt Bernadette, this is your life."

Rachel continued warming up quietly as photos of Aunt Bernadette's life began to flash on the TV's behind Kurt set to The Beatle's _In My Life_. She'd just begun a new scale when a picture of Bernadette and a toddler dressed in a teddy bear costume, complete with a big red bow, arrived on the screen. The toddler's hair and ears were covered by the bear costume, but it was the face, with a half smile gracing it, that made Rachel stop mid-scale. Her head swiveled to where Finn was sitting at their table, the same half smile on his own face as he watched the montage. She turned back to the picture, unable to take her eyes off the toddler.

She knew it. She _knew_ a mini Finn would be adorable.

Her warm-ups forgotten, she watched the remainder of the montage avidly, in the hopes of seeing more Finn. She was rewarded several pictures later, when a large group picture came up. She smiled at the sight of the old time photo, in which every occupant in the picture was dressed in clothing appropriate for the Old West. Even in his cowboy hat and chaps, she was easily able to pick out a stone faced Finn, placed on a stool in the front with a sleeve of bullets strapped across his chest and a gun in one hand, clinking the beer glass in his other hand with Burt's. Bernadette, Carole, and several girls she recognized from the party but didn't know who they were, were all dressed as either saloon girls or women of the Old West and she laughed at the sight of Kurt dressed like Burt and Finn, his gun at the ready next to Uncle Howard. She studied Finn carefully, putting his age at about 18.

And 18 year old Finn was just as adorable as toddler Finn.

The picture changed to one of Bernadette with people she didn't recognize and she lost interest as the remaining few pictures flashed by. She thought back to the Old West picture, trying to determine if Mike's family would ever take a picture like that, already knowing that they wouldn't. Dr. Chang would site his age and his job as a reason, claiming he'd lose the respect of his peers and Julia would balk at the used costumes. Yet every single person in Finn's family had been willing to pose for that silly picture, regardless of what it may look like to others. When the picture had come up, it had drawn a laugh from the tent, including from the occupants of the picture, something she was positive the Chang's wouldn't do if they were here. She frowned as that thought hit her, not realizing that Kurt had begun talking into the microphone again.

"Ok, Aunt Bernadette, we have one more surprise for you. As I'm sure everyone on our side of the family knows, my brother Finn has finally done good and somehow got a real bonafide star of the Broadway stage to date him. Crazy, right?"

She laughed at that, noticing that Finn's face had gone red as Carole patted his cheek.

"Not only has she agreed to date him, she's accompanied him here to meet our little family. While we may need to have Uncle Tom test her later for signs of a possible drugging, she has very graciously agreed to sing Aunt Bernadette's favorite Broadway show tune. And now, without further ado, singing _I Could Have Danced All Night_ from the legendary show _My Fair Lady_, is Ms. Rachel Berry."

Rachel smiled, waving as she walked out onto the dance floor to the microphone stand Kurt had set up for her while the montage was being played, his own stand just behind hers. Her eyes found Finn as she adjusted the microphone, noticing that he was watching her intently. "Hi everyone. My name is Rachel and I'd just like to wish Aunt Bernadette a happy birthday." She closed her eyes for a moment before she began to sing.

**_Bed, Bed I couldn't go to bed  
>My head's too light to try to set it down<br>Sleep, Sleep I couldn't sleep tonight  
>Not for all the jewels in the crown<em>**

_**I could have danced all night  
><strong>_ _**I could have danced all night  
><strong>_ _**And still have begged for more  
><strong>_ _**I could have spread my wings  
><strong>_ _**And done a thousand things  
><strong>_ _**I've never done before**_

She poured her heart into the song, the emotions from their kiss still running through her. She glanced over at Finn again, noticing that he had a dumbfounded look on his face. Unable to think about why, she focused on getting the emotion Eliza was portraying in the song into her words, which wasn't hard since she had a pretty good idea of what Eliza had been feeling after she'd danced with Professor Higgins.

_**I'll never know  
><strong>_ _**What made it so exciting  
><strong>_ _**Why all at once,**_  
><em><strong>My heart took flight<strong>_

_**I only know when he  
><strong>_ _**Began to dance with me  
><strong>_ _**I could have danced danced danced!  
><strong>_ _**All night.**_

She took a breath, ready to let Kurt sing his lines and curious to see if he really was a Countertenor. What flowed to her ears though, was the voice of a Tenor.

_**It's after three now**_

_**Don't you agree now  
><strong>_ _**She ought to be in bed**_

Startled, Rachel looked over to see _Jesse_ singing the maid's part, instead of Kurt. Not about to have her thunder stolen by a member of Vocal Adrenaline, she turned back to the room, her eyes easily finding Finn again. His face still wore that dumbfounded look, but he was frowning, which she assumed was from Jesse, not her spectacular vocals.

_**I could have danced all night  
><strong>_ _**I could have danced all night**_ _**  
>And still have begged for more<strong>_

**_I could have spread my wings  
>And done a thousand things<br>I've never done before._**

**_I'll never know  
>What made it so exciting.<br>Why all at once my heart took flight._**

**_I only know when he  
>Began to dance with me<br>I could have danced, danced danced  
>all night!<em>**

She paused again, waiting for Jesse to sing, her eyes locked on Finn.

**_I understand, dear._**  
><strong><em>It's all been grand, dear.<em>**  
><strong><em>But now it's time to sleep.<em>**

Taking a deep breath, she began to sing the climax of the song as Jesse continued to sing his part behind her. Her eyes never left a certain chair at Table 2 as she poured everything she could into the song. A thousand emotions were swirling though her and she was suddenly able to relate to Eliza in a way she never had while actually playing the role in college.

**_I could have danced all night,  
><em>** **_I could have danced all night._**  
><strong><em>And still have begged for more.<em>**

**_I could have spread my wings,  
>And done a thousand things<br>I've never done before. _**

**_I'll never know  
>What made it so exciting.<br>Why all at once my heart took flight. _**

**_I only know when he  
>Began to dance with me<br>I could have danced, danced, danced  
>All night!<em>**

She held out the last note as long as she could, not moving even as the entire tent erupted into a thunderous applause. Finn, she noticed, had jumped out of his seat to lead the standing ovation, a huge smile on his face.

A smile just as big on her own face, she curtsied to her audience, ready to run back to her table. She failed to take Jesse into account, the hand he'd just placed on her arm stopping her escape. Annoyed, she turned to him. "What?"

"Your vocal range is impressive," he commented. "Almost as good as mine, but then you probably lack my training."

"Excuse me?" she bristled.

"Ordinarily, I wouldn't dream of dueting with an untested partner, but the moment I heard you hit that High G, I knew we'd make musical magic together," he replied smoothly. "That's why I pushed Kurt out of the way before he could sing."

"I need to get back to Finn." She shook her arm free from him.

Jesse snorted. "I saw you using him as a humping post on the dance floor. He looked like he was about to explode."

"I was not using him as a humping post," Rachel snapped. "Any humping of Finn that I do is in done in private."

She blanched as she noticed Carole's cousin Susan staring at her from just behind Jesse, having clearly just heard what she'd said.

"I'm just saying, you can't deny our musical chemistry," Jesse replied calmly. "Finn can't even spell High G, let alone hit it."

"Of course he can't hit it, he'd be a Baritone or a Tenor like you, I'd imagine," Rachel defended. "And I'd appreciate it if you'd stop speaking negatively of my boyfriend."

"Well if you get the urge to duet again tonight, I'm at Table 24," he announced, bringing her hand up to kiss the back of it. "Perhaps next time we could sing something a little more suited to me."

She pulled her hand back from her. "It was lovely dueting with you, but I need to go."

Anxious to get back to her table, she turned, happy to see that Finn was halfway across the dance floor and heading for her. She ran for him, throwing her arms around him as she jumped to greet him. "What did you think?"

He held her close, spinning her through the air. "Rachel! I'm..."

"What?" she asked nervously as he placed her down.

He grabbed her face, his hands cradling her as he leaned down to kiss her. "I'm speechless." He kissed her again. "Blown away." Another kiss. "Amazed and in awe."

She giggled, issuing a kiss of her own while her fingers hooked into his belt loops. "I guess you liked it?"

"Are you crazy? I loved it." He stroked her cheeks as he stared at her. "Your background vocalist sucked though."

"Did he bring down my performance?" she asked worriedly. "If I had known that I'd be performing, I'd have-"

He gave her a reassuring kiss, calming her immediately. "Not at all. Will is insane for not calling you already. You should have had the job on the spot."

She sighed, using his belt loops to move him closer before she kissed him again. "Thank you."

"No problem," he mumbled against her lips. He straightened, slipping his arms around her waist. "Aunt Bernie's dying to speak to you."

"Really?" She leaned her head against his chest, her fingers still holding him to her by his belt loops.

"Yup. She's just saying goodbye to a bunch of people."

"They're leaving already?" she asked, hoping it didn't have to do with her performance. "We just had dinner."

"Not because of you," he replied, dropping a kiss on her head. "They're old so you know they can't be out late. Plus, I think one of them saw a snowflake go past so they're all panicking."

"Oh." Relieved, she allowed him to lead her back to their table, where a gushing Carole was ready to pounce.

"Rachel! You were amazing!" she cried, throwing her arms around her. "I'm absolutely blown away by your talent. Simply phenomenal."

"You've got quite a set of pipes," Burt added admiringly.

She blushed at the compliments, hugging Carole back. A third pair of arms hugged her from behind and she turned a little, already knowing from the feel of them that it wasn't Finn.

"Amazing, Rachel. You did Julie Andrews proud." Kurt squeezed her harder, squishing her against Carole. "I'm gonna kill Jesse for ruining my chance to sing with you."

"Well you'll never get the chance to sing with her if you squish her to death," Finn announced, pulling Kurt off her and gathering Rachel into his arms.

"You were wonderful, Rachel," Rosemary added warmly. "Don't you think so, Sugar?"

"She's no Ke$ha," Sugar replied. "I doubt she'd even make it to the finals of _American Idol_."

"You can't just admit she's good?"Finn snapped. "Even Cornelius did."

"Who?"

Finn flinched, shifting uncomfortably. "Uh no one."

"You said _Cornelius_," Sugar pressed. "Do you mean Cornelius Von Kingston the third? He didn't tell me he knew you last time I saw him at the Cape."

"Cornelius is a child I babysit for," Rachel lied smoothly, having no idea who the Cornelius Sugar mentioned was. "He's a very tough critic."

"Rachel finally won him over with her stirring rendition of the Spongebob song," Finn added cheekily, laughing at Rachel's blush.

"Broadway stars have to baby-sit?" Sugar questioned, her voice full of mocking.

"I'm sure it's part of Broadway Cares," Kurt mused. "Come, Rachel, let's be fabulous on the dance floor until its time for cake." He grabbed her hand, pulling her away. Not going without Finn, she latched onto him with her free hand, pulling him along with her.

She actually managed to keep Finn out on the dance floor for a while, possibly because Jesse kept trying to dance with her. Even with Jesse constantly butting in, she managed two more slow dances with Finn, relinquishing the third to Carole while she danced with Kurt. The rest of the songs she spent teaching Finn to dance (and if he had to occasionally serve as a humping post, well that was simply part of the dance).

Even after she'd had the honor of leading the rapidly dwindling party goers in singing happy birthday and partaking in some of Finn's cake, she'd gotten him back on the dance floor for some more dancing, much to Sugar's annoyance since her requested song still hadn't been played.

"I need a break, Rach," Finn panted as a Black Eyed Peas song finished.

"Me too," she conceded, allowing him to lead her back to their empty table. Rather than sit in her chair, she waited for Finn to sit before she settled in his lap. She wove her hands around his neck, playing with his hair as she felt his hands wrap around her waist, softly stroking her thigh. "Sugar's watching. I think we should make out."

"Yeah?" he asked, more than willing to go along with it. "Even though the contract expressly forbids it?"

"I added a loophole," she murmured, her lips already against his, pressing firmly until he'd opened his mouth and she could slide her tongue in. She wrapped her arms tighter around his neck, her tongue moving furiously in his mouth. Pulling away because her lungs necessitated it, she sucked on his bottom lip, biting it softly. She mewled as she felt Finn transfer his lips to her neck, softly sucking on the skin there.

Her eyes did a Sugar check, frowning when she was nowhere in sight. She glanced around the tent as Finn kissed behind her ear, noticing Burt, Kurt, Carole and Aunt Bernadette deep in conversation, weird looks on their faces. "Finn?"

"Hmm?" he replied, busy kissing along her jawline as he headed back to her lips.

"What's going on? Your parents are coming over here with strange looks on their faces," she replied as a thought gripped her. "Do you think they're annoyed we were making out?"

"Nah." He picked up his head to look at her. "Burt's caught me doing a lot worse."

"Are you sure?" she insisted as she watched them come closer. "They look serious. Kurt does too."

"He's probably mad people left without taking a favor," Finn decided. "Now where-"

"_Finn_!" His mom's voice cut him off.

"Yeah Mom?" His hand continued to softly stroke Rachel's thigh.

"It's snowing," Carole announced. "Most of the guests have left already."

"So?" he asked, keenly aware that Rachel had removed one arm from around his neck and placed it on her lap.

"So this is an unexpected storm," Kurt snapped. "It's not supposed to snow until Monday."

"It's coming down hard, baby," Carole added. "Al and Rosemary left before and he just called to say the highways and airports are so bad, they've already closed."

"Why didn't they take Sugar with them?" Finn asked, noticing her skulking nearby, the ramifications of his mother's statement not sinking in.

"Don't you see what this means?" Burt queried. "It's been snowing since before the party started and there's already close to a foot of snow and it's not showing any signs of stopping."

"Snowball fight in five minutes?" Finn guessed, his fingers busy playing with Rachel's.

Burt shook his head. "We're snowed in."

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Guess Rachel should have checked the weather forecast as she prepared for the role :)_**

**_I'm super excited to actually be updating this on #FifiFriday ;) The chapter was done Thursday but I held off :)_**


	13. Weekend At Bernie's, Night One

**_Disclaimer: Glee is not mine. _**

* * *

><p><strong><em>"I've been thinking a lot about secrets. How sometimes secrets keep people from feeling like they belong, and sometimes secrets make you feel like you do belong." <em>**

**_- Roswell_**

* * *

><p><em>"Alright, let's go to the map. As you can see a freak snowstorm has slammed the tri-state area and brought the city to a halt. Better break out the hot chocolate and board games because this snow's not stopping anytime soon."<em>

Burt turned off the TV with a sigh. "Looks like we're gonna be here a while."

"The newscasters have upped the snow total to over four feet," Kurt announced, peering at his phone. "Finn and Rory are gonna have a lot to shovel."

"I think you forgot a name," Carole replied in her _don't mess with me_ tone. She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "I can't quite remember it but I think it starts with a K and ends with an _urt_."

Kurt gasped. "You _can't_ be serious. I don't even have my snow boots here."

"Oh she's serious. The second the snow stops shovels will be issued," Burt replied, picking up his feet as Sugar paced dangerously close to his chair. "For now, you might as well enjoy being warm indoors."

"Yeah, especially since I plan on aiming the snow blower right at you, Kurt." Finn snickered, enjoying the gasp coming from Kurt's mouth a little too much. "I hope white is the in color this year."

"You wouldn't dare." Kurt narrowed his eyes at Finn.

"I just might."

"In that case, I just might feel compelled to tell Rachel all about a certain red leather costume." He crossed his arms in satisfaction as he stared at Finn, pleased to see Finn's mouth open and shut a few times.

"What red leather costume?" Rachel asked immediately from her place on the couch next to Finn.

"Nothing," he replied quickly, hoping she'd drop it. Fortunately, for once, Sugar's presence was beneficial to Finn since she increased her pacing and frequent sighing at that moment, earning the attention of the room.

"Problem, Sugar?" Carole asked kindly.

"Are we seriously snowed in? I _can't_ be. I _won't_ be." Sugar clutched her cell phone harder as she paced. "I'm supposed to go to Barney's tomorrow for my monthly appointment with my personal shopper."

"Give it up Sugar," Finn groaned from his place on the couch as he watched Sugar pace, her cell phone in her hand. "We're all snowed in. There's nothing you can do about it."

"I refuse to accept that. I'm sure Daddy's sending Antonio on a snowmobile as we speak." She frowned at her silent cell phone. "I simply refuse to be snowed in unless I have the right wardrobe for being snowed in."

Rolling his eyes, Finn glanced at Rachel, who was curled into his side, the blanket from the back of the couch draped over both of them. Unlike Sugar, Rachel had taken the news of being snowed in calmly, merely commenting that she needed to call Santana to take care of her cat.

"Why don't you kids go hang out in the basement?" Carole suggested. "Jesse's already down there, I believe."

"Exactly. That's why we're up here," Finn grumbled, his hand running up Rachel's arm. "Rory got cornered down there before and hasn't been seen since. Jesse probably bored him to death."

"Shhh!" Carole hissed as Bernadette and Howard came into the room.

"Ok I think we finally got it all settled, room wise," Howard announced to the room at large. "Burt and Carole have their usual room, Sugar you'll be with-"

"I'm with Finn, duh." She waved a hand dismissively, busy staring at her cell phone. "It's all settled."

"Really, Finn?" Bernadette asked, surprised. "You're ok with that?"

"No, I am not ok with that!" Finn cried. "I'm sharing with Rachel and _only_ Rachel."

"Sugar can share with me," Kurt offered. "I have the new Vogue in my bag and we can critique who wore what to the party."

"I do have a lot to say about _some_ people's dresses," Sugar replied with an obvious glance at Rachel.

"Ok, Finn, why don't you show Rachel the basement?" Carole interjected, correctly assuming that Finn would be annoyed by that comment and would rise to Rachel's defense.

Finn ignored her, narrowing his eyes at Sugar. "If you have something to say about Rachel's-"

"_Finn_..." Carole warned.

"Mom! She looks like-"

"Baby, _now_," Carole insisted, channeling the same tone she'd used on Kurt earlier.

Rachel placed a hand on Finn's face, pulling him to her to place a kiss on his cheek. "Let's go, Finn. I'm sure we could find another couch to cuddle on."

"Fifi doesn't cuddle, he's allergic," Sugar interjected suspiciously. "I would think a girlfriend would know that."

Finn shrugged as he stood, pulling Rachel with him. "Fortunately, there's other things we could do on a couch."

"Finn!" Rachel hissed, throwing a horrifed look at Burt and Carole.

"What?" He glanced down at her, comprehension dawning as he looked between Rachel and his mom. "Oh. Rachel doesn't want you to think she's a whore, Mom."

"_Finn_!" Rachel screeched, coming to a complete stop.

"What? Weren't you worried about that before?" he asked as a mortified Rachel buried her face in his chest.

"Real smooth Finn," Kurt commented.

"Finn, Rachel is a lovely girl but you're embarrassing her," Carole admonished. "And she's certainly not a whore."

"I think you should know that I found her wea-" Sugar began, more than ready to change Carole's opinion of Rachel.

"Is that a tear in your dress?" Finn cut in quickly, pleased to see Sugar gasp and immediately begin to examine her dress.

"Better get her downstairs before you say something else Rachel doesn't want you to tell your mother," Burt directed. "Or you just may find yourself sharing a room with Sugar after all."

Finn gulped at that advice. "Yeah, uh, let's go, babe."

Not waiting for her response, he towed her out of the room and into the basement where Rory, his brother Seamus and Jesse were watching a European soccer game. He frowned at the seating arrangements, immediately noticing that Rory and Seamus were sharing a small couch while Jesse was alone on the larger couch. Ignoring Jesse, he flopped down on the other end of his couch, gesturing to Rachel to sit.

Unwilling to sit next to Jesse, Rachel settled onto Finn's lap, her fingers resting at the nape of his neck. She smiled at him as his arm wrapped around her waist to begin stroking the thigh not covered by her short dress. "I'm guessing by all the boy toys down here that you guys like to spend time down here?"

"Yes, Aunt Bernadette created her idea of a man cave for my Uncle Howard. Totally bourgeoisie," Jesse answered.

"I'm sure he loves it," Rachel replied, her fingers repeatedly running though the hair at the base of Finn's neck.

"Well if you ask me, the space could use a few pieces of memorabilia from her career around," Jesse replied. "It's a travesty to hide that stuff in her dance studio."

"Some people care more about being nice and about their families than about their careers," Finn snapped.

"A sentiment I've never understood," Jesse replied airily.

"Shocker," Finn muttered.

"So Rachel, it's a shame we didn't get to sing together again. You really could have benefitted," Jesse commented. "I _am_ the director of a national championship show choir, you know."

"Benefitted? How so?" Rachel demanded. "My performance was flawless."

Jesse arched an eyebrow. "How cute. Naïve, but cute nonetheless. Where to begin? Your attack at the beginning was way too harsh, your arm movements were wild and don't get me _started_ on your breathing. All non issues in Vocal Adrenaline thanks to my tutelage."

"How _dare_-" Rachel's rant was cut off before it even began by Finn's lips on hers. The more she tried to push him away the firmer he pressed his lips against hers and all thoughts of attacking Jesse began to fade away as she felt herself being pushed back on the couch, Finn's body on hers as he kissed his way to her ear.

"Ignore that stupid ass," he murmured into her ear between kisses. "The only thing he could benefit from is an ass kicking."

She giggled at that, turning her head slightly so that his lips found hers once again. Her tongue traced along his lips, just about to slip in when a sharp clearing of the throat reminded them of the presence of others.

"Seriously, Finn. There's a kid in the room," Rory announced, clearing his throat again as he gestured to his brother.

"Honestly Rory, I'm 17. It's not like I've never seen anyone wear the head off of someone before," Seamus replied. "You gonna drop the hand, Finn?"

"Dude!" Finn cried, separating from Rachel and sitting back up.

Embarrassed, Rachel sat up also, her hands still around Finn's neck. "I'm afraid I'm not familiar with those terms, Seamus."

"Don't worry about it, Rach," Finn cut in quickly, not willing to fill her in on the Irish slang. "You want to see Aunt Bernie's dance studio?"

Her curiosity forgotten, Rachel nodded eagerly, climbing off Finn's lap.

"A fabulous idea. I'll come too," Jesse announced, standing up also. "It's not like Finn will be able to explain what's inside those display cases."

Not about to be stuck with Jesse again, Finn scooped up a squealing Rachel, placing a kiss on her lips before he spoke. "Sorry Jesse. When I said _want to see the dance studio_, I really meant _want to make out_. Since I plan on holding Rachel up against Aunt Bernie's display cases while we make out, there's really no point in you coming."

"Sorry!" Rachel called from Finn's arms as he walked away from a sputtering Jesse. She looked at Finn as he carried her and continued walking to the far end of the basement. "So where is this dance studio?"

"Right here." He paused by a door Rachel hadn't noticed before. "Open."

Giggling, she unwound her arm from around Finn's neck, reaching down slightly to open the door. "There. You may continue carrying me in."

"I can huh?" he teased, carrying her into the room and making no motion to put her down.

"Yes." She reached over and flipped on the lights as he passed the switch, gasping when she saw the many display cases filled with Bernadette's memorabilia and the framed costumes lining three of the walls, while the fourth wall was a floor to ceiling mirror, stretching the length of the wall. Her mouth dropped open as she took everything in. "_Finn_! This is amazing!"

"Yeah, it's pretty cool," he agreed, carrying Rachel over to the closest display case. Having seen everything in the cases many times, he chose to watch Rachel as her eyes darted from piece to piece from the safety of his arms. He grinned as her eyes went wide, her hand reaching out to touch the glass lightly. She reached out to the next case, silently directing him to carry her to the next one.

"Finn! Is that Frank Sinatra with your aunt?" she gasped, pointing to a picture in the case. "And there she is with legendary choreographer-"

_"Fifi! Where are you?"_

"Shit!" Finn muttered. "Let's turn out the lights, maybe she'll-" His words were cut off as Rachel shifted in his arms, locking her legs around his waist.

"Press me against the glass," she demanded, her hands working furiously to open his tie more than it already was and yank his shirt out of his pants.

"Huh?" He shifted her in his arms, his hands supporting her weight by cupping her ass. Her short dress had ridden up, which meant that once again, he was able to cup her bare ass.

_"Fifi! This isn't funny! Jesse said you were here!"_

"I really hate him," Finn muttered, letting Rachel unbutton a few buttons on his shirt.

"Press me!" she hissed, her hands messing up his hair. She waited until he'd complied before she wrapped her arms around his neck, her hands burying in his hair as she began kissing him furiously. "Start kissing my neck!"

"Huh? But you said that's banned," he replied, slightly dazed from her kisses.

"You forgot that loophole I added," she murmured. "Now shut up and start sucking my neck."

Finally catching on to what they were doing, Finn kissed her back, transferring his lips to her neck, sucking and biting as he pleased. Rachel tilted her head at his actions, her eyes trained on the mirror on the wall across from them, amazed at how _sexy_ of a scene they were creating. Finn had her pressed against the display case, holding her securely while her legs were locked against the ass she'd admired before and for the briefest of seconds, she wondered if she looked this sexy with Mike. Her hair was wild and her dress had ridden up, but it only added to the sexiness.

She loved it.

Her eyes followed the movement of Finn's head, watching him bite her exposed shoulder once before he kissed his way back up to her lips and she kept her eyes open as their lips reconnected, unable to tear her gaze from the mirror as her hands tangled in his hair. Automatically, she ran her tongue along his lip, slipping it in and running along the roof of his mouth just as the door to the dance studio opened.

_"Finn!" _Sugar screeched as they broke apart. "What are you _doing_?"

Not bothering to look at Sugar, Finn kissed along Rachel's jawline. "What does it look like?"

"Hello, Sugar," Rachel added pleasantly as Finn continued to kiss behind her ear. "Do you need something? We're a little busy at the moment."

"I'm bored," Sugar announced, crossing her arms.

"We're not," Finn replied, bringing his lips back to Rachel's. "Are we babe?"

"Nope," Rachel murmured against his lips.

"Fifi! I'm _booooored_!" she whined. "And Rachel's butt is showing."

"That's the best part," Finn replied between kisses, his hands massaging her ass. "Don't be jealous since her ass is awesome."

"It's _not_ awesome! She's gonna leave a big butt print on Aunt Bernadette's cabinet!" Sugar narrowed her eyes.

He waved her off, too busy letting Rachel put her tongue back in his mouth to talk to her.

Sugar gasped at the wave off, her hands clenched as she stomped off.

"That was amazing," Finn murmured between kisses. "She totally believed it."

"I know," Rachel replied, giggling against his lips as she kissed him twice more and then a third time before she unlocked her legs and slid down his body. She frowned suddenly. "Wait. Did she say I have a big butt?"

"You totally don't," he assured her. "I think my hand could cup one whole ass cheek."

Actually, he knew it could, since he'd just done it, but he wasn't about to tell her that just in case she banned it.

"Good." She ran her hands up his chest. "But maybe we should go back out there. How do I look? Do I look thoroughly kissed?"

"You do." He smiled at her. "Even with wild hair, you still look amazing. How about me?"

She examined him closely. "Your hair is wild too and your shirt is undone, but you don't really have any marks or bites."

"Isn't that prohibited?" he questioned, caging her against the glass.

"Also part of the loophole. I never said you couldn't be marked," she elaborated. "Now pick me up again so I can mark you."

"That loophole covers a lot, huh?" Ever obliging, Finn picked her up, carrying her over to a folding chair nearby. Carefully, he sat on the chair, letting her straddle his lap but surprised when she jumped off his lap almost immediately.

"Finn!" she hissed as she resettled sideways on his lap. "I am a _lady_. I can't straddle you in a short dress like this!"

"A lady?" he teased. "You've already shown me your ass."

"I didn't show you! You peeked," she huffed. "Now hold still so I can give you a hickey."

"How very ladylike," he commented, barely able to get the words out before her mouth was on his. She kissed him a few times before working her way down his neck, testing out a few potential spots but ultimately deciding on the base of his neck. His hands rubbed her thighs as he felt her biting, sucking and repeating until she finally picked her head up.

"There." She beamed, admiring her work. "One hickey as requested."

"I didn't request it," he pointed out smugly. "You insisted."

"I'm sure you're wrong," she replied, resting her hands on his shoulders. "A lady doesn't insist on giving hickeys."

"A lady also doesn't steal phones but you did that too," he retorted, arching an eyebrow at her. He grinned at the little sputters of indignation coming from her mouth, adding a tickle of her stomach for emphasis.

"Finn!" she shrieked, scrambling to get off his lap. "You stop that this instant!"

"Nope. Not till you admit it." He tickled harder, not letting her off his lap.

She squealed again, managing to successfully distract him by kissing him quickly and freeing herself from the confines of his lap. "Ha! Escaped!"

"Oh no you don't." He jumped up, easily catching her as she tried to run away.

"Finn!" Her squeals were mixed with laughter as he held her from behind. "Release me!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that. Not until..." he trailed off, holding her close to tickle her. A knock on the door made him pause and look up in surprise."What's up, Seamus?"

"Your mom is calling down the steps for you." He paused in the doorway, unsure of what to do.

"Oh. Uh, ok. I better go see what she wants." Finn straightened up, releasing Rachel, who slipped her hand into his. He smiled down at her. "You wanna wait down here?"

She nodded. "I'll rejoin Rory."

"Cool." His hand still in hers, he followed Seamus out of the dance studio and back into the main part of the basement, pausing by the stairs to give Rachel a quick kiss. "I'll be right back."

She watched him go up the stairs with a smile before she sat back down on the couch next to Rory, ignoring Sugar staring at her from the recliner.

"Anyone want to play a game?" Seamus suggested, seemingly unaware of the death rays Sugar was sending Rachel.

"Excellent idea, Little Irish," Sugar announced, turning to Rachel. "What does Carole call Finn?"

"Excuse me?" Rachel stared at her in surprise. "Are you asking me?"

"I am." She stared at Rachel expectantly. "I'm waiting."

"She calls him baby," Rachel replied, glad that she'd heard Carole call him that several times at the party. "Why are you asking me?"

"I'm just trying to get to know you." She glared at Rachel again. "What instrument does Fifi play?"

"Drums," Rachel answered immediately. "Anything else?"

"His favorite color?" Sugar shot back.

"Plaid." Rachel glared at Sugar, ignoring Rory, Seamus and Jesse looking as if they were watching a tennis match between the two girls.

"What's his beauty routine?"

"He uses stuff for his oily T-zone," Rachel answered, relived that he'd once mentioned that in a text. "Kurt got it for him."

"Why does Fifi go to Carole's every Sunday?"

"Laundry and dinner," Rachel replied promptly.

"Why did Finn go to the hospital when we were seven?"

"Um, he broke his arm?" Rachel guessed, wishing Finn had been more thorough in his dossier.

"Ha! That's wrong!" Sugar triumphed, jumping out of her chair. "He broke his _nose_ after I hit him with my Barbie Corvette."

"You broke his nose?" Rachel cried. "With a Barbie car?"

"He tried to put GI Joe in it! Like Barbie would _ever_ date him, let alone let him drive her car," Sugar retorted. "I mean, hello, he wears his fatigues everywhere."

"He's America's hero!" Rachel defended, feeling the need to support Finn's choice of toy.

"So? Would it kill him to invest in a tuxedo?" She crossed her arms in frustration.

"Thank God you didn't hit him with the Barbie Camper," Rachel commented sarcastically. "That would have knocked him out."

Sugar wrinkled her nose. "Ew. Like my Barbies would have the camper. Camping is for poor people."

"My Barbies went on many lovely camping trips!" Rachel cried. "That's how they traveled from concert to concert! It was their tour bus."

"Could they not afford the Barbie plane?" Sugar asked sympathetically. "Mine always traveled First Class in the jet, except for that time Finn and Puck hijacked it and used it for army parachute practice."

"Do you have any other questions?" Rachel demanded, insulted at her Barbies being called poor.

"You seem very bossy," Sugar commented. "I'm surprised Finn agreed to date you. He doesn't like bossy girls. That's why I'm never bossy. Mother says to be the boss _after_ you have the ring."

Rachel's mouth dropped open in surprise for a second before she recovered. "Is that right?"

Sugar nodded seriously. "Once Fifi and I are married, I'll make him move to the house Daddy is going to buy us. I _refuse_ to live in squalor in Queens."

"I live in Queens," Rachel shot back. "It's hardly squalor."

Sugar shuddered. "How awful. How many times have you been held up at gunpoint?"

"Never! It's not like I live in Bushwick, Brooklyn!" Rachel cried. "I live in Astoria, actually."

"So you endanger Fifi's life by making him visit you in Astoria?" Sugar screeched. "Is Carole aware of this?"

"Is Carole aware of what?" Finn interrupted as he came down the stairs, Kurt just behind him.

"The fact that you're spending time in Astoria," Sugar replied. "That's like the crime capital of Queens."

"It is _not_!" Rachel defended, wondering if Sugar was friends with Julia. "It's a lovely neighborhood!"

"They have _apartment buildings_," Sugar retorted with a shudder. "That means it's dangerous."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Rachel cried. "My building has a doorman."

Sugar grabbed Finn's arm. "Oh my God, Fifi. They come with bouncers."

"God, Sugar. Stop being such a damn snob," Finn commanded, freeing his arm from her clutches and sitting down next to Rachel. "There's nothing wrong with apartment buildings or Queens. Astoria happens to be awesome."

"It has a wonderful beer garden. Finn took me there for our first date," Rachel added smugly. "I had the vegetarian Palacinka and Finn had the Schnitzel."

He snorted a little, amused to see that she really _had_ perused the menu to see what they'd eaten on their fake first date.

"A beer garden? That's _hardly_ a five star restaurant. I hope you checked the silverware." Sugar shuddered. "Are they even in Zagat's?"

"Five star restaurant or not, it was the best first date I've ever had," Finn retorted, wrapping an arm around Rachel, who promptly snuggled into him with a kiss.

"I highly doubt it beats our date," Sugar replied. She looked at Rachel smugly. "Finn was my escort at my Débutante Ball."

"Only because my mom made me," he muttered just loud enough for Rachel to hear.

"You should have seen her dress, Rachel," Kurt enthused, settling on the love seat next to Seamus, who'd long since lost interest and was back to watching the soccer game. "It was amazing, even with the footprints from Finn stepping on it while they danced."

"How nice," Rachel commented smoothly. "But I'd hardly say that qualifies as a date."

"Of course it was a date," Sugar responded airily. "Besides, it's a known fact that Debs almost always marry their escorts."

"Is that right?" Rachel asked calmly, purposely stroking Finn's stomach under his shirt as she leaned on his shoulder. Finn played his part perfectly by softly stroking her own thigh and she smiled at the movement.

"Clearly, you weren't a Deb," Sugar decided, watching Rachel's hand move under his shirt. "You would have known that."

"I don't think balls were too popular in Ohio," Rachel replied, her hand moving to stroke his upper thigh at the junction of his torso and thigh.

"You're from Ohio?" Sugar wrinkled her nose. "Ew."

"Sugar doesn't travel to states that have low rates of celebrity sightings," Finn added with an eye roll. "Can we actually do something instead of listening to Sugar? Mom wants us to go shovel in like an hour so I'd like to do something fun before then."

"Why don't we play a game or two?" Rory suggested, holding up a small white ball. "What do you say, Finn?"

Finn grinned, understanding immediately, while Rachel stared in confusion next to him. He stood up, pulling Rachel with him. "I'm in. You in, Rach?"

"Yes, Rachel, you can be on Rory's team," Sugar bossed, standing up also. "I'm with Fifi, of course."

"i don't think so," Finn retorted. "Not gonna happen."

"I'm _always_ your partner, Fifi," Sugar insisted.

"No, _Puck's_ always my partner," Finn pointed out. "I was only your partner the one time you played because I lost at rock paper scissors."

"That reminds me." Sugar held out her hand to Rachel. "One hundred dollars."

"Excuse me?" Rachel's face was a mask of confusion. "I'm not even sure of what we're playing."

"She doesn't have to pay, Sugar," Finn cut in. He smiled down at Rachel. "And we're playing Beer Pong."

"And I have to pay?" Rachel asked worriedly.

"It costs three hundred dollars to play your first time," Sugar explained with a roll of her eyes. "A hundred to each of the other players. You understand. Standard Beer Pong rules."

"Huh?" She stared up at Finn in confusion.

"Don't worry about it," he murmured, slipping an arm around her waist. He leaned down to whisper in her ear. "The hundred bucks was Puck's idea. It costs Sugar $250 to play Flip Cups by the way."

She giggled, noticing how irritated Sugar looked at Finn's hand placement. Deliberately, she turned, raising her arms to wrap around Finn's neck and glancing at Sugar with a smirk. Her fingers tangled in Finn's hair as she stared up at him, her eyes wide. "I don't have a hundred dollars but maybe I can pay my entrance fee in kisses?"

"I think we can work out an arrangement," he mused, his eyes twinkling.

"Good." She leaned up, placing her lips against his and pulling his head closer as the kissing commenced. Rachel smiled as she pulled away, biting her lip. "Can I play now?"

"Nope. That kiss was only worth about fifty dollars," he decided.

"Oh. Well in that case..." She leaned up again, kissing him sweetly a few times, until Finn suddenly pulled away.

"What the hell?" he cried, rubbing his head where the plastic ball that someone had thrown at him had hit. "Who hit me?"

"No one wants to see you maul a Broadway star like that," Jesse replied, settling on a stool next to the table. "It had to be done."

"I assure you I wasn't being mauled by Finn, Jesse," Rachel huffed, not entirely opposed to the idea.

"That'll be later tonight," Finn added, pleased to see Sugar's eyes narrow at the implication.

"Are we going to play or not?" Rory cut in impatiently, holding up a stack of red Solo cups.

"Yeah. Me and Rach versus you and Sugar," Finn replied, grabbing a few cups off the stack Rory was holding.

"I've never played Beer Pong before," Rachel said doubtfully, watching Finn and Rory set up the cups on their respective sides of the ping pong table nearby.

"Funny." He glanced up at her, a cup in his hand. "Wait. You're serious? What did you learn in college?"

"I was busy playing the lead in the plays!" she huffed, ignoring Sugar making an L against her forehead and mouthing _loser_ to Rory.

"Still. Didn't you ever go to a party?"

She shifted uncomfortably. "Of course I did! The theater department's wine and cheese cast parties were legendary!"

"I've heard those wine and cheese parties can get out of control," he agreed. His tone was serious, but his twinkling eyes gave him away. "Bet the cops were always coming to break them up. Frat parties must've seemed pretty lame in comparison."

"I didn't have time to go to Frat parties!" she retorted, not about to admit she'd never been invited to one. "I was-"

He pulled her in for a hug. "I know. You were busy playing the lead. But look, it's easy. You just throw the ping pong ball and hope it lands in a cup of beer."

"That's it?"

"That's it," he replied, arranging the red solo cups on his side of the table into a pyramid.

"What happens if I miss?" she asked suspiciously, watching him pour beer into each cup.

"Nothing. It's what happens when you get it in that's fun," he answered, grinning up at her. "Every time we get it in Rory's cups, either he or Sugar has to drink."

"Wait, so if they get it in our cups, we drink?" she asked, her eyes narrowing.

"Yup. But don't worry, they both suck at this game."

Rachel smiled nervously, gripping his dress shirt as he finished pouring. "I don't think I'm going to be good at this game."

He straightened up, putting his hands on her shoulders and shaking them lightly. "Relax, Rach. You'll be fine. But if you want, I'll drink for you."

She worried her lip. "Are you sure? I don't want you to get drunk."

"I think I'll be ok," he teased. "I told you, they suck."

"Are you guys ready?" Rory called over, bouncing the ball on the table.

"Yeah, you guys can go first," Finn replied, stepping back from the table and pulling Rachel with him.

Rory nodded, lining up his shot, only to have it ripped out of his hand by Sugar.

"Ladies first," she announced. "Move over, Irish."

Jess snorted from his stool. "You letting Finn go first?"

Finn glared at Jesse before turning to Sugar. "Shoot the ball, Sugar."

Sugar lined up her shot and let go, the ball sailing through the air and missing the cups completely. "Clearly, you set the cups up wrong, Finn."

"Yeah, no." He caught the ball easily, turning to Rachel. "You want to go first?"

She nodded negatively, gripping his elbow. "I want to see how it's done first. You go."

Again, a snort came from the stool. "You'd be better off youtubing how to play, Rachel."

Ignoring Jesse, Finn prepared his shot and tossed it, the ball landing easily in one of the cups. Grinning, he turned to a clapping and smiling Rachel. "And that's how it's done."

"Very impressive." She stopped her clapping and pulled his face down to hers for a celebratory kiss, letting him pick her up for a second.

Rory promptly removed the ball and grabbed the beer, handing it to Sugar to drink. "Here."

"I'm not drinking that," Sugar cried. "You do it."

"Absolutely not. You said ladies first," Rory insisted, holding the cup out.

"He's right, you did," Finn added with a smirk. "Drink up."

Sugar narrowed her eyes at him. "This better be imported beer."

"Just shut up and drink." Finn caught the ball Rory threw back while Sugar chugged her glass. "I got it in, so it's your turn, Rach."

Rachel took the ball doubtfully. "I just throw it?"

"Pretty much." He stood behind her, moving her arm in an arcing motion. "Just do it like I did."

"The only problem with that advice is that Finn clearly got a lucky shot," Jesse called over from his stool as Rachel prepared to throw the ball. "I've seen him play Rachel. He usually sucks."

Her arm poised in the air, Rachel glared at Jesse. She released the ball erratically, watching as it sailed off at an angle and bypassed the cups, smacking Jesse in the forehead instead.

"Oh!" Rachel cried, feigning innocence as Jesse rubbed his forehead. "I'm _so_ sorry! The ball was a little slimy, it must have slipped."

Barely resisting the urge to laugh, Finn grabbed a new ball out of the packaging, handing it to Rachel with a kiss. "Try again, babe."

"She doesn't get to go again!" Sugar screeched. "She bounced it off Jesse! That's a miss!"

"Rachel can go again," Finn said firmly. "She's never played before."

"But-"

"No. She's going," Finn insisted. "Remember how we had to let you shoot twice the first few times you played?"

Sugar glowered. "Only after I paid another hundred dollars! She hasn't paid at all!"

"That's not true! My kisses happen to be an accepted form of currency," Rachel retorted. She pulled Finn down to her level, placing another kiss on his lips, her tongue easily sliding in for a moment before she pulled away. "There. I'm paid up, right Finn?"

"I'd say she paid in French money, eh Finn?" Rory quipped.

"Totally." He grinned at Rachel. "You ready? Do it again, only better."

She nodded firmly, launching the ball in the air only to have it hit the table. Biting her lip, she glanced up at Finn. "I missed."

He laughed at her pout, pulling her into a hug. "It's ok."

Not bothering to leave his arms, she rested her head against his chest as Rory lined up a shot, easily sinking it into the cup at the head of the pyramid.

Finn untangled himself for a moment, plucking the ball out with one hand and chugging the beer while using the other to keep Rachel securely tucked against him. He placed the cup off to the side, his hand returning to wrap around Rachel. "Nice shot, Rory."

"Watch this, Fifi," Sugar bossed. She tossed the ball, actually managing to get the ball in a cup after it bounced off the rim of another. "Ha! _She_ didn't get it in."

"Lucky shot," Finn replied, grabbing the cup and downing the beer.

"Hey!" Sugar screeched. "It's her turn to drink! If she doesn't, it's double the cost!"

"She doesn't have to drin-" Finn began, only to be cut off by Rachel pulling his head down to press her lips to his own. Her arms moved to wrap around his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair as she kissed him frantically.

Rachel pulled away after a minute, smiling coyly at the dazed look on his face. "What? She said I needed to pay double."

"Yeah...uh, yeah." He accepted the ball Rachel was holding out. Still slightly dazed from that kiss, he launched the ball, completely missing the pyramid of cups on Rory and Sugar's side of the table.

Jesse snickered. "I told you he sucked, Rachel."

"He doesn't suck, Jesse." She frowned as she watched Rory sink a shot into a cup. As promised, Finn plucked the cup off the table, easily emptying the cup and tossing the ball back to Rory. "I don't appreciate you heckling him."

"Don't worry, Rach. He's still bitter because last time we played Beer Pong, Aunt Bernadette beat him," Finn replied, snickering as he watched Sugar throw the ball.

"That ball was weighted and you know it," Jesse retorted calmly as the ball sailed into the cup. "It refused to bounce."

"Ha! Two in a row!" Sugar cried. "How many have you gotten in, Rachel?"

Rachel glared at Sugar, taking the cup Finn had just picked up out of his hand. She stared at it for a second before tipping her head back and swallowing the beer inside, her face distorting in disgust as the beer hit her taste buds.

"Rachel! I told you I'd drink them. You didn't have to," Finn insisted, staring at her as she finished the beer and placed the cup back on the table, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

She shrugged, wrapping her arms around him. "We're a team. It's only fair I drink my share of the beer."

He grinned. "You're pretty awesome, you know that?"

"I know." She smiled up at him, lips puckering for a kiss, which Finn quickly granted. She eyed Sugar watching them out of the corner of her eye. "Mmm. Maybe we should do a kiss every time the ball goes in."

"I like how you think," he murmured, giving her another kiss. "But I'll keep drinking the beer for you. I could tell you didn't like it."

"Enough. You two gonna make out or play?" Rory demanded. He turned to Sugar hopefully. "Unless you want to kiss when the ball goes in too?"

"Ew." She held up a hand. "I don't kiss foreigners."

"That's not true. You made out with that Canadian guy during Spring Break," Finn pointed out. He looked down at Rachel. "She made it onto _MTV Spring Break_. They were dancing and fell in the pool."

"I didn't fall in, I was pushed by that whore in the knockoff Prada bikini," Sugar corrected, ignoring Rachel's laughing. "Besides, Canadians don't count as foreigners. They're practically us, but not."

"Whatever. Can we just play?" Finn questioned, lining up his shot and kissing Rachel when it went in. The kissing rule was soon amended to a kiss for each cup missed, since as she'd predicted, Rachel was truly awful at the game.

Despite Jesse's constant heckling, Finn managed to play spectacularly, easily overcoming the obstacle of having Rachel on his team and singlehandedly taking out Rory and Sugar. His satisfaction was made even better since Rory kept making Sugar drink the beer, resulting in her getting less annoying and more tipsy.

"That's game," he announced as he sunk the last ball and accepted his kiss from Rachel. "Drink up."

Sugar glared as she drank the last beer. "This is why I should be on your team, Fifi. Rory sucks."

_"Boys! Time to shovel!"_

Finn sighed as his mother's words floated down the stairs. "Damn. I was hoping she'd forget."

"How are you going to shovel in dress shoes?" Rachel asked worriedly. "I don't want you to get frostbite and die."

He laughed, pulling her close. "I have the boots I wore here. I'll wear those."

"Oh ok." She smiled up at him, slipping her hand into his as he led her towards the stairs, the rest of the group following.

"It's about time boys," Carole admonished, already holding out Finn's jacket. "Go change your shoes and get out there so it'll be less you have to shovel once it stops."

"And change your pants too," Kurt reminded him. "That suit cost more than one of your video game machines."

"Yeah, yeah," Finn muttered, already heading upstairs, Rory and Seamus close behind him.

"I'm serious! You ruin _another_ expensive suit and I will kill you," Kurt retorted, climbing the stairs behind Jesse.

"Rachel, Sugar, why don't you girls join us?" Carole offered kindly. "We're baking some cookies for the boys."

Rachel's eyes lit up. "I love to bake!"

"Carole, I think you've forgotten that Daddy got Cook so that I never have to step foot in the kitchen," Sugar announced. "I'm going to take a long bath."

"Bernadette left some of her granddaughter's clothes on the bed for you," Carole called out to her retreating figure, placing an arm around Rachel and leading her into the kitchen.

"Rachel! You're just in time." Bernadette smiled, gesturing to the dough resting on the large kitchen island. "I made this for Finn yesterday but didn't get a chance to actually bake. Sugar cookies are his favorite, you know."

Rachel smiled. "Are they? He didn't tell me."

"Here Rachel," Carole offered, holding out an apron. "I don't want you ruining that dress."

"Even if it's the wrong shade of purple?" Rachel quipped, tying the apron on and sitting at the island.

"Sugar's..." Carole trailed off, trying to find the words to describe her.

"Something else?" Rachel guessed as she spread some flour on the counter. She grabbed a chunk of dough and a rolling pin, rolling the dough out with a practiced ease.

"She's got a good heart," Carole replied, rolling out her own dough. "She and Finn have known each other since they were babies. She's only three months younger than him."

Bernadette laughed. "And she's been after him just as long."

Carole smiled. "My poor Finn."

"Well I can't really blame her," Rachel replied, checking the thickness of her dough. "Finn's just too adorable with that smile and those eyes. Not to mention that firm little bu..."

Embarrassed at what she'd almost admitted to his _mom_, she blushed and focused on choosing a cookie cutter. Deciding that Finn would like snowflake cookies, she grabbed the cutter and started working it in the dough, ignoring the knowing glances Carole and Bernadette were exchanging.

"Sounds like the boys are heading out," Carole announced as a change of topic, turning her head at the noise coming from the hall. "So Rachel, why don't you tell us more about Broadway? Your parents must be so proud, having a daughter on Broadway. I know I would be."

Rachel paused her cutting to let Carole's words sink in, her mouth hanging open slightly. Carole not only seemed genuinely interested in her career, she was _proud_. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course." Carole reached for the mitten cookie cutter, Bernadette grabbing the snow hat cutter beside her.

"Did you _want_ Finn to be a personal trainer?" She stared at Carole, dying to hear the answer.

"What do you mean?" She looked up in confusion, her hands pressing her cookie cutter into the dough.

"Was that your plan for him?" she elaborated. "The career you chose for him?"

"My plan for him was to find what makes him happy," she replied in amusement. "I didn't choose his career for him. He found sports at a young age and never looked back."

"So you're happy he's just a personal trainer?" she queried. "And not, say, a doctor?"

"Are _you_ not happy he's a trainer?" Carole asked, her feathers slightly ruffled. "Because let me tell you-"

"No! I think it's great he's a trainer. He's so wonderful at it," Rachel interjected quickly, sliding her snowflakes onto a tray. "I sat in on a session when he was training a grandfather and grandson. He managed to placate a cranky old man and comfort his grandson upon the realization he had girl weights while providing a rigorous workout at the same time."

"Finn's always been a people person," Carole commented, more calm now as she resumed cutting her cookies out.

"The grandson idolized him," Rachel replied with a laugh. "He even styled his hair like Finn and took off his shirt when Finn did."

"Oh that hair. That was a losing battle from the day he was born," Carole laughed. "Remember Aunt Bernadette?"

"Who could forget? The nursery nurse was convinced he'd spent nine months stealing hair from you to make himself a toupee he had so much hair when he was born," she replied, chuckling at the memory. "Christopher kept calling him his little old man."

Rachel laughed, recognizing the name of Finn's deceased father. "I'm sure he was proud."

"He was showing Finn off to everyone in the maternity ward," Carole mused as she finished cutting her dough and carefully placed them onto a tray. "I had to send a nurse out to find them half the time."

Well that was in direct contrast to the Changs, since she knew for a fact that not only had Dr. Chang not been present in the delivery room for the birth of his son, he'd had a limited role in his initial upbringing, preferring to leave it to the nanny.

"Hey Carole! What's the name of that electrician we used last year?" Burt asked as he strolled into the kitchen. "Howard's looking for one."

"I have no idea," she replied as she slid both her tray and Rachel's into the oven. She smiled at Rachel. "Did you know Burt was Finn's first client? He's the reason he got into personal training."

"You were?" Rachel asked, thrilled they were sharing Finn stories, something Dr. Chang and Julia never did about Mike.

"Yup. After my heart attack, the boys each took care of different things. Kurt took strict control of my diet and Finn decided to help me with my physical therapy. He spent many hours lifting weights with me in the garage." He shook his head. "Between the two of them, I couldn't have another heart attack if I wanted to. I felt like I had three wives."

Rachel smiled. "He worries like that. He always text me to make sure I got home ok if he doesn't bring me home himself."

"Well I'd certainly hope so. I brought him up to..." Carole trailed off, staring out the window next to her. "Uh oh. You better get out there to supervise, Burt. I just saw a snowball fly past the window which means either Jesse or Kurt is very unhappy right now."

Burt sighed. "I didn't hear a scream so my money's on Jesse."

"Just get out there," Carole warned. "Before you have to dig one of them out of a snow bank again."

"Again?" Rachel ventured. "Do I want to know?"

"Finn and Noah thought it would be funny to scare Kurt by burying Rory up to his neck," Carole explained. "All you saw was his head. Kurt nearly fell off the deck in shock when he came out and saw it."

Rachel laughed, able to picture that far too easily. "They must've been trouble when they were young and doing stuff like that."

"Young? That was last year." Burt shook his head and opened the kitchen door to yell to the boys. "Hey! Quit throwing snowballs and get to work!" He turned back to the room, his hand still on the open door. "There. That shou-"

He got no further as a snowball hit him on the back of the head, making Rachel giggle. He immediately turned around and grabbed some snow off the ground, quickly making a snowball and taking aim. "_Finn_! I know that was you!"

"Bet you're glad we sent him to football camp all those summers," Carole quipped as Burt slammed the door shut to avoid the snowball coming his way. The snowball hit the glass, leaving an explosion of white in its path.

"He better watch a weight doesn't get dropped on his foot at my next training session," Burt muttered.

"He still works with you?" Rachel asked in surprise. "He didn't tell me that."

"Every Tuesday at 10," Burt replied as he pulled on his coat. "Although for the past month or so, Sam's been working with me a lot since Finn's had last minute stuff come up."

Rachel nodded, assuming last minute stuff meant Cornelius or the Bitch. "He's very busy."

"Yeah, busy throwing snowballs," Burt muttered as a scream was heard outside. "I'd say Kurt just got hit in the face based on that scream."

"Just get out there." Carole pushed him towards the door, waiting until he was outside before she turned around. "Honestly. I give him five minutes before he's throwing snowballs."

Rachel giggled, spotting a snowball flying past the window. "I think you lose."

"My boys are so mature." She rolled her eyes sitting back down at the island as she smiled at Rachel. "Yet another thing to be proud of them for."

Rachel gave a small smile back. Carole had spoken the words in a teasing manner, but she had the feeling that deep down inside, she was proud of the fact that the snowball fight currently going on in the swirling snow outside just showed how close knit her family was.

She mulled over this idea in the back of her mind as she made her icing, enjoying being regaled by tales of a young Finn from both Carole and Bernadette, plus Carole's sister Cheryl once she joined them. The four of them set to work set to work decorating the cookies and making hot chocolate as the storm raged outside and she found herself an equal in the family dynamic, able to share some stories about Finn. Carole, Bernadette and Cheryl seemed genuinely interested in Rachel separate from Finn and Rachel and they were soon well acquainted with the various members of the Berry family. Part of her wished her parents were in Sleepy Hollow with her because she just knew they'd fit in perfectly with Finn's family.

The thought made her warm all over.

* * *

><p>"Are we done? I'm cold," Kurt whined, leaning against his shovel. "Plus, I think my eyebrows are frozen and that just won't look good on me."<p>

"Shut up and shovel, Kurt," Finn snapped, tossing a shovelful of snow at him. "If you'd actually shovel, you'd get warm."

"I'm just saying, if the snow hasn't let up, why are out here?" he asked with a glare.

"Because if we can clear the driveway now, it'll be less we have to do later and we'll be able to just use the snowblower," he replied. "Now shovel or I'll make you go shovel the end of the driveway with Jesse."

"God no." Kurt gingerly lifted some snow with shovel. "I just want to be warm, not be force fed stories of Vocal Adrenaline glory."

"You think I wouldn't rather be inside?" He glanced at the brightly lit kitchen window next to him, jealous of Rachel getting to stay inside. Rachel herself was framed in the window, laughing at something and he found himself edging closer to the window.

Fascinated, he watched Rachel tuck a lock of hair behind her ear as she listened to whatever his mother said before she turned her attention to the cookie she was decorating. He stared, noticing how determinedly she was concentrating as her hands moved fluidly over the cookie. Satisfied at whatever she'd done, she looked up again, proudly showing his mom. He could tell his mom was totally impressed, since she leaned over and gave Rachel a hug. Rachel, he noticed seemed almost embarrassed by the hug at first, but quickly hugged her back. He smiled at the sight, thrilled to see his mom and Rachel getting along so well.

"Hey! You tell me to shut up and shovel and you stop?" Kurt whined, snapping him out of his reverie.

"Huh?" He could tell Rachel was embarrassed at something by the way she was biting her lip and he stared, wondering what his mom had just said to make her feel that way.

"God, could you be any more lovesick?" Kurt snapped, glancing between Finn and the window. "For whatever reason, she's totally into you. You don't have worry, she's not going anywhere."

Finn shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, giving Kurt a half smile.

If only that was true.

* * *

><p>"Good news, Rach," Finn called out as he entered the bedroom.<p>

"Let me guess. You _didn't_ eat all my cookies and found some more?" she asked as she rummaged through her suitcase.

"Funny. I can't help it if your cookies were so awesome I had to eat them all." He came to a stop beside her. "You want to hear my good news or not?"

"What is it?" She stood up triumphantly, pleased she'd remembered to pack makeup remover just in case she messed up her makeup and had to do it again.

"Aunt Bernie found these for us." He held up two toothbrushes with a grin. "She found a whole pack actually. So I grabbed these. I call green."

"And here I thought you'd want the purple one." She plucked it from his hand as she walked into the bathroom and shut the door, only to open it a second later. "Where is it?"

"Where's what?" he questioned, busy turning on the TV.

"Where's my shirt?" she demanded, her hands on her hips. "It was hanging on the back of the bathroom door when we left for the party and now it's gone."

"_My_ shirt is safely hidden away," he replied calmly. "Sugar came looking to borrow it before, you know."

"I need _my_ shirt," she insisted. "What am I supposed to sleep in?"

"Nothing?"

Her eyes narrowed. "I bet you'd like that, you ass peeker."

He shook his head. "No guy would turn down the chance to see you naked."

She blushed. "While I doubt that's true, were I to sleep naked, I'd freeze."

He shrugged teasingly as he unbuttoned his dress shirt. "Not my problem."

She stamped her foot. "Finn!"

He stamped his own foot back as he took off his dress shirt. "Rachel!"

"You leave me no choice." She waited until he'd thrown his shirt on the bed before she lunged for him, attempting to pull off the t-shirt he wore underneath. "I'll take this shirt then."

"Hey!" he cried with a laugh, holding the shirt down as she yanked on it.

"I need that shirt!" She pulled on it a little, frowning when he held it tighter against his body.

"No way!" He laughed harder, pulling it up and over his chest, holding the shirt out of her reach above her head. "Wait. Do you mean this shirt?"

"Very funny." She jumped on him, attempting to climb him to reach the shirt. Finn, surprised by her movement, fell back on the bed, taking Rachel with him. She scurried up his body, reaching for the shirt, annoyed when Finn simply stretched his arm over his head on the bed. "_Finn_!"

"What?" He held her close, staring up at her as she stretched and tried to reach the shirt. Waiting until she was just about to grab it, he rolled them over, laughing as she squealed in surprise. He stared down at her as she smiled up at him, brushing a random lock of hair off her face.

Still staring at him, she plucked the shirt from his fingers. "I got your shirt."

"Yeah. Yeah you do." Her eyes were kind of hypnotizing him and he brushed that same lock of hair off her forehead. The hand not holding the shirt comes up to rest against his cheek, rubbing gently.

"So...it'll be kind of hard to change if you're on top of me," she commented, rubbing her fingers across his cheek.

"Oh, um, right." He climbed off her, standing and pulling Rachel off the bed. She smiled at him, squeezing his hand once before she slipped off into the bathroom.

He took a deep breath as he unbuckled his pants and pulled them off, tossing them onto the chair nearby and pulling his iPad out of his bag. Clad in just his boxers, he flopped onto the bed, trying not to be jealous of his shirt. Figuring he'd work through his queue of waiting games, he opened the Words with Friends App, hoping he could make a word worth more than seven points and actually stand a chance of beating his mom, Kurt or Aunt Bernadette.

"Crap," he muttered when he saw Aunt Bernadette's move and consequent score. He frowned, staring so intently at his letters that he failed to notice the bathroom door open.

"What are you doing?" she asked as she stepped out of the bathroom in his shirt.

"Nothing." He stretched out on the bed on his stomach, propped up on his elbows and legs crossed in the air at the ankles as he stared at his iPad.

"What's so interesting?" She made her way over to the bed. "Oh! Words with Friends!"

"Yeah, Aunt Bernie just slammed me with a 54 point word," he replied. "I can only come up with three letter words."

"I can help." She climbed onto the bed, but rather than lay next to him, she straddled his upper back, her arms wrapping around his shoulders and sliding down his bare chest as she rested her chin in his hair.

"That's right, you did score 70 points with queer," he teased, the fact that she was softly stroking his chest as she stared at the screen not lost on him.

"It was 75 points and it was quelled," she corrected, studying his letter rack. "You have really good letters. You could make a high point word."

"Like what? Can?" he asked doubtfully, well aware of her chin resting on the top of his head. "That's not gonna get me points."

"It's all about where you place it," Rachel explained, picking her head up slightly to lean forward as she pointed and unknowingly pressing her body against his. "She just played _guava_ and the last A is right on the end of the board, leaving you free to use that triple word and triple letter, so even if you played _can_, you'd get big points. Personally, I'd use the Z or the B you have and make sure I put them on the triple letter spot."

"I could put bra," Finn suggested, moving the letters.

"But it doesn't give you the triple letter." She placed her chin back his top of his head, discreetly inhaling the minty smell of his shampoo. "Try and use that too, especially since the Z is 10 points."

"Oh." He frowned, studying the board intently, Rachel doing the same above him.

_"Finn? Rachel?"_

Their concentration was broken by the sight of Carole in the open doorway. Not removing her chin from Finn's head, Rachel smiled at the older woman. "What can we do for you?"

"I just wanted to make sure you two are ok in here," she replied, smiling at the position she found the two of them in. "You have enough blankets?"

"Yeah, we're good," Finn replied, not bothering to look up from his iPad.

Rachel smiled again, her hand running along his chest as she looked at Carole. "Thank you for offering, but we're fine."

Carole nodded. "In that case I'll say goodnight."

"Night Mom," Finn called out, his fingers busy moving tiles around.

Rachel gave a small wave as Carole exited and closed the door behind her, her attention focused on the board.

"Check this out," Finn announced, moving the Z onto the triple letter spot and adding the E from his letter rack. "I turned bra into zebra. Let's see how much it's worth."

Rachel watched him submit the word, squealing in delight when the words _fhudson05 played zebra for 111 points_ flashed across the screen. "111 points! Finn!"

"Holy shit!" he cried, shocked at the words on the screen.

Her arms wrapped around his neck as she moved her face next to his, pressing her cheek to his in excitement. "Finn! I'm so proud!"

He grinned goofily, well aware of the kisses she was now placing on his cheek. "It's nothing. You really did it."

She paused her kissing. "I did no such thing. You thought of the word, not me."

He flipped over underneath her so that she was now straddling his stomach. His hands automatically moved to her thighs, rubbing them softly as he stared at her. "But I'd never had gotten that many points without you."

She smiled down at him, her hands resting on his pecs. "Why do you think you wouldn't have come up with anything like that on your own?"

"Because I never have." He stared up at her, his hands rubbing a little firmer. "I'm not good at stuff like you are."

"Well that's not true." Her hands pressed against his pecs firmly as she shifted a little, getting more comfortable atop him. "Look how well you taught me to play Beer Pong."

"You didn't get a single one in," he pointed out, acutely aware of where she was sitting on him.

"But look how well I knew the rules," she insisted. "I was able to call foul on Sugar when she tried to put her hand over the cup."

"That just means you listened." He stared up at her, watching her bite her lip as she stared down at him.

"No, it means that you explained it in such a way that it I was able to easily follow and learn." She leaned forward, placing her hands on either side of his head. "You're very good at that. I imagine that's quite beneficial to a personal trainer."

Embarrassed at her praise, he stared up at her, letting her fingers travel through his hair. "Stop."

"I'm serious." Her hands twisted locks of his hair. "You're very talented."

"I'm not."

"You are," she insisted. "Look how Cornelius idolizes you. He certainly didn't like me."

He laughed, his hands moving a little higher up her thighs. "Well you did use his stuff and make him see the Star of Iceland."

"It's the Star of _India_ and I_ thought_ it would be an enlightening cultural experience for him as well as for you," she huffed, tugging on his hair a little. "Clearly I was wrong since you both whined about it."

"It's a rock," he retorted. "The dinosaurs were much cooler."

"Regardless, you two didn't need to roar like a T-Rex until we stopped looking at it," she insisted, tugging again as she lowered her head to touch her forehead against his. "Even if you did look adorable roaring."

"I knew you were checking me out," he murmured, his hands venturing even higher under the shirt, feeling the lacy edge of fabric as he rubbed his hands on her upper thigh. Idly, he stared up at her, noting that she now had regular underwear on again.

"I don't know why you always think I'm checking you out," she replied, her hands now running through his hair as she lifted her head a little to stare at him.

"Because you are. I've caught you several times." His hands squeezed her thighs as he waited for her reaction.

"I have not been checking you out," she retorted, her head still close to his own. "You just happen to be in my line of vision a lot."

"Mmmhmm. Guess you like looking at lovely things," he mused. His hand stilled against her thigh, fingers resting against her lace covered ass as his eyes fixated on her lips.

"I don't like you right now," she murmured, her hands continuing to toy with his hair.

"That's not true. You know you like me." His hands resumed moving, tracing the edge of her panties as he stroked her ass lightly.

"I like your phone," she decided. "But that's about it."

"You know you like more than that," he teased, stroking a little firmer.

She pretended to think about it for a minute. "Well, I do like your mom and..._Finn_!"

He used their close proximity to advantage, flipping them so that she was pinned against the bed. He caged her with his arms, grinning down at her. "Admit it."

"No," she replied, giggling as she wrapped her arms around his neck and bent her leg at the knee, letting it rest against his boxer clad thighs.

"You know you want to," he murmured into her ear, reaching between them to brush against her stomach.

"I don't." She bit her lip to stop from squealing as she pushed his hand away.

"You do."

"If I was checking you out, I assure you you'd know," she retorted, staring up at him.

"Oh really. How would I know?"

"You'd know." She pushed him, making him roll off her, settling on her side and propping her head on his elbow once he was off her. She smiled as he mimicked her position, propped up on his elbow as he faced her. "For instance, I'd probably want to see how firm your chest is, so I'd find a way to run my hand along it, like this."

His eyes locked onto hers, feeling her fingers trail slowly down his chest. "I see."

"And of course, if we were at a table, I'd probably try to run my leg up yours under the table." She slowly picked up her leg, running it up his a few times before placing it back down but replaced it back on top of his a second later. "I might even leave it there as a reminder for your hand."

"Oh." His hand reached down and grasped her thigh, pulling it up to rest against his waist, his fingers grazing her ass.

"And if I was _really_ interested, I'd do this." She pushed herself a little closer.

One finger was suddenly running along his stomach, just barely above the waistband of his boxers and he stared into the brown eyes watching him, that same finger going back and forth now dipping just slightly _under_ his waistband. The simple movement is starting a chain reaction in his boxers, but at the moment he could care less if Rachel notices since she's still stroking his stomach and staring at him, her face inches from his and getting closer.

**_I'm a Bitch/I'm a lover/I'm a Child/I'm a mother..._**

The dreaded ringtone sliced through the air, breaking the reverie. Finn's hand snapped off her ass as he stared at her. "Yeah, um. Right. I'm just going to answer that."

She nodded, reaching over to the nightstand and handing him the phone but made no move to remove her leg from his.

He stared at her as he put the phone up to his ear. "Hello?"

_"Cornelius just broke his toboggan trying it on the stairs. Go get another one."_

"I can't. I'm..._shit_." He sighed as he hung up the phone, wishing just once she wasn't so rude.

"She can't possibly want you to go somewhere _now_," Rachel commented.

"Guess again." He sighed for a second time, wondering what stores would be open now.

"Let me guess. She's out of Hot Chocolate?" she asked sarcastically.

"Nope. Cornelius broke his toboggan trying to sled down the stairs," Finn replied, his brow furrowed. "He must've taken the turn wrong. I _told_ him he needed to swing farther left."

"You _encouraged_ this?" she demanded. "He could fall down the steps or break something!"

"Highly unlikely. Kurt never did and he's a worse steerer than Cornelius," Finn answered. "You think CVS is open?"

"Kurt did this too? I find it hard to believe."

"Well..." he hedged. "He didn't exactly want to as much as he was forced to."

"You _forced_ him?" she cried. "Why?"

"Well how else were we going to know if it was safe?" he defended. "He was our crash dummy."

She shook her head. "Boys are so stupid."

"Seriously, you think CVS is open?"

"You are _not_ going to CVS now," she insisted. "It's still snowing heavy and even if you did get the toboggan, there's no way you could get back to the city to give it to him."

"True." He flopped back on the bed, trying to think of what to do. "I'm so screwed."

"You need to call her and explain-" Rachel began.

"No!" he cried, sitting up. "She can't know!"

"Well I don't see how you're going to avoid her knowing," Rachel replied, sitting up also.

"I'll call Cornelius," he decided, already dialing. "Maybe I can convince him to wait."

"Hold the phone away from your ear in case his foot comes through it," Rachel muttered, making him laugh.

"Hey, Lil'C, it's Finn." He listened a moment to whatever was being said. "I _told_ you not to hug the bannister. A curved staircase like that, you gotta swing towards the wall. Did it snap in half?...Seriously? You took out the photos?...Well that's the thing. Stair sledding requires a certain toboggan and you don't have it. You sled was just a regular one. You need the one that can go from stairs to snow, like mine...I could go get you one, but the one I have isn't sold in stores, you gotta order it...You could have the lame plastic one now or we can order the awesome one I have that'll totally take out half the kids on the hill."

He held his breath, hoping his plan worked. Evidently, it did since he gave Rachel a thumbs up.

"I'll order it now and when I get back from Sleepy Hollow, we'll go to that hill I told you about, the one where my brother took out the Hot Chocolate vendor when he lost control of his sled...Yeah, it's my aunt's birthday, so I'm stuck up here till the snow stops...Yup, she's here too...Oh, hold on."

Rachel stared in surprise as he held out the phone to her. "What?"

"He wants to speak to Donkey."

"I will not answer to that and you know it." She glared at him, crossing her arms.

"He said it, not me." He pressed the phone into her hand. "Come on, just do it. For me?"

"Fine," she grumbled, holding the phone up to her ear. "Hello?"

_"Sing the Fairly Oddparents song, Donkey."_

"The what?" she replied. "I don't know that one."

_"Finn does, he watches it all the time. Ask him."_

"Oh really." She smirked, holding her hand over the phone. "I'm supposed to ask you about the _Fairly Oddparents_ theme song. I understand you're a big fan?"

He blushed. "I may have seen an episode or two."

"Uh huh," she teased. "I've had a request for the theme song."

"Oh." He played with his iPad for a moment before holding it out to Rachel. "Here."

She glared at him, quickly reading the lyrics off the iPad. "Ready Cornelius?"

"_Go_."

She took a deep breath. "_Timmy is an average kid/that no one understands._.." Her face scarlet, she sang the rest of the song, hoping he didn't have any other requests. "There. That ok?"

_"Yeah...Donkey?"_

"Hmm?" she asked, busy watching Finn resume his Words with Friends game.

_"You can come if you want. Sledding. With me and Finn."_

"I can?" she asked, stunned as Finn looked up at her words. "You're letting me come with you and Finn?"

_"Yeah. You can't be too gross for a girl, if Finn likes you. Are you going to come?"_

She smiled at Finn smiling at her. "I wouldn't miss it."

_"You can't use mine and Finn's sled. Don't think you can."_

He hung up without further notice, making Rachel shake her head as the call disconnected. "_That's_ the Cornelius I know."

"Huh?" He plucked the phone out of her hand, placing it back on the night table.

"Get this." She sat up on her knees excitedly. "I, a _girl_, have just been informed that not only am I not too gross for a girl thanks to your endorsement, I've been invited to go sledding with the two of you, although I'm not allowed to use your sled."

"Awesome." He grinned, holding up his hand for a high five. "You're in."

She slapped his hand but chose to weave her fingers through his, leaning in to hug him. "I really can't believe it."

"I guess he realized how awesome you are," he replied as she climbed into his lap. "Obviously not as awesome as me since you can't use his sled, but still."

"I can't use his sled because I don't have a penis," she corrected. "A fact I'm generally grateful for, except when I need to pee and can't find a bathroom."

He laughed. "That right?"

She nodded. "I've always been jealous of that feature."

"It is pretty awesome." He reached for his iPad. "Let's order the King's sled before I get another phone call."

Giggling, Rachel watched from the comfort of his lap as he did a search. "What kind are you going to get?"

"The most expensive one I can find, just to stick it to her." He quickly located a large wooden toboggan that could easily hold three or four people, not even flinching at the two hundred and thirty dollar price tag. "This one looks good."

"I like it," Rachel replied, looking enviously at the price tag and already picturing her and Finn sledding down the hill on it, his arm around her waist like it was now. "How are you going to pay for it though?"

"Her card's on file with Amazon, so I just have to click it." He grinned. "Let's get one of those metal discs too. I wanna see if I can send Cornelius down the hill like Chevy Chase in _Christmas Vacation._"

She laughed. "Sounds good."

"There. All ordered." He put the iPad down, patting her thighs. "Let's get ready for bed."

She nodded, yawning a little as she climbed off his lap and slipped under the covers, surprised when he didn't do the same. "What are you doing?"

"Getting ready for bed," he replied as he grabbed the extra blankets and spread them on the floor. "I'll sleep on the floor."

"But you'll be so uncomfortable!" she insisted. "The bed has plenty of room. What if someone comes in? They think we're in a sexual relationship, remember?"

"But we're not, so I'll sleep on the floor." He shrugged, grabbing a pillow off the bed and taking his cell phone from next to hers on the night table, tossing it onto his blankets. "I'll lock the door, so if someone wants to come in, they'll have to knock, which'll give me plenty of time to get in bed with you."

"Are you sure?" she asked doubtfully. "We can trade off."

"Positive. And we're not trading off," he said firmly, walking over to the bathroom and closing the door behind him. He emerged a few minutes later, making sure to lock the bedroom door before turning off the light.

She cuddled down into the pillows, smiling as she heard Finn stumble through the darkness and curse when he walked into something. She could hear him settling down into his pile of blankets and reached for her phone, quickly typing out a message.

**_I had a really good time at the party._**

A low beep was heard in the darkness and she stilled, smiling when she saw the glow of a cell phone screen coming from the floor. Her own phone beeped a second later and she eagerly opened the message.

**_You were a big hit._**

She smiled at the words, thrilled that she'd made such a good impression. Fingers flying, she typed a response.

**_I really like your family._**

Again, the glow from the screen emanated from the floor for a second before her inbox suddenly had a new message.

**_Yeah, I think I'll keep them._**

Forget him, _she_ wanted to keep them. Everyone was so welcoming and wonderful and they'd only met her a few hours ago. She'd never even met Mike's extended family, with the exception of his Uncle Paul who'd said hello and then ignored her the rest of the night.

**_Your mom is very proud of you. _**

She mulled over that as she waited for his response. The look Carole had sported while talking about Finn and the way she'd risen to his defense when she'd mistakenly thought Rachel was unhappy with his chosen career made it pretty obvious how she felt about her son and try as she might, she really couldn't picture Julia doing that (although she supposed that might have something to do with the botox Julia had recently gotten).

**_I don't know why, I haven't really done anything._**

She raised her eyebrows in the dark at that. Quickly, she sent her response back.

**_That's not true. You've been a good son, graduated college and have held down a steady job. She has plenty to be proud of._**

His response came back just as quick.

**_Not really. She did all that too. Well minus being a good son._**

She giggled at that last part, but the overall message made her frown.

**_You just need to believe in yourself more. You didn't think you'd ever get 111 points in Words with Friends and you did._**

Again, she frowned when she saw how quickly the glow coming from the floor disappeared, knowing it meant his message was short.

**_I guess._**

She bit her lip, determined to lighten the mood. Grinning at the tidbit of information that had just popped into her head, she typed it out quickly.

**_So I hear you got beat up with a Barbie Corvette. GI Joe couldn't save you?_**

The sound of his soft indignation floated up from the floor and she grinned, knowing that his eyebrows were raised as he typed furiously.

**_I did NOT get beat up. It was simply a miscommunication. _**

She giggled again as she typed.

**_Hmmm. Most miscommunications don't end in ER visits and broken noses._**

There. Her text sent, she watched the room glow with his screen light, a smile on her face as she waited to see what his response was.

**_You've obviously never been to a club with Puck then._**

She rolled her eyes, able to picture Noah being escorted out in handcuffs all too easily.

**_Thank God for that. I'd imagine Noah would be trouble in a club. Too bad he wasn't around when you got beat up by a seven year old with a Barbie Corvette._**

Grinning maniacally, she snuggled back into the pillow, her phone in her hand as she awaited what was sure to be a smartass response.

**_It was a miscommunication! GI Joe just wanted to take it for a test ride. Barbie didn't have to call the police and have him arrested for stealing. I tried to explain on his behalf and she whacked me with the car._**

She laughed outright at that, imagining the scene in her head as Finn's staunch declaration that it wasn't that funny came floating up from the floor. Still laughing silently, she typed her answer.

**_Good thing you weren't fighting over the Dream House. One wing of that would have knocked you out. Who knew playing Barbies with you was so dangerous?_**

She turned her face into her pillow, trying not to let Finn hear the giggles escaping from her mouth. Once Finn's response came back a minute later, she clapped her hand over her mouth as she read, still unable to stop her laughter.

**_I WASN'T playing Barbies. And just so you know, Barbie's servants lived in the Dream House. Barbie lived in the Magical Mansion since it was bigger and more expensive. GI Joe wasn't allowed in the Magical Mansion since he refused to take off his boots._**

Jealous at the fact that Sugar had both the Dream House _and_ the Magical Mansion and unable to stop the eye roll, she typed a response.

**_Seriously? She had servants?_**

She reread his previous message as she waited, holding the pillow to her face to muffle her laughter.

**_Skipper, the Barbie with the brown hair and the Ken with the painted on hair, since Sugar's Barbie would only date Kens with the real hair._**

Her eyes rolled again. Her own Ken doll had had painted on hair and her Barbies had all found him incredibly desirable, frequently fighting to sing duets with him. She pursed her lips to keep from laughing as she typed.

**_For someone who wasn't playing Barbies, you sure know a lot about them._**

She smirked, waiting to see what his response was to that.

**_Shut up. I used to have to go there after school until my mom got home. Besides, you're one to talk. Were you or were you not the one who got into a fight with a parrot?_**

Her eyes narrowed at that, the snickering coming from the floor not helping.

**_That was a creative difference. Percival clearly needed to be educated on what parts suit his voice best._**

That should shut him up. Satisfied, she rested the phone on her chest to await his answer.

**_I just remember foot stamping and a lot of squawking. Plus whatever Percival was doing._**

She gasped, grabbing a throw pillow and silently sliding over to the far side of the bed to bring the pillow down on a still laughing Finn's head. Satisfied at the feel of the pillow making contact with his head, she settled back in her original spot just as her phone showed a new message.

**_Hey! No fair ambushing in the dark! Just for that, I'm keeping that pillow._**

Her response was swift and to the point.

**_Be glad it wasn't a Barbie Corvette._**

The thought made her laugh and she buried her face in her pillow again as the laughter bubbled out of her.

_**I can hear you. I'm glad you find that so hysterical. **_

Unable to stop her laughter, she typed her response.

_**I do. Consider it payback for all the cracks about the Lima Ledger incident.**_

Her text sent, she wiped the tears from her eyes and attempted to muffle her laughter with the pillow again.

_**I'm not texting you anymore then.**_

She snorted at that, rapidly sending off her text.

_**Fine. I'm not texting you either.**_

The room remained dark and unlit by the glow of phone screens for about five minutes. Rachel was just about to turn over when she saw the glow coming from the floor and smirked, holding her phone tightly as she awaited his text.

**_You know, you can still text me if you want to._**

She smiled, sending back a simple text.

**_I want to._**

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: I was giggling away under the covers at these texts so hopefully you were too. And Rachel's Bushwick comment just makes me laugh since Kurt and Rachel on the show would be walking targets if they really lived there._**

**_Don't forget to check out mida212fanpage . tumblr . com to see pics for the story. Lil'C's exercise equipment was just posted as well as pictures for other stories. :)_**

**_For my fan in dance class in Michigan: I promise not to update while you're in dance class. :)_**


	14. A Dream is A Wish Your Heart Makes

_**Disclaimer: Glee is not mine.**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>"It's kinda like, when you're at McDonald's and you can't decide if you want the Big Mac or the McNuggets. So you agonize over this pressing decision, but when they tell you they're out of Big Macs, by the time you're chomping down the McNuggets, you're not even thinking about it anymore. You're just enjoying those McNuggets." <strong>_

_**- Dawson's Creek**_

* * *

><p>"Heads up!"<p>

Rachel looked up from her snowman just in time to see a snowball come flying her way. She ducked instinctively, but fortunately Finn came flying out of nowhere, taking the snowball for her. Shocked, she watched as Finn hit the ground in front of her, the explosion of snow looking like a badge on his chest. "You saved me. That was very chivalrous of you."

He grinned up at her from the ground. "Yeah well, Rory can't hit you with snowballs. Only I can."

"You wouldn't dare hit me with a snowball," she replied, turning her attention back to the microphone she was molding out of snow for her snowman.

"Yeah? You think I wouldn't?" he teased, holding out his hands. "Help me up?"

"I know you woul..._Finn_!" she squealed as he used her outstretched hands to pull her down into the snow on top of him. "Finn!"

"Yes?" he questioned innocently, mashing some snow into her hair as she squealed again.

"You're such a jerk!" She grabbed some snow and shoved it down his jacket. "There."

"Oh it's on." Laughing, he shoved snow down her own coat, making sure to get it under her shirt.

"_Finn_! That's cold!" Despite her declaration, she grabbed more snow and rubbed it into a laughing Finn's face, squealing in surprise when he did the same to her. They stared at each other for a second before an all out war ensued, snow flying through the air along with peals of laughter.

She'd just rubbed a particularly large snowball into his hair when she paused. Suddenly fascinated, she stared down at his snow covered face for a second, brushing the snow off his eyebrows. Her hands moved to cup his face as she leaned down and kissed him, softly at first but immediately increasing in firmness once she felt his hands move to cup her ass. She kissed him hungrily, her tongue in his mouth and thoroughly enjoying the way his hands were kneading her ass. Still kissing, he rolled them over, completely flattening the baby snowman she'd created to complete her snow scene of the Von Trapps performing at the Salzburg Music Festival.

"Finn," she murmured between kisses and gropes, her hands working their way under his jacket but unable to feel anything due to her gloves. "Finn. Let's go inside."

"Ok." He stood up, Rachel in his arms as he headed towards the house. She immediately resumed kissing him, her hands pulling off his hat and dropping it in the snow so she could bury her fingers in his hair as she kissed him.

Her tongue had just reentered his mouth when she opened her eyes and took in her surroundings. "Wait. Where are we going?"

"House too far away," he murmured between kisses. "The party tent closer."

"Oh ok." She resumed kissing, the fact that his logic made no sense since the tent was attached to the house escaping her notice.

He stumbled into the tent, blindly walking as they kissed frantically. A pole was soon in their path and they used it to their advantage, Finn propping Rachel up against it as she threw her gloves off to unzip his coat and push it off of him. Freed of his coat, he shook off his own gloves, his lips finding her neck as he rapidly unbuttoned her coat.

"_Oooh_," she moaned as she felt him bite her neck, his hands shoving her coat off and throwing it on the ground. Her hands fisted his sweater and pulled it, missing the feel of him when he separated from her neck to remove it from his body. Satisfied but not satisfied at the same time, she ran her hands under the t-shirt he was still wearing, her fingers running wild over his taut skin while he resumed his kissing, this time on the junction of her neck and shoulder. "Oooh. _Finn_."

He grinned at the sound of his name, his hands fondling her ass as he continued walking with her in his arms, her legs locked around his waist as they kissed. A table soon blocked his path but he once again used it to his advantage, setting Rachel down on it as they kissed. She fisted his t-shirt, sliding it up his body and watching as he immediately removed it, toeing off her boots at the same time.

She waited until his shirt had hit the ground and he was focused back on her before she reached down and pulled off her own sweater, revealing the sexy black lace bra underneath. Staring at him, she took his hands and ran them up her body, holding them against her breasts as he leaned forward to let his lips find hers. She moaned into his mouth as she moved their hands in a circular motion against her bra covered breasts, showing him exactly what she wanted. "_Oooh_. So good."

He swallowed her moans, pushing her back on the table and kissing her chest all over, one hand leaving her breasts to reach between them and pop the button of her jeans. His lips trailed kisses in the valley between her breasts, ghosting over the flat plane of her stomach as his tongue dipped and swirled around her belly button. The hand still on her breast joined the one at her hips, sliding under the material of her jeans to pull her body to him.

Rachel took over breast fondling, her hands slipping under the lace of the bra to pull her breasts out as she moaned, picking her head up to watch him kiss all over her stomach while his hands unzipped her jeans and pulled them off, tossing them to the ground. "_Baby_..."

"So fucking _hot_," he murmured, tearing his eyes from her barely there G-string just in time to see her suck on her finger and trace her nipple as she stared at him. "Do that again."

Her eyes focused on him as she sucked her finger and trailed it from her mouth to her breast, circling her nipple once before she kept going down her body, the finger disappearing under the lace of her G-string. "_Oooh_," she whimpered, one hand playing with her breast while the other moved under the lace. "Finn _baby_..."

"You are _insanely_ hot." His gaze stayed locked on hers as he watched her touch herself, soft sounds of pleasure escaping her body.

She sat up, her bra still under her breasts as she pulled his face back to hers. She mewled as he kissed his way down to her breasts and captured a pert bud in his mouth, her hands reaching between them and undoing his jeans, pushing them down his legs as far as she could until she felt him take over and kick off his boots to step out of his pants. Her hand immediately cupped him through his boxers, loving the aroused state she found him in. Now pantsless, he jerked a little at her touch, bucking against her hand as he returned his mouth to her breasts, sucking and fondling.

"Fuck, baby, that feels _damn_ good," he groaned against her left breast, bucking his hips again at her touch. He swirled his tongue around her nipple once before she pulled his head off her chest, her lips finding his hungrily. She pulled away with a nibble of his bottom lip, shaking her hair off her shoulders as she looked up at him.

Her eyes locked on his as she pulled him out of his boxers, the tip of her finger swirling around the head of his erection, gathering the moisture there. Still staring at his eyes darkened with desire, she brought her finger up to her mouth, sucking his moisture off her finger like a lollipop. "_Mmm_."

Her other hand reached for his erection, dragging it along her wet core once as she moaned. Satisfied that it was sufficiently coated in her essence she released him, running her finger up his length and circling his tip, cleaning her wetness off of him. Her left hand still playing with her breast, she held the wet finger up to his mouth, pressing the finger against his lips and slipping it inside when he parted them.

"_Oooh_," she moaned as she threw her head back, her free hand fondling herself rapidly once she felt him start to suck her finger clean with his tongue. "Finn, baby, _so _good."

"I knew you were kinky," he murmured as he released her finger. His hands wrapped around her as he kissed her collarbone, holding her against his erection and making her moan louder at the sensation.

"_So_ kinky," she agreed as she moved against his erection, pressing her breasts against his chest as she ground against him, moaning in pleasure once his hands kneaded her ass. She threw her head back as he kissed down to her breasts, tugging on a nipple with his teeth. "Oooh, _Finn_. Again, baby."

"Fuck Rachel, you're so hot," he murmured, releasing her breast as she settled back on her palms. He kissed his way over to her neglected breast, swirling his tongue around her nipple before he claimed it with his teeth, earning another cry of pleasure from Rachel.

She moaned loudly, bringing her hands up to move his lips to hers. Her tongue slipped into his mouth easily, exploring the crevices of his mouth as she cupped his face and kissed him feverishly. Wanting to feel for herself the ass she'd spied in the bathroom but unwilling to stop kissing, she slipped her hands under his boxers while her tongue explored, letting her hands roam to confirm her suspicions about how firm his ass actually was. Not satisfied at just the feel, she pulled her hands out of his boxers, pushing his chest a little as she reclaimed her tongue. Eyes smoldering, she slid off the table, circling behind him and pressing her chest against his back as she stroked him from behind a few times.

"Uuuuh," he groaned, losing coherence as she stroked him faster. "_Fuck."_

She released him, her hands moving to hook the waistband of his boxers, lips pressing kisses against his back as she slid them down. Her lips moved lower as the boxers did, biting the firm skin of his ass just as the boxers hit the ground. She dragged her tongue along the bite, soothing the red area as her hands ran up his legs to frame his ass.

Needing to check that both ass cheeks were the same level of firmness, she lifted her head and turned her attention to the unbitten one, issuing a matching bite mark. Her tongue darted out to soothe his skin as her hands snaked in front of him, stroking him firmly and playing with his testicles while her tongue ran wild, soothing the redness on his ass.

"Oh _fuck_," he groaned out, gripping the table for support as he followed the movement of her hands stroking him. "That feels so fucking _good_."

She placed a final kiss on his ass before she stood, turning him around to stare up at him as she stroked him firmly. "How good?"

"Amazing, fucking amazing," he replied, leaning down to kiss her hungrily while he walked her backwards onto the dance floor, his hands fondling her breasts as hers reached behind and gripped his ass, her nails digging in as she held him close.

"No more foreplay," she announced between kisses, guiding his hands to push her G-string down as they walked. "I want you and I want you _now_."

He mumbled something incoherent against her lips, stopping them in the middle of the dance floor to help the G-string removal by kissing his way down her body to pull the delicate lace down with his teeth as he kneeled.

"Baby, no more foreplay," she whined as she stepped out of her wet panties, his lips now placing kisses along her extreme inner thigh. She pulled his head off her thigh, pushing his face against her core. "I'm _so_ ready for you," she moaned as she felt him lick her once. "See?"

He nodded against her skin, his tongue managing to lick her once more before she pulled him off of her and pushed him into a sitting position. He stared up at her as he straightened his legs, her bra still resting under stiff breasts and her hands on her hips, waiting to see what she did next. "Babe, you look so fucking _sexy_."

She stood over him, staring at his naked form, his erection ready and waiting for her. Moaning at the thought, she knelt down over his legs, leaning forward to kiss him as she positioned herself over him, teasing by dragging her core along his tip lightly a few times. She pulled her lips from his as she pushed him, waiting until he was flat on his back before she impaled herself on him. She stilled once he was fully buried inside her, allowing herself to adjust. "Ooooh, _fuck_ that feels good."

She leaned forward, letting her hands cage his face as she kissed him once more, his hands cupping her ass as she began to move slowly, chest pressing against chest. She gave him a lingering kiss, sucking on his bottom lip as she pulled away and sat up, her hands trailing down his chest to rest on his pecs.

"You're so tight, babe," he murmured, allowing her to pull his hands off her waist and bring them to her breasts, moving them in circles to match the movement of her hips. "Oh, _fuck._"

"Oh, _God_," she moaned, moving their hands against her breasts faster as she swiveled her hips down against his groin. Her hands left his to continue massaging her as she buried her hands in her hair, making a messy pile on her head before she let it fall through the air. "Oh, fuck _yes_."

He grunted and moved his hands to grip her hips as she slowed her movements down, her hips moving as if she had a hula hoop on them instead of his hands. One hand moved from her hip to lower her face to his, giving her a scorching kiss. They both moaned through the kiss, her leaning forward creating new sensations for both of them. Her tongue slipped easily into his mouth, exploring even as she continued to move. He groaned as she sat back up, suddenly changing her slow circular movements for some rapid up and down thrusts.

"Oh, fuck _me_!" she cried, her breasts bouncing as she moved. "Oh, _God!"_

"You feel fucking amazing," he groaned, his eyes rolling into his head as she again slowed it down. She leaned forward, her breasts pressing against his chest as she gripped his face and roughly kissed him once before she sat back up, her hands behind her on his thighs as she moved restlessly back and forth above him, rubbing herself against his abdomen.

"_More_ baby, I need _more_," she panted as she moved, crying out when she felt him thrust up into her and hit the right spot. "_Oh_! Baby _there_!"

He obliged, watching her breasts bounce as he repeated his action and making her scream louder above him. "_Rachel_!" he cried out as she ground down on him forcefully just as he thrust up. "_Shit_!"

"_Finn_! Fuck _yes_!" she cried, her hands moving to grip her breasts as she alternated back to moving faster again. She played with her breasts as she moved above him, trying to alleviate the tightness she was feeling down south. "_Fuck_," she whined as she shifted a little, the buildup in her stomach intensifying at the new angle. "Touch me, baby. I need _more_."

Not needing to be told twice, his hands flew to her breasts, pushing her own hands aside to begin fondling her. "Better?"

"No baby no," she whimpered, covering his hands with her own and moving them much more roughly against her breasts than he had. She kept whimpering as their hands moved, waiting until she was sure he had the rough movement down before she removed hers. "Oh _fuck_! Fuck baby, don't stop!"

"Feel good?" he grunted, watching her eyes close as she buried her hands in her hair. The slow rocking of her hips was driving him insane and he thrust up into her forcefully, hoping she might want that a little rougher too.

"_Oh_!" Her eyes flew open at his movement and she ground herself down against him just as rough as he'd done to her. "Oh _Finn_! _Yes_ baby! Oh, fuck _me_!"

"Fuck, Rachel!" he cried out, repeating his movement as she did the same, both at a significantly faster clip.

"Oh _God_!" she screamed as she moved above him feverishly, the tightness building to the point where she almost felt like she was going to snap in half. She pulled his hands off her breasts, guiding the right one to the spot where they connected, while the left attached to her hip, helping her control her increasingly erratic movements. Her eyes rolled into her head as she felt his right hand start rubbing her, making her even more tightly wound. "Finn, baby! _There! _Oh yes, baby, fuck_ yes!"_

His movements were bringing her to the edge and she screamed loudly, her hands flying up to her breasts and gripping them as the tightness snapped and the orgasm began to rock her body, strong and powerful. "I'm...oh _fuck_!"

Her toes curled as the orgasm flowed wave after wave through her body. Unable to do anything else, she clenched her eyes tightly shut, her head thrashing from side to side as she held tightly onto her breasts. "Oh God! _Finn_!"

"Rachel!" Finn called out, sounding seemingly far away as her orgasm finally began to subside, his hands gripping her forearms. "_Rachel_!"

She shuddered as the last of the orgasm finally left her body, leaving her feeling spent but incredibly relaxed. "God that was _amazing," _she murmured, not bothering to open her eyes as she released her breasts, shaking her arms free from Finn's grip and stretching. She grabbed his hands, placing them on her breasts with hers, helping him massage them like he'd done earlier. "Mmm. Feels _so_ good. I think I need to go again."

"Rachel."

His hands stilled under hers and she frowned, urging his hands to move. "Baby, I need your hands."

"I know but-"

"So start moving," she commanded, moving his hand with hers and still not opening her eyes. She smiled as she felt their hands massaging her. "Mmm. That's better. So _good_, baby."

"Rach-"

"Like this, Finn," she murmured as she moved their hands, ignoring the weird tone his voice had. "I'm _so_ in the mood."

"Rachel-"

His hands once again stilled under hers and she frowned, her eyes fluttering open as she moved their hands again. "Baby, why-"

She paused as her eyes focused and reality set in, holding their hands to her breasts. Finn was there as expected, but he was the only thing that was. Instead of a dance floor, she was in her bed, staring up at Finn in confusion. "What...what?"

"You were having a dream," he explained with a smirk. "A sex dream. About me."

"I was not," she insisted, ignoring the fact that the panties she was wearing were soaked. She pulled his hands off her chest, her face scarlet as she sat up and covered her breasts with her hands, desperately trying to untangle the blankets to cover herself. This proved to be impossible with one hand, since the blankets were wedged under Finn's body. "Can you get up?"

"You don't need to cover yourself. I've now seen your ass _and_ you boobs," he teased. "Which by the way are awesome. So what position did we do?"

"I _wasn't_ having a sex dream!" she cried, forgoing modesty to tug on the blanket with both hands, since as he'd pointed out, he'd already seen her breasts and apparently a whole lot more. "And if I did, it wouldn't be about _you_."

"Tell that to your soaked underwear," he commented cheekily, nodding to the large wet spot on her grey panties. She blushed deeper, shifting her legs to try and cover it. "I guess those little white flowers on there got stuck in a rainstorm."

"It wasn't a sex dream!"

"Right." He smirked, his eyes on her breasts. "Because you always scream 'Oh _Finn_! _Yes_ baby! Oh, fuck _me_! when you dream about the grocery store."

"I frequently curse when the store is out of my hummus," she retorted, giving up on the blanket. "That must be what you think you heard."

"Liar. That wasn't a _fuck they don't have my hummus_ curse. That was a _I'm about to have a mind-blowing orgasm from the fantastic sex I'm having and I want everybody to know it_ curse."

"It was _not_!" she cried, mortified that he'd nailed it.

"You can deny it all you want, but we both know you had a sex dream." He grinned. "And as for it not being about me, you know any other guys named Finn?"

"As a matter of fact I do," she huffed, reaching over to the night stand for a hair tie.

He arched an eyebrow, watching her gather her hair into a ponytail. "Oh really? I've never heard you mention him. He wasn't in your list of friends and family."

"I'm sure I've mentioned Finn, Finn," she lied, her hands busy above her head tying the hair tie in place. "You clearly weren't listening."

He shook his head. "I think I'd remember. Finn's not a common name. It's a cool name, but not a common one."

"Obviously it's more common than you think since Finn's also Finn, Finn," she retorted. "You're not the only Finn to be Finn, Finn."

He stared, trying to figure out her tongue twister. "Really."

She nodded firmly. "He happens to be a good friend of mine."

"Is that right? What's the last name of the Finn who's got you orgasming in your sleep?" He smirked. "Does it start with an H and end with an N?"

"You couldn't be more wrong. His name is Finn...Rodriguez. Finn Rodriguez," she improvised. "So there."

"Finn Rodriguez." He stared, trying not to laugh. "And where did you meet this other Finn who's such a good friend that you've never mentioned him?"

"I didn't tell you everything about me," she retorted. "A lady has secrets."

"Actually you _did_ tell me everything," he pointed out. "The binder, remember?"

She opened her mouth and shut it, temporarily lacking a retort.

"I thought so." He smiled smugly. "So where'd you meet Fake Finn?"

"We-"

He held up a hand. "Let me guess. You met him when you both reached for the same Barbra CD."

Her eyes narrowed at his mocking. "As a matter of fact, we met through a mutual friend."

"Well if he's such a good friend, maybe you should call him, let him know where you are," he commented innocently, his eyes roaming over her breasts again as he wondered if he'd got to do more than just touch them in her dream. "I'd hate to think he was worried about you. You know, since you're so close."

"Maybe I will."

"Don't let me stop you." He grabbed the phone off the nightstand. "Here."

"You're a jerk, you know that?" she asked, ignoring the phone he was offering.

"Hey, don't get mad at me," he teased. "Or next time I won't make you orgasm as hard."

"It _wasn't_ about you!" she cried in frustration. "Why are you even up? And where's my shirt?"

"You mean the shirt I got hit in the face with as you moaned and thrashed about on the bed?" he questioned with a grin. "Kind of hard to sleep when a girl's screaming my name in a bed."

"Too bad it wasn't about you," she retorted.

"You know it was," he insisted. "You know it and I know it. Even Finn Rodriguez knows it."

"I don't think Finn would like you assuming things for him, Finn," she replied. "Especially since they aren't true."

"You keep thinking that." He grinned, stretching on the bed next to her, his hands behind his head.

She glared at him. "You realize you now owe me an ass _and_ a penis?"

"I owe you nothing." He smirked. "It's not my fault that you keep showing me your fun parts."

She stood up on her knees, her hand on her hip. "You peeked and you know it."

"It's not peeking if it's right in front of you," he replied, eyes on her chest. "I mean, you're topless right now in front of me."

"Exactly why you owe me a penis." She walked over to him on her knees, enjoying the way he was watching avidly. Her hands moved to his shoulders as she lifted her leg over his lap to straddle him. "I'm waiting."

"Are you now?" He moved his hands to her waist, resting them just above her panties, thumbs caressing her skin.

"I am." She placed her hands on his face. "So take it out."

"Nope." He grinned at her. "I have to say, this side of you was left out of your file. I like it."

"And what does that mean?" she demanded, moving her hands to his pecs and running them up his chest to cup his neck.

"Well I'm just saying. The fact that you're a practically a nudist and like to send photoshopped dirty pictures was left out of your personality profile," he replied, his hands moving to her ass.

"A nudist walks around completely naked. As I'm currently only topless and you've never seen my vagina, I clearly am not a nudist. As for sending dirty pictures, I've done no such thing. You're obviously thinking of Noah, who sent a picture of two hippos humping to my phone the other day," she replied sternly.

"Really. I must be confusing you with some girl who sent me a photoshopped picture of herself with a box of condoms," he answered cheekily.

She poked his chest. "That was me and that picture was in no way photoshopped. Nor could it be considered a dirty picture, since I used my product placement pose and not my seductress pose."

"You have different poses prepared?" He pursed his lips in amusement. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Of course I have different poses. I need to be prepared for when I'm asked to endorse makeup or something," she explained seriously, her thumbs moving softly over his jaw.

"Naturally," he quipped.

"Watch." She grabbed the cell phone he'd thrown on the bed earlier and scooted off the bed. She pasted a bright smile on her face, placing her weight on her leg as she held up the phone near her head. "See?"

"Uh yeah," he replied, more than ready to buy a cell phone off of her. "Yeah, I see."

She smiled, putting the phone down on the night table. "Now watch. Seductress is totally different. Actually, you might be able to help me. I have three seductress poses and I can never decide which is the best. Pose number one."

She turned sideways, her left arm coming up to rest against her breast while her right rested near her ear as she turned her head to look at him, a sultry look on her face for a moment before she spoke. "What do you think?"

"Hot. You look hot," he stammered, reaching for the pillow next to him to cover himself.

She beamed, climbing onto the bed. "Pose number two. Now this has two options."

He watched, clutching the pillow as she lay flat on her back, fanning her hair out before she rested her hands above her head and stared at him, that same sultry look on her face.

"This way or..." She turned onto her side, propping her head up on her elbow. "...this way. Which of the two do you like?"

"The back. On your back," he managed to choke out.

"Ok, pose number three." She rose up on her knees, staring at him as she piled her hair on her head, burying her hands in it. "Well?"

"Hot. Seriously hot," he sputtered. The image of her on her knees posing so sexily in nothing but her panties had him rock hard and he held the pillow tighter, hoping she didn't notice.

"But which one was the sexiest?" she pressed, nudging his legs apart so she could sit between them, positioning her legs on either side of his waist as she leaned back, resting her hands on his outstretched legs. "I'm assuming you were turned on since you grabbed that pillow, but which pose made you the hardest?"

"The knees. On your knees," he stammered, not even bothering to deny he was incredibly aroused.

She beamed. "That's my favorite too. I _knew_ studying those _Sports Illustrated_ Swimsuit magazines would pay off. Santana said it was stupid, but it clearly wasn't."

"No, not stupid." The sight of her with her legs spread like that and topless was _not _helping his situation, only serving to make it more painful. He reached a hand under the pillow trying to adjust himself without her noticing.

Unfortunately, she did, her eyes immediately moving down to the pillow. "I guess you need to get rid of that?"

He nodded, closing his eyes in embarrassment as he leaned his head against the headboard.

"In that case, I'm going to go wash out my clothes for tomorrow," she decided, climbing off the bed. She grabbed her cell phone and knelt down to rummage through her suitcase. "Fortunately, I always travel with a little bottle of detergent."

He watched as she grabbed what she needed and stood up, a devilish look on her face as she took a few steps backwards.

"Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"Proof my product endorsement pictures are real and not photoshopped." She tossed a box at him.

He grinned as he caught it, examining the box of condoms. "I see."

"Told you I'd buy them," she called over her shoulder as she walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind her. The façade she'd put on for Finn evaporated with the click of the door and her hand flew to her mouth while the other held her clothes to her chest. She leaned against the bathroom door, trying to gather her thoughts.

She'd had a _sex dream. _

About _Finn._

Not only that, she'd given herself the strongest orgasm she'd ever had. The fact that dream sex with Finn was wilder and more passionate than real sex with Mike wasn't lost on her and she closed her eyes, dropping the little bottle of detergent on the floor and placing a hand against her still soaked panties. She leaned her head back against the door for a moment, rubbing herself softly as she relived the dream.

The clothes she was holding fell unnoticed to the floor as she thought of the way his hands had felt on her body. Unable to help herself, she squeezed a breast with one hand, fingers tugging at her nipple. She moaned softly at the feeling, the hand on her panties moving to her other breast.

She could hear groaning coming from the bedroom and the thought that she'd done that to Finn made her rub herself a little firmer. Her head rolled back from the combination of his moans and the feeling of her hands. She gave an extra firm tug when she heard a soft '_fuck_' come from the bedroom, the cell phone still in her hand slipping out and hitting the ground. The sound snapped her out of her reverie immediately and she bent down gathering her things while trying to calm herself.

Holding her phone to her still bare chest, she grabbed Finn's dress shirt off the hook on the wall, slipping it on but not bothering to button it. She dialed Santana's number, filling both sinks with warm water as she waited for her to answer.

_"You better have a damn good reason for calling so early."_

"Hello to you too, Santana," Rachel replied as she slipped off her panties. "And I do have a good reason for calling."

_"Hold up. You had an orgasm recently."_

"I...yes...no...how do you know?" she stammered.

_"My Spanish Third Eye is never wrong. Plus, your voice is way too relaxed and happy which means you had a damn powerful one recently. Brava, Rachel. You're finally taking my advice and trying to get some."_

"I didn't sleep with him!" she defended, placing both pairs of her panties and bras in one sink to soak and tossing Finn's Dr. Love boxers in the other. "At least not exactly."

_"What do you mean, not exactly? You did or you didn't."_

"I dream slept with him," she admitted as she added the detergent to both sinks. "I got the orgasm from my dream."

_"You dream slept with him? What does that even mean?"_

"It means exactly what it means. We were just building snowmen in my dream and the next thing I know, I'm riding him hard on the dance floor and giving myself a real orgasm."

_"The dance floor? The Manny's bringing out your wild side. I approve."_

"It was pretty wild," she admitted freely, cradling the phone under her ear so she could scrub her lingerie. "I was cursing like a sailor."

_"You?"_

"Me," she confirmed proudly. "Ask Finn. He heard me screaming it in my sleep."

_"Damn and shit don't count, Rachel."_

"Try fuck and oh fuck me," she replied smugly. "Emphasis on the me."

_"That came out of **your** mouth?"_

"Among other things, yes." She rinsed out her lingerie, wringing out her panties as she looked around the room trying to decide where to hang them to dry.

_"Cursing doesn't make it wild."_

"No? How about the fact that I bit his ass?" She paused. "Twice."

_"You bit him? You?"_

"I did. I was pretty kinky," she added, her tone proud. "I even touched myself for him while he watched. I never even took my bra off, just pulled them out."

_"Congratulations, Rachel. Make sure you do all this when you sleep with him for real."_

"You should have seen me. I was in total control, dictating the foreplay and the actual sex," Rachel replied excitedly, too busy reliving her dream to comprehend Santana's words. "I even show him how rough I wanted him to be when it came to my breasts. I was very firm on that point."

_"So where was the real manny during this dream? I'm surprised he wasn't jerking off while he watched you."_

"Of course not. He was asleep on the floor until I woke him when I threw my shirt off." She eyed the towel rod, deciding it was a viable option for her lingerie.

_"He's seen your breasts? Hold up. Did the real manny help the dream manny get you off?"_

"I may have placed his hands on my breasts and had him massage me," Rachel admitted, spacing her lingerie over the towel on the rod. "He'd been doing it throughout my dream, so I didn't realize it was the real him."

_"Over the shirt?"_

"No. I'd taken off my shirt by that point," she replied. She glanced down at her breasts, smiling as she remembered the feeling of his hands on them. "I was just in my panties."

_"Please tell me they weren't those awful old cotton ones or the bedazzled ones."_

"Actually, they were the ones you got me. Those v-string ones that are really low rise, so you should be happy," she retorted, turning back to the other sink. "They're so tiny they barely qualify as everyday panties."

_"You can thank me later when you sleep with him. You in nothing but those panties definitely put it at the front of his mind. Although I'm sure you covered up immediately when you woke up."_

"For your information, I didn't," she answered smugly. "He'd already seen them, so what's the point? I still haven't covered up as a matter of fact."

_"You're so going to sleep with him for real."_

"I'm not going to sleep with him!" she cried, her hands gripping Finn's wet boxers under the water. "I'm just very comfortable around him."

_"Please. It's only a matter of time before you lose the panties too. I can tell you're dying to see him naked."_

"I've already seen him naked," she admitted as she scrubbed. "Well, from behind."

_"So he walks around naked too? What is going on up there?"_

"He doesn't know I saw him naked," she hedged. "I peeked through the keyhole when he was in the shower."

_"Not bad. I would have just walked into the bathroom or gotten in the shower with him to see the goods, but baby steps."_

Rachel rolled her eyes, wringing the soap out of his boxers. "I don't appreciate you walking in to bitch about something when I'm showering so I'm not going to do it to him."

_"So don't bitch. Just get in."_

"Honestly. You have such a one track mind," she scolded, even as the image of what she'd seen through the keyhole invaded her brain.

_"My one track mind is gonna get you some."_

"I'm not going to sleep with him!"

_"You know you are."_

"I'm not." Satisfied that she'd gotten every drop of water out, she hung his boxers over the shower rod.

_"You are."_

"I can't."

_"You will."_

"You'll be happy to know that I've officially chosen a seduction pose," Rachel announced as a change of subject. "Finn agreed with me that the on the knees was the most seductive after I modeled all three for him."

_"Oh really? And how'd he show his approval? Two thumbs and a penis up?"_

"The fact that he was aroused wasn't the only deciding factor," Rachel replied coolly, her brain once again betraying her and reminding her of what she'd saw. "Clearly I was able to portray seduction successfully in the on my knees pose."

_"Well since you're going to be sleeping with him, use that as part of your foreplay. Kneel over his mouth."_

"Would you stop? It's not happening!" Rachel snapped, furious that her brain was taking Santana's side and making her picture herself kneeling over Finn.

_"It so is. What are you wearing right now?"_

"A shirt," she replied smugly, not about to admit whose it was.

_"Whose shirt?"_

"It's...that has nothing to do with anything!" she insisted.

_"It totally does. You're wearing his dress shirt right?"_

"What difference does it make?" she snapped, glancing down at her body.

_"Cotton t-shirt is cute. Dress shirt says fuck me now."_

"It does not. You're making that up," Rachel accused, her hand on her hip.

_"Ask the manny if you don't believe me. Guarantee you he's not wearing a cotton t-shirt either."_

"He's got on a pair of cute plaid boxers," she retorted. "Not that it's any of your business."

_"Plaid boxers? That's like the ultimate turn on for someone who bedazzles their underwear. Go wild, Rachel."_

"I'm hanging up on you now."

_"Happy humping."_

She rolled her eyes and hung up before Santana could offer anymore sex advice. Resigned to sleeping pantyless, she buttoned up just the middle of his shirt before she stepped back out into the bedroom. Finn was back on the floor, playing with his phone and he smiled when he saw her coming out.

"All better?" she asked, climbing back into bed.

"New pajamas?" he commented, watching her rearrange the covers over herself.

"Mmmhmm." She stretched on the bed, yawning sleepily.

"Tired?"

"Mmmm." Her eyes closed as she nodded against her pillow.

"I bet. I must've really worn you out in that sex dream," he added cheekily.

Rachel cracked open one eye, grabbing a pillow and tossing it at him. "Jerk."

He laughed, ducking the pillow coming his way. "Night, Rachel."

She didn't answer, rolling over and snuggling down into the blankets. He settled down into his own cocoon of blankets, placing his hands behind his head as he processed all that had happened since he'd been woken up in the middle of the night by a t-shirt.

_"Whoa. What the hell?" he cried, pulling the shirt that had just hit him off his face. He sat up, curious to see what was going on. Rachel had clearly kicked off the blankets, judging from the pile at the foot of the bed and he stood, intending to pull them back up on her. His paused, eyes going wide as he took in the sight in front of him._

_Rachel, clad in nothing but an incredibly tiny pair of grey panties, was writhing on the bed, moaning as she kneaded her breasts. He went instantly hard at the sight of her, automatically taking a step closer. "No more foreplay," she moaned. "I want you and I want you **now**."_

_Holy shit. She was having a sex dream._

_Her hands left her breasts as she moved restlessly, gripping the sheets and allowing him to view her boobs for the first time with no barriers. His mouth dropped open as he traced each one with his eyes, growing painfully harder by the second. He managed to tear his gaze away from them to travel down her body to the panties he'd felt earlier. He'd only gotten to the lacy edges before but now he could see the tiny straps of lace sitting on each thigh as well as the minuscule cotton triangle between her thighs, clearly soaked. "Fuck," he moaned softly, unable to resist palming himself over his boxers._

_"Baby, no more foreplay," she whined, writhing again. "I'm so ready for you, see?"_

_Able to see just how ready she was, he settled on the bed next to her, careful not to touch her. Unable to stop himself, he lay on his side, pulling himself out of his boxers and stroking himself slowly, watching her rock her hips several times._

_"Oooh fuck that feels good," she moaned, stilling for a second._

_"Fuck," he groaned as he stroked himself slightly faster, running his thumb over his tip to massage himself._

_"Oh God!" she cried, her hands grasping her boobs and kneading herself in a rapidly increasing motion. "Oh fuck yes."_

_He groaned, his stroking increasing at the sight of her touching herself._

_"Oh fuck me!" she suddenly cried out, her hips moving off the bed several times, the motion making her breasts jiggle. "Oh God!"_

_Her cursing, combined with her bouncing breasts, was making him crazy and he moaned, again increasing his stroking as he watched her writhe._

_"More baby. I need more. Oh fuck. Fuck baby, don't stop!"_

_Unable to stop even if he wanted to, he stroked rapidly, feeling his release coming. "Rachel!" he cried out as he began to explode into his hand. "Shit!"_

_Panting, he rolled onto his back, tucking himself back into his boxers. While he'd obviously come, Rachel hadn't yet, judging by the writhing still going on next to him._

_"Fuck," she whined, throwing her hand on the bed next to his. "Touch me, baby. I need more."_

_His eyes widened as she grabbed his arm, placing his hand on her boob. Unsure of what to do, he moved to take his hand off of her._

_"No baby no," she whimpered, placing her hand on top of his and moving it. He could feel himself getting hard again as he massaged her, slipping his right hand back into his boxers to pull himself out again._

_"Oh!" she cried out as he continued to roughly massage her the way she'd shown him. "Oh Finn! Yes, baby! Oh fuck me!"_

_His eyes rolled into the back of his head as he massaged her and stroked himself, the fact that she'd just mentioned his name bringing him back to the edge again. "Fuck Rachel!" he cried out, shooting forcefully into his hand for a second time._

_Completely spent, his hand slipped off Rachel as she arched her back off the bed, cursing like a sailor as she neared her own release. Fascinated, he tucked himself back into his boxers and sat up, watching her face pucker._

_"I'm...oh fuck!" she screamed, grabbing her breasts as she rode out her orgasm, writhing in pleasure next to him. "Oh God! Finn!"_

_His mouth dropped open as the realization hit him that not only was she having a sex dream, she was having a sex dream about **him**. He'd been too far gone to really make the connection before, but she was clearly having a real, very powerful orgasm caused by a dream version of him. _

_Not her fiancé. **Him**. _

_Jealous of his dream self (and secretly wondering if he could get any tips), he watched the orgasm subside, carefully placing his hands around her wrists to stop her from bruising herself, she was gripping her breasts that hard. "Rachel! Rachel!"_

_"God that was amazing," she murmured, shaking her arms to free herself from his grip. He watched her sleepily stretch in this super sexy way before she reached for his hands again, this time placing both of his hands on her boobs and moving their hands together. "Mmm. Feels so good. I think I need to go again."_

_He groaned silently at the feeling of her boobs under his hands. "Rachel."_

_"Baby, I need your hands."_

_He let her move his hands again, enjoying it just as much as she was until his conscience took over again and he stopped. "I know but-"_

_"So start moving." She moved his hands again and he grinned, noticing the sexy smile on her face. "Mmm. That's better. So good, baby."_

_His stupid conscience spoke up again and he stopped, feeling guilty for taking advantage of her sleepy state. "Rach-"_

_"Like this, Finn." Her hands moved his again as he stared, wondering how awake she was since she'd just said his name again. He continued to massage her like she wanted, only pausing when she spoke again. "I'm so in the mood."_

_Whoa. He stared at her, wondering how far she was planning on taking this. "Rachel."_

The fact that he'd jerked off to her several times was something he planned on keeping to himself. Truth be told, he was still in shock that he'd starred in her dream and not her fiancé but he'd be lying if he said that there wasn't a part of him that was thrilled by that.

A big part.

* * *

><p>"Morning sleepyhead."<p>

He stretched, rubbing his face as he cracked open one eye to see Rachel smiling down at him from the bed. "Morning."

"I've been waiting for you to wake up," she chirped. "Your mom was already here for our clothes to wash, but I pretended we were still asleep and didn't answer the door."

"Oh." He stretched, yawning widely.

"I've unlocked the door in case she comes back so maybe you should get in bed with me," Rachel suggested. "I've been up for a while. I take it you're not a morning person?"

"Usually I'm ok but not when I get woken up in the middle of the night," he answered, gathering up all the blankets and pillows from the floor to toss on the bed. He grinned as he climbed in. "This how your sex dream started? Me climbing into your bed?"

"Considering you were not in my dream, no," she lied, watching him settle in bed. She leaned forward, straightening the blankets over him. "And it _wasn't_ a sex dream."

"Still telling yourself that?" He arched his brow, his head resting on his arm as he stared at her.

"I am because it's the truth." She mimicked his pose, lying down to face him.

"Uh huh. Right." He reached over, his hand resting easily on her hip and registering the fact that he couldn't feel a panty line immediately. "So you ever going to tell me what position we did?"

"It wasn't a sex dream!" she huffed, turning over to hide her face as the memory of her riding him took over her brain.

He scooted closer to her, spooning her as he wrapped his arm around her, his lips close to her ear. "Were we in a bed?"

"It's none of your business," she replied, letting him weave his fingers through hers. "But no, my not-a-sex-dream did not involve a bed."

"Kinky," he murmured into her ear. Her shirt had ridden up a little and his earlier assumption was proven correct since he could feel her bare ass pressed against him. "Was it even in a bedroom? The floor maybe?"

"I'm not telling you!"

"So you admit we got it on?" he crowed in her ear.

"That was not an admission," she retorted. "An admission would be if I said I was riding yo-"

"Whoa. You rode me?" Finn pounced, correctly taking her silence as an assent. "That's hot."

She bit her lip as she remembered just how hot it was, refusing to answer.

"So cowgirl, where'd this go down?" he pressed, the hand laced with hers resting against her chest. "You lasso me and have your way with me?"

"Right. Because I'd really have a lasso on the dance fl-" Again she bit her lip, annoyed that she'd slipped again.

"The dance floor?" His eye brows shot up. "Were we-"

_"Finn? Rachel? You two up?"_

"We're up Carole!" Rachel called out, relieved at the distraction. "Come in!"

Carole opened the door tentatively, poking her head in to see the two of them spooning in bed. "Morning baby. You sleep well?"

"Mmm. Very well. Rachel was just telling me about this awesome dream she had," Finn commented cheekily, kissing her shoulder.

"Oh really? What was it about?" Carole asked. "I never remember mine."

"I don't remember." Rachel flushed, jabbing Finn as she freed herself from his grasp and sat up, her hand on his thigh.

"It was about the Old West, wasn't it? Did you say you were a cowgirl?" he questioned, his fingers grazing her back.

Horrified, Rachel glared at Finn, who was barely able to contain his laughter. "Um...yes, yes I was."

"Maybe you were inspired by that family portrait," Carole mused.

"I don't think so. I think Rachel just really wanted to go for a ride," Finn offered, trying not to laugh. "She's been wanting to do that for a while, I think."

She pinched his thigh as a _I'm going to kill you_ gesture. "No. The horse just happened to be there. I could have ridden any horse."

"Oh. Well that's nice," Carole replied, confused as she watched her son and his girlfriend have a silent conversation on the bed. "I'm throwing clothes in the wash. You want me to add yours?"

"That would be wonderful!" Rachel cried, clapping her hands excitedly. "I already did my lingerie and Finn's boxers but I didn't have enough detergent to do my clothes."

"I see my son is still throwing his clothes around," Carole commented, grabbing his clothes off the arm chair he'd flung them on.

"Don't take my jeans Mom," Finn replied, ignoring her comment. "They're clean."

"No prob-" Her eyes fell on the box of condoms still sitting on the night stand nearby.

Rachel followed her gaze, her face going scarlet. "Those aren't opened, Carole! I just bought those to prove a point!"

"Oh I see." She averted Rachel's gaze, concentrating on folding Finn's sweater.

"Finn normally buys them," she blurted out.

"You don't need to explain, Rachel," Carole replied, looking out the window and not at the bed.

"He dared me to buy them! He didn't think I would!" She turned to Finn accusingly. "This is all your fault!"

"Rachel, where are your clothes?" Carole asked, relieved to change the topic.

"On top of my suitcase," Rachel replied, her face still scarlet as she watched Carole quickly grab the clothes off the top of her suitcase. "Thank you, Carole."

"Breakfast will be ready soon," she called over her shoulder as she hurried out of the room.

Rachel waited until the door closed behind Carole before she turned to Finn and pounced. "You are so dead!"

"Ow!" he cried, laughing as she hit him. He grabbed her hands, pulling her on top of him.

"I can't believe you did that!" she huffed, poking him in the chest. "That wasn't funny!"

"I enjoyed it." He smirked, resting his hands on her ass.

"Too bad you're such a jerk. You were much sexier and less jerky in my dream," she huffed, her fingers running through his hair.

"So you _do_ think I'm sexy."

"Dream Finn is sexy. Real Finn is a jerk who likes to humiliate me in front of his mom," she retorted.

"She's seen condoms before," he replied, his fingers rubbing over her ass. "Besides, I think she'd rather we use them than not."

"Your mom totally thinks I'm a whore," she moaned, burying her face in his neck, her arms caging his head tightly.

"She doesn't think that," he soothed, running his hand over her hair. The insistence that she did was muffled against his neck and he stroked her hair firmer. "She likes you."

"She's a mom! Moms don't like me!"

"Huh?" He paused his stroking.

"Nothing." She sat up, separating from him. "Breakfast is almost ready."

"Why would you think moms don't like you?" he pressed, sitting up also.

"Finn come on, we can't be late for breakfast," she announced, ignoring his question as she climbed out of bed and hurried off into the bathroom.

He followed, finding her already at the sink, her toothbrush moving furiously in her mouth. Silently, he grabbed his own toothbrush, still trying to figure out her comment. Deciding to drop it for now, he brushed his own teeth for a minute, spitting out into the sink before he spoke. "So tell me more about this dream. Did I get a view of boobs or ass?"

She glared at him, holding her hair back as she spit. "Does it matter? You've seen both, Peeker."

"Well either way is hot." He stared at her in the mirror, reaching for a towel and starting when he realized he'd grabbed her panties instead. "But which was it?"

"Do you think it's ok if I go down to breakfast in your shirt? Your mom took my clothes," she asked, deliberately avoiding his question as she plucked the panties from his hand. "I'll take those."

"I'd have no problem with it." He glanced down at her. "And you didn't answer my question."

"Are you going down in your boxers?" She slipped the panties on under her shirt.

"Don't try and change the subject." He leaned against the sink, his arms crossed.

"Answer my question."

"You answer mine."

"Breasts, ok?" she admitted. "Now are you going down in boxers?"

"Yup." He grinned at her, watching her run a brush through her hair. "So any other positions I should know about?"

"I'm going down to breakfast now." She glared at him as she put her brush down and walked out of the bathroom.

"Hold on." He followed, grabbing the t-shirt she'd thrown off last night and pulling it on. Smiling, he held out a hand to her. "Ready?"

"Ready." She slid her hand in his, letting him lead her down the hall to the back stairs. The noise coming from the kitchen grew louder with each step and she gripped his hand harder, semi-hiding behind him.

"Morning," Finn announced as he descended the last few steps, Rachel in tow.

Rachel peeked around Finn to see Rory, Seamus, their mother and father and Aunt Bernadette all scattered around the kitchen and with the exception of Aunt Bernadette, all dressed like her and Finn. She smiled at them, relived not to have to face Carole just yet. "Good morning."

"Morning Finn, Rachel!" Bernadette chirped. She gestured to the large kitchen island Rory and Seamus were standing at. "We made all sorts of breakfast food. Help yourself."

"Awesome." He dragged Rachel over, eyeing the stacks of pancakes heaped on a platter as he handed Rachel a plate. "Here babe."

"I'd say you're pretty hungry, eh Finn?" Rory asked knowingly, watching Finn grab a plate for himself.

"Uh yeah, yeah, I could eat," he replied, glancing at him with a confused look on his face. He smiled at Rachel busy placing fruit on her dish before he began stacking his own with pancakes and bacon.

"I bet." He smirked, exchanging glances with his brother. "I'd say Rachel's pretty hungry too."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded, busy pouring syrup over his food.

"Our room is next to yours, Finn," Rory replied with a grin. "Her screams woke us up."

Rachel gasped, her face turning scarlet. Mortified, she dropped her plate on the counter, turning to bury her face in Finn's chest.

"_Dude_!" Finn hissed, wishing he could take credit for whatever Dream Finn did as his arms wrapped around Rachel soothingly. "What's wrong with you?"

"What?" Rory asked. "It's not like Aunt Carole heard."

"Heard what?" Carole asked, grabbing a plate as she came up behind them.

"Rory farted," Finn announced quickly, snickering at Rory's expression.

"Baby, are you ever not going to find that stuff funny?" Carole shook her head, spooning some eggs onto her plate. She eyed Rachel still buried in Finn's chest. "Rachel, come eat before the boys inhale it all."

Rachel nodded, still not looking at Carole as she grabbed her plate and followed her over to the table, Rory's brother Seamus following. Finn watched her go, shoving half a pancake into his mouth before he reached over and slapped Rory on the back of the head.

"Ow!" he cried, rubbing his head. "What was that for?"

"Why'd you have to embarrass her like that?" he hissed. "She's worried enough about my mom liking her."

"But she does," Rory pointed out.

"I know that and you know that but Rachel's still worried," Finn replied, shoving another pancake into his mouth just as Kurt came up to them, still wearing a sleepy look.

"Save some for the rest of us," he grumbled, grabbing a few pancakes off the plate in front of Finn.

"That the latest in hair styles?" Finn snickered, eyeing Kurt's wild hair.

"Shut up. I don't have my hair care products," Kurt snapped. "As a result, I look like you."

"Awesome isn't it?" He ripped off another piece of pancake.

Kurt glared at him. "Can I presume that God awful smell is you and not the food?"

He raised his arm and sniffed an armpit. "Could be. I haven't showered yet."

"Finn worked up quite a sweat last night," Rory added with a smirk.

"Yes, I heard the show when I got up to use the bathroom," Kurt replied dryly.

Finn placed his head in his hands. Figures everyone heard Rachel having a mind blowing orgasm and he wasn't even part of it. "Wait. Did Sugar hear?"

"I don't think so, but she's still sleeping so I guess we wait and see," Kurt answered. "Honestly, though. At Aunt Bernadette's? You couldn't wait till you got home? I'm surprised at Rachel."

He looked at Kurt, leaning in close. "I swear, you say _anything_ to Rachel that may potentially embarrass her and I will tell _everyone_ about your choice of exercise."

Kurt narrowed his eyes. "You've got nothing."

"Yeah? You think so?" he replied.

"You're bluffing."

"You hear we got a new aerobics class at the gym, Rory?" Finn commented innocently. "It's a real _sweat _class. All _oldies_ music."

Kurt narrowed his eyes further, drumming his fingers on the table while Rory simply looked confused. "So?"

"Guess you won't be able to exercise while we're here, Kurt," Finn continued. "I doubt Aunt Bernie has shorts short enough for you."

Kurt gasped, pointing a finger at Finn. "You shush."

"I will if you will." He crossed his arms in satisfaction, mentally thanking God that Kurt had confided his love for Richard Simmons' exercise tapes to his grandmother who'd proceeded to drop off a tape for Kurt one day. He further thanked God that Kurt wasn't home that day and Jeanette had given him the tape to give to Kurt. In need of new blackmail material, he'd questioned Jeanette about the tape, his grin getting wider with every word she said. He'd left the tape in the bag Jeanette had brought it in, pretending he didn't know what was in it but mentally planning to save his knowledge of the contents until it could be useful to him.

"Deal." He glared at Finn.

"Finn! I just looked at your Words with Friends! Very impressive!" Bernadette interrupted, placing some more pancakes on the platter.

Kurt snorted. "How many points did he get? Five?"

"Try 111," Finn replied smugly. "I used the triple letter to my advantage by placing the Z on it and it was triple word. Plus, I added onto Aunt Bernie's word."

"You must've used the online dictionary," Kurt commented suspiciously. "You suck at that game."

"Yeah well, my 111 points say otherwise," Finn replied, stretching. "I think I'll go take a shower now and think of a word to nail you with."

"Better consult your Dr. Seuss dictionary. I believe it now includes four letter words," Kurt retorted as Finn stood.

Finn ignored him, heading into the dining room where Rachel was sitting with his mom and Seamus, along with his aunt and uncle. He smiled at the sight, taking in the sexy way Rachel was crossing her legs as she listened to Aunt Cheryl. His dress shirt had ridden up her thigh slightly and he watched as she subtly adjusted it while still paying rapt attention to Aunt Cheryl talk about life in Ireland.

She must've felt him staring because she turned her head, her smile wide when she saw him. "Finn!"

He grinned, making his way over to her chair and leaning down for a kiss. "Hi baby."

"Want to join us?" she asked, running her hand up the arm he had on the back of her chair as she stared up at him. "Your aunt was just telling me about living in Ireland. It sounds beautiful."

"Yeah, it's pretty awesome," he replied, grabbing a piece of toast off her plate. "You finish eating. I'm gonna go take a shower."

"Ok." She puckered her lips for another kiss, placing her hand on his cheek once he leaned down and kissed her. "Have fun."

Her eyes followed him as he left, half listening to Aunt Cheryl as she thought of what she'd seen the last time Finn had taken a shower.

"Bad news," Burt announced as he walked in a few minutes after Finn had left, Howard just behind him. "Howard and I were just in the basement. The hot water tank just went."

"Meaning what?" Seamus asked, his fork halfway to his mouth.

"Meaning you better scale back your shower. We need to conserve water," Burt explained. "You want a hot shower better take it now."

Rachel stared, concerned since Finn had just gone upstairs to take a shower. "But Finn's in the shower!"

"He'll be fine. The hot water won't run out that quick," Burt predicted. "The rest of us who haven't showered yet have to worry. Once the hot water runs out, be prepared to take ice cold showers."

Rachel gulped. While she normally washed her face in ice cold water, the thought of washing her entire body with ice cold water was less than appealing. "Ice cold?"

"Don't worry, Rachel. I can fix it," Burt replied confidently. "Just need some time."

"But if you can't? Ice cold showers?" she questioned, worried.

"Burt's very good at fixing things," Carole added. "It'll be fine."

"I'm sure Burt can fix it but maybe I should tell Finn to hurry up just in case," Rachel stressed. Not waiting for anyone to answer, she headed upstairs and into their bedroom, afraid Finn was going to use all the hot water before she could.

The bathroom door was open, allowing her to hear the REO Speedwagon Finn was belting out. Smiling at the sound, she knocked softly on the open door. "Finn?"

Realizing he couldn't hear her knocking she stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She bit her lip at his silhouette behind the curtain as she watched him for a moment, completely forgetting why she was there in the first place.

Remembering Burt's warning to conserve the hot water, she smiled to herself as she began to unbutton her (his) shirt. Quietly, she undressed and hung the shirt up on the door, staring at his silhouette as she hooked her fingers into her panties and let them drop to the floor. She crept over to the shower, taking a deep breath before she pulled back the curtain and stepped in behind him.

"_And even as I wander I'm_..._Whoa_! Rachel!" Finn cried as he looked at her over her shoulder. "What are you doing?"

"Can you hand me my bottle of soap?" she asked more calmly than she felt, stepping closer to him to get under the spray. "Move over a little?"

He handed her the soap over his shoulder, refusing to turn around as he stepped closer to the wall to let her get under the spray. "What are you doing in here?"

"Thanks." She flipped open the cap, her eyes on his ass. "You can turn around you know. I don't mind."

"Uh, you're naked," he answered, still not turning around. "And yesterday you wanted to hit me when I saw your ass."

"I've had time to reconsider, Finn. You've already seen my ass and breasts, so no big deal," she replied, pouring some body wash on her hand. "I see your ass, but you still owe me a penis."

"Why are you in here?" he asked for a third time, as he slowly turned around, his eyes roaming over her naked body.

_Holy shit_.

True, he'd seen parts of her naked (which was awesome), but the parts individually were nothing compared to her completely naked as a whole. Add in the fact that she'd ambushed him in the shower and he was already summoning depressing images to keep the hardness at bay.

"That's better. As for why I'm in here, the hot water thing broke, so Burt says we need to really conserve showers until he can fix it." She shrugged, trying not to show how much she liked what she saw. "So here I am."

"Oh." He reached for the bar of soap on the shelf, watching as she placed her leg on the ledge and lathered it. "Cool."

"He seemed pretty confident he could fix it, but I wasn't running the risk of having to take a cold shower." She looked up at him. "Can you hand me my razor?"

"You see the snow total was upped?" he asked, handing her the razor off the shelf. He grabbed his washcloth, rubbing the bar of soap into it for a moment.

Rachel focused on her leg, making sure she had enough soap before she began to shave. "Was it?"

"Yeah, it's up to four and a half feet. You shave your legs everyday?" he asked curiously, watching her shave her leg.

"Pretty much. I just make it part of my shower routine," she replied, finishing her leg and quickly lathering the other before she began. "I get everything waxed at the spa I work at, so it's really just touchups."

"You seriously wax your armpits?" He stared, running the wash cloth over his chest as she raised her arm and ran the razor over her armpit before switching to the other. "That's gotta hurt."

"I did it once. Never again." She placed her razor back on the shelf, reaching for her own washcloth and pouring her body wash on as she stared at him. "No manscaping for you?"

"Um no, not really. I mean, I do a little but..." He blushed, watching her put the bottle back on the shelf. "Kurt's always nagging me to do it all though."

"I can't say I blame you. It's not like you're a porn star." She tore her eyes away from him, needing to change the subject. "I spoke to Santana before."

"Yeah? How's she doing in the storm?" He ran the washcloth over his stomach, trying not to stare at her.

"She and Brittany are fine. They're staying at my apartment with Cosette, since Santana's building lost power and Brittany lives in my building." She ran her washcloth over her breasts and arms as she smiled at him. "That's how they met you know. Santana came to visit me and we ran into Brittany in the lobby."

"She's pretty scary," Finn commented. "You need your shampoo?"

"Yes please." She smiled at him, accepting the bottle he was holding out and placing it on the floor by her feet. "She's just protective. She likes to call herself a hardcore friend. I imagine Noah is the same."

He chuckled, grabbing the soap to reload his washcloth. "You have no idea."

"Did he tell you about the bet he has with Santana?" Rachel asked, holding on to him with one hand as she stood on one leg to wash her calf.

"They have a bet?"

She rolled her eyes, switching hands to hold onto him as she changed legs. "Do you believe Noah has a bet with Santana about us sleeping together? Isn't that ridiculous?"

He dropped the soap he was holding in surprise. "Uh, yeah, totally ridiculous."

"They're so immature, betting on how long we'd last at the party before we snuck off." She bent over, picking up the soap he'd dropped. "Here you go."

He accepted the soap she was holding, trying to banish the image of the view he'd gotten when she'd bent over in front of him before she noticed the effect it was having on him. "Yeah, they're pretty alike."

"A little too much." She held out her washcloth. "Can you do my back?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I can do that," he replied, taking the cloth from her. He waited until she'd turned around and gathered her hair to hold against her head before he placed the cloth against her skin, moving slowly. "It's pretty funny, him having that bet. He's one to talk about sleeping with you."

"Excuse me?" She glanced at him over her shoulder.

"His exact words when he first saw you were _holy shit. Legs that'll be wrapped around me later_." He continued running the cloth over her skin, moving it lower to make sure he got everywhere and wondering what it would be like to press against her as he entered her from behind. Thanks to Puck's infinite knowledge, he knew that not every girl liked that, but he had a feeling Rachel would. The thought aroused him, the mental image popping into his head immediately and he quickly began thinking of Poppy working out to calm himself as he ran the cloth over her lower back once more. "There."

She turned around, staring at him as she took the washcloth back. "Like I would ever sleep with him. Santana has a better chance than he does."

"Yeah?"

"Yes, but that's not happening either." She plucked his own washcloth out of his hand. "Turn."

He turned obediently, enjoying the feel of her cleaning his back. "Too bad. Puck would really like that."

"Noah would or you would?" she demanded, concentrating on the plane of his back.

"I wouldn't complain," he replied honestly, desperately banishing the image of the two girls on his bed from his mind as he tried to think of a safe topic. "So Aunt Bernie was impressed with my 111 points. Kurt's convinced I cheated."

"But you didn't." She ran the cloth over his lower back, biting her lip to resist the urge to move the wash cloth over his ass. Slightly jealous that Dream Rachel got to bite it and she couldn't even touch it, she moved the rag to his side, still biting her lip as she stared at his ass. Quickly, before she could change her mind, she ran the cloth over his ass, closing her eyes at the feeling of him beneath her hand.

Oh _God_.

It was just as firm as she suspected and she grew even more jealous of Dream Rachel for not only getting to bite it but also for getting to grip it as he pleasured her. She paused her movements as she imagined herself pressed against the shower wall, her hands gripping his ass as they kissed.

"You done?" He turned around to look at her, a smile on his face.

"Oh, uh yes. I'm going to shampoo now." She knelt down, grabbing the shampoo and lathering roughly to rid the image still in her head. She worked the shampoo into her hair determined to change the subject.

"So you'll tell Kurt I didn't cheat?" He reached for his own shampoo, pouring some in his hand as he stepped backwards to give her more water.

"Of course." She stared at him as she continued to lather her hair. "Remind me to call my dads later? They're probably worried."

"I think Ohio got slammed with snow too," he commented, lathering his own hair into a Mohawk. "I heard Jesse on the phone with his parents before."

"Why weren't they at the party?" she asked as she began to rinse out her hair, her fingers making the shampoo run down her body.

"I think my mom said they're on a cruise." He watched the shampoo flow over her breasts. "Too bad Jesse wasn't. He's always been such a tool."

"He was like that in high school too," Rachel commented, her eyes squeezed shut as the water flowed over her body. "He was older than me and went to a different school. The year before I joined glee club he dated the female lead at my school purposely dumping her just before regionals to ruin my school's chances. The show choir blogs ran wild with the story."

"That doesn't surprise me." He rolled his eyes. "You blew him out of the water when you sang."

She beamed. "I did, didn't I?"

"You wiped the floor with him, babe." The moniker slipped out before he could stop it and he flushed.

"It felt good." She smiled, making no notice of his slip. "Did I get all the soap out?"

"You missed a spot." He reached over, working his fingers though her hair to get the stray soap out. He massaged her scalp a bit longer than necessary, pulling away after a minute of soapless water flowing from her hair. "Uh there."

Her eyes, which had closed while he was working the shampoo out, snapped open and she stepped back to let him rinse out his own hair while she conditioned. "I like the smell of your shampoo."

He shrugged, shaking his head to rid himself of excess water as he stepped out from under the spray. "Kurt picked it out."

"Regardless, I like it." She smiled as she watched him reach for the curtain. "Don't go!"

"But I'm done." He paused, his hand on the curtain.

"What if I miss another spot or get soap in my eyes?" she insisted, stepping back under the spray. "I'll go blind, my Broadway career will be over and it'll be all your fault because you finished before I did."

"I guess I better stay then." He smiled at her, watching her rinse her conditioner out. "I'd hate to be the cause of the end of your career."

"I'll be quick." She continued rinsing out her hair, watching him watch her. "There. All done."

He turned off the water, pulling the curtain back and offering a hand to help her out. She accepted the hand, stepping daintily onto the bath mat after him. They were silent, staring at each other as they dried off.

She ran a towel over her arms, watching him dry his back. The movement shook his body and her eyes were drawn to the swinging motion of his flaccid length, her hands moving slower and slower until he ran the towel over his chest and finally tied it around his waist. Still staring, she used the towel to wrap her hair in, walking past Finn to grab his dress shirt off the hook. She slipped it on, not bothering to button it.

"That's my shirt," he commented, appreciating the way the shirt rested on her breasts and left a wide expanse of skin showing down the middle.

"Didn't we go through this with your other two shirts?" she asked, her hand on her hip. "We both know how this conversation is going to end, so you might as well just give up now and roll up the sleeves for me."

"Is that right?" He arched an eyebrow at the arm she was holding out, the shirt leaving her body and giving him a fantastic view.

"Mmmhmm." She nodded firmly, shaking the arm hidden in his sleeve. "Roll please."

He concentrated on images of dead kittens and not on how hot she looked in his shirt (or the view) as he rolled. "Kurt's going to kill you for rolling up the sleeves."

"He won't kill me," she replied confidently, holding out her other arm for him to roll up. "That would be an absolute travesty for Broadway. He'd be shunned by the Broadway community."

He laughed, reaching for the boxers Rachel had draped over the towel rack. "True. He'll blame me."

"You did roll." She watched, biting her lip as he dropped the towel and pulled on his boxers. Turning to the mirror, she reached for the hair dryer just as Finn sidled up next to her, grabbing his toothbrush.

He'd just put the toothbrush in his mouth when Rachel turned the dryer on, the forced air occasionally blowing her still unbuttoned shirt away from her body as she dried her hair. His dentist would be seriously proud since he probably individually brushed every tooth in his mouth as he followed the movement of her shirt in the mirror. The blood was starting to pool in his groin and he shifted, knowing he had to get out of there. "I'm gonna go get dressed."

She nodded, busy drying her hair.

He walked back into the bedroom, grabbing his jeans off the bed and slipping them on. His phone lit up with a text message and he settled onto the bed to read Puck's message, a GIF of a Chihuahua trying to hump a Great Dane's leg and accompanying text asking if that was his sex tape with Rachel. Ignoring that, he tossed the phone on the bed, reaching for the controller instead.

He'd just started flipping the channels when the dryer turned off. Rachel appeared in the bedroom a moment later, her shirt still unbuttoned, but now wearing her tiny grey panties. He eyed her outfit appreciatively, following her movements as she walked over to the night stand and grabbed her phone.

"What are you watching?" she asked as she climbed onto the bed. She crawled on her knees, settling between his legs so that her head was resting at the junction of his torso and thigh of his bent leg.

"I don't know. I just started flipping the channels." He stared, watching her shift a little to get comfortable as she checked her phone. Her unbuttoned shirt shifted also, affording him a fantastic view of her body.

"Oh! Brittany just texted to say there's a ballroom dancing competition on!" Rachel announced, tilting her head slightly to look at him upside down. "Let's watch that!"

"Yeah, no." He resumed his channel surfing, pausing at what he thought may be a sex scene but turned out to be a woman euphoric over her shampoo. Disappointed, he resumed his search.

"But it's like _Dancing with the Stars_!" she cried. "Noah told me how much you and your mom love that show."

"I'm _not_ watching a ballroom dancing competition," he repeated, watching her read her phone. "And for the record, my mom watches that show. I do not."

"But don't you want to see the costumes?" she pleaded. "Brittany just texted and said they're about to do the Viennese Waltz."

"No and hell no," he replied, pausing at an episode of _The Sopranos_. "Oh look. Your show is on. Maybe you can pick up some new mafia tips, Babyface."

She glared at him upside down, smacking his leg. "Funny."

"Don't forget to call your dads," he reminded, grinning down at her and her cute pout.

"Oh!" She turned her attention back to her phone, dialing quickly and waiting for someone to pick up. "Hi Daddy!"

Not wanting to seem like he was listening, he focused back on _The Sopranos, _watching Tony discuss something with Uncle Junior. A lock of her hair was lying across his leg and he reached for it, twirling it around his finger as he watched the action on the screen.

"No Daddy, I'm fine. I'm snowed in up in Sleepy Hollow...You're right, it _is_ the setting for my legendary run as Katrina VonTassel!" She turned her head slightly at his snort, smacking his leg again. "Can you hold please, Daddy?"

"What?" he asked, another snort escaping as she glared at him.

"If I hear the words Lima or Ledger come out of your mouth, I will hit you." She glared at him once more before she turned back to her phone. "I'm back Daddy...so how much snow are you getting? We're supposed to get over four feet here...oh really?...No, I came up here for a party."

He glanced down at her, curious to see if she'd elaborate but she listened for a moment before speaking excitedly.

"Oh! Get this! I met a parrot who sings TV theme songs!...No not at the party, I met Percival the other day. We sang _Green Acres_ in honor of you, although we had creative differences about the _All in the Family_ theme song...that's what I said but Percival felt he should sing Archie's part...I did teach him some scales to improve his tone but he was in no way suited to sing Archie's part...That's exactly what I said Daddy, but he didn't want to hear it..."

Finn chuckled, his finger still twirling her hair as he listened. Rachel's free hand moved as she talked, her fingers running lightly back and forth over his leg.

"Hey Finn I need...whoa." Burt paused mid knock as he pushed open the bedroom door. He stared, taking in the sight of a shirtless Finn with an exposed Rachel resting between his legs talking animatedly on her cell phone.

"Geez Burt don't you knock?" Finn cried, leaning forward to pull his dress shirt closed over Rachel, who didn't seem to realize the problem as she listened to whatever was being said on the phone. Finn's hands rapidly buttoning the shirt clued her in and she gasped, her eyes going wide as she dropped the phone.

"Sorry! I didn't expect..." Burt trailed off, busy examining the wall as he adjusted his hat a few times.

"What do you want?" He leaned against the headboard once he finished buttoning the shirt. Rachel, her face scarlet, pulled the blanket up over her head, too mortified to look at Burt.

"The water heater broke. Howard's useless, so I'm recruiting you to help." He stared at the wall as he adjusted his hat. "Meet me downstairs in five minutes. Preferably with a shirt."

"Ok." He waited until Burt had shut the door behind him before he attempted to tug the blanket away from Rachel's face. "Rachel. He's gone, you can come out now."

"No."

He chuckled at the muffled reply, prying her fingers off the edge of the blanket and working it away from her face. A grin broke out on his own face as he leaned over and pressed an upside down kiss to her forehead. "I know the drill. I'll tell him you're not a whore."

"Thank you." She sat up, allowing him to climb out of bed.

"You going to be ok?" he asked, pulling on the shirt he'd worn down to breakfast.

"I'll be fine. I'm going to call Daddy back." She settled back against the pillows, waving her cell phone. "Go fix things."

"You sure?"

"Positive." She blew him a kiss.

"Try not to have any sex dreams without me." He laughed, ducking the pillow she threw his way as he exited the room.

She waited till the door closed behind him before she snuggled into his shirt, inhaling the cologne lingering there. A sex dream hadn't been on her agenda for this party but now that it had happened, she certainly wasn't opposed to another one.

Even better if it wasn't a dream.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: I'm sure you all want to kill me for that dream. :) This chapter is actually broken up into two parts, so the second part will be up soon. It was just way too long to keep as one chapter, as much as I wanted it to be.** _

**_Happy #fififriday :)_**


	15. Naked Negotiations

**_Disclaimer: Glee is not mine._**

* * *

><p><strong><em>"The moment of impact. The moment of impact proves potential for change. Has ripple effects far beyond what we can predict. Sending some particles crashing together. Making them closer than before while sending others spinning off into great ventures. Landing them where you've never thought you'd find them. That's the thing about moments like these. You can't, no matter how hard you try, control how it's gonna affect you. You just gotta let the colliding parts go where they may. And wait. For the next collision." <em>**

**_– The Vow_**

* * *

><p>"Annnd I think we're done," Burt announced. "I think it's ok."<p>

"Really?" Finn looked up from his cell phone hopefully. They'd been down here for _hours_, only stopping for lunch and dinner. Rachel had been texting him all day and while he was glad at first that fixing the hot water heater meant he missed the classic musical marathon going on upstairs, by hour six he almost _wanted_ to watch a musical.

By hour eight the musical marathon had ended and they'd moved onto board games, which meant that he'd gotten frequent updates about the status of the properties she owned in Monopoly and questions about Jesse's shady business dealings (he'd chuckled at her indignation at Jesse buying Boardwalk despite the fact that that was _clearly_ hers since she already owned Park Place). Monopoly had given way to Trivial Pursuit and he'd been jealous of Kurt for getting to be teammates with Rachel, especially since they'd easily taken out the team of Jesse and Sugar. He'd heard all about their victory over dinner, enjoying the fact that Jesse's not knowing who the career home run hitter in baseball was had cost him the game. He'd made sure to answer the question correctly in front of him, earning a kiss from Rachel and the ire of Sugar.

"Yeah, I think it's all fixed." He eyed the water heater critically. "You're free to go."

"Awesome." He jumped up from the trunk he was sitting on and raced up the stairs, anxious to get to the kitchen. Rachel had texted about a hot game of Life going on and her suspicions of Kurt's cheating, so he was curious to see for himself.

"Hot water's all fixed," Finn announced cheerfully, stopping next to the table. "Life, huh?"

She nodded happily. "I'm a star but I have a crappy salary because I had to swap with Kurt. He's an accountant."

"A star with six kids," Kurt added. "She's got two cars she's so fertile, Finn."

"You have four!" Rachel cried. "_And_ you live in a trailer! At least Finn and I live in the Colonial house!"

Kurt ran a hand over his hair. "As of two turns ago, I don't live in the trailer. We've upgraded to the split level."

"It has no roof!"

"Still an upgrade," he argued. "No wheels."

"You're a very poor accountant if you can only afford a house with a big split down the middle," Rachel shot back. "Thank God you don't handle mine and Finn's finances."

"Give me two more turns and I'll be living in the Victorian," Kurt predicted. "I can afford it, unlike you."

Rachel gasped. "Only because I had to give you my 90,000 dollar salary! I'm stuck with your 30,000 dollar salary because you landed on the swap salaries space!"

"Not my problem," Kurt replied, giving the wheel a firm spin.

Her eyes narrowed. "You wait till I land on the revenge spot. I'm so suing you for damages."

"Bring it Rachel. I think you should know that my husband is an attorney." He crossed his arms in satisfaction. "So sue away."

"I will," she vowed. "I think _you_ should know that I'm also planning on suing for the emotional damage caused by you taking my salary. Finn and I have had to drastically change our lifestyle because of you."

"Couldn't go for that seventh kid?" Kurt asked in mock sympathy.

"While you two fight this out, I'm going to go take a shower," Finn interjected with a glance at Rachel.

"Good. You look like a homeless person," Kurt critiqued as he moved his car, observing the grease and dirt on his face. "Oh crap. I have to pay for night school."

Finn shrugged. "I don't really care. We have hot water again, so I'll take a little dirt."

"Take a little soap instead." He ducked just in time to avoid the hand Finn was about to smack him with as he walked out of the room. "It's your turn Rachel."

She tore her gaze from Finn's retreating figure. "Yeah, um I don't want to play anymore. Rory can take over for me."

"But-"

"Later Kurt. I need to go upstairs."

"That's how you got six kids, Rachel!" Kurt called after her retreating figure.

She ran up the stairs and down the hall to her room, not stopping until she was in the bathroom. Finn was just about to pull the curtain closed, but paused when he saw her, a grin breaking out on his face as he watched her pull off her shirt.

His hand still on the curtain, he continued to watch as she shimmied out of her jeans. His grin grew wider as she reached behind her to unhook her bra and toss it to the ground, sliding her panties down as she walked over to the shower.

"Crazy meeting you here," he quipped, holding out his hand to help her into the shower.

She smiled, letting him guide her next to him. "What are the odds?"

"I'd say pretty good since I was hoping for some company," he decided.

"I figured you'd want to celebrate having hot water again," she replied, trying to get under the spray.

"I did." He stayed where he was, watching her try to make contact with the water.

"Move over." She glared at him, pushing his stomach lightly to get him to step out of the spray. Pleased, she stepped closer to the spray, letting it soak her hair.

"Hey! I need the water too." He stepped back into the spray, using his body to prevent the spray from reaching Rachel. He grinned down at her. "Wow this water feels really awesome on my back."

"Finn! I'm cold!" She stomped her foot.

"So? Get under the water."

"I can't. You're being a water hog," she accused, poking his belly.

"Not my fault the water doesn't reach you down there." He made a show of moaning his enjoyment.

"Jerk." Glaring, she stepped around him, only to have Finn pick her up and deposit her outside the tub. "_Finn!"_

His lips quirked as picked up his washcloth. "Yes?"

Silently, she held out her arms, the shower curtain resting against her head.

"What?" he asked, knowing perfectly well what she wanted. "Aren't you going to shower?"

"You know what." She held out her arms expectantly.

"I guess you want to come back in?"

She nodded, squealing when he scooped her up and brought her back into the shower.

He didn't put her down right away, holding her in his arms so that the spray was hitting her face. "That better?"

"Finn!" she sputtered, the arm she had around his neck moving to wipe her face. "The water!"

"Geez, babe. First you're mad you have no water, then you're mad when you have it?" he teased, moving so that the stream hit her chest. "You really need to make up your mind."

"I'm sorry I let you name our 6th child," she huffed, sliding down his body. She reached for his washcloth and soap, lathering it as she stared at him.

"6th? What about the first five?" He arched an eyebrow, letting her pull his face down to her level to begin scrubbing the dirt off.

"All named for iconic Broadway roles," she replied as scrubbed his cheek. "Marian, Eponine, Laury, Magnolia, Christine and Harold. Marian and Harold are twins."

"I see. And what did I name our 6th child?" He turned his head, letting Rachel scrub his other cheek.

"Friedrich."

"I named him _Friedrich_?" he cried, horrified. "Why?"

"Well you _wanted_ Henry after Henry Higgins but Kurt stole it when he had the twins Henry and Eliza," she replied, still slightly bitter about that.

"That bastard," he mocked. "How dare he?"

"I know. That's the whole reason why I didn't name all our children after the Von Trapps. I refuse to burden one of our sons with the name of a name stealer." She ran the washcloth over his forehead gently. "Friedrich will have to represent _The Sound of Music_. Slouch over."

"Of course. That was my whole reason for picking the name Friedrich," he quipped, slouching over so she could clean his neck and shoulders.

"Are you making fun of me?" she demanded, her hand resting on his shoulder. "Because I can stop cleaning."

"No babe, never." He placed his hand on top of hers, helping her move again.

"I didn't think so." She ran the cloth over his chest, biting her lip at the feel of him. Her hand moved down to his stomach, running the soapy cloth slowly over the plane of his stomach and biting her lip harder. Her eyes found his as her hand dipped lower, running just above his groin. Slowly, she moved her hand back and forth, her eyes never breaking their gaze. "Turn."

He turned, feeling her run the cloth over his back before moving to his ass. Her hand was moving in slow circles against his ass, making him summon depressing images as a means of prevention. Unable to take it anymore, he turned back around, plucking the washcloth out of her hand.

She stared, watching him load the cloth up with soap and reach for her, running the cloth down one arm and then the other. She bit her lip as he rubbed her shoulders, massaging softly while working the soap into her skin. Slowly, he dragged the cloth lower, stopping just above her breasts. Her gaze never left his as he continued to run the cloth over her collarbone.

He turned her around, squeezing the cloth to let the soap run down her back and over the curve of her ass. His hand followed the soap, slowly traveling down her back to cup her ass. He rubbed firmly, not bothering to keep himself from getting hard anymore. His hand snaked around to her stomach, pulling her against him.

Sighing, she rested her head against his chest as he moved the cloth over her stomach. Her hands reached behind her to grip his thighs, feeling something hard pressing against her. She closed her eyes, shifting to rub her body against it.

**_I'm sexy and I know it..._**

Rachel peeked at him over her shoulder as she bit her lip and rubbed once more, ignoring the phone ringing in the other room. She turned around, her eyes traveling down his body to his growing erection and she took a step closer, placing her hands on his chest.

**_I'm sexy and I know it..._**

"That's...I should...it's Santana." She stared up at him with wide eyes, biting her lip.

"Yeah." His hands came to a rest on her hips.

"I should probably get that." Her hands trailed down his chest.

"Yeah." He squeezed her hips before she stepped out of the shower and ran into the bedroom to grab her phone. Shaking his head clear, he admired her wet, naked form as she came back into the bathroom, stepping out himself.

"Hello?" Her eyes watched him grab a towel in the mirror, enjoying the way he dried off and wrapped a towel around himself.

_"Sleep with him yet?"_

"I just got out of the shower, Santana." She smiled when she felt Finn come up behind her, drying her back off with another towel he'd grabbed from the rack.

_"The shower? Were you alone?"_

She didn't answer, biting her lip as Finn worked his way lower, carefully drying off each ass cheek as he stared at her in the mirror.

_"I knew it. **Please** tell me you got some."_

_"_We've had a problem here. The hot water thing broke. We needed to conserve water," Rachel explained, watching Finn dry her hips.

_"Even better. He's bringing out your slutty side. I hope you're still naked."_

"I am." Finn moved lower, drying first one leg then the other quickly.

_"So just jump him. You know you want to."_

"Is there a reason you called?" she asked as he dried her belly. "Because I wasn't done in the shower you know."

_"So you were going for shower sex?"_

"I don't know, maybe_." _Her eyes went wide at the omission, watching him wrap the towel around herself and tuck it. He grabbed another towel and began rubbing her hair.

_"I knew it. It's about time you admitted it, Rachel."_

"I'm not admitting anything. I just said maybe." She smiled as Finn wrung her hair out with the towel.

_"Rachel. For once in your life, don't think, just do. Do him."_

"Santana..." she trailed off, her hand over her mouth as she watched Finn fold the sections of towel on top of her head in an attempt to make a towel turban on her head.

_"I'm serious, Rachel."_

She giggled as the towel flopped apart, making him frown and try again.

_"Look. Did you actually buy those condoms in that picture?"_

"I did." She stifled her giggle as his second attempt fell apart. He shrugged, draping the towel over her head like a veil before he dropped a kiss on her shoulder and stepped out, leaving her to talk freely.

_"So use them. Don't come home until you've used every single one. You just said you were going to sleep with him."_

"I said maybe," she corrected, flipping her hair over to create the turban.

_"Let me ask you this. Has he seen you naked?"_

"Of course. We just showered together again."

_"Right. Again. If you didn't want to sleep with him, you wouldn't let him see you topless, let alone shower together not once but twice. Whose idea was that?"_

"Mine." She shrugged. "I mean, the hot water is fixed but..."

_"Exactly. You did it again. You've crossed all the boundaries, so take that final step."_

She bit her lip, opening the door a crack to see a towel clad Finn lounging on the bed, one hand behind his head as he flipped channels. "I don't know."

_"Do him."_

"You think?" She snuck another peek at him sprawled on the bed, remembering the way he'd been under her in her dream.

_"Yes. Brits wants to know if you watched the ballroom dancing today. You didn't, did you?"_

"Huh? No. Finn wanted to watch _The Sopranos_ but Brittany texted before and said it's on again late at night."

_"Good. Don't watch it. Go have sex."_

She hung up before Rachel could say anything else. Mystified, she stared at the phone for a second before opening the door wider and stepping out.

"Santana call to congratulate us on the birth of Friedrich?" Finn asked, his eyes following her as she walked over to the bed.

"Funny." She smiled as she sat on the bed, stretching to lay on her side, feet to head next to him, the towel turban falling off her head. She pulled it all the way off, tossing it on the floor.

He shook his head. "I still can't believe I have a son named Friedrich."

"I told you. I wasn't about to name him _Kurt_," she replied as she shifted over, resting her head against his groin. She stared at him, the towel riding up on her thighs and loosening at her breasts as she moved. "So what would you name them then?"

"I don't know. I haven't thought about it." He picked his head up to rest against her lower thighs, his left arm coming up above his head to stroke her bare thigh softly.

"How could you have not thought about it?" Her right hand slid down his stomach, coming to rest just above his towel, the tips of her fingers disappearing underneath. "You must have given some consideration to the Finn Jr. debate."

"Huh?" He stared at her in surprise, his hand momentarily stilling. She shifted again, the towel riding up and draping over her stomach as her ass was revealed. His hand automatically moved to her ass, moving over the soft skin repeatedly.

"Whether you'd like your son to be Finn Jr. or not," she replied, her left hand moving to stroke his thigh under his towel. "I personally can never decide."

"Oh." He looked thoughtful for a moment, his right hand playing with her wet hair. "Well Finn's an awesome name but I kinda think my son should have his own name, so he could be even more him, if that makes sense."

"It does." Still not totally comfortable, she moved a third time, a pert nipple popping out as the towel tuck finally gave way. "You want your kids to be their own person. That's how it should be. I bet you wouldn't pick your kids careers."

"Uh no. I mean, I wouldn't want them to be porn stars or drug dealers but..." He trailed off, watching the towel completely fall away from her breasts and immediately becoming aroused by it.

"That's how it should be." She smiled, her eyes roaming to the erection growing next to her head. "Can you put that down?"

"Your boobs are in my view, it's not going anywhere." He rubbed her ass a little firmer.

"Oh." The hand she had under his towel roamed a little higher.

"What...what are you doing?" he stammered as her hand ghosted over his testicles.

She sat up, her towel draped over one leg. "It's in my face. You won't put it down."

"Ok..." he breathed as she fisted her hand around his shaft under the towel.

"I can't work like this." She pulled his towel away from his body, exposing him to her. Satisfied, she began moving her hand up and down, concentrating on the noises coming from his mouth to adjust her movements. "There. It's important to have a satisfactory working environment, you know."

"_Fuck..."_ he groaned out as she twisted her hand, increasing speed as she moved up and down. "Oh _fuck_, that feels good."

She bit her lip, staring at him as he fisted the abandoned towel. Her hand moved at a steady pace, enjoying the moans and curses flying from his mouth.

"_Fuck_!" he cried as he felt himself start to come.

Rachel continued to move her hand around him, a burning growing deep in her stomach as she felt him pulse under her hand. She slowed down, her eyes growing wide when she saw the steady stream begin to explode from him and cover his stomach. Her eyes stayed trained on him as she watched his orgasm subside, her hand continuing to move until he went soft.

"You are seriously fucking good at that," he panted, putting his hand on her thigh. "Like Superman good."

She blushed. "I'm not sure what Superman good equates to but I took a class once."

"Well you definitely got your money's worth, babe," he replied, sitting up and grabbing the towel. He glanced down at his chest. "I better go clean this up."

"Yeah." She bit her lip as he stood and wrapped the towel around his waist, her eyes following his exquisite form as he walked to the bathroom. In disbelief at what had just happened, she rolled over onto her back, breathing heavy. She'd just given Finn a _hand job_. Not only had she given him a hand job, she'd practically given herself an orgasm as she'd watched him come.

And she wanted more.

It floored her that just the sight of her breasts could arouse him, let alone the fact that her touch could make him come as hard as he had. She'd felt him pulsing in her hand and the sight of him exploding in front of her made her feel a power she'd never felt before. She stared at her hand in amazement for a second before glancing down at her breasts, trying to see what Finn saw in them.

"Oh my _God_," she breathed as the memory of him coming flooded her brain, the towel finally completely leaving her body as she writhed on the bed. Her hand made its way over her heart, the racing heartbeat echoing against her fingers.

"You call me?"

Startled, she turned her head, her mouth dropping open slightly when she realized Finn was standing in the doorway.

Stark naked.

Obviously, she'd seen him naked in the shower, but this was the first time he'd been casually nude in front of her. She stared, her eyes traveling down his toned body to his flaccid length, already feeling a burning deep in her body. "What...what?"

"I heard you say something. You call me?" he repeated, leaning against the door.

She sat up. "Oh. No. No I didn't."

"Just checking." He smiled, disappearing into the bathroom again but not bothering to shut the door. He emerged from the bathroom a minute later, still naked. "I can't find my razor charger. Have you seen it?"

"Maybe it's in your suitcase." She lay on her side, her head propped up on her elbow as she watched him walk over to his suitcase. Her legs clamped together, rubbing to relieve the friction building up as she watched him rummage.

"Found it." He stood up, turning to face her and holding the charger up triumphantly.

She bit her lip as she stared, her eyes following him as he went back into the bathroom. Her legs rubbed together once more and needing to see his body again, she called out. "Finn?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Can you bring me my shirt?"

"Which one? My t-shirt or the dress shirt?" he called back.

"Dress shirt," she replied, rubbing her legs together once more.

"Got it." To her extreme satisfaction, he stepped out of the bathroom still completely nude, his dress shirt hanging from his right hand.

She smiled as she watched him approach her, her eyes roaming over her favorite parts of his body. "Thanks."

"No problem." He grinned, watching her take the shirt from his outstretched hand and place it on the bed next to her. "You gonna put that on?"

"Not just yet. I'm still wet." Not a total lie, since she could feel wetness between her legs.

"Oh. Yeah, you better dry first." She could feel his eyes sweeping over her body and she stretched a little, trying to relieve the friction.

Her eyes followed him as he walked slowly back to the bathroom. She counted to ten before she got up and made her way into the bathroom where a nude Finn was at the counter brushing his teeth. Silently, she strode over to the sink, grabbing her own toothbrush and brushing.

He glanced at her in the mirror, spitting in the sink before he turned to face her. "You need something else?"

"Um...my brush. I really came in for my brush." She grabbed the hair brush next to the sink, biting her lip as she watched Finn reach for his Mario boxers but not put them on. Instead, he walked back out of the bathroom, boxers in hand.

Her lip almost bled from biting it as she watched his retreating ass and she hurried after him, the hair brush clenched tightly in her hand.

"Are you getting dressed?" he asked, making no move to put his boxers on.

"Are you?" she blurted out, her eyes trained on his length to see if her suspicions were correct and it was in fact getting hard again.

He shrugged, tossing his boxers onto the chair. "Not just yet. I'm still wet."

She grinned, reaching for his dress shirt on the bed and tossing it next to his boxers. "Me too."

"What a coincidence." He climbed onto the bed, spreading his legs when he felt Rachel nudge them apart to sit between them. Waiting until she was comfortable, he plucked the brush out of her hand, running it through her hair in smooth strokes.

"Mmm. That feels so good," she purred. "Like a massage."

"You clearly haven't had one of my massages then if you think this feels good," Finn replied, still running the comb through her hair.

She turned her head. "I should probably have one then. You know, so I can compare."

"Yeah?" he asked casually, his hand dropping the brush onto the bed.

"Yes." Not waiting for an answer, she rose onto her knees, climbing over his outstretched leg to lie facedown next to it, her arms crossed under her head. "Begin."

He grinned, surprising her as he reached for her foot. She sighed contentedly as he kneaded the sole of her foot, switching to the other after a minute. "That feel good?"

"Mmmhmm. So good."

"You wait." He moved so that he was straddling her lower legs, his hands massaging her calves as she moaned. He moved higher, anxious to get his hands on her ass.

"_Ooooh_," she moaned as she felt his hands reach her thighs, massaging her inner thighs gently. "Keep going, baby."

His hands dipped closer to her core, massaging more firmly. She moaned again at his touch, making him begin to swell as he moved his hands away from her inner thighs. Aroused by the noises coming from her mouth, he cupped the sides of her ass, his thumbs running softly over the skin. Ignoring his growing discomfort, he began to massage her ass, loving the moans escaping her lips.

_"Finn? Rachel?"_

The sound of Rory's voice from the other side of the closed door snapped them back to reality. Still not taking his hands off of Rachel's ass, he continued to knead as he called out. "Don't come in, dude. What do you want?"

_"Why can't I come in?"_

"_Oh_!" Rachel cried as his hands moved to the upper edge of her ass, kneading firmly. "Oh _God_, that feels good."

_"Never mind. I know why."_

_"_I'm just giving her a massage, dude," he called back, running his hands over her back. "What do you want?"

_"Me, Kurt and Seamus are going to watch The Shining. You want to watch?"_

He leaned over Rachel to murmur in her ear, his chest pressed to her back as he massaged her shoulders. "What do you think? You want to?"

She stretched under him, twisting until she was face up and staring at him. "We should probably make an appearance. Kurt's bound to be furious I left him with all our kids and bills in Life."

He laughed, calling out to Rory. "We're coming, dude. Give us a few minutes."

_"Movie starts in 10!"_

"Got it." He sat up, sliding back off her. "Come on."

"I changed my mind." She rolled over onto her stomach again. "I don't think that qualifies as a full body massage. Continue."

"Sorry babe." He smacked her ass lightly. "Massage parlor's closed."

"Fine," she huffed, rolling onto her side. "But you owe me. I'm booking those hands for after the movie."

"I think they have an opening," he quipped, climbing off the bed.

"Good." She sat up on her knees, staring at his body as he got his boxers and her shirt off the chair. She reached for the dress shirt he was holding out, watching him watch her as he pulled on his boxers and she slipped the shirt on, leaving it completely unbuttoned. "Are we going to bring a blanket?"

He shrugged before pulling on his shirt. "If you want."

"I do." She nodded firmly. "I'll need the blanket to hide from the scary parts."

His lips quirked as he stepped closer. "You hide?"

"Absolutely. Room 237 scares me." She climbed off the bed, calling over her shoulder as she walked into the bathroom. "Expect to be cuddled then."

"Got it." He followed her, watching from the doorway as she bent over and grabbed her grey panties off the floor. "That the only part that scares you?"

"Oh no. There's lots of other scary parts," she replied, stepping into her panties. "You should probably be prepared."

"I see." He took a step closer, his hands reaching out to button her shirt and frowning when her breasts were covered. "Lucky for you I majored in cuddling in college."

She laughed as he finished the last button, running her hands over his t-shirt covered chest. "Lucky me."

"Ready?" He held out a hand to her, his fingers easily settling between hers once she took his hand.

"Ready." She followed him out of the bathroom, grabbing an afghan off the foot of the bed as he towed her past and out the door.

"It's pretty amazing that Aunt Bernadette has a home theater in her house," Rachel commented as he led her down the stairs.

"Yeah, Sugar's parents built it as a gift like 10 years ago," he explained as they headed to a room off the family room. "They've made a few renovations since then, like changing the seats."

"I know, Aunt Bernadette was telling me before when we had our musical marathon." She paused in the doorway, still amazed by the sight of the luxurious home theater complete with stadium seating, a large screen and plush seats.

"About time," Kurt announced from his seat in the front row between Rory and Seamus, holding out two water bottles. "Nice boxers, Finn."

Finn ignored him, grabbing the water bottles and leading Rachel up to the second row, choosing the love seat furthest away from Kurt, Rory and Seamus. He plopped down, letting Rachel curl into his side and drape the blanket over them.

"Prepared to be scared?" he questioned as she placed her head against his shoulder.

"Mmm. Good thing I have you to protect me." She smiled, her hand finding his to lace their fingers together.

"Always, babe." He grinned at her just as the lights went down.

She smiled again as she turned her attention to the movie, secretly looking forward to the scary parts. Beside her, Finn did the same, hoping she got scared.

A lot.

* * *

><p>"You can look now."<p>

"Are you sure?" she asked, her head buried in his shoulder.

"Positive."

She turned her head a little to check if it was clear. As predicted, Rachel had wrapped her arms tightly around his arm and hid her head when Danny has his first vision of the twin girls and the blood spewing out of the elevator. By about halfway through the movie she'd given up letting go of him between scary parts and just kept her grip on his arm.

Knowing that Danny's about to enter room 237, he placed his hand on her right thigh, rubbing reassuringly under the blanket. Her legs opened a little bit and he moved his hand to her inner thigh, stroking softly. His hand moved along her thigh, tracing random patterns as she sighed. She glanced at him and he smirked, his eyes fixed on the action on the screen.

She opened her legs more, making him stroke more firmly along her inner thigh, his eyes still on the action on screen. He grinned a little when he heard a low whimper escape, his hand resting comfortably on her thigh as his thumb traced her panty line. Her hand joined his, removing it from her thigh and placing it on his own lap.

Figuring he went too far, he grabbed the water bottle Kurt had given him, untwisting the cap as Rachel wiggled next to him. He'd just brought the bottle to his lips when Rachel grabbed his free hand and guided it back between her legs, her hand on his as she pressed it against her core.

His eyes went wide and he choked on his water as she moved his hand, his brain registering a lack of panties immediately. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, the portrait of innocence as she stared at the screen. Only the fact that she was biting her lip gave any indication as to what was going on under the blanket and he grinned, determined to change that.

He moved her hand, placing it above the blanket and putting his water bottle back in the cup holder before he turned his attention back to her. Eyes still on the screen, he reached under the blanket to cup her again, his thumb ghosting over her womanhood a few times.

"_Oooh_," she whimpered as he pressed his hand against her and teased, slipping a fingertip into her for a second before removing it. "_Finn_."

He glanced at the front row as he pressed and stuck a little more of his finger in, earning a slightly louder moan from Rachel. Not wanting Rory, Kurt or Seamus to get wind of what was going on, he pulled his hand out, quickly wrapping his left arm around her neck to cover her mouth while his right hand replaced the left between her legs.

Once more, he pressed his hand against her, letting his middle finger slip inside while his thumb continued to rub. He twisted and curled inside her as she moaned into his hand, only adding a second finger when he felt she was worked up enough.

He scissored inside her as his thumb pressed down, his eyes watching her watching him, the movie forgotten. Her left hand clutched the arm of the couch while the right gripped his thigh, her nails digging in as he moved inside her. She gave a muffled cry when she felt him increase his speed and curl his fingers, biting the hand covering her mouth as she arched her back off the couch.

The bite, combined with the fact that he could feel her tightening around his fingers, let him know she was close and he picked up speed, his fingers scissoring furiously inside her to bring her over the edge. He changed tactics as she gave a strangled cry behind his hand, swirling his fingers around rapidly.

Fascinated, he watched the orgasm take control of her body, slowing down his movements until she gave a final muffled cry and slumped against the couch, the blanket having long fallen to the floor from their movements. He waited a moment before he removed his hands from her, purposely focusing back on the movie like nothing had happened as he licked his fingers.

Unable to resist, he snuck a peek at her out of the corner of his eye just in time to see her lick her lips, tasting herself where his hand had been. The sight made the erection that had sprung up with every moan of her mouth swell even more and he forced his eyes back onto the movie as he shifted, trying to relieve the problem in his boxers.

He glanced at Kurt, Rory and Seamus, trying to determine if they'd heard anything. He didn't think so, since Seamus was clearly asleep and the other two were focused on the fact that Jack's going crazy on the screen.

Rachel resumed her position against him, her head resting on his shoulder as she watched Wendy swing a bat at a crazed Jack. She shrieked when the blow from the bat sent Jack crashing down the stairs, forgoing her earlier scared position by his shoulder in favor of hiding her head in his lap.

She snuck a peek just in time to see Wendy dragging a bloodied Jack through the kitchen. Scared, she turned her head towards Finn's stomach, coming face to face with his straining erection.

Her eyes traveled upwards to his face, taking in the way he was watching the action on the screen and she smirked, trailing a finger lightly over his boxer clad erection. The simple movement drew his attention to her and she did it once more, making him hiss.

She smiled up at him as he brushed the hair away from her face, her fingers undoing the button on his boxers so she could release him. He sprung free right in front of her and she stared, remembering how good it had felt in her hand. She dragged a nail up his length experimentally, loving the noises coming from his mouth. Her eyes found his, her hand making a fist around his erection and pumping slowly a few times. Her thumb ran over his tip, collecting the moisture there.

Still staring, she released him, sucking the pad of her thumb clean as he watched. Carefully, she licked her lips, making sure she didn't miss anything and causing him to groan. Her hand wrapped around him again, moving her fist a little faster. She squeezed, loving the way he pulsed under her hand.

He felt just as good in her hand as last time but it wasn't enough. Her tongue ran across her lips, fisting him once more before she placed her hand at the base and picked her head up slightly to let her tongue trace his length. The low groan that escaped his mouth spurred her on and she swirled her tongue around his tip once before taking it in her mouth.

"Oh _shit_," he groaned, his hand in her hair as he felt her sucking.

"Problem?" Kurt called out, his eyes never leaving the screen.

He scrambled for an explanation as Rachel stilled in his lap. "Water spilled."

"Don't let it seep into the fabric," Kurt warned, his eyes still on the movie.

"Uh huh," he moaned as Rachel began to move again, taking more of him into her mouth. "Oh _fuck_."

She stared up at him, her lips around his length as she watched him clap a hand over his mouth. If she'd thought he felt amazing in her hand, then the feeling of him in her mouth was _incredible_. She wrapped her lips around him tighter, letting her tongue swirl around his shaft as she savored the taste and feel of him. Him in her mouth was quickly becoming addicting and she wanted _more_.

The act of fellatio had never been one of her favorite sexual acts, but now, as she sucked and swirled up and down his length, she got it. Pleasuring him was turning her on just as much as it was Finn and each move she made, combined with the muffled groans emanating from him, only made the ache between her legs more pronounced.

The hand he'd buried in her hair pressed against her, pushing her down and she happily swallowed more, not stopping till he'd hit the back of her throat. She moved up and down repeatedly, listening to his muffled groans as she increased her speed and began to hum, bringing him to the edge.

Her movements slowed as he groaned and started to come, shooting hotly into her mouth. She swallowed everything he offered, working him until he went flaccid in her mouth. With a final swirl, she released him, tucking him back into his boxers and sitting up, thrilled to see him with his head thrown back and breathing heavy. Like he'd done to her, she settled back against the couch, her eyes fixed on the screen as she licked her lips.

She'd barely ran her tongue over her upper lip when she felt herself being pushed down on the couch. Startled, her right leg slipped out of the panties still around her ankles, resting across his legs as she lay back. Her eyes locked on Finn hovering over her, running her tongue over her lips as he watched. He lowered his head, his lips attacking hers hungrily.

Her hands fisted his t-shirt, pulling him close as she slipped her tongue in his mouth. His hand ran along her bare thigh, pushing her shirt up even more than it already had when he'd pushed her back against the couch. She moaned when she felt his hand cup her ass, kneading softly as they continued to kiss.

He moved both her legs onto his lap, his tongue still dueling with hers as he ran his hand up her bare thigh and over her ass again. His hands snaked between them to cup her breasts over her shirt, massaging as he continued to kiss. Her back arched at the feeling of his hands on him, making him moan into her mouth.

"Wait." She cupped his cheek with her hand as she sat up a little, his hand moving to her ass to support her.

"Yeah, sorry, I-" She cut him off, placing a finger against his lips and shaking her head no. He stared, watching her move her hands to her shirt. Her fingers moved slowly, unbuttoning the top three buttons of her shirt under his gaze.

"That's better." She grabbed his hand, guiding it under the material to cup her breasts free of any barriers, moaning at his touch before she attacked his mouth with hers. Their kisses grew more intense, her hand on his face while the other gripped his hair as he continued to fondle her breast.

"Ahem."

Startled, he tore his lips from Rachel, turning his head to see Rory, a cell phone in his hand, standing next to an annoyed Kurt and a sleepy Seamus, his hands still cupping Rachel's boobs. "Go watch the movie! This isn't a peep show!"

"The movie is over," Kurt commented. "You're supposed to stop making out when the lights go up."

Rachel blushed, attempting to adjust her shirt but unable to do so since Finn's hand was still on her breast. She pulled his hand off her, hastily buttoning her shirt and pulling it down in an attempt to cover her bare ass and thigh.

"Like you've never made out during a movie," Finn shot back, his hand rubbing Rachel's thigh and making her shirt ride up again.

"I have not." He crossed his arms. "And if I have, I've never worn my underwear as an ankle bracelet."

Rachel shrieked in horror, burying her face in Finn's neck as he plucked her panties off her ankle.

"Then you're doing it wrong," Finn replied, letting Rachel snatch the panties out of his hand.

She stood up as she tried to muster what little dignity she had left, running the hand holding her panties through her hair. "Yes, well I'm going to bed. Good night."

Not waiting for an answer, she strode past the boys and out of the room. Finn hurried after her, assuming that since she'd slipped her hand into his as soon as he was next to her, she wasn't too mad. Silently, they headed back up to their bedroom, an unspoken agreement between them not to discuss what had just happened.

She waited until the door of their bedroom closed firmly behind them before she tossed her panties onto the bed, watching him walk over to the nightstand.

"You need the bathroom?" he asked, grabbing his cell phone.

"No." She climbed onto the bed, settling back against the pillows. "Why?"

"You sure? I'm gonna be a while." He pulled off his shirt, tossing it onto the chair.

"Positive." She smiled, snuggling down to get comfortable.

"Cool." Cell phone in hand, he headed into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

She waited a minute before she grabbed her own cell phone, quickly typing out a message.

_**You know, you really shouldn't bring your phone into the bathroom. I know for a fact that's quite unhygienic.**_

Satisfied at her text, she unbuttoned her shirt, letting it spread open as she waited. His answer came back quickly, the beeping of an incoming text making her smile.

**_Well Aunt Bernie has no magazines in here. I need something to keep me entertained._**

She rolled her eyes, typing her answer quickly.

**_Are you really going to be in there long enough to be bored?_**

Her eyes flickered to the bathroom door, wondering how he could possibly even think about staying in the bathroom for so long. The phone beeped and she turned her attention back to it, eager to see his answer.

**_Probably. You can't rush fine art._**

She giggled at that, sending a reply off immediately.

**_You should look up articles about cell phones in bathrooms while you're in there. It's quite enlightening. I myself never bring my phone into the bathroom after I saw the piece Anderson Cooper did._**

It didn't stop her from bringing a book into the bathtub, but she figured that information wouldn't help her argument.

**_Interesting. Keep in mind that you're currently using MY cell phone, so..._**

Ew. She wrinkled her nose, climbing off the bed and making a beeline for her suitcase to get her disinfectant wipes. She pulled one out, quickly wiping off the phone before she typed her message back.

**_Seriously? You've brought my phone in the bathroom too?_**

Her phone clean, she settled back on the bed, waiting for his response.

**_Yup. I guess that was enlightening for you?_**

Jerk. She typed back her retort.

**_Fortunately, I always carry disinfectant wipes. My phone is nice and clean, which can't be said for yours._**

There. Pleased at her response, she snuggled against the pillows, bending her legs at the knees as she awaited his text.

**_You'll clean it when I come out. You know you will. _**

She huffed at him thinking he knew her so well and typed back her denial.

**_I'll do no such thing._**

He thinks he knows her so well. If he wanted to use a dirty poop phone, that was his problem not hers. She could happily live knowing her phone was clean and his wasn't. She'd just make sure that she didn't use his phone. Her phone beeped with his answer and she purposely waited a minute before reading.

**_Yes you will. It'll drive you crazy. What if Will calls and says you didn't get the part because he somehow knows you have a phone with bathroom on it? Cleanliness is important to Broadway, Rachel._**

Damn him, preying on her weakness. She worried her lip, wondering if Will had seen that Anderson Cooper report too and if he could possibly know a phone had been in the bathroom for a moment before she realized how ridiculous that was. Furious, she typed a response.

**_Jerk. You're showering alone next time._**

That should show him. He wants to be a jerk and mock factual information she was sharing purely to help him, then he needs to be punished. The fact that that was also a punishment for her crossed her mind as his answered came back.

**_We both know I'm not. _**

Her mind raced with retorts, wondering if she could somehow make him watch her shower but not get in the shower with her as part of his punishment.

**_You so are. I've decided._**

The shower ban now official, she smirked, picturing him trying to think of a response.

**_The odds of that happening are about as good as Kurt being able to name who played in the Super Bowl this year._**

Her eyes narrowed at the veiled accusation.

**_Are you calling me a liar?_**

How dare he? She wouldn't have typed it if she didn't mean it. Her eyes narrowed to slits when she saw his simple, smug answer.

**_Yup._**

Annoyed, she pictured him sitting on the toilet with a satisfied grin on his face. Just for his smugness alone, she decided to alter his punishment, her fingers flying over her keypad.

**_I was going to impose a one shower ban, but just for that I won't be joining you for the next TWO showers. _**

That should show him. She set to work, trying to figure out if her idea of making him watch her shower would really be feasible as she awaited his answer.

**_I'm not too worried. _**

He was _so _showering alone. Determined, she sent back her answer.

**_You should be._**

Her mind made up, she slipped out of her shirt and settled back against the pillows

**_We'll talk about it in the shower in the morning._**

Seriously? What part of the punishment did he not get? She frowned, trying to think of an appropriate response.

**_I hate you._**

Satisfied at her answer, she clutched the phone, dying to know what his response to that would be.

**_Add it to the list of things we need to discuss in the shower tomorrow._**

She huffed, deciding to change the topic.

**_Are you almost done in there?_**

A quick glance at the clock revealed he'd been in there for a half hour already and she rolled her eyes, figuring he had to be coming out soon.

**_Why? Miss me?_**

Of course she didn't miss him. He'd been in there so long, she was starting to worry that he was constipated and if that was the case, she had medicine in her suitcase.

**_Are you constipated? I have ex-lax in my travel bag._**

She thought she heard a snort come from the bathroom and she stayed on the bed, refusing to get the medicine out of her bag until he stopped being a jerk.

**_Seriously? You carry that around?__ That a big problem for you?_**

Her eyes narrowed at the accusation, typing a retort quickly.

**_Of course not. I maintain a healthy diet with healthy bowel movements. I was merely concerned because you've been in there for so long and I _****_believe I booked a massage for after the movie._**

She shifted, rubbing her legs together as she remembered the way his hands had felt on her legs. Her hand ran along the junction of her torso and thigh, trying to recapture the sensation his hands had created. The movement made her eyes close as she imagined him massaging the same spot.

**_Sorry. Turns out they were booked. You probably should have put a deposit down._**

She gasped, worried that he was serious. His hands on her had felt unbelievable and there was no way she was ever going back to her massage chair after that. Not about to let him get out of giving her another massage, she set about typing her answer.

**_Excuse me? I have very sore muscles._**

She stretched a little, trying to decide where she wanted his hands first. She'd just settled on him starting on her ass when his answer came back.

**_I bet. You had an exhausting day playing board games. _**

Did he think that was easy? Between Jesse refusing to give up Boardwalk, Kurt building hotels everywhere and the difficulty of trying to support six kids on a horrible salary in Life, she'd spent the majority of the afternoon stressed. She _needed_ that massage and if he thought he was getting out of it, he had another think coming.

**_Exactly. So get those hands out here._**

The thought of his hands on her made her writhe, a burning sensation forming in the pit of her stomach. She ran her hands up her body, cupping her breasts. A soft whimper escaped as she remembered the way he'd massaged her breasts, the beeping of the phone almost going unnoticed.

**_After you gave me a fake shower ban? No way._**

She rolled a nipple between her fingers as she debated her answer, finally deciding to be direct with a hint of sexy. Her hand left her breast to type her text quickly, returning to her nipple as soon as her text sent.

**_That was an incomplete massage. You never even got above my butt._**

Her fingers worried her nipple as she awaited his answer, switching after a minute to her other nipple just as his text came.

**_Go have another sex dream. Maybe Dream Me will give you a massage. _**

She tugged at her nipple, remembering everything Dream Finn had done. Her legs rubbed together, trying to alleviate herself as she typed.

**_Dream Finn was VERY considerate. If I wanted a massage, he'd already be out here massaging me. And he'd DEFINITELY go above my butt._**

Her eyes closed as she remembered the attention Dream Finn had paid to her breasts. Her fingers began to massage her breasts, a poor substitute for Finn's hands. She writhed a little, trying to find a better position just as her phone beeped with an incoming message.

**_And yet he's not as lovely as me. Oh! Look in the Lima Ledger. Maybe someone placed an ad for a massage parlor._**

His laughter rang out from the bathroom, making her frown as she typed.

**_I can hear you laughing. I STILL don't find your Lima Ledger cracks funny. _**

The sound of his laughter still reverberating from the bathroom accompanied his next text.

**_Luckily, I do._**

She sat up, annoyed. Her fingers flew over her phone, typing her retort.

**_And for the record, you grow less lovely by the text. I'm strongly considering issuing a retraction._**

Wondering if Marley Rose was still in charge of the editorials in the _Lima Ledger_, she glared at the closed bathroom door, her mind busy crafting a scathing editorial about what a jerk he was. She'd just gotten to the part about his deplorable bathroom habits when an incoming text arrived in her inbox.

**_I find it fascinating that you're yelling at me for having my phone in the bathroom but you're clearly guilty of TWN._**

Her brows knit in confusion as she tried to figure out what TWN was and why she was guilty of it. Unable to decode it, she sent off a question.

**_TWN? What exactly is that?_**

She shifted onto her side, her fingers grazing her stomach as she awaited a clarification.

**_Like you don't know. TWN=Texting While Naked. Which you are clearly guilty of. There's a steep penalty for that, you know._**

She giggled at the definition. Obviously, she wasn't opposed to naked texting but she wasn't about to let him know that.

**_I am not now, nor have I ever, been guilty of naked texting._**

Still giggling, she brushed her hair off her shoulder as she moved onto her back, her legs bent as she held the phone over her head, willing his answer to come.

**_Please. You never put your underwear back on and I'm sure you've unbuttoned my shirt, if you even have it on._**

Damn him. She glanced down at her nude body, biting her lip as she contemplated her response. Deciding to flat out lie, she typed back.

**_FYI my panties are on and my shirt is buttoned (and on)._**

Having no intention of dressing, she closed her eyes, running a hand over the curve of her breast as she waited for his response. It came a minute later, making her burst out laughing at the photo and accompanying text he'd sent, a close up of his face with one eyebrow arched.

_**That's me calling you out for lying. Prove it.**_

Her laugh turned into a huff when she read the text. She sat up, pulling the shirt on and buttoning it before she crawled over to the end of the bed, quickly slipping on her panties. She kneeled and fisted her shirt to reveal just a hint of stomach as well as her tiny panties. Satisfied at the pose, she quickly snapped the picture, sending it off with an accompanying text.

_**I don't need to prove anything, but here.**_

She stared at the picture as she waited for his response, amazed by how hot and sexy she looked. A thud was heard from the bathroom and she smirked, typing out another message.

_**You ok?**_

Her hand brushed her thigh, excited at the thought of him dropping his phone from that picture.

_**You just put your clothes on now.**_

How dare he accuse her of lying again? Her eyes darted to the door, wondering if he was peeking through the keyhole. Not willing to back off her lie, she typed back a denial.

_**I did not.**_

Furious at him thinking he knew her so well, she threw the phone onto the bed, refusing to answer his text.

_**Yes you did. You took too long to text back, Plus, I heard you moving on the bed.**_

She managed to last about thirty seconds before she typed out her response.

_**Are you done yet? Your ass must be numb.**_

He _had_ to be. It takes her less time to straighten her hair.

_**Nice change of topic. But no, it's not numb. Aunt Bernie has the padded toilet seat in here. I could use a foot stool though.**_

She giggled at that, picturing him in a reclining toilet seat as she typed.

_**Well it doesn't seem like a productive use of time to me.**_

She could think of a lot better uses of the 45 minutes he'd been in there. Like giving her a massage.

_**Actually it is. I got my highest score ever on Song Pop while taking a crap. My worst time that round was .09 seconds.**_

Her eyebrows raised at that. She herself had achieved fantastic times on the musicals playlist, but she'd never had all five times be less than a second. Her phone beeped with another message before she could type her response.

_**You'll be glad to know I'm coming out now.**_

She giggled, typing a simple response.

_**Finally.**_

His response came back fairly quickly, accompanied by the sound of a toilet flushing.

_**I knew you missed me.**_

The door opened before she could type anything. Finn emerged, his phone in his hand as he made his way over to the bed and grabbed his pillow and blanket to toss on the floor. She waited until he'd settled on the floor before she typed her next message.

_**Finn?**_

She scooted over to the side of bed closest to him, watching him read the simple message and respond.

_**Yeah?**_

Never hesitating, she typed a rapid response.

_**Look up.**_

Silently, she held the blankets up in invitation once he looked up. He grinned, gathering up his blanket and pillow and climbing in immediately. She snuggled up to him as soon as he'd settled, tossing an arm and a leg over his body. He pulled her up onto him, ignoring her protests.

"Finn!" she squealed, sitting up astride him. She poked his belly, his hands running up her thighs. "Don't be a jerk. I can easily kick you out."

"You wouldn't dare." He squeezed her thighs affectionately.

"I would so. It'd be back to the floor fo-" She paused as his phone beeped, wondering who was texting him since she hadn't. She leaned over from her place on top of him, not bothering to climb off as she reached for his phone on the night stand. She typed in his passcode without thinking, earning a raised eyebrow from Finn.

"I knew you knew my passcode," he commented dryly. "Are you going to tell me who's texting me?"

"It's Noah," she replied, reading the text aloud. "He says, -and I quote- _That's a fucking tiny pair of grey v-string underwear she's got on, Bro. V-string. Lucky you. _What does that mean?"

He winced at the message, his hands rubbing her thighs softly. "Nothing."

"What does that mean?" she repeated, tickling his stomach lightly. "Tell me."

"No way." He moved his hands over his stomach to block her.

"Tell me." She leaned forward, resting her elbows on his chest to prop her head up. "I'm waiting."

"Nope."

"What if we make a deal?" she offered. "A button for panties?"

He arched an eyebrow. "You're going to unbutton your shirt if I tell you the different meanings? But I've seen your boobs."

"Which is why you'll agree." She placed her hands near her top button. "Begin."

He sighed, knowing there was no way she was going to drop it. "Puck has a theory that underwear type shows what a girl likes in bed. Girls who wear v-string underwear like it from behind."

"Really?" She sat up, contemplating as she undid the button.

"That mean you like it from behind?" he teased, his hands moving to cup her ass.

"That's a completely asinine theory," she insisted, ignoring his question as she felt him knead her rear. "What does he say my G-string I wore to the party means?"

"Sex in public," he replied promptly. "He figures it's your inner stripper coming out."

She rolled her eyes, undoing the next button. "Interesting. Cotton panties?"

"Missionary." He grinned, watching another button pop open.

"Bikini cut?"

"Sticks to the standards."

Another button opened, revealing a hint of breast. "Briefs?"

"Same as bikini."

"Oh." She undid the next button, allowing her breasts to come into view.

"So v-string for you true?"

"For your information, Santana made me buy these. As I've told you before, I wear boyshorts," she retorted.

"Which means cowgirl." He grinned as she undid the second to last button. "I guess that's true since you rode me in your dream."

"Does boyshorts mean reverse too?" she asked, her hands on the final button. "What about thongs?"

"I think thongs are the same as G-strings and I guess boyshorts means reverse. I can ask," he replied, watching her undo the last button and spread her shirt open. "Too bad you're out of buttons. You didn't ask about Puck's favorite kind."

"Hmm. There's ways around that," she decided. "Tell me."

"Crotchless. He likes crotchless," he answered, watching as she rose on her knees.

"And what do crotchless panties mean?" Her arms fell to her sides as she awaited his answer.

"Rough sex. They're easy access, like if I was holding you up against a wall."

"I see." She shrugged the shirt off, letting it fall onto his legs behind her. Smiling, she stretched her arms above her head, arching her back as he watched. "And what about you?"

"I like this kind," he replied, his fingers toying with the strap on her hip as he stared up at her. "They're fucking sexy."

She shifted, feeling the hardness that had sprung up against her leg. "Any other things I should know about my panty choice?"

"Edible underwear means you like oral," he blurted out as she rubbed against him.

"I owe you a button for that." Her eyes never leaving his, she unbuttoned the fly of his boxers. Her hand reached in and pulled him out, biting her lip as she stared at his girth. Carefully, she ran her hand up his erect penis, her thumb working the top. "Even if it's not true."

"No?" He stared at her, watching her thumb move back and forth over the head of his penis.

"No." She shook her head, moving so that her chest was against his and she could rub her breasts against him as she placed her mouth by his ear. "Especially since I like oral no matter what panties I have on."

"Yeah?" he stammered as she dragged her breasts against him again.

"Mmmhmm," she murmured into his ear. "I...hold on. He said _grey_ underwear. How did he know I have grey panties on?"

"I have no idea, babe." He shrugged, way too aroused to be concerned. "He does have the ability to guess girl's underwear, maybe he did that."

"That can't be it. He's always accusing me of wearing gran..._oooh_." Completely distracted by the feeling of him moving and pressing himself up against her panties, she buried her hand in his hair, enjoying the feeling.

"You were saying?" he prompted, running his hands over her bare back.

"Oh yes." She sat up, scooting a little down his body to let her hand stroke his erection. "Noah's theory just isn't true."

"No? Are you sure?" he asked as he watched her rise on her knees and turn around over his stomach.

"Positive." She looked at him over her shoulder before she bent over his erection, her ass in his view.

"_Fuck_," he moaned as he felt her lips touch his tip. His hands flew to her ass, rubbing softly a few times before he tugged her panties down. He stared for a moment, the combination of Rachel taking him in her mouth and her exposed in front of him making him pause.

"Mmmmph," she moaned around his shaft as she felt him run a finger along her core. She took more of him into her mouth, her tongue swirling as she felt him repeat his action.

_**I'm sexy and I know it...**_

She moaned again, this time when she felt the loss of Finn on her. Not pulling her mouth off of him, she turned her head slightly to see Finn reach over and grab her phone off the night stand. Reluctantly, she released him and sat up, accepting the phone he was holding out. "Hello?"

_"Please tell me the fact that your panties are around your ankle means you got some."_

"Huh?" She fisted his penis, stroking softly as she waited for Santana to answer. "What are you talking about?"

_"That picture of you hopefully getting it on with the manny."_

"What picture?" She climbed off of him, rising on her knees next to him to continue stroking, her panties still around her thighs.

_"The picture of you sucking the face off the manny with your panties around your ankle that just arrived on my phone."_

The hand on his erection paused, inadvertently giving an extra hard squeeze at Santana's words and making him hiss. "Picture?"

_"Am I not speaking English?"_

"Where did this picture come from?" Her hand began moving again, stroking him gently as he moaned. "Do I look good?"

_"You look hot, Rachel. The sexual chemistry between the two of you is practically melting my phone it's so hot. I got it from Puck who got it from the Leprechaun. If your panties were around your ankle, can I assume you got **something**?"_

"Yes." She smiled at the thought, pausing her movements to tuck him back into his boxers, despite his protests. His protests disappeared almost immediately when she pulled his boxers down slightly to begin massaging his testicles as he moaned his approval.

_"Hold up. What was that noise?"_

"Nothing. Send me the picture." Her hand moved back to his length, stroking firmly.

_"What are you wearing?"_

"Why do you want to know?" she demanded, swiveling her fist around his erection as he moaned.

_"You're naked, aren't you?"_

"That's none of your business," she retorted, squeezing him as she twisted her hand.

_"You so are. Explain to me why haven't you jumped him yet? You two must be ready to explode from the sexual tension."_

"Did you send my picture? I want to see it," she replied, concentrating more on Finn's moans than on Santana's words.

_"Put the manny on the phone."_

"Why?"

_"Just do it."_

"He can't really talk right now," Rachel hedged.

_"Just put him on. You can use your mouth then."_

"Santana!"

_"Like I don't know what's going on there. You want to keep that quiet, tell him to moan lower."_

"Honestly, Santana." She rolled her eyes, still stroking. "You really know how to ruin a moment."

_"Hold up. You don't like giving head."_

"I never said that." She bit her lip, wishing just once Santana didn't remember everything.

_"Yes you did. You've always hated it ever since that party I threw in high school."_

"Well you didn't have to give me a class on how to do it in the middle of the party!" she cried, increasing her stroking as Finn pulsed against her hand. "That's why I never went to your Cheerio parties after that. I was humiliated."

_"You got a bad report from that band geek after prom. I had to help."_

"It was perfectly adequate," she defended, her stroking increasing as he neared his orgasm. "I've had no complaints since then."

_"Only because you've done it like twice since high school. How many times have you done it on the manny? Hand or mouth included."_

"Um three," she admitted, doing rapid hand movements to start the orgasm. "Today."

"Fuck!" he cried as he started to come into her hand. She held her hand over him, cradling the phone under her neck to work him as he continued to come into her hand. "Oh _fuck_!"

_"Sounds like he's done. Put him on."_

She sighed, waiting until he'd recovered a little before she held out the phone with her clean hand. "Santana wants to talk to you."

"Me?" he panted, his chest heaving. "Why?"

"You," she confirmed. "And I have no idea why."

He took the phone, watching Rachel pull his boxers back up. "Hello?"

_"Look Manny. I'm gonna make this easy for you. Just answer yes or no."_

"Uh, ok."

_"Is Rachel naked?"_

"Yes." He eyed her bare chest, watching her shake her hair off her shoulders.

_"Are you?"_

"No."

_"Why not?"_

"Well I..." he trailed off, staring as she sucked a finger clean and remembering how that mouth had felt on him.

_"Do you want to sleep with her?"_

"Fuck yeah, I do," he replied honestly, his eyes riveted to Rachel, who'd moved onto another finger. "Who wouldn't?"

_"I can think of a few people."_

_"_Huh?" The fact that Rachel was now licking her palm as she stared at him was making him only half comprehend Santana's words.

_"Look Manny. I told you once before that I was sick of guys dicking her around. Here's your chance to dick her around in a good way. Set the score even."_

"Huh?" he repeated, watching Rachel rise on her knees and turn around, her eyes smoldering as she peered over her shoulder at him. Her hands slid down her body, slipping into the panties still around her thighs and pushing them further down under her knees.

_"God you two are stupid. Your dick. Use it. With Rachel."_

"Uh huh," he replied, half listening as she slid onto her stomach, stretching for a second before she rolled over and sat up on her elbows, staring at him while she raised a leg and kicked off the panties. "Gotta go."

He hung up, throwing the phone to the side as he stared at her. Freed of the panties, she rolled over onto her stomach again, her hand reaching for his and placing it on her ass. She sighed when she felt a second hand join the first and begin to massage. "_Ooh._"

He moved to straddle her, his hands dipping between her thighs and making her moan more. She writhed under his touch, sighing and moaning as he felt his hands roam wild over her backside. "So I find it interesting that you make fun of me for bra removal class and you've attended a blow job class."

"It wasn't a class. Santana was drunk and demonstrated quickly on a banana at a high school party," she clarified.

"Who has bananas at a high school party?" he asked, rubbing her shoulder blades.

"Who plays with stuffed hippos in high school?" she shot back. "Now shut up and massage."

He paused, horrified. "Who told you about Henrietta?"

"Kurt suggested I name one of our daughters that and couldn't stop laughing as he tried to explain why," she explained. "I can't believe you couldn't get to third base with Henrietta. I'd imagine that any stuffed hippo that hangs out with Noah would be easy."

"Remind me to show you pictures of Kurt during his attempt to be more manly phase. He looked like a cross between a lumberjack and a pro wrestler," he muttered, his hands moving up to her shoulders to massage deeply and earning another moan from her.

"_Oooh_. Baby, that feels _so_ amazing," she moaned, writhing underneath him. She flipped over underneath him suddenly, staring up at him as she guided his hands to her breasts. Her eyes closed as he began to massage her gently. "Mmm. I _love_ your hands."

"Feels good?" He massaged firmer, moving in a circular pattern.

"_So_ good," she murmured, her eyes closed. "Don't stop, babe."

"I'm not." Her nipples were puckered from his touch and he rubbed his thumbs over them lightly, earning a sleepy moan from her.

"Mmm." Her eyes still closed, she placed one arm above her head, the other resting lightly on her stomach.

Sensing she was falling asleep from his ministrations, he stayed quiet, massaging gently as he stared at her. Her breathing soon evened out and he waited another few minutes before he pulled his hands off her. He reached for the underwear she'd kicked off earlier, carefully sliding it on her and deciding to forgo the shirt.

Gently, he slid his arms under her, cradling her as he picked her up to place her the right way on the bed. He smiled, watching her snuggle into the pillows before he settled next to her, pulling the covers up around them. She immediately turned towards him, throwing an arm over him as she used him for a pillow.

He wrapped an arm around her, his free hand finding the one she'd thrown over his stomach and lacing their fingers together. Only when he was just about to drift off to sleep did Santana's words about sleeping with Rachel come back into his brain.

_I told you once before that I was sick of guys dicking her around. Here's your chance to dick her around in a good way. _

He wasn't sure what she meant by that, but he was sure of one thing: He was _dying_ to be that guy.

* * *

><p>"Mmm."<p>

Rachel stretched a little, cracking open one eye. The room was still dark and a quick glance at the clock showed it to be only 4:18AM. Surprised she'd woken when she'd been so comfortable, she picked her head up off Finn's chest, turning over to grab her phone. She stayed on her side, pulling Finn's arm across her body to make him spoon her as she checked her messages.

Santana had sent the picture and she gasped, marveling at how _sexy _she looked. Their make-out in the dance studio mirror had _nothing_ on this picture. Her hand was on Finn's face as they kissed, his under her shirt. As Santana had said, her panties were indeed around the pointed foot of her raised leg, adding to the allure of the picture. Amazed at how good they looked together, she pressed save image, almost tempted to make it her wallpaper.

Finn's gentle snore came from behind her and she smiled, tugging his arm to pull him close as she wove their fingers together and closed her eyes. Secure in his arms, she snuggled back against him, her eyes shooting open when she felt something poking her. Recent activities in mind, she shifted, rubbing herself against his erection.

_Oh. My_. _God_.

And that was with the boxers/panty barrier between them. Amazed by how good that felt, she moved again, this time slightly more firm. The feeling coursed through her body, tingles going right down to her toes. She bit her lip at the sensation, her body beginning to feel warm all over. Not wanting anything to get in the way, she pushed her panties down under her ass, reveling in the feeling of her bare skin against him. She rubbed a few more times, each time experimenting with different movements and levels of firmness.

She'd just tried a circular movement (with _fantastic_ results) when she felt him press back. Her eyes shot open and she rubbed against him once more, thrilled at the feeling coursing through her body when he pushed back.

Encouraged by his actions, she guided the hand draped over her up to her breast and moved it in circles, her rear end doing the same against his arousal. He pushed back firmly, their hands moving together on her breast. She bit her lip hard, trying to keep the moan threatening to escape at bay.

Not satisfied by the feeling of his boxers against her skin, she reached behind her to push his boxers down, thrilled to find his hand already on his waistband. She placed her hand on his, helping him push his boxers down enough to free his erection. The hand she had helping him moved to grasp his erection, running it against her skin a few times and freed of any barriers, she let out a soft moan. _"Oooh."_

A series of kisses began being pressed against her neck and shoulders and she sighed, her hand on his hip as she continued to rub up against him, his own hand still fondling her breast. Unable to resist any longer, she turned her head to kiss him.

The moment her lips touched his, the cloud of sexual chemistry that had been surrounding them exploded. She pulled his head to hers, kissing him forcibly as her tongue slipped in and frantically explored his mouth. He climbed on top of her as he pulled his lips off hers, placing heated kisses along her jaw.

"Oh, _Finn_," she whined as he moved to her breasts, her hands pushing his boxers down as far as she could reach. She gripped his shoulders as her feet took over, pushing the boxers down his calves.

"Fuck, baby..." He placed hot, sloppy kisses all over her body, his hands tearing the straps of her panties in his haste to get them off. He tossed the broken panties behind him as he kissed her inner thighs all over before running his tongue along her core once.

"Oh _God_!" she gasped as she felt him suck on her sensitive spot. His tongue swirled around, making her writhe on the bed as she moaned, throwing her head back on the pillow. If she was Superman good when it came to hand jobs, then he was the Barbra of oral sex.

She pawed at his hair as he picked his head up, her hands yanking his face back to hers, frantically kissing him. He groaned into her mouth as she pushed against his chest, rolling them over so she was straddling him. Her hands cupped his face as they kissed, rubbing her core on the erection pressed against her leg.

The feeling of her on him was becoming too much and he needed to be in her _now. _He gripped her waist, intending to roll them over again but managing to roll them right off the bed instead. His legs tangled in the boxers still around his calves, he sat up planning to apologize, only to have Rachel attack him, pinning him back against the night table as she wrapped her arms around his head and kissed him frantically.

"Where's. Condoms," she breathed out between kisses.

He grinned against her lips, cupping her ass to hold her to him as he stood. Eager to get going, he tossed her slightly harder than he intended onto the bed, causing her to bounce as she squealed in surprise. He jumped onto the bed next to her, scrambling for the box of condoms still on the opposite nightstand and ripping open the box in his rush. Condoms rained over the bed and he grabbed the one closest to him, tearing it open with his teeth and rolling it on, a feat not easy since Rachel had sat up on her knees to suck on his chest.

"_Oh_!" she cried out in surprise when he hooked his hands behind her knees and flipped her onto her back, his mouth fused to her neck as he settled between her legs.

His hands gripped her hips as he sat up on his knees, lining himself up to enter her. He pushed in quickly, keeping his body perpendicular to hers as he began to move. Rachel's hands clutched his forearms, crying out in pleasure with each thrust.

"Oh God _Finn_!" she cried, one hand reaching behind her to grip the metal rungs of the headboard as he thrust into her particularly fast. The headboard banged against the wall and her eyes rolled into the back of her head as he repeated his action. "Oh _fuck_!"

He pulled almost all the way out, her cursing turning him on and making him even harder as he pushed back into her. "Rach baby, you feel so fucking good."

"Oh fuck _yes_!" she cried, her other hand joining the first on the headboard as he continued to thrust into her. The headboard slammed into the wall with each movement, digging into the wall and sending little fragments of paint raining down over Rachel. "Fuck, baby._ Again_!"

He pulled almost all the way out again, waiting until she rocked her hips against him in protest before he slammed back into her, sending another spray of paint flakes over Rachel as the headboard rocked with her body.

"Oh! _Fuck_!" she screamed with pleasure, her hands still attached to the headboard. "Oh fuck _me_!"

His hands moved to her back, pulling her up into a sitting position against his knees and cupping her ass as he thrust up into her. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she kissed him hard, moaning into his mouth. He swallowed her moans, waiting until she'd separated from him to throw her head back in pleasure before he spoke. "Fuck baby. You cursing like that is _hot._"

Her eyes rolled into the back of her head as he continued to thrust up into her forcibly. "Fuck me, baby! _There_!"

"_Rachel_!" He could feel her tightening around him, making his movements more erratic as he moved up into her.

"Oh God! _Finn_!" she screamed as she bounced in his arms. She pulled his face to hers kissing him hard. "Oh _fuck_!"

He moved his hands to Rachel's lower back as her orgasm began to take over her body. "Come, baby."

"_Finn_!" She screamed louder, her hands gripping his head as he continued to move inside her. "_Oh_! Baby! Yes! _Yes_!"

He held her close as the orgasm took control, rendering her speechless. His own climax was rapidly approaching and he laid her back down on the bed as he continued to move inside her. The sight of her grabbing her breasts as her orgasm waned made his own start and he pushed into her twice more before he exploded into the condom.

"Oh _fuck _that was good," he groaned as he collapsed on top of her, not bothering to pull himself out. He buried his face in her neck to try and attempt to catch his breath, only to have Rachel pull his face away from her body.

"Again," she panted, her chest still heaving. "I want to go again."

Not giving him a chance to answer, she pushed his chest, forcing him to sit up. Her eyes found his as she lifted her right leg and rolled over onto her stomach with him still inside her. She sat up, pressing her back to his chest as she raised an arm and pulled his head to hers for a deep kiss.

"From behind?" he commented, his hands roughly fondling her breasts as he kissed her shoulder and began to move.

She glanced over her shoulder with a smirk, placing her hands on his thighs. "Don't tell Noah but he's right."

"I knew you were kinky." He kissed her just as deeply as they moved, swallowing her cries.

She separated from him to bend over on all fours, her hands flush against the bed as he moved behind her, pounding into her. "Oh! _Fuck_!"

"Fuck, _Rachel_!" His hands moved under her to cup her breasts as he pulled out and quickly pushed back in.

"More baby _more_!" she screamed. Too exhausted to hold herself up, she lowered herself onto her elbows, leaving her ass in the air.

He leaned over, spooning her body against his, his hands grabbing hers to hold above her head on the bed. The new angle allowed him to go deeper, making her scream even louder.

"Oh _fuck_!" she cried as her body began to clench around him. "Fuck baby, _there_!"

"Rach baby!" he groaned as her orgasm hit. She screamed as her body began to shudder in pleasure, triggering his own release. Just like the first time, he exploded into the condom, his body stilling as he released. Completely spent, he collapsed on top of her for a moment before rolling them onto their sides, still buried inside her.

She turned her head, chest heaving and biting her lip as she stared at him. "You wanna keep doing that?"

His own chest heaving from exertion, he wheezed out his answer.

"Hell yeah."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Don't forget to check out the mida212 fanpage for pictures that go with this story and others :)**_


	16. Snowy Shenanigans

**_Disclaimer: Glee is not mine._**

* * *

><p><strong><em>"It all changed. Everything was different. We almost seem like a regular, normal couple. When we're in bed, I want to climb inside of him, and even that would not be close enough. Because there is this unnamed thing we share, this deep need. And I don't mean sex—at least I don't mean just sex. When he kisses my neck or rolls on top of me, I think, 'there, right there. Don't move'. And then he does and I think, 'there, right there'. And there is no right there – it's all right. Everywhere. Anywhere."<em>**

**_-Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis._**

* * *

><p>Two months.<p>

She mulled over the thought as she lay in bed, cuddled up to a snoring Finn. More specifically, it was two _long_ months, nine days and about eighteen hours since she'd last had sex of any kind. It certainly wasn't from a lack of trying on her part, having tried every trick in the book from flat out ambushing to sexy lingerie and she _still_ hadn't gotten any.

The sex she _had_ gotten two months, nine days and about eighteen hours ago had been mediocre at best. She'd been squeezed in to the schedule between an early dinner and a shift at the hospital and she hadn't even gotten the sex she'd wanted. Ever adventurous when it came to sex, she'd tried for the kitchen table or counters, but had been forced to settle for a quick missionary romp in bed as Mike got ready. She'd been left so unsatisfied by that that she'd actually had to help herself after he'd left.

Which was why she fully intended to get all the sex she wanted this time.

She'd _never_ in a million years expected what had happened to actually happen, but now that it had, well, she wouldn't take back a minute of it. His reaction to her body amazed her and gave her the confidence she needed to be naked around him. She'd never actually walked around nude or barely clothed before but she just felt so _sexy_ and desired and the fact that he couldn't seem to get enough of her body just made her want to do it even more.

Which was good since they'd spent the better part of the past day nude. She'd meant it when she asked him if he wanted to keep doing it since sex with him was like this euphoric feeling she'd never experienced before and was quickly becoming addicted to.

He'd certainly felt the same way, showing his willingness by going down on her immediately after the first two times they'd had sex. She'd come just as hard as she had the first two times and it was then, breathless and panting that they'd come up with some ground rules.

_"Fuck, you're good at that," Rachel panted once she was able to speak again._

_"I'm guessing you liked it?" he questioned, kissing his way up her body._

_"God yes." She accepted the kiss he was offering before pushing on him to get him to roll over. He pulled her with him, grinning when she straddled him. "You're so doing that for me again."_

_"Mmm. I heard something about that." His hands ran up the sides of her torso, thumbs stroking over her breasts softly._

_"Don't think I'm kidding. I'm adding it to my full body massage." She leaned forward, placing a kiss against his lips before she spoke. "I'm your girlfriend and as long as we're snowed in, we're doing it."_

_"Yeah?" He grinned like a fool at the thought. "That another loophole?"_

_"Absolutely." She leaned over him, her breasts pressing against him as she slid her tongue in his mouth, exploring for a moment before she pulled it out and sucked on his bottom lip. "We don't stop till we're home and the snow stops."_

_"I like the way you think, babe." He stared up at her as she placed her hands on either side of his face, cupping it as she kissed him again._

_ "Do you like it enough to really have some fun with it?" She kissed his jaw line a few times before she sat up, grabbing his hands to guide them to her breasts, moving them in circles against her skin as she awaited his answer._

_"How so?" He massaged her gently as she bit her lip._

_"Well I was thinking…" She leaned forward, taking his earlobe in her mouth and worrying it with her teeth for a moment before releasing it to whisper in his ear. "Any time, any where, any way."_

_"You really are kinky," he murmured as she sat back up and replaced his hands back on her breasts. "I like it."_

_"You have no idea." She let out the breath she'd been holding, thrilled that he was going to go along with it._

_"So…cowgirl, shower and behind are all good?" he stipulated as his hands moved._

_"Good, good and definitely good," she replied, moaning softly at his touch._

_"Missionary too, I guess," he mused, massaging softly._

_She pulled his hands off her breasts. "No. No missionary."_

_"Seriously?" He stared in surprise as she climbed off him to lay on her side facing away from him._

_"Yes."_

_Sensing the change in demeanor, he turned on his side to spoon her, whispering in her ear to make her happy again. "What about sex in the totally kickass snow fort I'm gonna build once it stops snowing so hard?"_

_She giggled, turning her head to look at him. "I'm up for it, if you are."_

_"Oh I am." He turned her head more with his finger, placing a deep kiss on her lips._

_She turned in his arms, cuddling up against him as she threw an arm and a leg over his body. "Can't wait."_

They'd woken up late and steamed up the shower even more once Finn had taken her from behind. Her euphoric screams had echoed around the bathroom and things had gotten a lot dirtier before they'd gotten clean and headed down to breakfast. Everyone else had already eaten and were scattered about the house, which meant they were free to casually touch and kiss as they saw fit.

Breakfast kissing had given way to a make out and what had started out as some fun touching quickly escalated into Rachel servicing him with her mouth in the laundry room off the kitchen, making Finn come against the washing machine. Lack of panties on Rachel's part had proven beneficial since he'd picked her up and deposited her on the running dryer, the vibrations from the machine combined with his mouth on her making her come extra hard. She'd had to bite down hard on the hand Finn had over her mouth to keep from screaming, especially since they'd almost been caught by someone coming into peruse the fridge but the danger element only added to the intensity of her orgasm.

Exhausted, they'd headed back upstairs intending to get dressed but the moment the door closed behind them naked cuddling had commenced, leading to an equally naked nap. They'd woken up refreshed and ready to try out the condom labeled _fire and ice_ until Carole knocking on the door for lunch had put that plan on hold.

They'd reluctantly dressed in the clothes they'd arrived in, spending the rest of the day with the family watching TV and playing games, all the while touching each other anyway they could, be it an arm around the shoulder or a sneaky hand between the thighs under the table.

An intense make-out session in Bernadette's basement after dinner had resulted in both Rory and Sugar getting an excellent view of Rachel's breasts when they came downstairs since Finn had removed her sweater and simply pulled her breasts out of her bra. Rachel had screamed, Rory had stared and Sugar had remarked that Rachel's breasts were freakishly two different sizes, leading Rachel to comment from behind Finn that even with two different sized breasts, she'd still managed to get Finn, unlike Sugar. _That _had led to Finn needing to get Rachel away from Sugar fast, bringing her to the movie room to calm her with both a movie and his hands.

They'd picked up immediately with their interrupted make-out which meant she'd ended up on his lap sweaterless and with her breasts pulled out of her bra less than ten minutes into the movie and was totally topless eleven minutes in, the danger aspect compelling her to remove the bra completely while his shirt was gone and her hand was down his pants by the twenty minute mark.

Feeling emboldened by the intensity of his gaze and drunk on his kisses she'd stood up, making a show of unzipping and pulling off her jeans for him before she'd settled back on his lap in just the panties she'd worn to the party. Kissing had immediately resumed, his hands on her ass while hers unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans to pull him out and stroke him. Not satisfied by just her hand on him she'd kissed her way down his chest, maneuvering her body as she did so to position herself between his legs, her hands on his thighs as she took him in her mouth, moving rhythmically until he'd exploded into her throat. Loving the sensation just as much as he did, she'd climbed back into his lap, her lips immediately claiming his again.

Footsteps outside the door had caused their make-out to stop before they could go any further but undaunted, Rachel had thrown her shirt and pants on, grabbed her bra and pulled Finn up to their bedroom, frantically pawing at his clothes the second the door shut behind them.

As it had the night before, the sexual chemistry exploded once they were behind closed doors. Finally free to try out the various types of condoms in the box she'd bought, they'd experimented with several positions, thoroughly enjoying each one. She'd soon discovered that Finn was eager to go along with whatever she wanted which was why he'd found himself blindfolded with his tie at one point while she'd hungrily explored his body until it became too much for both of them and she'd ridden him to an orgasm that was just as intense for her as it was for him. Beyond tired, they'd finally succumbed to sleep wrapped in each other's arms.

Reminiscing complete and fresh from the fantastic slumber great sex causes she stretched, her body gloriously lose. She'd never felt so _satisfied_ sexually before. She'd always been fairly adventurous when it came to sex and Finn had proven up to the task, which was why she was now able to check a few locations and several positions off her list. Her ride on the dryer had exceeded her expectations and she idly wondered what actual sex would feel like on it as she stroked his chest softly and debated if they could have sex on it without getting caught.

She stretched once more and smiled at the thought, tilting her head to look at a still sound asleep Finn lying on his back next to her, his morning arousal evident even under the blankets. Her smile grew wider as she sat up, pulling the blankets off of them. Satisfied at the view of his erection, she lay back, running her hands over herself.

She eyed his erection, wondering what would happen if she just went down on him while he was still sleeping. The pleasant ache that had been left between her legs after their sexual liaisons grew more pronounced as she stared, playing with herself softly.

Unable to resist, she sat up and carefully settled between his legs, biting her lip as she lightly fisted his penis. He stirred slightly but didn't wake as she slowly moved her hand up and down. Not satisfied by his reaction, she squeezed harder, twisting her hand as he continued to sleep. Eyes locked on his face, she lowered her body enough to lick him once from base to tip, sucking lightly on the head as she watched him stir.

"Uhhhh," he moaned, his eyes still closed. She waited a moment before she took him in her mouth, bobbing up and down a few times before she released him, frowning when she realized he _still _hadn't woken.

An idea popped into her head and she grinned, crawling over his body to grab a condom marked _For Her Pleasure_, purposely letting her breasts rub against his erection a few times. Liking the feeling, she kissed his chest, rocking her body so that her breasts continued to hit his erection each time she pulled away from his body. The hand not gripping the condom package moved to grasp his penis, running it along her breasts in the hopes that he'd awaken but he remained asleep.

Frustrated, she ripped open the condom and rolled it on, biting her lip as she debated how exactly she wanted to do this. She'd already ridden him both ways last night and _loved_ it, especially when he'd switched positions right in the middle and moved her from astride him backwards to on her stomach, but the thought of being able to see his reaction to her on him when he woke quickly tipped the scale towards regular cowgirl position.

"Ooooh," she moaned softly as she impaled herself on him, letting him fill her completely. Her body stilled, savoring the feeling of him inside her. "God, that feels good."

Unable to wait any longer, she began moving slowly, her hands on his stomach as she watched him start to stir. Grinning, she leaned forward and kissed him softly on his lips, the pressure from her arms on his chest helping to wake him. Her kisses grew more insistent once she felt him awaken, pressing her chest against him as she rocked her hips.

Fingers resting on his neck, she ran her tongue along his lip, knowing he was awake when his mouth opened almost immediately. She slipped her tongue in, letting her tongue explore for a moment, rocking her body once more before she sat up and stared at him, her hips now swiveling. "Good morning."

"You always wake people up like this?" he asked, his hands finding her waist while he watched her play with her breasts as she moved. "Not that I'm complaining."

"Mmm. You better not be." She rose on her knees, teasing him by keeping just his tip inside her as she stared at him. "Especially since I'm in the mood to have some fun."

"Are you?" He got his answer when she slammed back down on him, making them both groan.

"God yes." She began moving faster, swiveling her hips in tight circles as she moaned, her hands on his chest.

He steadied her as she changed direction, moving up and down instead of concentric, the movement making her breasts bounce to his delight. Mesmerized, his hands gripped her ass roughly, the feeling of his hands on her making her curse loudly as she buried her hands in her hair.

"Oh _Finn_," she moaned, her hands moving to hold his forearms as she bounced. "God, baby, _yes!"_

Her boobs were bouncing away in front of him and unable to resist them any longer, he cradled them with his hands, tugging forcibly on her nipples as she moaned above him.

She leaned forward suddenly, hovering over him and placing her hands on either side of his head as she lifted her ass to release him almost completely from him. Her hair framed them as she teased him, rocking in the air a few times before she slammed herself back down, making him groan in pleasure.

"Oh _fuck_!" she cried when she felt him roll them onto their sides. She immediately bent her leg and rested it on the side of his torso, crying out when he grabbed her ass to move her leg so that her thigh was near his armpit. The new angle he created by doing so hit her in just the right spot and she cried out again at his thrusts. She cupped his face, kissing him passionately as he continued to thrust, each movement bringing her climax closer. "Oh _God_! Again baby, _more_!"

He moved quicker, groaning into her mouth and holding her leg to his side until she gave a final scream and went limp. Her reaction fueled him on and with one more pump he was just as limp as she was. Gently, he rolled her onto her back, not bothering to pull out of her as he caressed her face. "Morning."

"Mmm. Morning." She lifted her head a little, kissing his lips a few times. "Did you like your wakeup call?"

"I did." He kissed her jawline. "I think you need to do that tomorrow too."

She giggled as he moved lower, kissing her neck. "Same position?"

"Nope. I have a few others in mind, babe." He sucked on her shoulder. "Want me to show you one now?"

"I'd love that but I need to shower and get desexed." She kissed his temple.

"Well I'm here to help you get clean," he offered, one hand cupping a breast and squeezing gently.

She pushed him off her. "I need to get desexed and so do you, which means I'm showering alone."

"Seriously?" he pouted, pulling out of her and flopping onto his back. "Can I at least watch?"

"No way. I just pick up the soap and that thing pops up." She sat up, tugging on his condom covered length lightly. "You can't keep this thing to yourself."

"Isn't that ironic? You just jumped _me _while I was sleeping," he pointed out smugly. "You don't _want_ me to keep it to myself."

"I think you mean hypocritical." She climbed off the bed, her hand on her hip. "And I didn't jump you. I simply saw that you needed to get relief and decided to help you."

"Uh huh." He shifted to the edge of the bed, pulling her between his legs and wrapping his arms around her waist as he kissed a breast. "You're such a bad liar."

"I am not." Her hands wove around his head as he scattered kisses all over her breasts.

"Yeah you are," he murmured against her breast, his eyes looking up at her as he sucked her skin.

"I was going to let you watch, but just for that, I'm not," she decided, pulling his head off her body.

"Seriously? Come on," he pouted as she stepped out of his embrace and grabbed his dress shirt off the chair. "I take it back."

"Too late," she called over her shoulder as she headed towards the bathroom. He jumped off the bed, making her squeal when he scooped her up bridal style and carried her into the bathroom. "Finn! Put me down this instant! I'm mad at you!"

"No you're not." He placed her down on the counter with a kiss, standing between her legs.

"I really am." Her hands came up to cup his face as she kissed him a few times. "I'm furious with you."

"We both know you're not." His mouth moved to suck on the spot behind her ear. "Am I allowed to join you now?"

"Nope." She hopped off the counter, attempting to push him towards the door. "Out."

"Why?" He stayed in place, smirking as she tried to move him again. "You know that's not going to work."

She glanced down at his semi flaccid penis. "That's why. All we did was kiss and you're getting aroused. That thing comes in the shower and it'll be inside me in two seconds because you're so horny."

"_Me_? You're the one who initiates it almost every time," he pointed out smugly. "Admit it. You've got a thing for my junk."

"Wouldn't you like to know?" she called over her shoulder as she turned on the shower. "I'm getting in now. Stay over there."

He watched her step in and pull the curtain shut, admiring her silhouette as he pulled the condom off and disposed of it. Not bothering to cover up, he turned back to the mirror and reached for his shaving cream. His eyes trained on the shower curtain showcased behind him in the mirror, he slowly lathered the left side of his face.

Rachel's head presently peeked around the curtain. "Are you still here?"

He squirted some shaving cream into his hand as he stared at her in the mirror. "I am."

"Oh." She drew the curtain shut again, only to pull it back and peek her head out again a moment later. "You're shaving?"

"Nothing gets by you, huh?" he teased, lathering the right side of his face and grinning when Rachel huffed and pulled the curtain shut again.

"I hope you're not shaving as a desperate attempt to stall your bathroom departure in the hopes I'll invite you in here," she called from behind the curtain.

"I'm not," he replied evenly as he picked up his razor.

The curtain pulled back once more. "Because it won't work."

"I didn't say it would," he countered, watching her head disappear behind the curtain again.

He smirked as the curtain was yanked open all the way open, revealing a wet naked Rachel with a hand on her hip. "And don't think parading that tight cute ass in front of me will work either because it won't."

"My tight cute ass is out here with me as I shave," he replied, running the razor down his face to create a smooth strip of skin in the midst of all the shaving cream. He paused, his eyes fixed on her. "Don't _you_ think you can entice me to join you by standing there wet and naked or showing me your boobs. Because it won't work."

"My boobs are showering with me," she mimicked, her eyes focused on watching him run the razor over his skin. "Are you leaving some scruff?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he teased, fully intending to shave as she liked.

"I don't. I was just making conversation." She yanked the curtain shut but not before he saw her bite her lip as he exposed more smooth skin with the razor.

"In that case, I'm not going to tell you," he replied as he finished the left side of his face and neck. "Not like it matters anyway. I'll look lovely no matter what. It's really more of a question of just how lovely I'll look."

"Hysterical, Finn," she called over the running water.

"You're just mad because my tight cute ass is out here with me and you can't grab it," he teased, running the razor under the water. "I know how much you like that."

"Not as much as you like to fondle my breasts." The curtain opened, a hand once again on her hip. "Admit it. You have a thing for my breasts."

"Touché." He grinned, giving her a shrug. "But I admit nothing."

""Thank you. I thought it was good." She beamed, clearly proud at throwing his words back at him. "Now no matter how cute that little butt is, I repeat. Not going to work."

"Do you need me to turn around so it's out of your view?" he queried, his eyes teasing as he turned to face her. "Is that better?"

"I assure you the sight of your ass has no bearing on my ability to take a shower _alone_," she answered, a haughty tone to her voice even as she eyed him hungrily, her hands moving to her breasts. "And neither does that erection you've got going on there."

"You think this is from you?" He smirked and stroked himself once as she watched, her hands squeezing her breasts together.

"I don't think it is, I _know_ it is." She casually traced her fingers around her nipples, tugging lightly as he stared.

"I see." He stroked himself again, the sexy way she was biting her lip as she played with her breasts not escaping his attention. Even more aroused but not wanting to give in, he turned back to the mirror and picked up his razor. "Too bad you're wrong."

Her hand flew to her hip indignantly. "Excuse me? We both know I'm right."

He shrugged, tilting his face to shave his neck. "Maybe you are, maybe you aren't."

"Jerk." Her eyes narrowed at his words, a hand immediately reaching out to yank the curtain closed. "And just so you know, I believe it's a felony in most states to shave naked like you are. I could turn you in if New York is one of those states. They could make an example out of you."

He snorted. "I highly doubt it's illegal."

"Don't be so sure," she called back. "Given how sexy you look shaving naked, it could distract someone and they could fall in the shower and possibly die, making you a murderer."

"So murder by sexiness?" He paused his shaving to look at the closed curtain in the mirror.

"Exactly," she called out. "Between your squeezable ass that I just want to _bite_ and your back that I want to drag my fingers down, it's trouble. And that's just the backside. Don't get me started on the way you….oh fuck it."

The curtain flew open and she stepped out, her wet body dripping as she made her way over to him. Plucking the razor out of his hand, she slipped in between the counter and him, her eyes on his face as she ran her wet hands up his chest. Not bothered by the fact that he had half a face of shaving cream, she pulled his face down to hers, her hand resting in the shaving cream as she slipped her tongue in his mouth.

He reached under her ass, bending slightly to pick her up and place her on the edge of the counter, his hands flying to her breasts as they continued to kiss. Wanting to get closer, he lifted his right leg, bending it at the knee to rest on the counter next to her. Rachel's leg automatically moved on top of his bent leg and he pulled her even closer, more than ready to be inside her.

"Finn, baby _please_," she breathed, her shaving cream covered hand tangling in her hair. "Baby_ now_."

Just as worked up as she was, he gripped himself, pumping a few times before he lined himself up at her entrance. A quick glance down made him frown and he paused, releasing himself. "One second, babe."

"No baby, _now_." She pulled his face to hers, kissing his jaw as she reached between them and ran his erection along her folds. "Oh _God. _Hurry baby_, hurry._"

Grateful that he'd had the foresight to leave a few condoms in the bathroom after their shower sex yesterday, he reached for one, tearing it open with his teeth as Rachel sucked on his neck, her hand still running his penis against her. "Got it babe. We only have a few left."

"Gimme," she whined, ripping it out of his hand and tossing it away from them with one hand while she guided him swiftly into her with the other. "_Ooh_. God, baby. _Go_."

"Really?" He stilled inside her, well aware of how amazing she felt wrapped bare around him. "Are you sure?"

"_Go_ baby," she breathed, swiveling her hips in an attempt to get him to move. "I _need_ this."

Too amazed and aroused to press the point, he replaced her leg back on top of his bent one, kissing her deeply as she rocked against him. Intending to prolong the feeling, he let his tongue explore the crevices of her mouth.

"No, baby _now_," she whimpered, pulling her face from his. She leaned back on an elbow, opening herself up to him as she played with her breasts, her hips moving restlessly against him. "Oh _God_."

Unable to keep still inside her anymore, he slipped an arm under her other leg, opening her wider as he began to move, Rachel crying out in pleasure with each thrust. "Tell me what you want, Rach," he grunted as he moved inside her.

"Oh fuck, baby, _more_," she cried, moving her leg to his shoulder as his hands supported her. "_More_!"

"_Rachel_!" he groaned, pushing into her as fast as he dared; something she was clearly enjoying judging by the screams and curses flying from her mouth. He continued at his rapid pace, alternating between kissing her face and her breasts until he felt her tightening around him.

"_Oh_! Finn! _B__aby_!" she screamed as she began to hit her peak. "I'm gonna…! _Oh_! Oh _fuck_!"

"_Rachel_! Babe, come for me." He pushed into her just as fast bringing her over the edge and not stopping until she'd gave a final scream, making him tumble after her as he spilled into her.

"My _God_," she panted once she was able to speak. "I've always wanted to do that but…_wow_."

"You enjoyed it?" he murmured, pressing a kiss to her skin before he pulled out of her and grabbed a tissue to clean her.

She waited until he'd tossed it in the garbage can and came back to stand between her legs before answering, pulling his face to hers for a kiss. "_So_ much."

"I'm glad," he mumbled against her lips, his hands resting on either side of her body.

"What about you? Was it better than that Bathroom Skank?" She bit her lip, anxious for his answer.

"Blew her away," he pronounced with a kiss, his hands moving up her sides to cup her breasts.

She beamed, placing her hands around his neck as his thumbs ran softly over her pert nipples. "Really? I mean, I kind of thought it would since you were shaving and not really expecting sex but then I wasn't sure since we're not in public."

"Are you kidding? You left a shower to jump me. That totally beats her," he assured her, lowering his head to suck on the pillow soft skin of her left breast.

"Good," she decided, lifting his head off her chest and giving him another kiss. "In that case, I have something for you."

"Yeah? What's that?" Not willing to have any distance between them, he kissed the corner of her mouth a few times.

"Come with me." She pushed him away from her, hopping down off the counter with a sultry look. Eyes locked on him, she grabbed his flaccid penis, using it to pull him over to the shower and not releasing it until she'd gotten down on her knees in front of him once he'd stepped in. She stared up at him as she worked him back to a hardened state, his groans of satisfaction spurring her on. Just as turned on as he was, she waited until he was rock hard and practically begging before she took him in her mouth and began to move.

"Oh _shit_, baby," he groaned. Amazed that he was getting yet another (fantastic) blow job, he buried his hands in her hair as he watched her move rhythmically over him. Certainly not used to getting them so often, it wasn't long before he was exploding into her mouth and letting her work him back to softness. Panting from sheer pleasure, he stared as she released him and stood back up with a smile.

"You. Are. _Amazing_." He punctuated each word with a kiss, more than ready to pick her up and continue to get dirty in the shower.

"I know." She smiled, running a finger over stomach.

"Come here." He pulled her to him, turning her to press her back against his chest. One long finger reached out to swivel her head towards his for a kiss before he reached down to cup her breasts.

_**Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, C'est soir/Voulez-vous cucher avec moi...**_

"Your...your phone," she moaned, holding onto his thighs, her head dropping back as his hands squeezed her gently.

"It can wait," he breathed, thumbs rubbing over her raised nipples softly.

_**Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, C'est soir/Voulez-vous cucher avec moi...**_

_"_But it's Noah..._oooh_," she breathed as one hand traveled down to rest between her legs.

"He can wait," he repeated, biting her earlobe. "Someone's always calling us when we're in here and I'm taking a stand."

_**Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, C'est soir/Voulez-vous cucher avec moi...**_

"Finn, no," she insisted, the fact that his hands had temporarily left her body to reach for the soap breaking the haze of lust around her. Taking a step away from him, she climbed out and reached for his penis again. "Come."

"Babe, you're totally using that wrong. It's not a leash," he commented, as he climbed out of the shower, the grip she had on his penis forcing him to follow her out of the bathroom. Enjoying the view of her ass, he let her lead him over to the night stand and his ringing phone.

"Here," she announced, handing him his cell phone and releasing him. "Have fun."

"Where are you going?" he asked, accepting the kiss she was currently offering.

"Back to the shower." She smiled over her shoulder as she sauntered away.

"I'm coming." He took a step towards her, figuring he could get rid of Puck and hop back in to pick up where they'd left off.

"No, I'm going to desex." She paused at the door, glancing at the ringing cell phone in his hand. "You better answer that."

He sighed, turning his attention to the ringing phone once the bathroom door shut and the clicking of a lock was heard. "Hello?"

_"About fucking time you answered. You too busy playing Mah Jong with your aunt?"_

"Actually no," he snapped, grabbing his boxers and yanking them on. "I'm busy having sex and a lot of it."

_"That must make it awkward when Carole comes to tuck you in."_

"Shut up. I'm serious," he boasted in a low voice so Rachel wouldn't hear as he settled on the bed. "We've gone at it everywhere, dude."

_"She seemed uptight for someone who wears V-string, even if she's only wearing them because of Santana."_

"Yeah, well your theory is true," he blurted out in an attempt to defend Rachel. "I actually ripped them getting them off her."

_"No shit? Granny Panties likes it from behind?"_

"Don't call her that," he snapped. "But yes, she does."

_"About time you finally admit you've been banging this girl. She that good?"_

"She's a sex goddess," Finn boasted. "She wants it all the time."

_"No way Granny Panties is like that."_

"We just fucked on the bathroom counter. She jumped me while I was shaving," he replied, trying to sound nonchalant. "Actually you just interrupted some shower oral."

_"What's with you and bathrooms?"_

"Shut up. I'm serious. I even woke up to her riding me, dude," he answered, unable to keep the smugness out of her voice.

_"Seriously? I hope you did me proud and didn't blow your load immediately."_

"You're an ass. I don't know why I bother telling you this stuff," he snapped, his ears picking up on the fact that the water was no longer running.

_"Because it's so rare that you need to brag."_

"Is there a reason you called?" He craned his head off the bed, wondering if he could get a glimpse of a wet and naked Rachel coming out of the shower through the keyhole.

_"Artie and I are having a Halo tournament. Log on, bro. We can totally tag team him."_

"I can't. Aunt Bernie doesn't know what an X-box is, so forget having one," he replied, his eyes fixed on the bathroom door and what he imagined was going on on the other side of it.

_"No X-box? No wonder you're finally having a lot of sex. Carole must want to scratch her eyes out."_

"Would you shut up?" he cried as Rachel emerged from the bathroom, wearing nothing but his dress shirt, a few buttons of which were closed. "You're such an ass."

"Is that Noah?" she asked, climbing onto the bed and settling between his legs so that her head was resting at the junction of his torso and thigh, much like when Burt had knocked on their door to talk about the hot water heater. She smiled up at him, her hand resting above her head and the shirt riding up her thighs.

"Yeah." He smiled back, his free hand playing with her fingers.

_"I hear Granny. Put her on."_

"Stop calling her that," Finn retorted through gritted teeth, making Rachel look up at him with interest.

"What's he saying?" she asked suspiciously, sitting up between his legs.

"He wants to talk to you." He held the phone out, admiring the way his shirt looked on her and tempted to unbutton it to make it look even better.

"Is he going to ask about something crude?" She accepted the phone, settling between his legs so that she was facing him, her legs on either side of his torso.

He ran his hands over her knees. "Probably."

She sighed. "Hello?"

_"S'up Granny Panties?"_

Rachel glared through the phone, making Finn laugh. "I _told_ you I don't wear those, Noah."

_"Yeah, I've heard you've been going commando since the snow started. This true?"_

"It's none of your business, Noah," she snapped, calming immediately as Finn's hands began rubbing her thighs softly.

_"So you're not going commando? He didn't rip your drawers?"_

"Well he did do that," she admitted, cupping his face and running her thumb over his cheek. "He was quite eager."

_"It's been a while for him. He must still be shocked he has a real girl and not a blow up doll."_

"Honestly, Noah. Why do you always make fun of him?" she chided, letting Finn push her back so that she was lying flat on the bed. He moved his legs behind him and settled between hers, hovering over her. A smile appeared on her face when she felt the kisses he was pressing against her jaw, automatically tilting her head slightly.

_"Because it's so easy."_

_"_Knock it off." She bit her lip as Finn's mouth ghosted over her collarbone and began sucking on her shoulder, his hands unbuttoning her shirt and pushing it away from her body. Completely naked before him, she reached for his boxers, cupping him with one hand for a moment before she moved to the waistband and pushed it down as far as she could.

_"You and Carole battle it out over who gets to read him his bedtime story?" _

"I'm serious, Noah," she chided, the fact that he'd kissed his way down to her breasts beginning to distract her. She writhed, arching her back as his lips closed around a nipple.

_"So am I. No way in hell she's giving up tub time, but she might be willing to give up that."_

"Real mature, Noah," she breathed, the scattered kisses he was pressing against her chest causing her to lose coherence as he moved lower. Her legs raised automatically, her feet resting on his shoulders as he pressed his lips to her core.

_"I'm just saying, you've been banging the shit out of him. Carole can't be happy."_

"I have n-..._oh_...I..." She bit her lip to keep from moaning as his tongue ran wild over her skin only stopping to suck and nip at her sensitive flesh.

He looked up, a long arm reaching up to grab the phone from her, his fingers ghosting over the screen to end the call before he tossed the phone on the bed. Satisfied he had her undivided attention, he swirled his tongue, earning a whimper from her.

"Oh _God,_" she moaned as he slipped a finger inside, her hands buried in his hair. "Oh baby, _there._"

He smirked against her core, stepping up his movements to make her go crazy under him, his name falling in euphoric waves from her lips. Not happy until he had her writhing and begging also, he continued working her into a frenzy until she gave a final scream and rode out her orgasm against his face.

"I...you...lips...your lips," she panted once she was able to speak again. "I want...up here."

He grinned, intending to kiss his way back up her body but only managing to kiss her stomach before she yanked him up by his hair, her lips attaching to his furiously. She wrapped a leg around him, her hand snaking between them to cup him for a moment before she began stroking him.

"Hold on, babe," he mumbled against her lips. He separated just long enough to push the boxers at his knees down enough to kick them off, immediately returning his lips to hers. "There."

"No talking." She immediately cupped him again as they kissed but only managed to stroke once before a knock on the door sounded.

_"Finn!"_

"Ignore it. He'll go away," he murmured between kisses.

_"Finn! I know you're in there."_

Rachel sighed, unwrapping her leg from around him and placing another kiss against his lips. "I don't think Burt's leaving."

"He will." He moved his lips to her jaw, placing repeated kisses against one spot. "I promise."

"Finn, no." She pushed him off her, sitting up to button her shirt.

"Ignore it. I am." He reached out, unbuttoning the button she'd just closed and ignoring the knocking on the door.

"Coming Burt!" Rachel called back, rebuttoning her shirt and climbing off the bed. "Go answer the door. I'm going to finish getting dressed."

"Uh, problem." He gestured down to the growing arousal at his groin.

"Fine." She rolled her eyes, hastily buttoning up the rest of her shirt as she walked over to the door. "Are you ready?"

"Almost." He climbed under the blankets, arranging them to hide his hard on. "Ok."

She gave herself a final once over before opening the door. "Good morning, Burt!"

"Morning Rachel." He followed her into the room, watching as she carefully settled on to the bed next to Finn and pulled the blankets over her.

"What can we do for you, Burt?" she asked sweetly, weaving her arm through Finn's and resting her head on his shoulder.

"Ah...well..." He adjusted the baseball cap on his head nervously. "A lot actually."

"Well anything we can do to help, just name it," she replied cheerfully.

"Stop having sex," he blurted out.

Rachel gasped, gripping Finn's arm. "Ex..excuse me?"

Beside her, a just as pale Finn glanced down at her hand before looking up at his step-father. "Huh?"

"Stop having sex," Burt repeated, once again adjusting his cap. "I've been nominated to talk to you two."

"What are you talking about?" Finn demanded as Rachel turned and hid her face from Burt on his shoulder.

"Look. You're in a new relationship and you can't get enough of each other. I get that," he began. "I've been there. When I first started dating your mom, we had you and Kurt so we had to be pretty inventive about where we had-"

"Burt, I'm begging you, do not finish that sentence," Finn cut in, his tone pleading.

"Fine. You don't want to know about my sex life, I don't want to know about yours," he warned.

"We're not doing anything!" Finn lied, hoping the box of condoms wasn't in view but realizing too late that his boxers were on full display at the end of the bed.

"Right. And I have a full head of hair for Kurt to style. Next you'll be telling me you both have underwear on under that blanket." Burt adjusted his hat, taking their silence to assume he was correct. "I thought so."

"Burt-"

"I didn't say anything about it yesterday but you two are getting a little out of control now," Burt continued. "I don't care about what you do in your bedroom as long as I don't have to hear it but don't think I don't know what was going down in Bernadette's movie room."

"That was you?" Finn stared, horrified but also slightly annoyed that he'd cockblocked him (even if he had gotten sex fifteen minutes later).

"Unfortunately. I was also treated to the show last night when I got up for a midnight snack," he commented dryly. "As were Rory and Seamus."

"You heard?" Rachel moaned, not even bothering to deny it.

_"Of course he fucking heard. You two are louder than a rhino stampede. You hear what went down just now, Burt?"_

"I did." Burt shifted uncomfortably, adjusting his hat.

_"Noah!"_ Rachel shrieked, her face growing scarlet from the combination of Burt's lecture and the fact that Finn obviously hadn't hung up the phone before but instead had somehow put it on speaker.

_"You chew the carpet, Hudson? Does it match the drapes?"_

"Shit!" Finn lunged for the cell phone at the foot of the bed, grabbing the phone and hanging up very firmly.

"Look, all I'm saying is keep a lid on the libido till you get back to your own apartment," Burt warned. "You're lucky it's me talking to you and not your mother. You really want to have this conversation with her?"

"You told Mom?" Finn cried while Rachel moaned, throwing her arms around Finn's neck and burying her face in his neck from embarrassment.

"You really think she doesn't have a clue?" Burt replied, doing yet another hat adjustment. "Who do you think sent me up here?"

Finn turned scarlet, trying to adjust the death grip Rachel had around his neck, the words _whore_ and _hate_ floating up to his ears. "Seriously?"

"How could she not the way you two have been carrying on?" Burt clarified, pointing his finger in warning. "We made a deal when you and Kurt turned 15. If it's Kurt sexing up the house, she talks to him. But it's not. It's _you_ which means it's all me. So I'm going to give you the same advice I gave you when you were sixteen and I caught you with that Playboy. _Keep it in your pants_."

Rachel moaned again, to mortified to speak as a just as embarassed Finn ran a hand over her back reassuringly. "Are you done? You're embarrassing Rachel."

"Sorry to embarrass you Rachel, but hopefully we won't have to talk about this again," Burt offered, stepping back towards the door. "I actually did come here for another reason though."

"What's that?" Finn asked suspiciously. "I'm not fixing another water heater. It's Kurt's turn."

"It's not that." He put his hand on the doorknob. "Get your naked ass outside. It's shovel time."

Finn sighed. "Again?"

He gave a stern look. "Yes. I hate to interrupt your sex marathon but I'd imagine parts of you could use a break."

"_Burt_!" Finn cried.

"Oh my _God!" _Rachel moaned, unwrapping her arms from around his neck to dive under the covers and pull them over her head in an attempt to hide from Burt and any further humiliation.

"I better see your ass -clothed- down in the driveway in twenty minutes. The snow stopped overnight." He gave the bed one last look as he opened the door. "And fix that wall. I can see the damage from here."

Finn closed his eyes, the muffled wail coming from under the blankets only adding to the awkwardness of the moment. He waited until he heard the sound of the door closing before he opened his eyes, running his hand over the blanket covered lump next to him. "You can come out now."

_"Never. I'm never coming out."_

"That's what you said last time you hid under blankets," he teased.

_"I mean it this time."_

"You do not." He ran his hand over the lump reassuringly.

_"I do! I swear!"_

"Then I'm coming in." He burrowed under the covers next to her, pulling the blankets so that it created a tent over them. "Hi."

"How can you be so calm at a time like this?" she demanded, pulling her knees up to her chest. "Your _father_ just admitted he's heard us having sex. I don't care about Noah hearing, but your father's a different story."

"You heard Burt. He's caught me before." He reached over, rubbing her bare ass under her shirt. "At least this time I had a girl with me."

"Your mom is going to hate me."

"She won't," he predicted, his hand running casually against her soft skin. "She thinks you're the cutest thing ever. She told me."

"That was before I defiled you," she insisted. "Moms hate me. They do."

"They don't." He pulled her closer to him, moving her legs to scissor between his. "And for the record, I was defiled long before you."

"The Bathroom Skank?"

"Nope." He arranged her leg over his hip, rubbing her ass softly. "A bitchy cheerleader convinced me to let her take my virginity because she claimed I was the only virgin on the football team and also the only guy on the offense she hadn't slept with."

"And you did it?" Her eyes were wide as she awaited his answer.

"I was 17. I would've had sex with an angry bear if it offered." He grinned. "What about you?"

"Senior year of high school after the prom. Santana was scandalized that I was a senior and still a virgin," she admitted, putting a hand on his neck. "She claims I'm the only virgin to ever park at Hickey Hollow and _leave_ a virgin."

He laughed. "Hickey Hollow?"

"Lima's local make out spot," she explained, moving her hand to cup his face. "Santana was a frequent visitor."

"Yeah? You read that in _The Lima Ledger_?" he teased. "Or do you know that because you were a frequent visitor too?"

"Funny." She rubbed his cheek softly. "And no, I was not a frequent visitor."

"So you walking on the wild side now to make up for it?" He arched an eyebrow at her. "You've got some moves in bed."

She blushed. "I've always been adventurous."

"I see." He grinned, sensing she was starting to feel better. "That blow job class you took really paid off, too."

"It wasn't a class!" she huffed. "Santana simply did a quick demonstration."

"Well you're really good at it." He gave her ass a squeeze. "Forget Superman good. You're like Justice League good."

"Can you tell her that? She'll never believe it." She giggled. "She'll be impressed with our positions and locations though."

"Yeah, I kinda thought we were caught in the movie room," Finn admitted. "And the laundry room."

"Me too." She hesitated, her thumb running over his cheek. "But it kind of turned me on more."

"Yeah?" He grinned, pulling her hand off his face to kiss her inner wrist. "That mean you want to have sex in public?"

"I do have to wear my G-String since you ripped my other pair..." she ventured, a mischievious grin on her face. "So I guess it's required according to Noah's theory."

"It really is," he agreed, his fingers running over her back lightly. "In fact, I think-"

_"Five minutes, Finn!"_

Finn sighed, unable to ignore Burt's knocking and warning. Rachel rubbed his face once more before she pushed back the covers and climbed out of bed. He turned onto his side, watching her rummage through her suitcase and making no move to get dressed. "What are you looking for?"

"My travel sewing kit." She stood up, holding a small plastic box in one hand. Smiling, she climbed onto the bed, settling in between his legs. "I always travel with one."

"And what would you be sewing?" His hands slipped between her thighs, making her legs open wide.

"The panties you ripped." She giggled as he placed a few kisses against her neck.

"Why? You fix those and we'll have to do it from behind and not in public," he murmured against her skin.

"We can do both," she insisted, turning her head for a kiss. She let his tongue slip into her mouth and explore for a moment before she pulled away. "There. You need to go now."

"No I don't." He pressed a kiss against her lips.

"You do." She pushed him lightly. "I need to sew so you need to go."

"Or Burt's going to know?" he quipped, adding to her rhyme.

"Exactly." She pushed him again and climbed off the bed, reaching for the clothes she'd arrived in. "Now go."

_"Finn! You have three minutes!"_

He sighed once more, slowly climbing off the bed. "You going to be ok alone?"

"I'll be fine." She pulled on her panties, followed by her jeans before she let his dress shirt drop to the floor. "You're leaving me to face everyone alone, but I'll manage."

"They won't say anything to you," he promised, pulling on his boxers and jeans, his eyes glued to her as she slid her bra in place and hooked it.

"Well it's not like I regret it, but it's still embarrassing." She pulled her remaining clothes on, watching him do the same before she grabbed her cell phone. "I feel like Santana with all the sex I've had."

"Is that a bad thing?" He sat on the bed to pull his shoes and socks on.

"When it comes to sex, nope." She climbed onto his lap. "In fact, she would be upset if we didn't continue."

"She would, huh?" He grinned, his hands slipping around her waist.

"I'd hate to disappoint her." She nodded firmly.

"So I guess that means we have to keep going then when I come back." He pressed a kiss to her lips.

"I guess so," she mumbled into the kiss. "Otherwise Santana would kick our asses."

"She does carry razors in her hair," he agreed, placing another kiss to her lips.

"_Finn_!"

She pressed her lips to his firmly. "Don't take too long. I'll be waiting."

"Yeah? You gonna text me to keep me from killing Kurt or Jesse?" He stood, holding her close to him in his arms and began walking towards the door.

"Maybe. If I feel like it." She giggled at his expression. "I might want to text Cornelius instead."

"He'd never answer a text from a _girl_," Finn replied with a grin as Rachel reached from his arms to open the door. "But I do, so you might as well text me."

"Fine. I guess I'll text you," she huffed, allowing him to carry her out the door. "I mean, if I have to."

"You have to." He gave her a final kiss before she slid down his body and followed him down the stairs.

"About time, Finn." Kurt snapped, already dressed in a winter coat. "Rory's already started digging out from the door."

"I can help," Rachel offered, reaching for her coat.

"And have Finn distracted every time you bend over?" Kurt asked sarcastically. "Thanks but no thanks."

"He won't be distracted," Rachel insisted, slipping one arm in her coat.

"Actually, he's right," Finn admitted as he put his own coat on. "You bend over to shovel snow and I'll probably forget my name."

She giggled. "In that case, I'll stay here."

"You probably need to get started fixing that wall," Kurt quipped, sarcasm attached to every word. "How big is that hole?"

Rachel flushed as Finn grabbed Kurt by his collar and pushed him towards the door. Satisfied that Kurt wasn't going to say anything more, he leaned over for a kiss from Rachel. "I'll be back soon, baby."

"I'll text you." She kissed him back, holding up her cell phone for him to see.

"He'll be way to busy to text," Kurt griped, opening the front door to see the snow piled waist high against it. "Rory's working from the back door and Finn needs to clear a small space before I can start shoveling so I don't ruin my shoes."

"In that case, I'm going to go grab something to eat," Rachel replied, giving him one more kiss. "Have fun, baby."

She gave a final wave and headed into the kitchen surprised to see Bernadette, Howard, Carole, Burt and Sugar all around the table. Slightly embarrassed, she stood awkwardly in the door for a second until Carole smiled and gestured her over to the table. Relieved that they all seemed to be determined to act normal and not planning on bringing up their sexcapades, she sat down, accepting a plate and a smile from Carole.

Sugar evidently hadn't gotten the memo, since she turned on Rachel immediately. "You scream like a banshee. It's hurting my ears."

Rachel turned scarlet and focused on scooping fruit out of the bowl onto her plate, too embarrassed to say anything.

"I've heard that lesbians scream like that. Are you a lesbian?" Sugar questioned, enjoying Rachel's embarrassment.

Rachel's head snapped up. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. First of all, a scream can't be assigned to an orientation and second of all, if I was a lesbian, I wouldn't be screaming like that with a_ man_." Her rant complete, she returned her gaze to her fruit, still too embarrassed to look at anyone else.

"So you're Bi?" Sugar retorted. "I don't think that's fair to Fifi. He deserves a woman who only wants him."

"And he has one. Me." She glared at Sugar. "I am not bisexual."

"Are you sure? I heard about the wall banging and lesbians are usually super strong. But being a lesbian you probably know all about construction and home repair so I imagine you'll be able to fix the wall easily."

Rachel dropped her fork in humiliation, taking a moment to gather herself before she responded. "Where do you come up with these ridiculous stereotypes?"

"So Rachel, have you heard from your producer yet? Finn says you've been waiting," Carole cut in, in a deliberate change of subject.

Relieved, she held up her phone. "Not yet. I've been carrying it around though just in case."

"Desperate," Sugar singsonged.

"You know what? I'm not hungry. I think I'll go wait for _my boyfriend_ in our room." She stood up, determined to get away from Sugar. Head held high, she marched out of the kitchen just as her cell phone started playing _I Wanna Sex You Up_. Already knowing who that was and not interested in answering it, she pressed ignore and began absentmindedly humming the _Baywatch_ theme song as she walked to their room.

She paused by a window seat in the hall, noticing Finn and Kurt down below hard at work. Giggling when she saw Finn throw a shovelful of snow at Kurt, she pulled out her phone and sent a text.

**_Stop throwing snow at Kurt and start building that kickass snow fort you promised me._**

She giggled again when she saw him pull his phone out and read her text, his head whipping up to look at the house for a moment before he sent a reply back. Anxious to see what he said, she settled onto the window seat, her head resting on the pane.

**_All part of the process babe. You doing ok in there?_**

She bit her lip. If being called a lesbian and getting humiliated in front of his mom was ok, then yes, she was fine. Wanting to handle Sugar herself, she filled him in on only one aspect of her run in.

**_I'm fine. Sugar told everyone about the wall though. How'd she even know?_**

Secretly, she's actually proud of the fact that they ruined the wall. She'd never actually had crazy sex like that to the point where there's physical damage, but she definitely liked it. Although now that she thought about it, compared to some of the other stuff they'd done since, sex in a bed was lame.

**_Kurt must've told her. And for that, he must pay._**

She laughed as she watched Finn dump another large pile of snow on Kurt, who promptly screamed. Her head still on the pane, she continued to watch Finn outside, all the while ignoring the fact that _I Wanna Sex You Up_ played twice more on her phone.

* * *

><p>"God, I hate snow," Kurt grumbled, tossing yet another shovelful of snow onto the side of the driveway. "It's official. I'm moving to Aruba."<p>

"Shut up and shovel so I can do this," Finn griped, purposely aiming the snowblower in such a way that it sprayed Kurt, making him look like a designer snowman. "You bitching is only making it take longer. We're almost done."

"Yes, I'm sure you have sex to get back to," Kurt shot back, wiping snow off his face. "I can't believe your penis hasn't fallen off yet."

"Nope, still attached," he replied smugly, giving Kurt another shot from the snow blower. "You're just jealous. How long has it been for you?"

"None of your business," he snapped, once again wiping snow off his face. "And stop that!"

"Jesse's all the way in the yard clearing a path, so you're it," he replied, shooting him once more before he resumed clearing the driveway. "And we haven't had _that_ much sex."

Kurt stopped shoveling in surprise. "You're kidding me right?"

"What? It's mostly head." He grinned. "She seems to really like doing it. And she's damn good at it. She-"

"Ew. I did _not_ need to know that." He tossed another shovel of snow, trying to banish the mental images.

"Jealous," Finn singsonged as he pushed the snowblower.

Kurt's response came in the form of a snowball aimed at Finn's head with surprising accuracy.

Not at all bothered since he'd just received a text, he wiped the snow off his face and read.

**_Come upstairs when you're done. Alone._**

Whoa. His interest piqued and mind running wild at what that might mean, he practically raced through the remainder of the snow, more than anxious to find out what Rachel was up to. The moment the last bit of the driveway was cleared, he raced up the stairs and to their room, only to find the bedroom empty. "Rach?"

"In here."

The singsong tone to her voice raised his curiosity level even more and he pushed open the half closed bathroom door, his mouth dropping open at what he found.

Rachel, her hair piled on her head, was lounging shoulder deep in a bubble bath, a glass of champagne in her hand. She smiled at him, gesturing to the tub with her free hand. "You must be sore. I think you should join me."

"Yeah. Yeah I am." His voice was muffled since he was already pulling his sweater and T-shirt over his head, tossing them to the floor in his haste to get at his pants. The fact that Rachel was stretching her legs in the air wasn't helping and he almost fell trying to get his pants off as he watched her.

"About time. I've been waiting for you," she announced as he slid into the water across from her, his long legs immediately surrounding her on either side. She held out a glass of champagne to him, her feet coming out of the water to rest on his chest.

He accepted the champagne with a quirk of his eyebrow. "Where'd you get this?"

"It was left over from the party. Aunt Bernadette gave me four bottles to take home," she replied, taking a sip. "I figured you'd want to relax after shoveling."

"I do." He brought the glass up to his lips, his eyes watching her over the rim.

"You look adorable in bubbles." She ran her hand over his bubble covered knee. "I think-"

"_Fifi_!"

He groaned at the voice, cursing the fact that he hadn't locked the door and praying she didn't come in the bathroom. His prayers went unanswered since Sugar appeared in the doorway two seconds later.

"There you are!" She marched into the bathroom and came to a stop next to the tub, pointedly ignoring Rachel. "I just spoke to Daddy, Fifi."

"So? Get the hell out!" he cried, unable to move without exposing himself or Rachel, who'd remained immersed in the bubbles, calmly sipping her Champagne. Carefully, he did a bubble adjustment, making sure they were both sufficiently covered.

"Don't you want to hear my news?" she asked, a hand on her hip.

"Not really." He leaned forward, yanking the shower curtain closed. "I'm more interested in you getting out."

"Very funny, Fifi." She pulled the curtain back open. "Now, as I was saying-"

"Is this going to be quick? Because Finn and I would like to be _alone_," Rachel cut in, her fingers walking up Finn's bent leg. "If you catch my drift."

"Like I was saying, I spoke to Daddy just now," Sugar continued, still ignoring Rachel.

"And like _I_ was saying, I still don't care," Finn replied, his hands rubbing the feet still resting on his chest.

"Hysterical Fifi. Should you be touching her feet like that?" She stared at the movement of his hands. "I mean, who knows who does her pedicures? She probably goes to some chain salon where they do pedicure after pedicure in dirty water. Or worse, does it herself."

"I think her feet are awesome." He lifted a foot, hoping to calm a visibly annoyed Rachel by placing kisses against her ankle. "And she doesn't even have a salon in her house."

Sugar shuddered at the thought. "I can't even imagine that. How sad."

He placed another kiss to her ankle before replacing it on his chest. "What's sad is that you're still cockblocking me. Why are you still here?"

"Daddy has informed me that the roads will be opening late this afternoon," Sugar reported importantly. "The moment that they do, Daddy will be sending the Range Rover for me."

"So we get rid of you? Lucky us," Finn commented. "Why don't you take Jesse home with you?"

"Ew. Like I'd bring a show choir director home." She wrinkled her nose at the thought. "Daddy would be _horrified_. It's almost as bad as an _unknown actor_."

Annoyed at the veiled insult to her and determined to get back at her for breakfast, Rachel sat up and maneuvered herself in the tub. Forgoing modesty since Sugar had seen her breasts when she'd caught them making out, she straddled Finn and smirked when she saw his eyes fixated on her chest dripping with bubbles. She glared at Sugar over her shoulder before wrapping her arms around Finn's head and kissing him deeply, enjoying the sounds of indignation coming from outside the tub. Satisfied that she'd shown Sugar, she pulled back from him, twisting around to settle between his legs and letting her head rest on his shoulder.

"Ew. I can see her freakishly different sized boobs again," Sugar observed. "Too bad she can't afford Dr. Anderson. He could easily make _both_ her boobs an A cup."

"I feel no need to see Dr. Anderson," Rachel retorted, loving the feel of Finn kissing her neck. "Especially since Finn loves my breasts. He can't keep his mouth off them, right baby?"

"Fuck yeah," he murmured, moving his hands to cover her breasts with bubbles and massaging softly under the bubbles.

"Again, ew." She rolled her eyes at the scene in front of her. "Honestly, Fifi. She seems like a girl for Puck."

"Excuse me?" Rachel demanded, sitting up slightly only to have Finn pull her back against him.

He pressed a kiss to her temple. "I'm sorry. Is there a reason you're here?"

"Daddy has graciously offered to have Antonio drive _you_ home," Sugar replied, her words directed at Finn only. "Well, you and Kurt of course, but he's going with Carole and Burt."

"And I'm going with Rachel, so thanks, but no thanks." He turned his attention back to Rachel, kissing along her jaw.

"Don't be stupid, Fifi," Sugar snapped. "The trains won't be running for days."

"Are you still here?" he asked, pausing his kissing to look up at her.

"Of course I am." She crossed her arms in annoyance. "You really should be packing up so we can leave the second Antonio gets here with the Range Rover."

"And you really need to _get out_," Finn stressed, yanking the curtain closed again.

"Fine. I'll see you down by the car. Don't make me wait."

He waited until he'd heard her stomp out of the bathroom before he spoke. "God she's annoying."

Rachel sat up and turned to face him. "The roads are opening."

"So?" He ran a thumb over her cheek.

"So that means we go home. Back to our lives," she stated quietly. She settled back against him, a frown on her face. "And our snowed in weekend is over."

He wrapped his arms around her, the words not lost on him. "The roads haven't opened yet, you know. Our weekend's not over."

She grinned. "So you're saying we have time to go have sex in a car?"

"We do." He pressed a kiss to her temple.

"Good." She stood up, knowing without even looking that he was following her movements as she got out of the tub and wrapped a towel around herself.

"Where are you going?" he asked, frowning as she moved to the doorway.

"Come on, Finn. We have a lot of sex to have and not a lot of time to do it," she called over her shoulder.

He stood up, determined to follow her and make the most of their time together.

The little bit remaining, that is.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Are you home yet?<em>**

His text sent, Finn sighed, glancing around his empty bedroom as he threw his bag on the ground. Unfortunately, he too was home which meant his sexapolooza was over.

And it sucked.

They'd managed to avoid going home with Sugar by means of blackmailing Kurt. He'd resisted at first, only relenting when Finn made a vague allusion to the Richard Simmons exercise tapes in front of Rachel and Seamus. His sudden agreement to switch meant they were going home with Burt and his mom which would have been awesome except they'd insisted on dropping him off at his apartment in Manhattan before they dropped Rachel off in Queens since she was on the way to their house. He'd protested, but Rachel had been surprisingly in favor of this plan for reasons unclear to him. Thanks to Manhattan traffic, she'd been unable to get out of the car with him once they'd reached his building which meant that they'd kissed goodbye in the car.

Truthfully, he didn't totally mind that, since it meant that they still had to kiss as if they were really dating. He'd almost forgotten his parents were there, slipping his tongue into Rachel's mouth and kissing feverishly until Burt had _accidentally_ honked his horn.

Despondent, he flopped onto his bed, waiting for Rachel to text back.

**_ I am. I'm just about to take a shower actually. Cornelius just called by the way. He says he unlocked a new level of MarioKart, so log on. He also says he's Donkey Kong, whatever that means._**

While the first part of her text intrigued him, he rolled his eyes at the last part, sorry he'd ever showed Cornelius how he could play against his friends over the Wi-Fi, since apparently, that included him.

**_Oh. I'll log on now. How come you went home? You could have hung out here._**

He'd been kind of pissed she'd gone back to Astoria, secretly hoping for one more night of mind blowing sex. Not even his kisses could persuade her, although he had a feeling if his parents hadn't been there that once he'd gotten her naked he would have been able to change her mind.

**_**_I had to get back to Cosette, who was very happy to see me. I imagine she was subjected to Santana and Brittany's many sexual displays, of which I'm subjected to on a regular basis._**_**

His eyebrows shot up at her words. She should really know better than to set him up like that. Grinning, he sent his response back.

**_You watch? Perv._**

He could practically hear gasping from Astoria as she read his text.

**_I am not a perv. I've just seen it so many times that I barely notice what they're doing anymore._**

Whoa. Puck would kill him if he didn't ask for details. Images of the girls swirling in his head, he typed out a text.

**_So you do watch then...you join?_**

Given the way she'd been shocking the hell out of him this weekend, he wouldn't be surprised if she had**. **

**_Sorry to disappoint you, but I do not._**

Damn. Slightly disappointed, he typed back his answer.

**_Too bad. That'd be hot._**

Only half kidding, he closed his eyes, enjoying the images flashing behind his lids while he waited for Rachel to answer.

**_Thats what Santana says. She says any guy would pay to see us make-out._**

"She's fucking right," he muttered, already knowing he'd pay big bucks to see that and beyond confident that Puck would too.

**_I would. Especially if you were naked._**

The idea was making him aroused and he focused on keeping himself calm as he awaited her answer.

**_Who's a Perv now?_**

If wanting to see Rachel naked made him a pervert, then he'd gladly wear the title proudly.

**_ANY guy would say the same. Well, except Kurt. _**

Kurt was totally lucky, he thought bitterly. He knew for a fact that Kurt frequently went shopping with his girl friends and they often changed in front of him, something Kurt failed to appreciate.

**_I had a good time this weekend._**

He grinned, typing quickly. Good didn't even begin to describe it. Fucking incredible _maybe_, but not good.

**_Me too. You're a fun person to be snowed in with. ;)_**

True, her main competition was Kurt, but still. Sexapolooza with Rachel was a hell of a lot better than board games with Kurt.

**_Cornelius wants to know why you're not logged on yet. He says I can play but only if I'm Baby Mario._**

He rolled his eyes as he got up and headed out into the large living room. Technically, this was Aunt Bernadette's apartment, but being her favorite definitely had its advantages since she sub-let the apartment to him at an awesome price and even moved her furniture out so he could move his in, which meant her elegant living room became video game central. He pulled the Wii out and hooked it up, only using it when Cornelius demanded he play. Grabbing the wiimote and steering wheel, he flopped onto the couch, prepared to kick Cornelius' ass after he texted Rachel back.

**_I'm logging on now, tell him to relax._**

He turned the system and TV on, not particularly in the mood to play, but knowing it would be worse if he didn't. Rachel's text came just as the opening credits started playing.

**_Is Baby Mario a good character? Is that who you are?_**

He snorted, highly amused by Rachel's naïveté as he typed.

**_You think he'd give you a good character? Baby Mario is totally lame. I'm usually Donkey Kong, but if he's saying he's Donkey Kong, I guess I'll be Bowser._**

He navigated to Bowser, customizing his car as he waited for Rachel to text back.

**_Oh. Then I'm kind of sorry I sang him The Flintstones song just now._**

Again, he snorted, able to picture all too well how that phone call had gone.

**_You gonna play?_**

Cornelius was already on and ready to play, challenging him almost immediately. He raced, easily taking Cornelius out with a few well placed bananas while he waited for Rachel to answer.

**_As I do not own the game, no._**

She went quiet then, allowing him to lose the next two races to Cornelius, which he blamed on the combination of not using his usual Donkey Kong character and car, Rachel not texting as well as the fact that Cornelius had somehow gotten hold of some Mega Mushrooms and turtle shells which he'd aimed at Finn.

A knock on the door interrupted his fourth race and not about to lose the first place position he had, he ignored it since anyone he knew well would just come in. The incessant knocking continued and only once he'd crossed the finish line ahead of Cornelius did he get off the couch to answer it.

"Alright, I'm coming!" he called out, annoyed as he reached the door. His annoyance immediately changed to surprise once the source of the knocking was revealed. "Rachel?"

She smiled, jumping into his arms and kissing him firmly.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what are you doing here?" he murmured between kisses.

She pulled away from him slightly, her eyes bright as she smiled coyly, running a thumb over his cheek.

"Baby?" he prompted, hands running over her ass under her coat.

Her grin grew even more before she finally spoke. "My hot water thing broke."

He had the door closed and her pressed against it before she could even take her scarf off, kissing her furiously as he pinned her to the door. The door became leverage so he could pull her leggings and panties down to her knees under her coat as she pulled her hat off her head and threw it to the ground. Her hands flew to his pants, unbuckling his belt and popping his pants open before she moved onto the zipper, letting his pants drop to his ankles.

One hand supporting her, he pushed his boxers down as she sucked on his neck, guiding her legs to grip his thighs as he entered her. His movements were fast and frantic, making her cry out as her body reacted. Anxious to get to her breasts, he pressed her against the wall as he moved, hands pawing at her coat and sending buttons flying.

"Oh _God_!" she cried, her release already near. "Finn! I'm..._oh_!"

Panting, Rachel slumped against him as he pushed into her once more to trigger his own release. "Oh, _fuck_, baby!"

Breathing just as hard, he held her close and kissed her repeatedly as his heart rate slowed back to normal. Rachel pulled his face from hers and stared, one hand running through his hair. "You know, your mom mentioned an anniversary party in the car. I should probably go to that, don't you think?"

"Yeah? You going to be my girlfriend again?" He placed a kiss against her neck.

"Well you can't replace me after the Emmy worthy performance I gave at Aunt Bernadette's party," Rachel insisted, tilting her head so he could continue kissing.

"Absolutely not," he agreed, still placing kisses on her neck as he unbuttoned the rest of her coat.

"Which means the contract is still in effect," Rachel breathed.

He picked his head up to look at her, his eyes asking a silent question.

She grinned, reaching down to tug on him once before she nodded firmly.

"Loopholes and all."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Finally home! I have to thank Emily for her "inspiration."**_

_**#FifiSaturday?**_


	17. Act II

**_Disclaimer: Glee is not mine._**

* * *

><p><strong><em>"Throughout your life you will meet one person who is unlike any other. You could talk to this person for hours and never get bored. You could tell them things and they wouldn't judge you. This amazing person is your soul mate and your best friend. Don't ever let them go."<em>**

**_-Unknown_**

* * *

><p><em>"What are you doing?"<em>

"I'm unpacking my suitcase." She smiled, fingering the purple dress she'd worn to Bernadette's party as she laid it on the bed.

_"Oh. You should do what I did. I totally got a hot girl to unpack for me."_

"Did you?" She giggled, pulling out the shoes she'd borrowed from Santana. "I hope you thanked her properly."

_"I think I did. Twice."_

"Really?" She grinned, placing the shoes on the floor. "I heard it was three times."

_"Yeah, she must've liked the way I thanked her. I mean, I definitely liked her way of saying you're welcome."_

_"_Well that would bring the total to five." Her suitcase empty, she placed it back in the closet. "Six if you count the time you're welcome was said orally."

_"Plus the- oh shit. Beiste."_

The click of the phone being hung up reverberated in her ear and she hung up her own phone, slightly upset but knowing he must've seen his boss coming.

Her unpacking done, she turned her attention to the shopping bag on her bed. Carefully, she pulled out two identical red oversized coffee mugs she'd bought on the way home and carried them into her living room, setting them on the coffee table along with her cell phone while she got out her box of craft supplies.

Humming happily to herself, she dug out her bedazzler and box of rhinestones, placing them on the table next to the mugs while she looked through her supply box for her stencils and glue. She'd just located the correct stencils from among her large collection when her phone beeped.

**_I'm bored. Come play with me._**

Giggling, she put her stencils down and typed out a response.

**_Aren't you at work? Go train._**

Eagerly awaiting his answer, she set to work taping a stencil of the letter _R_ onto one of the mugs. His response came as she debated doing an _R_ on both sides or just one, making her immediately forget the debate as she grabbed her phone.

**_I already did that. I'm working the front desk now and there's plenty of room for you..._**

More giggles erupted as her fingers flew over the keys.

**_That would be highly unprofessional, although I'm sure Noah's violated the front desk on multiple occasions._**

Satisfied at her answer, she opened her box of rhinestones and began picking out the best ones while she waited for Finn's sure to be coming text. She'd just begun carefully gluing on the first few rhinestones when his answer arrived.

**_That's why we keep the sanitizer right here. He says it's the ultimate greeting._**

She rolled her eyes, wondering why she was even remotely surprised. A minute passed as she applied gentle pressure to the stones while she mulled over her answer. Deciding to go the coquettish route, she placed the mug down and typed a coy response.

**_Ew. If I was going to have sex at a gym, it wouldn't be there._**

A smirk appeared on her face as she pictured Finn's reaction to that. Knowing he was sure to pounce on her text, she resumed her rhinestone glueing as she planned her future answers.

**_Yeah? Where would it be?_**

Her eyes rolled again at his predictability. Determined to tease him more, she placed several more rhinestones on to finish the curlique of her R before she answered.

**_Wouldn't you like to know?_**

She barely had time to place rhinestones on the base of the R before his answer came flying back.

**_I would. So tell me._**

So. Predictable. Having no intention of telling him, she finished glueing rhinestones on the stem of the R and the upper curve before she picked up her phone and answered.

**_How do I know you really want to know?_**

Happy with her text, she resumed glueing the stones, finishing the last of the R just as her phone beeped. Carefully, she placed it down to let it dry and picked up her phone.

**_I really do. But just in case you don't believe me, here._**

Her eyebrows practically shot off her face and she bit her lip as she stared at the picture of his lap he'd sent to her phone. Even fully clothed, she could easily see the arousal he was sporting and she grinned from excitement at the fact that she'd officially been sexted.

Her grin dimmed slightly as the thought crossed her mind that it wasn't sexting if he was fully clothed. Needing confirmation, she typed out a cheeky response.

**_Is that a sext I see, Mr. Hudson?_**

It better be. But just in case it wasn't she opened the browser on her phone, prepared to do a quick internet search on the rules.

**_Absolutely not since I recall you telling me that you neither send nor receive sexts._**

She raised an eyebrow, surprised he remembered that. Deciding to ignore, she quickly typed back and resumed her internet search.

**_It seems like you're sexting._**

According to Google, Finn's text easily fell under the sexting category. Satisfied, proud and a little turned on, she closed the window and picked up the second of the red mugs, taping a stencil of the letter F to it as she awaited his response.

**_I'm not. I'm simply showing you where you could sit if you were here._**

She giggled as she began to place rhinestones on the mug, carefully contemplating her answer.

**_Oh. I suppose it's just like me showing you what I picked up today._**

Not even hesitating, she pulled off her sweater, positioning the camera of the phone to take a picture of the new plunging lacy bra gracing her chest, the one that the saleswoman assured her was incredibly sexy. Not bothering to put her sweater back on she quickly typed another text.

**_ Do you like?_**

He didn't answer right away, making her grin as she pictured him dropping the phone. Her grin still wide, she pulled her sweater back on and set about gluing more rhinestones on to complete the F.

**_You know I do. Why aren't you here wearing that in the spot you won't tell me about?_**

Happy with his text, she finished the F and set it to dry on the table before she sent a reply back.

**_Perhaps I should tell you. I'd hate for you to be caught unprepared if I came to the gym and not have my spots already sanitized from Noah's debauchery._**

She began to clean up her craft supplies, eagerly awaiting his response. Her phone beeped as she was screwing the cap back on her glue and she dropped the glue in her excitement to see his answer. She grin immediately turned to a frown as she read the text.

**_I'm home from my conference. I'll be stopping by later before work._**

She typed back a quick ok, anxious to get the the incoming message she'd just received.

**_Exactly. So where are they?_**

Her craft supplies successfully put back in the box, she stood with a grin, contemplating her answer as she stood and carried the box and her phone into her room.

**_I'm afraid I can't tell you. That's for me to know and you to find out later, if you're nice to me._**

Her mind whirling with possible gym locations, she eyed the clock, knowing it was almost time for his next client which meant it would be an excellent time to take a shower.

**_I'm always nice to you. Ask The Lima Ledger._**

She rolled her eyes at that, annoyed at him bringing it up again.

**_Jerk. Are you ever going to drop that?_**

Already knowing what his answer would be, she waited expectantly.

**_Nope._**

His answer as expected, she set to work crafting a scathing retort.

**_Fine. I'll just have to make sure I hide my stuffed hippo when you come over. Oh wait. She's not wearing a bra so you probably won't be interested._**

She giggled, imagining his reaction to that as awaited his answer.

**_Ignoring that. I'm going to train Mr. Henry now._**

She giggled yet again at the adorableness of his answer as she sat on her bed and typed.

**_That's perfect since I've decided I'm not talking to you anymore for making that Lima Ledger crack._**

His answer, just as adorable as the others, came back quickly.

**_Uh-huh. Talk to you in an hour._**

Slightly sad that he'd be out of contact for the next hour, she climbed off the bed and stretched, determined to use her Finnless time to clean up and shower. She'd just grabbed her craft box when the sound of her front door opening was heard.

_"Rachel? Where are you?"_

"In here, Ana!" she called back as she put the craft box in the closet.

Santana took one look at Rachel from the doorway and smirked. "You fucked the manny."

"Climbed him like a tree," Rachel announced proudly. She pulled off her shirt, tossing it in the hamper. "You should have seen me, going at it everywhere. I was like...well you."

"Not so bad right?" she asked, watching Rachel unbutton her pants and pull them off. "So where'd you do it?"

"Where _didn't_ we, you mean," Rachel boasted, moving out of the bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom in just her bra and panties. "We made the deal any time, any where, any place."

Santana followed, more than used to bathroom discussions. She settled on her usual perch, watching Rachel remove her makeup for a moment before she spoke. "So what does any time any where any place consist of?"

"Different places. Shower, bathroom counter, dance studio." She shrugged. "It was easier to sneak in oral sex though."

"That's right, you suddenly love it," Santana commented dryly.

"I do," Rachel replied, reaching over to turn on the shower and let it warm up. "You would've been proud."

"Why because you gave him a blow job on the bed?" She arched an eyebrow. "Talk to me when you're doing it in public."

"In that case..." Her tone smug, she reached behind her, unhooking her bra and letting it fall into her hands before she placed it on the counter, her friendship with Santana long past the point of being uncomfortable or embarrassed about changing or being naked in front of each other. "His aunt has a movie theater in her house so I gave him a few blow jobs there. Once while other people were right near us watching the movie."

"You did that?" Santana asked skeptically. "You?"

"Me," she announced proudly, pulling her hair into a messy top knot. "Not only did I do it for him multiple times there, but also in our room, the shower, the basement, and against someone's car in the garage. Oh and in the laundry room. That time we almost got caught."

"Did he at least return the favor?" She swiveled on the toilet seat, watching Rachel reach in to test the water.

"Of course he did." Satisfied with the temperature of the water, she hooked her fingers into her panties and pulled them down, stepping daintily out of them. "If I did it, he did it."

"So the manny was ok with it?" She watched Rachel pick up the panties and put them on the counter next to her bra before she stepped into the shower. Used to this routine, Santana kicked off her nurse's shoes and socks and moved to sit on the ledge of the shower next to the tap just as Rachel pulled the curtain up next to her.

"Some of it was his idea," Rachel replied, looking at her shelf with a frown. "I left my new bottle of bodywash under the cabinet. Can you get it?"

Santana nodded, climbing off the ledge and quickly locating the bottle. "This it? This French stuff?"

Rachel stuck her head around the curtain. "Did you smell it? I love it. Kurt gave it to me."

Santana flipped open the top, inhaling deeply before she passed the bottle off to Rachel. "I need to use that."

"Isn't it amazing?" Rachel accepted the bottle, disappearing back behind the curtain.

"It is." Santana pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it to the ground, her bra following a moment later. Quickly, she pulled down her scrubs, her thumbs hooking her underwear to yank off immediately after. Her clothes in a messy heap on the floor, she slipped into the shower with Rachel. "Move over. Some idiot Resident spilled a full bed pan right near my station and I can still smell it."

"Is that what that smell is?" Completely unfazed by her best friend naked in the shower with her, something that had begun as a time saving device when they'd shared a one bathroom apartment and one or the other was running late for work, Rachel wrinkled her nose and handed Santana the bottle. "Here."

"I could have killed that Resident," she muttered, pouring some body wash in her hand. "It smelt like crap no matter what the janitor did."

"You've had sex in a car right?" Rachel asked suddenly.

"You know I have. You were sitting in the front seat," Santana retorted, grabbing Rachel's spare loofah.

"Don't remind me." She shuddered, remembering all too well the double date she'd had to endure in high school with Santana's boyfriend's gross cousin Neil. Santana had insisted they go to Hickey Hollow, Lima's local make-out spot and had immediately attached her mouth to Karofsky's, advising Rachel to do the same with Neil between kisses. Not about to make-out with a boy she'd met an hour before, Rachel had played with the radio trying to drown out the noises coming from the back seat while sitting in awkward silence with Neil in the front seat. "I can still hear Karofsky's moans."

"You didn't have to listen. You could have had some fun with Neil." She smirked, flicking some soap on the loofah at Rachel.

"He couldn't stop talking about his Star Trek comic book collection," she snapped, grabbing the bottle of body wash back. "Plus, he had a mullet. And I'd only met him an hour earlier."

"So?" She rolled her eyes. "He had a dick. You could have used it."

She glared at Santana. "Anyway. That was a blow job. I meant sex sex."

"Who hasn't?"

"I haven't," she replied honestly. "I always wanted to, though."

"That why you were giving blow jobs against a car?"

"Well we were going to actually get in the car but they were all locked and I was too in the mood to wait for him to go back and get someone's keys." She shrugged, pouring body wash onto her own loofah. "So how is it? Is it worth it?"

"Any sex is worth it, Rachel," Santana corrected, scrubbing vigorously. "And if there's a danger of getting caught? It just makes it that much much intense and makes you come even harder."

"Well that's definitely true," Rachel mused as she ran her loofah over her skin. "You never told me what a turn on having sex in front of other people is."

"I would never have pegged you for an Exhibitionist, Rachel," Santana quipped, pausing her scrubbing.

Rachel shrugged. "I've always secretly been adventurous in bed. I've just never gotten to show it until now."

"I _knew_ the Asian was boring in bed," Santana crowed.

"You have no idea." Rachel rolled her eyes. "Finn enjoys taking me from behind."

"I bet he does." She smirked, watching Rachel run the loofah over her legs.

"What about sex on a table?" Rachel questioned, putting the loofah down and reaching for her facial moisturizer. "Are you both on the table? Or just one of you?"

"Give me some of that." She held out her hand expectantly. "And to answer your question, the manny stands while you're on the table."

"Couldn't I ride him though?" She squirted moisturizer into Santana's palm.

"Not if you want the table to still be standing when you're done." She smirked. "That's a big ass you're dealing with."

"His ass is _amazing_," Rachel gushed. "I told you, I want to bite it."

"We'll if you're both on the table, you'll be pulling splinters out of it from the broken wood," Santana pointed out. "But biting's fun too."

"Oh." She digested this for a moment as she worked the moisturizer onto her face. "That goes for desks too, I suppose? Like a desk at work I mean."

"Yeah." She paused mid-scrub to stare at Rachel. "It's about time you had some fun. You should really try 69 since you suddenly love oral."

"I intend to." She frowned. "As a matter of fact, that's what we were just about to start doing when you called, so I blame you for the fact that I haven't gotten to do it."

Santana rolled her eyes. "Excuse me. Up until the other day you hated it because you were so bad at it."

"I'm not bad at it! For your information, Finn said I was Justice League good at it._ Justice League_," Rachel stressed, her tone proud as she continued to work the moisturizer in.

"Justice League?" Santana stared, one eyebrow arched. "What the hell does that mean?"

"The Justice League is a fictional team of superheroes, made up of Batman, Superman, Flash, Aquaman, Green Lantern and Wonder Woman," Rachel announced, reciting the Wikipedia definition she'd memorized, since like Santana, she had no idea what the Justice League was and wanted to make sure being Justice League good was a good thing. "It's all the best superheroes. How do you not know that?"

"Like you knew that? You totally looked it up on Wikipedia and memorized it," Santana retorted.

"The fact that I'm being compared to superheroes clearly shows how good I am," Rachel announced, ignoring Santana's accusation. "And I'm mad at you by the way. You _never_ told me how amazing sex without a condom is. It feels _incredible_."

"Whoa. You mean to tell me the Asian is still bagging it? _Why_? You're on the pill, aren't you?" Santana cried, shock in every word.

"Of course I'm on the pill. Mike just didn't want to take any chances so we used both," Rachel explained with an eye roll. "I've told him repeatedly that it's unnecessary but he insisted."

"Where is the Asian?" Santana asked. "Out to tea with his parents?"

"No, he was spending the day on a tour of some hospital on Long Island before he goes to work." She stuck her face under the spray for a moment. "He texted before."

"I really can't believe you had all this crazy sex," Santana mused, eyeing the marks all over Rachel's body. "But I guess those hickeys all over your boobs speak for themselves."

"He's a big fan of my breasts," Rachel announced proudly, glancing down at her chest and pointing to one just above her left breast. "This one right here was from the first time but it wasn't the first mark he left on me. That's this one over here."

Santana stared. "You're insane, you know that?"

"What?" She placed a hand on her hip.

"Who does that? Who remembers what hickey they got when?" Santana demanded, staring at Rachel suspiciously. "Wait. You didn't write the order in your journal, did you?"

Rachel remained silent, focused on making sure the cap was on the facial moisturizer bottle correctly.

Santana shook her head. "You're un-"

_"Rachel?"_

Rachel placed a finger to her lips in warning before she called out. "In the shower!"

"What are you doing in there? I told you I'd be dropping by on the way back to the hospital," Mike replied as he made his way into the bathroom.

She peeked her head around the curtain. "I guess I lost track of time. Sorry."

"I told you what time I'd be dropping by " he repeated, pointing to his watch,

Santana's head emerged from the other side of the curtain. "Relax. She'll be out soon."

"You're in there too?" Mike rolled his eyes. "Rachel, it's seriously weird. Grown women don't do this."

"What's weird about it? We've been friends forever and it's no different than a locker room," Rachel insisted. "We've had some really great conversations in here."

"It's still weird." He shook his head. "This is not a normal friend thing."

"We're just talking," Santana retorted. "But we've got room in here if you want to join us. We were just about to start making out."

"This isn't high school gym class. Grow up." He rolled his eyes again.

"What gym class were you in?" Santana retorted.

"Stop teasing him, Santana," Rachel chided from her end of the curtain. "He just doesn't get it."

"What's not to get? My fiancée is naked in a shower with her best friend and thinks there's nothing wrong with that. What if I had come by just now with my parents or the board?" he demanded.

"Why would your parents come in here?" Santana shot back. "That's pretty pervy."

"Shut up Santana. You know what I mean." He gestured to them. "They'd never understand this."

"They don't have to. It's really none of their concern who I shower with," Rachel replied with an eye roll of her own, her tone suddenly cool.

"Especially since you're too uptight to get in here with her," Santana added in Rachel's defense.

He glared at her. "I don't have time to deal with this. The car is waiting."

"Sure you don't want to join us? I'll go down on Rachel," Santana offered mockingly. "You could get some tips."

"_Santana_!" Rachel hissed. "Knock it off!"

"What? Maybe he can use the tips at his next _conference_," she replied causally, her tone loaded with meaning.

"Real classy, Santana." He frowned, ignoring the hand gesture Santana was making with her mouth. "There is something I need to discuss with you though so hurry up and get out."

"Which is what?" She followed his eyes as they lingered on Santana. "Anything you have to tell me you can say in front of Santana. I'm just going to tell her after you leave anyway."

He frowned, hesitating for a moment as he took a deep breath. "Fine. I was going to tell you after I came back but I want to push back our wedding."

Rachel shrugged, ignoring the smirk at the other end of the shower curtain. "Ok."

"You don't mind, do you? There's a conference I have to go to. I mean, we were only going to the courthouse anyway, so I didn't think it would be a big deal," he explained.

Rachel shrugged. "We can get married whenever. It's not a big deal."

"That's what I thought," he agreed. "Although my mom wasn't happy when I told her before."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "I'm sure she was really upset."

"She was," he insisted. "She kept talking about needing to know when the wedding reception could be because she wants to have some judge over for dinner and invite him to the reception. Apparently you know him too?"

"I'm not inviting Poppy to my wedding," Rachel snapped. "He'll probably trip me with his cane as my fathers walk me down the aisle."

"Uh ok but she's petty set on it. She's already contacted a bunch of other judges that he was friendly with to invite also," he replied. "We just have to tell her the new date and she'll plan from there."

"I told you. Poppy's _not_ invited." She frowned, annoyed at the thought. "And if he's invited to dinner, I'm not going."

"Rachel, it's important to my mom. You're the link between him and my mom and you know she's gearing up to make a run for judge soon, so can't you just do this for her?" he pleaded. "It's not like she ever asks anything of you."

Santana snorted. "That's true Rachel. Mama Asian _never_ asks any favors of you."

"Shut up, Ana," Rachel snapped from her end of the curtain.

Mike chose to ignore her, looking back at Rachel. "I'll call Mom and let her know we're all set with the judge but you're sure you're ok with pushing back the wedding? Like you said, we can get married whenever."

"So why don't you get married tomorrow?" Santana asked innocently.

"I'm going on shift now," Mike replied quickly. "Got several surgeries tomorrow before I leave for my conference this weekend."

"Where are you going this time?" Rachel asked, deciding it was best to ignore Santana also.

"Vegas. The Association of Neurology is having it's annual conference there."

"Oh. Don't get kicked out of the casino for card counting." She giggled, remembering how Finn had told her how he'd gotten kicked out of a Vegas casino after Puck had gotten caught trying to card count.

"Card counting is illegal, Rachel," he chastised. "As an upstanding member of the AoN, I would never."

"It's only frowned upon, didn't you see _The Hangover_?" Rachel replied, another giggle escaping her lips. "Oh! Are you staying at Caesar's Palace?"

"I am, why?" he asked, looking from one end of the curtain to the other as Santana also started giggling. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing. Can you do me a favor and ask if the real Caesar lived there?" Rachel asked between giggles.

"And check the sig on your beeper," Santana added. "I heard it's hard to get reception."

"Are you serious? The real Caesar never even knew this continent existed!" he cried, ignoring Santana still.

"It's a joke. But seriously, don't get into a fight with those moving statues at Caesar's." The giggles continued as she pictured a pissed off Puck getting into a fight with the living statues scattered throughout Caesar's after he'd gotten kicked out. "Caesar's has a holding cell you know."

"I didn't know that but thank you for sharing," he replied, slightly bewildered as both girls continued to giggle. "Look, I have to go but I'll call you later, ok?"

"Bye," Rachel called out, already disappearing behind the curtain, Santana doing the same on the other end. She waited until she'd heard the door close before she spoke again. "So where did you get that shelf bra you have? I looked for one online and couldn't find it at Victoria's Secret."

Santana arched an eyebrow. "Really? He just pushed back your wedding and all you can say is where'd you get your shelf bra?"

She shrugged, reaching for her shampoo. "You heard him. He had a conference. I wish we were the same size so I could just borrow your shelf bra."

"So you're fine with him choosing a conference over wedding night sex?" Santana demanded, holding out her hand for Rachel to pour shampoo in it.

"It's not like we put a deposit down on a hall. We were just going to the courthouse." She put the bottle on the shelf before running the shampoo through her own hair, Santana doing the same across from her. "So did you get that shelf bra at Victoria's Secret? Because I looked forever."

"Which are you talking about? The push-up? That I got at Frederick's but Victoria's Secret should have had that," she replied, her hands still working the shampoo in her hair. She weighed her options, deciding to drop the wedding issue for now.

"No the other one." Her hands stilled mid-lather. "The one that sits under your breasts. You had it on last week when I came over to Brittany's for dinner and you two were scissoring on her couch."

Santana smirked. "You think you're ready for a shelf bra? That's pretty advanced for someone who didn't even want v-string panties."

"I'm totally ready. We almost got caught having sex _twice_," she boasted, watching Santana step under the spray to rinse her hair. "And I did have oral sex with other people right there without them knowing."

"I don't know, Sexy Street is a pretty intense store. Last time I brought you in there, you turned scarlet and couldn't stop giggling," Santana replied, stepping out of the spray and reaching for the conditioner. "You're probably better off borrowing Brittany's."

"Her's will be too big too. I want my own," she insisted, moving under the spray to rinse her hair. "And how could I not giggle? You bought sex toys!"

"Sylvia is not a toy," Santana retorted as she massaged the conditioner into her hair.

"It's a strap on," Rachel pointed out, pulling the curtain open and stepping daintily onto the bathmat while Santana rinsed her hair. She stared at Santana, wrapping a towel around herself as she did so. "It's a sex toy, no matter what name Brittany gives it."

"The Manny better than Sylvia?" Santana questioned, massaging her scalp. "What are we talking about here? A pencil or a log?"

"Of course he's better than Sylvia, his penis is _real_," Rachel snapped, grabbing another towel to dry her arms and legs with. "And it's a lovely penis. Absolutely perfect."

"You just described a penis as lovely and you think you're ready for a shelf bra?" Santana demanded as she turned off the water and stepped out, accepting the towel Rachel was offering. "Just the thought of Sylvia makes you blush."

"I am." She flipped her hair over, wrapping it up in a towel turban before she opened the bathroom door and walked down the hall to her bedroom, a towel clad Santana behind her.

Ignoring Santana, she opened her lingerie drawer, trying to decide which of her new lingerie to wear. Deciding on the lacy pink bra and matching thong, she dropped her towel and quickly slipped them on before she walked over to her closet.

"Is that a thong I see?" Santana questioned, an eyebrow raised. "And a bra with no flowers or characters on it? Who are you and what have you done with Rachel?"

"Shut up. I told you I went shopping this morning," she retorted as she pulled on Finn's dress shirt and resumed pawing through her closet.

"I need to borrow clothes. You have anything not toddler like?" Santana asked, pulling her towel off to dry her hair.

"Take what you want." She pulled out a dress and stared at it before rejecting it in favor of the skinny jeans and peasant blouse she held up for Santana. "Should I wear this? I'm not quite sure what one wears to play video games."

"Is that what we're doing tonight?" Santana wrinkled her nose, strolling over to Rachel's bureau and grabbing her hairbrush.

She nodded. "I have to make an appearance at Finn's since all the boys will be there. Kurt too."

"You _have_ to?" Santana stressed with an eye roll. "I bet that's a real hardship."

"Well it is rush hour. It'll be crowded on the subway," Rachel agreed, pulling out another dress. "You're dripping water on the floor."

Santana stared at her in the mirror as she ran the comb through her hair. "You know I like to air dry."

"What are you going to wear?" Rachel asked, biting her lip in contemplation.

"No idea." Santana strolled over to the bed, sifting through the clothes she'd brought in from the bathroom and slipping on her bra and panties. "But if I were you, I'd stick with the skinny jeans although a dress would be easier to get off."

"True." She worried her lip again. "Maybe I should do my hair and makeup first."

Santana watched with interest as Rachel took out her curlers, her eyes having already registered the large men's dress shirt currently residing unbuttoned over Rachel's bra and panties. "Curling your hair again, I see."

"So?" She plugged the curlers in, placing them on her bureau.

"Nothing. It's just interesting." Idly, Santana pushed the clothes in Rachel's closet to the side, trying to find something to wear. Her eyes fell on a long sleeved black shirt with a cut out just above the breasts. "_Hey_! This is mine!"

"Oh right. I borrowed that because I thought Mike might like it and want to..." She trailed off with a shrug. "You can have it back."

"Something tells me you don't need it now." She smirked, pulling out one of Rachel's short black skirts and slipping it on. "You never did tell me how the Manny and his lovely penis are at fucking."

"Are you ever going to call him by his name?" She checked the heat of her curlers before unwrapping her hair and setting the towel on the bed next to her. "And I think the fact that we broke the wall and woke half the house speaks for his ability."

"Whoa. Hold up. You broke a _wall_?" Santana demanded, climbing onto the bed on her knees behind Rachel to comb her hair out. "How?"

"The headboard constantly slamming so hard against it gouged the wall," Rachel explained smugly, passing a hair dryer back to Santana. "We didn't bother to fix it till we were about to leave since we only made it bigger.."

"I'm impressed, Rachel. All these years I thought wild for you was the foot of the bed." She switched on the hair dryer, aiming it at Rachel's head and jumping slightly as the theme song from _The Exorcist_ began to play. "What the hell is that?"

"It's Cornelius. That's his assigned ringtone and I must say it's appropriate." She picked up her ever present cellphone off the bed next to her and pressed it to her ear. "Hello?"

Intrigued and feeling no remorse about eavesdropping, Santana continued to dry Rachel's hair as she listened to Rachel's half of the conversation.

"I told you when you called this morning, your sled is supposed to arrive tomorrow, so we'll go sledding tomorrow afternoon because you only have a half day of school...You can ask him but he's going to tell you the same thing...well he's not here...Would you stop calling me that?...No, I'm not singing that...because I'm not, ok?...I don't care if Percival sings it, I'm not...Fine, tell him. He'll side with me." Annoyed, Rachel hung up the phone with an eye roll and tossed it back on the bed.

"Care to explain?" Santana asked casually, working the blow dryer and a brush on a section of hair. "What's that kid's problem now? He fighting with the Manny?"

"He broke his sled when he hugged the bannister. He should have swung towards the wall, " Rachel explained. "That's what you need to do when the staircase is curved."

Santana paused, the blow dryer aimed at the ceiling. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Sledding on the stairs. Duh." She reached for the phone again, dialing and holding it up to her ear once more. "Can you hurry up and finish? We still need to decide what to wear."

An eyebrow quirked at Rachel's bossiness, Santana resumed her hair drying as Rachel turned her attention back to the phone. The mystery of whoever she'd just dialed was cleared up almost immediately, since Rachel's voice took on a sensual tone. "Hi baby. He just called."

_"Again? What's he want now?"_

"He doesn't believe me that his sled is coming in tomorrow." She glared at Santana in the mirror as she pulled a section of hair particularly hard with the brush. "But never mind that. I need you to settle a debate. Santana and I are really at a loss as to what to wear to play video games."

_"Wear whatever you want, babe. It's not a big deal."_

"Oh. Ok then. I better go finish getting ready. See you soon." An idea forming, she hung up the phone with a grin and aimed it at the mirror, quickly snapping a picture. Excited, she examined it critically.

"What are you doing?"

Rachel tilted her head back to look at Santana. "I'm about to send a sext. I do that now."

The blow dryer paused. "Hold up. As the queen of sexts, I demand to see it before you send."

"Fine. Here." Proud, she held up the phone, allowing Santana to see the picture she'd taken.

"Ok, first of all, this sucks. You're not even posed. This is like the Disney version of a sext," Santana chided. "Your legs aren't even open!"

"Oh." Determined, she leaned back on one hand as Santana resumed blow drying, spreading her legs open and aiming the phone back at the mirror for take two. She turned the phone back, incredibly pleased by what she saw on the screen. Her legs opened wide moved Finn's dress shirt, allowing more of her lingerie to show, making her look even sexier. The fact that Santana was behind her in just a skirt and bra didn't even put a damper on her happiness since she felt that she looked much hotter than Santana for once. "How's that?"

Santana peered at the screen. "Better. What are you going to put with it?"

She thought for a moment, biting her lip as she typed underneath the picture.

_**Should I wear this?**_

Grinning as she clutched the phone, already picturing his reaction and eagerly anticipating his response. Santana barely had time to run over a new section of hair before her phone beeped with a text.

**_I wouldn't complain if you did, babe. And I knew you stole my shirt._**

A giggle escaped as she grabbed the hem of his shirt protectively. It wasn't her fault that his shirt was just so comfy to wear or sleep in and she certainly wasn't giving it back.

"So that is the Manny's shirt?" Santana asked, clearly reading the texts over her shoulder as she continued to dry Rachel's hair section by section.

"It's Finn's, yes." She continued to type even as Santana pulled her head back.

**_I did no such thing. It jumped into my suitcase. It clearly wanted to come home with me._**

Jumped into her suitcase or deliberately placed in it were synonymous in her opinion and she grinned, awaiting his response since she was positive it would include the word _shirtjacker. _His simple answer however, surprised her.

**_Is that right? _**

Momentarily at a loss, she thought while Santana dried another section before she typed an answer.

**_Yes. It heard you're a laundry virgin and was worried about your washing abilities._**

"You two are seriously weird with your sexts," Santana decided, again reading over her shoulder.

"We're not sexting at the moment, Ana," Rachel snapped. "Are you almost done? I need to check on my mugs."

"Hold up. Those mugs I saw in the living room are for him? You seriously bedazzled him a set of mugs?" Santana snorted, holding the blow dryer in mid air. "_Please_ let me be there when you give them to him."

"Of course I did. They're always a big hit," Rachel enthused. "Brittany loves the one I did for her, not to mention the bedazzled bowl I made for Lord Tubbington. I bet Finn will use them tonight."

"Like I said, let me be there when you give them to him." She switched the dryer off and reached for a curler, wrapping it in place on Rachel's head.

"He'll love it." She checked her phone for a response while Santana placed more curlers in her hair.

_**I**_ **_doubt that my shirt would choose to willingly be shirtjacked. Although it knew it would be hanging out on a smokin' hot shirtjacker's body so maybe it did._**

She knew it. She _knew_ he'd use the word shirtjacked. Grinning at the fact that she was right, she began to type back a response as Santana finished putting the curlers in her hair but was surprised when another message appeared.

_**I'm**_ _**glad I know where it is though. I almost took out an ad in The Lima Ledger. You know, "Lovely man seeks dress shirt to look even lovelier in."**_

Her eyes narrowed as she stood and stalked back into the bathroom, her fingers flying as she typed.

_**Jerk. I'm officially mad at you. Don't expect me to kiss you ever again.**_

Satisfied at her retort, she set about doing her makeup in the mirror and purposely ignoring every text of her phone.

Santana joined her after a minute, ready to begin applying her own makeup next to Rachel. She rummaged through the spare makeup bag she kept at Rachel's and pulled out an eyeliner pencil before she spoke, her words chosen carefully. "So when do you think you'll get married?"

"No idea. Do you think I should do a smoky eye? Is that too much for game night?" Rachel fretted. "Maybe I should go more natural. Oh! I'll text Kurt. He'll know."

"So you think you'll get married in a few weeks? Or like a few months?" Santana pressed, watching Rachel text.

"I told you. I have no idea," she replied, busy looking at her phone. "Kurt says to go natural. They'll be so into their stupid game, they won't even notice, according to him."

Satisfied at the results of her little experiment, Santana lined an eye. "Guarantee you Manny will notice."

"I hope so." She set about doing her makeup in the natural style, pausing after each application to examine it critically, Santana doing the same beside her.

"You know he will. He notices if you shit wrong." She lined her other eye.

"Must you be so crass?" Rachel demanded. "Really, Ana."

"Whatever. Can we just go so I can get my drink on?" Santana demanded. "Puck says he's bringing the good stuff."

"Fine. It's almost show time." She turned back to the mirror, concentrating on her makeup.

Santana arched an eyebrow. "Show time?"

"Well I am playing the role of his girlfriend. A role I performed so spectacularly that we've been given an extended run, I might add." She reached for her lipstick, biting her lip as she tried to decided between two. "Which one?"

"Beige. You still considering this an acting job?" Santana questioned."Like seriously?"

"Of course. What else would it be?" Rachel stared at her friend in the mirror as she applied the beige lipstick.

"I'd call it more of a precursor." She adjusted her hair, muttering under her breath. "Or a wakeup call."

"Huh? Did you say something?" Rachel asked, pausing her lipstick application.

Santana shook her head, in disbelief at Rachel's state of denial about both her fake relationship and her real one. How Rachel couldn't see what was going on with either was beyond her, but she intended to help Rachel out and make her see.

No matter what.

* * *

><p>Forty-five minutes and an argument about Rachel's shoes later, the girls were finally standing outside Finn's apartment door, Rachel proudly holding a wrapped gift box in front of her.<p>

Finn answered almost immediately, a grin on his face. "Hey babe. Santana."

"Hi baby." She giggled as he held the door open, accepting the kiss he was offering. Eagerly, she stepped inside, Santana following after.

"Hi Manny." She paused, taking in the large spacious apartment. "Ok seriously, this foyer is larger than my apartment. How the hell does a manny afford this place? It must cost millions."

"Santana!" Rachel hissed, horrified as Finn helped her out of her coat. "That's so rude!"

"It's ok, babe." Finn laughed, draping Rachel's coat over his arm as he explained. "This is actually my Aunt Bernadette's apartment. She only uses it once in a while so she sublets it to me for dirt cheap."

"I brought you something," Rachel announced, holding out the box she'd painstakingly giftwrapped while Santana was on the phone with Brittany.

"For me? Awesome." He tore into it eagerly, pulling out a mug in confusion. "Huh? I think you bought the wrong one. It's got an R on it."

Rachel beamed. "That's not the wrong one! That's mine, see? R."

"Oh. Oh cool." He pulled out another one. "Oh. There's the F one. It's uh...sparkly."

She beamed even more. "Isn't it great? We have matching mugs!"

"Uh, ok." He rubbed the back of his neck. "It's great...really great."

"I knew you'd love them." She nodded towards Santana. "_Some_ people seemed to think you wouldn't enjoy a bedazzled mug made by me but I knew you would. Especially since it backs up our dating story."

"You made this?" he asked slowly. "To back up our story?"

"Yes." She nodded happily. "Every couple has something his and hers in their apartments. It's like a rule."

"Oh really? And what do you and the Asian have?" Santana asked innocently.

A wave of silence fell over the group as Rachel glared. "Right. Well I'm just going to put these mugs in the kitchen until you serve coffee."

"Rachel, how many times do I have to tell you? Guys don't serve coffee," Santana corrected.

"Don't be ridiculous. Of course they do. Right Finn?" She looked anxiously at him. "You must serve coffee with dessert right?"

He rubbed the back of his neck again. "Yeah, uh, Santana's right. We barely even use cups."

"Oh." She pouted for a moment until Finn put his arms around her.

"You can serve coffee if you want to," he assured her, cuddling her to his chest as he walked them into the living room.

"Mmm. I love how cuddly you are." She rested her head against his chest as she stared at Santana. "He's like the cuddliest boy I know, Ana."

"Gag. Where's the bathroom, Manny?" Santana demanded.

"Down the hall and to the left," he directed, pointing with the hand not wrapped around Rachel. Rachel still wrapped around him, he maneuvered himself onto the couch as Santana headed towards the bathroom.

"_Finally_. I thought we'd never be alone," Rachel breathed, immediately climbing into his lap the second Santana disappeared into the bathroom. She cupped his face, kissing him hungrily.

"I thought you were mad at me and were never going to kiss me again?" he teased between kisses, his hands on her hips until she began pulling insistently on his shirt. He released her hips, helping her pull the shirt over his head. Freed of his shirt, she transferred her kisses to his jaw as her hands roamed wild over his chest.

"I never said that." Her lips now fused to his neck, sucking hard until she'd left a mark. Satisfied, she separated from him and sat up, pulling off her own shirt and throwing it across the room.

"Really? I could swear I got a text from you saying that," he murmured, his head resting against her chest as he scattered kisses across her bra covered breasts. His hands snaked behind, fumbling with the clasp until he'd unhooked it. Pleased he'd gotten it so quick, he slid the bra down to her elbows, pressing kisses to her freed breasts.

"Nope. Wasn't me. Must've been Cornelius," she breathed as he captured a nipple between his teeth. She moaned as he changed their position, pushing her onto her back while he hovered over her, still worshipping her breasts.

_"_Baby...what's with...the jeans," he murmured between kisses, his hand running along her thigh and unable to get his hands in the jeans.

"_Her ass looks amazing in them, that's what's with the jeans."_

"Whoa!" Startled, he immediately tried to sit up, attempting to hide Rachel from Santana's view as she settled onto the couch next to them. Rachel refused to budge, simply readjusting herself back on his lap to continue kissing.

"Don't think you're protecting Rachel by hiding her boobs," Santana announced. "I've seen them millions of times."

Rachel waved her off with one hand, pushing Finn back against the couch with the other as she placed kisses all over his face. "Ignore her," she breathed between kisses, rocking her hips against him.

"You gonna blow him, Rachel?" She turned towards them, an arm on the back of the couch. "How'd you like that bra, Manny?"

Finn pulled his face away from her, allowing Rachel to kiss along his jaw. "Uh it's fucking hot."

"_Finn..."_ she whined, rocking her hips once more as her hands joined his on her breasts. "Don't stop."

"She asked me a question," he reasoned, even as she moved to place frantic kisses on his neck, his hands moving against her breasts automatically.

"Don't stop on my account," Santana offered, turning back away from them as they continued to frantically make out next her. "Where's the remote?"

Finn allowed one more kiss before he stilled his hands against her breasts. "Baby wait. We can't."

Annoyed, Rachel pulled away, her hands on his neck. "What do you mean, we can't? Santana won't care if we make out. I probably owe her for all the times I've seen her and Brits go at it."

"It's true. Rachel's probably seen me and Brits naked more than clothed," Santana commented, busy flipping channels. "Oh damn. I forgot to DVR _America's Next Top Model_. I hope you did, Rachel."

"See?" She kissed him again, sliding his hands off her breasts and down to the button of her jeans, resuming her kissing as she helped him unbutton and unzip her pants. "Commence ass grabbing please."

"Rachel, we can't." He separated from her, his hands resting lightly on her ass under her jeans.

More annoyed, Rachel sat back up, the bra still around her elbows. "Why not? Don't you _want_ to make out?"

"You know I do but-"

"No buts unless it's the one you're about to grab," she announced, pulling the bra all the way off and tossing it to the side before she climbed off his lap and shimmied out of her pants. Satisfied, she straddled him and put his hands back on her ass. He kneaded automatically as she leaned in for a kiss, her tongue slipping back into his mouth.

In spite of his earlier protests, he kissed her back, his hands kneading her ass automatically. Suddenly inspired and completely forgetting about Santana next to him, he gripped Rachel's ass firmly, making her squeal in surprise. Hands found boobs as the frantic kissing resumed and he moved his mouth down to her neck, sucking lightly for a moment before Rachel guided his face down to her chest. Attention was lavished on each breast as he lightly ran his hand between her legs. The moan she gave as he sucked on the pillow soft skin of her left breast snapped him back to reality and he pulled both his face and his hand away again. "Baby we really can't. The guys are coming over."

"But they're not here yet." She rocked her hips against him again, enjoying the hardness she felt as she reached between them to further push open his pants. "So let's make out. Naked."

"Baby no." His voice sounded much firmer than he felt because if she rocked her hips again, he'd probably be naked in two seconds. "As much as I love a naked make out with you, the guys are coming over and I need time to get rid of this hard on."

"Oh check it out, Rachel! _Master Chef_ is on!" Santana cut in. "I hope that bitch finally goes home today."

"She won't," Rachel predicted, twisting a little to see the TV. "They like her cooking."

"True." She glanced out of the corner of her eye, surprised to see Rachel in nothing but her panties sitting next to her, her eyes trained on the TV and one hand wrapped around Finn's neck, casually playing with the hair at the base. The fact that Finn was casually rubbing her thigh as he rested his head on her shoulder didn't escape her notice either and she smiled in spite of herself, glad to see Rachel clearly happy.

"Move babe?" He patted her thighs affectionately.

"Where are you going?" She shifted off his lap reluctantly.

"Just to my room," he assured her, leaning over for a quick kiss before he stood.

"Not doing too good a job getting rid of that hard on," Santana commented. "It looks even bigger. How many inches we talking here?"

"_Santana_!" Rachel hissed.

"What? It's a perfectly valid question." She turned back towards an embarrassed Finn. "Seriously Manny. Give me the measurement at full staff."

"Yeah uh..." He trailed off, rubbing his neck awkwardly.

"Baby, ignore her," Rachel instructed, throwing in a glare for Santana's benefit.

He placed a kiss against her lips. "You better get dressed. As hot as you look in just that tiny pair of underwear, I don't want the guys see it."

"Ok." She waited until Finn had disappeared down the hallway before she spoke to Santana again. "What is _wrong_ with you?"

"Me? What's wrong with _you_?" Santana shot back, rolling her eyes as she watched Rachel slide her bra back in place.

"Huh?" She reached behind her to fix the clasp. "What are you talking about?"

"You're seriously putting your bra _on_ when he's in there jerking off?" she retorted, rolling her eyes once more. "Get in there and help him."

Not needing to be told twice Rachel unhooked her bra, pulling it off and throwing it to the ground as she stood, her eyes dark with lust. Her panties managed to stay on until she reached his closed bedroom door, where they promptly became abandoned as she opened his door and slipped in.

Finn, his boxers and pants around his ankles, was leaning against the dresser with one hand, the other gripping himself firmly as he moaned softly. The sight made her immediately wet between the legs and she wasted no time hurrying over to position herself in front of him. Her hands gripped the bureau in pleasure as she felt him slip inside her. "_Ooh_."

He began to move behind her, one hand gripping her breasts. "Fuck, you feel good."

She moaned, focusing on their images in the mirror in front of her. Amazed yet again by the sheer sexiness of the scene, she cried out, watching Finn thrusting rhythmically into her, his pace gaining speed. The bureau was gripped harder as he pushed into her even faster, knowing that was what she'd want. Sure enough, she cried out loudly, her voice ecstatic. "Oh _God_! Finn baby_, yes! _Oh fuck_ yes!"_

The fact that Santana was elsewhere in the apartment was forgotten as he continued to move behind her, her screams increasing from the pleasure. Wanting to throw her over the edge, he pulled out and spun her around amid her frantic protests. Quickly, he lifted her and placed her on the bureau, her legs on his shoulders as he slammed back into her. Rachel screamed once more, thoroughly enjoying herself as she drew closer to her climax.

"Oh! There!...Oh God, _Finn_!...Oh _fuck_..._Oh_!...I'm..._Oh_! Oh _baby_ I'm..." she cried out incoherently as she reached her orgasm and tumbled over the edge.

He followed immediately after, crying out her name. Spent, he lowered her legs and held her to him, carrying her over to the bed as best he could with his pants and shorts still around his ankles. He sat on the bed, cuddling her to his chest as he attempted to catch his breath. "Fuck Rachel, you're amazing."

"I'm glad you agreed to my naked make-out idea," she murmured, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Who'd pass up the chance to have a naked make-out with you?" he questioned, reaching for a tissue on the nightstand to clean her up with and missing the weird expression on her face at his words.

She waited until he was done cleaning her before she spoke again. "Santana's waiting for us. We should probably go back outside."

"I guess. The guys will be here soon too." He smiled, watching her climb off him and stretch out on his bed before he stood, pulling up his pants and boxers.

_"You two done fucking? I wanna start a new tournament."_

He sighed. "Annnd they're here. Let's get dressed."

She stretched her arms over her head on the bed as she watched him walk over to his bureau and pull out a t-shirt, making no move to get dressed herself.

"Rach, come on, get dressed." He nudged her legs with his.

She sat up on her elbows. "I can't. In case you don't remember, I came in here basically naked. My clothes are all outside."

"Oh. I'll go get them." He leaned down, kissing her forehead. "Be right back."

He strolled out of the bedroom, a goofy look on his face. Santana was sitting where he'd left her, still flipping channels but was no longer alone. Puck and Sam had arrived while he'd been in his bedroom and evidently heard everything based on the round of applause he received the moment they noticed him. "Shut up," he snapped, instantly annoyed.

"Way to go, Finn," Puck smirked, giving a salute. "Didn't think you had it in you."

He glared, looking around for Rachel's clothes but found nothing. "Dude. I know you have them."

"Have what?" Puck asked innocently.

"Give them back." He glared, taking a step closer to the couch.

"Give what back? What's he talking about, Evans?" Puck countered, a self satisfied smirk on his face.

Sam shrugged, grinning. "No idea."

"Her clothes. They were right here. I know you idiots have them," Finn growled, pointing to the floor. "Don't embarrass her. Just give them back."

"We're clean. We got nothing." Puck held up his hands.

"Dude. I know you have them. This is like Beiste's pool party again when you took Sam's clothes and towel while he was in the shower," Finn snapped, stepping closer to Puck. "Give them back."

"I _knew _that was you!" Sam cried. "I had to use shampoo bottles to cover myself so I could get my clothes back from Beiste!"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I-" Puck paused as footsteps were heard in the hall.

"Finn? What's taking so long? I..." Rachel, clad in Finn's old high school t-shirt, came into view, pausing in embarrassment when she saw everyone. "Oh! I didn't know _everyone_ was here."

"Yup. We wanted to see you do the Walk of Shame, Granny Panties," Puck replied cheerfully. "How many rounds did you go with Carole?"

"_Noah_! Stop calling me that!" Rachel screeched as Santana snorted from amusement. "It's not funny, Ana!"

"It really is, Rachel. Some of your underwear is _so_ old lady," Santana replied.

"Why don't you get dressed?" Puck asked innocently. "We're waiting to play."

"That's what she's trying to do," Finn retorted. "Give them back."

"I told you. I don't have them." He smirked, staring at Rachel. "So the Grannys come off and the screaming starts? Good thing for Hudson that they're MIA."

Rachel's cheeks pinked as she realized the problem. "_Noah_! You hid my clothes? What is this, football camp?"

"If it was football camp, your bra would hanging from the flagpole," Puck retorted. "Only B cups and bigger got displayed in the mess hall."

"Dude!" Finn cried at the insult. "What the hell?"

"_Noah!"_ Rachel screeched.

"I _told_ you to get implants when I did, Rachel," Santana added. "It would have saved you a lot of unnecessary mocking."

"Shut up, Santana," she shot back. "How could you let them hide my clothes?"

Santana shrugged. "I figure they're doing you a favor."

"Funny." She glared at her before she turned to Puck and stamped her foot. "Give me back my clothes!"

"Shouldn't have left your clothes all over the floor." He shrugged, smirking at Finn. "After that round, she might need to _cool down_."

"Honestly, Noah. Your immaturity astounds me," Rachel snapped, clearly missing his clue.

"It's ok, babe. I got this." Finn, more than used to Puck's antics, had immediately gotten the hint and strode into the kitchen. He returned a minute later with Rachel's clothes in his arms. "Here. You might want to wait a few minutes though."

"Thank you, baby." Her eyes narrowed the moment she felt her clothes. "Why are they so cold?"

"Puck put them in the freezer." He shifted uncomfortably. "You uh, might want to check for Ben-gay before you put them on though."

She grabbed her clothes and stomped off, clearly annoyed. Finn watched her go, an annoyed look on his own face. "Great. Now she's gonna be pissed. Thanks a lot, man."

"She won't be. She's with you," Santana cut in. "Just kiss her a few times or cuddle her the way she's constantly talking about you doing and she'll be fine."

Finn pinked as all the boys stared, knowing what they were about to say. "All of you shut the fuck up."

"You _cuddle_?" Sam asked with a smirk anyway. "I thought you always said that was for guys who were whipped?"

"He totally cuddles," she mocked, adding fuel to the fire. "All I ever hear about is how cuddly he is. _I'm telling you Ana, I've never met a more cuddly boy."_

Two pairs of eyes turned onto a scarlet Finn, who pointed threateningly at each. "Shut it. Not one word."

"Not one word about what?" Rachel asked, appearing out of nowhere and in her own clothes.

"Finn's cuddle factor," Santana offered with a snicker.

"Oh." She wrapped her arms around him. "On a scale of one to ten, his cuddle factor is one hundred fifty six."

"Must be all that cuddling he does with Carole," Puck decided, as he grabbed a controller. "Are we gonna play?"

"Of course we are," Rachel answered, too busy grabbing another controller off the table to chastise Finn for the finger he was holding up to Puck. "I call not Baby Mario."

"Huh?" Puck paused, the NBA game in his hand. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I call not Baby Mario," she repeated, settling onto the couch next to Finn. "We are playing _MarioKart_, are we not?"

"Fuck no, we're not playing that," Puck spit out. "We're having an NBA tournament."

"Oh. I would assume that's after _MarioKart_," Rachel decided. "It's imperative Finn teach me how to play _MarioKart_ so I'm not assigned Baby Mario in the future."

Puck arched an eyebrow. "You got a thing for Baby Mario? You keep mentioning him."

Rachel ignored him as she turned to Finn with wide eyes. "Aren't we playing _MarioKart_? You promised to teach me."

He shrugged. "We can race then have our tournament."

"Are you fucking serious?" Puck demanded, horrified as he watched Finn place the game in and rummage through his cabinet for the steering wheels.

"You sure, Finn? I mean, after what happened last time?" Sam asked accepting the steering wheel Finn was offering.

"Puck won't _accidentally_ pull the plug out of the console because he's about to lose this time," Finn glowered, still smarting at the memory of his potential high score being wiped out. He held out a steering wheel each to Santana and Puck, the latter taking one begrudgingly before he sat down next to Rachel and pulled her into his lap. Carefully, he settled her between his legs, giving her the final steering wheel.

"Shouldn't we wait for Kurt and Rory?" Rachel asked worriedly, turning her head to look at Finn.

"Kurt won't play video games," he replied easily, using the steering wheel to set up the game. "He just comes to bitch."

"Oh." She watch him manipulate the screen for a moment. "So what do I do?"

"Well first you need to pick your character." He nodded towards the screen, where Puck and Sam had already picked their characters. "I know you don't want Baby Mario, so who's it going to be?"

"Hmm. The turtle is adorable but I don't like his car," Rachel mused. "Does it come in any other colors?"

"Who cares what fucking color your car is?" Puck demanded. "Just pick one."

"I care. I'm not driving an ugly car and neither is my turtle," Rachel retorted. She turned to Santana. "What are you picking, Ana?"

"I'm the-"

"Oh! That car is pink! I want that one!" Rachel interrupted excitedly.

"Princess Peach?" Finn asked doubtfully. "She's uh...barely a step up from Baby Mario."

"You should like it, Finn. Her car is pink," Sam snorted. "Isn't that Sugar's favorite color?"

"You would know, not me," Finn shot back. Resigned to Rachel's choice, he selected the pink car and set it up. "There, babe."

"I'm ready to play? What do I do?" She leaned back against him as he handed her the steering wheel.

"It's not hard, Rachel. Just drive like you would a car," Santana ordered, watching Finn place his hands over Rachel's. The little smile that instantly graced her face didn't evade Santana's all seeing eyes, nor did the way Finn's head was close to hers.

"Oh." She stared at the screen in concentration.

"Ready babe?" He put her thumb over the button to accelerate, guiding her as the race started.

"_Hey_! That gorilla just crashed into me!" Rachel cried, turning the wheel sharply as her car spun out.

"Your welcome, Berry," Puck snickered as he drove away.

"Baby, you need to get off the grass," Finn directed, using the hands he still had placed over hers to guide her back onto the track, only to have her drive straight into a cow attempting to cross the dirt track.

"Where did that cow come from?" she exclaimed in frustration as her car spun out again. "What are livestock doing on a race track?"

She managed to finish the rest of lap while only crashing three more times, crossing the starting line in 12th place, much to her annoyance. "Where's everyone else?"

"Way ahead of you, Rachel. You suck," Santana announced, expertly navigating a curve.

"_Hey_! Did you see that?" Rachel demanded as her car spun out once more courtesy of a banana peel. "Noah's character is littering and it made me crash!"

"You need to move around them, Rachel," Sam offered as he lapped her.

She nodded, determined to concentrate on the race but her poor start and multitude of crashes cost her, making her finish in last place. Frustrated, she threw the steering wheel down, ignoring the mocking from Santana. "Again. I want to try again."

"Pick a course with no cows," Santana snickered.

"Shut up, Santana," she snapped as Finn chose another course.

"Ok babe. Do it again, but better." He pressed a kiss to her temple for luck.

Prepared this time, she drove a little better, finishing in a slightly more respectable tenth. Kurt and Rory arrived just as she pulled into the finish line, bearing witness to her defeat. "Damn. I lost again."

"Ok, Berry's proven she sucks at driving. Can we have our tournament now?" Puck demanded.

"I do not suck! Those cows shouldn't have been there!" Rachel defended. "Somebody's an irresponsible farmer!"

"Maybe you'd drive better if you had some coffee," Santana suggested innocently.

She brightened at the thought. "Oh! Perhaps."

"I could use some coffee," Kurt agreed, pulling off his coat. "I'll help you, Rachel."

"Be right back." She beamed at the group as she stood and followed Kurt into the large kitchen. She made a beeline for the mug cabinet, pulling out her bedazzled mugs and placing them on the counter before she reached for the coffee pot.

"I guess you stay here a lot?" Kurt asked curiously as she filled the coffee pot with water. "I mean, you seem to know your way around the kitchen."

"Well I maintain my own apartment, but I do stay here, yes," she fibbed, although it wasn't entirely untrue.

"We'll have to discuss a new decorating scheme for the bedroom. Have you seen those atrocious Batman sheets yet?" He shuddered in horror.

She giggled, setting the coffee pot to brew. "I have not."

"Be glad. I don't even want to know where Aunt Bernadette found those for a king sized bed." He shuddered again.

"Aunt Bernadette is so nice. So's your whole family." She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, pulling some cookies out of the cabinet for dessert. "With one obvious exception."

"Sugar'll be at the anniversary party for my parents," Kurt warned. "I'm assuming you're coming?"

"Of course! I wouldn't miss it," Rachel promised, her eyes teasing. "Should I bring extra clothes in case of another snow storm?"

"This one's at Tavern on the Green, so no." He stared hard at Rachel. "I think you should know that all the coat rooms are manned, so don't go getting any ideas."

Rachel squealed, ignoring the veiled insult. "Tavern on the Green? I've never been!"

"It should be nice. I'm going for a whole romantic motif." He picked up the mug bearing the letter F just as the coffee began filling the pot. "This is Finn's?"

She nodded excitedly, holding up her R mug. "I made it for him. He loved it. Mine matches, see?"

"I see." He grabbed the cookies and arranged them on a tray next to the milk and sugar. "Ready?"

"Almost." She filled up the mugs on another tray. "I wish Finn had a carafe. This is a really poor serving."

"Don't get me started on his lack of fine china." He rolled his eyes. "It's an absolute embarrassment."

She giggled, following him into the living room. "Coffee and cookies are served!"

"I'm starving. Gimme those...what the fuck is that?" Puck trailed off, his eyes immediately falling on the matching his and hers mugs.

"It's Finn's mug." Rachel beamed, handing a pale faced Finn the F mug. "Don't you love it? Finn does."

Puck closed his eyes in contemplation for a second. "So many ways to mock, I can't decide which to chose."

"Shut it. Rachel made it for me," Finn snapped. "It's just a mug."

"A sparkly mug," Puck pointed out with a snicker.

"Would you like one, Noah?" Rachel asked. "I could make you one with an N on it."

"Fuck no. I-"

"Oh are you playing a new game, Ana?" Rachel cut in.

"Yeah, I'm taking them on in basketball," Santana replied. "If Finn ever choses his team."

"You should be the red team, Finn. I like their uniforms," Rachel decided, admiring the red and black uniforms as she sipped her coffee. "The colors are pretty."

"No way babe. Chicago sucks," Finn replied, scrolling through to his team. "But since you're cute, I'll forgive you for that suggestion."

She giggled. "In that case, I better go use the bathroom before you get mad at me."

He accepted the kiss she was offering, forgetting about his game as he watched her walk away. A cookie to the head courtesy of Puck snapped him back to reality. "What the hell?"

"Are we ever gonna play or you just want to drool all day?" Puck demanded.

"Fuck off. I-" He was cut off by the ringing of a cell phone.

**_I wanna sex you up/All night/You make me feel real good/I want to/I wanna rub you down/I wanna sex you up_**

Sam burst out laughing. "What the fuck is that?"

He shrugged but made no move to answer it. "It's Rachel's phone."

"So? Answer it so we don't have to listen to that crappy song." Puck smirked, making his player score on screen. "Take a drink from your bedazzled mug and answer it."

"No way. It's her phone," he insisted, the irony of not answering her phone not lost on him.

"Dude. Seriously. This song is painful." He grabbed the phone off the table.

Finn, afraid Puck would answer, grabbed the phone from him and accepted the call, holding it to his ear just as Rachel appeared in the doorway, her face pale and her eyes wide. Not comprehending why she was slowly shaking her head no or why Santana had a weird look on her face, he cradled the phone to his ear. "Uh, hello?"

Rachel and Santana's weird behavior was cleared up the instant the caller began to speak.

_"Hello? I'm looking for my fiancée. Who's this?"_

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Uh oh :) But at least Finn's got a bedazzled mug just like mine ;)<strong>_

_**Yes, I know the updates are taking forever, but I do have a job and a life. Plus, to be honest, since I've recently become aware that my writing is blatantly being copied and pasted into other stories and they're taking the credit for it, I've been less than enthused about writing.**_


	18. Puzzles

**Disclaimer:_ Glee is not mine._**

* * *

><p><strong><em>The odd thing about this form of communication is that you're more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.<em>**

**_ –You've Got Mail_**

* * *

><p>"So let me get this straight. You two honestly think you can keep your hands off each other?" Santana demanded, simultaneously flipping the pages of <em>Hollywood Now <em>and raising her foot at Brittany's direction. Having had color issues with Brittany earlier, she glanced up to make sure the sultry red she'd chosen was being applied to her toes correctly.

"Of course we can. We were only doing that to keep up the pretense," Rachel responded, her own toes already painted a cheery pink. A copy of _Hollywood Now_ in her own hands, she eyed an article that caught her attention. "Oh look. There's an article about Lila Henry. Finn loves her. You think she's pretty?"

"You're dreaming. You won't last a day," Santana replied, ignoring Rachel's attempt to change the subject. Her toes painted to her approval, she switched places with Brittany, reaching for the purple Brittany had selected.

"Of course I will," she huffed, turning the page forcefully. "You know I have incredible willpower."

"Not when it comes to him," Santana retorted. "He just looks at you and you're naked. Look at last night. You didn't last 10 minutes."

"I told you. His friends were coming over so we had to keep up the pretense." She glanced down at her beeping phone, a smile creeping on her face when she realized it was a text from Finn.

**_On my way to work. Gonna be busy._**

"And that goofy look on your face from his text I'm assuming is part of the pretense too?" Santana arched an eyebrow, watching Rachel type back furiously. "Cause I'm totally believing you're into him. How about you, Brits?"

"Rachel has the same look on her face that Lord Tubbington gets when he sees his favorite meal," Brittany decided, watching Rachel finish up her text.

**_That's right. It's your long day with all the difficult clients right?_**

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm simply answering his text." Her text sent, she placed her phone back on the coffee table, only to have it immediately buzz again. Refusing to look at Santana, she picked it back up, giggling at the text.

**_Yeah, I've got a lot of pain in the asses to train today. Beiste won't let Puck work with them after he tried to convince them to switch to another gym._**

"And the fact that the Asian called last night has nothing to do with this sudden no sex policy?" Santana questioned, finally getting to the root of the issue.

"Of course not." She glanced up at Santana for a second before resuming her typing. Finn answering Mike's call last night had been something she hadn't planned for but fortunately Mike didn't seem concerned, assuming Finn was her acting partner in the show she'd told him about before Bernadette's party. The fact that Mike still believed she was acting in a special show was something she had no intention of correcting him about nor was she bothered by the fact that Mike was calling to say that he was extending his Vegas trip. What she _was _bothered about, if she was truly honest with herself was the fact that Mike's calling had caused Finn to create this no sex thing they had going on, claiming her superior acting was sufficient to create the ruse. While she didn't doubt that, she preferred to completely immerse herself in a role and if that meant sex, so be it.

**_Do you believe Santana thinks we can't NOT have sex? She's ridiculous._**

"He say why he's staying longer in Vegas?" Santana questioned casually as Rachel's phone beeped. "Not that you care since you're busy with the Manny."

**_Well since you can't keep your hands off me, she's probably right._**

"Oh, he's a jerk." She giggled at Finn's message, seemingly not hearing Santana's question as she typed back.

**_Excuse me? YOU frequently attack ME._**

"So you finally see it then?" Santana demanded, pausing mid polish.

"Huh? See what?" Rachel asked, finally looking up from her phone.

"I asked you why the Asian is staying longer in Vegas and your response was 'oh he's a jerk,'" Santana parroted, resuming her polishing of Brittany's nails.

"That was in reference to Finn. He says I can't keep my hands off him. Honestly." She rolled her eyes at the ridiculousness of the statement.

"So I'll ask you again. Why's the Asian staying in Vegas?" Santana replied, rolling her own eyes at Rachel huffing at yet another text.

**_I don't think so babe. You jumped me last night._**

"He's the key note speaker or something, I don't know. Finn actually has the nerve to say I jumped him last night!" she cried indignantly, her fingers flying.

**_I did no such thing. I was simply helping convince your friends that we're in a true relationship. _**

"He's right. You totally did." She glanced up at Brittany, capping the nail polish. "You're done Brits."

**_Liar. You just can't stay away from my loveliness._**

"Are you still marrying Mike?" Brittany asked, admiring her toes. "I'm still a bridesmaid, right?"

"Hmm? Yeah," Rachel replied absently, busy typing a clever retort.

**_Just for that, I'm not helping you anymore._**

"Good. I want to wear a pink dress." Relieved, Brittany reached for the remote. "Let's watch dancing. I recorded it since we missed the first three hours."

"Sounds good," Rachel replied, not particularly caring since another text had come in.

**_You know you will._**

"God no. Not the dancing," Santana cried. "If I wanted to see men in sequins, I'd go to the village."

"I _want_ to watch the dancing," Brittany insisted, her voice petulant. "Rachel does too."

"No she doesn't," Santana retorted over the sound of_ I'm a Bitch_ playing from Rachel's phone. "She wants to watch Fashion Forward and make fun of all the bad outfits, right Rachel?"

Rachel shushed her with a wave of her hand, pressing the phone to her ear just in time to hear her voice.

_"My father needs a haircut. Cornelius too. Take them after their workout."_

"Pleasure talking to you too," Rachel quipped into the empty line. She turned the phone over in her hand, ignoring Santana and Brittany still arguing over what to watch next to her as she debated when to tell Finn the latest news. Deciding to hold off telling him for the moment, she sent off another text, resuming their playful argument.

**_I won't._**

"No Brits no. I'm not watching the dancing again," Santana insisted. "It's awful."

"But this one is live! They're even showing the prelims!" Brittany replied, crossing her arms. "They never do that!"

Rachel continued to tune them out, still pondering over when to inform Finn of his new afternoon plans.

**_You will._**

"Rachel, you want to watch the dancing, don't you?" Brittany demanded. "Tell Sannie."

"Hmm? Yeah, I do," she replied vaguely, furious at his new message.

"See?" Brittany beamed, grabbing the remote.

"The odds of Rachel wanting to watch are about as likely as that text she just got being from the Asian," Santana snapped, yanking the remote back. "Right Rachel?"

"Hmm? Yeah, I do," she replied just as vague as before and honestly having no idea what she was responding to.

**_I won't. You watch._**

Despite the message she'd just sent, she made up her mind about when to tell Finn about the hair cuts and stood up just as Brittany wrestled the remote away from Santana again.

"Fine. We'll watch the dancing," Santana grumbled, settling back onto the couch. She eyed Rachel slipping on her shoes. "Where are you going?"

"I've got an appointment," Rachel replied, glancing down at her phone.

**_Uh huh. You coming over later?_**

"Seriously? You're leaving me here to watch this crap?" Santana demanded, watching Rachel slip on her coat.

"It's not crap! They're doing the Argentine Tango and the Quick Step this round!" Brittany cried, pressing play. "That's hard!"

"See? It's not crap," Rachel assured Santana, barely glancing up from her phone as she typed and hurried to the door. "Bye."

**_Of course._**

"I don't believe this," Santana muttered, flopping back against the cushions. "She's going to have sex and I'm watching ballroom dancing."

"Isn't it great?" Brittany asked happily, her eyes focused on the screen as the competing couples took their places on the floor.

"Yeah it's fucking fantas...hold up. Brits go back a little." Santana sat up, staring hard at a couple in the corner of the screen.

"What? Why?" Brittany asked, rewinding slightly.

"Stop! Right there!" Her eyes narrowed to slits as the image on the screen confirmed she'd saw what she'd thought she'd saw before flopping back against the couch and speaking again. "Well I'll be damned."

* * *

><p>Her stride determined, Rachel marched down W. 96th street, seemingly unaware of the people around her as she got closer and closer to her destination. After a quick stop at her own apartment, she'd set out, a steady stream of texts keeping her company from both Finn and Cornelius, who was evidently dead set against getting a hair cut. Finn was still unaware of his afternoon plans but she figured that was about to change shortly.<p>

She'd just reached the crosswalk when her phone rang with the standard ring tone. Aware of the possibility that it could be Will calling to inform her she'd gotten the role, she quickly fished it out of her bag and prepared her best _casual yet professional _tone. "Hello. Rachel Berry speaking."

_"Oh Rachel. I finally caught you. You've been missing for a few days."_

"Hi Julia," she replied flatly, hoping Julia picked up on her tone. "I was snowed in up in Sleepy Hollow."

_"How dreadful. Was the hotel at least decent? Or was it one of those awful hotels those tiny towns try and pass off as a five star hotel?"_

"I stayed in a private mansion for your information," Rachel snapped, annoyed at the snobbery. "I'm in a rush. Is a reason you called?"

_"I thought you'd like to know that the weekend of the 24 isn't good for Judge Sylvester so that's obviously out for a wedding date."_

"Good to know. I've been planning everything around Poppy's schedule," Rachel retorted, sarcasm lacing every word.

"_I've also arranged for Judge Sylvester to dine with us on the 28th. Dinner's at six so don't be late."_

"Are you serious?" Rachel demanded incredulously, sidestepping a snow pile.

_"Now I understand Judge Sylvester is quite difficult, particularly about his food, so I'll need you to find out what he wants Cook to make."_

"It doesn't matter what your cook makes because Poppy won't be there and neither with I," Rachel replied bluntly. "I'm busy."

_"Michael said it was fine."_

"Michael was wrong. I'm busy." She spied her destination coming up on her left. "I really need to go. Bye."

She hung up before Julia could say anything else, pausing to stare in awe at the impressive glass fronted building in front of her. Smiling at the thought of what was waiting inside, she pulled open the door and immediately started scanning the people busy working out. Not seeing who she wanted but thoroughly impressed by the light and airy feel of the spacious gym, she walked over to the front desk which currently had a large masculine woman sitting behind it, a phone cradled under her ear.

Rachel used the time to sneak peeks around the gym once more, deciding that it was exactly the kind of gym Finn would work at. Unlike Mike's stuffy exclusive gym, Beiste's seemed to have an air of friendliness and casualness about it that appealed to her and she highly doubted that salary and family name were requirements for membership here.

The woman behind the counter placed the phone down and smiled. "Can I help you?"

She beamed at who she knew was Finn's boss. "Yes, I'd like to set up a training session for right now. With Finn."

"Finn's with a client right now but I can probably squeeze you in with another trainer," Beiste replied, consulting with the schedule. "I have...oh boy."

"What?" Her eyes roamed the area nearby in search of Finn.

"Puckerman is the only one free right now," Beiste replied with a frown. "I'll set you up with him but I'm telling you now, showers are _not_ part of the personal training experience, no matter what Puckerman says. Neither is the hot tub for that matter."

"Oh I'm with Noah?" she asked with a wrinkle of her nose. "Is there anyway he could switch with Finn?"

"Nope. It's Puckerman or no one. Just stay out of the showers."

She sighed. "Fine."

"Puckerman!" Beiste bellowed.

Puck appeared in an instant, a magazine under his arm. "What? I was just about to drop my afternoon deuce."

"Save it. You've got a new client." She gestured towards Rachel. "This is Rachel. Stay out of the showers."

Puck grinned. "Finally got sick of playing with Finn and wanna test out the big boys?"

"You wish Noah," she snapped. "Finn's with another client so let's just get started."

"Looks like my showers are safe with this one, eh Puckerman?" Beiste grinned, turning back to Rachel. "You can change in the locker room. It's right over there."

"Ok." She took a step towards the locker room, then turned back to Beiste in a last ditch effort. "I don't suppose Sam is available?"

"He's off today so shut up and get changed, Berry," Puck responded for Beiste.

"Fine. I'll be right back." She marched into the locker room, quickly changing into her best/sexy-no-matter-what-Santana-said exercise outfit. As she'd done on the way into the locker room, her eyes immediately scanned the vicinity for Finn but found no one save Puck waiting for her.

"Let's move it, Berry," Puck directed, pointing to a room nearby. He waited until Rachel had walked past him and into the room before he followed, blatantly checking out her ass in the little shorts she was wearing. "Up on the table."

"I hope you're qualified to give the strenuous workout Finn provides, Noah," Rachel demanded as she hopped up on to the table. "I'd hate to be injured due to an unqualified trainer."

"I didn't realize you wanted that kind of workout, Berry," Puck replied smugly, thrusting his hips suggestively. "Lose the Granny Panties and I'll give you a workout that'll make Finn look like a fat kid trying to run the mile."

"Finn's more than qualified to train me in that department, Noah," she snapped, furious at herself for setting him up so perfectly. "Can we just start?"

"Not so fast, Granny. We've got some paperwork to do first." He settled on a stool next to her table, clipboard in hand. "Do you or anyone in your family have a history of heart disease?"

"No."

"Diabetes?"

"No."

"Kidney disease?"

"No."

"Liking anal?"

"No..._Noah_!" she screeched once it hit her what he'd said. "Next question!"

"Fine." He consulted his clipboard again. "Has Hudson knocked you up?"

"That's not a question!"

"Actually it is." He held the clipboard out to show her. "See? And if not, I need to know if he's bagging it or riding bareback."

"No, I am not pregnant," she replied sullenly when she saw that it was in fact a question. "And I'm on birth control."

He nodded, checking something off on his clipboard. "Would you say you like it rough?"

"Give me that!" She grabbed the board out of his hand, quickly finishing off the rest of the medical history and the page after. "Done. Can we start now?"

"Fine. Lay back so you can stretch." He waited until she lay back before picking up her leg.

"So where is Finn?" Rachel asked as he pushed her leg towards her chest. She turned her head towards the floor to ceiling glass windows lining the little training room, allowing her a view of the gym floor. "I don't see him out there."

"He's probably upstairs training some old person by having them walk a lap on the track. That usually takes an hour and they end up pulling a muscle," Puck griped, releasing her leg. "Switch legs."

Rachel giggled, raising her other leg. "I'm sure you're exaggerating."

He pushed the leg against her. "Ask Finn. He'll tell you."

"I will." She sat up on her elbows as he released her leg, pressing on her arm to stretch it. "I usually just use the elliptical you know."

"That's not bad but it's good to get an all over workout," Puck replied, gesturing for her to get of the table. "Although from what I hear, Finn's been doing that pretty good."

"You're one to talk, Noah," Rachel snapped. "I've heard about your pool exploits."

"You better have. That was one of my finest fucks." He puffed up his chest as he held the door open. "Come on."

"Really? What was so great about it?" she asked, unable to help herself.

"I'm not giving away sex secrets. You want to know, you gotta put out." He smirked as he began climbing the stairs, Rachel right behind him.

"I'm not having sex with you," she huffed.

"Your loss." He shrugged as he reached the top of the stairs.

"I assure you I'm perfectly satisfied with my sex life right now," she replied, following him past the elliptical machines. She glanced around with a frown, noticing only the aerobic rooms and more cardio machines. "Where's the track? I thought you said it was upstairs?"

"It is. It's on the third floor." He pointed upwards as he walked over to an open space on the floor.

"Oh. Right." She flushed, realizing too late how stupid the question was since the middle of each floor was open to the floor below it, which meant anyone on the third floor could easily look all the way down to the first floor and vice versa. A quick glance up at the track revealed a few joggers but no trainers and she frowned, stretching her arms to the sides as a warm up.

"Are you done gawking at the track so we can get started?" Puck demanded.

"I'm not gawking. I was simply admiring the layout of the building," she insisted. "Finn says the rooftop pool is lovely."

"You keep talking about the pool. Want me to train you in there?" he asked, thrusting his hips suggestively.

"In your dreams, Noah," she snapped, raising her leg behind her and catching her foot with her hand. "Can you just give me a work out?"

Puck smirked. "Sure. Bend over."

"Shut it, Noah. I meant a carefully structured exercise work out," she shot back, once again annoyed that she'd set him up. "With clothes."

"Have it your way." He shrugged, gesturing to a nearby mat. "Let's start over there."

Her eyes continuously scanning the gym for Finn, she let Noah lead her through a series of exercises. They'd just moved onto some light free weights when her constant looks around were finally rewarded with a Finn sighting. Her eyes followed him as he jogged easily on the track next to a short young woman and immediately jealous and on guard, she watched Finn glance down at the woman, a grin on his face as he laughed at something. Rachel eyed the girl, taking in her glasses and short blonde hair and wondering just what she'd said to make Finn laugh. His grin died as they passed an older woman who immediately began writing on her clipboard, making Rachel wonder if she was another gym employee. She didn't think so since both Finn and Noah were wearing the same shirt emblazoned with the gym logo over black track pants while this woman was wearing a purple track suit identical to the one the woman jogging with Finn was wearing. Her exercises forgotten, she stared suspiciously at the woman watching Finn jog, the thought of her being a cougar suddenly crossing her mind.

"Hey! Pay attention or you're doing the ugly chick workout!" Puck warned, tapping her head with his pen.

"Honestly Noah. You have a workout for ugly people?" she demanded, sneaking a glance back up at the track. "That's horrible."

"No, it's necessary. Trust me," he replied, writing something down on his clipboard. "Let's move onto the next set."

"Fine." She followed him over to the next machine, simultaneously listening to his instructions and watching the track above. One entire set was completed before Finn came back in her vision, once again jogging with that same girl. "Noah? Who's that girl with Finn?"

"Jealous?" He smirked, glancing up at the track. "Oh. Her."

"Who is she?" She bit her lip, watching Finn bend to retie his shoe.

"I don't know. She comes in with like her mom or something." He shrugged. "The mom watches the whole training session and yells at Finn through her megaphone."

"Well that seems uncalled for," Rachel huffed, immediately ready to jump to Finn's defense.

He smirked as he consulted his clipboard. "I don't know about that. Hudson seems to like 'em bossy."

"Shut up Noah," Rachel snapped, finishing her next set.

"I'm just saying." He glanced up at the track, just in time to see Finn, having stopped abruptly in the middle of the track as he'd glanced down, get plowed over by the joggers behind him. "I'd say you've been spotted."

Rachel giggled, offering Finn a wave once he'd disentangled himself from the joggers and stood back up. His face lit up and he grinned, waving back while ignoring the stream of curses flying his way from joggers having to suddenly veer their course to avoid him still standing in the middle of the track. "I'd say so."

"At least he didn't fall in the pool this time," Puck replied, pointing to another machine. "Go. Set of 10."

"He fell in?" She sat down with a giggle, obediently beginning her next set.

"Yeah, this girl he'd been drooling over was walking past us." He glanced down at his clipboard and checked something off.

"Wait. You were there? So then he fell in on his own or was he pushed in by you?" Rachel questioned, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"Both. He fell in after I pushed him in." He chuckled at the memory. "Had to get him back for the time he put that _Honk if you love_ _knitting_ bumper sticker on my car."

Rachel's eyes lit up. "You knit? You can come to my next craft night and teach me and Brittany!"

"Fuck no I don't knit! You know how long I drove around with that on my back bumper?" Puck spat. "With all the old ladies honking at me, he's lucky I only pushed him in the pool."

Rachel giggled, able to picture this all too clearly. She snuck yet another glance up at track, but unfortunately this new machine didn't afford her as good a view of Finn as before, particularly since he was nowhere to be seen. A frown marred her face, her brain running wild trying to figure out where Finn had gone but fortunately, Finn came down the stairs with the two women in tow a minute later.

The older woman watching intently, Finn settled the younger girl on a machine nearby and began the next phase of her workout, his eyes fixed on Rachel despite the older woman barking directions in his ear.

Rachel, well aware of his intense gaze, continued her own workout, moving from machine to machine as Puck dictated, her movements automatically becoming more sensual. She could tell by the way Finn was acting that he was distracted but each time she watched him demo a machine or spot the younger woman it was all she could do to keep herself in control. As it was, the feeling between her legs was increasing with each glance he gave her, making Beiste's shower ultimatum harder to obey. Finishing yet another set of exercises (this one having her bent over in full view of Finn), she turned to Puck expectantly. "Are we done?"

"Nope." He pointed to a ball. "Hop on."

"Oh good." She sat on it obediently, bouncing a little as she waited for instructions. Finn seemed to be finishing up with his client and she bounced once more, hoping this was the last exercise. "I like using the balls."

"I bet you do." Puck smirked. "I figured you'd be used to bouncing on balls."

"Noah!" she screeched, furious at allowing herself to set him up like that. "Honestly!"

He snorted. "You make it too easy. Sit ups. Go."

"Fine." She began doing the sit ups on the ball, still chiding Puck as she did so. "You know, if you acted a little less like _you_ and a little more like Finn, you'd probably be in a mature relationship right now."

"And have my balls on lockdown like Hudson? No fucking way." He shook his head, silently counting her sit-ups. "Every time you've called in the last few months, he's disappeared for hours. I'm not buying his lame ass excuses about having to help Kurt or having the shits."

Rachel processed this, knowing that it must be the bitch Puck was talking about and instantly picking up on the fact that Puck must not know about her. "You know he can't handle certain foods."

"Trust me I know. I've made the mistake of going in the bathroom after he's eaten spicy food." He kicked the ball under her a little. "I needed a gas mask."

"You're one to talk," Rachel retorted. "I've heard about when you, Sam and Finn lived together. Who spends that long in a bathroom?"

"Can't rush a master at work," Puck replied easily. "A lot of prep goes into my craps."

Rachel rolls her eyes, pausing mid sit up. "Yes, I'm sure reading comic books and porn is integral to the process."

"Fuck yeah, it is." He smirked. "You gonna be at Finn's tonight? Ten more."

"I'm sure I'll be over. Sannie too." She snuck a glance at Finn, pleased to see that he was bent over demonstrating a stretching exercise to the young blonde girl, the way he was bent over affording her a fantastic view of his rear. Remembering just what it felt like to run her hands over that, she sat up, her sit-ups forgotten as she stared.

"Hey perv, stop staring and finish your sit-ups." Puck flicked her forehead to get her attention, having noticed what she was staring at. "You can fuck him later."

"I intend to," she replied, her voice lustful and completely forgetting the no sex policy. Finn having finished demonstrating and now standing back up to converse with the older woman, she resumed her sit-ups. "I'm starting to see the appeal of work sex, Noah."

"It's fucking awesome. Just don't steal my spot," he replied, busy writing something on his clipboard.

"I'm sure I can think of more creative places, Noah," she huffed, finishing her last sit up and sitting up on the ball. "I-"

Whatever she was about to say was cut off by the sudden appearance of Finn next to her ball. He grinned as he got down on one knee next to the ball, placing his hands on her thighs. "Hi baby."

"Hi." She giggled as he leaned in for a quick kiss. "Noah's been training me."

"I saw." He grinned as her hands cupped his face for another kiss, mumbling against her lips. "I hope he wasn't as distracted as I was by you exercising."

"Well I didn't cause a pileup on the track so I'd say I wasn't, Hudson," Puck cut in with a smirk.

"Shut it, Puckerman," Finn snapped as he stood up. He grabbed the clipboard out of Puck's hands. "Let's see how you did creating a program for her."

"Fucking good, that's how I did," Puck retorted.

"Hmmm." He eyed Rachel as she stood and stretched slightly. "I think I need to examine this more closely in my office. I should probably go over it with Rachel so she understands. Is that ok, Rachel?"

Rachel nodded eagerly. "That'd probably be best. There's lots of complicated things in there."

"I can go over it, Hudson," Puck offered with a smirk, knowing perfectly well what was going on.

"Your next client is waiting at the desk," Finn called over his shoulder, already dragging Rachel off towards his office. He managed to get the door open before Puck realized who his client was, slamming it shut just in time to hear the protests coming from the area of the front desk.

_"Whoa! I'd rather eat my own shoe than train you again!"_

_"Excuse me. Daddy paid for a quality trainer with nice hair. You can train the poor. Where's Fifi?"_

"Finn! That was mean," Rachel breathed as he picked her up and pressed her against the door, placing kisses against her neck.

"No, it was necessary," he mumbled against her skin. "I've been wanting to do this since I saw you from the track. He can't be your trainer anymore. Only me."

"Ok," she giggled, wrapping her legs around his waist as he continued to press kisses on her neck, sucking and nipping intermittently. "Only you."

"Good." He gripped her tightly as he kissed, intending to carry her over to Puck's desk but before he could, a loud banging reverberated against the door behind Rachel.

_"Hudson! Get out here before I have to bail Puckerman out of jail for killing a client!"_

He sighed, pulling himself off Rachel and placing her back on the ground. "God I hate Sugar."

"You better get back out there before Noah gets in trouble," Rachel replied, sliding back to the ground. "Oh and she called. You have to take Poppy and Cornelius for haircuts but I imagine she just told you that. That was her right?"

He glanced at the calendar. "Shit. They always go on this day. Poppy's got a standing appointment but I promised my mom I'd help Burt move stuff today so I really can't."

"I can do it," Rachel offered.

"No way," he replied firmly. "I'm not letting you."

"I can do it," she insisted. "I'm pretty cool for a girl, remember?"

"Well that's true but no. I won't let you." He shook his head.

"Fine. Then you go and I'll help Burt move stuff." She placed her hand on the door, waiting for his answer.

He sighed. "You can't move furniture."

"Then it's settled. You do the furniture and I'll take them for haircuts." The matter settled in her mind, she opened the door, just in time to see Sugar marching determinedly in their direction with Beiste just behind her.

"Fifi! There you are! This person seems to be under the delusion that Puck is training me!" Sugar called out, pointing to Beiste. She stopped short upon seeing Rachel, her eyes narrowing. "You."

"Hello Sugar," Rachel replied with forced pleasantness. "Are you here for a training session with _my_ boyfriend?"

"Break any walls recently? My ears are still recovering." Sugar's tone matched Rachel's and she crossed her arms, waiting for Rachel's reply.

"Okayyy. Rachel's got to get going. She's got to go to the barber," Finn cut in, correcting assuming that the hiss he'd come from Rachel's mouth meant she was gearing up for battle. He grabbed her elbow, intending to guide her to the door.

"I _knew_ that haircut couldn't have been done at a salon," Sugar replied sweetly. "A barbershop. Now it all makes sense."

Rather than answer, Rachel turned to Finn, shaking her arm free and wrapping them around his waist as she smiled up at him. "You'll be home before bed right? I hate going to bed without you."

He grinned, understanding her comment immediately. "Of course. I'll be home in time to join you in the shower."

She pulled his face down for a kiss. "Mmm. I look forward to it. You'll probably be really dirty from moving furniture."

"Hudson! I don't really need to hear this!" Beiste cut in, speaking for the first time. "Get your ass training now!"

He pinked, having forgotten that Beiste was there. "Sugar, go meet me upstairs by the track. I'm just gonna show Rachel out."

"I'll bring Sugar up there. You better be there in five minutes, Hudson," Beiste warned. "I'm timing you."

He waited until Beiste had escorted Sugar over to the stairs before speaking. "You're sure you want to bring the crazies to the barber?"

"Positive. It'll be fine." She reached up for another kiss. "Text me the information and I'll see you back at your apartment later. Pasta, ok?"

He grinned. "Yeah? You're coming over and making dinner?"

"Of course. I know you don't cook." She smirked, running a finger across his stomach as she stepped away. "I'll see you later."

"Ok." He gave her another peck, slapping her bottom lightly. She giggled, sauntering out the door as he watched and called out after her. "Good luck!"

She was going to need it.

* * *

><p>As per Finn's instructions, Rachel arrived at The Waltham at the specified time, not particularly looking forward to escorting Cornelius and Poppy to the barber but determined not to let Finn down. Like the last time she'd been here, she scoured the lobby as she walked to the elevator, hoping her good deed would result in a celebrity sighting. Unfortunately for her, the only person she recognized was the elevator operator, Joseph.<p>

"Hello, Ms. Rachel, wasn't it?" Joseph asked pleasantly as she walked into the elevator. "Going to see Mr. Sylvester?"

"I am, Joseph," Rachel replied, watching him press the button for Poppy's floor. "He's expecting me, as is little Cornelius."

"I see." He leaned forward. "Where's Mr. Finn?"

"Finn is stuck at work so I'm taking Poppy and Cornelius for haircuts," Rachel announced, one hand playing with her purse strap.

"Good luck with that," Joseph answered, not sounding in the least envious. Another passenger got on before he could close the doors and he greeted her with a head nod. "Good afternoon, Mrs. VanWilhelm."

Rachel eyed her with interest, curious to know if she was a society lady. She had a feeling she was, judging by the expensive fur coat and jewels gracing the woman's frame. Rachel stayed silent as the elevator roared to life, listening to the woman converse with Joseph about the weather while simultaneously ignoring Rachel.

"I'll be hosting a fundraising meeting later today, Joseph. The usual group will be attending," Mrs. VanWilhelm announced, pulling off her gloves as the elevator slowed to a stop at her floor. "However, I do have a few additions. I'll send my maid down with a list of names in a few minutes."

"No problem. Have a nice day, Mrs. VanWilhelm," Joseph replied, holding the door open for her as she swept past.

Joseph glanced at Rachel as the doors closed again and the elevator resumed its climb. "Mrs. VanWilhelm is head of the Metropolitan Opera board."

"Oh. I guess that means she's got lots of important people coming over?" Rachel surmised, wondering if any celebrities would be attending that meeting later.

He nodded. "She's got quite a list of VIPs. Sometimes I feel like I need a red carpet in here."

"Really?" Her eyes grew wide at the thought.

He nodded. "That's not including the celebs who live here. We've got quite a few."

"Any in the music industry, specifically Broadway?" Rachel asked hopefully.

"Absolutely." He smiled. "In fact, it's too bad you weren't a few minutes earlier, Ms. Rachel. You could have ridden up with the Broadway producer Will Schuester."

Rachel gasped, suddenly furious at herself for stopping to use the bathroom before she'd set out to come here. "Will Schuester, Broadway director? He was here? In this elevator?"

"He lives a few floors above Mr. Sylvester," Joseph confirmed. "He had a doctor's appointment today. Been down with the flu that turned into pneumonia, poor thing. Looks as weak as a kitten. I had to help him to his door."

"So I guess he's been out of work for a while?" Rachel questioned carefully but casually. Poppy's floor was rapidly approaching and she intended to make the most of this opportunity. It occurred to her that maybe if she did a good job with Poppy and Cornelius, the latter just might offer to bring her up to his apartment.

"Right. He's barely left his apartment." The elevator slowed and a ding reverberated through the elevator, signaling their arrival at Poppy's floor. "Here we are, Ms. Rachel."

"Thank you Joseph." Her mind reeling, she rushed into Poppy's foyer and knocked on the door, dying to text Finn the news but knowing he was busy training.

The door swung open immediately to reveal young Cornelius. His face instantly morphed into a frown upon seeing Rachel, eyes narrowing in suspicion. "What are you doing here, Donkey? Where's Finn?"

"Finn was busy. I'm going to take you for a haircut. Poppy too," Rachel announced with forced brightness, noticing with amusement that Cornelius was dress in a miniature version of a shirt she'd seen Finn wear recently.

"Finn's supposed to take me to where he goes. I'm getting a man's haircut," Cornelius announced proudly.

"I thought we were going to Anton Atem's?" Rachel questioned, stepping around Cornelius and into the apartment. Well aware of the exclusive salon and it's reputation, she'd been secretly excited, hoping to see some celebrities.

"Don't you know _anything_, Donkey?" Cornelius demanded. "Finn goes to Harry's and I am, too."

"But I'm supposed to bring you to Anton's!" Rachel insisted. "Did you know that they have a large celebrity clientele? We might even get to see some!"

"I _want_ to go to Harry's," Cornelius insisted, adding a kick for emphasis.

"We're going to Anton's," she replied wearily, not wanting to get kicked more but wanting to follow Finn's instructions.

Poppy appeared at that moment, oblivious to the argument in front of him. "What are you doing here girl? I didn't arrange for another singing lesson for Percival. Been singing that scale you taught him non-stop."

Rachel beamed. "While I'm pleased to hear that, I'm here to take you to get your hair cut."

"About time. Anton won't be kept waiting. Come Shortman." He pushed past Rachel, who sighed and followed them out into the foyer.

"So I hear you have Broadway legend Will Schuester as an upstairs neighbor?" Rachel ventured casually. "That must be lovely. I bet he throws wonderful parties."

"That troublemaker?" Poppy barked. "Had to report him for excessive noise last June. And again last month."

"Last June? I bet that was a Tony after party!" Rachel exclaimed excitedly. "He won for his production of _South Pacific_. I didn't see it but I heard it was incredible._ South Pacific_, that is, not his winning the Tony. That I did see. Were there many Broadway stars here? Did you go? Did spontaneous singing of showtunes occur?"

"Of course I didn't go! Like I'd attend one of those drug fueled orgies," Poppy snapped as the elevator arrived. "Now can it. You're giving me a headache."

Rachel stayed silent for the entire elevator ride, managing to hold her questions until they'd gotten into the waiting limo downstairs. To her supreme annoyance, Cornelius had evidently used his smartphone to look up the address of Harry's, telling the driver the address as soon as he'd climbed in, Poppy falling asleep almost immediately next to him.

"No! We're going to Anton's!" Rachel corrected, instinctively moving her shins out of kicking range even as she tried not to be impressed by the plush interior of the limo. Poppy and Cornelius, obviously used to the limo, were already settled in oblivious to their surroundings.

"I'm not going there! Finn says that's for chicks!" Cornelius cried, horrified as he pulled out his phone.

Afraid he was about to call his mom, Rachel hastened to placate him as the limo pulled out into the street. "Fine. We can go there quick while Poppy sleeps."

Cornelius, liking this arrangement, dropped his phone in his lap. Relieved, Rachel smiled at him. "So you spend a lot of time with Finn, huh?"

"He takes me everywhere. My mom's super busy," he replied. "Finn says he's going to take me to a Knicks game. You can't come."

"Ew." She wrinkled her nose. "That's baseball, right?"

"You're stupid, Donkey. The Knicks play _basketball_," he announced impressively as the limo zoomed through traffic. "Finn and I are big fans."

"I bet." She smiled at the child's adoration, making a mental note to discuss it with Carole. She still didn't know why Finn had to take him everywhere and she doubted Cornelius did either so for now she was content to listen to Cornelius list the places he and Finn were planning to go (none of which she was allowed to accompany them to despite being ok for a girl).

She left Poppy snoozing in the limo once they arrived at Harry's, instructing the driver to drive around the block continuously until they'd emerged from the barber. A minor crisis presented itself when Cornelius insisted on getting his hair cut by the same guy who cuts Finn. Rachel panicked but fortunately Cornelius' bossiness came in handy since he loudly demanded Finn's barber to the room at large, a tall Italian man answering the call.

Angelo's speed and efficiency with a pair of scissors meant that she and a freshly styled Cornelius were back in the limo and speeding to Anton's before Poppy woke and she couldn't stop staring at how cute Cornelius looked with his Finn cut, her mind wandering to picture actual biological children of Finn. Or more specifically, Finn's biological children with her (she just _knew_ they'd inherit his height and nose and her immense talent and hair).

"Girl! What are you doing? We're here!" Poppy barked as he climbed out of the limo, interrupting her daydream.

She stared in surprise, too busy debating whose smile their future children should have to notice that the limo had stopped in front of the elegant façade of Anton's or that Poppy had even awoken. Cornelius had already climbed out and was waiting impatiently by the limo, arms crossed in annoyance. She hurried out after them, barely able to process her daydream and it's implications.

Poppy was evidently not only a longtime client, he was also a VIP, judging by the fact that they were ushered immediately up to the fourth floor of the salon and served with drinks and snacks. Poppy was whisked away instantly and she happily settled down to munch on the elegant hor d'oeurves with Cornelius, who ignored the food in favor of playing some game on the iPad he'd pulled out of his backpack. Having never tried caviar and certainly having never tried it at a salon, she cautiously loaded some onto a cracker, using the opportunity to see what Cornelius knew about Will. "So you spend a lot of time at Poppy's, huh? I bet you know all the neighbors."

"Uh huh." He didn't glance up from his iPad.

"It must be super fun seeing al the celebrities," she went on, popping the caviar loaded cracker in her mouth. Immediately finding the taste disagreeable, she glanced around for something to spit it out in. The elegant crystal and linen napkins in front of her weren't exactly lending themselves to disposing of the caviar although the open backpack at Cornelius' feet was looking more and more appealing. Casually so as not to attract the attention of Cornelius, she leaned over and pretended to be looking for something while simultaneously spitting the caviar into his backpack. Horrified at what she'd just done (but secretly seeing it as revenge for the nickname Donkey), she sat back up and grabbed a carrot stick in an attempt to look innocent. "Whoa. That caviar is pretty gross."

"Yeah." Still maintaining his focus on his game, he let his eyes flicker to her for just a second.

"I don't see why all the celebrities and businessmen go crazy for it. It tastes like how I imagine a garbage bag would taste," she decided after a moment's contemplation.

"Finn says his friend Puck once ate a garbage bag," Cornelius offered, suddenly interested but not enough to stop his game.

"Well that hardly surprises me. Noah has the palate of a hyena," Rachel huffed. "But I hardly doubt he ate an actual garbage bag."

"He did. Finn said," Cornelius insisted. "Finn bet him he couldn't chew it and swallow it but he lost. He says it was worth the money especially since Puck had problems going to the bathroom for a while."

She giggled. "Again, I'm not surprised by that. Although I-"

Whatever she was about to say was cut off by the ding of a nearby elevator, followed shortly by a voice reverberating down the hall.

_"I'm in a rush so I'll need Anton to work quickly. He knows what I want."_

The voice, not one Rachel had heard in recent days but still familiar, startled her and caused her to drop the carrot stick into her lap. Frantically, she grabbed the elegant linen napkin and looked down, hoping against hope as the steady footsteps coming her way got louder that she would suddenly become invisible.

"Rachel? Is that you?"

Her wish to become invisible clearly went unanswered since even without looking up she could see the expensive Ferragamo loafers favored by Dr. Michael Chang Sr. in front of her. Reluctantly, she glanced up, forcing a cool smile. "Dr. Chang."

"What are you doing here? This isn't exactly a spot I'd associate with you," he returned, his tone just as cool.

"I come here all the time," she lied, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "Had you bothered to get to know me before attempting to pay me off, you'd know that."

"You. Come here," he repeated, his tone implying he didn't quite believe her. "To one of the most exclusive and expensive salons in Manhattan."

"I do." She stared him down.

"Anton requires that his clients must be recommended to him before he screens them. Who was your sponsor?" he pressed.

She blanched for a second but recovered, her superior acting skills kicking in. "Sugar Motta."

"Al's daughter? I didn't realize you know the Mottas. They donate generously to the hospital." He stared in surprise.

"Again, had you bothered to get to know me, you'd know that." She crossed her arms in defiance. "I actually just got my hair cut."

"I'm glad I ran into you. We do have to discuss that little matter," he mused. "I haven't heard from you but my wife did say that you were snowed in in some dinky town."

"It was not a dinky town. It was Sleepy Hollow and I stayed in the mansion of a former Rockette," she replied coldly. "Didn't I hear you say you were in a rush?"

"Oh there's no rush." He eyed the food in front of her and Cornelius. "I see you went with the Beluga. Wise choice, one I wouldn't have expected of you."

"Well it's not like you know me," she replied flatly. "But I happen to be a caviar connoisseur."

Cornelius, having been previously engrossed in his game, choose that moment to glance up. "You said it was gross, Donkey."

"This particular batch is what I meant, Cornelius," she adlibbed, hoping Cornelius didn't elaborate.

"Cornelius?" Dr. Chang asked, picking up on his name and glancing at Rachel

Naturally he did, his face taking on a stubborn look. "_No, _you said-"

"Cornelius?" Dr. Chang interrupted with a glance at Rachel. "Is he by any chance the grandson of Cornelius Sylvester, the man my wife has been trying to find a time to he can come to dinner?"

"That's Poppy," Cornelius confirmed. "He eats dinner at 4."

"I see. Where is Poppy now?" he asked, annoying Rachel with his forced casualness.

"Poppy's busy," Rachel snapped.

Once again, luck wasn't on her side since a freshly styled Poppy appeared at that moment. "Girl! Let's get a move on! I need to eat so I can take my pills."

"Why hello," Dr. Chang interrupted smoothly. "I'm Dr. Michael Chang Sr., head of Neurology over at-"

"I don't give a damn unless you've got my pills," Poppy cut in, making Rachel smile.

"I believe you know my wife, Julia Chang. She's been organizing a dinner and would love for you to come," Dr. Chang insisted. "Rachel will be there too, of course. I didn't realize you two knew each other."

Poppy eyed Dr. Chang. "Julia Chang? She the bossy one over at Goldberg, Goldberg, Chang and Smith? Reminds me of a bossy Asian girl I went with over in the Philippines during the war. She ran away with the cook. He always was a weak one."

"Right well," Dr. Chang shifted uncomfortably. "Rachel will be there too, of course. I didn't realize you two knew each other."

"Girl's ok," Poppy conceded. "When she's not necking with that boyfriend of hers. Positively disgusting the way kids maul each other today. Never would've happened in my day."

"Shall I have my wife give Rachel a date and time?" he continued. "Or maybe her secretary can call you?"

"Shortman! Get your bag. We're going," Poppy announced, banging his cane on the marble floor.

"Oh but-" Dr. Chang protested, frowning as Cornelius grabbed his backpack and stood. "How about Tuesday at 4?"

"Come on Donkey," Cornelius bossed, already following his grandfather towards the elevator.

"I have to leave. Good bye." Rachel stood, moving to walk towards the elevator.

"Wait." He grabbed her arm. "Have you given any thought to our suggestion?"

"I have." She stared at him coldly, pulling her arm away from him as she began to walk away and call one final message over her shoulder. "And like I said, good bye."

She stomped away, well aware of Dr. Chang's gasp of surprise behind her and the fact that she probably just ruined any chance of endearing herself to her future in-laws. She smiled as she got in the elevator with the Cornelii, well aware of one more thing:

She couldn't care less.

* * *

><p>Armed with a bag of groceries, Rachel rushed up the subway steps, her cell phone beeping with a text as soon as she emerged above ground. Juggling the groceries, she glanced at the phone, quickly scanning the message from Santana with an eye roll.<p>

_**On your way to another sexcapade?**_

She frowned at that, rolling her eyes yet again. As promised, after her super successful trip to the salon yesterday with Cornelius and Poppy, she'd rushed over to Finn's and cooked him a pasta dinner, something Santana seemed to think was code for sex.

_**I told you, we've agreed to hold off due to my superior acting skills.**_

It certainly wasn't easy, particularly since had the most adorable blob of sauce on his upper lip that she'd been dying to wipe off, but being the superior actress that she was, she demonstrated her great resolve by simply handing him a napkin instead.

_**I'm a bitch/I'm a lover/I'm a child/I'm a mother...**_

She sighed, answering the phone even before she read the newest incoming text. "Hello?"

_"Cornelius needs a new backpack. Go buy him one."_

She couldn't help but giggle at that since it meant that Cornelius had discovered her discarded caviar among his school books. Still giggling, she typed off a quick text to Finn, informing him of Cornelius' latest need before she turned her attention back to Santana's newest text.

**_So you seriously managed to not have sex yesterday?_**

Hadn't she just said that in her last text? Annoyed at the mistrust and suspicion, she moved the bag of groceries to her other hip, typing with one hand as she walked down the street.

**_Of course. We simply had dinner and watched some TV._**

She bit her lip, not bothering to add that such innocent activities may have been the result of Kurt stopping by and hanging out with them. On the plus side, Kurt staying and hanging out meant that she won the remote control battle they'd been having before he'd arrived since he immediately voted for _Project Runway_ and not Finn's choice of ESPN.

**_Someone else must have been there then._**

Damn her.

**_Kurt being there had nothing to do with it. As a professional actress I'm trained in restraint._**

Not that that had stopped her from some kisses and cuddles with Kurt right there, but she rationalized that by figuring some snuggles were necessary to keep up the ruse.

**_They train you in lying too? Because you're damn good at it._**

She rolled her eyes once more as she approached Finn's building. Now known to the doorman, she gave him a brilliant smile as she went in, quickly typing out a reply.

**_I'm not dignifying that with a response._**

The elevator arrived quickly and she rode it up to Finn's floor, mentally running through her menu for tonight and checking it against the contents of the grocery bag in her hand. Santana's next text greeted her as she arrived on Finn's floor.

**_Whatever. What are you doing now? The Manny? _**

Honestly. Cosidering how the majority of Santana's texts were sex related, you'd have thought she was in a sex drought, something Rachel knew from experience that she most definitely was not. Unlocking the door with the key Finn had given her yesterday, walked into the apartment and headed for the large gourmet kitchen, typing her response as she did so.

**_Finn's working late. I'm going to make dinner at his apartment and have it ready for him._**

She set about making the dinner, marveling at the state of the art kitchen. The phone rang as she was cutting up the vegetables and she grabbed it automatically, feeling right at home. "Hello?"

_"Oh Rachel! Hello!"_

"Hi Carole," she replied, happy to hear her voice.

_"You're just the person I was looking for. I was calling to see if Broadway had called you yet."_

"Not yet." She bit her lip, amazed that Carole was calling to see how she was doing, not her own son.

_"I'm sure they'll call soon. You're way too talented for them not to."_

"Oh! But get this!" She gave an account of her discovery about where Will lived, remembering at the last minute that Finn's family (or at least Sugar, she couldn't remember exactly who knew) was under the impression that Cornelius was a boy she babysat for.

Carole was impressed, offering ideas and recipes for Rachel to take up to Will. She moved about the kitchen, preparing her meal while chatting easily with Carole until she had to go. Almost as soon as she'd hung up with Carole, her cell phone beeped with another text from Santana, who she'd assumed had been too busy at the hospital to answer before.

**_I'm coming over after my shift._**

The sound of the door opening made her smile as she typed, already anticipating Finn's kitchen arrival.

**_Ok. The door is unlocked. Just come in._**

"Who are you leaving the door unlocked for?" a voice murmured in her ear, a voice that immediately made her shiver in delight.

"Santana's going to stop by after her shift," Rachel replied, turning with a wide smile to greet Finn. "You're earlier than I thought. What happened?"

"My last client cancelled so I ran to get Cornelius a new backpack. Apparently someone dumped caviar in his old one. Stunk pretty bad." He eyed her. "You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

"Me?" she parroted, her voice innocent. "Why would you assume me?"

"You sure? Cornelius seems to think it was you." He quirked an eyebrow. "Not helping the case for girls being ok, you know."

"He's wrong," she insisted, picking up the wooden spoon she'd been using to stir her mashed potatoes. "It wasn't me."

"Interesting. Guess the DNA sample will confirm your innocence," he replied casually. "They've already sent a sample off."

"That chewed up caviar can't have my DNA!" she cried.

"How'd you know it was chewed up?" he asked with a smirk.

"I...you...well...it was gross!" she finally exclaimed. "I panicked!"

He laughed. "I agree but you ever hear of a napkin?"

"Shut up." She smacked him with the spoon still in her hand, sending little pieces of mashed potatoes flying onto him.

"Did you seriously just hit me with mashed potatoes?" He stared at her, not waiting for an answer as he reached into the pot and scooped some out with his hand, taking a step towards her.

"Finn! Don't you da-" she squealed in protest. Her protest was too late since a large blob of mashed potatoes landed on her chest. "Finn!"

"What?" he asked innocently just before the same blob that had been on Rachel's chest was now returned to him, landing on his cheek. "Hey! It's on now!"

Grinning, he reached for more just as Rachel did, the kitchen immediately filling with squeals and laughter as mashed potatoes flew.

"Finn! Truce!" Rachel finally cried, using a frying pan as cover. "Truce!"

He laughed, putting his latest handful down. "Alright. You are pretty covered."

She giggled, a piece of mashed potato falling out of her hair as she glanced down at her potato covered chest. "I am."

He took a step closer. "You should probably get cleaned up."

"I should." She stared at him thoughtfully. "You're pretty covered too. We should probably get clean together. You know, help each other."

"I think that would be wise." He nodded. "It would be much more efficient."

"Right." She took his hand, leading him to his large master bathroom. Her eyes locked on him as she removed her clothes, watching him do the same across from her.

Despite the fact that the shower had multiple showerheads, Finn turned on only one, pulling Rachel to him to lick some mashed potato off her neck. "Mmm. You're covered."

She giggled, wiping some potato off his face and smearing it across her breasts. "You better be really thorough."

"No sex, remember?" He quirked an eyebrow.

"You're simply cleaning me," she replied innocently, purposely stepping out of range of the water and smearing some more strategically around her body, paying particular attention to her rear end and legs. "I can't help it if the potatoes got everywhere."

He smirked, pulling her back to him and turning her around. "Well as long as it's not sex."

"Nope." She bent over at his gentle push, biting her lip as she felt him between her legs. Thanks to their kitchen foreplay, things heated up pretty quickly, the result of which meant that neither heard Santana calling for Rachel in the empty apartment. He'd just sent her tumbling over the edge and had come himself when the shower door opened. making him turn his head in surprise at the naked visitor.

"I thought I'd never get out of work," Santana announced as she slipped into the shower, clearly unfazed by both Finn's presence and the fact that he'd just finished thrusting rhythmically into her best friend. "Oh hey Manny."

"Holy shit! What the hell?" Finn cried, his hands gripping Rachel in surprise. Trying to protect her, he held her close, his hands covering her breasts and inadvertently burying himself deeper inside her as he turned them slightly.

"Hi Sannie," Rachel replied calmly, clearly not embarrassed despite being bent over. "Work was bad?"

"It sucked. 4 emergency surgeries thanks to a car accident. I thought you said the manny was working late?" she queried, turning on the second showerhead. "And willpower my ass. I knew you'd cave."

"His last client cancelled," Rachel explained as she stood back up and turned to face Finn, her arms immediately wrapping around his neck. "Up."

"So he's training you I see," Santana replied with a smirk, watching Finn pick her up. Rachel's legs immediately wrapped around his waist as she kissed him in thanks. "Does he know about the hundreds of guys I've watched you get trained by in the shower?"

"Don't listen to her, Finn," Rachel hastened to explain, sensing he'd stopped kissing because of Santana's words. Happy to see him hardending once more, she reached between them, pulling on his girth a few times in preparation before she teased her entrance. "This is the first time I've ever had sex while she's in here."

"Oh. Uh ok," he stammered, not quite sure what the protocol was for two people to have sex while a third simply showers. Resuming kissing, he ran through every sex story or fact about sex Puck had ever told him but came up empty for anything even remotely close to the situation he found himself in. Judging by the fact that Rachel was continuing to run his erection along her entrance, she clearly wanted more sex and he found himself complying automatically, his erection slipping in almost unassisted. His body moving of its own accord, he glanced at Santana, busy wetting her body under the spray across from them as if her best friend having sex in front of her was an everyday occurrence. "We'd rather not have an audience, so if you could leave, that'd be great."

"Please. I've showered with Rachel so many times she barely notices I'm in here," Santana commented, watching him press her against the wall as he began move into her slightly faster. "So just carry on fucking her as if I'm not here."

"I really think you sh-" Finn began only to be cut off by Rachel.

"Finn baby, she's right. Keep going," Rachel whined, pushing herself restlessly against him. "_More_ baby. And _faster_, much faster."

"Get moving Manny," Santana directed, letting the water wash over her body as she played with the various buttons for the water. "Oh awesome! You've got the spa features in here. Let's use those."

"Is...is this a three way?" Finn stammered, hardly believing what was happening. He paused slightly, watching Santana play with the buttons on the showerhead they were using.

"You wish Manny," Santana retorted as she moved around the shower to get a view of his ass. "I have to say, you weren't lying, Rachel. His ass is _fine_."

"Isn't it?" Rachel breathed as Finn paused in embarrassment. "Baby, _go_."

"It really is," Santana replied admiringly, reaching out a hand to feel it. She ran a finger over his left cheek as he pushed into Rachel, cupping the right with her hand and giving it a squeeze. "My _God_, that's firm."

"I..oh _God_...told you," Rachel moaned as she felt him move inside her.

"Hey!" Finn exclaimed as Santana slapped his ass lightly.

"_Santana_!" Rachel cried, more than a little jealous that she'd just gotten to slap his ass. "Hands off!"

"No wonder you want to bite it," Santana mused. "I want to and I'm a lesbian."

"Well you're not going to get to, so back away from his ass," Rachel bossed from Finn's arms.

"Fine." She eyed his collection of shampoo and soap on the shelf above the large bench, plopping down to get a better look. "That's quite a collection of toiletries you have there Manny."

"My brother gets them for me," he grunted, in disbelief that he was actually holding a conversation about shampoo with Rachel's naked best friend while having sex with an equally naked Rachel. His head may have been embarrassed but his body certainly wasn't, responding to Rachel's pushes automatically with thrusts of his own.

"Kurt has excellent taste, Santana," Rachel added, evidently not embarrassed at all by the little whimpers escaping her mouth.

"Any recommendations, Rachel?" Santana asked, examining a promising bottle. She held the bottle up for Rachel to see. "How about this one?"

"I..._oh! Yes_!...like the lavender," Rachel panted as Finn continued to push up into her slowly. "Or the facial scrub."

"You know you can go faster than a snail's pace, right Manny?" Santana questioned as she watched him move. "Rachel's getting antsy."

Rachel stilled, keeping him inside her as she looked down at Santana in annoyance. "He knows. He's just embarrassed you're here."

"I'm not used to having an audience, let alone one that heckles," Finn retorted, moving faster inside Rachel.

"You'd be useless if this really was a three way then," Santana observed, watching Rachel frantically grabbing his face to kiss him. Not getting an answer but wanting to mess with them, she continued to peruse the bottles on the shelf, waiting until things got more steamy across from her before she spoke again. "You know Manny, I'm kind of disappointed. I heard you put on quite a show what with Rachel's screaming and all the headboard banging you two did at your aunt's house. I feel cheated I'm not getting the live show."

"We didn't _know_ people could hear us," he snapped, thrusting his hips forward in annoyance slightly harder than he intended, only to have Rachel cry out in pleasure and demand he do it again.

"I'd keep doing that if I was you, Manny," Santana observed, opening the facial scrub Rachel had recommended and squirting some on her hand. "Judging by Rachel's reaction, that thrust was a hit. Was it Rachel?"

Rachel gave her answer in the form of a moan, one that got instantly louder as he moved yet again.

Santana stared, pleased to see Rachel happy as she scrubbed her face. "Oh this stuff is good. I'm taking this, Manny."

"Take whatever the fuck you want, Santana," Finn grunted out, his hips slapping noisily against Rachel. "Just shut up."

"She's usually louder," Santana observed, still wanting to mess with him. "I don't get why she's not louder. Are you sure you're in there enough, Manny?"

"Santana! Seriously, shut the fuck up!" Finn grunted, trying to focus on Rachel's cries and use them to his advantage.

"Hey, I'm trying to help you get her to orgasm, Manny." She held up her hands.

"I know how to get her to orgasm," he breathed out, determined to ignore Santana. "I've only done it to her every time."

"Santana, just shut up and let him fuck me already," Rachel moaned as he thrust into her. "Oh _God_!"

"Fine." Santana turned her attention back to the various assortment of shampoos and lotions, taking what she wanted over to her own shower head and experimenting with them while things progressed across from her. Amazed by the decibel of Rachel's screams and the stamina displayed by both, Santana played with the expensive collection of toiletries, occasionally pausing to watch the show in front of her.

Having completely forgotten about Santana, Finn continued to hold her close, moving relentlessly until she gave a final scream of his name, the orgasm hitting her hard and strong. He followed her with only two more thrusts, rendered speechless as he held Rachel to him and recovered. Silently, he slipped out of her and held Rachel in his arms until she was able to breathe normally. She smiled, burying her face in his neck as he held her close.

"Bravo. That was quite a show," Santana announced as she clapped, startling both of them out of their sex bubble. "Didn't think you had it in you, Manny but that was an impressive conclusion."

"Sorry Sannie," Rachel replied sheepishly, not moving from Finn's arms. "But I couldn't resist."

"No problem," she replied airily, reaching for a bottle of facial moisturizer. "All the fuck me's were quite impressive, Rachel."

"I told you, Santana." Rachel beamed, sliding down Finn's body and glancing back at him when she felt him step behind her. "Where's that facial scrub you had before?"

"Are you seriously hiding the goods, Manny?" Santana demanded, correctly guessing that was the reason he was behind her as she pointed to the bottle of facial scrub for Rachel. "Have you already forgotten that I just saw you fuck my best friend? You've got nothing to hide, I've seen it all."

"He's not embarrassed," Rachel answered for him, stepping away to grab the facial scrub. "He's just not used to group showers."

"Didn't seem that way a few minutes ago," Santana retorted smirking, not bothering to hide the fact that she was checking Finn out as he washed up. "Maybe you should bend over and give him another lesson on group showers."

"Funny, Santana," Rachel replied, busy examining a bottle. "I'll remember that the next time I walk in on you and Brittany."

"With that body, you're always welcome to join. By the way, not bad, Manny, not bad at all," Santana appraised, eying him up and down.

"Uh, thanks." He squirmed under her all seeing gaze, quickly turning around and washing his hair.

"God his ass really is amazing," Santana said admiringly as she watched him under the spray.

"I know, I love it. It's just too cute," Rachel added happily, grabbing a washcloth and loading it with soap, making a show of running it over his ass for Santana's benefit.

"Let me feel it again." She stepped closer to Finn, reaching for the washcloth in Rachel's hand.

"No way! You already slapped his ass once, that's enough," Rachel decided, still running the cloth over his ass.

"Come on, just one squeeze," Santana pleaded, reaching out and frowning when Rachel slapped her hand away. "What the hell?"

"No. Hands off the cute ass!" Rachel scolded, squeezing it herself. "You're right though. It is super squeezable."

Finn glanced over his shoulder with a smirk. "Super squeezable?"

"Mmmhmm." She squeezed it once more.

"Seriously, Manny, that thing should be illegal," Santana added, reaching out and squeezing quickly before Rachel could stop her.

"Santana! No!" Rachel cried, slapping her hand away too late.

"Jeez Rachel, relax. I just wanted to squeeze," Santana whined. "I didn't complain when you felt Brittany's butt."

"That was different. She was convinced one side was bigger than the other," Rachel corrected, stepping between Finn and Santana. "You just want to cop a feel."

"Whatever. Hand me that bottle of exfoliant," Santana demanded, pointing to the one she wanted.

Finn, having finished his shower and being closer to the bottle, reached over and handed it to her. Knowing Rachel would protest if he left, he opted to sit on the bench, watching the girls chatter happily while they used Kurt's weird facial products.

"I'm telling you, this avocado one is amazing," Rachel insisted, holding the bottle out to Santana. She eyed the bottle in Santana's hand. "The one you have is the one Kurt says Finn uses for his oily t-zone. Gimme that."

She grabbed the bottle from Santana and a washcloth, climbing on to Finn's lap before she opened the bottle. "I didn't see you use it, baby."

"Yeah, uh, I always forget," he admitted. Truthfully, he had no idea where it was even supposed to be used, but Rachel seemed to know and he closed his eyes in contentment and enjoying the feeling of Rachel rubbing the stuff into his skin.

"There. Much better." She smiled, giving him a quick kiss before she stood once more and walked back over to Santana.

"So uh, is this like a regular thing for you guys?" Finn asked, enjoying the scene in front of him.

"You mean, do we make out and fuck in the shower?" Santana translated, pouring moisturizer into her hand. "No, we do not."

"When we first moved here from Ohio, we had this tiny apartment with only one bathroom. We were on the same work and school schedule and if one of us was running late, it just became easier to jump in the already running shower rather than wait," Rachel explained, scrubbing her face. "We don't live together now, but it still happens once in a while."

"Oh really?" he teased. "You didn't tell me you were part lesbian. That's hot."

She rolled her eyes. "We've seen each other naked so many times we're practically immune to it. I'd imagine it's like you, Sam and Noah after football games."

"Yeah, uh no." He stared, growing aroused by the sight of the two of them wet and naked.

Rachel stepped under the spray, the water streaming over her as she stared at Finn in surprise. "Didn't you shower in the locker room after games?"

"In separate stalls, never together," he said firmly. "Guys don't do that."

"But what if all the stalls were taken? You wouldn't just jump in with Noah or Sam?" She stepped out of the spray, moving to stand between his legs. "Kiss."

"Nope." He puckered his lips, placing a kiss against Rachel's. "Never."

"That seems very silly to me. What about when you all shared an apartment?" she questioned, stepping away from him and back under the spray. "Surely you must have needed to use the bathroom when someone was in it."

He shrugged. "Then you go take a leak outside. Or if you're Puck, you use the kitchen sink."

"Ew." She wrinkled her nose, exchanging looks with Santana, who'd begun lathering her hair.

"Hold up. You've never looked?" Santana stared him down mid-lather. "You've never seen each other? Not once?"

"Well no, we've seen each other, but only because we've all had our pants pulled down at some point," he admitted. He eyed the girls, watching Rachel point out a spot Santana had missed. "So you two see each other naked all the time but really never make out?"

"Sorry to disappoint you but we've never made out in the shower," Rachel confirmed.

"Too bad. That'd be seriously hot," he decided, feeling himself stir down south at the thought.

"I've been telling Rachel that but she's too much of a prude," Santana agreed, rolling her eyes and giving her hair a final rinse. "Recent activities aside."

"I'm not a prude! I'm in a shower with you and I just had sex in here, didn't I?" Rachel placed a hand on her hip, her tone defiant.

"Relax. I said recent activities aside." She smirked, wringing out her hair. "You should listen to us though. It'd be hot and you'd have amazing sex after because he'll be majorly turned on."

"Really?" She turned an interested eye towards Finn. "You'd seriously find that hot?"

He rubbed the back of his head. "Uh yeah. What guy wouldn't?"

"I've heard it's not too popular with _Asians_," Santana commented, throwing Rachel a loaded glance.

"You'd really be turned on if I made out with Santana?" she queried, her face pink as she ignored Santana.

"Of course he would, _he's_ into you. Watch what happens when I touch your boobs," Santana answered for him, reaching out and cupping Rachel's breasts. Both girls immediately turned to look at Finn's increasing girth. "See? He's hardening from me just touching your boobs."

Rachel giggled, looking down at Santana's hands still on her breasts. She eyed Finn's groin once more, suddenly inspired and turned on by the sight. "I see."

"Look at you," Santana commented, amazed as she looked down at her own breasts just in time to see Rachel reach out and cup them.

"What? You're the only one who can do stuff to make him hard?" Rachel asked, still cupping Santana's breasts as she checked Finn's ever increasing girth.

"You're doing the same thing I am," Santana pointed out. "At least be creative."

"Fine. Watch this." She dropped her hands from Santana, her eyes defiant. Her gaze locked on Finn and his growing hardness, she stepped closer to Santana and turned around, placing her hands on Santana's thighs as she began to dance seductively against her. Pleased at Finn's wide-eyed reaction, she stopped her dance and turned back to Santana in triumph. "There."

"Well done Rachel. That pole dancing aerobics class we took clearly paid off," Santana praised. "But he's still not totally erect."

"I'm not done." She stepped closer to Santana, placing a hand on her hip and the other on Santana's breast as she leaned in and kissed Santana. Santana responded eagerly, cupping Rachel's breasts and accepting the tongue Rachel was offering. Rachel explored for a moment, kissing Santana hungrily until she felt she'd proved her point. "There. Now I'm done."

"I'm amazed, Rachel," Santana offered, looking at Finn. "He's about to explode."

Rachel turned to Finn, her face anxious. "Are you really? You found that hot, right?"

"Hell yeah," he replied honestly, sorry she'd stopped.

"Did you really? Are you sure?" Rachel pressed.

"Babe, I really did. Look at me." He gestured to his erection.

"But-"

"Rachel. He's a normal guy and _he's_ into you. Guys will _always_ find that hot but if he's into you it's super sexy and hot. _Always_," Santana interrupted, her voice loaded with a message Finn didn't understand.

He stared, confused by the silent eye conversation Santana and Rachel were having. Santana seemed to have won whatever they were arguing about and he turned to Rachel, confused by the expression on her face. She seemed to sense him watching because she immediately changed her expression to a happier one, smiling at him as she washed up.

"So I still can't decide about going up a size," Santana announced, lathering the conditioner in her hair.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "I already told you I think you should stay at a D cup. Why would you go any higher?"

"Because it looks amazing." She shrugged. "You know I'm right."

"I just don't see the need for it," she insisted, pouring her own conditioner.

"That's because you don't have any boobs." She eyed Rachel's chest. "Get some and then we'll talk."

"Shut up Santana," Rachel snapped as she turned off the water and looked at Finn. "Lets ask Finn. What do you think, baby?"

"Yes baby, what do you think? Should I go up to a DD?" Santana mocked, smirking at the glare Rachel gave her.

"Well..." he hesitated as he stood, unsure of how to answer without losing this all access naked sex pass he'd apparently been given. "I think they look awesome but too big and they look fake. I like ones that I can easily hold."

"You're with the right girl then, Manny," Santana commented, stepping through the shower door Finn was holding open for her, Rachel following close behind. "So how'd you like your first group shower?"

"It was pretty hot." He grinned, holding out a towel to wrap Rachel in and placing a kiss on her shoulder. "I enjoyed it."

"Would you say its, oh I don't know, not normal?" Santana questioned casually, grabbing a towel for herself and ignoring the look Rachel was giving her. "Like not a normal thing for friends to do?"

He shrugged. "I think it's pretty awesome that you two are comfortable enough to do it. You're like super close, since Rachel talks about you all the time and stuff so why not? I mean like you guys have the same conversations in there I've heard you have on the phone, so I think it's pretty cool."

"Excellent Manny. I approve." Santana gave a mock clap.

"Uh ok." He glanced at Rachel, who'd quietly begun to get dressed. "You ok, Rach?"

"I'm fine," she replied, avoiding his eyes and still quiet as she pulled her skirt on.

"Rachel. Look at me." He stepped towards her, tilting her head up. "What's wrong?"

"You really think it's cool?" she questioned. "What about me and Sannie?"

"What about you and her?" he repeated. "You're like super tight. It's awesome. You two have like your own language or something because you don't even need words to talk. I saw it before."

Rachel beamed, seemingly feeling much better. "We've been friends since-"

"Glee Club. I know." He smiled, pulling on his shirt. "You two used to be enemies."

"Damn straight. Rachel was a huge pain in the ass back then. What's your opinion on sequins?" Santana asked out of the blue as she dropped her towel and pulled on her panties.

Finn stared, confused. "Uh those are the sparkly things, right?"

"Right. Like you'd see them on, oh I don't know, a ballroom dance costume," Santana clarified, smirking at Rachel's confused expression. "Like on _Dancing with the Stars_."

"I don't fucking watch that! Did Puck tell you I did?" he demanded. "It's only on my DVR because my mom asked me to record it for her!"

"What's your point, Ana?" Rachel demanded. "If Finn says he doesn't watch, he doesn't watch."

Santana slid her bra into place and shrugged. "I was really just wondering how he felt about ballroom dancing in general."

"He doesn't like it. Finn doesn't dance," Rachel answered for him. "Other than the dance he learned for his mom's wedding and the most adorable dance Aunt Bernadette choreographed for him, that is. Oh and all the times he danced with me at the party."

"Yeah, I've heard it's more of an Asian thing," Santana commented vaguely as she finished getting dressed.

"I'm hungry. And I know you're hungry because you always are after sex, right Finn?" Rachel questioned, wrapping her arms around him. "I did promise you I'd make you dinner so I'll start reheating it now. You staying, Sannie?"

"Hell yeah. Puckerman is on his way over, too," Santana replied. "He texted me before."

"Oh." Rachel bit her lip. "I better heat up more then."

She rushed out of the room with a determined air. Finn started to follow, only making it as far as the bedroom before Santana slammed the bedroom door shut and pointed to the bed once Rachel had gone into the hall. "Sit."

"Huh?" He stood in place, confused.

"You. Sit." She pointed to the bed again before locking the door.

"What...what are you doing?" He glanced at the door nervously, hoping he hadn't converted Santana back from lesbianism with his awesome sex skills (but secretly hoping he had at the same time since that would be _awesome_ to rub in Puck's face). "You're still a lesbian, right?"

"Duh. I'm like the World's Greatest." She pointed to the bed once more. "I'm also the World's Greatest Friend. Sit. We need to talk."

Slightly relieved, he sat, staring at her obediently. "What about?"

"The weather. What do you think?" she snapped, moving to sit next to him on the bed. "Rachel. Or more specifically her douche of a fiancé."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Whoa that's a long time between updates. This chapter is actually split in two so the next chapter is 3/4 done.**_

_**Merry Christmas!**_


End file.
